Update

Things have been crazy lately, as usual.

My sister went back to California, and is now a resident of beautiful Hawaii.

Last weekend I drove to STL to visit my cousin and her little girl. That night about 11:00 Hailey started coming down with a fever. My cousin's little girl got sick the next day...I'm used to Hailey having bugs here and there so I didn't think anything of it. My cousin, on the other hand, has always been a stay at home mom which means her daughter has hardly ever been sick. So she freaked at the 102 degree temp and took her to the dr. It's a good thing she did...the girls apparently had swine flu. Which it turns out, really isn't that big of a deal! Unless you have a heart or breathing problem, which neither of the girls do, thank goodness. Hailey was over her fever Tuesday.

Monday I left Hailey with my unemployed husband and went to apply at a childcare center right outside of town. They had me work on the playground for about an hour. They told me to go into DFS the next day and see about qualifying for free childcare. Yet again, being married screwed me over...we don't qualify. With or without D working. Without him working, they consider him able to care for her while I work. With him and I both working, even if we didn't make over 8$ an hour each, we still would be over the income limit because we only have one kid. I called the owner of the center Tuesday afternoon to let him know what I found out. They were very nice and said they could give me a 40% discount for Hailey to go there. He called me back later that day and just like that, I had a job. I started my new job Wednesday, only 2 days after I applied. My first day was HORRIBLE...but I think it was only because I wasn't quite prepared for what they wanted me to do, and because I hate change with a passion. Also Hailey stayed home with D for most of the day, to make my first day a little easier on me...D ended up bringing her at about 2:00 though, so he could go hunting. Nice. He hasn't changed. So the rest of the day was difficult, her clinging to me, not wanting me to do my job etc....I mean she's had my full undivided attention for 4 months now. Anyway, long story short, I completely changed professions from boring ol' accounting...and am now a teacher of an awnry, energetic, and adorable group of 2 year olds! I never quite believed I would be a teacher, even though I always sorta wanted to be. It's a HUGE job. With little pay. But it's worth it, it's rewarding, it's fun, and I get to wear YOGA PANTS to work every day if I want!! (Did I mention how much WORK this job is?!?! I never get to sit down. I sweep and mop floors, constantly pick up and clean, and I'm not even going to talk about the bathroom breaks right now, with 6 to 8 little 2 year olds running amock. It's craziness! But I love it...and hell, I may even lose some weight because of all the activity! LOL)

Amidst all the craziness of starting a new job and falling into place there, and trying to get my kid used to being in a new school, she comes down with ANOTHER fever. Complains of her ear hurting, and on my 3rd day of work throws up all over my bathroom. I called work, told them I'd be in a few minutes late, scheduled a dr. appt. for Hailey and had to leave her home with my (still) unemployed husband...and he's sick too, which means he's a huge baby right now, as well as a humongous GRUMP. Luckily they let me off work at 11:30 so I could come home and take Hailey to the dr. She had a horrible ear infection, bulging ear drum etc. Poor baby :( Rough week for her. She's on meds now and on the mend. Thank God.

Now I am on the hunt for lesson plans and activities for 2 year olds...the group I have have had so many different teachers (apparently nobody sticks around for long because 2 year olds are not the desired age to teach) that they don't know their colors, shapes, how to count or say the ABC's...any of it. It's hard to do activities when they don't even know the basics, and haven't been taught how to behave. So far I think things are going great. I think the kids are going to learn to listen to me...even after just 2 days in the classroom with them, I've been told they listen to me better than they have anybody else, even better than the other teachers that still work there. They seemed to have some fun with the activities I came up with (shape hokie pokie and playing WITH them during free play--which the teachers of the other classes don't do.) I'm still nervous about this week...the things that worry me are little things, like when do I schedule recess? The center doesn't have set times, which seems crazy to me. The place seems unorganized, it drives me nuts. I got lucky last week, it was way too rainy to even think about going outside. I just hate not knowing what's coming up, when to do what, etc. I like to be prepared. I know the longer I'm there, the better things will get. It's just getting to that point that is the hard part.

As far as D goes...I don't have a clue what to do. He can't get a job, not even an INTERVIEW. He's been applying everywhere, even places like Home Depot and Bass Pro. He's applied for janitor positions at the college here in town, because he's got 9 years of experience in that area. But he hasn't gotten a single interview anywhere. He's frustrated, but not as frustrated as he should be. He doesn't care that bills are going unpaid. He's still going hunting and playing golf a lot. He's going NOTHING around the house...and he criticized me for not making the house spotless when I wasn't working...even though I had Hailey to take care of and entertain all day every day. He doesn't watch her, he doesn't have a job...but yet he does nothing but make the house DIRTIER. I'm trying very hard to deal with a sick kid, a new job with long hours, my FMS problems (exhaustion and hurting) AND keep the house clean. I might as well be single. Seriously. I've come so super close to making him leave. When it comes down to it, I just don't want to move in with my mom. I'm so used to having my own space. In a perfect world, I would have enough money to get an apartment of my own for Hailey and I. And D would still be courteous, and pay child support when he got a job, and let me have full custody so he could go off and do whatever he wants whenever he wants. I cannot be without my daughter. I don't trust him with her for a day, let alone a weekend...especially with the fact that he'd be living with his parents (because face it, regardless of what he thinks, he could NOT support himself) and they do things like not feeding her because she isn't complaining about being hungry. And she hates staying there. She refuses to spend the night with them. UGH I just never wanted to be in this mess. I do love D, like you would love your best friend that you've had for the last 10 years. But he treats me like crap, and doesn't act like a husband at all. Still. And I just can't put up with this forever. I'm so torn on what to do. Right now I'm going to concentrate on my new job, and eventually, HOPEFULLY, I'll work things out in my head and be able to move on with my life...whether it's with him, or not.

To switch to a brighter subject...the pumpkin festival in Hartsburg, MO is coming up soon and I'm SO super excited!!! My mom took the whole weekend off work...I'm not even bugging D to go this year. My mom, Hailey and I are going to go and have a blast! I should have a new picture to put up after next weekend...I'll do like I normally do and post each year's picture, so everybody can see how much Hailey has changed!! :)

If anybody has any ideas for activities for my class, or websites they recommend etc., PLEASE let me know! Thanks!

Things I don't quite understand

I'm going to admit right now, I don't know a whole lot about how the government works, taxes, any of that crap...I don't vote either. I've never had any interest.

Suddenly all this stuff sort of impacts me directly and I'm left not having a clue what it all means. I don't even know how to write this post! Basically working for a non-profit "organization" -- namely, the public school system -- has a lot more of an effect on my life than I thought it would. It's also a lot different than working for a regular, profitable company. Besides the fact that I don't get profit sharing anymore (hello, no profit to share) there are also many other things coming to light that I didn't know about or didn't think of until now that I've been here almost a full year. Like, for instance, how taxes really affect my job directly. There's a whole lot of budget mumbo-jumbo crap going on right now and basically a huge levy needs to be passed by the voters or we have to cut millions of dollars worth of "stuff" in the district...like one job here in the office (thank God I made this switch to AP from the secretarial position...thank GOD) and among other things, no raise this year. They're encouraging each employee that lives in the voting area to take along four friends to vote yes on the levy. Problem is, a lot of our employees don't live in this town. And I don't vote. But even if I did vote...this is a big tax increase they're asking of the citizens of this town. I can't afford more taxes, I pay enough already! So I would have a hard time voting "yes" to pay more taxes even if it would mean not doing all these budget cuts for the district. Hell I'm even confusing myself right now trying to post about this! It's just a big change from what I'm used to, having to worry about all this stuff now and having politics and the media and such all of a sudden becoming IMPORTANT *gasp!* Basically, since I don't understand it all, I'm going to keep doing my job, keep not voting, and when the time comes I'll do what I'm told when the time comes (this levy's not going to pass...nobody I've talked to is for it). I'm just not so sure I'd ever want to work for a non-profit ever again, if I'm ever in the market for a new job again...

Go me

I got myself some new clothes this weekend. I figured I deserve it. I do work hard. Plus I got the promotion! Go me! Which means a raise. And an office. Don't mean to toot my own horn but...yea I rock.





Hailey told me she loves me tonight..."bub you, bub you!" How sweet is that? She's said it once before, months and months ago, but this was the first time she actually meant something when she said it. She also knows the #9 on the telephone, and will push it and say "nine!" My in-laws kept her overnight last night, since yesterday was hubby's birthday...this is only the 2nd time they've ever kept her. She survived, and had a good time...but she didn't sleep much at all and she didn't get much to eat so she was STARVING tonight at dinner. They just cannot get it through their heads that she is not their grandson, who goes to sleep on his own wonderfully and eats like a bird. For breakfast they didn't cut up her biscuit, so she didn't touch it...and for lunch they gave her a little piece of cheese and some Cheerios! That's it! Tonight at dinner she scarfed down a huge plate of breaded turkey, steamed peas and mandarine oranges and drank milk like there's no tomorrow, because all they would give her was freaking juice when I told them she only gets one juicebox a day of that Motts for Tots juice which is watered down. Their grandson drinks juice ALL DAY. By the time we got to her she was asking us for milk with BOTH hands, her little hands milking those imaginary udders like CRAZY...pitiful. She had a good time their, but I just don't feel like they listened to my instructions at all, even things that I stressed like DO NOT put her in the crib and let her fuss at night, we don't do that, we rock her no matter how restless she seems in our arms. She cried before she went to sleep. My baby cried herself to sleep, and that breaks my heart. I told his mom when we went to pick her up that even if she is restless going to sleep for us at night, and even if I have to look her in the face and tell her firmly "No Hailey, it's time to go Night Night"....she NEVER cries. His mom said "oh she doesn't?" and I said no, she doesn't. And she just kind of sat there. I was nice about it, don't get me wrong. I so wish it had worked out better. It would be so nice for her to be able to stay there once in a while. She was really excited to be there. When we were leaving and standing at the front door she was sitting on the living room floor playing and she waved quickly and said "bye!" without even glancing our way. It was so cute. It just obviously didn't go THAT well when I pick her up and she's not only exhausted but starving and really thirsty. SIGH...it felt so good to tuck her into her crib tonight. I feel so much more at peace having her home.

Getting on the computer was a bad choice

I had my interview today at 10:00 for the AP job...it only lasted like 15 minutes. My boss told me it was going to be kind of a weird interview because they already knew all my work experience and they're happy with the work I do now, so there wasn't much to talk about. They asked me a couple questions, and a few times my boss said some things that really made me think they already have their minds made up. It's between me and one other lady, and from what I hear from a couple people in the office, they're just interviewing this other lady with the thought that she can take my place after I move up to the AP job. But I'm still not getting my hopes up. Although my boss did tell me after I move up to the AP job they're going to fight with the big head honcho to get my current job moved up a grade to be on the same level as the AP job...he asked me if they did that would I still want to move to the AP job, and I told him yes, and he told me that he thought that was a good decision because if there are budget cuts my current job will be the first to go. So it pretty much sounds like I'm going to get the AP job...but again, not getting my hopes up. They had told the other accountants they wanted to have their decision made by the end of today. So hopefully I will hear something tomorrow! It'll be awesome if I do get it, because that would mean at least a dollar more in pay per hour! I'll be making about $3 more per hour than I was making at the hell hole! That will really help us out this next year...the bad thing is, I don't see how I'll be able to quit working once D gets out of school and gets a job. So it's starting to make me seriously reconsider starting to try for another baby in December, which breaks my heart. D thinks we should still go for it, but I hate going into that being so uncertain about his job situation. What if he can't find anything decent and I have to keep working? We can't afford $1100 a month in daycare. And what if we have to move in order for him to get another job? I'd have to find a new OB and all that right in the middle of my pregnancy. I just don't know...I know it's a long way off, but I'm a planner, and if things aren't planned out I get really stressed. So I'm going to be thinking a lot about all this and worrying, and I'll probably be pissed off and sad off and on because I know what we really should do and it's not what my heart wants... **SIGH**

I'm loving the way Hailey calls me "Mommy" now instead of mama. I love the way she says it "Mom-mee" SO sweet! She'll walk up and pat me and say "Mom-mee" like she just loves me more than anything. Melts my heart every time. And I'm having a hard time not thinking of her as my baby anymore. Like a little chubby baby. She's such a kid now, I mean she's not a baby at all anymore...she's going on 15 months old, and she's getting so big. Will I always call her my baby, even when she's 15, or 30? Is this how all those parents and grandparents out there feel who tell their kids and grandkids "You'll always be my baby!" I look at her Newborn size diaper that I saved and I am shocked...surely her butt never fit in that?? One butt cheek maybe, or maybe not...she does have a bubble butt after all...but of course it did at one time fit her, and it makes me so happy and so sad all at once to think about how much she has grown and changed. And I almost can't picture having a baby that tiny again...and I cannot imagine having a stomach that huge again!!

Spilled her coffee broke her shoelace...smeared the lipstick on her face...slammed the door and said I'm sorry I...

had a bad day again. Friday, that is. It started out a little off. I woke up an hour late, my alarm didn't go off. No biggie, still got to work on time. Had a million copies to make. Stupid contract time. 1200 contracts, 2 copies per contract...ok that's 2400 copies. 1200 schedule copies...1200 copies of some stupid memorandum on the back of the schedule...1200 copies of a letter, 1200 copies of some other stupid sheet. Not to mention the copies I had to redo because the folding machine screwed up a bunch at first, and the lady didn't know what she was doing. I made all the copies. ALL the copies. I'm not stupid. I know A to Z. They were all there. 4 different people folding. 3 different people stuffing, including me after I spent 3/4 of the day copying. One of the payroll girls comes out of their office bitching and muttering something like "stupid people always screw everything up..." I joked with her and said "gosh I hope it's not something I did!" She says "well, actually, I'm missing the whole last half of the alphabet on these contracts." No way. I told her they were all there, that I checked. She says well they aren't now. She was talking about me, right there in front of my face...I was the one she thought screwed it up. Stupid bitch. I'm getting sick of these women all of a sudden. Sick of them backstabbing, sick of how they don't like AP B and H, for WHAT reason I can't figure out, because the reasons they give seem so silly to me. I'm sick of them making fun of people that come into our office for help, or talking bad about them, or people that call on the phone. I'm sick of them not wanting to do their jobs, and not helping people that come in for help! My new job, the one that was so great, has a flaw after all. I'm thinking it's probably best if I do apply for the AP job, that way I won't be doing all their busy work for them that they don't want to do. I can sit in my office, do my work, be nice to everyone but not have to hear all the gossip...and H will be my boss, so that'll be cool. Not to say I'll for sure get the job, I might not. We'll have to see. But I tell you what, either way, I'm NOT going to feel bad about leaving after the other baby is born! It's no wonder our office has such a bad rep! Seriously, I work with a bunch of stuck up you know what's!! So sad...why are some women so catty like that?? Anyway, while stuffing contracts I came across an envelope of an old teacher that I thought was long gone...apparently not, she's retiring this year. I emailed her, and she emailed back and said if I could get off early her retirement reception is at 4:00 at my old highschool. So I got all my contracts stuffed and left an hour early from work, rushed over to pick up Hailey...and I got her in the car, and she starts CRYING. And crying, and crying. Not like throwing her "I don't want to get in the car!" or "I don't want to leave the sitters'!" fit...but like something was wrong. She cried all the way to the school. I get there, nobody's in the parking lot. All of a sudden I felt like it just didn't seem right. I went in anyway. The cop at her little station said very pissily "Can I help you with something??" More like she was saying "what the hell do you think you're doing in here??" I told her I was here for Mrs. S's retirement reception. She said "There isn't any reception going on." More like "ok now leave." I told her that Mrs. S had emailed me and said it was going on there at 4:00. She was getting very irritated with me. I asked her if the office staff would know. She said "They might, but you can't get in there." I told her that I work at the Business Office. She said "What, here??" I told her no, for the whole system. What happened next? She glances down quickly and sees my wedding ring. What the hell does she think, I'm some teen that got knocked up or something? What the frick? Security guy comes out of the office...security guy that I've met at my job...and he DOESN'T RECOGNIZE ME. Cop lady asks him about the reception. He's very rude as well. He doesn't know about any reception. He asks SD (who I sent crap too inner-office mail ALL.THE.TIME) and she's pissy as well! No reception. Talk about pissed. They they kind of walked on either side of me towards the door. Did I look like a freaking criminal? Seriously that school has gone WAY downhill since I graduated...doing all these upgrades, fancy shmancy shit and upping security (that apparently treats students and visitors like complete SHIT)...I got to my car and Hailey's crying again. I re-read the email I printed off. Yea it sounds like she meant that day. I started bawling. I hate it when people treat me like that. I get it a lot. I look really young, I know that. People don't treat teens very well. Esp. ones that have kids. You should have seen the looks and heard the treatment I got while I was pregnant, esp. before we were engaged so I didn't have a ring...esp. when I'd be out shopping with my mom. Women would literally give me horrible disgusted looks. I'm so tired of this crap. What on earth about me makes people think they can treat me like shit?? Why on earth do I deserve that?? Hailey won't stop crying. We're supposed to go to a family friend's house. I get halfway there, my gas light's been on all day, so I stop at the gas station. I thought surely if I got her out and held her, or got her a slushy she'd be fine. I held her outside, in the front seat, in the back seat, got her a slushy and a fruit punch, she didn't want either, she was still crying hysterically. I had to get gas, so I strapped her back in her car seat, her still crying, myself silently crying. I got some gas, while she's freaking out in the back seat. A stupid bitch on a cell phone drives right behind me while I'm trying to back out and honks at me really loud. I cried more. Finally, as I'm back on the country road, Hailey falls asleep. I called the family friend to tell her we're not coming. My phone died. I got home, tried to put Hailey in her crib and she woke up hysterical again. This went on for hours. My heart was breaking, something was obviously wrong but I couldn't figure it out. She didn't have a fever, I checked her all over for bites or cuts, I took her pony tail out, checked her private parts, checked her gums for new teeth, she wasn't pulling at her ears...I gave her Tylenol, that didn't help. Finally I came to the conclusion she must have a tummy ache because she was refusing all liquids which she never does. Esp. if it comes in a bright shiny package w/ a straw. I called my mom and cried to her. I needed help. She came over, Hailey clung to me, thrashing around on my lap. Finally she fell asleep on my chest, after about 3 1/2 hrs. of crying. I fell asleep...I was drained after the day I'd had. My mom let us sleep. I woke up about 30 minutes later and tried to lay Hailey on the floor on her blanket and pillow. She tossed and turned. I thought to myself OH no, she's going to wake up and start crying again...but she turned over and smiled at me. And then she got up on all fours, pointed at the cat and growled. My Hailey was back. Just like that. She was fine. She ate a tiny bit of soup, drank some water. She played. Went to bed again and hour and a half later and slept all night til 7:30 this morning when I woke up to her yelling "Mine! Mine!" She hasn't eating as much as usual today, compared to what she usually eats...a lot less...but she's doing ok. Drinking like normal, pooping and peeing, fighting her naps for me. She was in bed by about 9:30 tonight. I have no idea what happened. She has never EVER cried like that before. It broke my heart. I prayed to God to make whatever was hurting her feel better. I prayed she would be able to fall asleep so she didn't have to hurt anymore. I hope that never happens again.

So there was my shitty shitty Friday. Nice huh? Well at least I don't feel bad about leaving work anymore, so that whole dilemma is gone. No more feeling guilty over that. And I don't hate my job, or dread going in Monday, don't get me wrong. But I am finally realizing it's not quite the dream job I'd hoped. At least I know I only have another year and a half or so until I can leave there and stay home with my kiddos.

Hubby has been amazing lately. (speaking of hubby, I used to hate that word before I was married...it really irked me when people used it...hubby...blech...and now that I'm married, well, he's my hubby...) Anyway, he's continued to help around the house, continued to be very loving and supportive...the one highlight of my day Friday was that he met me for lunch and we had so much fun. Today he slept in til 11:00, and about 12:30 we started cleaning the house. My mom picked Hailey up at about 2:00 or so and took her to look at toys at Walmart. We rearranged the whole living room and threw so much crap away, vacuumed under everything, got rid of a lot of clutter...I cleaned the whole bathroom, even washing the rugs and shower curtain. It feels amazing. And hubby didn't bitch a single time! Not even when his parents came by to watch Hailey and we went to Walmart...and he HATES shopping...so today has been much better. Time with Hailey, my house a bit more clean/organized, an amazing wonderfully helpful loving husband, and I get to sleep in tomorrow!

Hailey's been waking up wet in the mornings...I think she'd sleep longer maybe if her diaper didn't leak. We've been putting her in the cheapo Target brand, just because they're cheap. Yea they're not as good as White Cloud. Walmart was out of those last time though. I bought another box today, but I also bought a package of Huggies Supreve Natural Fit to use on her at night. OH MY GOSH. Have you all used these? I am a Huggies Hater. My SIL was SO pro huggies with my nephew...she even bought the Huggies baby washes and everything...I was determined to do things differently...I was a Pampers user. Swaddlers all the way. Then Cruisers. Then we got poor, so I started using White Cloud which we really like. But seriously, have you used these Huggies Supreme?? Oh my...I pulled one out of the pack tonight and opened it up and it was like freaking underwear. Cutouts to fit the legs so the diaper doesn't bunch up between the legs and sag down almost to the knees...and stretchiness, oh my gosh the stretchiness! And soft! I am shocked. I thoroughly enjoyed putting this diaper on my daughter. And I felt good as I was rocking her to sleep, knowing she was in her soft comfy britches. If these hold her pee(which I've been told they should, that's why I bought them, at the recommendation of a friend who has tried EVERYTHING on her son to keep him from leaking at night...even maxi pads in his diaper!) I may have just been converted to a Huggies user. **GASP** But how can I afford it? I may have to find a way...my daughter deserves luxury britches.

http://www.huggieshappybaby.com/products/index.aspx?diapers

Good gosh it's already 10:30...

I wanna be the girl with the most cake

Well I didn't jump the gun. My boss called me in this morning and told me they are posting AP B's job, and that if I'm interested I just need to send a letter of interest to Administration. I'm really thinking it would be stupid if I didn't apply...it would be more money, it's a great opportunity to advance, and I've only been there almost 2 months! If I do end up leaving after I have the next baby, well then so be it. I have to quit thinking about everybody else and start focusing more on our family and what's best for us. It would be stupid for me to pass up a couple years of awesome pay, just because I may quit in the future. Kind of sucks for them, yes, but good for me. It's just a bummer, because I want it all. I want a house, and new cars, and extra money to go shopping, and I want vacations...but I also want to stay home with my kids, and more time with my husband...I want it all. I've always wanted it all, I've always wanted to be rich, ever since I was old enough to understand about money(say about Kindergarden)...ideally, my husband will get a great job, we'll pay off our debts, buy a house, have babies, and life happily ever after. I'm so hoping...in the meantime, I'm going to apply for this job, continue with the thought that we'll be trying for another baby in December, and just go from there. I just hate all this uncertainty. I'm afraid we may have to put off having another baby, which seems so incredibly unfair. It's something we want so bad, but what if D can't get a good enough job after he graduates for me to quit working? He'd have to make what I make now. Could he do that fresh out of college? Although I don't have a college degree, and he will. SIGH...I guess we'll see what happens.

Everything else I have to write about right now seems so petty compared to all that. And I'm tired...D's allergies are HORRIBLE this year, so he's snoring like mad, so I'm getting no sleep at night.

I know this all sounds negative, but it has been a really good week. I'm just a bit stressed trying to figure out what's best for our family.

Changes

This afternoon we all received an email from my boss. B, the AP lady that everybody but me dislikes, is retiring at the end of June. The thought immediately popped into my head...would they want me to move up to that position? After all, that is what I did at the Hell Hole, and they know that. Apparently people can read my mind, because right away Preggo comes up to me and asks "so are you going to take her place???" I told her I have no idea, that it's a big decision, if they even offered it to me. And at least 3 other people asked me the same thing, including AP B. A million questions and concernes pop into my head when I think about this. Could I handle that job? Could I learn all the little quirks and not screw things up? Do I really WANT to do AP again? Aren't I happy with what I'm doing now? Would it be worth the pay increase? WOULD it be a pay increase? Would I really enjoy the monotony that is that job when that was one of the reasons I got so burnt out at the other place? And then the big questions...but what if we do decide it's best for me to quit working after the second baby is born? Do I really want to do that to this company? I've been wrestling with that for a while now anyway...I love this place, it's cause, the people I work with, everything...and they've told me it took a long time to finally find somebody good for my position. I've been feeling bad, that here I've finally found a place I love, with people I like, that pays incredibly well and here I may be leaving by the end of 2008...and making them start all over again in their search. I've been actually considering not staying home after the 2nd baby is born...which I never would have considered before. So if they do offer me this job, what if I retrain for this new position, and believe me AP is a LOT to learn w/ all the little quirks of all the different vendors etc...and then they'd have to retrain someone for my current position...and then what if I DO decide to stay home after the second baby is born...they'd have to retrain all over again for the AP job. I already didn't know what I was going to do about the whole job situation, and now this just throws a whole new batch of what-ifs to worry about into the mix. I'm jumping the gun here...they haven't said a word to me about the job yet...well no one that matters has anyway. K, the lady I replaced, had me give her my home phone # today...after all this happened...so I'm not sure if she wants to talk to me or what. She's so nice, we get along great. She's actually the wife of my FIL's best friend. So I guess we'll see what she has to say? The money would help tremendously...but I care enough about this company to really think about this whole situation. Again, I'm probably jumping the gun. I just hate not knowing. I wish I knew for sure that D would have a good enough job after he graduates for me to stay home after this next baby is born. I wish I knew how it would all work out. I hate not knowing. But we don't. Ideally, I guess we really should wait to try for the next baby until D graduates and has a better job, so we know where we stand with everything. And who knows, maybe December will come and something will change, and we'll decide to wait. But for now, that's our plan, and we're just having faith that everything else will fall into place. Everything will work out, no matter what happens...it's just a matter of what path are we going to take...and I hate not knowing. I know part of my sureness comes from D's reassurance. He's not one to just do things on a whim. He takes decisions like this very seriously. And not a single obstical I've come up with has deterred him from wanting this baby. He says everything will work out. His sureness makes me even more sure that this is a good decision, this is the right thing to do. Things are finally looking up for us, everything's finally going well. Everything's falling into place...so I have faith...everything's going to be ok!

I just want someone to say to me, I'll always be there when you wake...I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today, so stay with me and I'll have it made...

The last 30 minutes of work today were awesome. I'm talking to the Director of my dept., which I never really have before, and I find out that she lives in a little town about 20 minutes from here that my OLD boss lives in. I mean the boss I had before I got the shitty boss, the lady I loved that was so nice and I'd babysit her kids every now and then. That one. Anyway, it turns out she does know her, and she was updating me on how she was doing these days etc., and it turns out she knows a few other people I know, which is really neat. So the conversation is going really well. Then I mention that my exboss(the shitty one...are you following??) had hired a couple people she knew from her town and even THEY left because she was such a crappy boss. "What's your ex-boss's name?" she asks. I tell her. She says "Oh REAlly"...uh oh...I said "Oh no, you know her? Guess I need to stop trash talking her then!" And what does she say? You're not going to believe this...she says that ex-bosses family are all like her, think they know everything and you can't tell them anything. WTF!! How awesome is that. She said she used to work at the bank in my ex-boss's town, and that her family were always coming in saying the bank screwed something up. She said it was always their fault, never the banks, but they'd never listen. So one time they say that they have a relative that's a CPA and they're going to send her in. Director lady thinks to herself, yes finally someone who will understand what I'm saying. So they sent my ex-boss in, and of course she denies everything Director Lady says and basically calls her a liar! HELLO, sound familiar here people? Director Lady said she LOATHED when she'd see ex-boss come in the doors! I told Director Lady, "Ok so you know what I've been dealing with the past 4 years!!" She completely understood. How awesome is that?!?! Director Lady, the person I really need to impress, completely understands the misery that was my old job. And she knows a ton of the awesome people I used to work with that ex-boss ran off. I just thought that was all really cool, I mean who knew you know? It just goes to show, you never know who knows who!

In other news, hubby is being a complete sweetey lately. He's being a good boy, working full time, being a sweetey when he's here, making plans for us for this weekend, telling me he misses me on the phone during the day(seriously is he trying to get some or something?? There has to be a motive!) Things have just been going really well, even with how he's handling my stress. Our whole relationship we've really had one issue...and that's the fact that when I'm upset, if he doesn't see the reason why, well then there's no issue...no reason to be upset. Because he's not upset. So no one should be. And 99% of the time, I just need someone to tell me "It's going to be alright, don't worry!!" I've NEVER had someone like that. When I was little, I'd get horribly upset about something and run in my room and lay on my bed and cry...just waiting for my mom to come in and hold me and have the heart to heart like you see on those cheesy sitcomes like Full House, and just tell me everything's ok. Do you know how many times she came in my room and did that?? A big fat zero. Not once. I asked her about it when I was older. She told me she just figured I needed my space to be upset and she'd just let me work it out myself. Love my mom, but we are obviously different in a lot of ways. So I've begged my husband to be that person that will hold me and tell me it'll be ok. The other night, I realize all of a sudden that CRAP, if we have another baby we have nowhere to put it. We've only got 2 bedrooms. I started to panic, started to get upset. I didn't want to bring it up, I knew what he'd say...that we needed to wait until we had room, had a bigger house. That's not what I wanted to hear. But I mentioned it, and his answer shocked me. "It's ok, don't worry. We'll just move." Just like that. So simple. We'll move. So guess what. I'm not stressed about it. I'm casually looking, and it's a big task, but I'm not stressed about it! I went to sleep in peace, we're still trying in December, all is right with the world! I have the most wonderful husband ever.

Well I guess I have to update on my test results. They called me today and left a message. From what I could hear through the crackling phone line(cell phones suck booty) the test results were normal. So I guess I'll go to my appt. Tuesday, and we'll go from there. One things for sure, I need something to get rid of these damn headaches. Every single day I get one. It's hard to push through them. Sometimes I can't. I have a bad one coming on now...and a sink full of dirty dishes, a dishwasher full of clean ones, the trash needs to be taken out...SIGH...luckily my wonderful husband said he'd take care of all that when he got home from work, and I took advantage of my mom being here last night and picked up a lot of the house and vacuumed. So it's not that bad. And I'm trying not to stress about it...I'm really trying to stick to the whole "more me time" thing now. So far I'm loving it.

I ate lunch with my sister and her boyfriend(who is now back from Iraq, thank God) today. Didn't stuff myself(pat on the back) and we had a good time...except for my insane father(no really, I mean he's even on disability because they don't think he's fit to be in the workplace) calling because he wanted an answer NOW from my sister about this stupid issue that they really needed time to think about. And he got pissed at me because he could "hear me in the background, I'm not deaf, and you all may be getting older but I'm almost 50 and I could kick your butts"...lovely huh. And for the record, all I said was "tell him we're eating and you'll call him back later." Anyway, it as kind of bittersweet...I'm really glad A is back, but at the same time...he's different. War sucks, I mean it's really horrible. People killing people, scarring the ones that survive for life. Even little things are hard for him now, like being in crowds, or manners...he's lost all manners, being over there that was not something he worried about of course. He burped really loud in the restaurant and he did say excuse me, but I mean it was deliberate. He was never like that before. And he's just not the happy goofy person he was before. He just sat and watched TV and ate like he'd never eaten before. It's just so sad.

I'll end this with a cute Hailey story, because you know I can't go a whole post without bragging about how darn stinkin cute she is. Last night my mom came over because she has to work the next few days and wanted to get her dose of Hailey in to tide her over. She was holding her over by the dishwasher and D and I were in the living room. He was getting ready to leave for work, so he gave me a hug. Hailey saw us, and she kicked her legs and pointed really hard and said "uh!!! MINE!" She was so mad. My mom brought her to us, and she clung to me like a little monkey. She's so selfish with me! She doesn't want anyone else to show me affection, I'm all hers. Makes me feel so special!

And yet another word added to her list...tree. My in-laws gave her a little stuffed palm tree from FL. She carried it around, declaring "my tree." Which sounds like "my tee"...so cute.

When I wake with the sunrise, I want more than just blue skies, I want more than just ok...

So things at the new job are interesting. There are 2 people in our group of 15 that apparently almost no one likes. One is the AP clerk, which I have complete and total sympathy for, after all I used to be an AP clerk and I know what a huge and sucky job it is. Everyone warned me of her when I started. Look out for B, she's mean and she may bite your head off for no reason. Surprise surprise...I've had NO problems with her. She loves me and thinks I'm so sweet and helpful. Because damnit I AM. The other girl(I guess I should say woman) is in kind of an interesting situation, and I really feel that she was unfairly judged and is disliked for the wrong reasons. As it turns out (and I learn more and more pieces of this "soap opera" every day) my boss used to be the head Accountant. When the Assistant Director left, my boss was promoted to that position. Instead of moving the next Accountant in line (there are three total) up to his position, he hired from outside. And it just so happens that the person he hired was his best friend's wife, who doesn't have a WHOLE lot of experience. She makes $60,000.00 a year. Come on! That's NUTS. And I just found out today, she's the boss of "AP B" and the other 2 accountants. Apparently, these are the reasons nobody likes her. They came straight out and said to me, "we don't like H." I thought they were joking at first. Not joking. They say she says "I'm important" and feels she's 3rd in line under the Assistant Director and Director. Ok, big deal. She's a really nice woman. She has a son a month older than Hailey, little H, that is adorable. She talks about her husband some, who she's obviously head over heels in love with. She likes to talk with me about our kids, or clothes or just anything. What's the problem?? I don't see why people don't like her. It's not her fault she got very lucky and had an inside route to an awesome paying job, right?? I say yay for her! I really do like all the people I work with, and that is no exaggeration. I really do. But it irritates me a bit how they sort of pick on these two women. And they all swear they love me and would never talk bad about me etc...but how on earth do I believe them when they're constantly bad-mouthing these other two? H has only been there 5 months now, so she's the other newbie besides me. I understand how she feels, it's hard to start off somewhere new, feel your place out, get people to like you. I don't even know where this post is going...basically it's just hard, because I want the big group to like me, so I have to listen to them talk bad about these other two...although I have told them that I'll be the judge myself of who I like and don't like, and they respect that totally(they are really good people)...I guess I'm just kind of in a hard spot. AP B knows everyone doesn't like her, and she knows they bitch about her to me, so hopefully she sees that I'm genuinely nice to her despite what the others say(I think she does see that in me)...but poor H doesn't have a clue what they think of her yet. I just feel so bad for her. Like today for example. I went into her office to take her her mail and she was crying...her sitter had called and said little H was screaming(keep in mind he's a 14 month old boy!)...and she said since he's not walking(he's crawling everywhere like crazy!!) and he's still eating baby food and he prefers to drink from a bottle, and now he screams randomly, she thinks something is wrong with him physically. !!! What the hell?? Who does that?? Who calls a mom at work and tells her "I think there's something wrong with your kid physically(developmentally)"????? So it upset her. She felt like a bad mom, and felt like God is there something wrong with my kid? I told her she needs to get him out of that place. Apparently they put her through crap like that all the time. She's going to check out Hailey's sitter. Anyway...so she took off at noon to go get him. What mom wouldn't? She ran out to rescue her little boy. I would do the same thing. Well after she left, J comes up to me and comments that she left..."she's sick all the time" she says. That's odd because the whole month + that I've been there she's never left sick... I told her why she left, and what does she say? "Well there could be something wrong with him." And then she left for lunch. ?? It's just so weird. And they judge people from the outside that come into the office too. It's just weird. I'm just not like that. It's a little hard for me to get used to. I'd have to say this is the ONLY thing I don't like about my new job.

By the way, Hailey's got adenoiditis or something like that...she's sick AGAIN. I feel so bad for her. She was doing so well too. Her throat is red/spotty(and no it's not strep) and she's got a fever. That's it. And she's fussy. You can tell her throat hurts, she's just so fussy. My poor baby. So if D can't handle her for the whole day tomorrow I'll have to stay home with her. Which I don't mind of course, but I'm afraid work will get irritated. But D just has no clue what to do with her these days. Honestly it makes me nervous to leave her home with him all day. Not that I don't think she'd survive the day of course, but just because I know he wouldn't feed her when she was hungry because he wouldn't understand when she points at her seat or the cabinet that she's hungry...he doesn't know what little of a routine/schedule that she has. She's not comforted by him when she doesn't feel well because she's not used to him anymore. What if she starts crying and won't stop? Will he remember to give her her medicine on time? He's a great dad, don't get me wrong. He just doesn't know her anymore. It'll take a little bit for him to get re-acquainted with her. And honestly, I've always felt odd leaving her with him. I grew up in a single-parent household. I'm used to the mom doing EVERYTHING. And that's how it is here. I do everything. Aside from a few mornings(which hasn't happened in a LONG time because of tournaments) that he gets up with her for a few hours and feeds her breakfast so I can sleep on a weekend day I do it all. Sometimes my mom helps. But most of the time it's just me. I love it, but it's hard when I need someone elses's help, like D. Nobody knows her like I do, except maybe my mom and the sitter. I really feel more comfortable leaving her at the sitter's than with D all day. Growing up without a dad did kind of scar me. The whole "dad" notion is just so foreign to me. I don't want Hailey to grow up like that too.

Well she's napping, and I'm tired so I'm going to try to lay down. Which means she'll wake up about 15 minutes after I fall asleep. And D's napping of course, because apparently he needs WAY more sleep than I do. SIGH :o)

And it begins...

Most little girls I know are talkers. They'll talk your ear off. Honestly sometimes my niece drives me nuts because she WILL.NOT.SHUT.UP. Hailey is talking non-stop these days. She pops out new words every day. Here is the list, thus far...

~mama
~dada (sometimes shortened to da)
~uh oh
~ite (for bite)
~more(when she wants another bite of something, or when she wants some food...and now she says this while clapping...is that the sign for more or something??)
~mine (oh she loves this one)
~ball
~bird
~boon (for balloon)
~hi (which she says to everyone and every animal, all the time, with a huge smile on her face--and she also loves talking on the phone, telling whoever it is "hi" a bunch and then blabbing a bunch of gibberish)
~hot tea (I got her a plastic mug for Easter and told her it was hot tea, so she goes around trying to find her "hot tea" and sips on it and then says "aaah" like it was good)
~papa (much to the delight of her papa's...she's melting their hearts)
~Gugga (what she calls my mom)
~paci
~bye bye
~fish
~bug
~weee!
~baby
~huh?
~mama kiss
~bub you(love you)
~chalk
~bye
~bayo--pronounced "buy-o"--(in a singy voice, because I sing this to her when I'm rocking her before her naps on the weekends...just like my grandma sang to me)
~shoes(which she loves to wear...and lately her new thing is to wear OUR shoes...she puts them on her feet and wants us to walk her around)...right now she's at the front door playing with all the shoes!

She also sings made up songs, which I find highly amusing and adorable. She still barks "ar! ar!" and growls at every dog. She's wanting to walk everywhere. She loves pushing the cart at WalMart. And she looooooooooooves Cheerios. I think she's gonna turn into a Cheerio. She eats them all day every day. And constantly asks for more. She's also drinking whole milk now, which means I don't have to buy any more formula, YAY!! She also loves brocolli/cheese/rice/tuna casserole that I make, and strawberries and yogurt. And of course goldfish. As we speak, she just dropped her bowl of Cheerios on the carpet, making them fly everywhere, and exclaimed "uh oh!" It's ok, she'll just them off the floor...don't judge me. Something new she's started doing this week that I LOVE, is getting into her own car seat! All I have to do is put her in the seat next to her car seat and she'll climb up and turn around and sit right down for me to buckle her in! Such a good little girl. She STILL will not play by herself, however. She never has been one of those kids that'll sit and play by herself, with her toys, or watch tv...she hangs on me all day, bugging me, wanting me to play with her and entertain her. I love her to pieces, but this gets tiring. It's so hard to get anything done, and it's part of the reason I hardly ever get to get on the computer. As I type this, she's standing at my knees pulling down the screen of the laptop and laughing like crazy. She has all these toys, TONS of toys, and she won't even play with them unless I'm playing WITH her. But my mom said I was the same way as a kid. And I don't mind playing with her. But my house is less than clean/organized and there are piles of clean clothes sitting around everywhere...but frankly I don't care. If all you care about is having a clean house, well sorry but that's just pitiful. With that said, I do have to note that I am purging...is that the right word?? Anyway, I'm getting rid of a lot of crap. I'm taking a bunch of my clothes to a store that will pay me for them and then resell them...I'm doing the same with some of Hailey's things, like this bath seat she refused to ever sit in--I'm taking her stuff to a Children's Orchard. And the rest of the junk I get rid of I'm giving to goodwill. I'm tired of clutter and we just don't have enough storage to keep everything.

Ok on to other things...Thursday my bosses took us all out to lunch at a fancy restaurant. We were gone for 2 hours, the food was amazing, and everyone is so nice! Nothing like the lunches or dinners we'd have w/ the people at the hell hole, where everybody sat not talking and eating their food. Thursday's lunch was actually fun! Everybody talked and laughed, and at the end we ordered 3 huge desserts and everyone passed them around the table and shared.

Ok I have to cut this short and go give Hailey a bath. She was standing in the kitchen sticking her fingers down her throat over and over and over and laughing when it gagged her and then she threw up...LOVELY...see what I mean? This girl is high maintenance. And after she threw up all over her feet and the kitchen floor, she gagged herself some MORE and STILL laughed because it's just SO FUNNY! So off to a bath we go...sigh...

How's this for random

First off, someone asked about the shooting that happened close to here. Two cars full of teens/20 somethings were at an intersection about a mile or so from my house, if that even, on a very busy road. They began exchanging gunfire. A 17 year old was shot. The car he was in fled a few miles down another road where they were stopped by cops for driving too close to a car in front of them. The officer saw the boy in the passenger seat had been shot and radio'd for backup. They then stopped the other car around the original spot that the shooting occured. The 17 year old died. I live in a good area. And this happened right down the road. We aren't safe anywhere anymore. And what gets me is there were all these reports on the news with his family and friends saying the kid that died was such a good kid, such a wonderful kid...but yet he'd been arrested 15 times...at 17 years old...and was shooting at people. But yea he was a great kid...come on! I'm sorry if I seem un-sympathetic. I'm sorry he had to die. But if he wasn't stupid enough to get involved in something like that, he'd still be alive now wouldn't he. And he along with all his other buddies and rivals shouldn't have put other people in danger like that. How freaking selfish can a person be. And what's more, what on earth was so horrible that they had to go and shoot at each other? Seriously? Oh and here's another tidbit of info on these "good kids"...the driver of the car that the 17 year old was riding in was 20 years old and had been arrested 60 times already. 60 times! How does that even happen?? I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. But all I can think about is my daughter. What if we were sitting there at that stoplight. What if a bullet went astray and instead of hitting that hoodlum it hit my daughter...I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for those kids.

Ok onto other things...Hailey threw up twice last night, once on my mom's lap and once after we'd just gotten her cleaned up and got her new jammies on. She didn't have any diarea today, and she hasn't thrown up so far tonight and she's been in bed about an hour. Wish us luck. I hope she's better. I feel so bad for her, she's so tired and she keeps losing out on sleep when she wakes up and throws up. It doesn't seem like the throwing up really bothers her, it's just the lack of sleep. We cancelled her birthday party for tomorrow and we're just going to have a nice restful low key weekend.

I still love my new job. I've already gotten close to some of the girls. Preggo and I can already talk about anything...today we had a conversation about diarea and constipation. :o) I'm so glad I'm fitting in there! Today the only reason I saw my boss at all was because I had to ask him a question about a deposit I was keying...the account code wasn't in the system. Complete opposite of the crap my old boss put me through. She was always up my ass. I love it, I am so happy there!

I am so tired. I'm just worn out. I had a really heavy/late period this month even though I'm on the pill...I think it's sapping my energy...that and I've gotten like no sleep and I've been trying to get crap ready at home for a party that isn't going to happen now. I'm just so tired. My body is achy and worn out. Oh yea and I have another small cold, BLAH...hopefully next week we'll ALL feel better...oh yea hubby has a bad cold too. You know how men are, when they're sick they're OH SO pitiful. I made him go to the dr. today, he doesn't have strep. He still went to school and golf practice. He seems to be feeling better now. He told me he'll get up with Hailey tomorrow morning so I can sleep til 11:30, but then he's got golf practice at 1:30 because his stupid coach doesn't understand why anyone would ever want to spend any time with family...grrr...then Sunday I'll get up with her so he can go turkey hunting that morning with his friend. I'm so looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. YAY!!

I've been thinking about a few things for days and haven't had time to write about them. When I was younger I used to love going to garage sales with my grandma and aunt. We had so much fun. One time I found a floppy stuffed dog, that I still have to this day and treasure like he's alive. Another time I found something that looked like a box of chocolates. It even had pictures of chocolates on the top. It said "Miniatures for Emergencies." Inside the box, in the little cups, were mini rolls of toilet paper! On little mini toilet paper rolls! How cute is that?!?! Ok I have always loved miniature things...everything tiny is so cute. I used to love those shadow boxes that you'd fill with tons of little mini things. I have no idea where this box of mini TPs came from, or what ever happened to it, but I've always thought that was such a funny idea.

Another thing I've been thinking about...nursery rhymes. Specifically, the inappropriatedness of many rhymes for young children. Such as "Boom Boom Ain't It Great to be Crazy"....one of the versus says something along the lines of "Went to a picture show by myself, sat in the very back row and wrapped my arms around my waist...got so fresh I slapped my face!" And another called "The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze"....it talks about how the daring young man sneezed or something and fell and died, and boy isn't that horrible because you can't swing underground! Hailey got a Toddler Songs CD for her birthday, and I've decided half the songs on the CD are totally inappropriate. And what baffles me, is they'll sing about things like that, and they sing songs where a boy tells a girl "marry me and I'll share half my paychecks with you for the rest of my life" but yet in the song "The Animal Fair" they say the monkey bumped a skunk, when the version I always heard growing up said the monkey he got drunk... ok if you're going to talk about getting fresh with yourself in the theater, how horrible it is to be dead, and realities like sharing paychecks...why sensor the drunken monkey???

I'll leave you with the lyrics to The Animal Fair, in case anyone has never heard it. Unfortunately you'll have to imagine your own tune...and by the way this is Hailey's favorite song in the whole wide world...the only thing that used to get her to stop crying when she was little, and it has always made her giggle...she does not, however, like "Joy to the World" in which we sing about Jeremiah the bullfrog, which was one of my favorite songs growing up, so that kind of makes me sad...anyway, here they are...

We went to the animal fair
The birds and the beasts were there
The big baboon by the light of the moon
Was combing his auburn hair
The monkey he got drunk
He sat on the elephants trunk
The elephant SNEEEEEEZED!
And fell to his KNEEEEEEEEEES!
And that was the end of the monk the monk the monk

Ok while I'm at it I have to add that another thing Hailey absolutely loves, and it makes her giggle every single gosh darn time I do it...and she even claps every single time I'm done and then grabs my hands to make me do it again and again and again...is a little ditty that I saw on a video on I think ebaumsworld....it's a cat that somebody has posed and taken pictures of, and he's dancing and it says this little ditty...she loves it. All I do is grab her hands and make her "dance" and say "cat, I'm a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance and I dance dance dance"(repeated twice) "I, do, funny, things to myself when I'm, daaaaaaancing" and on that last part when I say "dancing" I shake my voice and jiggle her little body and she just goes nuts. It may be on youtube. Actually on the video the cat says "I do sexy things to myself when I'm dancing" but of course I edited that to make it G rated. :o) Alright I'm off to bed, I've bored you enough for one evening!!

Look what my baby can do!!

She started standing last night. Just standing up in the middle of the floor. She'll stand up, get so excited, bounce up and down, then sit back down, over and over and over again. She did it today at the sitters too, and would "dance" during circle time. Here is a pic...



And more great news...my boss came up to me today and informed me that HR finished my salary review. They decided that based on my experience, I should be a grade higher and my pay is going to be 31 cents higher than what they had originally hired me at! I'm getting $1.40 more than my old crappy job at the hell hole!!! How awesome is that???? And they are really impressed w/ my knowledge of accounting. Apparently the AP clerk at this place only does the checks, and THAT'S IT...all the other crap I was doing at the other place as well as cks?? The Accountings were doing it at this new place!! So now they're having me do it all, and they're really impressed that they don't have to over explain things to me and that I just know what they're talking about from the start. Apparently I'm not stupid after all!! Today one of the accountants, we'll call her Preggo HG, because she's 13 wks preggo and has that hypermesis grav...ok I don't know how to spell it but Kristin had it...anyway she was showing me how to enter a new vendor onto the system and she was trying to explain why she puts a 7 into the 1099 box. She said "well on the 1099 form box 7 is....is....um..." and I said "it's non-employee compensation" and she just looked at me like WOW and said "yea, that's it" and I told her I did the 1099s at the other place and she said "wow, I do that!" Yea I am totally smart like that. The hell hole was apparently WAY underpaying me for what I was doing. And like I said, I'm awesome.

My new job rocks! And some Rotel...

First off, for those of you who are wondering...Rotel is that brand of diced tomatoes/chilis crap tha comes in a can. It's just called Rotel. And you can get it in various ranges of spice, just like salsa. I buy the milder kind, because I'm a puss. No, because my stomach can't handle spice. Damn IBS. Anyway, onto awesomeness...

So like I said, my new job ROCKS! Answering the phone is NOT hard...and it'll be a piece of cake once I remember who all the various people are(have I mentioned I am SO bad with names??) and this office is so laid back, it is just completely awesome. They're just basically like "whatever" about everything. At my old job I didn't even feel like I could take a shit, I mean I'd get back to my desk and my boss would call..."Erin, I was looking for you..." Me: Yea well, I had to go to the bathroom. "Erin, you were in there for a long time, is everything ok?" Me: Yea well, I had to go to the bathroom. I couldn't even take a crap, it was rediculous. This place people are up talking to each other, joking with each other, doing their work on their own without somebody standing over them watching their every move to make sure they "stay on task." It's going to be really hard for me to get used to. I was really worried because H's 1 year well-visit checkup is this Friday, my FIRST WEEK of my new job. What did my boss say? "Alright that's cool"....he really didn't care. !!!! My old job would have been all "well you need to make the time up, when are you making it up, are you going to be able to make it up, well make sure nobody else is going to be gone at that time." SIGH.....that is a HUGE sigh of relief, that's what that is. I am so happy now. This is the kind of place I dreamed about working. And what's more, these people told me I would be busy, and if today is any sort of indication whatsoever, these people do NOT know what busy is. And I'm getting paid over a dollar more...to be able to take a crap whenever I want, drink the coffee THEY provide(out of their ceramic mugs), drink the Culligan water THEY provide(out of their glass drinking glasses), do my work at my own pace...oh yea and it's jeans day every Friday...oh and birthday days, like this Wednesday, those are jeans days too. And all the people are just so nice. Nobody's stuck up, or suspicious. I've been warned that the Accounts Payable lady can be a bit bitchy...but so far she's been fine to me, and I have to admit I have a special place in my heart for her because she holds the position I held at the Hell Hole...I know what it's like...she won't get to me. I've also been informed that some of the girls hold special girls' nights and some people aren't invited, but that I will be. I cannot stress enough how happy I am right now about this whole thing...finally God answered my prayers and put me in a place that so far seems perfect for me. The only issue right now is my first ck won't be til sometime the first part of May, and w/ D on my ins. I'll be paying like 200$ more a month. But after he's done w/ school this semester he'll be working full time again this summer so he'll be able to get back on the ins. there, and then next semester he can get ins. through school for only 300$ a semester...so hopefully I'll just have to pay for him for 1 month. Oh yea, another perk about this job...they go by days for your hours, not weeks...each day is it's own. So like one day I work 8.5 hrs, I get .5 hrs of OT...although I won't be working extra most likely. And then another day I work 7.5 hrs, either I can take sick or vacation time for that .5 hrs or just not get paid for it and NOBODY CARES. No horrid "occurences" on your record! How awesome is that? How awesome is this whole situation????!?!?!!! Totally awesome.... hehe

Alright so, on to crappier issues, because you know how I love to bitch. Miss H is sick, again. My poor baby. We've both got some kind of coldish crap, but her eyes are all gunky. The sitter's youngest son, a little over a year, got the gunky eyes too and his dr. said it's not pink eye, so that's good. But I think her ear infections have come back because she keeps sticking her fingers down her ear holes again. So I guess I'll just keep her appt for Friday, hopefully she doesn't get any worse before then...I'm afraid tubes are in her future. If I'd had them when I was little I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be partially deaf in my left ear, so if she needs them I'm all for her getting them. I just had really hoped she'd take after D and never have infections. So far it's not looking that way. :o(

Ok I'll end this post w/ something amusing...a convo I overhead between 2 of the little neighbor boys as I was getting a sleeping Miss H out of the car when I got home from work this evening...

Younger boy: "Hey Billy wanna play??"
9 year old: "My step-dad says I've gotta go in in 20 minutes"
Younger boy: "Your step-dad...well where's your real dad?"
9 year old: "My real dad's a girl"
Ok at this point I'm thinking 'Did I just hear that right??'--apparently the younger boy was thinking the same thing...
Younger boy: "He's a what!??!"
9 year old: "My real dad's a GIRL!" (kind of pissed/annoyed tone in his voice)
Younger boy: "How's he a girl?"
9 year old: "He likes men ok?!"
Younger boy: "Well how'd he have you then??"
9 year old: "My mom got with him, they had me, and now he likes men!!"

You never know what you're going to hear...

IBS sucks...and new teeth are finally here!

Well I put in my 2 wks notice this morning. They were very nice about it...I don't know if they're genuinely happy for me or just happy to finally be rid of me. But the guy in HRD(who is my mom's boyfriend) told me thank GOD I'm finally getting out of there, and that he could never work for my dept. for my supervisors. He said my situation was just rediculous. So anyway, that's done with, I can move on and start to prepare for this next phase of my life w/ a different company!!

My IBS is acting up today. I don't have the typical IBS, with diarea(lovely I know), I have the other kind. And it's been acting up all weekend making me super tired and cruddy feeling, and today I just feel BLEGH. I had these sharp pains last night, actually they were in my uterus(sorry if tmi) and it felt exactly like it did when H was making herself at home inside me those first few weeks of my pregnancy. So that got me worried. I just got over a very light 2 wk period though, and I'm on the pill, surely I can't be pregnant? I woke up today feeling nauseous...still feeling nauseous, and SO TIRED lately. But I'm really thinking it's just my IBS. I feel so bloated, it's rediculous. My pants are cutting into my belly, it hurts. I'm going to wait a week or so and see what I feel like then. If it gets worse, I'll take a test. Hopefully it'll get better. I mean I do kind of wish we were at a point in our lives where we could have another baby, but at the same time H is only almost a year old and I want to spoil her first, and also a big factor is money...basically we have none! We just CAN'T have another one til D is out of school! So I'm really hoping it's just the IBS.

Well Miss H's new teeth decided to make their debut yesterday! The left eye tooth on top, and the right middle tooth on top(which I didn't even know was about to come through)...and the other 2 aren't far off, they're big bulges in her gums. So that could be contributing to her snotting...4 teeth coming in at once, wow! I can't believe she's finally getting more teeth, so exciting! Also, I let her try milk for the first time yesterday. So far she takes after me and doesn't like it at all. She'd take a big drink from her sippy and spit it all back out. I tried all day, nope. Finally gave her water instead and she gulped that down. So I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't like milk!

Party went ok yesterday, a bit annoying but not horrible. H was fussy, she had refused to nap until RIGHT before we needed to leave the house. She slept the 30 minutes it took to get there, but that's it. And all day she just wanted me, and for once my inlaws and D's grandparents REALLY bugged the crap out of me. They kept coming up and trying to take her from me, and I just wanted them to leave us the hell alone. Miss H did not feel like socializing. She clung to me every time they'd come up to her, and I would tell them that she's not in a good mood and she doesn't feel like being social and they'd say "oh she's in a great mood, I just want to hold her!!" and they would pry her off of me!!!!!!!! I was so pissed. Finally I took her outside and walked up the long drive to the swingset my BIL just put up for nephew's bday and she swung for a while. But of course her papa had to come up and bug us. Finally I just went back to the house, packed up our stuff and left. My MIL called later and wasn't mean, so I don't think they picked up on my bad mood.

ok I'll add more to this post later...

YEAH for me, I GOT IT!!

YAY, I got a new job!! The guy called me today as I was leaving work and told me he had good and bad news. They hired somebody for the position I interviewed for, that was the bad news. The good news is the person they hired was their bookkeeper, so that position was open now, and he wanted to know if I wanted it. He said they were really impressed with me, and wanted to offer me the job at 12.17 an hour. That's over a dollar more than I get paid now, AWESOME! Just for doing a bookkeeping/receptionist job. I'm so freaking excited, and still in shock. I've worked where I do for 7 years...I started there in highschool. I worked part time at Dillard's a couple years over the holidays, but I've never switched companies like this...it's really exciting and scary at the same time! But I'm mostly excited, and I feel really good about myself. I really thought I wasn't going to get it, and even though I didn't get the one I interviewed for I could care less, it's still a job w/ the school system and it's still in that same office w/ those great people! I get awesome benefits, more pay, nice people/atmosphere...it's going to be great!!

Now it's almost 1am and I'm SO tired...we went w/ the guys to see The Hills Have Eyes 2 tonight. I know I'm NUTS now...WHY did I want to see that movie?? I saw the first one, but I must have been insane to think this one wouldn't be gorrier and scarier. And I'm scared to death to be alone at night when D's out of town, it was just stupid to see that movie. And I have nobody to stay w/ me! Dan's trying to get his friend A to come stay w/ me. He's a nice guy. But I doubt he will. My mom has H for the night, I'm finishing up D's laundry and then we're going to crawl in bed and hopefully I'll be able to sleep in tomorrow. I'm so tired after running around so much this week trying to get those letters of rec. etc. SOOOOOOOO TIRED.