Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Almost bedtime

I think things are finally getting back to normal with Miss H. She was actually in bed before 10 tonight, thank God. She fell right to sleep with her bottle like normal.

True to her Native American heritage, Miss H makes the traditional noise with her mouth and hand. She's been doing it for a while now by moving the back of her hand back and forth across her mouth. Now she loves for us to move her hand for her so she makes the noise really fast...if you don't do it she'll grab your hand and put it up to her mouth and then start making the noise.

Tonight while I was watching her eat dinner she pointed at my shirt(that has a buddha head on it, it's just an old night shirt) and said "man" clear as day. Of course she wouldn't say it again, so it was probably just a fluke, but how weird! And then I entertained her for the next 20 minutes, even though I feel like complete crap, by doing every dance that I know right there in the kitchen(which honestly isn't many, I'm not a big dancer)...she LOVES the running man. When I would stop dancing she'd shake back and forth and dance in her chair, like "keep going mom!" So I'd dance some more, and she'd laugh and smile. How great is that??

Looks like we're supposed to get some storms by a little after 11:00...right now they're pretty severe, golfball to baseball size hail, possibly tornadic...God I hope we don't get anything.

Expressive Jargon

Got this in our 46th week developmental email today, it fits Miss H pretty well!

"Expressive jargon" describes the nonsensical and imitative sounds babies make to resemble meaningful speech patterns. Even if you don't understand her babbling, talk to her and look her in the eye as if you were holding a real conversation. She'll be tickled by your response!


A huge turkey w/ the longest beard I have ever seen(on a live one) almost walked in front of my car this morning. I flipped out and put on the breaks and he just turned around slowly and sauntered back into the ditch. I see turkeys all the time, but it’s not every day that 1. I almost hit one w/ my car and 2. it’s got a freaking LONG ass beard! You could tell this guy thought he was a STUD. He did have very shiny pretty feathers, and dang what a long beard!

Well I found out yesterday at the dr. that I DO in fact have a sinus infection. And it looks like I have a lovely head cold on top of that. I got amox. so hopefully the infection will go away soon. I didn’t go to work yesterday and I slept off and on from 1 til 4:15 and felt even worse when I woke up than I did when I laid down. So that pretty much sucks, and I still feel like crap today too but had to come to work. My co-workers are telling me to just go home…but they don’t understand, it’s just not that simple.

Ok so it was another big night for Miss H. She demonstrated to me how she can now put her big plastic coins in the slot on her talking piggy bank. I was very proud! Also, while I was videotaping us rolling around on the floor, out of nowhere she just stood up. Again! She just stood there. On the tape you can see her chest and head only, so you can’t tell she’s standing except I’m yelling “oh my gosh look you’re standing up on your own, H you’re standing!” LOL And then she plopped down on her butt, and then stood up again and this time she bounced! She bent her knees and bounced up and down, while standing by herself. I was shocked! Again, you couldn’t really tell on the tape that she was standing by herself because I was so close to her, dangit! It’s so funny to see her just standing there all by herself! Now we’re just waiting for her to take steps…I think it’ll be a while, but it will be so neat and weird to see our little baby walking. Also I’ve noticed she’s really starting to mimic even more than she used to. For quite a few months now if another baby was crying she would fake cry. But now she’s even mimicking us. Last night D was being a butt while I was on the phone w/ him and Miss H was in her highchair eating. I hung up the phone and slammed it down on the kitchen counter and turned around, and Miss H made a mean face and slammed her hand down on the highchair tray. I burst out laughing. It’s hilarious to see her doing what I do like that, and it’s weird to think she actually understands enough of what we’re doing to mimic it now. Also I got really frustrated and cried a bit and she started making the pouty face and whimpering. She’s just too stinking smart and cute! She’s 10 and a half months old today, I cannot believe that in 1 month I’ll be starting to give her milk in a sippy cup. We’ve just switched her over to the Next Step formula now, and she’s doing ok. Not wanting to drink much because of her cold, but she’s doing ok. Oh I almost forgot. She’s really gotten into climbing these days…climbing over the back of her little rocking chair at my mom’s(which she likes to stand in and make it rock) to climb onto the couch…climbing into baskets, onto toys, etc. Last night after she got bored of climbing into her baby swing(one of those take-a-long swings that are really low to the ground, which she HATED as a baby but now has decided she LOVES) she wandered over and climbed up onto the plastic bin I keep in front of her crib(yes I am that short, I need a step to be able to put her in her crib at night) and she stood up and reached up over the bumper in her crib and put her pacifier over it into her crib. Then of course she wanted in there to get it. She’s also taken to throwing her toys out of the bathtub so she can stand there, point to them, and say “uh oh!”…then I put them back in the tub, and she throws them right back out again. “uh oh!” Over and over. She is babbling non stop these days, really seeming like she’s having conversations. It’s so cute! And now on top of pointing at something and asking “dat?” when she wants to know what it is, she will point at something she wants and say “uh uh eh eh eh” until I give whatever it is to her. Which so far has been working through trial and error…she points at a huge mass of stuffed animals and I give her one I think looks interesting and oh my goodness no that isn’t the right one, which I know because she starts to throw a fit and point again…eventually we get the right one, and all is ok with the world again. I’m loving this stage that she’s in, every day is an adventure with her doing something new.

Monday, February 26, 2007

The Birds

This may be incredibly boring to some of you, but it's fascinating to me. Tonight when I got home there were birds EVERYWHERE. They were all chattering and huge flocks were flying through the sky in black clouds, and then a lot of them decided to land in 2 of the trees outside our house. The noise from them was incredible, it was so neat. And of course when I took my cat outside, she didn't even care, she wanted to get down and roll around on the dirty concrete...she's not much of a cat LOL Anyway then a car honked it's horn out on the street and it sent all the birds flying, which of course led to a raining of bird poop. Seriously it sounded like rain, it was crazy. I got a pic after about 1/3 of them had settled back down, not NEAR as many as there were before.

Also I have to write about the geese. I drive by a conservation place on the way to take Miss H to the sitter's every day(I go the back roads, much more scenic and much less traffic) and they have these little ponds they use for fish studies. 2 of the ponds they keep heated over the winter, they're always steaming. Every single morning when I would drive by, these 2 ponds were full of little bobbing geese, sleeping w/ their heads tucked under their wings. I thought it was so neat that they had a nice warm place to sleep for the night. Now that it's warmed up some the geese are always down the road in a field w/ little green sprouts all over the place...but now they're there by the hundreds. It's really a neat sight.

Another crazy weekend...

Well we had another crazily busy weekend. Friday night D finally found a Wii at Best Buy, so after Miss H went to bed(late) we stayed up to check it out. I got up at about 8 the next morning with her, and she pretty much refused to take a nap all day. She has a cold. Nothing horrible, just a little coughing and snot. But her sleep is a bit screwed up. She was cranky all afternoon, and a couple of D's golf buddies came over to check out the Wii, and they played with her so of course she wouldn't nap at all while they were there either. Saturday was also my sister's birthday and we'd said we'd take her out to dinner. She chose Red Lobster, and let me say it was NOT worth the amount of money we paid for that meal. We won't be going back. We didn't get Miss H in bed til late again, after 11. Sunday morning I woke up at yelling from Miss H. So I went back to bed. Woke up at 9...went and checked on her...still snoozing away! D and I woke up at 10:30 and honestly we flipped out a little...she hasn't slept that late since she had the stomach flu. We walked in her room to find her standing there in her crib, pointing at her special lamp her great-grandparents got her, and whispering "dat, dat!" She is so funny. Usually she stands up and yells at the door for us to come get her. I have no idea how long she was awake looking at her lamp. But at least we got some sleep, and she didn't seem like she was starving to death or anything surprisingly. She fought her nap again on Sunday. Finally D just laid her in bed with him, and I laid down as well. She cried, and tossed and turned, and cried. The only way I could get her to settle down was to rub on back and hold her really close and say "bye-o, bye-o baby bye-o" grandma used to rock me to sleep singing that when I was little, and oddly it soothes Miss H too. She FINALLY drifted off to sleep, and I slept w/ her from 1 to 3. I got her up at 3:30 to eat lunch. We went to the in-laws around 6 and Miss H didn't eat dinner til 8. She did however do something pretty darn amazing. One minute she was sitting on the floor next to me, the next she just stood up. She just stood up right there in the middle of the floor and just stood there, not wobbling or anything! Of course me, the wonderfully eloquent person that I am, could only think to say "um, um, um!" I was shocked. To see my little baby girl standing there next to me was a very odd sight. Needless to say I'm very proud. Anyway last night she had a rough time getting to sleep again. She had trouble settling down in my arms...we tried multiple positions, and finally I laid her down in her crib thinking she'd like to stretch out. So she turned over and stuck her butt in the air. 5 minutes later she was crying reaching for me. I tried to lay her back down and that made her bawl. So I picked her up and rocked her some more and FINALLY got her settled down and asleep. I kept telling myself that it was always hard for me to get to sleep as a kid, and I reminded myself how that felt to want to go to sleep so badly and never be able to get to sleep and how comforting it would have been to have my mom just pick me up and rock me. That really helps me not get frustrated at all with her. And I know she doesn't feel well either. And I can feel a huge bulge on her gums too where I her eye tooth is coming in on the top so maybe that's an issue as well. But she was asleep by 12:30 am. I felt so bad dragging her out of bed this morning when she was so exhausted still. If I didn't have to work I could have let her sleep in :o( One of these days...

Ok I have a dilemma...during the week Miss H's diaper rash gets progressively worse, until on Friday it's sometimes bleeding even. The sitter(who is really great by the way) SWEARS she changes her regularly and right after she poops. But on the weekend, it clears up and by the time I take her back to the sitter's Monday morning her little bum is perfectly peachy soft, no rash in sight. It can't be diet, because I feed her the same things on the weekend and her butt is fine with me. UNLESS, it's because the sitter has a water softener. The dr. said that shouldn't be the problem. But what the heck else could it be?? I provide all her formula, wipes, diapers, butt cream...the only thing I can think of is the water must be not setting well with her sensitive skin. Does anybody have a softener and have had issues like this?? I bought her a couple jugs of nursery water to use instead of her tap, so hopefully that will help...we'll see I guess. If not, the only thing I know to do is tell her to change her diaper at least every hour as well as right after she poops and go from there. But I don't change her diaper that often when I have her and every morning she wakes up with a diaper full to the brim of pee and it doesn't affect her bum?? I am just at a loss, I have no idea what's wrong...

Ok on to other things. I have an issue. A big one. I even made a new years resolution to try and fix it. But it hasn't worked. My issue is that I come very last on my list of priorities. My new years resolution was to take better care of myself. But how am I supposed to do that when I'm so busy and exhausted all the time? I have always been a really low energy person. I have major stomach issues and all the extra energy it takes my body to digest food etc. really taxes my energy supply. I take a multivitamin. I get plenty of exercise running after Miss H and going non-stop from the time I get up til the time I fall in bed at night. I eat fairly healthy. I don't drink enough water, but I'm not a thirsty person. I'm also the type of person that pushes myself way beyond my limits...I have a million things to get done and about 10 minutes free time to get it done in. Instead of saying "I HAVE to take a shower no matter what" I will take care of Miss H of course first, then the chores that need to be done(which are a ton--it never ends) and then by the time I get everything else taken care of or at least some of what needs to be done, I'm so tired I just fall in bed. I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like I'm over-doing it, over-working my body. I feel like crap. I feel like I look like crap. I want a shower more than a few times a week. I want to have time to blow dry my hair. I want to have plucked eyebrows once in a while. I want to have time to clip my toenails. But I also want clean clothes to wear, clean dishes for us to eat off of, the bills to be paid on time(which I have been slipping up on lately because we have so many payments per month it's getting to where I can't remember everything--and hubby does not help with this)...I'm supposed to be super mom right, I'm supposed to have a clean organized house, I'm supposed to have a clean intelligent child, and I'm supposed to be clean and put together. YEA FREAKING RIGHT...I want to know how other women do it. All these women I know, they have all that. They wear make up daily. They know where everything is in their house. They don't have a dining room full of boxes (that are full of lord knows what)....they don't have mountains of laundry taking up half their bedroom. Their kitchen sink is empty and their floors are always clean. I have the time/energy to do a few things...Miss H is always clean, she is smart because I take the time to work with her...we always have a clean outfit for the next day...Miss H's room and the bathroom in the hallway are almost perfectly organized and put together at all times. The rest is all chaos and disorganization and un-cleanliness. I'm admitting it. And I hate that. So how on earth am I supposed to do ANYTHING for myself when the rest of my life is such chaos?? My job takes up SO MUCH of my time, and it's not fair. I am exhausted, I feel and look like crap, my house looks like crap, and someone else gets to spend more time out of the week with my kid than I do. :o( Ok I think I just needed to bitch. But I'm just tired and I am so stressed from all the crap that always needs done. And there's no end in sight...

Friday, February 23, 2007

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Truffles....

My first thought upon waking up this morning was “Thank the LORD ALMIGHTY, it’s finally FRIDAY!!” I’m so ready for the weekend. One more day of work this week and I think I would go nuts.

I have to start my work day off every morning with a cup of this….

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I love the taste and it’s nice and hot and darn it if it doesn’t keep my system regulated better than any specialty product I have ever tried! Sorry if tmi… but, I just had to say, this stuff is great.

Well the time has finally come…I’ve been dreading this for a few weeks now. The weather has warmed up, and golf season is now upon us. I absolutely LOVE the spring, I love the warmer temps and everything…but I do not look forward to golf season. D didn’t get home until after 9:00 last night. Luckily for us he decided not to go to work so he could spend some time with us. But I had gotten so used to him getting home early, most nights before Miss H and I even got there, and being around all weekend…it was so nice! Now he’s back to practicing every daylight hour he’s not in school, and in a couple short weeks he’ll be off gallivanting around the US to tournament after tournament pretty much every weekend. This wouldn’t be such a huge issue, except he won’t get to see Miss H. He’ll only be here a few weekdays between tournaments, and he won’t be home before she goes to bed…so unless I keep her up past 10 every night on the days he’s in town, he won’t get to see her for a couple months straight pretty much. But that seriously cuts into her sleep since I still have to get her up at 7:30 every morning. And dangit, I’m going to miss him! He hates talking on the phone, so our conversations while he’s gone are so irritating. I want to sit and talk for a half hour about how each of our days went…I wanna know everything about his day, how he played, where they went to eat, what else they did…and he just wants to say “alright so I love you and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Men… By the time Miss H’s birthday rolls around he’ll be on one of his last couple tournaments, and I know the time will fly, but I also know getting through the next couple months without him will be a bit difficult. Another issue is that I can’t be home alone overnight…how silly is that!! But I just can’t. I watched too many scary movies growing up and I’ve seen too much crap on the news about murders and kidnappings and rapes etc. over the years, and that crap REALLY affects me, so I am basically a big ol’ scaredy cat and just cannot sleep at night without somebody there. So like a big baby I have to call and beg my sister or my mom to come stay the night with me every night he’s gone. And I know that takes a toll on my family as well. But we’ll get through it, and then only one more year of this before he graduates and we can be a “normal” family finally!

In other, completely un-related news, I feel the need to share my love of the truffles from this wonderful little candy store called The Candy Factory. I discovered their truffles right before my nephew was born in March of ’05. I took my sister in law a box of them while she was in the hospital after his birth. Let me just say that when I was pregnant I could finish a whole 15 piece box in a couple days flat. THEY ARE SO GOOD! Don’t they LOOK good?????

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They are NOTHING like those Russel Stover’s truffles, they are nothing like any other truffle I have ever eaten that you can buy around here. They are wonderful. Their flavor isn’t too strong…they are chocolately and the center is nice and smooth, not to runny or too cakey…just perfect…and the shell is a nice hard chocolate. It’s the perfect combo, I’m telling you. And I just found out you can buy them online…no longer do you have to venture to my semi-small city and brave the streets of downtown to try these things for yourself. They’re now available at the click of your mouse! If you are especially in love with these truffles you can also buy them in boxes of 24 or 32 online. In the store they also sell a box of 6. Which I might just have to treat myself to this weekend! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……
And let me just say this…I have never been a big fan of chocolate. Not til I found these truffles…and then I got pregnant…and it was all over after that…I admit it, I’m a huge truffle-aholic. Is that even a word? Works for me.

And I have yet more news, not very exciting to you probably but pretty darn exciting to me. I cooked the ginormous butternut squash last night that I had bought last week. I’m usually not one to go to all that trouble, especially when I’m so stinking tired like I have been lately. I had to cut this thing up into about 10 pieces just to get it to fit in the casserole dish, it was huge!! I cooked it for 30 minutes and it turned out perfectly if I do say so myself. As I was scooping out the squash goo to store in a handy Takalong container Miss H began attacking me as she usually does when I’m trying to do anything other than paying attention to her. So I plopped her back in her highchair and gave her a few bites. And lo and behold, she ATE them! No salt, no butter, just squash, cooked by me, not Gerber, not pureed, just a hunk ‘o squash! The girl ate it. I’m so proud. And glad that I didn’t go to all that extra effort for nothing.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Life as we know it is changing so fast...

I have decided I don’t really like how my new haircut looks. It was ok after the hairdresser styled it...but of course me, having absolutely no skills whatsoever doing hair, can’t do crap with it. I just don’t like all the layers, the way it hangs is odd...she did a good job, it’s not’s just I don’t like the way it looks on me. But oh well, it’ll grow out.

Ok on to more posting about Miss H...

I realized this morning as Miss H was laying on the floor while I was changing her diaper that she really looked like a little girl laying there. She’s so big. I still think of her as my baby. I’m sure I probably always will. But it was just kind of a shock how big she was, and it really hit me that she looked like a toddler laying there. I’m no longer changing a little baby’s diapers, I’m changing a toddler’s. And last night she babbled constantly. We went out for pizza and she babbled all about her day, and how they had fun with bubbles and spending time outside in the swing(I’m assuming this is what she was telling me anyway)...and when the little kids ran behind her she would turn around really quickly and try to grab them. She’s such a little stinker. I just can’t believe I already have a little toddler. I bagged up all the baby food last night...I have a whole plastic Walmart bag full. I’m wondering if Walmart or HyVee will let me return them or exchange them for Graduates? Otherwise I have no idea what to do with them. While at Walmart last night we stocked up on the Graduates meals. At first I had said I wasn’t going to fed them to Miss H. But then I read the ingredients list on some of them and they’re actually pretty healthy little meals, and no preservatives also. And after the recent discussion I had with the sitter about me still needing to provide Miss H’s meals, I thought those were the best/easiest option for now. When Miss H started eating baby food it was really exciting to clear out a spot on the pantry shelf for her new foods. I organized them between veggies, fruits and dinners/meats. It wasn’t exciting last night to bag up all the baby food and replace it with Graduates, portioned veggies like peas and green beans, puffs, and freeze dried fruits. It was actually quite sad, and weird. Just when I had really gotten used to the fact that I have a baby all my own, POOF she’s gone, replaced by this awnry, into everything, adorable, hilarious toddler w/ her own thoughts and opinions. And I’m quite sad. I do enjoy her sleeping through the night and feeding herself while I get some housework done, and how she’s able to go wherever she pleases and communicate with us better etc. etc...I’m not saying I’m wanting another little baby soon, I am definitely enjoying having more freedom and I’m enjoying the little girl my daughter is becoming...but at the same time my baby grew up way too fast, and I didn’t get a chance to really enjoy her when she was still a little bitty baby and that’s making me a bit sad. It just hit me this morning that my baby isn’t a baby anymore, and that’s exciting and sad at the same time. And it’s just a bit of a shock. She grew up so fast, and even though she’s only 10 months old she’s just not acting at all like a baby anymore. I’m not in ANY hurry for her to grow up. There are a bunch of people I know making their babies switch to sippy cups and getting rid of their pacifiers at an age younger than Miss H even, but I’m not going to rush Miss H into growing up...she uses a sippy cup just fine, she even uses a real cup very well...but she also likes her bottles too, and I’m fine with that for now. I’m not taking them away from her just because “all the other toddlers are doing it” LOL Sigh...where did the time go???

The Mommy Song

Miss H went through a phase when she was about 4 to 6 months old where she LOVED to sing. She sang all the way home in the car, she sang in the store, everywhere, at all times. Then all of a sudden she stopped one day, and took to babbling constantly. She's learned real words, and she has a few made up ones that she likes to use a lot as well(we're still trying to figure out the exact meanings of those). But just in the past few days she has started singing what we call "The Mommy Song." I absolutely love it. It is the sweetest song ever. She just sings "mamamamamamamama" in this really high pitched singy voice. And I really do believe that she knows she's singing about me, because sometimes she'll look at me and start singing "mamamamama" and then wander off singing to the world. It's so cute. And now, she has a new version that she sometimes likes to sing, called "The Daddy Song." Last night we went to Walmart, which Miss H LOVES...she was babbling the whole time, sometimes really loud, yelling at people, yelling at food, talking to her new bear my mom was buying her, etc. Then D called. I put the phone up to her ear so he could talk to her(he hasn't seen her much lately he's been so busy with golf practice and work) and after she heard his voice she started singing "dadadadada" and he laughed so hard and said that was the cutest thing he's ever heard. So then the rest of the time we were in Walmart she would periodically break into song "dadadadada!" I can't wait until she's a little older and sitting in her car seat singing the songs we listen to. When I was little I LOVED Randy Travis. I have no idea why. But I would sit in the back when I was like 4 and 5 years old and belt out his songs as loud as I could. I remember my mom and grandma sitting in the front just laughing and talking about how cute it was. But no matter what Miss H decides she wants to sing in the future, The Mommy Song will always be my favorite!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

It's nice to be so loved...

Every morning I sit on the living room floor to get Miss H ready. She always has to stand there and hug me for a few minutes, I guess she likes how I’m down on her level and she loves her morning hugs. Well yesterday morning she had her little head resting on my shoulder, hugging me, and out of nowhere she lifts up her head, gives me a kiss, and lays her head back down. It was the sweetest thing in the whole wide world. My heart melted. She gave me a kiss because she wanted to. Not because I asked for one. She did it on her own, just because she felt like it! How great is that? No matter what happened the rest of the day, it didn’t matter, because Miss H started my day off so wonderfully. She is definitely the light in my life!

I don’t remember if I’ve written about this before(I have a bad memory) but it’s so cute how Miss H plays with her baby doll now. Last night she was putting her pacifier up to the baby’s mouth and making sucky noises, and then she handed me the baby and patted it, telling me to burp it. I burped it, then gave it to her, and she burped it on her little shoulder. And she’s finally figured out you have to put the blanket over the baby to cover it up, not set the baby on the blanket. And then last night she took a fake bite of the golf ball and then gave me a “bite” (she loves to share) and when I was taking my fake bite she smacked her lips making eating noises! Then this morning she shoved her foot in my mouth while I was changing her diaper and smacked her lips and made eating noises. It was so funny. Also last night we were looking at her Feely Bugs book before she went to bed, and I was so tired I was just kind of sitting there as she turned the pages feeling them, and eventually I guess she got irritated that I wasn’t participating because she grabbed my hand and made me feel the bug that feels like Velcro over and over. All these things are so little, other people probably think it’s nothing, but to me they’re everything! They’re absolutely amazing…I don’t know what makes her just all of a sudden learn something new.

I absolutely love how Miss H thinks I’m so funny and she loves to be around me, even though I’m such a boring nerd and I’m a weirdo! I say something stupid and she laughs! I do my little boogie butt shaky dances out of nowhere and she thinks that’s the coolest most funniest thing she’s ever seen! It’s absolutely awesome to have somebody love me so much, no matter what I look like, smell like, no matter how much of a dork I am, or how stupid I’m acting…she thinks I’m amazing and funny and even when I’ve got the worst morning breath she still wants to cuddle and give me kisses. That fat roll on my stomach…wow how cool is that to poke and prod, so funny!! Those grandma-ish pj pants I wear around the house…so fun to point out the little flowers and pull down around mommy’s ankles while she’s standing at the sink(and then w/ the pants down, those hairy legs are awesome to feel and so funny!—I tell her “H that’s called Prickly”). I’ll do anything in front my husband, he knows how silly and nerdy I can be, and he’s silly and nerdy right there with me…but he doesn’t laugh so hard he can’t breathe when I break into a boody dance in the middle of doing dishes at 9:00 at night because I’m so exhausted I’m feeling giddy. I love that H laughs at me and with me, I love that she thinks I’m so wonderful. I remember how that felt when I was so little, to think my mom was the bestest person in the whole wide world…I loved her so much it was ridiculous, I thought she could do no wrong and was beautiful at all times and I wanted to be around her constantly(I still feel that way!). I always hoped my kids would love me like that. And she does, she thinks I’m amazing, and it feels so great to finally have somebody love me JUST because I’m me! And I feel the same about her. That kind of love is amazing!

Monday, February 19, 2007


Has anybody heard about how Britney Speare’s shaved her head? What the hell is wrong with this girl? She really is getting very strange. I feel so sorry for her kids. Has anybody ever seen a picture of her 2nd baby even? He’s not even going to know her, it doesn’t seem like she’s ever home. Who’s taking care of her kids, nannies, her family???? I saw pictures of her after she shaved her head, the girl looks messed up, drunk or high or something. The whole thing is just so weird. And when they asked her if this signaled a new beginning or something like that, she said “sort of”….what’s that supposed to mean? I think she should have stayed in rehab instead of checking out after what only one day or something…the girl obviously needs some major help.

Well I was up part of last night with stomach pains, so that sucked. But I was ok when I got up this morning…I plugged in my flat iron and washed my face and whatnot waiting for it to heat up. When I go to straighten my hair that has turned into an afro poof over night(ok maybe not that bad) it doesn’t do a thing to it. I felt the iron…freaking cold as ice. It died on me! It still turned on, it just didn’t heat up at all! Of all times for that to happen! So I had to come to work this morning with my hair up in this little bobbed pony tail w/ half of it hanging down still all funky from bed head LOL and nobody’s really said anything because I know it looks like crap. So I guess I’ll be going to Walmart tonight and spending even MORE money, to get a new flat iron…I feel like I’ve put us in the poor house lately spending so much! It’s just amazing all the crap we needed. I still have yet to look for a baby gate. At least Miss H will have clothes to wear this spring and summer!

It’s supposed to be in the 60’s today, WOOHOO!! I want all this snow to melt, I don’t want any of it left! I’m so stinking tired of snow! The bad thing is the Farmer’s Almanac says we’ll have one more big snow storm this year before the season’s over. So that sucks, but hopefully it’ll be wrong! We have electric heat but our utility bill is still eating us alive. The insulation in our place must not be very good because we have to keep the heat up to 74 while we’re home just so we don’t freeze! Luckily Miss H’s room is the warmest in the house, and if I turn it up higher than 74 she gets too hot at night even though we’re still freezing. I’m adding that to my list of “Things I Want When We Buy a House”…….good insulation!

Here’s the list so far, what I can remember of it anyway…I’ll add to it as I think of new things…I’ve got a long list after living in rentals my whole life! I know we’ll have to customize after we buy a place…I don’t need anything fancy, just not crappy LOL

Things I Want When We Buy a House

-Good insulation!
-A nice deep tub to soak in
-Some sort of nice linoleum in the bathrooms, maybe something that looks like stone tiles or something…I’m really sick of carpet in the bathroom too, and I’m also sick of the nasty peel and stick industrial looking linoleum tiles in these rentals, no matter how much I clean it it always looks dirty.
-That linoleum that looks like wood floors in the kitchen and dining room…NO CARPET!
-New stove, microwave, fridge(w/ an ice maker!)
-Darker counter tops in the kitchen, something that won’t stain…we have cream colored counters in the rental now (we did in the apt. too) and D is SO MESSY…he’s always spilling Kool-Aid powder all over the place and leaving it to stain
-More counter space in the kitchen
-A nice deep sink in the kitchen, with one of those sprayers…I had one in the apt. and I miss it so much now that our new place doesn’t have one!
-A ceiling light in the bedroom, lamps do NOT provide enough light for me!
-3 bedrooms, preferably w/ another little area for an office, and 2 bathrooms
-A walk in closet at least in the master bedroom if not in the other bedrooms as well
-Really good carpet that stands up to wear and tear really well…I’m sick of this cheap crap they put in rentals that doesn’t do well in high traffic and always feels so dirty no matter how much you shampoo it(I would kind of like hard wood I think but D would never go for it)
-One level, no stairs…unless it has a basement, that would be great(that way D could set up his little hunting/golf area downstairs to store all his crap and we’d also have room to store all the baby stuff etc….which leads me to the next item on my list)
-STORAGE out the whazoo
-2 car garage preferably, but at least 1 car garage…enough room to store our bikes(which are now at our parents’ houses because we don’t have the storage room, which makes it hard to go bike riding in the summer which we LOVE to do
-A bigger laundry area w/ places to hang clothes and a table to fold clothes on
-I would love to have a little mud room w/ a sink where D can come in from golf or hunting or whatever and peel of his dirties there instead of tracking mud in all over the carpet and leaving his hunting clothes in the middle of the dining room floor…the mud room would also be a great place to keep the litter box, which is now next to my washer right off the kitchen so there’s always cat litter tracked all over my kitchen floor no matter how much I vacuum it up!
-A fenced in back yard for Miss H to play in
-Big windows like the place we live in now has…I like natural lighting

Ok I can’t think of anything else right now. On to something else…

I need to start thinking of birthday gifts for Miss H and I can’t come up with anything…the only thing I can think of is one of those outdoor plastic climb/play sets by brands like Fisher Price and Little Tykes because she loves to climb, but they are so expensive! Evidently they don’t make the little bitty ones anymore like I’ve seen people have…all I can find is bigger ones that cost an arm and a leg. I thought about getting her a ball pit, just one of the little inflatable ones, because she LOVES the one the sitter has…but really I’d have to give it to her now because that’s something she really likes right now. It would have to be an early bday present. What on earth do you get 1 year old little girls? She’s got Weebleot, and the Weeble’s cottage…she’s got books…I just don’t know what else to even suggest to people to get her, or even what to get her from us! I need ideas…anybody have any???

Miss H has been wanting up on the couch lately. She’ll fuss and fuss trying to climb up there until we put her up there. She’ll sit there for a minute with a huge grin on her face and then she wants to stand up and bounce or jump or whatever else that’s rough and could possibly cause her to fall off and break her neck. She can be dainty and girly, but she is definitely a rough and tough little thing too. Yesterday she was pushing all the buttons on the VCR when she slipped and rammed her face right into the hard metal pull knob on entertainment unit door…I just froze, I thought she was going to scream. But she just sat up, turned around and looked at me, and I said “uh oh!” like I always do and she just calmly turned and started playing. It seems like as long as I act like it’s not that big of a deal, if she’s not really hurt, she doesn’t cry or anything and just goes on. I am definitely always paranoid that she’ll get hurt and if she was really hurt I would comfort her and take care of her in a heart beat, don’t get me wrong, but I’m a lot more laid back than the majority of the people I know around here that have kids. My sister in law is especially jumpy…I remember when my nephew W was a baby and learning to sit up on his own, I was on the floor with him and I had his Boppy set up around him so if he fell back he’d fall on it. I have plenty of experience with babies, I have a niece and 5 nephews and my little brother was born when I was 12. I knew what I was doing with W. I wasn’t going to let him get hurt. Well he fell back, and I let him, because he needed to learn cause and effect…you lean back, you fall back…he had to learn his balance! Well my sister in law gasped really loud, jumped up as soon as he fell onto the Boppy, and grabbed him. She sheltered that boy so much, he is going to be 2 next month but he has no personality whatsoever and he is very behind in development (I mean the boy hasn’t really changed a bit from age 1 to age 2 except he can run now(quite clumsily) and say a few more words than before, all pronounced wrong which they don’t correct). And when he falls or knocks into something he screams this blood curdling scream…I can’t even be around him, I literally have to leave the room it is that loud…I’m not exaggerating. And he’s always fine, he’s never really hurt. She’s just made him think that every time he barely falls he’s going to die or something. They must think I’m a horrible parent when Miss H tries to climb on top of the Fisher Price barn and knocks in over, falling on top of it herself and I just say “uh oh, get back up and dust yourself off!” And she does, and she’s perfectly fine…

Sunday, February 18, 2007

New developments

Miss H did a few new things this weekend. Saturday night we went to a pasta place and found out she can slurp pasta. I've always cut her noodles up for her, but she grabbed a handful before I was able to cut them into smaller pieces that night and she put her lips into a little O and sucked the noodle in! It was so cute. Today I realized she knows how to use a straw. We were sharing a banana milkshake after she rode the carousel for the first time at the mall today and she was actually sucking it through the straw. She's also getting more into her baby dolls. Tonight she picked up her baby doll and would put her pacifier up to the baby's mouth and make sucking sounds. Then I demonstrated how to burp a baby on your shoulder and handed it to her, and she put it up to her shoulder and patted it on the back. Also if you tell her to cover the baby with the blanket, she goes and lays the baby on the blanket. Close enough :o) I don't know if I mentioned already that she's learned to clap. She claps her right hand onto the back of her left hand. It's amazing how much she changes every week. When we went shopping today she insisted on browsing through the racks of clothes herself. I have to say we already have different tastes in clothes. LOL For one she likes orange which I HATE and the other clothes she grabbed I didn't really care for either. She also doesn't like baby shoes, she really wants "big girl" shoes that don't start until like a size 5. Today at the mall she wanted to get down on the floor like everybody else so bad, she didn't want to sit in her stroller. Eventually my mom and I had to each hold a hand and let her walk down a hallway (which is a long ways in our mall) before she got tired and wanted to be picked up again...she was walking barefoot too, she would NOT leave her shoes and socks on today no matter how hard we tried...she kept taking them off and pitching them across the floor. She's so awnry sometimes.

In other news, I finally did it. Today I got my hair chopped off! I was going to just get it cut to my shoulders and kind of layered around my face a bit like I normally do the one time a year that I get it cut(my hair grows REALLY fast) but she said if she cut off 10 inches I could send it to locks of love, so I said go for it. I don't really care about my hair anyway as long as it's not so long it's coming close to touching my butt like it was before I got it cut today. So it's about level with my chin now and layered a bit...she had to layer it more to even it up because they have to put it in a low pony tail and then cut that off for locks of love. I'm getting used to it, it'll take a while though. It does feel so much better to have all that hair gone though. And surprisingly D doesn't hate it, he said when I told him on the phone I got it chopped off he was really scared. But when he got home and saw it he said it's actually pretty cute and as the night went on I could tell he really does like it. So that's good. I'm just glad I finally got it done.

Ok now it's incredibly late and I am so tired I can barely think straight so I'm going to bed. D put a fast flow nipple in Miss H's bottle tonight so at 9:30 she sucked down her 8 oz. in a few minutes flat and I think it surprised her that it was gone so fast because she couldn't fall asleep after that for a while. I had to bring her back into the living room and play with her for a little bit before I could make her another bottle and put her to bed. This time we used a slow flow and she had enough time to wind down and get sleepy so when I laid her in her crib she just rolled over and fell asleep. After that I had to wait for the clothes in the washer to rinse, which they're done now, so I can put them in the dryer and go to bed. Wish it was still Saturday! I really don't feel like going to work tomorrow.

Saturday, February 17, 2007


Well I took Miss H to a local pizza place yesterday and she LOVED it. We got an 8 inch pizza on white crust with canadian bacon, artichoke hearts, onions and mushrooms and she gobbled it up. The slices are smaller than a regular pizza because it's only 8 inches but she ate 2 pieces all by herself! I couldn't get it cut up fast enough for her, she gobbled down a bunch and then pointed at the pizza "uh uh uh!" I'm glad she takes after me liking veggies on her pizza, everybody else I know likes MEAT MEAT MEAT blegh. The only reason I get the canadian bacon is because I feel like I should eat some sort of meat. But Miss H had so much fun, and I did too. I've never gone out to eat by myself before and I thought I might feel kind of weird going with just her but she really is this other little person that interacts with you and everything, she babbles and everything. It was a lot of fun. After that we ran over to the mall and did some shopping after we took my mom a latte and a bagel(she works part time at Dillard's). We stopped in Gymboree and Miss H was going through the racks of clothes babbling away...she already likes to shop LOL. We found some summer clothes for her at Penney's. I took her to Barnes and Noble for the first time and she loved it. She crawled all over the place pulling books off the shelves. She was in heaven. She picked out 5 books that we bought...and 3 were about bugs. She's really into bugs. We got one called Feely Bugs that is really neat, a little different than your normal "feel" books.
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She LOVES this one...
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Here are the other ones she picked out...
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And this one is one of those vinyl puffy tub books...
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Finally D called frantic because we weren't home yet and *gasp* it was snowing outside...again...for the gazillionth time this winter. Yes it was coming down pretty hard, but I have to say I didn't slide once on the way home and my car slides like crazy in bad weather. It was just plain snow. But we had a lot of fun shopping together and she was so worn out by the time we got home she wanted to go to bed at 8:30! But I kept her up til after D got off work at 9 so he could see her(he hadn't seen her at all the whole day) and she had fun playing with him when he got home. She also had fun chasing the cat and crawling behind the recliner.

Then I rocked her to sleep and she was out in 10 minutes flat. It was a really good day. She woke up today a little after 8 and we got up and had breakfast and played. She found sleep for a while, wanting up on my lap then climbing back down, over and over and over and then she'd lay on the blanket on the floor, then back up on my lap...finally she gave in and we took a nice hour and a 1/2 nap together in the recliner. Finally at noon D woke up and his parents came over to go to Cracker Barrel with us. They brought me some chocolate covered strawberries from the local candy store that I LOVE, which I thought was really sweet. And they brought Miss H a Valentine's Day card. Miss H ate from the kids menu for the very first time today. We got her a vegetable plate, carrots and green beans. She's turning into such a little girl. She ate some of my chicken and rice too, and some bites of biscuits w/ apple butter. She fell asleep in the car on the way home before she had her bottle, so I just laid her in our bed. For some reason she won't nap in her crib for us during the day, but she'll sleep forever in our bed. She never wants to sleep with us at night though, she wants her own crib all to herself...sounds like me! LOL D is taking a nap with her(such a rough life, getting up a noon, eating, taking a nap at 2:30...jeez) and I just got done cleaning up cat puke(she puked right on one of Miss H's new books!! ARGH!!!) and cleaning the litter box and now I'm doing a load of laundry. When they wake up we're going to do some more shopping...still looking for that Wii, still out of stock everywhere. We didn't get to go by Old Navy yesterday so we might stop by there. We need to go grocery shopping too, now that Miss H is pretty much not eating any baby food at all anymore.

Miss H has started clapping. Yesterday I was cheering her on as she was doing something with one of her toys, clapping for her, and she'd stop and clap along with me. Then this morning we were watching that animal competition show on Animal Planet and when the audience would aplaud she would stop what she was doing and clap. She doesn't clap normally though, she takes her right hand and claps it on the back of her left. It's so cute!

Friday, February 16, 2007


I'm so excited, I'm leaving work in an hour and going to pick up Miss H. We're going to go home and change clothes, then we're stopping by the elementary school my mom works at...then we're going to a local pizza place and sharing a little pizza, just the two of us. I think I'm going to take her to Barnes and Noble and let her pick out a couple new books...she's never been there before, she's going to be in Heaven with all those books to choose from! I'm so glad I get to spend the afternoon with her, and that we have the whole weekend coming up to spend together. We rarely do anything just the two of us, so this afternoon should be fun.

Our sitter is having tooth issues lately so she scheduled an appointment for today at 10:00. Instead of closing for the day and making the parents of the kids take off work or find another sitter for the day, the sitter's husband took off for a few hours to go home and watch the kids while she's gone. I thought that was so incredibly nice of him! He's a really good guy, Miss H loves him. And I have to give him a TON of credit, because my husband would never do that in a million years...he'd tell me to just close down for the day! I am so thankful that I have a sitter that never has to take off for anything personal. The only time she had to close was when all the kids and families(including us) got really sick over a weekend. My friend's sitter is closing ALL THE TIME, and still expects to be paid for all those days, it's crazy.

I finally heard from my sister...she called me this morning at work. Said she's been sick lately and been working at her new job, and that she'd tried to call me last night and I didn't answer...I don't have any missed calls on my phone but it does do that sometimes...but I'm just glad I know she's ok. I was getting really worried. I need to think of something to get her for her birthday, she'll be 20 on the 24th!

Well I'm off to enjoy my afternoon, hope everyone has a good weekend!!

Thursday, February 15, 2007


The past two nights instead of waking Miss H up when we get home from the sitters(she almost always falls asleep in the car) I've put her in our bed and let her sleep. Last night D came home and laid down with her and when I went in later it was so cute, Miss H had rolled over and was cuddled up next to her daddy and they were both snoozing away. I finally woke her up about 7:40 because I knew she'd be starving. She stayed up a little later, til about 10:15. We did the same thing tonight, except this time I laid down with her and actually got like a 40 minute nap!!!! That never happens anymore!! I woke her up at almost 8 and she did perfectly, eating all her dinner(no baby food again, she's doing really well on that!--tonight it was rice/tuna/cheese/broccoli casserole, green beans and apple sauce) and taking a bath and playing some until she fussed a bit at about 10:15. I picked her up and she started waving bye bye. Her way of telling me she was ready for bed I guess!

In the tub tonight she was pointing to her ducks and says "duh, duh" and I would tell her "duck" emphasizing the K at the end and she actually said it perfectly a few times!

Ok off to bed...

So many "opinions"

I’m getting a bit irritated. Why do people constantly have to compare their baby to others? I get so sick of hearing how other babies are doing this better or that better than Miss H or they’re bigger and that’s so much better for some reason… every baby is different, Miss H is just Miss H, she’s going to be who she’s going to be and it’s not a bad thing that she’s only 28 something inches and 19 lbs. She’s 10 months old, I don’t know why that sounds so horrible for a 10 month old. But my brother loves to talk about how much bigger his son S is than Miss H and he’s 1 and ½ months younger than she is so he’s just doing SO WELL! Now that I’ve started ranting about this I’m really tired of thinking about it……..jeez……..I’m just under a lot of pressure lately to do certain things and it’s driving me nuts. Everybody’s bragging to me that their kid is off the bottle or only takes 1 or 2 a day and using a sippy cup the rest of the time……Hailey still has 4 bottles a day, one being with bedtime. She only uses a sippy cup in the morning w/ some water and at dinner w/ some water. She uses it just fine. But I don’t know that she’d sit and drink a full 6 or 8 oz. of formula from a sippy cup. I can’t see her doing that. She’s like me, I’m never thirsty. She’s not one of those kids that has their sippy cup hanging around all day drinking more and more juice or whatever else kids drink these days(my nephew is one of those kids). Not that I don’t give her one, she always has water available. She just doesn’t get thirsty. I’m the exact same way. And then there’s the pacifier issue. She loves her pacifier. She uses a Soothie. She still uses the green ones that are meant for 0 to 3 months. They make harder ones for older babies that are blue and pink, so they can’t bite through them. She doesn’t like it. She’ll pop it in her mouth and try it for a while because it’s a new color, but then she’ll pop it back out and pop her green one in. But the issue is people think we need to wean her from it. WHY? I don’t see why. Who cares if she sucks on a pacifier to comfort herself. Why does this matter? It’s a soft Soothie, it’s not going to give her buck teeth. People make comments all the time how she always has it in her mouth (which isn’t true) and doesn’t that keep her from talking blah blah. People brag to me all the time “well my daughter/son never took one!” like that’s just a HUGE accomplishment and means either 1. that their son or daughter is so much more advanced because they didn’t want a pacifier or 2. that they are awesome parents for not letting their kid have a pacifier. I don’t care if people don’t give their kid a pacifier. Why do they care if Miss H takes one? Why is this such a bad thing? And then there’s the fact that she only has 2 teeth. This is not something I can control obviously, but people LOVE to brag about their kids getting teeth. Even my cousin said her daughter had a full set by 1 yr. of age. YAY for her! Every single time somebody says something to me about her only having 2 teeth, like she’s oh so behind in her development or something, I remind them that my dentist (whom I really like and trust) said that the later in life they get their teeth and the later in life that they lose their teeth the better. Something about healthier teeth that way. So I’m not concerned one bit. Do I think it’s bad when other babies get like 8 teeth by 4 months of age? No, I could care less. I’m sure they won’t have bad teeth. It doesn’t concern me a bit what teeth other babies have and when. I do wish Miss H would get more teeth so it would be easier for her to chew, but I really don’t care otherwise. Another thing I’ve been ridiculed for…rocking Miss H to sleep. Or holding her too much in general. I hold babies. All my babies will be held, unless they don’t want to be. I do not believe that holding a baby spoils it. People ask me how come Miss H never lost any hair or had a flat head like a ton of babies I know. I tell them I don’t know, that the only thing I can think of is she would never let me put her down and loved to be held…she never just laid there on her back for any length of time at all. “OHHHHHHHH so THAT’S why, you HELD her…” like that’s a horrible thing! Like “oh I’d rather my baby have a flat head than HOLD her, God forbid I spoil her to death!” Miss H needed to be held. I gave her what she needed to feel secure. Some babies don’t like to be held, they’d rather be laying on the floor, and sometimes they get flat spots, and THAT’S FINE TOO! But that’s not what my baby wanted. And now she does NOT want to be held all the time, she is a perfectly normal baby that likes to cuddle sometimes and then crawls off my lap to go play. She does fine in shopping carts or her stroller, I don’t have to carrier her everywhere I go. I did not spoil her. And the rocking to sleep issue…yes I rock her to sleep. I was rocked to sleep as a baby/child. I loved it. I felt so secure and warm and safe. I enjoy rocking babies. I always knew I’d rock my children to sleep. I can tell when Miss H starts to get tired(yes we do not enforce a strict bedtime, because I am not that kind of a person, and yes she does get tired about the same time every night--9 or so--even though she doesn’t have a bedtime) and then I get her bottle made and her vaporizer running. She knows the bedtime routine, it’s a little series of things she does herself. She closes the bedroom door behind us. She looks behind the rocking chair and under her crib(paranoid like her momma I guess), she checks her crib to make sure there are extra pacifiers(pointing them out for me to see) and then she turns off her own light and the second we sit in the rocking chair she pops out her pacifier ready for her bottle. She drinks her bottle, and when she’s done she hands it over to me and puts her pacifier back in her mouth. And she’s out. Just like that. So easy. Since she was 4 and ½ months old. I stop rocking and lay her in her crib. She turns over on her side and goes right to sleep. But I’m doing it all wrong. I’m supposed to put her in her crib while she’s awake, let her scream and cry until she cries herself to sleep. Uh sorry, not going to happen. Glad it worked for you. But it is not happening in our household. I don’t see why I’m doing such a bad thing when my daughter goes right to sleep with no fuss, feeling safe and secure, and then sleeps through the night no problems and gets up about 8:30 or 9 the next day. When she’s older if she doesn’t want to be rocked we’ll do something different then. But I don’t have any anxiety at all about her bedtimes, they’re peaceful for the both of us, and I don’t have any fear at all that it won’t always be this way. She’ll be fine. And then other people have commented on her eating habits. She eats a lot. My mom’s favorite comment is “I just don’t see how her little stomach can hold all of that food!” I tell her I don’t know either, but it does, and she stops eating when she’s full. She is not overweight by any means. Or underweight. A month ago she was 18 lbs 12 oz…that’s fine. She has a fat roll on her legs, she has a big ol Buddha belly that makes her little 12 to 18 months jeans tight on her…she is not too small! My brother’s baby is a month and a half younger than Miss H and well over 20 lbs…he is very thick. And do I ever look at him and think “man he is too fat or big”??????? Uh……NO……he’s himself, that’s just who he is, it never crosses my mind how big he is until the family brings it up (which is quite a bit, they love to compare the two)… And also she eats pretty much whatever we’re eating as long as it’s healthy. I don’t do the 3 day wait test to make sure she’s not allergic. She’s never had a reaction to anything so far and I don’t even know all the stuff she’s eaten. When I fed her spaghetti over a month ago and she gobbled it right up, a friend with a little boy the same age as Miss H ridiculed me like crazy for giving her ground beef. “Don’t you know they aren’t supposed to have that?!?!” WHY?? She was fine. She loved it. She digested it perfectly. Her poop is perfectly normal, formed and smells like poop. She didn’t get a belly ache or get cranky. Why no beef? I don’t care. I make sure and don’t give her anything she’ll choke on. Nothing is too hot. And she eats so healthy. She loves carrots and peas and squash and sweet potatoes, etc. and she loves bananas…and she loves her baby yogurt. She eats very well. But everybody has something to say about it.

I have to say, the only people, VERY SURPRISINGLY that have had nothing negative whatsoever to say(in the past few months), are the in-laws. They love her to pieces. They think she’s just perfect. Now I don’t care when my mom makes comments about Miss H’s eating because she isn’t meaning it in a bad way, and she’s my mom, I love her to pieces(she’s my best friend). But other people it bugs me, like my dad’s family, grandma, friends, etc….so anyway the in-laws NEVER say anything like “oh she’s still eating baby food?” or “She can’t eat that yet???” or “she’s too big!” or “man she should be walking by now”…….everything she does they think is the cutest thing in the world. Their grandson is going to be 2 next month. They do talk about how Miss H is doing things sooner than he did. But not like it’s a bad thing like other people. They do what we want, how we want it when it comes to her. I think they like it that we’re pretty easy going…we don’t get mad when they hold her the whole 2 hrs. she’s taking a nap. They like that we stay over at their house til whenever Miss H starts getting cranky(10 or so if we’re somewhere other than home) and don’t rush off at 8 because it’s her bedtime. The only thing they have ever said lately, is his mom made the comment Saturday about her hair barrettes…she asked “so she doesn’t put those in her mouth and choke on them?” and I told her that I don’t let her play with them and that when she does find one yes she does pop it in her mouth but she does not choke because I’m right there grabbing it from her mouth. She didn’t mean anything by it, she was purely curious. Back when Miss H was a newborn and I was showing her the hair barrettes we had for her when she got older, she made the comment to me “well keep those out of her reach so she doesn’t choke on them!”…….I was so pissed. DUH lady…yea like I’m going to leave them laying around and I’m going to let her out of my sight so she’ll just be choking left and right…how dare she think I didn’t have enough common sense? But after being a mom for a while I feel differently, I know she was just concerned, and I also know things pop out of her mouth that sound totally wrong but she does NOT mean them that way. I sympathize with this because unfortunately I’m the same way. Also, the drama and tense situations are gone now that Miss H is older, because his parents KNOW how outspoken I am, and we had many situations when she was younger where I told them exactly what I thought and didn’t hold anything back. They know the boundaries, they respect them wonderfully, and everybody gets along great now, just like I always wanted. Ok how did I get off on the in-laws? Gosh I need to stick to one point…I’m so bad about rambling.

So anyway I’m tired of people giving me their 2 cents about Miss H. She’s my kid, I know what’s best for her, she’s perfectly healthy and people need to back off. Ok so enough with the bitching for now…

I need ideas for things to feed Miss H now that she doesn’t really care for baby food. I need breakfast, lunch and snack ideas. Dinner is usually ok, she eats what we eat. But I do need ideas for things like how to cook sweet potatoes(are the canned ones the same as fresh??) and input on what you all fed your kiddos when they were eating more regular “adult” food.

Last night Miss H did the cutest thing, she made me laugh so hard. She was sitting on my lap reading her new Peek-A-Boo book my mom got her for Valentine’s Day. It has flaps you lift up to see the pictures underneath. I was pointing at things and naming them, like I always do…”duck!” “puppy!” etc. and then I told her “Now you point!” and she reached over and grabbed my hand and made ME point, plopping my hand on the page over and over making me point to the puppy and duck. It was like she was saying “No, YOU point mom, that’s YOUR job.” I laughed so hard. She’s just too stinking cute!! And then this morning she was so clingy when we got to the sitters, doing her fake fussing and holding onto my legs…until I asked her if she wanted some “num nums” which is what she calls her food…then she turned and pointed at the high chairs like “yea let’s eat!” What can I say, the girl loves her food! LOL

Well I took tomorrow afternoon off so I can spend some quality time with Miss H. I miss her so much. I hate the fact that the sitter spends more time with her than I do. That’s just not fair. I can’t wait until hubby gets out of school and gets a job so I can stay home with her. I don’t care if we don’t have some big new house, or new cars. I don’t have to have all that to be happy. But I have always wanted to stay home with my kids and raise them myself. My mom was a single parent and she did the best she could but I hated my daycares and I always told myself I didn’t want my kids to grow up like that. 2 more years…

I went to lunch today with a coworker that is from France. It was pretty fun. I’m not one to make new friends just like that, and usually I really shy away from situations where I’m going to be alone with a person I don’t know that well because the conversation usually bombs and I’m left feeling so stupid. But we talked the whole time, it’s really easy to talk to her for some reason and we talk about all sorts of things too. It was nice to just sit and have a conversation about real issues for once but nothing too serious at the same time, and nothing to do with work either!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Elusive Wii

D got me a big box of chocolates and some Mike N Ikes, and a card from him and a card from Miss H for me for Valentine’s Day…he’s such a sweetie. I’m supposed to be getting him a Wii, so I said that’s his Valentine’s Day present. But I can’t find one anywhere! Nowhere has them in stock, and nowhere knows when they’ll get any more in stock. I have yet to see one in real life. I’ve heard stories, I’ve seen news reports, but I still haven’t actually seen one for myself. It’s like they’re a myth or something LOL Supposedly my sister saw them at the Super Wal-Mart on this side of town but they sure don’t have them now, along with the other two Super Wal-Mart’s in town or Best Buy or Circuit City or Toys R Us…

I wanted to go to Ruby Tuesday’s for lunch really bad…I’m craving a big ol salad. But my friend here at work said she “hates salad and would never ever pay money to eat that for lunch” ok……….. and I called my sister to see if she’d meet me for lunch and my stepmom informs me that she never came home last night. She went out with her friend T that just last week she despised. I love my sister but I’m so tired of this. She will go through this phase where she goes out and parties all the time and is really irresponsible…then she’ll go through a phase where she’s this responsible adult trying to get her life in order. For a few weeks she was the responsible adult. She came over to our house a LOT and just hung out, playing with Miss H. She found a new job she enjoyed. Her and her boyfriend who is Iraq decided to get married when he gets back this spring/summer, so they’re supposedly engaged. She was wanting to go back to school, she was never going out at all. She’s just like my dad. He’s quit smoking and drinking hundreds of times in my lifetime and then the next day he’ll be at it again. I don’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore after all the crap he’s put me through all these years. And it’s really sad but it’s getting to be the same way with my sister. I love her to pieces, she is so fun to be around when she’s in a good mood, and I absolutely love her “adult” phases. It makes me so sad when she changes instantly like that and goes back to her old ways, just like my dad. She’s not answering her cell phone so I have no idea if she’s even ok. She has a history of attempting suicide(twice back when she was in highschool) so that’s always in the back of my mind, and I know how she parties and it’s things I don’t agree with and I’m always afraid she’s going to make some stupid decision that will either get her hurt or in trouble or she’ll do something she’ll really regret. It’s just so frustrating and upsetting…I just wanted her to go to lunch with me, and now I don’t even know where she is or what’s going on. And my stepmom didn’t even seem like she cared at all. I am so sick of this family drama crap. Why can’t they just be normal????

I still feel that big knob on Miss H’s gums on the top. I really think it’s a tooth but she’s not fussy and I can’t feel an actual tooth yet. She won’t let me look at it either. It’s about time she gets some more teeth!!

Lost is on tonight, yay!!!!!!! Hubby and I watched last week’s show that we taped last night after Miss H went to bed. The bad thing is they switched the time to 9:00 and that is when Miss H goes to bed so I miss the whole show while I’m putting her to sleep! American Idol is also on which I’m actually getting into this season for some reason. Is anybody watching Survivor this season?? I missed the first episode last week but I’ve heard it wasn’t very good. I think I’m kind of tired of that whole concept anyway.

I have to say, I HATE fax machines. I don’t know if it’s just me or what but nothing I send EVER goes through. I always get these little reports back every single time saying the number is busy. EVERY TIME. I’m not joking. I have tried to send this one fax like 5 times over the course of a week and it comes back busy! And I’ve tried to fax something else this morning to a different number 2 times and it comes back busy. I really feel like pulling an Office Space number and just breaking the thing to bits.

Monday, February 12, 2007

More baby bragging...

Well Miss H is really into this basket sitting thing. Tonight she climbed into her basket of diaper changing supplies at least twice. Here's a pic of her fat little feet hanging out of the basket...

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Here's a pic of her wearing her pony tail holder as a ring...she did this herself the other day. This pic is right before she sat down, pulled it off her finger and popped it in her mouth. Ignore my ugly hand in the pic, they're so dry from over-washing...

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Honestly I'm so tired I forgot what else I was going to blog about...

Random thoughts...

Ok so it’s mid-afternoon and today has been a horribly busy day at work and my head is already pounding. I don’t know what’s up with these headaches lately. Hubby has been getting them too and he NEVER gets headaches. BLAH

So I’m trying to come up with something to do for D for Valentine’s Day. I still haven’t gotten him a card. I looked at Hallmark a while back and couldn’t find anything. Miss H found one she liked for him though, it has Tweety Bird on it. She really did pick it out, she pointed and pointed “dat!” and I read the inside and it was actually pretty cute. I think I may just get him a card and write something in it about him getting a Wii. I told him if he promised to be the best husband ever and start helping around the house more we could get a Wii with some of the tax money when we get it. Course now he’s thinking he wants an X Box instead. Men… at least he’s not into computer games too, and at least he doesn’t play all the time or anything. But I’m also trying to decide if we’ll do anything this weekend to celebrate Valentine’s Day, or just give each other our cards and call it a day. I don’t want to leave Miss H with anyone overnight so we can go to a late movie…and we’re tired of all the places to eat around here unless it’s one of the really expensive places, and we don’t have the money for that like we used to. So I guess we’ll probably end up not doing anything. But that’s ok too.

I’ve also started thinking about whether or not we’re going to do anything for our 1 year anniversary in July. My mom thinks we should go back to the Lake for a weekend. But I don’t really want to be away from Miss H that long again. It was nice when she was only a few months old because I DESPERATELY needed the rest, but I did miss her while we’re gone and now I don’t particularly feel like going away for the weekend without her. Would it be weird to go away for the weekend and take her??? Hmm….that idea just popped into my head. I’m not a romantic person by any means, it’s not like I’m wanting candle lit dinners or anything like that. We could make it our first little family vacation! I’ll have to remember to talk to hubby about this tonight. The resort we went to was a family resort. Miss H would love it, she could feed the fish and swim in the pools…sounds like a lot of fun!!

There’s another thing I’ve been thinking about lately. Miss H’s first birthday. It’s coming up in a couple months and I’m not really sure what I’m going to do. The thought of having the whole family over to our house really stresses me out. Think of the chaos and the mess they would make on my floors! I know that sounds insane. But I’m not one to have people over to my house unless it’s just a couple people I’m close to or something, like my sister or my mom. If it’s nice we could have it at a park. But what if the weather sucks that day? Also, there’s the family issues. Of course my mom will be there. And D’s parents and his brother and my sister in law with my nephew. But my dad and stepmom won’t come because they aren’t celebrating birthdays anymore. Which is upsetting. And then do I invite friends? Plus, the really big upsetting thing here, is the fact that D won’t be here for Miss H’s first birthday. And he won’t be here for her second birthday either. This really really upsets me. He has a really big important tournament over her birthday both years. He did last year also but he missed it because her due date was the 15th. He kept saying watch I’ll miss the tournament and she’ll be born a week late and I will have missed it for nothing. But of course she was born just a day before her due date, and it was a good thing he didn’t go. But now that means for the next two of her birthdays he’ll be gone. Then he’ll be done with school. Everybody keeps saying oh she’s so young she won’t know the difference. But I do, and I hate it that he won’t be in any of the pictures, and that one day she’ll be old enough to ask why daddy wasn’t there. But there’s nothing I can do about it. Anyway back to the location. Maybe planning it at a park would be the best way to go. And then if it does rain we can do it at the house. At least this year it isn’t so close to Easter!

Ok I don’t know if I have written about this already…but I am in DESPERATE need of a haircut. I hate my hair. I mean I really really hate my hair. It is curly. But not pretty curly. It’s nappy frizzy curly…except on the sides…the sides are fine and almost straight. Unless I wear it in a pony tail, which I do every single day now…then I have these frizzy curly flyaways around my face from where I’ve lost so much hair since I’ve had Miss H. It’s really thick too. Just brushing the tangles out of it in the morning literally gets me winded and makes my arm hurt. Seriously. Especially if I take a shower in the morning and try to brush it wet. That’s almost a joke. I’ve been wanting to get it cut since Miss H was a couple months old but first I didn’t want to get it cut before the wedding, then hubby convinced me not to when he told me how much he loves me wearing my hair down curly. Then October came, and I tried to wear my hair down to the Pumpkin Fest, and it just looked like crap. Thin on the sides and frizzy and BLEGH. And I haven’t worn it down since, except when we got our pictures taken for Christmas and for that I straightened it and it just made my face look fat doing it that way. I was going to make an appointment for this past weekend but then we were supposed to get Miss H’s pictures taken with my nephew and I didn’t want to over schedule our weekend…so maybe I’ll schedule it for this weekend. I’m going to get it cut to my shoulders with a few layers around my face. I got it cut like that a few years back and loved it, it actually looked like I had somewhat of a style. Right now it’s just pretty much all one length, no bangs, and it’s down past the middle of my back. Just the thought of my hair stresses me out! LOL But I cannot WAIT to get it cut…I love getting my hair cut, but it’s something I usually only do about once a year. I love that feeling of my hair being so light and short after it’s been so long and heavy for way too long. Hopefully the cut turns out cute this time!

Ok I think a lot of this post has turned out to be me bitching and whining LOL…I really didn’t mean for it to be that way. But still, I have to gripe about how I’ve gained back 4 lbs. over the last couple weeks. 4 freaking pounds! I know it’s because I’ve been so tired and sick I haven’t been doing much at all…add that to the fact that all that has sounded good to me lately is fast food and it’s no wonder I’ve gained so much weight in so little time. Even if I have been eating hardly anything at all. Well that’s probably another issue. I’m sure my body’s stockpiling every little bit of food it can get. But I just haven’t had an appetite lately! I started to wonder if I wasn’t preggo again because it almost feels like morning sickness and with the exhaustion and everything. But I took a test, and I’m not of course…plus I don’t have the cramping I had with Miss H anyways. I think I just have the winter blues and we’ve been passing a lot of crud back and forth in the family.

Ok here’s a bit of news that is actually good and not at all depressing or upsetting! My father in law is getting his knee replaced the 26th of this month. That sounds like it would be upsetting, but it’s not, because he’ll be in a lot less pain afterwards and be able to do more things…plus, after that he’s not going back to work. Ever! He’s going to retire! I am so incredibly happy for him. He’s got like 6 weeks of vacation built up so he can just take that after his surgery and then he plans on never going back! He’s worked at this one place his whole life, and he’s worked his way up to where he’s a supervisor of some department or something. He’s not quite 65 yet, I can’t remember exactly how old but I know he’s got quite a few years to go til he hits that age. But he’s still financially able to retire already. How cool is that? He’s looking forward to having more time with his grandkids, and to hunt and fish and things like that. And he’s thinking of getting a part time job at Bass Pro, because how cool would that be to work there…and he’d get a discount. So he’s really excited about the whole thing, and we’re excited for him.

Oh my gosh the day is almost over already. I’ve written bits and pieces of this post here and there, and I’ve been so busy with work today that I looked down and it’s already like an hour before quitting time! Thank God it’s gone by fast. I actually have some energy today, hopefully I can go home and get the kitchen cleaned up!

Have a great night everybody!

The weekend...

Well I guess you could say we had a pretty good weekend. Friday night I took Miss H to my dad’s so she could get acquainted with my nephew before we had their pictures taken on Saturday. Once she warmed up to him she had a good time. She was sitting in her chair eating some lasagna for dinner and I asked her “Is that good?” because she was just gobbling it up. She nodded her head “yes”!! She’s never done that before. My sister and I ran to Old Navy and got Miss H a pair of jeans and they did have the swimsuit that I posted a picture of, the little blue one with polka dots, so I got her that. They had a bunch of summer clothes on sale so I got her a few things. Gotta love tax refunds!! By 8:30 or so that night I was actually feeling really horrible, and by the time I got Miss H home an hour later I was really sick. My head was pounding, I felt really hot (I had a temp of 100.5) my stomach hurt, I was really nauseous and I had this purple rash all over my body. Hubby took over and put Miss H to bed for once—he never does this so thank God it went very smoothly. Then he gave me some Ibuprofin, put the heated blanket on me because I was freezing and I fell asleep by 10:30. I was fine the next morning when Miss H woke up at 8:30. I talked to my stepmom later and found out she had used Prego Italian Sausage spaghetti sauce for the lasagna. That was the problem right there. I can NOT eat Italian sausage. I thought it had tasted kind of spicy, that’s why I didn’t eat hardly any of it. But I guess even the tiny bit I ate was enough to make me sick. Saturday morning after we’d been up about 30 minutes Miss H started waving bye bye out of nowhere and went and got her coat. I guess she thought it should be time to go to the sitter’s. My mother in law came over around noon Saturday and brought me Taco Bell for lunch which I thought was really sweet. Then she went with me to get Miss H’s pictures taken with her cousin. That did NOT go well. Right when I sat her on the table next to him he reached over and grabbed her face really hard. He was born at the end of May so he’s a month and a half younger than her but they’re the same size. He’s big, and he’s a bully. My brother and his fiancĂ© teach him to hit, WHY I have no idea. They don’t have the same values and morals as we do obviously. They also don’t work with him, so he’s nowhere close in development to Miss H. And he’s never around other babies, ever, so he is fascinated with them but he just gets way too rough. So that was it, it was over right when he grabbed her, Miss H didn’t want to even sit next to him. We tried to do her by herself and she wouldn’t even do that, she was so ticked at him. They left and she was fine! We re-ordered my mother in law’s pictures because they lost her order from Miss H’s Christmas pics…they gave them ALL to us for free since they messed up!! They definitely redeemed themselves…I tell you I was ready to badmouth that place to everybody, with the way a couple of the employees treated us and the way they lost our pics etc. but the manager is the one we dealt with this time(she is the one that took Miss H’s pics in the first place) and she was a huge help. After that my mother in law took us to Old Navy. She got Miss H so many clothes for her birthday! She got her a couple pairs of jeans, the cutest dark blue and white striped sweater coat(Miss H loves to put this on), a little hat, a new pair of shoes, a pink short sleeved terry cloth swimsuit cover up, a 2 piece swimsuit(hubby says he wants to put her in a 2 piece now because she’ll never be allowed to wear one when she gets older)…I didn’t want her to wear a 2 piece but I compromised. The top is a triangle top which I don’t really care for, but the bottoms instead of being tiny little bikini bottoms that won’t even cover her diaper are boy shorts. It’ll be cute, but she’ll wear the one piece more if I have anything to say about it. :o) While we were there Miss H was drinking a bottle and she handed it to me and I said “are you done?” and she nodded her head “yes.” So she really does know what nodding her head yes means! She’s so stinking smart! Then my mother in law said we needed to look at “big girl” clothes, and she picked out a blue longer knit skirt which I actually LOVE…it’s the same style of the skirts I got from there last year to wear on the honeymoon, and none of them fit because I’ve lost so much weight. And then she found a tank that’s nice and flowy…it’s pretty see-through, but it’s supposed to be a swimsuit cover up…I really like it. She made me try them on for her of course, and decided I had to have them. I think she likes the fact that the shirt she got me for Christmas is my favorite shirt I have right now and I wear it all the time. So I thought that was really nice of her, I don’t have a birthday or anything coming up, it was for no reason whatsoever. After that she came back and hung out at our house. I was exhausted after shopping all day, and hubby had a big headache, but we finally got up enough energy to go rent some movies with his mom and we went to their house. We tried to watch Superman Returns, but Miss H is just way too entertaining. She would sit on her knees with her feet under her butt and just bounce bounce bounce, it was so cute. And she pulled off her sock and then tried and tried to put it back on. She also wanted up on the couch with me. I put her up there and she crawled over to the corner and sat down, with her arm on the arm of the couch, and just sat there. She had this look on her face like “Yea I’m a big girl just hanging out on the couch with the big people.” It was so cute(yea I know I keep saying that). Yesterday her new thing was to climb into the basket that we keep her diaper change supplies in and just sit there. Before I re-arranged the living room hubby said she was sitting in the basket pulling all the stuffed animals out of the basket next to her. She has also started climbing up onto her foam chair and “jumping” on it. We thought we had it wedged securely between the recliner and couch but after jumping off and on all day she must have loosened it because later last night it toppled over and she went over the back of it. I was scared to death, but she was completely fine, didn’t even cry…and she climbed right back on when we sat the chair upright. She’s just changing so fast, she does new things every day and it just amazes me how quickly she’s growing up. She’ll be 10 months old in 2 days and she’s already communicating with us very well, she understands a lot of what we’re saying, she’s into everything…she’s able to get herself Puffs if she wants them(which she calls num nums)…if someone is playing with a toy that she doesn’t want them to play with, she brings it to me for “safe keeping” or hides it behind her back…I could just go on and on about everything she’s learning to do. She acts the same as her cousin who is going to be 2 next month, except for he can walk. She did a couple new things this morning even. I put her coat on her and left her on the floor in the dining room and went out to put her diaper bag etc. in the car. When I came back in she must have decided I was taking way too long because she’d taken off her coat and wandered off to play again. She’s never taken her coat off herself before. Then when we got to the sitters a couple little birds flew overhead and she pointed at them “dat!”(which means “that”….I am always pointing at something and saying “what’s that?” so she points at everything and says “dat”—which reminds me that last night she was pointing at things in her book and saying “dat” and hubby would name the object and she would nod her head yes and then point at something else). She’s seen geese fly right over out heads before and noticed them, back in the summer and fall, but she’s never paid any attention to tiny birds before this…maybe because she hasn’t seen any because it’s been so stinking cold!!! The weather is warmer today, which is nice. It was about 35 this morning when we went out to the car, she loved it. A little breeze blew on her face and she wrinkled up her nose and smiled. I cannot wait for Spring. It’s so sad when 35 and 40 degrees feels halfway decent…I can’t wait for it to shoot up to 60 one day, she’s going to LOVE it!

So all in all it was a pretty good weekend.

This is the skirt my mother in law got me except for in blue…the only picture I could get was black…

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Here’s one of the pairs of jeans she got Miss H…

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Here’s the jeans I bought Miss H…

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Here’s the sweater my mother in law got her, that I also got her in a bigger size…I LOVE this and it looks so cute with her new little jeans I bought her!! She loves to wear this one…

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These are the shoes my mother in law got her…

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They didn’t have the rest of the stuff online so I can’t show pics of them…my mother in law gave her the sweater and shoes now but the rest of the stuff she’ll get on her birthday in April.

Friday, February 9, 2007

Watch for trains!

Ever since I was really little, when we would leave my grandma’s house we would always hear the same thing…”Watch for trains!” She lives in a small town with railroad tracks running right down the middle, like a lot of the small towns around here. So I’ve grown up being really paranoid about train tracks. I hate crossing them, I’m really paranoid about it. A few weeks ago we went to a little town up north to visit my aunt and uncle, see their new house, and see my cousin and her husband and daughter that were in town for the day. Again, a small town with a railroad running through the middle. When we were leaving my mom headed down the road going straight for the tracks. I told her there was a train coming. She said it was far away, and she started to cross the tracks. I told her it was not that far away, and then all of a sudden those bars started closing and the lights started flashing! So she sped up and got over the tracks in plenty of time, but it was still really scary! The next day she apologized to me, said that she’d been thinking about it all night and that she is so upset with herself for doing that and she should not have done it at all but especially since Miss H was in the car. I told her it’s fine, just don’t do it again. Well last night we stopped by my grandma’s after the visitation, and when we left my grandma said they had built a new overpass so we didn’t need to watch for trains anymore if we went all the way down the road before we crossed the tracks. Well my mom wanted to drive through downtown, so of course we still had to cross the tracks. She pulled up to the tracks, slowed WAY down, looked both ways…I finally asked her what she was doing and she said she wasn’t taking any chances this time. No trains are coming, so she starts over the tracks. And what does Miss H say? “Uh oh!” It was perfect timing. We cracked up laughing.

I love this!!

Old Navy got a new swimsuit for little girls in, I love it!! I think this might just be the one Miss H has to have for this summer.

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Thursday, February 8, 2007

It wasn't as bad as it seems

I don't want anyone to think that I haven't been a great mom to my daughter, after my last post...I have ALWAYS taken really good care of her, I have always done everything I needed to do to take care of her and entertain her. I guess it's really hard to explain. Aside from the first month, I really did have fun with her. I loved(love) teaching her new things, and I've always been so proud of how advanced she is and every new milestone she hits. After the first couple weeks I took tons of pictures of her...I still do. I've gone through so many memory cards it's rediculous. I've always loved taking her on walks, and having little baby conversations with her. I talk to her non stop, I always have even when she was a newborn. It just took me a while to fall in love with her, it wasn't that instant love you hear everybody talking about. It took a good 6 weeks for me to start feeling that and it grew every week, every day. I just didn't want people to think I'm some horrible mom, and get the wrong impression of what I was trying to say. I hope it didn't come across that way.

More background and the birth story, finally!!!

Well it’s still cold outside! There are still sheets of ice. I’m still in a bad mood LOL……I really think that at least part of the reason, if not all, that I’ve been feeling so cruddy lately is this weather. I’m not “down” but I’m not in the best of moods either. I get irritated with people easily—not my daughter, I am just more and more obsessed with her every day…but more on that later—and I’m really tired even though I’m getting about 6 hrs of sleep a night which used to be enough…and I’m just in a generally pissed off mood. I don’t want to come to work, I sit here all day not wanting to be here…I don’t even want to go home, because it’s cold there too. I walk outside at lunch and all I can think is “DAMNIT it’s STILL freaking COLD!” I remember what it feels like every spring…when the weather starts getting warmer to where I can roll the windows down in the car on the drive home. I open up the windows in the house and air out all that stale winter air. I love that fresh spring air smell…which this year since we moved will also consist of the smells of Burger King, KFC, the HuHot….but still it’s so nice! All this energy comes out of nowhere in the spring, my mood lifts, my perspective on life brightens…I really really need winter to be over!

Ok on to Miss H and my ever-growing love for her…when Miss H was born, I didn’t have the reaction a lot of new mom’s have. I never did feel a connection to her when I was pregnant. I felt like an alien. I felt I looked like an alien. I enjoyed feeling her move, until she pushed out on my stomach so hard and far I felt like she was bursting though…but even then I thought it was amazing. And I prepared for her birth. I got all the supplies, tried to get everything arranged and organized. And I’m not a stupid person. I knew I was having a baby. But I still didn’t feel that emotional attachment to her yet and even though I “knew” I was having a baby, I still didn’t quite understand. I know that probably sounds very juvenile. The news of my pregnancy came as a huge surprise. We’d just moved in together that month before, after dating for 5 years…we were still young, 22 and 23 at the time(we were both 23 when she was born). We were planning on buying a waverunner because we LOVE going to the Lake and were wrapped up in the plans for that. I had been off the pill for a few months, but we were still using protection. The longest my cycle had been so far was something like 31 days(that was so long ago, I don’t remember exactly all the little details) and I woke up one day to go to work and instantly it popped into my head…hm, I still haven’t started and it’s day 32. I had an extra test around from a 2 pack I bought in a state of paranoia a couple months before. I sat there on the toilet still half asleep, opened the package, peed on the stick, went to set it down on the edge of the tub so I could finish peeing and before I could even set the stick down there were 2 BRIGHT pink lines. I almost passed out and threw up at the same time. I sat it down, and picked it up and looked again, and sat it down…over and over. Hubby(at that time he was my boyfriend) was still in bed. I knew I had to tell him right away. I knew he didn’t want kids for quite a few years, so I was scared to tell him. I remember I went and sat on the floor next to the bed because I couldn’t stand up, and as I hung onto the mattress I said “D, you need to wake up, there’s something I have to tell you.” And he said “You’re pregnant aren’t you?” I said “yea” and he said “alright well I’m going back to sleep.” ?!?!??!!! Back to sleep? Was he kidding??? I told him he couldn’t go back to sleep, how could he go back to sleep at a time like that with what I just found out? And I started freaking out a tad bit, and I think I cried “But what about the waverunner??”……LOL…..ok one of these days Miss H will laugh about that—hopefully anyway. I didn’t really mean that, I was just very confused, very shocked, and not at all prepared for a positive pregnancy test, let alone a baby. The only reason I was taking it was to put my mind at ease that I wasn’t so I didn’t obsess all day at work about it. I had done that countless months, even when I was on the pill. I pulled it together, he told me it would be fine, and that he was really tired and wanted to go back to sleep. So I put on my clothes, went to work, and thought about it all day…I was pregnant, and nobody knew…I had this little secret. And I was scared to death. I went out to my car sometime during the morning and called my OBGYN to make an appointment. I was shocked when they told me they’d schedule it for 8 wks. Are they crazy? I just found out I am PREGNANT, and they want me to wait another month before I can have an appointment to make sure everything’s ok?? Don’t they know this has never happened to me before and I’m freaking out?? They see dozens of pregnant women every day, it’s old hat to them….I finally realized this quite a ways into my pregnancy. So my pregnancy was rough…not physically, I had the normal aches and pains but really it was textbook perfect with no problems whatsoever….but it was rough emotionally. I was embarrassed. Here we had just moved in together and we get knocked up. My mom wanted to know when we were getting married. I wouldn’t even go with D to tell his parents…their response to my brother in law and sister in law when they told them they were expecting(and they were married, unlike us) was “well it’s ok, you’re married!”…….so yea needless to say I was NOT going to tell them. After the ultrasound at almost 8 wks I was relieved. Everything with the baby was perfect. Hubby had known that all along he said…and by the way that very first day I found out I was pregnant, he came home from work that evening with a list of baby names he’d picked out. I thought he didn’t want kids for a few more years? Ok so back to the ultrasound. It made it even more real for D. He was so proud. He took the pictures to his parents’ house while I stayed home and cried because I knew what they were going to say to him. He was so excited, so proud of his baby, and they were going to be so mean. He held up the u/s photos. His parents just burst into tears. And NOT happy grandparent tears. Very upset, disappointed tears. “How could this happen? How are you going to pay for this? Are you quitting school? Well I guess we’re not buying you that laptop we promised you since we’re going to have to be forking over so much money for this baby now.” His mom insisted on coming home with him to talk to me. I was crying when she got there. She thought I was crying because I was upset that I was pregnant. How stupid can a person be. I was crying because my husband was upset, crying because even though I didn’t feel actual “love” for my baby, I was very very protective of it and how DARE they wish it wasn’t here! And I was crying because I was still so sick to my stomach I couldn’t even keep a baked potato down. So fast forward a bit. I was excited about shopping for maternity clothes, but sad at growing out of my old clothes at the same time. I had a few breakdowns over not having anything to wear. I read my pregnancy books every week to see what new developments were happening that week. I was so excited to be able to feel the baby move. But then it was still hard for me to get excited about being pregnant. I got dirty looks everywhere I went. I go shopping with my mom a LOT, she’s my best friend…I think everybody thought I was a pregnant teen, since I look pretty young for my age and didn’t have a ring. My mom was embarrassed by the whole thing. About me being unwed(we got engaged on my birthday by the way, when I was about 5 months along—and his parents were not happy about us getting engaged), about her being a grandma too soon, about issues such as breast pumps (she would giggle and say they looked like milking stations…uh, yea, they pretty much are????) I did have a lot of people supporting us, but it still was not the way I pictured it. We had planned on D getting out of school, us getting married, buying a house, then starting to try for a baby. Then we’d tell everyone we were pregnant and they’d be so happy. And I wouldn’t be able to wait for the baby to get here, and I’d love it so much. Everything was the exact opposite of how I’d planned. His family caused a LOT of turmoil during the pregnancy and after the birth…in the hospital even, but that’s a whole other story. I was so ready to give birth. I did wonder what she looked like, but I didn’t have the feelings that I have read a lot of women describing about loving the baby so much already. I wanted her out of me to see if she had hair, and I wanted her out of me because I was miserable.

Picture of my belly with about a month still left to go...

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She was way down in my pelvis and way up in my ribs at the same time. That last week or so I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was very swollen. My XL preggo shirts were too small. I wanted her out. And then I went into labor. I spent one night in the hospital with contractions that didn’t hurt, but I was vomiting etc. really bad so they kept me overnight w/ an IV(OMG I was SO dehydrated at that point) and then I went home the next morning at 8:00. I called into work and told them I wouldn’t be coming back, and explained what happened the night before. D and I laid down and slept til 10. We woke up and he made pancakes. I was having contractions again. This time they hurt. And they were every 5 to 7 minutes. I begged D not to go to golf practice. He said he had to. He didn’t believe I was in labor after what happened the night before. He left for the course which is about 45 minutes away from our house. I was in labor all day. I talked to my stepmom on the phone for a while, and my best friend…they both helped me time contractions. I couldn’t talk through them. I was feeling a lot of pressure with each one. A couple days before at my weekly appointment I was 1 cm dilated. So I labored all day, alone, just me and the cat. I lost part of my plug. My mom came over after she got off work and brought stuff to make a turkey sandwich…I ate half, and that’s all I could stomach. I finally called hubby about 5:30 or 6 and told him he needed to come home. 45 minutes later he called me and wanted me to put a pizza in the oven for him. I hung up on him. He got home an hour and a half or so after I called him. It wasn’t until weeks after our daughter was born that I found out he’d played a couple more holes before he left because he didn’t believe I was really in labor. I told him when he got home that I lost part of my plug. He told me it was just leftover bleeding from when the dr. checked me earlier that day in the hospital. He ate his pizza and watched tv. My mom called the hospital and they told us to come back in, it was about 9:00 pm. The contractions had been every 3 to 5 minutes for hours and hours. They hurt really bad. The big yoga ball did NOTHING to help. I started to pack my stuff which took forever because I was in so much pain. D sat in the bathroom while I took a shower. Before I got in I went pee again, and this time when I lost the rest of my plug I shoved it in his face and said “see, I told you”……and he freaked and said “honey you’re bleeding you need to go to the hospital!” DUH…men… So I finished my shower and he helped me get dressed. By the time we got to the hospital it was about 11:30 pm. They put me in the observation area and I was a good 4 almost 5 cm. They moved me to a room and D wanted to go to sleep…he wasn’t helping me focus through the contractions like we had planned and practiced, he felt silly he said, and he was so tired. I gave in and got the epidural. I bawled while they were putting it in. And it didn’t help. I could still feel everything, only now I couldn’t move to relieve the pain. I had to lay flat on my back, which killed my already really sensitive tailbone. My water broke just a few minutes after I had laid down and I was about 7 cm dilated. They told us to sleep and turned off the lights. D slept. I lay there in pain in the dark, alone, unable to move. My dad or stepmom would come in to check on me every now and then for a split second and then leave. My mom had it in her head I didn’t want her in there, which was so far from the truth, but I was so out of it with only one goal in mind I didn’t even think to ask for her. I have no idea the timeline that anything happened in the hospital. Before I knew it they were waking D up telling him I was about to push. He almost passed out. I only pushed a few times and she was born at 6:21 am. They had to use the vacuum for my last push because her cord was wrapped around her neck once so she kept moving back up a bit(she was perfectly fine and healthy at birth though thank God). They plopped her on my belly, D cried, I was relieved she was out finally and I just said “it’s a baby”…….I instantly became protective over her, I worried about her. But I didn’t love her. I have to admit it. I’d be lying if I said I did. There is NOTHING wrong with me. I took care of her very well. She latched on right away, she was a very good eater. My milk came in the morning we left the hospital…we stayed 48 hrs. I was exhausted and still in a lot of pain when we got home. I only had one very small tear, which is amazing because I am a pretty small person and she was 7 lbs 1 oz and almost 21 inches long. But I hurt very badly down there. I couldn’t sit(I didn’t feel normal again down there until she was about 6 months old!). D was only home a week before he had to go back to school. Actually when she was only a couple of weeks old he went to a mandatory golf tournament for a whole week, in Florida. I was having a very rough time. She ate constantly. I started resenting her. She would wake up hungry after I’d just fed her 30 minutes before and I would be so mad that I had to feed her again. She didn’t want to do anything all day either, and by the way she was WIDE AWAKE all day…she was NOT your typical newborn. She held her head up from day 1. She slept very little. And she wanted to be entertained and held constantly. If I put her down she would scream and cry. She hated her swing. She hated her play gyms. She wanted me to talk to her all day. And I was exhausted, and had no idea what I was doing, and I had not wanted a baby right now and wasn’t feeling love towards her. It was so hard. At 4 weeks I quit breastfeeding. His family and my mom both had never been around it and I wasn’t feeling the bond you’re supposed to feel while doing it, I couldn’t feel my letdown, and she spit my milk up really bad. We tried formula, and she took to it wonderfully. She quit spitting up, she went longer between feedings(because I was getting so frustrated with how long she took to eat and because she always fell asleep while eating, my milk supply went way down so she was only getting about 2 oz. at a time and that was NOT enough for this girl)…she started eating 4 oz. bottles at 4 weeks and sometimes even more, and never spit it up or got fussy. At about 3 months her gas problems completely went away(she still can toot though, boy!) and she was a happy camper. She was rolling over both directions, she could sit up unassisted for a bit before falling forwards, and only waking up once a night to eat. She was a big baby, very fat cheeks, rolls upon rolls. Nobody believed how old she was. I started to really like her. I took walks with her in the mornings on the weekends, even though I was SO tired still. She loves walks. She had to sit straight up in the stroller…it was insulting to her if I tried to lay her down like a “baby”…how dare I! I started to relax a little. I started to love her. We got married in July, and by that time things were ok…I definitely welcomed the break of the 3 day honeymoon we took at the Lake though. And as much as I missed my little booger I was not ready to come back home. I slept a LOT on our honeymoon. I wore makeup. I did my hair. It was nice. And we went back home and I wanted to go right to bed I was so tired. But she was so happy to see me, she laughed and laughed when we got to my mom’s to pick her up. That next week she started at a new daycare. She loved it there. And I loved picking her up at the end of the day. It gave me something to look forward to. I was still exhausted, and I did hope she’d take a nap when we got home. But I looked forward to changing her diapers and giving her her bottles. And when I would get to the sitters and pick her up, she would laugh hysterically. I started to love her even more. And over time, I’ve developed that giddy, wonderful, all-consuming love for her. I think about her constantly. I love her so much I feel like my heart could burst. I want to cuddle her and kiss her and hug her to pieces. When I’m rocking her to sleep at night with her bottle I find myself wishing I could breastfeed her. It just feels so natural, my body just has that instinct. And it’s the oddest thing, even though I haven’t breastfed for 9 months now, sometimes in moments like that my breasts tingle…like they always said let down was supposed to feel like! I know it might seem weird to some people to wish I could start breastfeeding my 10 month old. I know she’s growing up. I know before long she’ll be on regular milk, and she’s already eating solid food. But I find myself really missing her as a little baby. I hate it that we had such a rough start. I hate it that I had to feel so ashamed about my pregnancy, to the point where it affected my relationship with my daughter. I look at her now, and she is so obviously in love with me too, it just makes me want to cry. She gives me the best hugs, and just in the past few days she has started giving me kisses too. She’s the smartest little thing, she amazes me every day. And it’s just amazing to me to see her growing up before my eyes. I don’t know how I could love her any more than I do right now, but every day I love her a little more than before. Even though it didn’t seem like it in the beginning, she is the best thing that has EVER happened to me. I love her more than life itself. I would do anything for her. I don’t care about all the things I had to go through to have her…none of that matters, because I have her… and that’s all that matters!

And now, even though we won’t be trying for a couple more years, I find myself already in love with our next baby. I picture it being a boy, but I don’t care either way. I can’t wait to be pregnant again, and love won’t be an issue. The family is different now, we’ve all grown very close and ironed out our problems. Everyone will be very happy for us when we announce our news for the next one. And after how I’ve been feeling recently, even though I’d said I will NEVER breastfeed again, I definitely will breastfeed our next one. I can’t wait. I won’t mind getting up every hour to feed the little thing, I won’t mind he or she relying solely on me…I’m looking forward to it! Miss H was NOT a mistake, she was a huge surprise. I always wanted her, I’ve waited for her my whole life. I just had a really hard time dealing with it all. I am sorry about how things went, but I know one of these days she’ll understand. She will have a great childhood, a wonderful life, and she’ll always know that her parents love her more than the world, no matter what!