I'm still here

Things have been pretty crazy over the past 4 days. It hasn't been wonderful, I'm not going to lie. I went to the ER Thursday night where they gave me Zofran for my extreme nausea and sent me on my way. That did its trick, thank God...I got home about 5:30am and called my boss and left a voicemail about what happened and how I wouldn't be there that day (I presume this is what I said, although I can't remember any of it) and then I laid down to try to finally get some sleep. I got about an hour of sleep before my alarm went off at 7:30. I called my boss again...again, I don't remember the conversation except her saying something about that happened to her once w/ a cough medicine. Then I called the babysitter to let her know Hailey would be there she'd just be late...I do remember wanting to get off the phone so badly because I was so out of it. Get this...I don't even remember who took my kid to daycare. That's how messed up I was. It was either my mom or my husband. I have no idea. It was a really scary episode that I never want to go through again. I don't understand why anyone would put themselves in that state intentionally whether it be through abusing prescription drugs or using recreational drugs. Seriously, who would WANT to feel so out of it like that? Anyway, I slept Friday morning and watched TLC and Dr. Phil Friday afternoon until D got home with Hailey.

Saturday was actually okay. Hailey woke up with her right eye gummed shut but I just thought it was her cold and cleaned it off for her. I did some housework, played with Hailey, cooked a really good chicken and rice casserole and took some of that to my mom (she's still got this head cold that the rest of us have except she's worse since she has asthma)...and then went to my dad's for the evening to see my sister's new puppy her husband bought for her for her birthday and try to cheer my dad up. He's being served with divorce papers any day now and knows they're coming so he's pretty down again. Hailey had had diarea for about a week at that point...she had a huge blowout before we left my dad's. I had to give her a bath there it was so bad. Thank God I had extra clothes for her. By the time we got home my left ear was so clogged I couldn't hear out of it.

Sunday Hailey woke up with both eyes gummed shut. I woke with both ears clogged so I could barely hear at all. We had a low key day. Hailey still wasn't eating much but she didn't poop all day either so that was good.

Yesterday, thank GOD we had off work already. I woke up feeling like absolute CRAP. I had a full blown head cold/sinus infection again. Luckily last time I had a sinus infection I was bad and only took like 1 day's worth of my antibiotics so I had almost a full week of that left. I started that and called my dr. No appointments til Friday. Wasn't I just saying she was wonderful? Yea, I'm starting to second guess that...they told me to go to the convenience clinic. That's why I have a dr., so I don't have to go there. Anyway they told me to try Mucinex. I had to take Hailey to the dr. She has pink eye in both eyes and an ear infection. I am at my wits end. It's just one thing after the other lately. I have no idea where she got pink eye, nobody else has it. And we're so good about hand washing and all that. I don't know, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. Luckily Hailey's diarea was gone today, my left ear opened up somewhat and my sinus pressure lessened after I took a nap.

Then last night I had a really hard time getting Hailey to sleep. She kept sitting up and pointing at her door saying "The door Mommy, the door" and if I tried to sit up to look she'd say "Lay back down!" and sort of freak out. I finally got her to sleep and got to sleep myself about 11:30. By 12:30 D was in our room holding her, saying she'd woken up and was insisting on laying down w/ me in her bed. I took her in there. At first she was okay. Then she started freaking out. She begged to go lay down w/ us in our bed. I told her she had to stay in her own bed. She finally settled down but then would cry every 15 minutes or so. I finally got out of her room at 3:30 am and went to bed. I had the monitor on because my head is still clogged and I heard her wake up every 20 minutes or so crying or talking. One time she said "No, I don't like it! I don't like it!" and then went back to sleep. I'm not sure if the eye drops were hurting her eyes even though she repeatedly told me no when I asked her, or if she's starting to have nightmares or night terrors, whatever they're called. I kind of wondered when she was pointing towards her door...D had the dining room light on to do homework and you could see it through the cracks of the door. I normally have the light off. I don't know if this scared her, or what. Her favorite movie these days is Monsters Inc. In the beginning it shows a monster creeping out of the closet door to scare a kid. I think it looks like it would scare her. She's always acted like she thinks it's okay, and then funny when he falls on the jax and hurts his rear end. But maybe w/ the light coming in around her door last night she started putting 2 and 2 together in her little head and got scared? I don't know. All I know is neither one of us really slept last night.

This morning was horrible. I am so upset, for so many reasons. One, she fought her eye drops really bad. She was hysterical. I tried pinning her down, nothing worked. I can pin her down and shove medicine down her throat no problem. But because I can't stand to have anything touch my eye, I could only try for so long to do eye drops on her before I broke down bawling. I hate putting her through that. She was so scared and mad and upset. I called my boss and told her I was going to be late to work. I woke up D and told him what was going on. He had to pin her whole body down and help me pry her eyes open. We finally got it done. The poor thing was still so upset. You could tell her feelings were hurt. She's been telling me so much lately that she loves me, out of nowhere and with such emotion that it almost brings me to tears. I love it. This morning, I could tell by the look in her eyes, she was really hurt. And that hurts me. To make her feel hurt and betrayed like that. I'm supposed to be her safe haven, the person that keeps her from harm. And here I had my legs wrapped around her, trying to pry her eyes open while finally losing it and yelling at her to stay still because Mommy had to go to work or I'd get in trouble. AAAAH! I hate this. It's just not fair. If I hadn't of had to go to work I could have let her sleep in, wake up rested and be more receptive to the drops. She wouldn't be at daycare right now exhausted and feeling like crap, wanting her Mommy. This morning after it was all said and done and she was cuddling in D's lap whimpering while I tried to get dressed...I just lost it. I started bawling. I told D that I've had it. That as soon as we can I have to quit working because it's just not fair to her or to me. I told him I don't care if we have a nice house or nice cars. I cannot do this anymore. I try really hard to hold it all together, but when I've got a sick baby wanting her Mommy and I have to pawn her off on other people because work is getting mad because I'm gone so much, it just gets to a point where I can't handle it anymore. It breaks my heart. And nobody at my work cares what's going on. How I'm feeling, how she's feeling...I don't fit in to their little clique. They all talk behind my back. Even the ones I thought I got along with, as I found out this morning. I got to work this morning 30 minutes late. I was already feeling like I was going to burst into tears at any moment and then I get an email from the completely anal secretary, or building "mom" as I call her that ended with this:

Miscellaneous
One last thing that I have been asked to bring to everyone's attention is that when food is brought in for all of us to share, please use either a napkin, tongs, or other utensil to select an item with. Do not touch an item with your hands if you are not taking it. With as many people as we have in our office, it seems like there is always someone (or their kids) sick, so let's try to minimize the spreading of those germies!

This was directed right to me. Which really really hurts. I had suspected it, but for them to announce it to everyone like that in a building-wide email...that just wasn't necessary. We are scheduled for certain goody days and on my days they never eat what I bring. Then one day the girl that used to be pregnant and have HG said she wanted a scone that another building had brought for us. I was going back there to get some water and I offered to help her move them to another tray because the other building wanted their tray back that evening. I washed my hands really well and while she washed a third tray I moved them onto one of the trays we already had. I even commented on how I wash my hands so much they are so dry they hurt, because I didn't want her to think it was gross that I was touching all of them. After I had moved them all, she made the comment "I think I'm just going to have my leftover bagel" and then walked off. I even told my mom what happened that day, and how I really thought that she didn't eat one just because I'd touched them. I had a cold at the time, but ok I had just washed my hands really well and I barely touched them! With 2 fingers, just long enough to plop them on the other tray. The next day a few of them were gone, but most of them were thrown away. What hurts is this is one of the girls I talk to on a regular basis. That I thought liked me. But apparently my suspicions were true. I had a feeling she went and told the others what had happened so they wouldn't eat them. Then we get that email today and I know that it was directed at me. I'm one of the very few that has little kids and I'm the one that touched all the scones. From now on, when it's my turn to bring for goody day I'm not wasting my time cooking some nice dessert that they're not even going to eat. I'll just buy something cheap. One time I bought nice frozen chocolate pies and nobody even ate those! I mean these were good expensive pies! If they make a comment when I bring in a package of store made cookies I'll just say I didn't want to get them sick from my daughter's germs. But what really bites my ass is the fact that in this same email, the lady makes the comment that if you use the dishes in the lunch room you need to help unloading the dishwasher. I'm one of the few that don't help with this because I rarely use the dishes and I didn't want to touch them all and possibly infect them with my germs, seeing as how they obviously think I'm gross since they never eat the food I bring in. So, I'm not supposed to touch their food, but I am supposed to touch the dishes they're going to eat said food off of? Riiiiiight. That makes a whole lot of sense. I'm not talking to any of them anymore. I'm done. Monthly birthday lunches? Screw that. I've got errands to run. I'm sick and tired of them treating me like a disgusting outcast...because what, I rent my home and none of them do...I am poor, and they're all swimming in money...I wear older clothes, they've all got a wardrobe full of new fashionable outfits. Whatever. They don't even know me...they don't even try to get to know me. They don't like the other new lady either, because she's an older lady that doesn't care about fashion or money and is, get this, "too helpful." The only person that doesn't act like I'm disgusting is my boss. She's pregnant and she even asked to use my Chapstick last week when I had a cold. I assured her I hadn't used it in weeks so it would be okay and she really didn't seem too overly concerned. Anyway, the point of my rambling is I'm hurt.

And I haven't started yet even though it's already Tuesday. I switched to a new brand this last month, I'm praying to God that's the reason. I'm sorry I know babies are great and all, but I will be devastated if I'm pregnant. That is just so not what I need right now...and I don't want a repeat of how my life went when I got pregnant with Hailey. I wanted the next time to be different.

Sorry for the huge pity party but things are just bad right now. Hopefully they start to get better from here on out.

Cymbalta SUCKS

I'm up at 3:30 in the morning...what's wrong with that??? I'm freaking out. That medicine does NOT agree with me. I woke up feeling frantic and wide awake. I'm shaky, sometimes dizzy, and I just feel AAAHHH! like I'm freaking out. I am not feeling like myself at all. I called the hospital because on webmd it says if you're feeling like this to let your dr. know immediately. The dr. on call for my dr. told me I can't take this medicine anymore and if I am feeling like this I need to go to the ER. I feel horrible, I had to call and wake my mom up to take me. I can't drive like this. I could barely walk across the house without feeling like I was going to trip. I HATE this feeling, this is horrible!!! I want it to go away, I want to be back to my old self again!! The dr. said that could take 2 to 3 days! :( This is why I don't like trying new drugs. I react to things pretty strongly and the last antidepressant they tried to put me on for pain made me feel well sort of like this now that I think about it. I am exhausted yet I feel like I could just run around in circles a million times and talk a mile a minute non stop. Frantic, is that the word???? All yesterday I felt like I was going to throw up and then in the afternoon I started to feel like I was going to pass out and I was dizzy off and on. I still took my 2nd pill at 11:00 because supposedly those are side effects that go away with use. Ok I'm not depressed, I don't need my mood altered! I would rather have my joints throbbing in pain than feel like I'm high as a kite! Seriously this sucks.

Not to mention the fact that NOW I find out that this drug can be addictive and when you take it for a while and then go off it you have withdrawal symptoms. ????? WTF? Ok this just isn't for me. Maybe it helps some people but...I don't need that sort of help(nothing wrong with you if you do, don't get me wrong).

The dr. said they may be able to give me something at the ER to help speed up the wearing off process. I just want to feel normal again.

Update

Well the meeting yesterday went very well. Aside from having to croak at people and some of them looking at me like I had 3 heads, it went great! We had 65 people show up...we'd planned on 64, and 1 didn't show but 2 extras came...65 people is an awesome turnout! And the majority of them had all the info we needed...and the ones that didn't were very nice about it. I got to leave at 6:30 on the dot, so I didn't get home too late. It's too bad that sort of thing isn't part of my normal job, I actually enjoyed it!

Today I'm back to my "cave" as all of us have come to call it. My office is dark, I'm tucked back in a corner. I talked to J, one of the women in the dept. I helped w/ the meeting last night...she said that everybody was so used to avoiding this office altogether because of the crotchity old lady that used to work here biting their heads off...so everybody's just in the habit of being scared of this area. I told her I get so lonely in here and really started to feel like nobody wanted to talk to me anymore! She assured me that was not the case.

Well unfortunately, this is definately a chest cold. I now know I got it from my boss...she told me today she's had this throat/cough issue for 2 weeks now. Me and D both have it, and it's moved into our chests. We're both coughing up green gunk. And he doesn't have insurance. I'm going to the dr. this afternoon since the crap I'm coughing up is green nasty stuff(which means I can FINALLY get my dumb dr. to refill my heart pills for another year, JEEZ)...luckily he's going to the convenience clinic tomorrow for a physical for school, and his dad's taking him(which means his dad is paying, not being he needs his daddy there for any reason) so thank God...that way they can look at him for his chest cold while he's there as well as doing the physical, and they can give him some meds. Hailey is still doing great, thank God so far she seems to have not gotten the brunt of it. She just has a runny nose and coughs a bit. Last night I snuck her vaporizor in her room because she started coughing in her sleep, and she was better the rest of the night. She woke up in a great mood this morning. She took her big Shrek stuffed animal(the one that Uncle A bought her for her birthday before he went back to Cali) to school this morning. It's as big as she is, but she wouldn't let go of it. She even put Shrek "night night" on the couch this morning. She's so funny.

Wendy I am trying the Monistat...hopefully it works as well on Hailey as it did on Lani! I tested a tiny bit of it on her hip/leg last night overnight, since she has such sensitive skin, and it didn't bother her...so this morning I slathered it all over her rash. How often did you put it on Lani, like twice a day? I figured I'd do once in the morning and once at night??

Halls Mentho-lyptus Cherry Flavor

That's what I've been eating all day. I have another sore throat! Apparently, the sore throat I had over the weekend was not in fact allergies, like I'd thought. D informed me last night he now has a sore throat...and now I have one again. It's even swollen, which makes it a bit hard to breathe. So that pretty much sucks. D said I should have warned him, so he would have stayed away and not gotten it. HELLO!!! How could I not have warned him? Everybody knows I love to complain. I don't knowingly do it, but complaints flow out of my mouth along with the rest of my verbal diarea. Gawd that's an awful term isn't it? Verbal diarea? Am I even spelling diarea right??? Anyway...I talk a LOT, and I have a lot to complain about, so complaints are just a part of my everyday life. I complain that I'm tired repeatedly, annoying the crap out of my mom more than she lets on. I complain that my hips hurt, or my arms ache, or my head hurts, or my stomach, or I'm constipated, or my throat hurts..... Ok in my defense, I'm not that healthy of a person. I DO have a lot to complain about. I have physical issues that most people don't. I mean don't get me wrong, I don't have some life-threatening disease (thank God) but I do have a lot of medical issues. And part of my way of dealing with them is to complain a lot. So, how on EARTH did he not know my throat hurt when he spent the whole weekend with me?? Has he really learned to tune me out that well after 8 years of putting up with my whininess?? Is that even a word?? Anyway...it's his fault for ignoring my complaints. Bet he won't do that again! HEHE! So anyway...now my throat hurts again, so here I am complaining about it. I'm convinced I get sick so much because of my compromised immune system. I have psoriasis(only on my scalp thank GOD, and it's not gross like it can be...) and that is an immune disorder. That explains why I have such a hard time healing too. Which explains why I'm so terrified of being injured. Anyway. So I'm sick again, that sucks. Oh while we're on the topic...I have been drinking tons of water today, way more than usual. I'm almost done with my 3rd big glass, and I had a big glass of caffiene free tea at lunch. And I don't feel like I need to pee at all. ???? How weird is that??

On a more positive note, my friend is coming over tonight to see us, YAY!! Don't worry, I'm not like coughing and hacking, she won't get my cold. It's just a sore throat. And I'm tired. Anyway, it's a good thing I cleaned last night. Apparently my friend J and I had made plans for tonight a long time ago, and I didnn't remember! She emailed me today and asked if she could still come over. My house is clean, sure come right on over!! She's all excited to see Hailey too, which I feel bad about...Hailey doesn't know her, she's not going to go right up to her and start talking. She'll sit on my lap, mum's the word until J leaves and she'll let loose being the little sassy monkey that she is. Speaking of monkeys, Hailey was jumping on the couch last night! I mean not holding on, both feet coming off the couch, flying up in the air everywhere jumping. It was hilarious, but so dangerous! I finally got desperate after she demanded I leave her the heck after I repeatedly tried to protect her from falling...and got out her Jumperoo. She sat in it watching Shrek...she acted like it was some funky hammock. She did not, however, jump. Anyway, it should be a fun night tonight.

We've started sort of looking for new places around town to move. Once D graduates this coming May who knows where we'll end up for him to be able to get a job. So we can't renew our lease on the townhouse I've grown to love and Hailey has become comfortable in. We have to renew in February, but our lease isn't up until July! So if we renew then find out in June we have to move away, we're screwed on our lease. They won't break it. But it sucks because if we don't renew and he finds a job here in town, we still have to move. It sucks either way basically. But the prospect of moving to a new(hopefully bigger) place is excited. We have 1200 sqft now w/ 2 beds 2 baths, but we have no storage space. My mom's boss owns rental properties over by my mom, 3 beds w/ garages! For only 50$ more than what we're paying now! Course that doesn't include cable like the place we're at, but still. Without daycare costs we should be able to afford that easy...you'd think anyway. We'll see.

Hello Monday

Well this weekend was really nice. I got in some much needed time with my husband, just hanging out around the house together and being a normal family. It has definitely changed my perspective on things.

This weekend was a little odd at the same time though. I’m still so worn out. I don’t know why. I used to be fine going to bed at 11 or 12 and getting up at 7:30 with Hailey. Now, I go to bed at 11 and she sleeps til 9, which means I get 10 hours of sleep…and I’m still so tired. I haven’t been doing as much around the house. My floors desperately need vacuumed, but I just haven’t had the energy. I haven’t been picking up her toys like I usually do at the end of every day. It’s just weird. I can’t seem to shake this exhaustion, no matter what I do. And I feel bad. Because although my mom says it’s good for Hailey to have a nice relaxing weekend at home with us, I still feel like I should be down on the floor with her trying to color or something like that…not letting her wander around playing all by herself. I’ve always been like that though, I feel bad if I take a day for me to just lay around or do chores…I feel like I’m neglecting her. I know I need to get over that. But still…and I’ve also been snapping at her sometimes. Not bad, but like on Sunday we went to a place to eat here in town because we had gift certificates. She’s usually so good at this place. Granted, she hadn’t had a nap yet and it was 12:30. But I was still shocked at how much of a tantrum she threw when it was time to sit down and eat. She refused to sit in her booster. She knocked the ketchup onto the seat, splattering it everywhere. She knocked her milk down, splattering that everywhere. I was at my wits end. I was starving, I really wanted to eat because I was feeling sick, and here she was being such a little turd. And D’s just sitting there helpless as I struggle to control her...he has no idea how to handle her when she’s like that. I felt like people were looking at me like I was a bad mom…these people sitting there with their well behaved kids, not throwing anything and eating peacefully and quietly. At one point I almost lost it, so I grabbed her off the seat and stormed off…I had no idea what I thought I was going to do or where I was going to go…so I just decided to go get more napkins. It diffused the situation a little bit, but not enough to where she was well-behaved. I was very glad when we were done, and very thankful that D didn’t utter a single word of criticism on how I was handling our child through the whole meal. He was on my side for once, and it was nice. We took her home and put her down for a nap, and I laid down for one myself. She only slept for an hour though. What’s the deal, Saturday she didn’t take a nap AT ALL, and yesterday for only an hour???? I guess we’ll see how she does this week. But when I woke up to her crying yesterday D had already gotten her out of her crib and she was crying for me. From the hallway I heard him telling her “No Hailey mommy’s trying to take a nap, Daddy’s here now” and she just wouldn’t let up, so I gave up and went in there and took her. I love the mommy-daughter bond we’ve got going, but sometimes I really wish D would be able to handle her and comfort her like I can. But most of the time she just wants me and only me. After dinner last night I got REALLY dizzy. I couldn’t even walk, let alone pick her up. And she got a case of the poops, which she wouldn’t let D change either time. I had to have him hold her down while I tried my best to change her, bracing myself so I wouldn’t fall over. I have no idea what was going on. It was like I had just spun in circles and I was dizzy and couldn’t see straight. It lasted til I went to bed. I woke up still a little dizzy this morning. Now I just feel incredibly nauseous. I feel like I need something else in my stomach besides yogurt, but the only thing that I feel like I could keep down is soup and a sandwich from this café near here…which oddly enough, is one of the few things I could eat while I was pregnant with Hailey in the beginning. So I’m going to lunch early to miss the lunch time rush there. Seriously if I wasn’t on the pill I would swear I was pregnant. But I don’t think the nausea and dizziness kicked in with Hailey til I was a good 5-6 weeks, at which time I was already having the cramping which I do not have now. I was on that antibiotic, which lessens the effectiveness of the pill, but I think the timing was all wrong for that to happen. Plus, by timing, I should just now be ovulating if I was going to ovulate…so unless I got pregnant last month while on the pill and then had a light 3 day period…something else is wrong with me. That would be all I need right now…and to make matters worse, my mom brought me some decongestants on her way to work this morning and she asked me if I was pregnant. ????? Thanks Ma. I cannot be pregnant right now, I just can’t. The timing is so bad, it would be just like last time. Nobody would be happy. And I am just not ready for that. We have a lot of stuff to sort out first. But I really don’t think I am anyway, so that’s good…but I do feel like something’s wrong with me, and I’m sick of it. I wish I had a better dr. so I could get to the bottom of it after all this time. What the heck could be going on?? I’ve searched WebMD to death and come up with nothing. I have all these weird symptoms but I can’t find anything that encompasses all of them. I’m just sick of feeling like crap!!

Sticky

It's HOT outside. The kind of hot where you walk outside and feel like you've just walked into an oven. It's hard to breathe. It feels like suffocating. Tonight, I'm shaving my legs...it's capris for me the rest of the week.

So here's a brief rundown of last week:

Monday: Hailey has a rash on her feet that she insists I itch when I get her up in the morning. I obviously can't take her to the sitter since it may be something contagious. Dr. appt. not til 11:45...just great. So I take the whole day off. He says it's a sweat rash, she's fine, even though I tell him she was exposed to strep last week--a 2 yr. old girl, her only symptoms being a rash and a fever...

Tuesday: Hailey goes back to the sitter. All seems well with the world. My MIL takes Hailey and I shopping for a scrapbook and accessories for our 1 year wedding anniversary(so excited about this, although I have next to no ideas whatsoever--Help Wendy!!) When we get home, I discover although she's acting fine, Hailey's running a fever.

Wednesday: Hailey's fever is almost 103, I make another dr. appt for sometime this morning. MAKE them do a strep test. Dr. says if he went to Vegas he'd bet money on her NOT having strep. 10 minutes later he comes back in the room and says "Well, that's why we do the test, she's got strep"...thank you--I'm sorry but a mother knows...and here my husband was so pissed at me for making them swab her throat when he just KNEW she didn't have it because the Dr. said she didnt. Anyway, they gave her a prescription for Keflex and sent us on our way. I made myself a dr. appointment to have a strep test done. It came up negative.

Thursday: She's still not any better. More time off work. I'm thinking my throat is starting to hurt a bit.

Friday: I'm in full blown strep. By this evening I can barely breathe. I called the dr. and they called me in a prescription. My mom was supposed to take Hailey to her house to give me time to rest. I wouldn't let her leave though, because D wasn't home and I was seriously afraid my throat was going to swell even more and I wouldn't be able to breathe. After a vaporizor and massive doses of medicine and hot tea I could breathe again although I still hurt like hell ALL OVER. By this evening Hailey's fever is gone.

This weekend was...a horrible weekend. I don't even feel like posting about it. Hailey's fine, although Saturday her rash blew up and it's now covering her whole body. D kept her home this morning and the dr. office called me back saying they changed their minds and DO in fact want to see her to make sure it's not a reaction to her medicine. My mom's taking her, seeing as how I have no more time off work left after last week. And MY.HEAD.IS.POUNDING. Tonight I have to do massive amounts of laundry. I have a mountain in my bathroom, bedroom and kitchen(as that's where the laundry facilities are)...I do not know how we make so much laundry, seeing as how we're just a little family of 3. I have decided when we get to be a family of 5 or so, I am investing in a 2nd washer/dryer set. :o)

Even under the circumstances I'm trying to have a positive outlook on the week. Thursday at lunch I should be able to start to read Harry Potter, since we're back to 1 hour lunches again at work. I'm going to slowly start going through all the clutter in my house and weeding it out, along with all of our clothes.

Hailey has been talking up a storm, as usual. She continues to amaze us every day, with the new words she says and how she strings sentences together seemingly out of nowhere. She's doing really well with the words "I, he, me, my" etc. She'll say "he my papa" and things of that sort. She's also saying something that sounds like "It's a..." as in "It's a airplane!" It's amazing to me that she can pick these words/phrases up just from hearing others talk, and then without needing any explanation whatsoever on the meaning, use them correctly. She's loving telling me "get up!"(while tugging on my sleeve or pant leg) while I'm trying to sit on my butt for ONCE. She's still doing great with her new bedtime routine, although we've cut out the toothbrushing for now. She continues to fall asleep every night while being read to, and she is even letting me read long books/stories to her now which I'm loving. And she seems to love all the same books I did as a little girl, so it's really neat to be able to take my old books and experience them all over again through her eyes. She's also working on physical movements. She loves brushing her hair, exclaiming "pretty hair!" and along with running she's also learned to stretch and march and stand on one foot(we're working on her balance on this one). Her Curious Buddies movie Let's Move has really taught her a lot of that stuff. Last night while one of the songs was playing we were in the bathroom brushing her hair(because she had gotten the brush out of the drawer) and she started doing the movements to the song! She wasn't even looking at the TV screen and just by the words she knew what to do. This was the first time I have ever seen her do that. It says "Shaka shake your hands hands hands" and she did that, and then it says something like "shake your hands down low low low, how low can you go go go, do the shakorama go go go" and she bent over and started shaking them by the floor...and then it says "shake your hands up high high high, way up to the sky sky sky" etc. and she did that too. And then the same with her feet, head, and body. This was just one of those things that really struck me...wow she's a KID now!

Strep Throat

Hailey and I have strep throat, so we've been home sick all week. Hopefully we'll be better by Monday and be able to get back to our normal routine. She's been on antibiotics for 2 days now and her fever is finally going down...my throat just started to swell today so I can't even eat, but my dr. finally called me in a prescription so hopefully I'll be on the mend as well soon. We're SO ready to be better and able to have fun again!!!

I just want someone to say to me, I'll always be there when you wake...I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today, so stay with me and I'll have it made...

The last 30 minutes of work today were awesome. I'm talking to the Director of my dept., which I never really have before, and I find out that she lives in a little town about 20 minutes from here that my OLD boss lives in. I mean the boss I had before I got the shitty boss, the lady I loved that was so nice and I'd babysit her kids every now and then. That one. Anyway, it turns out she does know her, and she was updating me on how she was doing these days etc., and it turns out she knows a few other people I know, which is really neat. So the conversation is going really well. Then I mention that my exboss(the shitty one...are you following??) had hired a couple people she knew from her town and even THEY left because she was such a crappy boss. "What's your ex-boss's name?" she asks. I tell her. She says "Oh REAlly"...uh oh...I said "Oh no, you know her? Guess I need to stop trash talking her then!" And what does she say? You're not going to believe this...she says that ex-bosses family are all like her, think they know everything and you can't tell them anything. WTF!! How awesome is that. She said she used to work at the bank in my ex-boss's town, and that her family were always coming in saying the bank screwed something up. She said it was always their fault, never the banks, but they'd never listen. So one time they say that they have a relative that's a CPA and they're going to send her in. Director lady thinks to herself, yes finally someone who will understand what I'm saying. So they sent my ex-boss in, and of course she denies everything Director Lady says and basically calls her a liar! HELLO, sound familiar here people? Director Lady said she LOATHED when she'd see ex-boss come in the doors! I told Director Lady, "Ok so you know what I've been dealing with the past 4 years!!" She completely understood. How awesome is that?!?! Director Lady, the person I really need to impress, completely understands the misery that was my old job. And she knows a ton of the awesome people I used to work with that ex-boss ran off. I just thought that was all really cool, I mean who knew you know? It just goes to show, you never know who knows who!

In other news, hubby is being a complete sweetey lately. He's being a good boy, working full time, being a sweetey when he's here, making plans for us for this weekend, telling me he misses me on the phone during the day(seriously is he trying to get some or something?? There has to be a motive!) Things have just been going really well, even with how he's handling my stress. Our whole relationship we've really had one issue...and that's the fact that when I'm upset, if he doesn't see the reason why, well then there's no issue...no reason to be upset. Because he's not upset. So no one should be. And 99% of the time, I just need someone to tell me "It's going to be alright, don't worry!!" I've NEVER had someone like that. When I was little, I'd get horribly upset about something and run in my room and lay on my bed and cry...just waiting for my mom to come in and hold me and have the heart to heart like you see on those cheesy sitcomes like Full House, and just tell me everything's ok. Do you know how many times she came in my room and did that?? A big fat zero. Not once. I asked her about it when I was older. She told me she just figured I needed my space to be upset and she'd just let me work it out myself. Love my mom, but we are obviously different in a lot of ways. So I've begged my husband to be that person that will hold me and tell me it'll be ok. The other night, I realize all of a sudden that CRAP, if we have another baby we have nowhere to put it. We've only got 2 bedrooms. I started to panic, started to get upset. I didn't want to bring it up, I knew what he'd say...that we needed to wait until we had room, had a bigger house. That's not what I wanted to hear. But I mentioned it, and his answer shocked me. "It's ok, don't worry. We'll just move." Just like that. So simple. We'll move. So guess what. I'm not stressed about it. I'm casually looking, and it's a big task, but I'm not stressed about it! I went to sleep in peace, we're still trying in December, all is right with the world! I have the most wonderful husband ever.

Well I guess I have to update on my test results. They called me today and left a message. From what I could hear through the crackling phone line(cell phones suck booty) the test results were normal. So I guess I'll go to my appt. Tuesday, and we'll go from there. One things for sure, I need something to get rid of these damn headaches. Every single day I get one. It's hard to push through them. Sometimes I can't. I have a bad one coming on now...and a sink full of dirty dishes, a dishwasher full of clean ones, the trash needs to be taken out...SIGH...luckily my wonderful husband said he'd take care of all that when he got home from work, and I took advantage of my mom being here last night and picked up a lot of the house and vacuumed. So it's not that bad. And I'm trying not to stress about it...I'm really trying to stick to the whole "more me time" thing now. So far I'm loving it.

I ate lunch with my sister and her boyfriend(who is now back from Iraq, thank God) today. Didn't stuff myself(pat on the back) and we had a good time...except for my insane father(no really, I mean he's even on disability because they don't think he's fit to be in the workplace) calling because he wanted an answer NOW from my sister about this stupid issue that they really needed time to think about. And he got pissed at me because he could "hear me in the background, I'm not deaf, and you all may be getting older but I'm almost 50 and I could kick your butts"...lovely huh. And for the record, all I said was "tell him we're eating and you'll call him back later." Anyway, it as kind of bittersweet...I'm really glad A is back, but at the same time...he's different. War sucks, I mean it's really horrible. People killing people, scarring the ones that survive for life. Even little things are hard for him now, like being in crowds, or manners...he's lost all manners, being over there that was not something he worried about of course. He burped really loud in the restaurant and he did say excuse me, but I mean it was deliberate. He was never like that before. And he's just not the happy goofy person he was before. He just sat and watched TV and ate like he'd never eaten before. It's just so sad.

I'll end this with a cute Hailey story, because you know I can't go a whole post without bragging about how darn stinkin cute she is. Last night my mom came over because she has to work the next few days and wanted to get her dose of Hailey in to tide her over. She was holding her over by the dishwasher and D and I were in the living room. He was getting ready to leave for work, so he gave me a hug. Hailey saw us, and she kicked her legs and pointed really hard and said "uh!!! MINE!" She was so mad. My mom brought her to us, and she clung to me like a little monkey. She's so selfish with me! She doesn't want anyone else to show me affection, I'm all hers. Makes me feel so special!

And yet another word added to her list...tree. My in-laws gave her a little stuffed palm tree from FL. She carried it around, declaring "my tree." Which sounds like "my tee"...so cute.