Thursday, May 31, 2007

I've got a pretty good slice...

I may not be the girl with the most cake, but my life is pretty good. I'm trying not to worry anymore. I'm still on the fence about the job issue, but I have some time to think about it. I'm not going to worry about maybe quitting after the next baby. And I'm not going to worry anymore about the next baby. The minute I start to think about waiting, maybe putting it off 6 months or a year, I start to feel all sad, and I picture the little bundle in my head, and I just really feel like it's just meant to happen. No matter what happens after that, we'll be a family, and we'll have each other, and we'll be so happy! So, no more worrying about that for now. Another great awesome husband...he's been amazing for over a week now! Helping with dishes, helping pick up, did I mention HELPING WITH DISHES?!?! He's been so great. Supportive, not getting pissed off at me when I do things like wake him up in the morning...oh yea, and NOT hounding me for sex! Talk about awesome. Things have just been going great. I am a little stressed about Hailey's birthday party coming up next Saturday, but not overly stressed like I was the last time we were planning it. All I really have to do is buy a few more supplies, get the crap out of the dining room, get the balloons ordered(doing that Monday of next week), sending out the invites this weekend and wrapping her gifts. It sounds like a lot, but I'm doing a bit each day next week, so it'll be ok! And I'm not worrying about my house looking perfect. I'm not perfect. If people don't like it, they can kiss my butt. There are more things in life than a perfect house. Like spending time with my wonderful daughter...she was such a good girl tonight! We ran by my friend's house, where she stood up for herself when my friend's 2 yr. old daughter was taking all of Hailey's things away, yet she also played very nicely(she was so upset when this little girl took her shoes away from her...Hailey LOVES her shoes, I mean LOVES them...all of them...she loves to wear them, and pick out new shoes at the store, and put them on and take them off...she cherishes her shoes...she's definately a girl). We came home and she wandered around playing in her room and the living room, finally deciding on carrying her baby around the house singing "bayo baby" cute...she ate well, as always, only got one noodle on the floor on accident. Ate a plum for dessert...I cannot stress how well her eating is going lately. She hardly ever makes messes anymore. She sits in her little booster on the living room floor, eats her food off her plate, and tells me when she's done. She gets food all over herself, but I don't even have to put down a towel anymore under her booster. It's amazing. We're still not working on using utensils, but I figure we can work on that later. Then she helped me clean herself off(she wipes herself off with baby wipes). Then she watched me use the potty. Last night she watched me sit down, and said "see pee pee!" so I raised up a bit to show her I was peeing. She thinks that's the coolest thing. Then I showed her you have to wipe, and then she said "bye bye pee pee" and she shut the lid for me and flushed the toilet. How cool is that?? Tonight she watched me, flushed and said bye bye, and then we put her little potty lid on the toilet and took off her britches and sat her on it. For a second there I thought she was actually going to go! She was pushing and everything!! I could hear a little toot escape from her trying & pushing!! Then I gave her a piece of toilet paper and she tried to wipe, and then said bye bye pee pee. So potty training may not be too far off I think! After that we watched her Curious Buddies movie while I picked up and organized some of her toys. Then she went to bed at 8:45, no problems at all. It couldn't have been a more perfect night. I came home to a clean kitchen(thanks to my wonderful husband), my daughter was absolutely perfect...I have no complaints!

While I'm on the subject of Hailey...the sitter told me that today she said a sentence of 3 words...she couldn't remember what she said, but she said she did say 3 words in a row. She's talking so much now, I can't even keep up with the word list!! I think it's funny, we figured out when she says "ay" she means yes. If you ask her if she wants something she'll say "ay." She's not really doing her "more" sign anymore...I guess she figures why, when she can talk.

We found out today Preggo at work is having another little girl. I can't wait to see what we'll have next! I honestly don't care either way!!

I'm going to go read in bed and try to get some rest...thank God tomorrow's Friday!

By the way...Hailey rocks the goggle look...


Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I wanna be the girl with the most cake

Well I didn't jump the gun. My boss called me in this morning and told me they are posting AP B's job, and that if I'm interested I just need to send a letter of interest to Administration. I'm really thinking it would be stupid if I didn't would be more money, it's a great opportunity to advance, and I've only been there almost 2 months! If I do end up leaving after I have the next baby, well then so be it. I have to quit thinking about everybody else and start focusing more on our family and what's best for us. It would be stupid for me to pass up a couple years of awesome pay, just because I may quit in the future. Kind of sucks for them, yes, but good for me. It's just a bummer, because I want it all. I want a house, and new cars, and extra money to go shopping, and I want vacations...but I also want to stay home with my kids, and more time with my husband...I want it all. I've always wanted it all, I've always wanted to be rich, ever since I was old enough to understand about money(say about Kindergarden)...ideally, my husband will get a great job, we'll pay off our debts, buy a house, have babies, and life happily ever after. I'm so the meantime, I'm going to apply for this job, continue with the thought that we'll be trying for another baby in December, and just go from there. I just hate all this uncertainty. I'm afraid we may have to put off having another baby, which seems so incredibly unfair. It's something we want so bad, but what if D can't get a good enough job after he graduates for me to quit working? He'd have to make what I make now. Could he do that fresh out of college? Although I don't have a college degree, and he will. SIGH...I guess we'll see what happens.

Everything else I have to write about right now seems so petty compared to all that. And I'm tired...D's allergies are HORRIBLE this year, so he's snoring like mad, so I'm getting no sleep at night.

I know this all sounds negative, but it has been a really good week. I'm just a bit stressed trying to figure out what's best for our family.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


This afternoon we all received an email from my boss. B, the AP lady that everybody but me dislikes, is retiring at the end of June. The thought immediately popped into my head...would they want me to move up to that position? After all, that is what I did at the Hell Hole, and they know that. Apparently people can read my mind, because right away Preggo comes up to me and asks "so are you going to take her place???" I told her I have no idea, that it's a big decision, if they even offered it to me. And at least 3 other people asked me the same thing, including AP B. A million questions and concernes pop into my head when I think about this. Could I handle that job? Could I learn all the little quirks and not screw things up? Do I really WANT to do AP again? Aren't I happy with what I'm doing now? Would it be worth the pay increase? WOULD it be a pay increase? Would I really enjoy the monotony that is that job when that was one of the reasons I got so burnt out at the other place? And then the big questions...but what if we do decide it's best for me to quit working after the second baby is born? Do I really want to do that to this company? I've been wrestling with that for a while now anyway...I love this place, it's cause, the people I work with, everything...and they've told me it took a long time to finally find somebody good for my position. I've been feeling bad, that here I've finally found a place I love, with people I like, that pays incredibly well and here I may be leaving by the end of 2008...and making them start all over again in their search. I've been actually considering not staying home after the 2nd baby is born...which I never would have considered before. So if they do offer me this job, what if I retrain for this new position, and believe me AP is a LOT to learn w/ all the little quirks of all the different vendors etc...and then they'd have to retrain someone for my current position...and then what if I DO decide to stay home after the second baby is born...they'd have to retrain all over again for the AP job. I already didn't know what I was going to do about the whole job situation, and now this just throws a whole new batch of what-ifs to worry about into the mix. I'm jumping the gun here...they haven't said a word to me about the job yet...well no one that matters has anyway. K, the lady I replaced, had me give her my home phone # today...after all this I'm not sure if she wants to talk to me or what. She's so nice, we get along great. She's actually the wife of my FIL's best friend. So I guess we'll see what she has to say? The money would help tremendously...but I care enough about this company to really think about this whole situation. Again, I'm probably jumping the gun. I just hate not knowing. I wish I knew for sure that D would have a good enough job after he graduates for me to stay home after this next baby is born. I wish I knew how it would all work out. I hate not knowing. But we don't. Ideally, I guess we really should wait to try for the next baby until D graduates and has a better job, so we know where we stand with everything. And who knows, maybe December will come and something will change, and we'll decide to wait. But for now, that's our plan, and we're just having faith that everything else will fall into place. Everything will work out, no matter what's just a matter of what path are we going to take...and I hate not knowing. I know part of my sureness comes from D's reassurance. He's not one to just do things on a whim. He takes decisions like this very seriously. And not a single obstical I've come up with has deterred him from wanting this baby. He says everything will work out. His sureness makes me even more sure that this is a good decision, this is the right thing to do. Things are finally looking up for us, everything's finally going well. Everything's falling into I have faith...everything's going to be ok!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Happy Memorial Day

Years ago when my grandma and cousin were still alive we would have been getting everything ready to meet at the church where I got married to have our annual Memorial Day picnic w/ the family. We'd eat and then my cousin would lead us younger ones off on some adventure through the woods to play in the creek(it's a really pretty area), and then we'd put tons of flowers on all the graves...of our family and of the people who didn't have any family left. One year my cousin found a little lizard that I carried around until we left. We've got a lot of good memories out there.

Ok now the weight issue...really, I'm complaining about my size...I've always been small, from the day I was born. Always the smallest kid in my grade in school, til I got to highschool. My senior year I weighed 98 lbs. I just have a high metabolism I guess. I don't snack a lot. I eat breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner and something sweet for dessert. I don't deprive myself of sweets, I love ice cream and cereal and I do eat some candy at work. But the older Hailey gets the more weight I lose. She is a pistol. I have to entertain her constantly(which isn't the case for other people--for them she plays nicely by herself--and now that she's walking, she runs everywhere. Right now she's walking down the front hallway waving her plastic spoons at me saying "mmm!" She keeps coming back over to attack the computer with her bananaey hands. And she's been stomping on the poor kitty all morning. She's a handful. So the weight just keeps dropping off. And this is a problem. In highschool it's fine to be this size. They make kids clothes in that size. They don't make a whole lot of clothes for women in my size around here. Work clothes, like nice work clothes, are almost impossible to find. Thank God this new office is more casual(like I can even wear flip flops!)...and the other problem is, I can't get any lower than I already am, and I keep having to buy new clothes. My size 2 jeans are bagging off my butt...but I refuse to go buy new jeans. It's really frustrating. I have 2's, 4's, and 6's now. At least I'll be well-prepared for the next baby! I have to wonder though if I'll get as big as I did when I was pregnant with Hailey, since now I'll be taking care of her as well and not going home every night and sleeping. I guess we'll see! I don't know if I posted already about this, but I did tell my mother in law that we'll be trying again and she was actually very excited. So that went well.

Ok I have to cut this short, Hailey's bringing me her shoes...this is the sign that she wants to go outside. She's getting remarkably good at picking out matching shoes!

Ashley--that shirt is relatively new, I actually got it at Penney's a while back on sale. :o)

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Thank You!

Well Hailey learned to say thank you today. It comes out something like "tant oo!" Good thing, because man has she ever been a pistol this weekend. Tantrums, defiance, "no!"'s been rough so far. I took Friday afternoon off because I had my lovely annual girly exam, and Hailey thought that was pretty interesting. She was really good there, but then it all went downhill. For the first time ever I had to just box up my meal at a restaurant and we left when D was done eating. This whole running around thing is difficult...because she wants to run everywhere, away from us.

On to some cute things about the squirt. Tonight I asked her where her paci was. She bent down and lifted up the pillow on the floor to look underneath. And then her Ark toy, and then her book, and then her easter basket. It was too cute. She also had her first Farmer's Market experience today. She had a lot of fun, and charmed one lady out of a cut daisy and a guy out of a really pretty plant. She had her first oatmeal cookie from a local bakery...they're a yearly Farmer's Market tradition for me, so that was really special. She loved it. And apparently she loves this rosemary herb focacia!! (sp??) She's so funny.

Well I went shopping for a couple hours today with my mom after she got off work, since none of my clothes are fitting me yet again. I found a really cute pair of khaki capris at AE, in freaking size wonder my 2's have been bagging off my butt like I dumped in my pants. A freaking size 0...seriously...I haven't been in a 0 since my senior year of highschool. This is getting insane. I also found 6 cute shirts and I bought myself a really comfy cute bra, which I totally deserve (at 25$) because I normally wear 7$ Walmart bras(which I actually love)... And I only spent like 150$ on all that. Talk about awesome bargains.

I'll end this short & sweet post with a few pictures...

I know you can barely see her here, but this pic is funny...she was sticking her face above the shute to her ball popper, letting the air blow in her face and her hair was going crazy...

This one is her crazy long hair in the bathtub!


And this is one from today at the Farmer's Market(which we went to with my mother in law, and it was really fun, we had a blast...Hailey danced to the guy playing the guitar and singing)


Friday, May 25, 2007

Can we say "pap smear?"

Today was the dreaded 1 yr. girly appointment. Sitting at my work desk this morning I suddenly had the wonderful thought that it might be fun to go pick up my squirt and take the rest of the day off! And just like that, I did. Have I mentioned my new job is absolutely awesome?? Yea. Anyway Hailey was an angel at the appointment. She sat on my belly during the exam. During the upper body part she pushed on my belly with the dr. and lifted up her shirt to show HER belly button. Then came the dreaded lower body exam, and of course my little snoop was trying to turn around and peek over the sheet to see what on earth was going on down there. What does my dr. say? "Can we say Pap Smear?" and then she giggled. Oh great I thought, that's going to be my daughter's new word for the day. So far it seems we've escaped that danger...she's just been a complete and udder stinker all day, telling everybody and everything "no!" while shaking her fat little finger. Anyway, I found out today that I've lost another 2 pounds since Tuesday...what gives?????? I'm down to 108. Ok I'm thinking I was 113 when I got pregnant, that's 5 lbs less than my pre-preg. weight. I sit on my butt about 2/3 of the day at work. Is running after a toddler really that much work? Goodness. I'm still eating like a pig...candy and soda all day at work, my usual bowl of ice cream after I eat my frozen dinner for lunch...afternoon snacks...dinner, and most days cereal for dessert. I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong. I'm only 5'2", 108 doesn't look bad on me. I feel great (except for lack of bustiness from bfeeding and the dreaded stretch marks). I just don't get it. Oh well. Hopefully it'll slow down and stop.

D and Hailey and I decided to go to lunch today. This was the first time ever eating out with Hailey that she was OH.SO.BAD! I have no idea what got into her. She refused to sit in the highchair. Wanted to eat nothing but cucumber dipped in gobs of ranch dressing or ketchup with her fingers...wanted to crawl on the table, yelled at everybody around us...when a big group of people started laughing, she breaks out in this big fake laugh, mocking them. I know the people around us had to be so annoyed. It was an odd time so there weren't many people there, it was nice and quiet. Except for the stinker. I actually had to just box up my meal and bring it home. When we got home I stuck her in her crib and she fell right to sleep. She'd had a good nap this morning, but I guess she was still tired. She's STILL ASLEEP. It's been 3 hours! I'm thinking about going to wake her up. I got a good 2 hour nap in myself, so that was nice. I was going to run by the mall and get a few new summer shirts and hopefully a pair of khaki capris to wear to work, but I guess that'll have to wait til tomorrow. D's parents are coming over to watch Hailey so we can go to an 8:00 movie with A and T, D's 2 friends. I'm already having anxiety about leaving H...we just don't really ever have people watch her, and if we do it's my mom, and I don't worry about Hailey at all when she's with her. But I just don't like leaving her with anybody else, well besides the sitter. Is it bad when you'd prefer your mom or the sitter to watch your baby than your in-laws? Not that they won't take good care of her, but they just do things a little different and they don't know her that well because they hardly ever come around, so they aren't going to have a clue when she's tired(she's not obvious about it at all) or hungry or anything. And they wear their shoes in our house and aren't big on hand washing! So it kind of drives me nuts to leave her with them. I'm hoping she'll still be awake when we get home, so I can put her to bed...since she's taking such a long/late nap. SIGH...anyway we're seeing the 3rd Pirates movie. I didn't get the 2nd one, but it'll be nice to go to a movie for a change.

Gotta go wake up the squirt...hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

I just want someone to say to me, I'll always be there when you wake...I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today, so stay with me and I'll have it made...

The last 30 minutes of work today were awesome. I'm talking to the Director of my dept., which I never really have before, and I find out that she lives in a little town about 20 minutes from here that my OLD boss lives in. I mean the boss I had before I got the shitty boss, the lady I loved that was so nice and I'd babysit her kids every now and then. That one. Anyway, it turns out she does know her, and she was updating me on how she was doing these days etc., and it turns out she knows a few other people I know, which is really neat. So the conversation is going really well. Then I mention that my exboss(the shitty one...are you following??) had hired a couple people she knew from her town and even THEY left because she was such a crappy boss. "What's your ex-boss's name?" she asks. I tell her. She says "Oh REAlly"...uh oh...I said "Oh no, you know her? Guess I need to stop trash talking her then!" And what does she say? You're not going to believe this...she says that ex-bosses family are all like her, think they know everything and you can't tell them anything. WTF!! How awesome is that. She said she used to work at the bank in my ex-boss's town, and that her family were always coming in saying the bank screwed something up. She said it was always their fault, never the banks, but they'd never listen. So one time they say that they have a relative that's a CPA and they're going to send her in. Director lady thinks to herself, yes finally someone who will understand what I'm saying. So they sent my ex-boss in, and of course she denies everything Director Lady says and basically calls her a liar! HELLO, sound familiar here people? Director Lady said she LOATHED when she'd see ex-boss come in the doors! I told Director Lady, "Ok so you know what I've been dealing with the past 4 years!!" She completely understood. How awesome is that?!?! Director Lady, the person I really need to impress, completely understands the misery that was my old job. And she knows a ton of the awesome people I used to work with that ex-boss ran off. I just thought that was all really cool, I mean who knew you know? It just goes to show, you never know who knows who!

In other news, hubby is being a complete sweetey lately. He's being a good boy, working full time, being a sweetey when he's here, making plans for us for this weekend, telling me he misses me on the phone during the day(seriously is he trying to get some or something?? There has to be a motive!) Things have just been going really well, even with how he's handling my stress. Our whole relationship we've really had one issue...and that's the fact that when I'm upset, if he doesn't see the reason why, well then there's no reason to be upset. Because he's not upset. So no one should be. And 99% of the time, I just need someone to tell me "It's going to be alright, don't worry!!" I've NEVER had someone like that. When I was little, I'd get horribly upset about something and run in my room and lay on my bed and cry...just waiting for my mom to come in and hold me and have the heart to heart like you see on those cheesy sitcomes like Full House, and just tell me everything's ok. Do you know how many times she came in my room and did that?? A big fat zero. Not once. I asked her about it when I was older. She told me she just figured I needed my space to be upset and she'd just let me work it out myself. Love my mom, but we are obviously different in a lot of ways. So I've begged my husband to be that person that will hold me and tell me it'll be ok. The other night, I realize all of a sudden that CRAP, if we have another baby we have nowhere to put it. We've only got 2 bedrooms. I started to panic, started to get upset. I didn't want to bring it up, I knew what he'd say...that we needed to wait until we had room, had a bigger house. That's not what I wanted to hear. But I mentioned it, and his answer shocked me. "It's ok, don't worry. We'll just move." Just like that. So simple. We'll move. So guess what. I'm not stressed about it. I'm casually looking, and it's a big task, but I'm not stressed about it! I went to sleep in peace, we're still trying in December, all is right with the world! I have the most wonderful husband ever.

Well I guess I have to update on my test results. They called me today and left a message. From what I could hear through the crackling phone line(cell phones suck booty) the test results were normal. So I guess I'll go to my appt. Tuesday, and we'll go from there. One things for sure, I need something to get rid of these damn headaches. Every single day I get one. It's hard to push through them. Sometimes I can't. I have a bad one coming on now...and a sink full of dirty dishes, a dishwasher full of clean ones, the trash needs to be taken out...SIGH...luckily my wonderful husband said he'd take care of all that when he got home from work, and I took advantage of my mom being here last night and picked up a lot of the house and vacuumed. So it's not that bad. And I'm trying not to stress about it...I'm really trying to stick to the whole "more me time" thing now. So far I'm loving it.

I ate lunch with my sister and her boyfriend(who is now back from Iraq, thank God) today. Didn't stuff myself(pat on the back) and we had a good time...except for my insane father(no really, I mean he's even on disability because they don't think he's fit to be in the workplace) calling because he wanted an answer NOW from my sister about this stupid issue that they really needed time to think about. And he got pissed at me because he could "hear me in the background, I'm not deaf, and you all may be getting older but I'm almost 50 and I could kick your butts"...lovely huh. And for the record, all I said was "tell him we're eating and you'll call him back later." Anyway, it as kind of bittersweet...I'm really glad A is back, but at the same time...he's different. War sucks, I mean it's really horrible. People killing people, scarring the ones that survive for life. Even little things are hard for him now, like being in crowds, or manners...he's lost all manners, being over there that was not something he worried about of course. He burped really loud in the restaurant and he did say excuse me, but I mean it was deliberate. He was never like that before. And he's just not the happy goofy person he was before. He just sat and watched TV and ate like he'd never eaten before. It's just so sad.

I'll end this with a cute Hailey story, because you know I can't go a whole post without bragging about how darn stinkin cute she is. Last night my mom came over because she has to work the next few days and wanted to get her dose of Hailey in to tide her over. She was holding her over by the dishwasher and D and I were in the living room. He was getting ready to leave for work, so he gave me a hug. Hailey saw us, and she kicked her legs and pointed really hard and said "uh!!! MINE!" She was so mad. My mom brought her to us, and she clung to me like a little monkey. She's so selfish with me! She doesn't want anyone else to show me affection, I'm all hers. Makes me feel so special!

And yet another word added to her list...tree. My in-laws gave her a little stuffed palm tree from FL. She carried it around, declaring "my tree." Which sounds like "my tee" cute.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


Well I just looked up's a freaking anti-depressant, I remember seeing that on TV now. Why on earth does she think I need that? There's nothing wrong if you do need it, but I don't. I'm not taking a medication I don't need, because it's not going to help me with my problem. I'm not depressed, I don't have anxiety, I just have freaking pain for no reason that I can't deal with anymore. I guess I'll have to wait and see what she says at my next appointment.

The word for the day is "apple"

Add another word to Hailey's We went to our friend's house tonight, the S's, for dinner. Of course everyone loved Hailey, as always. And she LOVES it at their house. She runs all over the place, around and around the fire place b/t the kitchen and living room. And they always have apples for her to play with in this big bowl on the huge island they have. Tonight she decided to carry it all around the house, and held it up to use and said "apple." Just like that. How neat is that? How do they pick up on words so quickly?? It just amazes me. At dinner the steam was rolling off the hot spaghetti sauce, and she said "hot, hot" and blew. And then she spent a good few minutes or so trying to wink at everyone. It was too cute. She didn't want to leave. And then on the drive down their long driveway, my mom and I were discussing the Killdeer birds that run all over the place along their driveway, and the neatest thing happened. We saw a baby Killdeer! These birds are ALWAYS ALWAYS on their driveway, every single time we go out there. And tonight we saw our first baby! He was so cute and gangly looking, with those long legs.
I've started keeping a daily log of cute things Hailey does, interesting things about her that day I think I would want to remember, or new things she learns etc. I'm going to buy a 3 ring binder and some page protectors and start saving things(because they just don't fit in her baby book) and keep a daily journal of her life. It took me over a year to get organized enough to do this, but better late than never I guess. I'm really excited!! It's going to be a mix of a keepsake book, journal and scrap book. I've finally caught up enough on the housework to feel like I can spend extra time doing things like that here and there. Last night I did a load and a half of laundry after Hailey went to bed at 7:30, but other than that I just laid on the couch watching TV...Can you believe it???? I used to LOVE having a lazy night here and there before I had Hailey. And what's more, I even fell asleep on the couch for about 30 minutes!! It was amazing. I used to come home from work at night, eat dinner, curl up on the couch and fall asleep til bedtime. It was marvelous. I do miss that. That was pre-Hailey of course. Now that she's older I'm trying to start making time for myself again. Wait, and we're having another baby in a year?? Are we nuts?? It's worth it for them...

Ok, now onto the cruddy stuff...I had a dr. appt. today, finally. I put it off for years, but the aches and pains in my joints and muscles have gotten almost unbearable on some days. To where it's hard to pick up Hailey, drive, work, do anything. My mom was thinking I have fibromyalgia. My aunt has it, and my grandma had it. But I don't have the classic painful pressure points you get with that. The dr. didn't seem to think I had that, even though I have all the other symptoms. They're doing blood work, but she thinks I have rheumatoid arthritis (sp??) Lovely huh. I swear I got all the bad things from both sides of the family. My grandma had r. arthritis as well. I just want to feel better. I don't want it to get any worse. She talked about putting me on Cimbalta (sp??) I've seen it on TV, but I don't know what it's for or anything. WebMD here I come... the results should be in Friday, and I have a repeat visit with her on Tuesday to talk about the test results. If it's negative she wants to put me on the Cimbalta. If it's positive, well I don't know that much about the disease either... guess I should look that up while I'm at it...

Sunday, May 20, 2007

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain...I like watchin the puddles gather rain...

My life is just too busy. Sometimes I handle it wonderfully, and feel awesome running all my errands...sometimes it makes me feel very accomplished and happy! Right now is a bit of a low time. Not bottom of the barrel low, where I'm crying about having no friends(I do have friends) and how we have no money(we're really mostly ok) and how I look disgusting to myself(I do have positives)'s just one of those times in my life where I'm a bit worn out, a bit tired of my hectic life, a bit tired of EVERYTHING being on my shoulders...a bit tired of never having any down time. I love the simple life. I love slow lazy days, enjoying the weather and having fun with family and friends. Lately I haven't had any days like that. My husband is constantly gone or sleeping, because he LOVES being busy. Now that school's out and he doesn't have to deal with Coach anymore, he's loving playing in tournaments for the city. Golf is fun again. YAY. I have not gotten to sleep in for SO long. Except for a little bit on Mother's Day, but I had a horrible backache all night that night so I couldn't really sleep anyway. I think lack of sleep is a big part of why I'm feeling cruddy. Last night I begged D to go to the couch. He's got horrible allergies and he's coughing up a storm some of the time. Last night was one of those times and he was keeping me awake. Midnight I finally broke down and asked him to go to the couch. He politely and oh so lovingly said something along the lines of "Kiss my ass" and went to the couch. I fell asleep. It was wonderful. And then Hailey woke up at 7:30 this morning and D had to go to his tournament. And I had SO MANY errands to run today and Hailey was a pistol all now I've got this horrible pounding headache behind my nose and eyes. And I'm just really starting to think that I need to slow down. But how can I when there's so much that needs to be done?? Laundry, house cleaning, errands...when I take a few days off to rest and recoup, all that stuff piles up. I wish I had one of those husbands that helped, but I just don't and there's no changing that. I was never this busy until I got older. I grew up being home every evening, most of the weekend. Every Sunday we'd drive North to a little town 30 minutes away and have Sunday dinner with my grandma. I miss that horribly. I miss being home and just enjoying my life. I could slow down. I could pick certain days of the week to do certain things, and then schedule days each week for downtime. But D isn't like that. He HATES to be home(not because of us, just because he likes to be on the go...preferably WITH us). He wants to constantly be busy. Part of his A.D.D. I guess. Who knows. It's just hard...we're so alike, yet we're not. I could go on and on about this, but I won't. There's nothing that can be done about it. We're a family, but at the same time Hailey and I do our thing and he does his, with some family time in between(not just sitting at home though!). I just miss the good ol' days, when things were simpler. When life wasn't so fast paced and rushed. I'm really going to try to figure out a way to get back to that, at least somewhat. I may have to work harder at first, getting everything caught up, getting this place in complete order, getting finances caught up etc. But I'll get there eventually. I want my kids to grow up like I did, appreciating the simple things in life, and I want them to be well-rested and happy. Not tired and stressed. I want them to appreciate the leaves changing color in the fall, picking out mums, the feel of the cool air as they ride their bikes...making snowmen and sledding in the winter, then coming inside and drinking hot chocolate all bundled up in front of the TV to some Christmas special...the newness of Spring, all the flowers and trees blooming, a bird flying overhead in the sunshine, picking out flowers to plant...running through sprinklers in the summer, eating popcicles on the front porch, taking afternoon naps in the cool air conditioning or laying around in the cool grass of a big shade tree, running around outside during a nice summer rainfall and stomping through puddles. Growing up as a kid I appreciated all these things, and more...the world was amazing, everything was new and beautiful and I didn't have to have complicated toys or video games or endless sports events to love my life and have fun every day. Every Saturday night my mom and I curled up on the couch and watched Saturday Night Live together...back in the days of Will Ferril, Cheri Oteri, Kris Katan and Adam Sandler...and then I would watch Tales from the Crypt after my mom fell asleep, snoozing away with her mouth hanging open(giggle)...that was fun, that was life. I want Hailey and all the other kids I have to have special things like that too. Right now it's just too hectic. Right now it's not like I want it to be. D not being here honestly doesn't really bother me that much, although I do miss him sometimes. I grew up with just my mom, and it doesn't seem odd at all to me for D to not be around a whole lot. Would I love it if he were? Sure. And maybe that's the way it will be after he gets done with school. But the real issue here, is everything else that I've talked about. I want that slow routine back, I want those traditions. I want to give my kids a good life. By the end of this year I'll have things sorted out. I'll have everything in order before we start trying for another baby.

Ok cut to an entirely different topic...the gabbiness of Hailey. Two new words this weekend. "Nanuh" for banana and the dreaded "NO!" Which she says while shaking her fat little finger "Nu Nu Nu!!" At the cat for sitting in her spot in front of the sliding glass door "Nu nu nu, MINE!" or at me for doing something she didn't want me to do ???? And the "mine" issue has gotten out of control. Everything is hers. EVERYTHING. How do I handle that? Nothing that I do is helping. I have no idea where she learned it. Not from us, and not at the sitter's. Apparently she takes toys away from the other kids and yells at them "mine!" We did not teach her that. I did teach her no, but all I tried to teach her was to tell the kitty no when she's outside eating grass (which she comes inside and pukes up, ew) or when she's clawing the carpet...and she caught on quick, she chases the kitty telling her no...but she went beyond that, and learned the whole sense of the word "no." She's too dang smart. How are they this smart at such a young age?? And she's also learned how to get me to go somewhere she wants me to go. She tugs on my shoulders, til I move or stand up or whatnot, and then points. She's always pointed. But this shoulder tugging, as if she's really trying to move me, is a new thing. It's very cute. She'll walk up to me sitting on the floor, grab my shoulders and pull. She's strong. She can push a full grocery cart, or her stroller packed with purses and bags. So she's very forcefull with this shoulder tugging. Speaking of her stroller...her new favorite way to ride it (standing up backwards in the seat is SO yesterday) is standing on the little bar between the back wheels and hanging on to the sides of the handle. Remember standing on the back of the grocery cart and hanging onto the handle as a kid? Yea, like that. She thinks it's TONS of fun, and usually exclaims "weee!!" And I really don't least this way I don't have to worry about her climbing out of the stroller and hurting herself or something, and there's more room for things like my purse and bags of stuff. Also, while I'm on the topic of Hailey. We bought her first "Little Swimmers" today, or whatever the Pampers brand is called. They look a lot like Pull Ups. So cute! We also got her swimsuit and some water shoes to keep at the sitter's so they can run through the sprinkler this summer. How grown up is that? When did my baby turn into a kid? Cheerios in her carseat(and my car, and my purse etc), juiceboxes on the ride home, ordering milk at restaurants and her drinking it from those big kid cups with the straw...her running everywhere, back-talking me... on one hand it seems like it happened overnight, and on the other hand this last year lasted FOREVER. One thing's for sure, I'm loving every minute of it!

By the way, this new book I'm reading(see sidebar) is really good. (Yet another thing I'm doing to try to get my life back on track...I used to read a LOT, and I love it!)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

When I wake with the sunrise, I want more than just blue skies, I want more than just ok...

So things at the new job are interesting. There are 2 people in our group of 15 that apparently almost no one likes. One is the AP clerk, which I have complete and total sympathy for, after all I used to be an AP clerk and I know what a huge and sucky job it is. Everyone warned me of her when I started. Look out for B, she's mean and she may bite your head off for no reason. Surprise surprise...I've had NO problems with her. She loves me and thinks I'm so sweet and helpful. Because damnit I AM. The other girl(I guess I should say woman) is in kind of an interesting situation, and I really feel that she was unfairly judged and is disliked for the wrong reasons. As it turns out (and I learn more and more pieces of this "soap opera" every day) my boss used to be the head Accountant. When the Assistant Director left, my boss was promoted to that position. Instead of moving the next Accountant in line (there are three total) up to his position, he hired from outside. And it just so happens that the person he hired was his best friend's wife, who doesn't have a WHOLE lot of experience. She makes $60,000.00 a year. Come on! That's NUTS. And I just found out today, she's the boss of "AP B" and the other 2 accountants. Apparently, these are the reasons nobody likes her. They came straight out and said to me, "we don't like H." I thought they were joking at first. Not joking. They say she says "I'm important" and feels she's 3rd in line under the Assistant Director and Director. Ok, big deal. She's a really nice woman. She has a son a month older than Hailey, little H, that is adorable. She talks about her husband some, who she's obviously head over heels in love with. She likes to talk with me about our kids, or clothes or just anything. What's the problem?? I don't see why people don't like her. It's not her fault she got very lucky and had an inside route to an awesome paying job, right?? I say yay for her! I really do like all the people I work with, and that is no exaggeration. I really do. But it irritates me a bit how they sort of pick on these two women. And they all swear they love me and would never talk bad about me etc...but how on earth do I believe them when they're constantly bad-mouthing these other two? H has only been there 5 months now, so she's the other newbie besides me. I understand how she feels, it's hard to start off somewhere new, feel your place out, get people to like you. I don't even know where this post is going...basically it's just hard, because I want the big group to like me, so I have to listen to them talk bad about these other two...although I have told them that I'll be the judge myself of who I like and don't like, and they respect that totally(they are really good people)...I guess I'm just kind of in a hard spot. AP B knows everyone doesn't like her, and she knows they bitch about her to me, so hopefully she sees that I'm genuinely nice to her despite what the others say(I think she does see that in me)...but poor H doesn't have a clue what they think of her yet. I just feel so bad for her. Like today for example. I went into her office to take her her mail and she was crying...her sitter had called and said little H was screaming(keep in mind he's a 14 month old boy!)...and she said since he's not walking(he's crawling everywhere like crazy!!) and he's still eating baby food and he prefers to drink from a bottle, and now he screams randomly, she thinks something is wrong with him physically. !!! What the hell?? Who does that?? Who calls a mom at work and tells her "I think there's something wrong with your kid physically(developmentally)"????? So it upset her. She felt like a bad mom, and felt like God is there something wrong with my kid? I told her she needs to get him out of that place. Apparently they put her through crap like that all the time. She's going to check out Hailey's sitter. she took off at noon to go get him. What mom wouldn't? She ran out to rescue her little boy. I would do the same thing. Well after she left, J comes up to me and comments that she left..."she's sick all the time" she says. That's odd because the whole month + that I've been there she's never left sick... I told her why she left, and what does she say? "Well there could be something wrong with him." And then she left for lunch. ?? It's just so weird. And they judge people from the outside that come into the office too. It's just weird. I'm just not like that. It's a little hard for me to get used to. I'd have to say this is the ONLY thing I don't like about my new job.

By the way, Hailey's got adenoiditis or something like that...she's sick AGAIN. I feel so bad for her. She was doing so well too. Her throat is red/spotty(and no it's not strep) and she's got a fever. That's it. And she's fussy. You can tell her throat hurts, she's just so fussy. My poor baby. So if D can't handle her for the whole day tomorrow I'll have to stay home with her. Which I don't mind of course, but I'm afraid work will get irritated. But D just has no clue what to do with her these days. Honestly it makes me nervous to leave her home with him all day. Not that I don't think she'd survive the day of course, but just because I know he wouldn't feed her when she was hungry because he wouldn't understand when she points at her seat or the cabinet that she's hungry...he doesn't know what little of a routine/schedule that she has. She's not comforted by him when she doesn't feel well because she's not used to him anymore. What if she starts crying and won't stop? Will he remember to give her her medicine on time? He's a great dad, don't get me wrong. He just doesn't know her anymore. It'll take a little bit for him to get re-acquainted with her. And honestly, I've always felt odd leaving her with him. I grew up in a single-parent household. I'm used to the mom doing EVERYTHING. And that's how it is here. I do everything. Aside from a few mornings(which hasn't happened in a LONG time because of tournaments) that he gets up with her for a few hours and feeds her breakfast so I can sleep on a weekend day I do it all. Sometimes my mom helps. But most of the time it's just me. I love it, but it's hard when I need someone elses's help, like D. Nobody knows her like I do, except maybe my mom and the sitter. I really feel more comfortable leaving her at the sitter's than with D all day. Growing up without a dad did kind of scar me. The whole "dad" notion is just so foreign to me. I don't want Hailey to grow up like that too.

Well she's napping, and I'm tired so I'm going to try to lay down. Which means she'll wake up about 15 minutes after I fall asleep. And D's napping of course, because apparently he needs WAY more sleep than I do. SIGH :o)

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

So much to tell...

I go through my days and little things will happen that I think to myself "I have to blog about this"....and then I forget what I needed to write! WHY can't I just remember things? Do you know how frustrating that is?? SIGH So I guess I'll just start off with Hailey as usual...

Hailey likes to brush my hair. I find this incredibly cute and it reminds me of myself as a little girl. Also, starting Mother's Day, she's running everywhere now. And she loves to carry things. Up and down the hallways, into the kitchen, everywhere, always carrying something. Even something heavy. She's a strong girl.
Sunday as I was getting ready for the day Hailey was sitting in the living room eating some Cheerios. I heard her talking, so I crept into the dining room and peeked over the banister that separates the 2 rooms. She was sitting there reading a book. She was rattling off made up words, but sounded like she was really reading. It was SO.INCREDIBLY.CUTE! She read the "green" page, where everything is green. Then she growled like the dinosaur on the page, pointed at the bird and said "bird" and right before she turned the page she waved and said "bye." How cute is that? She's too adorable for words, I just can't stand it.
Last night my mom went out to eat with Hailey and D and I. We went to a pizza place. Hailey was sitting nicely in her high chair eating a glob of cinnamon roll I gave her. I told D to break a piece off for her or something like that, to make it easier for her to eat. He grabbed her hand and shook it, making the cinnamon roll plop on her plate. You should have seen the look on her face. It made me want to cry. She looked so hurt, and confused and upset. She hadn't done anything wrong, was sitting there enjoying her yummy roll when daddy made her drop it like she'd done something bad. He didn't get it. What had he done wrong?? It's sad, but he really just doesn't know her anymore since he's been gone so much. Hailey turned slowly towards me, her face growing red, tears forming in her eyes, her lip puckering. I snatched her up, food on her shirt and all, and hugged her really tight and told her she was a good girl and didn't do anything wrong. I tried to give her more cinnamon roll. She wouldn't take it. Talk about breaking my heart. I told him he's really going to have to be careful what he does and says around her and how he says things to her and reacts to things. She's a toddler now, not a little unaware baby. He's done with school and golf now, so he'll be able to get re-acquainted with her. But talk about a bad start. Gosh I'm getting all choked up just thinking about it. She was fine though, after that she walked all around the restaurant for a good 15 to 20 minutes. She had a great rest of the night.

And now for the exciting news...D and I have been talking lately, and we've decided that we're going to start trying for another baby this December. It will be perfect timing. We're really really excited!! That would but us due about Sept. next year at the earliest, so he would be done with school and have plenty of time to find a job before the baby's born. I can't wait. I could be pregnant in less than a year!! So stinking excited. And Hailey will be at least 2 and 1/2 by then so she'll understand what's going on. I couldn't wait to share!! I even have a boy and a girl name picked out already, which may change in the future...but it's my turn to pick the first name this time, and D's already approved the names I picked!(I approved Hailey's name)

Anyway, mom's here with some food, better eat while Hailey's napping so I don't get attacked...

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Happy Mother's Day!!

To all the mom's out there, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Adding two more words to Hailey's list..."keys" and "up." I don't know if I've added "hot" yet but she says that too and knows what it means...she'll point to the stove and say "hot!" Or when she gets in her carseat on a warm day she touches it and says "hot!"

Hailey got me a windchime for our back porch for Mother's Day. Apparently she really did pick it out. She loves it, and of course I do too!

Hope everyone has a great Mother's Day!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Tag, you're it!

Alright, so I've been tagged by Kristin...and since my mom has promised to get up with the squirt tomorrow as part of my Mother's Day gift (she's staying with me tonight since D's out of town...I was here by myself last night and didn't get to sleep til almost midnight and Hailey woke up at 6:00 this morning!!) I don't have to rush off to bed this evening and have time to do this.

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1) Sarah
2) Elizasmom
3) A Lifetime
4) The Life & Times of a First Time Stay at Home Mom
5) Life as we know it...

Next select five people to tag: (if you haven’t done it already & if you don't want to, it's cool)--ok I'm just tagging a couple people, a lot of people that read my blog I think have already been tagged...
1) Prince Vince Meets the World
2) WeSnLaNi
3) go normal girl

What were you doing 10 years ago?
10 years ago I was 14. I was getting ready to move to Salina, KS, and was very very unhappy about it. And scared.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Trying to adjust to being a mom. Crying a lot. I was in a lot of pain so I couldn't do a whole lot. I was extremely sleep deprived. I was also very upset and trying to figure out whether or not I should put Hailey on formula and quit breastfeeding.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1). A bowl of cereal
2). hm....this is a hard one for me. I don't really snack...anything that sounds good I guess!
3). fruit

Five songs that you know all the lyrics:
1). Heart Shaped Box - Nirvana(ok basically all the Nirvana songs)
2). Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
3). Addicted to Love - Robert Palmer
4). Redneck Woman - Gretchen Wilson
5). No Excuses - Alice In Chains ... And MANY MANY more!

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1). Pay off all of our debt, including my mom's!
2). Buy an awesome house with awesome stuff to furnish it with, and buy my mom an awesome house as well! (and hire housekeepers to go along with our new houses!)
3). Go clothes shopping!!
4). Give my family some money
5). Put the rest in savings to rack up interest!

Five bad habits:
1). Stuffing myself when I eat...eating because I'm craving something, not because I'm still hungry
2). Not getting enough sleep
3). Not taking as good of care of myself as I should
4). Not drinking enough water
5). Getting frustrated with my husband

Five things you like doing: (Besides spending time with my daughter)
1). Sleeping!!
2). Hanging out with my mom or my husband
3). Taking walks or biking on the trail if it's not too hot
4). Reading
5). Camping/Fishing/Going to the Lake

Five things you would never wear again:
1). A miniskirt or really short shorts in public
2). Baggy jeans
3). My Curt Kobain/Nirvana TShirts in public
4). Skater shoes
5). Ok all that stuff's from my much younger teen days...there really isn't anything else that I've worn in my adult years that I wouldn't wear again...I'm very modest and I don't go too trendy so my clothes are pretty much timeless...

Five favorite toys:

1). Um....I guess my computer
2). My camera
3). The TV
4). The touch lamp beside my bed
5). Ummm, that's it

Friday, May 11, 2007

I, too, have become the beerman

Hailey has never been one to drink juice. She's never liked it. We've tried all kinds, but they were all no go's. But apparently we didn't think of trying juice in an AWESOME package such as a box with a straw (AKA, the juicebox) that, well that right there makes juice the best tasting stuff in the WORLD!! And now that Hailey has discovered the amazing and wonderful "juicebox," I have joined Erin over at MO Mommy...I, too, have become the juice dispensing "beer man." She refuses to get in her car seat unless I produce a wonderfully delicious, thirst quenching, refreshing juice box. 4 oz. a day of juice? Sorry doc. Not gonna fly.

My little girl has also started having a sense of self. Tonight my mom was trying to help her get the straw to the juice box in her mouth. She can do this herself. And she let my mom know, by jerking the juice box away, patting herself in the chest a couple times with her hand and proclaiming loudly and forcefully "MINE!" It came out of nowhere, caught us off guard, and made us laugh til we couldn't breathe.

Last night Hailey tried to break out of this joint. She was bound and determined. She reached for the handle on the sliding glass door...too short...she pried her little fingers between the screen door and the door jam, and tugged and tugged. I'm gonna have to watch her really close, she's gonna be one of those kids that I found outside by herself if I'm not careful. Tonight instead of trying to break out, she very nicely cleaned the metal slide that the door sits on. With about 5 baby wipes she pulled out of the container. She actually wiped the door thing clean. The wipes were grey when she was done. And then she wiped her face with the same wipes. Ew. But hey, at least she's getting the hang of this whole cleaning thing, all on her own! Mommy's little helper.

We've also learned a way to communicate the fact that she has pooped in her diaper. "Pooey!" As in "You pooped, Pooey!" Or "Hailey, did you Pooey?" Sometimes she agrees the Pooey is too much to handle, too stinky to smell, and she nods her head yes...YES mom, I'm Pooey, please change my diaper! And she even shakes her head and says "Pooey!" Tonight, however, she didn't want to stop her cleaning for a silly thing like having her butt rid of poop. I asked her "Hailey, are you pooey?" She shook her head back and forth, insisting that no she did not have poop in her britches. No, she was not pooey. Eventually I convinced her of her stinkiness, and she laid down on the floor. But I took way too long to clean her up, and she tried to take off with poo on her butt. Oh, the joys of being a mom.

Speaking of being a mom, Mother's Day is coming up in a couple days! Last Mother's Day I knew I wasn't a WONDERFUL mom. It was weird to get cards from D and my mom about what a great mom I was. I knew they were lies. I knew I was just barely scraping by. It made me feel like crap, honestly. And I felt weird. I was a mom. I was not prepared to have that title! It wasn't something I felt comfortable announcing to the world, by having people dote on me on that day. I tried to turn the attention to my mom. Of course I would have been upset if I hadn't gotten any cards too. But it was just a weird day. This year, I am REALLY looking forward to Mother's Day!! I can't believe how far I've become. This year, I know I'm awesome. This year, I know without a doubt that Hailey adores me above all others. And I adore her like I never could have imagined. We're buddies, we're two peas in a pod. She needs me and I need her. We're two halves of a whole. We're so in love with each other it's rediculous. I'm a mom, and an awesome one at that. This year, I wanna shout it out to the world! I've become comfortable with my roll, and proud, and excited, and I'm just loving every minute. And it's so great, I got my first Mother's Day present today. And simultaneously, my first "I made this for mommy at school" present too. My heart melted, I almost cried. At the sitter's she made me the most wonderful picture. It's got an adorable snapshot of her in pigtails, and her handprints in pink fingerpaint. With a poem that melts my heart. And it's just perfect, because it really is the way I feel about motherhood. It's the reason why there are goldfish crackers all over my living room floor right now, and the reason I don't care that she's squirting juice from her juicebox everywhere while figuring out which way is "up" on the box...

Here is the poem, tucked between her sweet little pink handprints:

Little Fingers
Sticky little fingers,
Touching all the walls.
Smudgy little fingerprints,
From a child so small.
It seems the cleaning's never done,
But soon the small child's grown.
And no more little fingerprints
Will decorate your home.
So save a little hand print
So you can recall,
Just how sweet your child's hand looked
When it was very small.
I'm sad that I didn't get to appreciate every minute of my daughter's life. But I'm also excited to spend the rest of my life being her mommy.
I feel odd putting this at the bottom of this post, but I have to share something that happened to me today. This afternoon my phone rang. It was the lady I interviewed with at the other company, before I got my new job. The job that I was sure I would get. The job I lost to a person with less experience and a college degree. Well apparently that person didn't work out, because the job is open again. And they offered it to me. I told them unfortunately I already found another job somewhere else. They asked how long I'd been there, and I told them about a month. She paused, and said "We should have snatched you up when we could!" She asked me how I liked my new job and I told her I love it. She said "Well if you're ever in the market for a new job again, let me know!" How awesome am I. I told her I appreciate the phonecall. I rock. What can I say. I told some of the girls at my new job, because I thought it was funny that they called me, and they all got these worried looks on their faces..."you're not leaving are you???" I reassured them that no, I wasn't. I just had to brag. I can't help it. I'm proud of myself. For so long, I had such a negative view of myself. But now I can see that I rock, that's I'm awesome, that I really am a great person! And my daughter is at the moment eating a I Love Culligan sticker. Oh yea, she rocks too :o)
Hope everyone has an amazing Mother's Day!! We all rock!!

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

She's ok

Her hips are alright. I called the dr. office today and left a message. They called me back. The xrays looked fine, she's just loose jointed like me. Thank God.

I was going to write this whole thing about how I hate this city because it's getting too crowded and complicated as the years go on, and how I miss the 80's and 90's. But I'm too tired. I'm afraid I'm boring everyone lately. If anyone's even reading this anymore! Thanks to those of you who are, and those of you who leave comments. It really brightens my day, which sounds silly, but it does, to get a comment.

Lost is on...

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Rough day

Today was Miss Hailey's 1 yr. checkup, finally. She weighs 20 lbs 6 oz. even though she eats like a pig(I was told to cut back on her milk intake, since what I'm giving her is too many calories for her age) and she's 28 and 1/2 inches long...only 1/2 inch growth from her last well-check! She's gonna be a shorty like her mommy. She got her shots, which of course she didn't like. Then he sent us over for an xray because her right hip is clicking. I've been worried about that for a while now, since her hips pop all the time and she took so long to show any interest in walking. Plus her little fat folds up by her hooha are a bit uneven, and that can be a bad sign also. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but I was born with congenital hip dysplasia and it's hereditary. I was so paranoid when I found out I was having a girl that I would pass it on to her. The funny thing is, since she's started walking some I haven't even thought about it anymore really and then he says she needs an xray and it just caught me off guard. So we go over to get the xray and of course the lady just left for lunch and won't be back for another 45 minutes. So I left, ran by work on the other side of town to tell them what was going on because I couldn't find the phone number, and then went all the way back and put her through more torture. She was not happy when we left. I took her back to the sitters to see how she'd act when we got there. If she was clingy, I was taking her home. But she was fine, ready to eat. She played outside and ate great and napped for 1 and 1/2 hrs, and then ate a ton when I got her home. I gave her a bath and put on her pjs and started folding some towels. And what does she do? She takes a dive off her rocking horse, landing on her head. She never does that, so she had to be really tired. I scooped her up and rocked her and sang to her, and after about 10 minutes she fell asleep. I could tell she was ready for bed, so I laid her in her crib...and it was only 7:15! Hopefully she'll sleep all night and feel ok tomorrow. So far she hasn't had a fever and I haven't had to give her any medicine. My poor baby. I hope she has a better day tomorrow, and that she doesn't have any reactions to the shot a week or 2 from now like they warned she could.

I need to note that she can say another short sentence now..."All done." And I don't know if I noted before that she can also say nana and fish. I need to update the list.

Tonight Hailey pulled the round tin out of the box in the kitchen. She likes to pull it out. Tonight she picked up her wooden spoon and started using the tin like a drum, then the leg of her high chair, then the floor...listening to all the different sounds it made. It was so cute. She was in the kitchen by herself while I sorted laundry in the bedroom, and I heard her banging so I went to see what was going was cute to walk into the kitchen to her drumming away. Another thing she's done the past few days...we have these foam fireplace edge guard things up on the corners of our walls along the front keeps falling off for some reason, and apparently this bugs Hailey. She'll pick it up and try to put it back up on the corner. When I help her put it back on the corner she pushes on it like I do. It's the cutest thing. She pushes all up and down the long foam pad to get it to stick. Mommy's little helper. Speaking of little helper. She LOVES to help me unload the dishwasher. Tonight she unloaded her basket of nipples and lids etc. into another basket up on the counter. She stood on the door to the dishwasher like usual and took the caps and nipples out of the basket one by one and transferred them to the new basket on the counter. Such a big helper! I praised her, of course. Gosh I just love her to pieces. She's too stinking cute.

My mom's staying with me the rest of the week since D's leaving. And he's sick, like coughing up gunk sick, so I feel really bad for him. He's not going to play well feeling so crappy. At least it's his last tournament this season, and then he'll be home more this summer and he'll be able to work more too and get more sleep.

I'm about to crash, I'm so tired. I busted my butt tonight doing laundry, unloading and reloading the dishwasher, picking the living room up, handwashing some dishes/bibs etc. plus taking care of Hailey. I'm beat.

Monday, May 7, 2007

I'm watching a show on TLC right now about a family with 13 kids, 11 living at home. It's amazing to me how these moms and dads handle all that. I want 3 kids, tops. And well spaced at that.

I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but Saturday I went shopping with a friend, J, that I had quit talking to a while back after I got sick of what a horrible friend she was. We had talked and she apologized for everything and we'd "made up" right as I started my new job. She's been over to my house a couple times, everything has been great. We even went to dinner one night, her treat. Then the shopping trip Saturday...I remember why I quit being friends with this girl now. She drove me nuts getting onto Hailey. Does she not think if Hailey is doing something wrong that I, her MOTHER, would reprimand her? I got so sick of hearing "Hailey stop that!" or "Hailey sit DOWN!" etc. It's one thing for me to speak sternly to my daughter when she needs it, but for someone else to that isn't D or my mom, especially someone who doesn't have kids themselves, well frankly that just pisses me off. I explained to her that I'm not as strict as some moms and Hailey is also capable of a lot more than some kids her age, so I don't get onto her for certain things. Like standing up backwards in her stroller. She does this a lot. I watch her. I would never let her fall. It's not worth the fight. I pick my battles. If something is going to hurt her, or if she hits or bites etc. I reprimand her. If she dumps cracker crumbs all over the carpet, we say "uh oh!" and I ask her calmly and nicely to put them back in the bowl, and guess what, she DOES. But all day Saturday, J got onto Hailey for stupid little things that didn't even matter. And it pissed me off even more, because Hailey was having a bad day. She was really demanding and really grumpy. I handle her just fine and still go about my business on days like that. But J just couldn't handle it. She commented that just one afternoon with us wore her out so bad it was rediculous. What the hell wore her out so bad?!?! She didn't do anything! Oh wait, she yelled at my daughter all day...I'm sure that would wear a person out. The thing that really bit me in the ass was when I gave Hailey a cup of water and Jessica got onto her and took it away. It was a plastic cup from Starbucks, with a lid and a straw, full of ice water. Hailey loves water, especially when she gets to drink it through a straw. I put the cup between her legs, she held onto it with both hands, and drank her water and said "mmm!" over and over. We were in Penney's. When Jessica realized that Hailey had the cup, she flipped out and said "No Hailey!" and grabbed it from her. WHAT.THE.HELL...I gave her that cup...I, her MOTHER...and she freaking yelled at her and took it away. Is she DUMB?? What the hell is wrong with her? I told her that I gave it to her...her response?? "She's going to dumb it all over the floor!" I told her no, she wouldn't, she does very well holding her cups and drinking from them with no mess. GRRRRRRRRRR Needless to say, I won't be calling her for a while. Actually I'll be waiting for her to make the next move. I'm not seeking her out. She disrespected me way too bad this time...she went too far. And she doesn't think she did anything wrong!

Ok I'm done bitched. I'll end this with a cute story, and a few new words from the Peanut. Tonight as she was taking a bath, she began dipping her fingers in the water and popping them in her mouth one by one and saying "yum!" It was too cute. Yum is one of her new words. Along with "car" and "daddy." Another word I forgot to note before that she's been saying for a long time is "bubble"....pronounced "bubba." She also signs for "more" and "milk." We weren't going to teach her signs, since we're in the group that feels signing delays speech, but apparently the sitter teaches them and it hasn't hurt Hailey's speech at all so far. She signs and talks at the same time...she'll sign for more while saying "more." Aside from the sitter's 3 year old, Hailey talks the most of all the other kids, even the 2 year old little girl that goes there. I have a feeling she's going to be one of those little girls that talks your ear off. Great for me, but she'll probably annoy other people! Nah, she's too cute for that :o)

I am so tired, but I busted my butt tonight...I played with Hailey, vacuumed(because she'd dumped crackers and dried apples all over the floor, and I dumped more crackers onto the floor because she couldn't get them out of the I said, I'm not fussy) made spaghetti and steamed peas for dinner, did a load of laundry and folded 2 more loads, gave the kiddo a bath and put her to bed. Oh and my friend and her 2 kids came by for a little bit tonight too. Good night :o) Except it's a weeknight, which means D wasn't here. The walk we took last night as a little family was so nice, I wish we could have done that tonight too!

Alright off to fold more laundry...

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Attached at the hip

Hailey was attached to my hip this weekend even more so than usual. She wouldn't play, she wanted to waller all over me, and anywhere we went I had to carry her. She doesn't want anybody else but me. My mom took us to Olive Garden today for soup, salad and breadsticks and Hailey insisted on sitting on my lap the whole time. That's not like her! I don't know what's up, I don't know if she's just loving me more and more every day or what...she just hugs on me all day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining! I love her to pieces. She's my little buddy. But I do feel bad for D. She hasn't wanted much to do with him lately. I guess she's probably just going through another phase. I had to have him take over rocking her to sleep tonight though. She wanted me to keep rocking her, and after 30 minutes or so I tried to lay her down. Usually, no problem, she rolls over and goes to sleep. On nights like tonight, she will never lay down and go to sleep for me. I lay her down and she stands up and cries for me to hold her. So on nights like this, the best thing to do is to hand her off to D. She cries for me for about 30 seconds, then she settles into her daddy and he gets her to sleep no problem. Which is good because I am SO STINKING TIRED. I had to get up with her both days this weekend since D had golf at the butt crack of dawn(he was so not happy about that). Yesterday I took my shower and all that while she was sleeping(the red mark on my forehead is still there by the way) so today I thought YES, I'll finally get a nap while she's napping! She went down about 10:15 or so...I got to sleep about 10:30...and darned if she didn't wake up at 10:45. She was exhausted, but for some reason she woke up crying really bad and wouldn't go back to sleep. So she wallered all over me on the couch for a while til she got hungry for lunch. My mom was going to watch her for a while so I could take a nap, but stupid me I thought no it's too late now I might as well just go about my day. So we went to the mall and I took a shirt back to Penneys that was too big. Before we left the house I had a mini-meltdown. I remember now why I wore the clothes I did before I got pregnant. Why I did wear more "mature" clothing...I can't find anything anywhere here in my size!! It is so frustrating, it brings me to tears. I found so many cute things this weekend that DON'T COME IN MY SIZE. I ended up wearing my white cargo pants and an XS green guy's T-shirt. Talk about frumpy. And then I promptly sat on some chocolate at Olive Garden so it looked like I doodied in my pants. I had to go by my mom's house and change into her black stretch pants...which are a medium so they bagged off my butt, so like always I looked like I dumped in my pants. But damn was I comfortable. And I found the cutest tshirt in the juniors section that has pink flowers all over's pleated up at the top, and I tried it on and what does my mom say? "That looks like a maternity top"...I bought it anyway...hell at least it'll camoflauge my big belly. I've been so bloated lately, I seriously look about 18 wks pregnant. Do I care? Nope. It's funny, I've had 2 people at my new job ask me if I'm pregnant. I thought it was hilarious.

Back to my meltdown. I don't know what the hell to do about clothes. I have none. Nothing that fits or looks decent anyway. I did get a couple shirts this weekend, but that's not a whole wardrobe. Where the hell am I supposed to get clothes?? Everything I can find in the misses sections only goes down to a Small or a 4. If I had money right now I'd go to the Gap. But I don't even know if they'd have anything I like right now. Last summer I got a couple pairs of capris there that I LOVED, I wore them all the time...and now they're way too big for me. It's so depressing! I pulled out this Tshirt from the Gap that I wore last summer that I absolutely LOVED, and OH MY GOD it was huge. How could I have shrank that much? I don't feel that much smaller than I was's really depressing me that I have no clothes, and I just don't know what to do...

I am noting, in case I didn't before, that Hailey loves blowing bubbles and brings them to me all the time asking "bubble?"... and tonight, I left the top unscrewed on her Gazillions of Bubbles, so she dumped it on the living room floor. And those are the expensive bubbles darn it. And how in the world do you clean bubbles off carpet? It just keeps foaming and foaming and foaming.

Today in Penney's Hailey insisted on walking everywhere, and stepping on any spot on the floor while saying "bug!" She STILL loves bugs, and she loves stepping on anything remotely bug-looking. That's my girl.

This post is pretty random and unorganized. I'm so tired. D is done rocking Hailey now, apparently she went to sleep wonderfully for him, thank God. So now that I can make noise in the household again, I'm going to get ready for bed. Yes there is still shredded cheese on the floor from her dinner, and bottles that need to be rinsed waiting in the sink, and clothes to be put away. I don't give a crap. I'm going to bed. Hopefully I won't be so tired tomorrow. I've got a busy day ahead of me.

By the way, we watched Ice Age 2, The Meltdown last night...pretty funny and cute! Better than the first one I think...

Saturday, May 5, 2007

I'm a big kid now

I love it that Hailey can tell us what she wants now. All we have to do is ask her..."do you want to listen to music?" An enthusiastic head nod is the result. She dances like crazy, swaying back and forth in her car seat. I can tell she's getting tired. "Do you want to listen to more music?" A tired head shake. So I turn it off, and she's happy. I absolutely love this new thing she's mastered called communication. She may not be able to speak like we do, but she sure knows what we're asking and how to respond w/ her wants. She has, however, spoken her first sentence. Not quite 13 months, and a short sentence, but a sentence all the same. "More baba." When her milks gone, and she wants more in her bottle, "More baba." I'm so proud.

We turned her car seat around to face forward today. She loves it. I imagine she feels like part of the family now while we're in the car, able to see all that we're doing and have conversations with us. Oh yea and I get to see how she dances like crazy to music. Love it!

We went out for pizza tonight as a family. We had a gift certificate for our favorite pizza place left over from xmas, so we finally used it. Pizza on Cinco de Mayo...oh well we had fun :o)

I've started reading The Undomestic Goddess again...I finished The Giver, in case anyone noticed on my "I'm Currently Reading" section. I forgot how un-satisfying the ending is to that book. It always did leave me wondering what the heck happened next. I wish they'd written a second book, to follow up on what happens to them. All the same, it's still an awesome book. So now I'm back to The Undomestic Goddess, which I had a hard time getting into before. And I'm still having a hard time getting into it! I LOVE Sophie Kinsella's books, the Shopaholic series is awesome. But this one isn't as wonderful. Luckily I found my 4th shopaholic book, "Shopaholic and Sister" as I was cleaning my car this evening. YEA! It's been missing since I left my other job. I was afraid it was gone forever. So, once again I think I may have to put aside the Goddess book and go back to my good ol' Shopaholic series. After all, the 5th book, Shopaholic and Baby has come out, and I haven't even read the 4th book yet! Does anybody else read?

Alright so weird crap always happens to me. Today I put Hailey down to a nap and thought I'd take the opportunity to take a shower. I replaced the batteries in the monitor receiver since we haven't used it forever and it was dead, and I began taking a nice hot shower. I had to take it in the master bath so I wouldn't wake Hailey up, and in that bathroom all we have is the shower stall, not a tub. So I'm shaving my legs and the water is running down right on me. So of course I go to adjust the shower head, right? Easy enough, right? NO. Not for me it's not. I grab the shower head, go to adjust it, and POP it breaks and snaps clean off the pipe and PEGS ME IN THE FORHEAD! Talk about freaking hurting. So it bounces off my head and falls loudly to the floor, knocking over all the soap bottles. Thank God it didn't wake Hailey up. But now I have a big red line on my forhead that won't go away. And it gave me a big headache. And now we have no shower head...

My mom took me to Kohl's today and bought me a shirt and a pair of black pants for work. I need new clothes bad, I have nothing for summer since I'm 2 sizes smaller than I was last summer. I have no capris that fit, one pair of shorts which I'll hardly ever wear, and 2 pairs of jeans that bag off my butt like I dumped in my pants and my underwear pokes out the top(because like I said before, that's how I roll)...I am rattier than ratty looking. And I don't look 24. I'm tired of getting looks like "jeez, teen mom" I'm cleaning out all my old clothes and getting rid of them, and I'm going to slowly accumulate more mature "my age" clothing that actually fits. For that to occur I need more money and to quit losing weight. We'll see if that happens...

I took a 13 gallon trash bag of baby stuff to the local Children's Orchard today. I'm excited! They're supposed to call me in 3 to 5 days and tell me what they'll give me for it. I've got a few more things I'm going to take when I pick up the check, if they pay me halfway decent for what I took today. Hell if they pay me well enough, I'm thinking I could make a little extra money off this plan is, if the pay's decent for these items, I'm going to start going to garage sales on the weekends and picking up good clothes and things for really cheap and then sell them to this place for more than what I paid for them. We'll see if it works out. The extra money would be nice!

Alright I'm off to spend time with D since he's in town this weekend...

And it begins...

Most little girls I know are talkers. They'll talk your ear off. Honestly sometimes my niece drives me nuts because she WILL.NOT.SHUT.UP. Hailey is talking non-stop these days. She pops out new words every day. Here is the list, thus far...

~dada (sometimes shortened to da)
~uh oh
~ite (for bite)
~more(when she wants another bite of something, or when she wants some food...and now she says this while that the sign for more or something??)
~mine (oh she loves this one)
~boon (for balloon)
~hi (which she says to everyone and every animal, all the time, with a huge smile on her face--and she also loves talking on the phone, telling whoever it is "hi" a bunch and then blabbing a bunch of gibberish)
~hot tea (I got her a plastic mug for Easter and told her it was hot tea, so she goes around trying to find her "hot tea" and sips on it and then says "aaah" like it was good)
~papa (much to the delight of her papa's...she's melting their hearts)
~Gugga (what she calls my mom)
~bye bye
~mama kiss
~bub you(love you)
~bayo--pronounced "buy-o"--(in a singy voice, because I sing this to her when I'm rocking her before her naps on the weekends...just like my grandma sang to me)
~shoes(which she loves to wear...and lately her new thing is to wear OUR shoes...she puts them on her feet and wants us to walk her around)...right now she's at the front door playing with all the shoes!

She also sings made up songs, which I find highly amusing and adorable. She still barks "ar! ar!" and growls at every dog. She's wanting to walk everywhere. She loves pushing the cart at WalMart. And she looooooooooooves Cheerios. I think she's gonna turn into a Cheerio. She eats them all day every day. And constantly asks for more. She's also drinking whole milk now, which means I don't have to buy any more formula, YAY!! She also loves brocolli/cheese/rice/tuna casserole that I make, and strawberries and yogurt. And of course goldfish. As we speak, she just dropped her bowl of Cheerios on the carpet, making them fly everywhere, and exclaimed "uh oh!" It's ok, she'll just them off the floor...don't judge me. Something new she's started doing this week that I LOVE, is getting into her own car seat! All I have to do is put her in the seat next to her car seat and she'll climb up and turn around and sit right down for me to buckle her in! Such a good little girl. She STILL will not play by herself, however. She never has been one of those kids that'll sit and play by herself, with her toys, or watch tv...she hangs on me all day, bugging me, wanting me to play with her and entertain her. I love her to pieces, but this gets tiring. It's so hard to get anything done, and it's part of the reason I hardly ever get to get on the computer. As I type this, she's standing at my knees pulling down the screen of the laptop and laughing like crazy. She has all these toys, TONS of toys, and she won't even play with them unless I'm playing WITH her. But my mom said I was the same way as a kid. And I don't mind playing with her. But my house is less than clean/organized and there are piles of clean clothes sitting around everywhere...but frankly I don't care. If all you care about is having a clean house, well sorry but that's just pitiful. With that said, I do have to note that I am that the right word?? Anyway, I'm getting rid of a lot of crap. I'm taking a bunch of my clothes to a store that will pay me for them and then resell them...I'm doing the same with some of Hailey's things, like this bath seat she refused to ever sit in--I'm taking her stuff to a Children's Orchard. And the rest of the junk I get rid of I'm giving to goodwill. I'm tired of clutter and we just don't have enough storage to keep everything.

Ok on to other things...Thursday my bosses took us all out to lunch at a fancy restaurant. We were gone for 2 hours, the food was amazing, and everyone is so nice! Nothing like the lunches or dinners we'd have w/ the people at the hell hole, where everybody sat not talking and eating their food. Thursday's lunch was actually fun! Everybody talked and laughed, and at the end we ordered 3 huge desserts and everyone passed them around the table and shared.

Ok I have to cut this short and go give Hailey a bath. She was standing in the kitchen sticking her fingers down her throat over and over and over and laughing when it gagged her and then she threw up...LOVELY...see what I mean? This girl is high maintenance. And after she threw up all over her feet and the kitchen floor, she gagged herself some MORE and STILL laughed because it's just SO FUNNY! So off to a bath we go...sigh...