Daddy saved the day...and an important issue that I needed to discuss

I know I make my dad out to be some horrible person. And he does have major issues, believe me. But over all these years, even with all the bad things he's done, he's still the person I've run to when I need help. Like this morning. After I dropped H off at daycare I heard my tire clicking against the concrete. Great, AGAIN!?!?! Seriously!?!? What in the heck is it about me and my car where I have such horrible luck with crap getting stuck in my tires?? So I get to work and park and get out and I hear a hissing/gurgling sound. The air is rushing out against the wet pavement. My first thought? I need to call daddy. He came right over, looked at it, took my keys and debit card, and got it taken care of for me. They had to patch it from the inside the hole was so big. I really appreciate these times, when he comes to my rescue like this...makes me feel like I have a normal dad.

Thank God it's Friday...dad and stepmom are watching H tomorrow early evening so little sister and I can go see Blades of Glory. I am so excited, it looks freaking hilarious!! I'm going to laugh so hard I snort, I just know it. And I don't know if we've ever been to a movie together by ourselves like this, it's going to be so much fun. We might get some dinner before hand, not sure yet though.

On a more serious note...my boss just told me that a friend of her daughters(she has twin girls in 6th grade) is pregnant...this is so scary. 12 years old, in the 6th grade, and she's pregnant! She had u/s pics at school the other day. Gosh when I was in 6th grade I wasn't even close to thinking about sex...I think I still played with my Cabbage Patch dolls and wanted to be a Veterinarian and was all into saving the environment! I didn't even have BOOBS! I just started shaving my legs and wearing a training bra to cover my newly developing lop sidedness. We had our sex ed class and I was embarrassed as hell! My sister is 4 years younger than me, although she doesn't act it, and when I was a Freshman I lectured her like crazy on not having sex until she was at least a Junior and had been with the guy for a minimum of 6 months. I had lost my virginity at 15, my Freshman year...I had been with the guy quite a while, at least 6 months, but I was way too young. I never wanted my sister to have to deal with issues like that, so I lectured lectured lectured her to death...she was in the 5th grade. Good thing I did, because by the time she got to middle school(I went to 6th grade in elementary school, but after our class left they moved 6th grade to middle school w/ 7th grade) kids were having sex, doing drugs, you name it it was happening. In 6th and 7th grade! I mean I heard talk of drugs when I got to 7th grade...but I didn't know anybody pregnant in school! Apparently these days pregnant 6th or 7th graders is fairly common?? My mom works at an elementary school, kindergarten through 5th grade...and these kids are already having sex. !!!!! Anyway my lecturing apparently worked...not to mention the fact that I have exceptional younger siblings with good judgement...but my sister waited until her Junior year, and she'd been with the guy well over 6 months. They dated almost 2 years, before he cheated on her and broke her heart. But anyway, I am just shocked at the fact that now girls in the 6th grade are getting pregnant. I want to homeschool H!! Or hope she's some really big nerd that is so into her studies she doesn't even give boys a thought! You know one of those girls you see on that show on MTV, "Made", that has frizzy hair and wears highwater jeans and snorts when she laughs and is in book club...please oh please Miss H, don't grow up too fast...please stay innocent...how do I keep her innocent??

The Sweetest Kisses

Miss H has learned how to do something new. I've been working with her on blowing kisses. Today as we were leaving the sitter's, out of nowhere she starts blowing the sitter kisses. It was the cutest thing!! And tonight she blew her daddy kisses! So sweet. I've also figured out she's saying a couple new words. She gets her b's and d's a little confused, but she can say bird and bush which come out "dird" and "dush." She's obsessed with birds and bushes/trees lately. She wants to feel all the trees and bushes, and she points at even the littlest bird in the sky. She's so observant. She's also saying "ite" for bite because when I ask her if she wants more food I say "bite?" (Which by the way I caught myself asking my HUSBAND this at lunch today in front of my father in law!!! First time I've caught myself talking to him like he's Miss H!!) And when she wants more of something she says "moa." Still no developments in the area of walking, but man can she crawl fast...she'll open the screen to the back sliding door and climb out on the porch herself!!! I think I may have to see about getting her knee pads if she insists on crawling on the concrete like she has been doing! hehe Her little personality changes with every week. She really is a little girl now, it's so neat. Even when she's getting mad at me, I can't help but smile inside and think she's just too cute. Tonight as I was putting her in her car seat after I picked her up from the sitter's she got very angry with me and arched her back and fussed, like she does sometimes...but this time she stopped arching her back, gave me a really dirty look and grabbed my hand that was trying to buckle her in and shoved my hand away and then PINCHED MY ARM. TWICE. The second time looking me right in the eyes! She is so sassy!! I didn't know she could pinch either. But after she got our her frustration she was happy as pie again, playing with her Leap Frog magnetic barn toy. I even heard her giving the frog on the toy sucks of her pacifier(I peeked in the back seat at a stop light and she had the pacifier up to the frog's head, making the sucky noises she makes). It's just so hard to believe I don't have a little baby anymore. A couple weeks and she'll be a year old! I spose she'll always be my little baby though :o)

Better for now

Ok I'm done with my freak out episode over my husband's ex being back in town. He doesn't even know she's back and hasn't even looked for her at all since she moved away way back in 2000, and here I am having visions of him cheating on me. JEEZ I need help. I have to say, aside from a few little petty things way back in high school, my husband has never done anything to make me not trust him(well aside from lying about the porn, but it is just porn and apparently this is just something a lot of guys feel they must look at...ok I'm trying to be nice about this and get over it, I keep telling myself it could be worse, it could be worse!). My trust issues are really with all men, which stems from my dad being a horrible father to me growing up. I'm 24 years old and only now do I feel like I may halfway have a real dad. But I still don't trust him at ALL, things could change in a second, like they always have in the past. I've seen so much violence and hatred from that man against the ones he supposedly loves(including me, like the one time he physically picked me up and threw me out the front door onto the concrete in the pouring rain--skinning my legs all up, and when I tried to go back in the house to get my shoes because I was barefoot he slammed the door on me--and the cops did nothing...or like the time he told me he hated my guts and I wasn't his daughter anymore and he never wanted to see me again just because I'd told him pit bulls can snap at any second and that was my opinion and I didn't want to argue with him...yea we all have ugly secrets) that I just don't trust men, they all seem like lying pigs. So my issues aren't really with my husband I guess...really just with myself, because of my oh so wonderful father. I have hoped and prayed all my life that he'll straighten out and be a normal dad, because I never had that and I have no idea what that would even be like...but I always wanted it so bad. This is also the reason I have such a hard time not taking control and letting D be a partner in Miss H's care...my mom raised me by herself...it's really hard for me to remember D is a part of all this too, not just me. I guess I'm just screwed up...I have issues...and D was raised in a normal loving family w/ 2 parents and a house and dogs and cats and money, everything I didn't have...he has no issues except maybe being a little self centered since he was the baby of the family :o) BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANYWAY.....enough depressing crap. I'm trying to be positive...D and I had a good night last night. He was going to skip out on work but 3 spinning bikes were down so he HAD to go in. He got home just in time to see H before she went to bed...very easily I might add, which is WONDERFUL because she fought it the 2 previous nights and woke up yesterday morning at 5:00 crying and crying for 2 hours straight. I had to take yesterday off work and took her to the dr. and turns out she has 2 lovely ear infections...really bad in her right ear and mild in her left. :o( Poor little thing. Even so, we had a nice day yesterday. Found out while waiting at Walgreen's for her prescription that she loves Goldfish. Had my little brother and sister over for lunch to lift her spirits and it did the trick...she was so excited to see them and crawled over and climbed up onto my brother's side while he was laying on the floor and rode him like a horse...it was so cute.! Took her on a walk to get her out of the house...at 1:30, hot part of the day, STUPID me...but she loved it and then when we got back she started crying because the Motrin had worn off...rocked her on my chest in the rocker in her room in the cool air conditioning...she had nothing on but her diaper, it was so sweet...I sang to her and she cuddled in and drifted off to sleep. I fell asleep and we slept for 2 hours right there in the chair. I wish I didn't have to work, I miss those times! We went to my friend S's house at about 5 and stayed til 8...Miss H loves playing there. She drew on the driveway w/ sidewalk chalk(and on herself, and in her mouth etc.) and had a great time. She went to bed by 11 and slept all night, thank God. So anyway last night was nice, after I put her to bed I cut up some strawberries and pound cake for us to have strawberry shortcake. SO glad D likes that, I love it!! We had huge bowls of shortcake and watched the last half of 13 going on 30 which is really cute. We talked a little about planning H's birthday party coming up in a few weeks. Hopefully D will be able to pick the decorations and all that out with me, he really wants to....and be there, because there is a possibility he won't even be able to be there that weekend either.

Besides goldfish I also found out H loves strawberries. Fresh strawberries...she eats them up like crazy, while making a sour face!! She's the cutest thing in the world. After I get all the new pics put on my computer at home I'll post another one of her in her little shorts and pigtails...TOO CUTE!!

Only 6 more days til I'm out of this craphole!!!!!!!!!! I'm counting down...so freaking excited!!

I'm craving Sonic's popcorn chicken and a vanilla dr. Pepper...I've never had either but the commercial makes it look so good!!

Oh yea, got to see the new puppies yesterday. D still says no...H still LOOOOOOOOOVES them...she tried to climb in the bin yesterday to be with the tiny puppies!! I'm liking the new neighbors also...besides the fact that they lit up a couple cigarettes while we were in the house(come on, RUDE) they are really nice and friendly. And H made herself right at home crawling all over the house and playing with the dogs. We didn't stay long though because I don't allow H to be around smoking.

Well that's about it for now I guess...going to lunch with D and his dad.

Trust Issues

UGH...I just found D's ex out on MySpace. Evidently she finally made a page. It's private, so I can't see any details. I'm all paranoid now that he's going to find her and start talking to her again. I had seen her at Old Navy this past weekend and I hadn't seen her since God I think their graduation in 2000...she had moved out of town to go to college to become a lawyer. Well evidently she lives back here in town now. My friend asked me why I thought he might try to contact her if he did find her out there.....HELLO he was obsessed with her. They dated his Junior year of highschool and she cheated on him and broke up with him. They never slept together thank GOD. But he's been obsessed with this girl since grade school(which he swears he doesn't give a crap about her now). Anyway after she ended up breaking up with the guy she cheated on him with, she started calling D again and talking to him, their Senior year WHILE I WAS DATING HIM. And he would sneak off behind my back and go to the grocery store where she worked after school and on weekends and talk to her. Supposedly he would NEVER EVER cheat on me...but yea I've heard that before. I'm sorry but I don't fully trust him. Ever since I found him looking at porn a few times(once while I was pregnant, come ON make me feel like shit why don't you! and another time this past year on my birthday of all days, and then a couple months later he looked at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit pictures online and I could never compare to the girl he was looking at....I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before but I have a huge issue with porn and he knows he can't look at it and be with me...he's known that from the beginning...) and he lied each time and said he'd never do it again, and then DID IT AGAIN, I just don't trust him. And a month or so back we were getting in fights quite a bit and he'd yell at me that he has no privacy...ok he's had no privacy the whole 8 years we've been together, and now he wants privacy? It sounded fishy to me. I don't think he's done anything, but I still don't trust him. And now I find out she's back in town, and now she has a MySpace page that I know he'll probably find. At least I know his password for everything so I can snoop but man I didn't need that stress right now. My friend said "Well he married YOU"....yea that doesn't make me feel any better because I still kind of feel like he just did that because we were having a baby(which he swears isn't the case). Don't get me wrong we have a good relationship. But sometimes I just feel like things aren't quite right and maybe he didn't really want to get married. Like he wasn't quite ready for all this yet. Yea well I wasn't necessarily ready either, and it's all his fault we got pregnant, he's the one with the huge sex drive...not that I don't love my daughter but I wasn't necessarily ready for all these changes either. I hate not being able to trust anyone :o(

S P O O K Y

I'm not good at titles

Went to the bathroom just now...as I'm sitting on the toilet a nickel falls out of my pocket onto the pooey floor...EW...yes the poo is still there. GROSS. The cleaning people are obviously not cleaning very well. And speaking of bathrooms...I just had a great conversation with my 2 coworkers(the Chimp and another lady T whom I adore, she's so sweet and trustworthy) about how every time I need to go to the bathroom at work somebody hops in there before I can get up from my seat and then I think "damn, now I've gotta wait 10 minutes for the toilet seat to cool off" and told them I hate sitting down to a warm toilet seat because it reminds me somebody else's butt was just there...EWWW...they laughed at me. T knows I'm weird but I think I kind of shocked the Chimp(AKA the Spy). People really have no idea who I am, and then I let them in little by little and they're like WOW you are not the person we thought you were! Kind of like when T first started talking to me years ago...she used to avoid me because she thought I was a young snotty stuck up biatch but the more she talked to me the more she realized that was so far from the truth it's not even funny(and now she's really sad I'm leaving). People always think that about me until they actually take the time to talk to me...WHY?? Do I really look that bitchy? Hm...

So I had lunch with my sister today. LOVE eating with her. I woke her up at 11:50 and she hopped in the car to meet me at noon...how great is that? Beautiful day, actually almost hot. Wish I didn't have to work so I could be out enjoying the weather! My sister shared another story w/ me about how she was stalked twice last weekend at Walmart...this happens all the time to her! She was with cousin Bi-Racial Rachel both times. Once in the ice cream isle 3 black guys came up and said something like "3 for 2"....WEIRD...and my sister ran off with Bi-Racial Rachel on her heels, only to meet the guys in another isle because they were stalking them! Scary. Then another day it was the mexicans. Again. Like I've said before, my sister is half mexican...and she's been tanning a LOT now that she works at the gym so she seriously looks mexican or black or something w/ her black hair and tan skin. She makes me look like the whitest whitey ever and I've got an olive skin tone(because I'm Native American!)!! Anyway the mexicans stalked them in the parking lot AGAIN and evidently my sister took drastic measures to scare them off and grabbed my cousin's hand lovingly so they looked like lesbians. At the end of the story my sister made the comment that even though it seemed to work she new the mexicans were smarter than that, because "if I really were a lesbian no WAY would I be with B.R.R. I mean look at me and look at her!!" WOW I'm sorry I know that sounds shallow, but it's so true and I just couldn't help but burst out laughing. And then we had a lovely discussion about how if we were lesbians no way would we go for the ones that look like men, we'd go for something hot LOL...yes I am aware that we are weird. But it was a funny, mindless conversation...perfect lunchtime convo to take my mind off my crappy workday!! Good times...

(And yes I can talk about lesbians too because along w/ all the various races in our family, I also have an Aunt Jan and Uncle Cheryl...and just for the record, Jan is the girly one, Cheryl is the mannish one w/ hairy legs and short hair)

Also, D comes back in town today, YAY!!!! Missed him like crazy.

She's got Stinker written across her forehead

Miss H's afternoon:

~Charm everybody in Cracker Barrel, steal mom's fries, persuade mom to buy me not only a cute brown bunny in a plaid tank top but also a musical bear that plays Braum's lulliby
~Go to park w/ grandma, swing on swings, go on walk...get rained on, head for the car!
~Fall asleep in the car on the way to Grandma's, lay down on Grandma's bed surrounded by pillows only to have Ping Pong Kitty jump on me and wake me up
~Another massive poop...stinky britches
~Spit up some of my bottle...more stinky britches
~Get naked for bath time after being rained, pooped and spit up on
~Run off naked and pee on the floor under Grandma's window
~Mom calls to check on me so I crawl around on Grandma's couch naked and find the remote...turn the TV on...sit down and watch some TV naked
~Bath time!

Sounds like a fun/eventful afternoon to me!

Cracker Barrel and good moods

Started to feel completely crappy this morning, thought I was going to throw up. My mom was picking me up for lunch and I almost called her and told her nevermind because I was going home for the day. But I got over my wave of nausea for the most part and went with her and H anyway, and after I ate some I felt a little better. H slept in my lap until we got our food. I don't know if she smelled the french fries in her sleep or what, but the second that food got near her she woke up "di?" then turned, grabbed a fry and started chowing down while checking out her surroundings. She is so cute, she definately brightened my mood. She danced in her highchair for a while(standing up turned around backwards, shaking her booty) while she watched the girl sweep the floor behind us. She yelled at the clean up girl the whole time while smiling w/ her mouth crammed full of french fry. She is such a good little girl, so friendly to everybody, yelling at people while smiling and dancing and just being the cutest thing you ever did see!! I hated to leave her and come back to work. Mom took her to the park to swing and walk around the pond. It's so nice out. She's wearing her cute pink baby Crocs today(her favorite shoes). I love her little pig tails and her fat little knees sticking out of her little jean shorts. I could just eat her up!!

IBS sucks...and new teeth are finally here!

Well I put in my 2 wks notice this morning. They were very nice about it...I don't know if they're genuinely happy for me or just happy to finally be rid of me. But the guy in HRD(who is my mom's boyfriend) told me thank GOD I'm finally getting out of there, and that he could never work for my dept. for my supervisors. He said my situation was just rediculous. So anyway, that's done with, I can move on and start to prepare for this next phase of my life w/ a different company!!

My IBS is acting up today. I don't have the typical IBS, with diarea(lovely I know), I have the other kind. And it's been acting up all weekend making me super tired and cruddy feeling, and today I just feel BLEGH. I had these sharp pains last night, actually they were in my uterus(sorry if tmi) and it felt exactly like it did when H was making herself at home inside me those first few weeks of my pregnancy. So that got me worried. I just got over a very light 2 wk period though, and I'm on the pill, surely I can't be pregnant? I woke up today feeling nauseous...still feeling nauseous, and SO TIRED lately. But I'm really thinking it's just my IBS. I feel so bloated, it's rediculous. My pants are cutting into my belly, it hurts. I'm going to wait a week or so and see what I feel like then. If it gets worse, I'll take a test. Hopefully it'll get better. I mean I do kind of wish we were at a point in our lives where we could have another baby, but at the same time H is only almost a year old and I want to spoil her first, and also a big factor is money...basically we have none! We just CAN'T have another one til D is out of school! So I'm really hoping it's just the IBS.

Well Miss H's new teeth decided to make their debut yesterday! The left eye tooth on top, and the right middle tooth on top(which I didn't even know was about to come through)...and the other 2 aren't far off, they're big bulges in her gums. So that could be contributing to her snotting...4 teeth coming in at once, wow! I can't believe she's finally getting more teeth, so exciting! Also, I let her try milk for the first time yesterday. So far she takes after me and doesn't like it at all. She'd take a big drink from her sippy and spit it all back out. I tried all day, nope. Finally gave her water instead and she gulped that down. So I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't like milk!

Party went ok yesterday, a bit annoying but not horrible. H was fussy, she had refused to nap until RIGHT before we needed to leave the house. She slept the 30 minutes it took to get there, but that's it. And all day she just wanted me, and for once my inlaws and D's grandparents REALLY bugged the crap out of me. They kept coming up and trying to take her from me, and I just wanted them to leave us the hell alone. Miss H did not feel like socializing. She clung to me every time they'd come up to her, and I would tell them that she's not in a good mood and she doesn't feel like being social and they'd say "oh she's in a great mood, I just want to hold her!!" and they would pry her off of me!!!!!!!! I was so pissed. Finally I took her outside and walked up the long drive to the swingset my BIL just put up for nephew's bday and she swung for a while. But of course her papa had to come up and bug us. Finally I just went back to the house, packed up our stuff and left. My MIL called later and wasn't mean, so I don't think they picked up on my bad mood.

ok I'll add more to this post later...

Saturday

So hot here today, lower 80's...I realized Miss H doesn't have any shorts! And she's so hot natured. I had to run to Old Navy and get her a few pair. I got her a pair of jean shorts and 2 pair of little knit shorts. Also got myself a couple new tank tops since the ones I wore last summer are huge on me now that my boobs and stomach have deflated/shrank. Also got H a really cute knit dress that will be so comfortable for her to wear this summer. She looked SO CUTE in her new little jean shorts today!! Her little chubby knees sticking out, it was ADORABLE! She still has a cold the poor thing, I can hear her coughing away right now :o(

Went to the in-laws tonight, D's grandparents are in town for my nephew's 2nd birthday tomorrow. The party is at 3:00. Not looking forward to that. I'm not close to my nephew, and he's not a kid I'm crazy about...I know that sounds mean but I'm just being honest. And I'm TIRED. We didn't get home tonight til 11:00!!! I left with D's mom and grandma for Walmart at 6:30(so I could get nephew some gifts) this evening and we didn't get back til 8:30!! H woke up from a long nap on her papa, ate dinner, played, and then got really fussy so we headed for home. And now I'm trying unsuccessfully to get to sleep. For some reason my arms are aching tonight...I don't know if it's from carrying her today or what, but owie.

Actually kind of excited to go in to work Monday to put in my resignation...nervous too though, eek!

Tonight I was telling my MIL and GrandMIL about the new swing I got H and I was afraid they would be thinking I was nuts for buying an infant swing for my 1 year old...instead, come to find out, his grandma was getting all excited thinking I was pregnant again! She said "Are you trying to tell us something??" And my MIL was like oh gosh you say the word baby around my mom and she's going to start hoping you're pregnant again! So funny...even though his grandparents were happy last time believe it or not, it's still very different now that we're married...anytime his mom thinks I might be pregnant again she doesn't seem upset or anything, everybody's like that now. It'll be nice when we finally can have another one, everybody will be so happy when I get pregnant!

Ok off to find some boring movie to try to put me to sleep...

YEAH for me, I GOT IT!!

YAY, I got a new job!! The guy called me today as I was leaving work and told me he had good and bad news. They hired somebody for the position I interviewed for, that was the bad news. The good news is the person they hired was their bookkeeper, so that position was open now, and he wanted to know if I wanted it. He said they were really impressed with me, and wanted to offer me the job at 12.17 an hour. That's over a dollar more than I get paid now, AWESOME! Just for doing a bookkeeping/receptionist job. I'm so freaking excited, and still in shock. I've worked where I do for 7 years...I started there in highschool. I worked part time at Dillard's a couple years over the holidays, but I've never switched companies like this...it's really exciting and scary at the same time! But I'm mostly excited, and I feel really good about myself. I really thought I wasn't going to get it, and even though I didn't get the one I interviewed for I could care less, it's still a job w/ the school system and it's still in that same office w/ those great people! I get awesome benefits, more pay, nice people/atmosphere...it's going to be great!!

Now it's almost 1am and I'm SO tired...we went w/ the guys to see The Hills Have Eyes 2 tonight. I know I'm NUTS now...WHY did I want to see that movie?? I saw the first one, but I must have been insane to think this one wouldn't be gorrier and scarier. And I'm scared to death to be alone at night when D's out of town, it was just stupid to see that movie. And I have nobody to stay w/ me! Dan's trying to get his friend A to come stay w/ me. He's a nice guy. But I doubt he will. My mom has H for the night, I'm finishing up D's laundry and then we're going to crawl in bed and hopefully I'll be able to sleep in tomorrow. I'm so tired after running around so much this week trying to get those letters of rec. etc. SOOOOOOOO TIRED.

I might be getting one of these??

My new neighbor has Maltese puppies on the way, due any day now. The momma is a year old and pre-preg. she was only 5 lbs! I cannot WAIT to see the puppies. I hope the birth goes ok. The guy said he'd come get me to let me see the puppies after they're born. The momma and daddy are registered, but he's not registering the pups. He's selling them for 200 to 300$. I'm seriously considering getting one. I've wanted a dog for a long time now, even though I say I don't, I secretly do!! With D being gone so much it would be nice to have around, keep me company, something to sleep w/ in bed at night. And not to mention H LOVES dogs, ADORES them. I've got a while to make up my mind...he doesn't sell the pups til they're 12 wks...and he said it would be fully housebroke by then. I live right next door to them so I could visit the pup all the time til he lets me take it home. It's something to think about! We've got the money right now for all the start-up expense, so that's not an issue. And yes I know how much work dogs are, and how expensive their care is. Ok I used to have 6 rats, with health problems, that I spent hundreds of dollars on taking to the vet...surgery's, amoxicillan constantly, special bedding/food etc. My pets are pampered and well taken care of. :o)

Time Management sucks

One of the things my boss is doing to whip me into shape and make me a better employee (GRRR) is making me read this wonderful book on time management. Did I say wonderful?? Oh I'm sorry I meant STUPID ANNOYING INCREDIBLY BORING MAKING ME FEEL VERY UNORGANIZED AND STRESSED OUT book. The first line in this book is "Time keeps on slipping...into the future" - Steve Miller Band in "Fly Like an Eagle".....way to start off the book, make me realize how much time I'm wasting as I read this book on how not to waste time... I'm wondering who in the hell wrote this, they keep referring to songs....About time, they say "Like "ole man river," it just keeps rolling along." I finally get to the 2nd page(and this is not a large book here...it's really not holding my attention--can you tell??) It goes over a scene where your task is a simple one...finish a report for your boss by the end of the day and arrive at your son's recital at school on time. And it says you rush around like a chicken w/ it's head cut off all day, don't finish the report, get in your car and it won't start because you left your lights on all day, rush to the recital only to walk in late and see your son taking his final bow...and it says "What did you accomplish? You are nervous, harried, worried, disheveled and in trouble at work and at home. How can you prevent this from happening again? GET ORGANIZED!" NO SHIT?!?!? That's all??? That's crazy, why didn't I think of that?? Maybe I should put my time to better use(instead of wasting it at this crappy job where I'm not appreciated and evidently don't get a lick of work done) and write a book on time management myself...because seriously I could have written this book. And the whole time I'm reading, not comprehending anything I've read, all I can think is WHY ON EARTH DO WE HAVE TO HAVE MUSIC AT WORK, THIS CRAPPY MUSIC IS DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY INSANE

Is it Friday yet?!?!?!

So I just finished typing up some 1099 instructions for my oh-so-important and ever-changing procedures manual and I'm seriously ready to just pack up my crap and get the hell out of here. For good. I'm tired of the chimp(who I now know is also a big ol spy, relaying false info to my boss and getting us all in trouble for things we didn't do) I'm tired of my crappy boss nit-picking everything to death, I'm tired of her boss looking at me like I'm a worthless piece of trash that he'd LOVE to boot out the door...I'm tired of the gossip and heresay, I'm tired of not being appreciated for all the crap I get done here everyday. I'm tired of being watched like I'm in school...yesterday I got in trouble for being in the bathroom too long. I had to take a shit, I'M SORRY. But apparently that is something else I'm not allowed to do here anymore. Now this morning the issue is my time sheet. And the fact that I fill it out ahead of time for the week, to plan out my hours. Apparently this is REALLY confusing and I'm not supposed to do it anymore. Ok I've done that the entire 5 or 6 years we've had electronic time sheets on Excel. But now, it's too confusing, so I'm supposed to stop. Well I'm sorry, but my response was not "yes master" like I'm supposed to reply...I politely told her that that is the way I do it and that it helps me plan out my week. We'll see if I get a butt-whooping after her meeting is over and she reads the email. Seriously, if she says anything to me about how my reply was "uncalled for" or emails me and tells me not to argue w/ her and just do what she says...I'm THIS FREAKING CLOSE to leaving, right NOW. Regardless of whether or not I get that job I interviewed for yesterday(which btw the interview went well I think and I'm hoping hoping hoping I get it and going to feel like shit if I don't)....that's how bad it's gotten here, I cannot deal with this insanity any longer...I would rather take my 401k money and hope I can find a job in the next month. I'm so pissed I could scream.

On a more positive note, I got my letter of recommendation from this lady we've been friends w/ for a while that I worked w/ part time at Dillard's for a couple years. She's the Senior Academic Advisor for the Dept. of History at the University so she's pretty important LOL and oh my she gave me the best letter of rec. it was really touching to me to read what she wrote and realize that that is what she really thinks of me. See, I AM a good person and I AM a great employee!!! One of the other ladies is a scientist in some lab here in town, she's never told me where. But she is the sweetest person. Actually she doesn't get along with a lot of people(my mom included), but for some reason she loves me and we get along great. I worked with her at Dillard's also. Anyway she's got her letter written, she just has to have her secretary type it up for her today so she can fax it in. I wish I could read her letter, I'm really interested as to what it would say.

H woke up with a cold today :o( Face full of snot...it was crusted all over her face the poor thing. She was trying to blow it out of her nose, it was so cute. But she was coughing gunk up too and it almost made her throw up. I feel so bad for her. She had such a good night last night, in a great mood the whole time we were running our errands, and she LOVED the warm weather...she pulled her socks off in the car and went barefoot in Dillards and Walmart, talking and giggling the whole time. And when the wind would blow on her she would just smile so big and laugh. We were standing in the empty Dillard's parking lot after the store closed and it was so warm outside...I lifted H up above my head so she was flying like an airplane and spun in circles while the wind whipped around her. She was in heaven!! Then we went to Walmart, which she LOVES. We bought her a swing she and I both fell in love with. Yes, we do things backwards in this family. We had our baby before we got married, and now we bought an infant swing for our 1 year old. We're weird. But ok this swing holds up to 30 lbs. H doesn't even weigh 20 yet. We never had an infant swing except one of those little table top ones that she HATED with a passion. She loves the swing at the sitters, one of those normal sized ones...she still falls asleep in it to this day! So this is a new pattern/design out from Graco...I had told my mom the only thing we'd need to buy for our next baby is a swing, so now we have it! H was so upset when I wouldn't put her in it right there in the store. I stood her up on the shelf and she tried to climb in it. Here's the link and some pics(it looks MUCH prettier in person I swear!):

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=5223218





She's going to love it, and I can even take it out on the patio and let her swing in the warm spring air!! And maybe, just maybe, she'll nap well at home now!

Went to Culver's for dinner last night w/ mom and H and had a great time...we were there an hour and didn't even realize it!! I love hanging out with my mom, we have so much fun together. Anyway I had their frozen custard for the first time...I got a concrete with blackberries and sprinkles...SO GOOD! And cheap too. I ate almost the whole thing.

Alright I've been writing pieces of this here and there...better get back to work.

It's just not right

I'm sure most of you have probably heard about the pet food recall from Menu Foods. I cannot believe that this has happened. It makes me angry...why is pet food not tested at the same standards people food is? This shouldn't have happened, and the way the company is handling it is absolutely rediculous. Saying something like 1 dog and 9 cats have died as a result. The real numbers are MUCH higher. My friend S works at her parents' vet clinic. She said they've had hundreds of calls about this, people frantic their pets are going to die. She said it's actually an issue that people need to take very seriously and get their pets checked out even if they aren't showing any of the main signs of kidney failure. They've had 3 dogs die of unexplained kidney failure since January...now they know why. In all 3 cases the tainted food makes complete sense for the cause of death. If you haven't checked it out and want to know all the brands that have been affected by the recall, go to www.menufoods.com.
My mom's cats eat 9 Lives canned food and that brand isn't on the list...however on the local news last night they showed a can of 9 Lives being cut up on a plate. I emailed my friend to ask her about this particular brand...hopefully it hasn't been affected and the news was wrong. Luckily my cat only eats dry prescription cat food because she has urinary tract problems so I don't have to worry about her being affected by this.
I just felt like I had to say something about this.

Zoe



Ping Pong Kitty

WANTED

As I'm driving to work this morning my cell phone rings, and it's my friend M...the one that works at that other company where I had that interview...the one I haven't heard from in ages until I got an email from her last week telling me they bought a house and are in the midst of huge renovations so she's been super busy...anyway she tells me that the lady in charge of hiring at the company she works at just came and asked her if I'd possibly still be interested in working there. She said she just wanted to give me a heads up that they may possibly call me. I'm not counting on it, but I thought that was pretty neat that they asked about me. They wouldn't give her any more details, so I don't know if the person w/ the degree that they hired for that position quit, or wasn't good like the last person they hired and they fired them, or if it's another position entirely or what...but after this company I'm at now making me feel so worthless it feels good to have the school system calling me non-stop and even calling my mom to track me down to get an interview, and now this other company may be interested again! I'm really hoping for the school system job though, ins. is way better there and I think I'd end up with a bigger payck from there. Plus it would just be awesome to work for the school system. Construction accounting would be cool, but a challenge for sure. I think I would like Payroll better. Anyway enough about work crap...

Last night went ok. Dad, stepmom and brother left about a quarter til 8:00. D came home, ate, went to work...I put H to bed around 10:00 after ripping up a bunch of cc offers we got in the mail and letting her throw the paper all over. When D got home he put away the shampooer and vacuum and emptied the day's bottles etc...I really don't know what's gotten into him but I like it. He asked me very gently what the mess in the living room was all about. Since when does he care about messes?? But I admit, this mess was bad, little rips of paper everywhere mixed in w/ toys. I laughed and told him I really tried to pick it up but every handful I put in the plastic bag to throw away, she pulled back out...so I thought it was a lost cause and gave up and let her play. I went to get ready for bed and would you believe he picked up all the paper and took out the trash?? We watched Leno--his fav. and Letterman--my fav.(flipping back and forth) in bed(Paula Abdul was on Letterman, she is getting weirder and weirder as the years go on)...we're loving the TV my mom gave to us for the bedroom(which actually it was my TV to start with, I got it for xmas one year when I still lived at home and then left it there when I moved for my mom to use!)...anyway we both agreed that it's been really nice since he's been home from his trip. We haven't bickered hardly at all except for a tiny bit on Friday night when he was grumpy because I wouldn't decide where to eat(somehow no matter who I'm with or where we're at, that task always lands on MY shoulders and I hate it!!) I am not looking forward to him being gone every weekend for a month :o(

Ate lunch with sis today, more low key than last time, a tiny bit of giggling but mostly we were both tired and wanted naps and we talked about movies. I want to see The Hills Have Eyes 2, even thought it looks incredibly fake and unbelieveable...I saw the first one when I was pregnant with D and his friend TJ...they jumped in their seats and I just sat there! I HATE scary movies, HATE horror flicks, but I liked that movie. I'm weird, I know. I was very interested in the fact that they were deformed from radiation and living all alone like that or something, I don't know. Anyway the 2nd movie the people look like monsters, not believeable at all, but I still want to see it. And that Blades of Glory movie, gotta love Will Ferril!! I never get to go see movies at the theater anymore since Miss H can't go. My sister goes all the time. She just saw that one about that old lady with all the dolls, can't think of the title...but I cannot believe she went to see it, we are both insanely scared of those porceline dolls like that AND clowns, and there's BOTH in that movie!! She's nuts. She said there's another scary movie coming out in April about some sort of bugs that live in people's skin...it sounded interesting. And one called Knocked Up or something like that that looked funny. It's about time some good movies came out.

Someone smells like poo in my dept., YUCK...

Well, of COURSE, the lady I work with came and told me this morning that her granddaughter that is 2 days older than Miss H took 2 steps yesterday. Big ol SIGH. WHEN will H start walking?? It seems like everybody else is walking. She's been so advanced all her short life so far but not on this. I'm not worried about it except EVERYBODY keeps asking me, "Is she walking yet, is she walking yet??" and then acting like it's bad that she isn't. At first my mom told me "none of the babies at school her age are walking yet either, don't worry!" and then she told me last week "Well, actually, after I told you that they all started walking"....NICE! And then I thought well Baby A hasn't taken steps yet either. And then I got that news this morning. Not only is Baby A talking way more actual words than Miss H, she's now walking. H cruises the furniture, she can even stand on her own when she feels like it. She doesn't seem lazy, she zooms everywhere all the time, the girl never sits still. She's eating like crazy and sleeping ALL NIGHT(as in she doesn't cry in her sleep for her pacifier anymore now...I used to have to get up maybe 2 times a night to pop her pacifier back in her mouth and then go right back to bed) now, maybe she's going through a growth spurt and doesn't have the time/energy to learn to walk and learn more actual words right now? She's been repeating sounds lately, like this morning she was saying "pass" and pointing at her pacifier or "buh" for bug etc. I know I shouldn't worry, but I can't help it. By her age I was both walking AND talking, and I had a brace on my legs til I was 9 months old even. And I was even talking short sentences, like "more milk" etc. And I feel bad, I can't help but think to myself that maybe it's because the kids in D's family walked and talked later, and blaming these "slow" genes on his side of the family. After all my nephew(his brother's son) didn't learn to walk well til he was about 18 months and STILL can't talk well enough for us to understand him and he's 2. Which there is nothing wrong with, I'm just saying that's later than the kids in my family do things. Hell my nephews/neice were potty trained by age 1! I cannot imagine H being potty trained in less than a month. Right now she still just wants to chew on the toilet lid and throw things in the pot. I feel like maybe I don't work with her enough...but I do constantly. I play with her instead of doing chores or cooking, and I talk to her constantly, naming objects, telling her what I'm doing. Some nights I do more than others, I admit...but I work 40 hrs a week and don't get home til 6:00 usually, and only get maybe 6 hrs of sleep a night if that. I'm tired. Last night I let her play with the paper shreds for a good 20 minutes while I sat on my butt and checked blogs and my email. And then I felt horrible. And her daycare is great, she used to be a 3rd grade teacher and does circle time w/ them and all that. But she also teaches them sign language which D and I had decided we were NOT going to do because we are those people that believe it hurts more than it helps. Nothing against anybody that believes the opposite. And honestly when I think about it, none of the kids that go there talk well. Her son is 3 and I understand a lot of what he says but he doesn't talk "well"...her 1 year old doesn't say any words that I know of except maybe dada, but he generally doesn't babble like H. Her niece that's now 2 doesn't talk AT ALL. Maybe it's just the kids in their family talk later. But I can't help but think maybe if I could be a SAHM she would already be talking and walking. I hate the fact that I can't stay home with her. I never wanted to be a working mom. Even when I was little bitty I dreamed of being a SAHM. One of these days, hopefully...maybe I'll be able to do it right with our next baby...

Better get back to work. Fun day committee meeting in B's office at 3:00, YIPPEE!! (note sarcasm)

Can somebody please tell me how to cross out things on here? I've seen some people do it and I can't figure it out...

I love these non-stressful days

My boss went home sick again today, shockingly enough...and for once I felt free to work at my own pace and I didn't feel like I was constantly being watched. It was so nice. I wish I had a job that was like this every day. Where I could get my work done STRESS FREE. How awesome would that be??? And only 10 minutes left til I get to go pick up Miss H, thank goodness. Company coming tonight evidently...my dad, stepmom and little brother again. I think they want to make this a regular Monday night thing. I'm always so tired Monday nights. But oh well, at least they're making the effort to be a part of our lives for once.

Taco Bell date with my sister tomorrow, looking forward to that immensely. Always brightens my mood!! And I am craving food SO BAD.

I'VE BEEN TAGGED!!!

Checked the blogs I read for new updates before I went to bed last night, and much to my surprise I found out that I'd been tagged(by Kristin) for the first time, WOOHOO!! I don't know why this is so important to me, but it is...I'm a nerd, I know...

So here's what I gotta do....List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what they are. They must be songs you are presently enjoying. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

So this might be a little hard for me. I don't listen to music much anymore...when I was a teen I was infatuated w/ music, my whole life was music...from about 7th grade til 10th I wore the band shirts, bought TONS of cds...it started off w/ rap, then moved on to stuff like Pink Floyd and The Doors, and alternative "grunge" like Nirvana etc....so, I think I'll kind of alter the rules of this tag a little bit, and do my seven favorite songs of all time...because like I said, I just don't listen to music much anymore. So, I'll do my best...

1. Blind Melon "No Rain"...This is by far my most favorite song in the whole wide world. I have it copied onto a few random cds and I still listen to it on repeat at least once a week in the car, singing at the top of my lungs. The lyrics were made for me. I love the beat, I love the music, I love the singer's voice...and the video on MTV was pretty awesome back in the day, with that little chubby girl in the bumblebee costume. Everything about the song puts me in a good mood, and makes me love myself for who I am!!

"All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain. And all I can do is just pour some tea for two and speak my point of view but it's not sane. I just want some one to say to me, I'll always be there when you wake. Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today. So stay with me and I'll have it made. And I don't understand why I sleep all day and I start to complain when there's no rain. And all I can do is read a book to stay awake. And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape. All I can say is that my life is pretty plain. Ya don't like my point of view ya think I'm insane. It's not sane..."

2. Pink Floyd "Wish You Were Here"...Love Pink Floyd...my momma introduced them to me at a young age, and it stuck. Wish You Were Here is by far my favorite song of theirs. And now it has deeper meaning for me, besides just being a good song. My cousin, who was like my brother(he was my favorite person growing up, I idolized him) killed himself my senior year in high school...at his funeral after they put his casket in the ground, his friends played that song really loud as they drove away. So now every time I hear it, it reminds me of him. It's a great song.

3. Robert Palmer "Addicted to Love"...Oldie but goodie...I don't even remember how old I was when this song came out, but I know I was still a little tot way back in the good ol' 80's. I'd be sitting there in the car w/ my mom, belting this song out as loud as I could...course I didn't understand all the lyrics, "Mineyswell face it!" I have this song on a few random cds as well, and listen to it really loud when H's not in the car and I need a good pick me up. The beat is great. And let's face it, Robert Palmer is just plain awesome!!

4. Alice In Chains "No Excuses"...Again these lyrics seem made for me. Alice In Chains is definately one of my all time favorite bands. I can listen to ALL their cds from start to finish, no skipping over any songs...I like them ALL. Shame their singer had to die. All the good ones die. My cousin that I mentioned in #2 turned me onto this band when I was very young. He is the reason I listen to a lot of what I do.

5. Nirvana "Heart Shaped Box"...It was hard for me to pick just one song by this band. It's AMAZING to me that this isn't my #1. I used to be OBSESSED with Nirvana. I mean bad. I had posters, stickers, books, tshirts(I'll never forget when I found the Sliver shirt in a thrift store, I flipped shit) 45's, all their cds. I love their music...this is another band that I could listen to all their cds from start to finish. I used to dream of being in a band like this(no matter the fact that I have absolutely no musical talent whatsoever). Now the tshirts and posters are packed away...my blue hair grew out many many years ago...the cds spend all of their time tucked safely in my cd case at home. For a couple years of my life(Frehsman, Sophomore in highschool) Nirvana was my way of life(minus the hardcore drugs!)...I'm not the same person anymore, at all. And even though I never listen to their music anymore unless the random song comes on the radio(the music holds a lot of bad memories for me) I'll always love it.

These last two are a little tough...there aren't any more songs just jumping out at me that I've loved consistently over the years, so I'll throw in two that always make me happy. They remind me of long drives in the country with my momma, on hot summer days, windows down and music blaring in our little Toyota Tercel, both of us singing at the top of our lungs(and neither one of us can sing worth a darn)...I absolutely love these memories...some of the best times in my life...

6. The Eagles "Seven Bridges Road"...I haven't heard this song in years because the only recording I have of it is on a tape and I don't have a tape player in my car. I love this song, I love the mood it puts me in, and I love the memories it evokes.

7. George Strait "Where the Sidewalk Ends"...I still sing this song to this day. My sister absolutely loves it when I put this cd in and belt it out at the top of my lungs. Makes her laugh hysterically. This song will always put a smile on my face, for so many good memories it brings, and just the general upbeat tone of the music!!

So there you have it, there's my 7. Now I have to tag 7 people??? Gosh I don't think I know 7!!! So here's as many people as I can come up with, and they may be repeats of somebody else's tags...Wendy, Christina, Erin, Emmakirsten, Normal Girl...alright well 5's better than nothing!


Ok on to my regular Monday post...

Yesterday was a pretty darn good day. 8:00am, I wake up and hear H saying "uh oh! uh oh!" so I nudge D and tell him she's awake. Sunday is supposed to be his day to get up with her. But normally I have to still get up with her and change her diaper and get her breakfast started and all that and wait til he gets "woke up" enough to take over, drives me insane. I don't get back to bed until like an hour later and by then I can't get back to sleep. But not only did he get up at like 10:00 on Saturday, yesterday when I told him she was awake, he got up, went and got her, and I never heard another peep out of them til 11:00 when H started yelling because she was getting bored! Amazing...he fed her breakfast without my help, she had a bottle, she had a short nap, he entertained her, and I got to sleep in!!! I haven't had a morning like that since before she was born...it was great.
So I got the carpet in the living room and front hallway cleaned yesterday. Surprise surprise my DAD is the one that came over to watch H while I got it done! My dad is a whole other post, but I'll just say he hasn't been there for me growing up, he's caused me a lot of problems in my life, and it's just amazing that he came over to my house to help me out like that. Thank God H actually warmed up to him this time(usually she is scared of him) and they played in her bedroom for most of the time, until she got curious and wanted to see what mommy was doing...then he brought her into the kitchen where she *gasp!* fell asleep on his shoulder! So he held her and rocked her while she slept, and I had time to take a shower and do my hair and makeup!! Then he left and my sister came over. We met my cousin(Biracial Rachel) at the mall. B.R. and I had the same shirt and shoes on...between the 3 of us, 2 of us always wear the same shirt, jeans, something, without knowing it...it's rediculous. So we walked around the mall a bit. I found H a bday present on sale at Target. A set that comes w/ one of those play tents, a blow up fold out mini loveseat thing, a sleeping bag, a tiara, wand and I think a flashlight, all in a handy duffel bag. It was only $24.99! She'll love it. Then we left and went to Olive Garden to eat and MAN did we eat. I LOVE their new baked ziti which my sister and I got. My cousin got the ravioli. For appetizers we got the spinach dip and the calamari. By the end we were STUFFED. H shared my ziti, ate a whole breadstick and a banana that I had brought. She's a little pig. After that we dropped H off at my mom's and ran across the road to Walmart. Oh evil, evil Walmart. I spent $100 and I didn't even get that much crap. Diapers, Next Step Formula, razors...crap is expensive. The one thing I splurged on was a $12 Crest teeth-whitening kit. I better have damn white teeth in 14 days. Went back and picked up H, hurried home where D had been waiting for me for 3 hrs!! I thought sure since he was practicing that he'd be gone til dark...shockingly he hurried home at 5:30 to spend time with me! And I wasn't there til 8:30, I felt SO SO SO bad. I don't know if it's because he was gone for a whole week and genuinly missed us, or the fact that I've let him get lucky every night since he's been back...hm....more sex = better husband???? Interesting... we'll see if it lasts... anyway before we went to bed he showed me fishing on the Wii, this really basic game w/ flat construction paper looking fish, that I TOTALLY ROCK at! I beat his ass so bad, and he kept restarting the game and he still couldn't match my skillz. What can I say, I'm awesome. Didn't get to sleep til after 1:00am, so I'm dead tired. Already lunch time though, where'd the time go??? Thank God the day's half over.

The closer this interview gets, I'm getting more nervous. I'm starting to want this job really bad. It would be amazing, awesome, just so great if I could get out of here and get that job. I would be bringing home more, insurance would be great, it would just be so nice. I guess we'll see...I'm still not getting my hopes up.

Alright I guess I better go do some work. And eat, it is lunch time afterall and I forgot to eat breakfast...

It is March right??

Woke up this morning to snow...it's actually piling up and everything. And it's still coming down strong an hour and 1/2 later! I hope it doesn't last long. I was really done with snow this year.

SO TIRED...did not want to get up at 8 this morning when H woke up. She had pooped again. What's up with the morning poops lately? Not really what I want to do first thing in the morning, change poopy diaper. Good thing she's so stinking cute!

Went to Ruby Tuesday's last night for dinner to spend some family time since D is back home...we can't go anywhere without people talking to H and commenting on how cute she is. One older man came up to us and asked how old she is. We told him 11 months and he yelled at his wife..."honey 11 months!!!" We turned around, she was sitting a few booths behind us, and she said "Oh my, we have a granddaughter that's 14 months old and she doesn't have near as much hair as her! I just love her hair!!" We had it in pigtails, and she is VERY cute w/ her hair like that. D isn't used to being out and about w/ us like that since he's always so busy and gone, so he's not used to all the attention we get when we take H out. I could just see him beaming from ear to ear. It was too cute.

Spent like an hour after we got home last night looking for this black knit nightie thing I bought at Old Navy before the honeymoon...never wore it on the honeymoon, had just had H 3 months before and was still healing. So now I have no idea where it is and it's driving me nuts, it would be so comfy to sleep in this summer...but on the plus side while I was looking for it I found tons of clothes that I thought had disappeared!! YEA!! I'm very excited about that. And I found the tie thing to my robe that I'd been missing forever so that's pretty awesome.

I'm trying to decide how late I should let D sleep. If he doesn't get enough sleep he's no fun to be around, but I NEVER get to sleep in...I'd like to lay back down for like an hour. I love my soft warm bed!!!

TGIF

It's finally Friday again, YAY!!!!!!! Actually this week has flown by. D was gone all week but we were so busy I didn't even have time to sit and pine for him like I usually do. I am very happy he's home though, it was so nice to cuddle up next to him in bed last night. I did what I usually do, cuddle up next to him so bad I literally almost push him off the bed...he has like 2 ft. of space if that to sleep on and we've got a queen bed. Hopefully he's happy to be home to :o) Miss H was so happy to see him this morning. She smiled really big and giggled and then stuck her finger in his belly button. She fell asleep on the living room floor last night about 8:00 and I couldn't get her to wake up enough so I put her pjs on her at 9:00 and rocked her to sleep w/ a bottle and she slept all night til 7:40 this morning when she woke up because she'd pooped. I could tell she was so tired. I don't know if it's the time change or how busy we've been or what, but she needed the rest. She was in a GREAT mood when she woke up this morning.

I absolutely love my drive to work every day. I take the back roads through the country because it's actually faster and WAY better scenery. It's so nice w/ no traffic, and I see deer and turkeys and chickens on the way there, and little birds swoop around my car. It's so peaceful!

I got a call from the school system last night wanting to set up an interview w/ me! They called while I was still at work and by the time I got off they were closed so I was going to call them back at lunch today using D's phone(mine's still messed up)...and they just called again! I can't answer because 1. they couldn't hear me talk anymore since my phone's messed up and 2. I'm at work! My mom just emailed me(she works for the school system at an elementary school) and said they just called her asking if I'd gotten my message yesterday! She told them I'd be calling them at lunch. I haven't turned in my 3 letters of recommendation yet, I need to get a move on on that. I'm so excited though...this is a payroll job requiring 2 yrs of experience, and I have accounts payable experience not payroll. But I applied anyway thinking what could it hurt, and they are actually interviewing me! It's really hard to get a job w/ the school system though so I'm not getting my hopes up. But how cool would that be? And the pay is more than I make here, AND they would pay for my health insurance! I would still have to pay group rates for H and D, but that would help a ton if they'd pay mine. So we'll see what happens with that...

Busy day so far, a million cks to do. Thank God it's Friday. Trying to figure out what I'm going to do tonight, don't know when D's going to be home. I was thinking about going by this children's used clothing store, I used to get some of H's clothes there when she was a little baby, but they've gotten kind of pricey. The stuff is really good condition but still it's used...I don't really want to pay 7.50 for a Gap onesie when I could buy a brand new one for not much more than that! But sometimes I would find really good deals, cute little dresses or whatnot for 2.00 or so. I'm really wanting to go to Old Navy, but we don't have any money...I need a couple more of their knit skirts since I wear those a TON in the summer and the ones I had last year are way too big now. And some tank tops, since my boobs also shrank quite a bit since last summer...since I quit breastfeeding they've steadily shrank. Will probably end up just hanging around the house...wish it was still warm, I'd love to take H on a walk!

Better get to work...D's meeting me for lunch today, I'm looking forward to that.

Fun With Webdings

` Always recycle!

~ I like thunderstorms...sometimes

! I am terrified of SPIDERS!!

@ I am actually pretty handy around the house

$ I wear my sunnnnnnnnnglasses at night...

- My grandma survived breast cancer for over 15 years

H We hope to own a house one day

J I've never been to the beach, and I don't know that I really care to go...pictures are pretty though!

' Paperclips must be sorted between big and small...to have them all combined in the same bowl is really unsettling to me

C The city is a nice place to VISIT

b I LOOOOOOOOOVE going bike riding!!

M I want to see mountains someday

, I hate spicy food because it makes me sick!

Q I LOOOOOOOOOVE camping!!

w My husband plays golf for the university he goes to

e I LOOOOOOOOOVE getting presents, who doesn't?!?! And giving them too of course...

E I have always wanted to visit the desert

Y I love being in love!

I I need a vacation...

P We love driving around out in the country enjoying the fresh air and peace and quiet!

I hurt from laughing

Ok well I just ate lunch w/ my sister and I feel tons better. We were both in bad moods when we met up(she always picks me up for lunch she's so sweet) but that didn't last long. When we're together we just laugh hysterically. We feed off each other and act so silly and just crack each other up. It all started w/ her comment on my sexy leopard print socks(that I wore because my others were all dirty ok!)...at one point she was laughing so hard she spit soda all over the place and I was laughing so hard I was drooling...it was great. I don't even know what we were laughing about most of the time...we did talk(nicely) about my cousin though, who we call "Biracial Rachel" because well her name's Rachel and she's bi-racial. We usually sing it like it's some super hero name...Rachel actually thinks it's hilarious. I don't know why it cracks me up every time. Also in the car back at my work, where last time my little sister decided she's got "smokers toes," this time she was freaking out about my hands...they're really dry and cracked because of over-obsessive handwashing and she knew they were bad but not this bad...she told me in a deep gay guy voice "oh God girl we're gonna get you hooked UP"....we have a weird sense of humor...and laugh easily. It's great! And I feel tons better!!!!!!

Drowning

Company 2 times during the work week = one very tired baby, laundry not done, sink full of dishes....and one tired momma. My niece drove me nuts last night. She drove H nuts...T got yelled at quite a few times by H because she wouldn't just get out of her face and leave her the hell alone. This morning I realized CRAP I forgot to wash my work pants so I had nothing to wear to work today. Right now I have 1 pair of pants to wear to work...that's IT. I have 2 new pair sitting in bags waiting to be hemmed because they're about 10 inches too long for me(being 5'2" sucks sometimes) but Lord knows when I'll get that done. The problem is that I'm smaller now than I was even before I got pregnant. I was a 4 then, and now I'm a 2. So I don't even have any pre-preg. clothes that fit except this 1 pair of khakis that is pretty damn stained and freyed at the bottom. And I cannot afford to go out and buy new work clothes. So I'm having to make due w/ what I have, which is obviously not much. I scrambled around this morning and ended up wearing the smaller of my 2 size 6 pants from when I first started back to work at 8 weeks post-partum. I'm wearing a belt so they don't fall down to my ankles. And yes they are bagging off my ass, but I couldn't call in of course and I couldn't come to work in stretch pants, so...I didn't really have an alternative. I hate being poor!! And on that note, I'll mention how I just called the hospital to have my husband's 800$ ER bill and my 500$ ER bill added to my daughter's 400$ ER bill...and now instead of paying 25$ a month(which we can't afford) I have to pay $45 a month(which we REALLY can't afford). Things just keep getting worse. Our tax money is going to last us maybe another 3 months if that. Then we're screwed. Does working at a vet clinic count as experience for Natural Resources/Wildlife Management??? Because that is the only way D will be able to work and get experience at the same time this summer I think...to work at my friend's vet clinic. Anyway like I said before, I'm so sick of being poor. It's just not fair. Things were great before we had H, we had money to buy groceries, go to the movies, buy new clothes if we needed it...we didn't have these big credit card balances looming over our heads either. But 600$ rent and 600$ a month in daycare, ok that's my whole paycheck. D gets 500$ a month from his grandparents since they don't have to pay for his college anymore because he is on a full scholarship for playing golf(his grandparents are those little old people that live in the same tiny house they always have but are so stinking rich it's rediculous)...and that basically covers a little bit of gas, his 200$ car pmt and utilities. WHERE am I supposed to come up w/ the rest of the money every month for cc pmts, cell phone, ins., food, etc.?? I can't get a 2nd job, that's not an option since D is gone all day and evening. I just don't know what to do, I feel like I'm drowning sometimes.

Quittin Time

Well it's almost time to leave for the day, thank God. It's been a busy but boring day. I have to rush home, my friend SC is meeting me at my house at 6:00...I haven't seen her in months. When she messaged me to make sure she could still come, she asked which apt. # I live in again...I don't live in an apt. anymore, we moved way back in September!! That's how long it's been. So I was looking forward to that, and then my sister calls today to see what I'm doing tonight...my niece T(8 years old or something like that) is staying the night at my dad's house tonight and wants to see H(she's obsessed w/ her). I couldn't say no, even though my friend is coming over. So now about 30 mins. after my friend gets there my stepmom, little brother and niece will be coming over too. I don't mind the company, that's just kind of a lot all in one night! My little niece is really excited...I used to keep her all the time when she was younger, back before I'd moved in w/ D. I'd always take her shopping and buy her all kinds of clothes and toys(my older sister has 3 kids and no money so I always spoiled her kids, I even spent my whole tax return on them 1 year...I used to buy their new clothes for the season and swimsuits and coats every year too), but then she started getting older and I got pregnant and I just quit keeping her overnight. I feel bad sometimes, but I am just so busy now, and to be honest the older she gets she is more and more annoying...she talks a LOT, which a lot of little girls do, and she's kind of starved for attention so she's always ON ME, which drives me nuts. And she stresses H out, always in her face talking high pitched squeaky baby talk and wanting to hold her. But it will still be fun to have her over tonight. My stepmom just called and said she fried up a package of chicken strips for me and she made me some cheese peas(I was just asking her about these the other night, I LOVED when she made these when I was little and hadn't had them in YEARS) and she's got it all packaged up even w/ a little container of rance dressing to dip the chicken in, for me to eat tonight. How freaking sweet is that of her?? So thoughtful. She said she knows w/ D being out of town I probably won't be cooking so this way I won't have to scramble around trying to find something to eat w/ all that company. People don't ever do stuff like that for me usually unless I ask...like if my MIL is coming over and I call her on the way and say "Hey can you bring me a taco pretty please???? And a Dt. Pepsi??? PLEEEEEASE?" I am usually the one being thoughtful doing unexpected things like that for people. I'm just really touched. Who knew some chicken strips and cheese peas could mean so much huh :o) So anyway it's been a pretty un-eventful day, nothing much to write about. OH! H got her first birthday party invite yesterday. A lady I work w/ has a granddaughter that is 2 days older than H, and they're having her bday party on H's bday at this place right by our house. I told her of course we'd come. She said "Well I know it's on H's birthday" but I told her we won't be having her party that day anyway as D will be out of town. So how exciting is that, the girls will finally get to meet after a year of talking and comparing notes on them. Baby A really reminds me of H, hopefully they will take to each other and become little toddler friends! How cute.

My baby is 11 months old today!!!!

I do have feelings ya know

I love my mom to pieces, she's one of my best friends. And I love having her around all the time, we have so much fun together. But every now and then she'll make a comment that really hurts my feelings. Tonight as I'm sitting here on the couch folding a load of Miss H's laundry, eating applesauce and reading my email from D's friend Adam(can we say multi-tasking??) my mom is sitting in the recliner...I hand her the empty applesauce cup and ask her to put it in the bowl on the end table by the chair. And she says "It's a wonder you don't have bugs." WTF?!?! Ok my house is not dirty. A little bit unorganized and a tad messy, yes, but GAWD if you knew my husband and my hectic schedule you'd understand. But dirty, NO...and for the most part everything is picked up and in it's place. I mean jeez tonight when we got home H was asleep so I put her in our bed and I took out a bag of trash and a bunch of cardboard boxes to the dumpster, vacuumed out the utility room from where the litter box used to be and mopped my whole kitchen floor, moved my hampers into the laundry room area, emptied and rinsed the bottles from daycare today, put some random groceries away, opened the house up to air out in this wonderful weather, started a load of laundry, threw out some old food from the fridge...all within like 30 minutes. Ok I keep this place clean. I still haven't gotten to shampoo my living room floor, but I will get that done as soon as I have the time w/ somebody to watch H. But my point is, my mom KNOWS how much of a clean freak and perfectionist I am, and she knows how I sit and stress at work all day about the chores that need to be done here, she KNOWS I bust my ass and stay up really late getting stuff done around here...she knows how much I hate to have a messy/unclean house, I mean it stresses me out bad. And for her to make a comment like that, really really hurt my feelings. Yes one bowl that has dried hamburger helper juice in it from the night before is going to make me have bugs. ???? Seriously...that is rediculous. The only time I have ever had bugs, was the apt. before this we lived over this really nasty college guy w/ long greasy hair that I caught dealing drugs, he was just nasty, and we caught a few roaches coming up from his apartment which disgusted me to no end. I deep cleaned my whole kitchen both times I found one. And not to mention the cleanest people can have bugs...my stepmom is even more of a clean freak than I am, and my grandma is too...and they've both had ants a few times. I could go on and on...basically my feelings are very hurt and now I'm even more stressed that this place must be disgusting.

So cute dress

Gotta get this dress for H, reminds me of something I would wear when I was a little girl!! Would look so cute w/ a little pair of jellies!

No sense

I have a million job duties at work. I've got a lot of crap to get done every day, and I can never get ahead. I've got 1 coworker(an old lady so close to retirement but not close enough as far as she's concerned) that sits at her desk 3/4 of the day doing nothing. Literally, nothing. Then there's the French lady, who I get coffee with every morning and sometimes lunch at McD's...she runs out of work fairly often also, and complains of being bored. Then my other cuby neighbor, she spaces her work out and surfs the net some of the day to make herself always look busy. Then there's the Chimp, as mentioned in previous post...who also never has anything to do. Her job was created by my boss because my boss is freaky anal about everything being done 2 wks ahead of time and she wants things quadruple checked before they get the "all clear." We didn't need the extra person, as she always complains of having nothing to do. Which means she frequently wanders around being nosy, coming over to stand behind me and see what I'm doing on the computer(I don't fully trust her) and bug me for work to do. This morning I let her key my JE's. After all I have a million things to get done. Do I need the help? NO....but she needs work, so by all means take mine, I don't give a crap. Actually she is working on a "special project" for my boss. Which means crap to fill up time so it looks like she has something to do so the big boss won't think hiring for that position was a mistake. SO...this all brings me to my gripe about my job and this dept. and how it's run. My job is by far the busiest position...I have lots of daily, weekly and monthly duties that have to be done. I get them done. But yet I get horrible reviews every year because supposedly I don't get things done on time and am constantly needing help. I have explained to my boss that people taking my work because they have nothing to do does not define "needing help" but apparently I'm just a shitty worker and don't know anything. I am told I need to get to where I have free time like everybody else. WHY??? Why in the world should it be our goal to be bored out of our minds with nothing to do? Their answer to that is to study...for stupid designation tests that I have absolutely NO desire to take. I could care less if I take any INS courses or get my CPCU designation. I am not striving to succeed in the insurance industry here. I'm striving to be the best possible worker I can be at MY POSITION, which for now pays my bills, and then when I have the option I am going to move on. And why, if everybody else is constantly having nothing to do, don't they even out the workload a bit? Give the JE's to Chimp and the Deposits to Old Lady. Oh but then I won't have anything to do, and GOD forbid I ever run out of work! It's ok for the rest of them, but for me, no! It doesn't make any sense. I get sick and tired of running aroung this place like a chicken w/ my head cut off, trying to do a million things at once and do them all right, and here 3/4 of my coworkers are all wandering around complaining that they have nothing to do. And I GET PAID THE LEAST OF ALL OF THEM!!!!!!! How is this all fair?

I HATE NEEDLES

We had our Wellness screening here at work this morning. I fasted for 12 hrs before my 9:15 appt. (well not really, I ate a brownie at 10:15 last night, I forgot) and then had a 9:15 appointment to have my blood drawn. I freaking hate having my blood drawn. First of all I hate needles, and I hate the thought of a needle poking in your skin, in your vein and making you bleed...talk about anxiety, all freaking night I was worried about this. The last time I had my blood drawn was in the ER back in January and it was HORRIBLE. The lady was a manly biatch first of all, and she went right through my vein making blood spurt all over the floor like something out of a horror flick...it had dripped all over the bed, I mean it was everywhere. The dr. came in later and was like whoa what happened I thought you were just sick??!?!! So you can imagine I was a little worried about this morning. And which one of the 5 phlebotomist people do I get???!?!!! The old lady w/ really shaky hands that just poked a girl 5 times between both arms and couldn't get a single drop of blood. I warned her this does not go well for me, either they can't find a vein or it keeps rolling on them or they poke right through it. And then she "loses" my 8x10 piece of paper w/ my info on it. It's right in front of her face on the table. And what does she tell me? "I'm blind in one eye!" I shit you not. WOW I have awesome luck!! So she took my bp, something like 104 over 60 something, ok I have no idea what that means. Then she weighs me, yay 111, which means I just haven't gained my 2 lbs of food for the day yet. Then the needle prodding time comes. And lo and behold she pokes me, gets 2 vials of blood, says I have "excellent veins!" and that's that. Then I went and loaded up on the healthy breakfast they'd prepared for us...fresh fruit, muffins(the one w/ golden raisins was SO good!), yogurt and OJ. So it didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would.

We got this new Quickbooks online subscription here at work and I HATE it. I don't recommend it. We had Quicken software before, and it worked just fine. But apparently it was so old they couldn't update it or something and they chose Quickbooks because it's online? I have no idea. But it's already causing me problems and I've only used it 2 days. I hate it. Of course I hate change, but seriously this program sucks. It moved a huge 6 figure transaction I entered into one company into another company this morning FOR NO REASON which made this tiny company look hugely overdrawn and of course my boss's boss was like "this can't be right blah blah blah" and he already doesn't like me as it is. I tried to tell him it's nothing I did but like he cares. Today is one of those days where I'm ready to run the hell out of here and never look back. I'm having EFT issues also so I need to go sort out that mess. My job is so not fun.

I have a skinny baby. She's lost so much weight being sick. She's so light when I pick her up, and her little pants aren't tight on her belly anymore. Seriously you can really tell how much she's lost, at least a lb. and that's a lot on such a short little booger like her. She's eating better though, and she's finally peeing more normally so that's good. Slept all night again last night too. So I think she's over it...hopefully!

I am not looking forward to lunch today, I didn't have anything good to bring. A beef cup of noodles, BLEGH. I cannot go out to eat everyday, as much as I want to, I just can't...we don't have that kind of money. But I really want McDonalds. :o( Oh yea I didn't get to clean my floors last night...right as I got home and was waiting for my mom to pick Miss H up, my dad called and got all pissy w/ me when I told him what we were doing. "You're MOM is taking her to HER house???? Well fine then." Apparently he thought from our conversation Sunday night that they were coming over to see H last night. I don't remember ever making those plans, but no problem. I told him that's fine(because I'm such a great daughter) that I could always shampoo the carpet Tuesday night instead since they have Bible study Tuesdays. So they came over(my dad, stepmom and little brother) and H refused to go inside(nature baby) she wanted to walk in the grass and check out all the trees and touch the fire hydrant etc. So we put her in the stroller and went on a long walk. My dad pushed her. It was so cute to see my dad pushing a baby stroller...you'd have to know him...he's this rough tough biker guy, he's had major problems being arrested and crap, he's just not a nice gentle lovey dad like you always hear about. He loved it, he had so much fun. They brought her her first Cabbage Patch Newborn, it's really cute and has that nice Cabbage Patch doll smell. She likes to feed it it's bottle. My dad cooked me some hamburger helper before they left. We had the windows open in the house, the weather was awesome! It was a really good night.

Ok I am really missing my husband...I was ok, and then last night I kinda started missing him a little more and then this morning I'm just a mess. I want him to come home. I talk to him on the phone at night and hear how tired he sounds, and he's not doing well at this tournament so that makes it hard for him to have any fun...I just want him home. Luckily he doesn't have another tournament for a couple weeks so we'll get to spend some time together. I just wanna give him a big ol hug. I hate it when he's gone. :o(

Ok gotta tackle this EFT problem now, FUN FUN...

Smoker's Toes, Jesus is Lord, and why I love my family...and a little poop

Ok so I have to go to the bathroom(I'm telling you that General Foods International coffee crap is the best) and I was just about to get up from my desk to go, and another lady from my dept. snuck in and closed the door. This really sucks because A. I hate using the bathroom 2 ft. away from ours because it's in another dept. and it doesn't feel "comfortable" like our bathroom does and B. this means I have to wait a good 10 minutes to go because I hate the whole warm toilet seat thing, grosses me out thinking somebody else's butt was JUST sitting there EW!! Speaking of the bathroom, I don't know if I posted about the little surprise I found on the floor in there a week or 2 ago...the poop on the floor? Did I post about that? How sick...went to go to the bathroom and before I could sit down I saw a little terd on the floor!! Who on earth flings poop? I think I know who did it, so I will refer to her as the Chimp from now on. And the Chimp is the one that just stole the bathroom when I need to go. So anyway back to the poo on the floor...yea the smear from it is STILL THERE. Shows you just how often they clean the bathroom floors around here. Nice huh??

Ok so I ate lunch w/ my sister today. I was in a great mood, and I knew it would be fun. And it's so freaking nice out I wanted to enjoy the weather, not rush out and grab something and rush back. So we sat in the car and ate Taco Bell. As I'm finishing my taco she comments on how yellow her toenails are. "Have you just taken the polish off recently?" I ask her. No. No polish. "How freaking gross do they look, I look like I'm a smoker, I have freaking smoker's toes!!" I busted out laughing. What in the world smoker's toes are exactly, I don't know. This is one of the many reasons I love her.

And something amusing my little brother has done recently... ok first off I'll just tell you that my sister is very outspoken. She says what's on her mind. I'm the same way except I don't have this weird paranoia that everybody in the world hates me like she does(really I don't)...but if we pass a girl in the mall she'll be like "What are you looking at bitch" swearing she gave her a dirty look when I thought the girl looked pretty friendly. So anyway, like I said, she's outspoken, and my little brother is becoming more this way every year. During a trip to Walmart recently w/ my little brother my sister was aparently getting quite a few stares(she's a good looking girl, always getting looks) and she wasn't in the mood. After telling quite a few guys point blank to stop looking at her, my little brother(he's tiny ok, just picture this tiny little 6th grade white boy, he's about the smallest kid in his whole grade) walked up behind a married guy that had been staring at my sister for 5 minutes while waiting in line at the checkout, stood like a foot behind them and said "Man you need to quit looking at my sister you're MARRIED don't you know that's wrong??" Apparently the guy was pretty embarrassed and his wife was pretty pissed. Then as they're walking out to their car, my sister was being stalked by a group of Mexicans. So my little brother throws out his hands and yells "WHAT, beaners, WHAT????"--ever the little gangster, which is hilarious because he's such a little white boy....now before you take offense, you must know that my stepmom is Mexican, therefor my sister and little brother are also Mexican, so the whole beaner comment was totally not racist. There's no way we could be racist in our family, we represent all the races except oddly enough we have no Asian relatives that I know of.

Which brings me back to my sister, now that you know how outspoken she is. (Which is another reason I love her) Another thing I should tell you is that the family is divided by religion. My dad, stepmom, stepmom's parents and now apparently my little brother, are all Jehovah's Witnesses. My sister and I are not. So this creates some tension. My sister and I totally respect them, I mean they are free to believe whatever they want to believe. We don't celebrate holidays around them, we don't include them in any get-togethers etc. and D and I even got H's xmas pictures taken on a separate background just for them that only included snow, no holiday-ness whatsoever. But they DON'T respect our wishes to be Christian's...regular ol' God-lovin Christian's. We're "wrong" and should also be Jehovah's Witnesses. So every now and then we have to throw in a "Thank GOD" or some such comment. My dad was really bugging my sister the other day(he has a way of getting under your skin, but that's a whole other post) and my sister had had enough...so she stood up, yelled at the top of her lungs w/ her arms in the air, looking towards the heavens "PRAISE JESUS!!" in that huge black preacher accent. Which of course ticked my dad off. She went into her room and shut the door. My dad yelled "WHAT did you just say!?!?" expecting her not to answer. A moment goes by, and then behind the closed door "PRAISE JESUS!!" I cannot explain how funny this is. I guess you'd just have to be there.

This morning I was listing off to my mom the things I was going to tell Heather about H, what we're doing to take care of her etc.....and my mom gets all antsy and says "Did you tell her to water down her formula?!?!?!" I just looked at her..."Mom, I haven't even left the house yet, how could I have told her that??" (my mom stayed the night w/ me because I'm a paranoid freak that can't stay overnight by myself even though I'm 24) She just looked at me "Oh, yea, right, sorry *giggle* *giggle*" Gawd I love my family. :o)

By the way, I get to clean my carpets tonight, YAY!!! My mom is taking Miss H to her house for a while to play with Ping Pong kitty while I shampoo them. I love clean floors.

Surprisingly Chipper!

Well it's a Monday, I had to come back to work, I have loads of chores to do at home, I got little sleep last night and I found out this weekend that we're worse off financially than I thought we were...BUT...I'm surprisingly in a pretty darn good mood. I didn't mind coming to work this morning at all. I was actually happy to see my coworkers. What's wrong with me??!?! LOL I think I'm just glad that H is better and we're back to our normal routine. She woke up at 5:30 this morning and screamed at me because she'd thrown both pacifiers on the floor...I walked into her bedroom to see her standing there bouncing up and down pointing frantically to what I assumed to be a pacifier on the floor...it was pitch dark so I couldn't see, but I felt around and yep there it was. And no this does not make me want to break her of her pacifier habit. The reason why is a whole other post, maybe I'll write it at lunch. Anyway I picked her up and took her back to bed with me, where she slept on my chest for about 15 minutes before rolling around my bed kicking me in the boobs. For some reason my back is now KILLING me, even after Ibuprofin and a heating pad all morning?? Weird. Anyway she was in a very good mood this morning, drank 4 oz. of a watered down bottle in my bed which is an improvement on yesterday. Then she let me get her dressed no fuss and sat there watching Sesame Street while I got ready. Actually she fell asleep on the floor, butt up in the air and everything. Tired girl. When we got to Heather's and I woke her up she saw the red swing in the tree in their front yard and she got really excited...she pointed her fat little finger and said "doise!" or something of that sort, you know one of her made up gibberish words she babbles all the time. Then we got inside and she went right to Heather, then no back to me, then no back to Heather...then she cried when I was leaving which isn't normal, so I told her it's ok, and then she was fine. I could tell she was VERY happy to be there, I think I bored her to death last week. We def. need to get her some outside toys, it was pitiful to see her just sitting there on the bare patio all weekend staring at cars going by.

My friend finally emailed me back...she used to work here, now works at another company that I applied for a job at and didn't get...and I never heard from her again since then, and that was a couple months ago! She has a son 3 months older than H and we've been pretty close, but I thought jeez maybe she was really a shitty person and I didn't know it and now she thinks she's too good to be friends w/ me since I didn't get that job? I'm silly, I know. But she finally emailed me back, said she's been super busy. They bought a house and are remodeling it now(I am jealous of everybody, they all suck, why is this not ME buying a house?!?! GRRR) and she said she misses getting together w/ me...and then asks me if I know of any cheap daycare in town because their new house is closer to town...SO, I kind of feel like the only reason she emailed me back was because I know quite a bit about the daycare situation here. Maybe I'm just being silly again...but I seem to always end up with shitty friends for some reason, so I really feel like maybe she's just using me for info now. Hopefully now, we'll see. I don't have many friends left as it is, I'd like to keep the ones I've got, and I really thought she was a good person.

My cousin also finally messaged me back, said he sent me one last week but his dad's computer sucks balls so he's assuming I didn't get it. That's kind of a whole other post too, we've lost touch over the years...we used to be like best friends, we're the same age and grew up together. I got all reminiscent(or whatever that word is) a few weeks ago and emailed him about missing the old days when we entertained ourselves w/ raking gunk out of the pond in his back yard hunting for crawdads and shooting bottle rockets down into the water to see the smoke bubbles pop to the top. Anyway I thought maybe he didn't like me anymore or something since I know he read it but didn't reply(are we seeing a trend here? I think I need to get some self-confidence or something??) but he finally did. So that made me feel better.

Cleaned out the pantry a little bit last night...ok I'll be honest, I cleaned off one shelf...anyway I realized WOW we are running really low on food. All this crap I bought at Walmart like right before Xmas and Thanksgiving already freaking expired!! I figured out you've gotta watch the Walmarts around here...I've bought expired tuna there before too, and frozen dinners...and those things last for years, so how freaking long did they have them in storage!??! So I need to scrounge up the money to restock the pantry...I HATE being poor. It sucks to not even be able to afford meat. This tax money is not lasting NEAR as long as I thought it would.

Unfortunately D didn't get picked for that job this summer with the Conservation Dept. So he's going to have to look elsewhere for his experience. Hopefully he can find something where he gets paid, because we'll need the money bad this summer...but on the other hand he needs to just find any experience he can regardless of pay because you can't get a job after you graduate in this field around here w/out any experience. So we'll see.

Well I guess I better get back to work. More later...

And Wendy thanks for all the comments, I'll check out your blogs at lunch!!