Sling Giveaway

I've always dreamed of having a good sling to carry Hailey around in. I got one for the baby shower that was purchased at Walmart...I can't remember the brand...but it was very bulky and just didn't work. It's also only for little babies...it wasn't designed to work up into the younger kid years. I want one that will hold my 25 lb. toddler on my hip as well as work for our next newborn! DE Reviews is having a giveaway for a sling that I would LOVE to have! Even if I don't win, I'm seriously thinking of ordering one. They aren't expensive at all, come in a wide variety of colors/patterns and look really easy to use!

Getting on the computer was a bad choice

I had my interview today at 10:00 for the AP job...it only lasted like 15 minutes. My boss told me it was going to be kind of a weird interview because they already knew all my work experience and they're happy with the work I do now, so there wasn't much to talk about. They asked me a couple questions, and a few times my boss said some things that really made me think they already have their minds made up. It's between me and one other lady, and from what I hear from a couple people in the office, they're just interviewing this other lady with the thought that she can take my place after I move up to the AP job. But I'm still not getting my hopes up. Although my boss did tell me after I move up to the AP job they're going to fight with the big head honcho to get my current job moved up a grade to be on the same level as the AP job...he asked me if they did that would I still want to move to the AP job, and I told him yes, and he told me that he thought that was a good decision because if there are budget cuts my current job will be the first to go. So it pretty much sounds like I'm going to get the AP job...but again, not getting my hopes up. They had told the other accountants they wanted to have their decision made by the end of today. So hopefully I will hear something tomorrow! It'll be awesome if I do get it, because that would mean at least a dollar more in pay per hour! I'll be making about $3 more per hour than I was making at the hell hole! That will really help us out this next year...the bad thing is, I don't see how I'll be able to quit working once D gets out of school and gets a job. So it's starting to make me seriously reconsider starting to try for another baby in December, which breaks my heart. D thinks we should still go for it, but I hate going into that being so uncertain about his job situation. What if he can't find anything decent and I have to keep working? We can't afford $1100 a month in daycare. And what if we have to move in order for him to get another job? I'd have to find a new OB and all that right in the middle of my pregnancy. I just don't know...I know it's a long way off, but I'm a planner, and if things aren't planned out I get really stressed. So I'm going to be thinking a lot about all this and worrying, and I'll probably be pissed off and sad off and on because I know what we really should do and it's not what my heart wants... **SIGH**

I'm loving the way Hailey calls me "Mommy" now instead of mama. I love the way she says it "Mom-mee" SO sweet! She'll walk up and pat me and say "Mom-mee" like she just loves me more than anything. Melts my heart every time. And I'm having a hard time not thinking of her as my baby anymore. Like a little chubby baby. She's such a kid now, I mean she's not a baby at all anymore...she's going on 15 months old, and she's getting so big. Will I always call her my baby, even when she's 15, or 30? Is this how all those parents and grandparents out there feel who tell their kids and grandkids "You'll always be my baby!" I look at her Newborn size diaper that I saved and I am shocked...surely her butt never fit in that?? One butt cheek maybe, or maybe not...she does have a bubble butt after all...but of course it did at one time fit her, and it makes me so happy and so sad all at once to think about how much she has grown and changed. And I almost can't picture having a baby that tiny again...and I cannot imagine having a stomach that huge again!!

Spilled her coffee broke her shoelace...smeared the lipstick on her face...slammed the door and said I'm sorry I...

had a bad day again. Friday, that is. It started out a little off. I woke up an hour late, my alarm didn't go off. No biggie, still got to work on time. Had a million copies to make. Stupid contract time. 1200 contracts, 2 copies per contract...ok that's 2400 copies. 1200 schedule copies...1200 copies of some stupid memorandum on the back of the schedule...1200 copies of a letter, 1200 copies of some other stupid sheet. Not to mention the copies I had to redo because the folding machine screwed up a bunch at first, and the lady didn't know what she was doing. I made all the copies. ALL the copies. I'm not stupid. I know A to Z. They were all there. 4 different people folding. 3 different people stuffing, including me after I spent 3/4 of the day copying. One of the payroll girls comes out of their office bitching and muttering something like "stupid people always screw everything up..." I joked with her and said "gosh I hope it's not something I did!" She says "well, actually, I'm missing the whole last half of the alphabet on these contracts." No way. I told her they were all there, that I checked. She says well they aren't now. She was talking about me, right there in front of my face...I was the one she thought screwed it up. Stupid bitch. I'm getting sick of these women all of a sudden. Sick of them backstabbing, sick of how they don't like AP B and H, for WHAT reason I can't figure out, because the reasons they give seem so silly to me. I'm sick of them making fun of people that come into our office for help, or talking bad about them, or people that call on the phone. I'm sick of them not wanting to do their jobs, and not helping people that come in for help! My new job, the one that was so great, has a flaw after all. I'm thinking it's probably best if I do apply for the AP job, that way I won't be doing all their busy work for them that they don't want to do. I can sit in my office, do my work, be nice to everyone but not have to hear all the gossip...and H will be my boss, so that'll be cool. Not to say I'll for sure get the job, I might not. We'll have to see. But I tell you what, either way, I'm NOT going to feel bad about leaving after the other baby is born! It's no wonder our office has such a bad rep! Seriously, I work with a bunch of stuck up you know what's!! So sad...why are some women so catty like that?? Anyway, while stuffing contracts I came across an envelope of an old teacher that I thought was long gone...apparently not, she's retiring this year. I emailed her, and she emailed back and said if I could get off early her retirement reception is at 4:00 at my old highschool. So I got all my contracts stuffed and left an hour early from work, rushed over to pick up Hailey...and I got her in the car, and she starts CRYING. And crying, and crying. Not like throwing her "I don't want to get in the car!" or "I don't want to leave the sitters'!" fit...but like something was wrong. She cried all the way to the school. I get there, nobody's in the parking lot. All of a sudden I felt like it just didn't seem right. I went in anyway. The cop at her little station said very pissily "Can I help you with something??" More like she was saying "what the hell do you think you're doing in here??" I told her I was here for Mrs. S's retirement reception. She said "There isn't any reception going on." More like "ok now leave." I told her that Mrs. S had emailed me and said it was going on there at 4:00. She was getting very irritated with me. I asked her if the office staff would know. She said "They might, but you can't get in there." I told her that I work at the Business Office. She said "What, here??" I told her no, for the whole system. What happened next? She glances down quickly and sees my wedding ring. What the hell does she think, I'm some teen that got knocked up or something? What the frick? Security guy comes out of the office...security guy that I've met at my job...and he DOESN'T RECOGNIZE ME. Cop lady asks him about the reception. He's very rude as well. He doesn't know about any reception. He asks SD (who I sent crap too inner-office mail ALL.THE.TIME) and she's pissy as well! No reception. Talk about pissed. They they kind of walked on either side of me towards the door. Did I look like a freaking criminal? Seriously that school has gone WAY downhill since I graduated...doing all these upgrades, fancy shmancy shit and upping security (that apparently treats students and visitors like complete SHIT)...I got to my car and Hailey's crying again. I re-read the email I printed off. Yea it sounds like she meant that day. I started bawling. I hate it when people treat me like that. I get it a lot. I look really young, I know that. People don't treat teens very well. Esp. ones that have kids. You should have seen the looks and heard the treatment I got while I was pregnant, esp. before we were engaged so I didn't have a ring...esp. when I'd be out shopping with my mom. Women would literally give me horrible disgusted looks. I'm so tired of this crap. What on earth about me makes people think they can treat me like shit?? Why on earth do I deserve that?? Hailey won't stop crying. We're supposed to go to a family friend's house. I get halfway there, my gas light's been on all day, so I stop at the gas station. I thought surely if I got her out and held her, or got her a slushy she'd be fine. I held her outside, in the front seat, in the back seat, got her a slushy and a fruit punch, she didn't want either, she was still crying hysterically. I had to get gas, so I strapped her back in her car seat, her still crying, myself silently crying. I got some gas, while she's freaking out in the back seat. A stupid bitch on a cell phone drives right behind me while I'm trying to back out and honks at me really loud. I cried more. Finally, as I'm back on the country road, Hailey falls asleep. I called the family friend to tell her we're not coming. My phone died. I got home, tried to put Hailey in her crib and she woke up hysterical again. This went on for hours. My heart was breaking, something was obviously wrong but I couldn't figure it out. She didn't have a fever, I checked her all over for bites or cuts, I took her pony tail out, checked her private parts, checked her gums for new teeth, she wasn't pulling at her ears...I gave her Tylenol, that didn't help. Finally I came to the conclusion she must have a tummy ache because she was refusing all liquids which she never does. Esp. if it comes in a bright shiny package w/ a straw. I called my mom and cried to her. I needed help. She came over, Hailey clung to me, thrashing around on my lap. Finally she fell asleep on my chest, after about 3 1/2 hrs. of crying. I fell asleep...I was drained after the day I'd had. My mom let us sleep. I woke up about 30 minutes later and tried to lay Hailey on the floor on her blanket and pillow. She tossed and turned. I thought to myself OH no, she's going to wake up and start crying again...but she turned over and smiled at me. And then she got up on all fours, pointed at the cat and growled. My Hailey was back. Just like that. She was fine. She ate a tiny bit of soup, drank some water. She played. Went to bed again and hour and a half later and slept all night til 7:30 this morning when I woke up to her yelling "Mine! Mine!" She hasn't eating as much as usual today, compared to what she usually eats...a lot less...but she's doing ok. Drinking like normal, pooping and peeing, fighting her naps for me. She was in bed by about 9:30 tonight. I have no idea what happened. She has never EVER cried like that before. It broke my heart. I prayed to God to make whatever was hurting her feel better. I prayed she would be able to fall asleep so she didn't have to hurt anymore. I hope that never happens again.

So there was my shitty shitty Friday. Nice huh? Well at least I don't feel bad about leaving work anymore, so that whole dilemma is gone. No more feeling guilty over that. And I don't hate my job, or dread going in Monday, don't get me wrong. But I am finally realizing it's not quite the dream job I'd hoped. At least I know I only have another year and a half or so until I can leave there and stay home with my kiddos.

Hubby has been amazing lately. (speaking of hubby, I used to hate that word before I was married...it really irked me when people used it...hubby...blech...and now that I'm married, well, he's my hubby...) Anyway, he's continued to help around the house, continued to be very loving and supportive...the one highlight of my day Friday was that he met me for lunch and we had so much fun. Today he slept in til 11:00, and about 12:30 we started cleaning the house. My mom picked Hailey up at about 2:00 or so and took her to look at toys at Walmart. We rearranged the whole living room and threw so much crap away, vacuumed under everything, got rid of a lot of clutter...I cleaned the whole bathroom, even washing the rugs and shower curtain. It feels amazing. And hubby didn't bitch a single time! Not even when his parents came by to watch Hailey and we went to Walmart...and he HATES shopping...so today has been much better. Time with Hailey, my house a bit more clean/organized, an amazing wonderfully helpful loving husband, and I get to sleep in tomorrow!

Hailey's been waking up wet in the mornings...I think she'd sleep longer maybe if her diaper didn't leak. We've been putting her in the cheapo Target brand, just because they're cheap. Yea they're not as good as White Cloud. Walmart was out of those last time though. I bought another box today, but I also bought a package of Huggies Supreve Natural Fit to use on her at night. OH MY GOSH. Have you all used these? I am a Huggies Hater. My SIL was SO pro huggies with my nephew...she even bought the Huggies baby washes and everything...I was determined to do things differently...I was a Pampers user. Swaddlers all the way. Then Cruisers. Then we got poor, so I started using White Cloud which we really like. But seriously, have you used these Huggies Supreme?? Oh my...I pulled one out of the pack tonight and opened it up and it was like freaking underwear. Cutouts to fit the legs so the diaper doesn't bunch up between the legs and sag down almost to the knees...and stretchiness, oh my gosh the stretchiness! And soft! I am shocked. I thoroughly enjoyed putting this diaper on my daughter. And I felt good as I was rocking her to sleep, knowing she was in her soft comfy britches. If these hold her pee(which I've been told they should, that's why I bought them, at the recommendation of a friend who has tried EVERYTHING on her son to keep him from leaking at night...even maxi pads in his diaper!) I may have just been converted to a Huggies user. **GASP** But how can I afford it? I may have to find a way...my daughter deserves luxury britches.

http://www.huggieshappybaby.com/products/index.aspx?diapers

Good gosh it's already 10:30...

And it begins...

Most little girls I know are talkers. They'll talk your ear off. Honestly sometimes my niece drives me nuts because she WILL.NOT.SHUT.UP. Hailey is talking non-stop these days. She pops out new words every day. Here is the list, thus far...

~mama
~dada (sometimes shortened to da)
~uh oh
~ite (for bite)
~more(when she wants another bite of something, or when she wants some food...and now she says this while clapping...is that the sign for more or something??)
~mine (oh she loves this one)
~ball
~bird
~boon (for balloon)
~hi (which she says to everyone and every animal, all the time, with a huge smile on her face--and she also loves talking on the phone, telling whoever it is "hi" a bunch and then blabbing a bunch of gibberish)
~hot tea (I got her a plastic mug for Easter and told her it was hot tea, so she goes around trying to find her "hot tea" and sips on it and then says "aaah" like it was good)
~papa (much to the delight of her papa's...she's melting their hearts)
~Gugga (what she calls my mom)
~paci
~bye bye
~fish
~bug
~weee!
~baby
~huh?
~mama kiss
~bub you(love you)
~chalk
~bye
~bayo--pronounced "buy-o"--(in a singy voice, because I sing this to her when I'm rocking her before her naps on the weekends...just like my grandma sang to me)
~shoes(which she loves to wear...and lately her new thing is to wear OUR shoes...she puts them on her feet and wants us to walk her around)...right now she's at the front door playing with all the shoes!

She also sings made up songs, which I find highly amusing and adorable. She still barks "ar! ar!" and growls at every dog. She's wanting to walk everywhere. She loves pushing the cart at WalMart. And she looooooooooooves Cheerios. I think she's gonna turn into a Cheerio. She eats them all day every day. And constantly asks for more. She's also drinking whole milk now, which means I don't have to buy any more formula, YAY!! She also loves brocolli/cheese/rice/tuna casserole that I make, and strawberries and yogurt. And of course goldfish. As we speak, she just dropped her bowl of Cheerios on the carpet, making them fly everywhere, and exclaimed "uh oh!" It's ok, she'll just them off the floor...don't judge me. Something new she's started doing this week that I LOVE, is getting into her own car seat! All I have to do is put her in the seat next to her car seat and she'll climb up and turn around and sit right down for me to buckle her in! Such a good little girl. She STILL will not play by herself, however. She never has been one of those kids that'll sit and play by herself, with her toys, or watch tv...she hangs on me all day, bugging me, wanting me to play with her and entertain her. I love her to pieces, but this gets tiring. It's so hard to get anything done, and it's part of the reason I hardly ever get to get on the computer. As I type this, she's standing at my knees pulling down the screen of the laptop and laughing like crazy. She has all these toys, TONS of toys, and she won't even play with them unless I'm playing WITH her. But my mom said I was the same way as a kid. And I don't mind playing with her. But my house is less than clean/organized and there are piles of clean clothes sitting around everywhere...but frankly I don't care. If all you care about is having a clean house, well sorry but that's just pitiful. With that said, I do have to note that I am purging...is that the right word?? Anyway, I'm getting rid of a lot of crap. I'm taking a bunch of my clothes to a store that will pay me for them and then resell them...I'm doing the same with some of Hailey's things, like this bath seat she refused to ever sit in--I'm taking her stuff to a Children's Orchard. And the rest of the junk I get rid of I'm giving to goodwill. I'm tired of clutter and we just don't have enough storage to keep everything.

Ok on to other things...Thursday my bosses took us all out to lunch at a fancy restaurant. We were gone for 2 hours, the food was amazing, and everyone is so nice! Nothing like the lunches or dinners we'd have w/ the people at the hell hole, where everybody sat not talking and eating their food. Thursday's lunch was actually fun! Everybody talked and laughed, and at the end we ordered 3 huge desserts and everyone passed them around the table and shared.

Ok I have to cut this short and go give Hailey a bath. She was standing in the kitchen sticking her fingers down her throat over and over and over and laughing when it gagged her and then she threw up...LOVELY...see what I mean? This girl is high maintenance. And after she threw up all over her feet and the kitchen floor, she gagged herself some MORE and STILL laughed because it's just SO FUNNY! So off to a bath we go...sigh...

She done got P-nuemonia

I'm home with Hailey today. My gut instinct was that I needed to stay home with her, that she should not go to daycare. She's been pitiful today. Still coughing and wheezing, feeling hotter than usual. I took her to the dr. again today for them to check up on her. He said she can go outside if she wants if it's not too hot, which is great because she's been BEGGING to go out. She'll go to the front door and stand there smacking the door knob, screaming.

While I'm thinking of it, I need to document the fact that I remembered a few more words she can say(these may be repeats from the list before??)...hopefully I'll be updating her baby book soon, and it helps to be able to go back and read this because I have a horrible memory! I can't remember squat!

~fish
~bug
~weee!
~baby
~huh?

The sitter just called...her 1 year old son, Hailey's bestest friend in the whole wide world, also has pnuemonia. Seriously do these 2 have to do EVERYTHING alike? Pnuemonia isn't contagious. They must have caught some cold virus and coincidentally they both developed pnuemonia from it. Poor babies!

All I can think is oh God, my grandma has got to be looking down at me from heaven shaking her finger and chastising me for letting my daughter get P-neumonia. For the record, no I do not know how to correctly spell that word. Just bear with me. Jeez is that the correct "bear"...or is it "bare"?? I was awesome at English in highschool, I promise. But like I said. I can't remember squat. Anyway my grandma always warned us to "wear a jacket so you don't catch P-neumonia!" And she said it like that, saying the letter "P"...P nuemonia. She was so funny. So now all I can think is oh God I done went and let my daughter get the P Neumonia. What a mommy I am. SIGH

Hailey has been talking non stop today. This morning she rambled off a long story, of which I understood nothing, and then sat there looking at me saying "huh?" "HUH?" Increasingly louder and more and more impatient every time, til I said "YEA!" and that apparently satisfied her that I'd heard her story. They learn and change this quickly, seriously? New words pop out of her mouth daily, I can't even keep up. I can't even begin to describe how much she has changed even in the last week.

In other news....I'm now on Chapter 7 of The Giver. It's getting good! Also, my house is fairly clean! Even under the circumstances, I did quite a bit of picking up/cleaning yesterday. I'm now almost to the bottom of the one-time mountain of laundry I had!! YAY! Of course now I have these piles of folded clothes sitting around all over my bedroom and living room. But hey at least they're clean. Also, it's at least 85 degrees outside today...it's so friggin hot. I don't see how I'm going to get Hailey through the summer without her skin getting darker. Even with me slathering her with sunscreen, it still tans her skin a bit :o(

Ok I have a headache, crap.

Is a title really necessary??

She's doing ok today. Her temp was only about 99. Nothing like last night. She ate some breakfast at lunchtime and an applesauce while we ate lunch...hot dogs, again, just like last night. I'm so over my hot dog craving. Good thing they're gone. Now she's napping. For a while on me, til I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Then my mom took over. Then for a while in her crib, til she woke up asking for her grandma. Now they're rocking in her bedroom again. And she's coughing her horrible cough off and on and wheezing while she breathes. I'm worried about sending her to daycare tomorrow. I know my new job would understand if I couldn't make it in, under the circumstances. But I don't have a whole lot of sick/vacation time yet, and being done one day would wipe that out. Plus she has a dr. appointment Tuesday. I hate this whole "working mom" bit. It's not the way I pictured things. I'm supposed to be a stay at home mom, that was how my life was supposed to go. We're seriously working towards that goal. One of these days, hopefully. But who knows what kind of job D will be able to get...I don't even have a clue what kind of job he'd go for, w/ the degree he's getting(natural resource/wildlife mgmt.). And will it pay well enough? I want to have another baby when Hailey's 3, but will I be able to stay home by then? Somehow I think not, esp. if we ever want to buy a house and get out of debt. I could do home daycare, but honestly that's not what I really want to do. I want to take care of MY kids. Hopefully my baby will be better soon. I have a feeling she'll be sleeping with us again tonight. Which is fine...I just want her to feel better.

Lately I've been re-reading my childhood books. Usually I'll pull one off Hailey's book shelf as she's napping on my chest on the weekends. A while back when she had that ear infection I re-read The BFG by Roald Dahl. Now I'm reading The Giver by Lois Lowry. I love books. I miss reading. It just takes time. Like everything else. Time that I don't have. But I'm trying. I have 1 hour lunches now, I think I'll start taking my books and reading at lunch. I remember now what this book, The Giver, is about...it was one of my favs growing up. Speaking of this book, I'm off to read...I'm tired of the computer for now. Hope everyone is having a better weekend than I am! Really, it hasn't been that bad, aside from Hailey being sick. Even D said a bunch of times yesterday what a great day we'd had together. We can't wait for him to be around all the time and have great days every day!

Things went downhill so fast

Yesterday Miss H woke up from her nap at 6:00 or so with a 102.3 fever. I took off her clothes and tried to give her a cool bath. She cried, so I gave up on that idea and rocked her a bit. Finally I thought she might be hungry so I had D bring me a container of her soup, and I showed her her new Busy Ball Popper toy and gave her some Ibuprofin and cold medicine. She was happy as pie. She ate like a pig, laughed and giggled and had a blast with her new toy and she even insisted on going outside to walk around and around the cars as she laughed and giggled. She was still smiling as we put her to bed. But a couple hours later we heard her wimpering in her sleep. I went to check on her and she was burning up. I pulled her down from the corner of her crib, where she had her face smothered in her bumper, and she wimpered and scooted right back to the corner. I went to talk to Dan. She was coughing like crazy. He went to check on her, and tried like I did to pull her down. She woke up freaking out, screaming and crying. I picked her up and rocked her. She laid on my chest...she was breathing so fast and hard, and she'd stop every once in a while like she was kind of struggling. And she was mumbling something, with her eyes closed. We took her temp again and it was 103.7 or something crazy like that. We called the hospital. They listened to her breathing over the phone, called Hailey's pediatrician to ask him what to do, and he said bring her in to the ER right away. We went in, and by then she had a 104.1 temp and they were really worried. She kept wanting too just go back to sleep. They had me give her a full dose of Tylenol AND Motrin at once to bring her fever down, and she was in nothing but a diaper. They had a pediatric intensive care unit nurse come in and look her over. He strongly suggested we go ahead and get the blood work going and get an IV in her before the dr. even sees her. That was horrible. She cried and cried while I held her down, and looked around at everyone but me like she couldn't figure out what in the heck was going on. Finally they were done with that, and I was able to hold her again. I was sweating from holding her, she was so hot. We put a cool rag on her forehead and back over and over. They wanted chest xrays. I had to hold her down for that as well and the nurse got pissy when my hand somehow got in the way in one shot even though it was nowhere near my daughter?? I told the other nurse that was seeing Hailey that she needed to tell me if my hand was going to be in the way, not bitch to her assistant about it right in front of me. I got really pissy. I grabbed my daughter off the table and left the room. He apologized and said sometimes people get burnt out and get pissy about EVERYTHING and really need to leave their jobs and find something new to do. No joke. They all couldn't believe it was my first baby, with the way I was handling her. One nurse(we had 3, they were all so worried) even went so far as to tell Dan I was an amazing woman and mother. Eventually after about an hour the Tylenol and Motrin kicked in, and she was a different kid from when we brought her in. She insisted on walking out into the hall, in nothing but her diaper and pink socks, IV in tow. She wanted to sit in the chair in the hallway all by herself, and yelled at people as they walked by, calling a couple of the young male nurses "dada" much to my husband's dismay. She was still wheezing, and coughing her deep rattling cough, but she had no problems showing the dr. her belly button or making hilarious faces at everyone that walked by. Then the dr. came over to tell us what was wrong...what was making our baby so sick. She listened to him so intently, like she was absorbing and understanding every single word he said. She has pneumonia. It came on so fast. They started her antibiotics through her IV. They were really hesitant, but based on how she was acting(she eventually crashed from all the excitement and things she'd just put her through) and they decided to send us home. They almost kept her overnight. She slept through the nurse taking out the IV and pulling off that horribly sticky tape. She was so tired now that she was feeling somewhat better. We went by Walgreen's to pick up her presription and we got home about 4:30. I rocked Hailey to sleep like normal and tried to put her in her crib. She was out. But the second her body touched that crib mattress, she woke up screaming and freaking out. No way was I making her sleep all alone after what she'd just been through. I took her to bed with us, without any hesitation, and she slept between us all morning. D had to get up to go to the Lake to play golf w/ the golf team. He really did NOT want to go, but he had to the poor thing. So H and I slept this morning, and I never noticed her coughing except maybe a couple times, and her bare arms are actually cold now so I think her fever has stayed down. She's still asleep and it's 11:30. My mom is on her way over to help us out today. Hopefully when H wakes up she's in a good mood and feeling better. I was so worried last night. I just want my baby better, I'm tired of her being sick all the time. I just don't understand it. And how she can go downhill so fast like that. It was so scary. My poor little Peanut.

Seriously, TGIF already??

First off, before I forget...I thought of a few more things to add to the "Hailey" info. She's been playing with her dolls for a few months now, and she'll put them up on her shoulder and pat their backs, or hug them while saying "awww"...or her stuffed animals, or anything that she feels like hugging, she'll hug and say "aww"...it's too cute. Another thing we found out about her last weekend. Dogs do not scare her. We took her to the vet clinic my friend's parents own after they had closed on Saturday and let her see all the animals. My friend wasn't going to take us into the dog room because of the big barking dogs in the cages, but Hailey kept pointing and wanting to go. First we looked at the birds, then the cats which she LOVED and didn't want to leave. Then finally I told my friend I thought we should try the dog room...I want Hailey to get used to dogs and not be nervous around the big ones like I am. She did WONDERFUL! I was so proud! There were dogs barking all around her, up high, down low, everywhere and she just looked and looked, never acting scared or nervous or anything. I think she was just thinking "wow, I never knew there were so many dogs in the world!" She looked amazed. And every time she sees a dog, be it on tv, walking down the sidewalk, anywhere, she'll bark "ar, ar!" so she was just in heaven. I'm going to start taking her by the clinic more often so she can get even more used to all the animals. And something she started doing today, she now says "weee!" as she's purposfully falling off something, like her little fold out blow up couch. She'll fall off and say "weeee!"...so cute. She's been doing really good going to bed by 8, which is resulting in a MUCH happier baby and no more throwing up since Tuesday when she threw up all over me at the sitters because she was so exhausted. She's not sick, just too tired at times because of this new schedule. But it's finally on track, and it's great.

Ok, on to other things...it's so weird not being able to post every day like I used to, and I try so hard to read your blogs but I just don't have much time...so when I do get to read, I rarely have time to comment! I am keeping up on all your lives though...so if you're reading, here are some comments people! Sorry, faster than putting on individual pages. Hope Lani is feeling better, and that's so neat that she's talking so much already! I love how she says "dat", Hailey said that also! I have a feeling they would be buddies if they were to meet :o) Kristin, that is awesome that you're making the gym employees nervous. I agree w/ the others, you should totally start your own business! Ashley, WHERE ARE YOU?? :o) I don't know who else is reading my blog at this point, as I never have time to check my stats anymore. If you're newer, leave me a note. I've been checking out the newer blogs, I love them, and thanks for those of you who are newer and have left me comments!! I'm sorry I haven't commented on your blogs, but I have checked them out and love them! Ok I don't have much time, need to get to bed, so on to other things...my posts are always so random aren't they...

Ok so I just found out that I will NOT have the whole weekend with hubby like I thought I was going to. He made regionals so he will have not 1 more but 2 more tournaments before the season is over. So he'll be practicing his butt off this weekend...instead of spending time with Hailey and I and helping me clean house like he promised. I am so happy for him but I am so sad/upset at the same time. I was really looking forward to this weekend. We never see him anymore because he gets home after we go to bed...and this place needs some cleaning up. I couldn't stand it a couple nights ago and stayed up til 9:30 cleaning the kitchen floor on my hands and knees. And now he'll be gone another weekend he was supposed to be here, for the tournament he just got into. And then Florida for 5 days. COME ON will this season never end??? Um while I'm at it, it's more like COME ON will his schooling never end?? One more year, I keep telling myself only one more year...

My friend J and I are now talking again. We reconciled, she apologized for being a turd back in September and I forgave her and we're talking again which is really nice. We've been friends since 4th grade. It was eating at me this whole time that we had parted ways because she'd become such a bad friend. Anyway she's come over a few nights, and she came over tonight and took Hailey and I out to Olive Garden to eat. Never mind that I had it for lunch too, and ordered the exact same thing for dinner (soup salad and breadsticks!)...I've been craving it for a week now, and I would be NUTS if I turned down a free meal! Hailey had a blast. And she still went to bed fairly early tonight, at 8:30. And since then I've been doing dishes, laundry, picking up, reading blogs, etc. So busy, so tired. What else...oh yea I have a swollen gland in my neck. You can't see or feel it, but it's sure swollen alright, and it hurts for me to swallow...not like a sore throat, but like it hurts down in my neck. SUCKS balls, let me tell you. I'm staying doped up on Ibuprofin, it's helping some. Oh at dinner tonight we tasted the special wine of the evening, or whatever you call it...the waiter didn't even know what it was called, so classy, he was like "would you like to try our um, I don't even know what it's called, um, ....wine?" We said sure. So awesome, I didn't get carded for once. And oh man that little taste was SO good. I haven't had wine FOREVER. J and I made plans to go to the winery and sit on the bluff tops sometime in the near future. Also, she wants us to come over to her boyfriend's house to grill some weekend. Sounds like fun. I've never met her boyfriend, but he sounds nice. And yay, free food that I don't have to cook! And good grown up adult company! And they don't mind Hailey running around either! Sounds great...

I know I had other things to write about, but I'm so tired I don't even remember. This is how my life is these days. I love my job, and I even love our new schedule, but until D is done with this season I will continue to be this busy and worn out and overwhelmed. So I'll try to post when I can, and read when I can! OH yea and seriously is it Friday already tomorrow? This week has FLOWN by. It's crazy. Alright gotta go fold some clothes...

Miss Hailey

Well I thought it was about time that I post an update on Miss Hailey, and all the wonderful (and some not so wonderful) things she can do now. It's a beautiful day today, so we went on a morning walk after breakfast. This is how she insists on riding in her stroller...and I don't make her sit because it's just not worth the meltdown...



And this is her riding her new tricycle my mom got her for her birthday...she's a daredevil...



And this is her Sanjaya hair she woke up with one morning(by the way, SO glad he's finally gone from Idol!).....love it...



Alright, now that I've got the pictures out of the way...first of all, her vocabulary is rapidly expanding, and it's so cute. Here are all the words she can now say:

mama
dada (sometimes shortened to da)
uh oh
ite (for bite)
more
mine (oh she loves this one)
ball
bird
boon (for balloon)
hi (which she says to everyone and every animal, all the time, with a huge smile on her face)
hot tea (I got her a plastic mug for Easter and told her it was hot tea, so she goes around trying to find her "hot tea" and sips on it and then says "aaah" like it was good)
papa (much to the delight of her papa's...she's melting their hearts)
Guga (what she calls my mom)
paci
dye dye (bye bye)

She's also barking at any dog she sees, be it on tv, in real life, in a book....she says "ar! ar!" in the cutest little voice...she sounds just like a little dog barking, it's too cute!

She has grown into a little kid all of a sudden...she's a toddler now, through and through. She's mimicing a lot of what I do. When I yawn, she fake yawns. If you try to give her something she doesn't want, she'll shake her head no. If you ask her "Hailey, do you want another fry?" she'll shake her head no if she doesn't want one. She's understanding most of what we say. I tell her to go get her shoes, and she does. And then she tries to put them on, and gets frustrated when she can't. We have to spell out words like "O U T" so she doesn't get mad thinking we're going outside when we're not. Or "W A L K."

Hailey loves wearing shoes. She loves shopping for shoes, and trying them on. She's a shoe girl. She also likes putting clothes on herself, and taking them off. If I'm folding clothes she'll come over and sort through the pile til she finds an item of clothing that catches her eye. Then she puts it on her head and crawls up and down the front hallway, like she's modeling it. She does this every time! The other night she modeled a pair of my polka dot underwear, on her head. Last night she modeled a pair of my pj pants for my in-laws...on her head. One night last week she modeled one of her little dresses, over her head and face(thankfully it's pretty sheer so she could still see where she was going!) She also loves shopping for clothing. Adult clothing, baby clothing, anything as long as she's shopping. Walmart and the mall are 2 of her favorite places. In Walmart she's usually not content to sit in the seat and hold my list anymore. Oh no. She has to stand in the basket(yes I know there are signs on the cart saying not to do this...frankly I don't care...I did it as a kid, and she will too) and she rearranges the groceries for me. If I'm not paying attention and get her too close to a shelf, she'll also do a little shopping of her own. One day she thought we needed 2 boxes of Cascade. I had to explain to her we don't use the powdered version. That was a good enough explanation for her evidently because she tried to put them back on the shelf.

Hailey loves to shake her booty. She'll stand up and hold onto something and bounce up and down, shaking her booty. We tell her "shake your booty, shake your booty" and she just stops and grins. She loves dancing to music. She bobs her head and shakes back and forth. It's too cute.

Hailey climbs on EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. Her infant swing is a trapeze to her. She loves climbing up onto the couch, then up onto the window sill, where she stands and watches the kids play outside. My mom told me she'll be one of those kids that one of these days I'll find on top of the fridge, and have no idea how she got up there. YAY.

She's working on her walking. She loves to walk around holding our hands now, where she never used to have any interest in doing that before. She's taking 5 or 6 steps on her own now before plopping back down. She's also doing a lot better using her push toy...now if she runs into something like a wall, she can pick it up and turn it and keep going.

She's going through a no-veggie phase right now. Which is odd because that's all she used to want to eat! She still LOVES her fruit and yogurt and grains and cheese, etc...but even if I try to hide a carrot in her mashed potatoes, she'll find it and spit it out. There's no fooling her.

Every day when we get home Hailey grabs my keys from me and points them at the mail box. She wants to do it all on her own, and gets very angry if I try to help her...she'll throw the keys on the ground. After we finally get the mail, she'll point the keys at the front door. Again, wanting to do it herself. She's so independent in everything she does. If I try to hold onto her to make sure she doesn't fall off something, she grabs my arm and throws it away from her. Or she'll hit me. Everybody's worried at what a temper she has already. She comes by that honestly, with my family, but no one expected her to develop one so soon. She can be so sweet and dainty, and everybody tends to love her and gush over her...but she can also throw some mean fits, and she'll haul off and hit a person if they're annoying her. Ok come to think of it, she's basically me made over. I tend to be really sweet and nice and likeable but if you piss me off or get on my bad side oh Lord watch out. Or if I'm hungry, I get pretty mean when I'm hungry...and so does H. Well at least I know how to deal with her, being that way myself! :o)

That topic brings me to another development...temper tantrums. Or fits, or meltdowns, whatever you want to call them. I'm talking laying flat on her belly on the floor, kicking her legs and screaming and crying like we're murdering her. All because I took a pair of nail clippers away from her. Luckily this only happens a couple times a week. And I'm fine with it. But if we're in public, other people tend to look at you like you have a horrible kid. Which makes me run my mouth a bit sometimes, unless I'm having a really good day and then I just smile.

Another new development...Hailey will not brush her teeth. She won't let me in her mouth. Not even to feel for new teeth. She hates it, gags like crazy and hits me and cries. How am I supposed to keep her teeth clean?? She used to LOVE brushing her teeth. Not anymore... which reminds me of something else...she GRINDS her teeth. I cannot stand that sound, it gives me the willies. How do I get her to stop? I usually pop her pacifier in her mouth. Will she get used to her new top teeth and just stop eventually?

One thing I love...she naps in her crib now! I can rock her for a few minutes, lay her in her crib, and she rolls over and goes to sleep. And she sleeps so well in there! She never used to nap well on the weekend. Not anymore. She LOVES her crib. At night when I head towards her room to put her to bed she gets really excited and waves at her crib. We're reducing her bedtime bottle...she'd down to about 1 or 2 oz. Then I rock her for a bit, tell her our night night routine that I tell her every night, and I lay her in her crib and she falls asleep. She is living proof that rocking your kids or giving them bedtime bottles at night etc. does not always have the horrible effects everyone says. She feels secure at night, goes to bed very easily, does not need to be asleep before I put her in her crib...and she doesn't need a bottle at night either, even though we always nursed or bottled her to sleep before. It's so nice! Her bedtime has always been so stress free. No crying, no fuss. And it only takes about 10 to 15 minutes for the whole process. So nice...

Well I can't think of much else right now. That's pretty much Hailey in a nutshell. I'm sure I could go on about her for hours, detailing every little thing she does, but I won't bore you with that. I just hadn't bragged on my baby much lately, and since she's a year and a week old now I figured it was about time :o) She's wonderfully wonderful and we love her to pieces!

How's this for random

First off, someone asked about the shooting that happened close to here. Two cars full of teens/20 somethings were at an intersection about a mile or so from my house, if that even, on a very busy road. They began exchanging gunfire. A 17 year old was shot. The car he was in fled a few miles down another road where they were stopped by cops for driving too close to a car in front of them. The officer saw the boy in the passenger seat had been shot and radio'd for backup. They then stopped the other car around the original spot that the shooting occured. The 17 year old died. I live in a good area. And this happened right down the road. We aren't safe anywhere anymore. And what gets me is there were all these reports on the news with his family and friends saying the kid that died was such a good kid, such a wonderful kid...but yet he'd been arrested 15 times...at 17 years old...and was shooting at people. But yea he was a great kid...come on! I'm sorry if I seem un-sympathetic. I'm sorry he had to die. But if he wasn't stupid enough to get involved in something like that, he'd still be alive now wouldn't he. And he along with all his other buddies and rivals shouldn't have put other people in danger like that. How freaking selfish can a person be. And what's more, what on earth was so horrible that they had to go and shoot at each other? Seriously? Oh and here's another tidbit of info on these "good kids"...the driver of the car that the 17 year old was riding in was 20 years old and had been arrested 60 times already. 60 times! How does that even happen?? I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. But all I can think about is my daughter. What if we were sitting there at that stoplight. What if a bullet went astray and instead of hitting that hoodlum it hit my daughter...I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for those kids.

Ok onto other things...Hailey threw up twice last night, once on my mom's lap and once after we'd just gotten her cleaned up and got her new jammies on. She didn't have any diarea today, and she hasn't thrown up so far tonight and she's been in bed about an hour. Wish us luck. I hope she's better. I feel so bad for her, she's so tired and she keeps losing out on sleep when she wakes up and throws up. It doesn't seem like the throwing up really bothers her, it's just the lack of sleep. We cancelled her birthday party for tomorrow and we're just going to have a nice restful low key weekend.

I still love my new job. I've already gotten close to some of the girls. Preggo and I can already talk about anything...today we had a conversation about diarea and constipation. :o) I'm so glad I'm fitting in there! Today the only reason I saw my boss at all was because I had to ask him a question about a deposit I was keying...the account code wasn't in the system. Complete opposite of the crap my old boss put me through. She was always up my ass. I love it, I am so happy there!

I am so tired. I'm just worn out. I had a really heavy/late period this month even though I'm on the pill...I think it's sapping my energy...that and I've gotten like no sleep and I've been trying to get crap ready at home for a party that isn't going to happen now. I'm just so tired. My body is achy and worn out. Oh yea and I have another small cold, BLAH...hopefully next week we'll ALL feel better...oh yea hubby has a bad cold too. You know how men are, when they're sick they're OH SO pitiful. I made him go to the dr. today, he doesn't have strep. He still went to school and golf practice. He seems to be feeling better now. He told me he'll get up with Hailey tomorrow morning so I can sleep til 11:30, but then he's got golf practice at 1:30 because his stupid coach doesn't understand why anyone would ever want to spend any time with family...grrr...then Sunday I'll get up with her so he can go turkey hunting that morning with his friend. I'm so looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. YAY!!

I've been thinking about a few things for days and haven't had time to write about them. When I was younger I used to love going to garage sales with my grandma and aunt. We had so much fun. One time I found a floppy stuffed dog, that I still have to this day and treasure like he's alive. Another time I found something that looked like a box of chocolates. It even had pictures of chocolates on the top. It said "Miniatures for Emergencies." Inside the box, in the little cups, were mini rolls of toilet paper! On little mini toilet paper rolls! How cute is that?!?! Ok I have always loved miniature things...everything tiny is so cute. I used to love those shadow boxes that you'd fill with tons of little mini things. I have no idea where this box of mini TPs came from, or what ever happened to it, but I've always thought that was such a funny idea.

Another thing I've been thinking about...nursery rhymes. Specifically, the inappropriatedness of many rhymes for young children. Such as "Boom Boom Ain't It Great to be Crazy"....one of the versus says something along the lines of "Went to a picture show by myself, sat in the very back row and wrapped my arms around my waist...got so fresh I slapped my face!" And another called "The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze"....it talks about how the daring young man sneezed or something and fell and died, and boy isn't that horrible because you can't swing underground! Hailey got a Toddler Songs CD for her birthday, and I've decided half the songs on the CD are totally inappropriate. And what baffles me, is they'll sing about things like that, and they sing songs where a boy tells a girl "marry me and I'll share half my paychecks with you for the rest of my life" but yet in the song "The Animal Fair" they say the monkey bumped a skunk, when the version I always heard growing up said the monkey he got drunk... ok if you're going to talk about getting fresh with yourself in the theater, how horrible it is to be dead, and realities like sharing paychecks...why sensor the drunken monkey???

I'll leave you with the lyrics to The Animal Fair, in case anyone has never heard it. Unfortunately you'll have to imagine your own tune...and by the way this is Hailey's favorite song in the whole wide world...the only thing that used to get her to stop crying when she was little, and it has always made her giggle...she does not, however, like "Joy to the World" in which we sing about Jeremiah the bullfrog, which was one of my favorite songs growing up, so that kind of makes me sad...anyway, here they are...

We went to the animal fair
The birds and the beasts were there
The big baboon by the light of the moon
Was combing his auburn hair
The monkey he got drunk
He sat on the elephants trunk
The elephant SNEEEEEEZED!
And fell to his KNEEEEEEEEEES!
And that was the end of the monk the monk the monk

Ok while I'm at it I have to add that another thing Hailey absolutely loves, and it makes her giggle every single gosh darn time I do it...and she even claps every single time I'm done and then grabs my hands to make me do it again and again and again...is a little ditty that I saw on a video on I think ebaumsworld....it's a cat that somebody has posed and taken pictures of, and he's dancing and it says this little ditty...she loves it. All I do is grab her hands and make her "dance" and say "cat, I'm a kitty cat, and I dance dance dance and I dance dance dance"(repeated twice) "I, do, funny, things to myself when I'm, daaaaaaancing" and on that last part when I say "dancing" I shake my voice and jiggle her little body and she just goes nuts. It may be on youtube. Actually on the video the cat says "I do sexy things to myself when I'm dancing" but of course I edited that to make it G rated. :o) Alright I'm off to bed, I've bored you enough for one evening!!

Please get better

Hailey is still sick. She was fine all day yesterday, and then this evening she wouldn't eat and had a diarea diaper and then threw up twice. Thank God my mom was here so she could help me deal with everything...so anyway she's still sick. So we cancelled her party for this weekend, we're just going to have it after D gets done with this semester of school...that way she'll be more rested and well and be able to enjoy her party. I just wish she'd get better, I hate seeing my poor baby get sick like this. And she's so tired. And I cannot take off work, I just started this job...I just can't. And that breaks my heart. I shouldn't have to choose between my daughter and my job. It's just not fair. She is of course most important, but she's not throwing up during the day and seems to feel/act just fine...if I was still at the hell hole I'd take off in a heartbeat just to spend the day with her. But I can't do that now. She'll be ok, I know she will. But it's horrible to see your baby sick. And know I can't make her better... :o(

Still sick, sort of

Well Hailey threw up in her crib again last night, and then had diarea 4 times today. So I took her to the dr. at 3:30 today(thank God my new job rocks, they were so nice about me having to leave, said it was not a big deal at all and already let me use sick time to cover it!) and apparently she just has some virus. She's not throwing up during the day, eating and drinking just fine, and acting normal...so hopefully it'll just go away soon. But she does still have fluid in her ears...not infected, just trapped fluid...so they're watching that since it's been there for over a month. And if it stays another month or 2, they're going to probably put tubes in her ears. They're not letting it go as long as they might some other kids because of my history. Among all the other wonderful problems I had as a child, I also had horrible ear infections all the time that caused me to be partially deaf in my left ear. Because of this, they aren't going to let Hailey's go on very long without remedying the situation. So that's about all that's gone on lately. I got quite a bit of cleaning/organizing done last night for her party this weekend. And D comes home from TX tonight, yay! He'll be here for 2 weeks this time also, yay! Oh and also, I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I haven't started my period yet. I'm on this sucky ass pill that I've been on for a few months now, and every other month I've spotted in the middle of the month and then had a period the normal week...well all of a sudden this month, I didn't spot and I still haven't started my period. So, either it went from one extreme to the other and this pill sucks, or I'm pregnant in which case yea this pill sucks. ??? I haven't taken a test. It wouldn't be such a big issue about me getting pregnant again, except while D is still in school (1 more year after this semester is over) we CANNOT afford another baby. Plus, my new job doesn't offer a paid maternity leave like my old one did. So we'd be screwed even more than we are now as far as money goes. So hopefully I'm not, and I'll start soon. But if I am, it won't be the end of the world, and things will still be different than they were with Hailey. God I hate being poor right now!

All better

Hailey is doing much better. My mom gave her a bath last night as I cleaned out her crib, and then by that time after having my hands in puke for so long I was feeling incredibly nauseous myself. I already had a headache so bad it was almost a migraine, and then feeling nauseous...needless to say my mom rocked her back to sleep while I laid down so I didn't throw up myself. But we aren't sick, thank God. Hailey just had too much rich food to eat too close to bedtime. At her birthday dinner at Applebee's(my inlaws took us all to dinner for her birthday) she had mozz. cheese sticks(yes I know, not that healthy), mac n cheese, ice cream they brought her because it was her birthday and then a bottle at bedtime. She doesn't usually eat so much crap like that, usually it's healthy foods like veggies and cheese and noodles or rice. I guess I learned my lesson, her little tummy just can't handle stuff like that all at once. But once she got it out of her system she was fine. She went right back to sleep and I laid in bed trying to feel better myself. My mom's an early riser anyway, so she was already up when Hailey woke up this morning. So YAY I got to sleep in!! Actually I woke up when she woke up at 8:30, got back to sleep 15 minutes later, woke up again at 9:45 or so and was up til about 10:45 tossing and turning in bed trying to get back to sleep. And finally got up at 11:30 for good, and of course by then Hailey had fallen back to sleep. She finally woke up and I fed her lunch and my inlaws came over. My FIL watched Hailey while my MIL and I went shopping for her party supplies for her first birthday party this coming Saturday. Oh my gosh we got the cutest stuff! We found this really cute theme that's pink and purple w/ lady bugs and butterflies and it says Happy 1st Birthday. My MIL bought everything, they are so wonderful! We even found a sippy cup that matched the theme, and a vinyl bib and a yard sign, and my MIL said she just HAD to have it all! We also looked for things for my FIL's retirement party that's on May 1. We found a lot of neat stuff and I have to brag on myself for a second here because I don't toot my own horn very often...but I had some AWESOME ideas for his party. Seriously if I had the time and there was a market for it in this semi-small town, I'd be a party planner in a heartbeat. I rock at it. I told her how to do all the tables and had a lot of really neat favor ideas etc. to incorporate all of his interests into the tropical beachy theme she wants to do. I can't wait! And I can't wait for this weekend, D will be home all weekend and Hailey's party is going to be so great! Now I just have to get this house organized...my absolutely wonderfully amazing mother cleaned my kitchen up this evening. She cleaned out my fridge(that had been stressing me out for a couple weeks, SO glad that's done) and everything is all clean now! Hailey had a great day playing with Papa, ate just fine, never acted fussy or threw up a bit and even took 2 really good naps. And she was SO SO SO happy to see her momma when we got home from shopping, it was so sweet :o) She is still asking for D though, which breaks my heart. She'll point at the front door and ask for him, or pick up the phone and act like she's talking to him. Thank God he only has hopefully 1 tournament left before the season's over. We'll all be so relieved. His last tournament is in FL, for 5 freaking days. That's going to suck. Anyway, that was our day!

I haven't had hardly any time to blog anymore, or check email or anything, it sucks! I love my new job though, so it's totally worth it. I'm getting even more money than I thought I was, how awesome is that...and I'm actually looking forward to going to work tomorrow...I must be crazy?? I am so tired all the time though, because I have to get up an hour and a half earlier to get there on time now. And I'm still going to bed so late. So even when I do get a few minutes to get on the net, even if I do have time to read blogs, I rarely have time to comment. I am still here, just not as much and oh so tired.

And by the way, Hailey's birthday was kind of funky...she was in a really funky sassy crabby mood all day, I think she was just really tired but she refused to take a nap. She had a few meltdowns...I'm talking planting her face on the floor laying on her belly kicking her legs and screaming, right in the middle of the mall, kind of meltdowns. But hey it's her birthday and she can cry if she wants to, right? Well she did, and she also hit me a few times when I was trying to kiss her or talk to her. But she also got to ride the carousel at the mall and she got a horse stamp on her hand which she thought was really cool. She got to go shoe shopping which she also thought was really cool(she loves shoes, and loves trying on different shoes and wearing shoes...she got a pair of clear jelly sandals from the Gap...so cute) and she got a miniature box of green tea which she sucked on the entire time we were in the mall. Yes I'm aware she's a little odd, but hey look at who her mom is :o) At least we'll have good stories for her when she gets older, about her first birthday. And she did wake up to a wonderful pretty balloon waiting for her in the living room from her daddy...she thought that was pretty darn cool. And she'll have a great party next weekend!

Alright, off to bed...so tired. Oh wait, gotta finish this load of laundry first...grrr...

A year ago today

A year ago right now I was just leaving for the hospital, having been in labor for 12 hours at home. I had no idea what it was like to be a mom, and in no way was I prepared for the emotional roller coaster ahead of me. I was having contractions every 3 to 5 minutes. I'd lost my mucous plug, and I had taken a shower and packed my bags. I remember walking into the ER in my silver flip flops, oh so comfy black velour maternity pants, bright blue maternity tank(boy the weather was sure different a year ago today!!)...my hair was down and curly, still partly wet and my face was broken out so bad. All I could think of was getting the baby out. I had to bend over during a contraction at the desk in the ER, and a nice male nurse grabbed a wheelchair for me right away. Only 1 night before I'd been in the same situation, at the same place, which turned out to be false labor. I had no idea labor was going to feel so...well like labor. This time I didn't feel so silly as he was wheeling me up to L&D. They put me in the same observation cubby I was in the night before, and I was about 4 cm dilated. My hubby's jaw dropped when they said I was definately a keeper. He just knew they'd be sending us home like they had that very same morning. I remember feeling so out of control once I got to the hospital, and looking back I wish I'd stayed at home longer. I wasn't able to cope with the contractions once I was out of my element, out of my comfort zone. I wasn't looking forward to having Miss H, so I didn't have anything to help me focus on my goal and get through, except I was in pain and I wanted it to be over with. I hadn't slept in about 24 hrs. I was ready for it all to be over. I wanted my body back. At 6:21 am on April the 14th, just a day before her due date, Hailey was born. My husband cried. As they laid her on my stomach, I just could not believe I had a baby. I just pushed a baby out of my body...a wriggling, slimy, crying baby. Out of ME. I made her. And I was so not ready to be a mommy. And now one year later I can't imagine my life without her. I mean she's Hailey. She's my Hailey. She's my everything, my reason for living, my world revolves around her. I love her more than life itself. And it's been a long road, but she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and she's made me so happy. She loves me unconditionally, and I love her unconditionally...when she climbs out of her booster seat and crawls into my lap to finish her dinner my heart melts. When she sits in my lap and hugs me every morning my heart melts. When she sings the mama song, my heart melts. And when she asks for her daddy, and looks for him wherever we're at, my heart melts, and breaks because he's not around as much as we'd all like him to be. And my heart breaks when I think about Hailey as a newborn. So little and fragile and helpless. And I didn't love her. I mean I had a strong urge to protect her and keep her safe. But I didn't love her. HOW could I not love her? She's Hailey. She's always been Hailey. And back then, she was a little helpless Hailey that couldn't even roll over by herself, and I got so upset and mad when she'd wake up at night and want to eat. And I sat and cried all day, every day of my maternity leave, all by myself, holding Hailey, so sad...how could I have been sad? I see mothers everywhere, with newborn babies, on maternity leave...meeting their friends for lunch, showing off their new babies...tired, but glowing and so happy. And I know if I'd been prepared, if I'd been wanting a baby and planning a baby, I would have been that way too. I'm not a horrible person. I know I'm a great mom. There's nothing I can do about what happened in the past. All I can do is be the best mom I can be now. I'll always be sad and feel bad about my poor newborn Hailey that I didn't shower with love and affection...but look at us now. I'm her mommy, and she knows it, and I love her more than the world, and she knows it! Who does she want when she's tired? Who does she look to when she's hungry? Who rocks her to sleep every single night? I may not fill out her baby book, and I may not keep record of every little thing she does and when she does it, and I may not have ordered any of her newborn pictures and I may regret how things went the first part of her life, but I am a damn good mommy, and I love her to pieces, and I cannot believe that my little baby is going to be a year old tomorrow. A year ago today my life changed forever. It seems like just yesterday and it seems like a lifetime ago, all at the same time. I never would have dreamed this is how it would be, and I never dreamed she'd be as perfect and wonderful as she is...and I know this next year will be even better! I love you Miss Hailey!!!

Look what my baby can do!!

She started standing last night. Just standing up in the middle of the floor. She'll stand up, get so excited, bounce up and down, then sit back down, over and over and over again. She did it today at the sitters too, and would "dance" during circle time. Here is a pic...



And more great news...my boss came up to me today and informed me that HR finished my salary review. They decided that based on my experience, I should be a grade higher and my pay is going to be 31 cents higher than what they had originally hired me at! I'm getting $1.40 more than my old crappy job at the hell hole!!! How awesome is that???? And they are really impressed w/ my knowledge of accounting. Apparently the AP clerk at this place only does the checks, and THAT'S IT...all the other crap I was doing at the other place as well as cks?? The Accountings were doing it at this new place!! So now they're having me do it all, and they're really impressed that they don't have to over explain things to me and that I just know what they're talking about from the start. Apparently I'm not stupid after all!! Today one of the accountants, we'll call her Preggo HG, because she's 13 wks preggo and has that hypermesis grav...ok I don't know how to spell it but Kristin had it...anyway she was showing me how to enter a new vendor onto the system and she was trying to explain why she puts a 7 into the 1099 box. She said "well on the 1099 form box 7 is....is....um..." and I said "it's non-employee compensation" and she just looked at me like WOW and said "yea, that's it" and I told her I did the 1099s at the other place and she said "wow, I do that!" Yea I am totally smart like that. The hell hole was apparently WAY underpaying me for what I was doing. And like I said, I'm awesome.

My new job rocks! And some Rotel...

First off, for those of you who are wondering...Rotel is that brand of diced tomatoes/chilis crap tha comes in a can. It's just called Rotel. And you can get it in various ranges of spice, just like salsa. I buy the milder kind, because I'm a puss. No, because my stomach can't handle spice. Damn IBS. Anyway, onto awesomeness...

So like I said, my new job ROCKS! Answering the phone is NOT hard...and it'll be a piece of cake once I remember who all the various people are(have I mentioned I am SO bad with names??) and this office is so laid back, it is just completely awesome. They're just basically like "whatever" about everything. At my old job I didn't even feel like I could take a shit, I mean I'd get back to my desk and my boss would call..."Erin, I was looking for you..." Me: Yea well, I had to go to the bathroom. "Erin, you were in there for a long time, is everything ok?" Me: Yea well, I had to go to the bathroom. I couldn't even take a crap, it was rediculous. This place people are up talking to each other, joking with each other, doing their work on their own without somebody standing over them watching their every move to make sure they "stay on task." It's going to be really hard for me to get used to. I was really worried because H's 1 year well-visit checkup is this Friday, my FIRST WEEK of my new job. What did my boss say? "Alright that's cool"....he really didn't care. !!!! My old job would have been all "well you need to make the time up, when are you making it up, are you going to be able to make it up, well make sure nobody else is going to be gone at that time." SIGH.....that is a HUGE sigh of relief, that's what that is. I am so happy now. This is the kind of place I dreamed about working. And what's more, these people told me I would be busy, and if today is any sort of indication whatsoever, these people do NOT know what busy is. And I'm getting paid over a dollar more...to be able to take a crap whenever I want, drink the coffee THEY provide(out of their ceramic mugs), drink the Culligan water THEY provide(out of their glass drinking glasses), do my work at my own pace...oh yea and it's jeans day every Friday...oh and birthday days, like this Wednesday, those are jeans days too. And all the people are just so nice. Nobody's stuck up, or suspicious. I've been warned that the Accounts Payable lady can be a bit bitchy...but so far she's been fine to me, and I have to admit I have a special place in my heart for her because she holds the position I held at the Hell Hole...I know what it's like...she won't get to me. I've also been informed that some of the girls hold special girls' nights and some people aren't invited, but that I will be. I cannot stress enough how happy I am right now about this whole thing...finally God answered my prayers and put me in a place that so far seems perfect for me. The only issue right now is my first ck won't be til sometime the first part of May, and w/ D on my ins. I'll be paying like 200$ more a month. But after he's done w/ school this semester he'll be working full time again this summer so he'll be able to get back on the ins. there, and then next semester he can get ins. through school for only 300$ a semester...so hopefully I'll just have to pay for him for 1 month. Oh yea, another perk about this job...they go by days for your hours, not weeks...each day is it's own. So like one day I work 8.5 hrs, I get .5 hrs of OT...although I won't be working extra most likely. And then another day I work 7.5 hrs, either I can take sick or vacation time for that .5 hrs or just not get paid for it and NOBODY CARES. No horrid "occurences" on your record! How awesome is that? How awesome is this whole situation????!?!?!!! Totally awesome.... hehe

Alright so, on to crappier issues, because you know how I love to bitch. Miss H is sick, again. My poor baby. We've both got some kind of coldish crap, but her eyes are all gunky. The sitter's youngest son, a little over a year, got the gunky eyes too and his dr. said it's not pink eye, so that's good. But I think her ear infections have come back because she keeps sticking her fingers down her ear holes again. So I guess I'll just keep her appt for Friday, hopefully she doesn't get any worse before then...I'm afraid tubes are in her future. If I'd had them when I was little I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be partially deaf in my left ear, so if she needs them I'm all for her getting them. I just had really hoped she'd take after D and never have infections. So far it's not looking that way. :o(

Ok I'll end this post w/ something amusing...a convo I overhead between 2 of the little neighbor boys as I was getting a sleeping Miss H out of the car when I got home from work this evening...

Younger boy: "Hey Billy wanna play??"
9 year old: "My step-dad says I've gotta go in in 20 minutes"
Younger boy: "Your step-dad...well where's your real dad?"
9 year old: "My real dad's a girl"
Ok at this point I'm thinking 'Did I just hear that right??'--apparently the younger boy was thinking the same thing...
Younger boy: "He's a what!??!"
9 year old: "My real dad's a GIRL!" (kind of pissed/annoyed tone in his voice)
Younger boy: "How's he a girl?"
9 year old: "He likes men ok?!"
Younger boy: "Well how'd he have you then??"
9 year old: "My mom got with him, they had me, and now he likes men!!"

You never know what you're going to hear...

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it....

WOW I am in a weird mood today. A very good mood, silly, excited, crazy....great mood! First off, this is my last day in the poo hole, YEAH!!! And I don't have to work a full day...DOUBLE YEAH!! Because this is my last day here, ever, I don't have to worry about how many hours I got in this week, or what work I got done today. It's a free for all, I can do whatever I want and nobody can get onto me, YEAH! So right now I'm doing checks, because yea I'm such a rebel...sigh...but I'm taking my time and I'm blogging and oh wait, that's nothing different... yea I told you I'm in a weird mood. So anyway, I also called this place about a medical bill today because I got a statement for $314 from when hubby went to the ER back in January. I called to set up a payment plan and the girl kind of giggled and said "but the balance is only $43!" Excuse me?? I told her what my statement said, and she said the insurance paid more on it and it must have crossed in the mail with that payment. They're sending me another statement for the $43 and I can just pay that when I get it. Awesome. I am thousands and thousands of dollars in debt between hospital/medical bills and freaking credit cards etc. because of hubby being in school. So this was great news. I'm also excited because H's daycare goes down after next week! Only one more week of paying $150. It only goes down to $125, but hey that means we're $100 less short than we were per month! I called my MIL Wednesday night bawling, I was so stressed about money because I got that stupid bill in the mail for $314. She's great, she calmed me down and gave me a new perspective on things. I hate money. Anyway...so back to the fact that I'm leaving here, after today I will no longer be an employee here!! I feel like I should be sad...I should be thinking this is my last day here ever, my last day at my desk, my last day using the microwaves in the kitchen, my last day taking a pee in the poo-strewn bathroom. But I'm sorry, I'm just excited... I packed up my stuff 2 days ago. I'm all ready to personalize my new work space at my shiny new job. Speaking of my new job, my new boss just called me to get a 4 digit number from me for my new security code to get in the building. He told me to "take it easy" before we got off the phone. I think I'm really going to like that place.

I don't know if I'm on a sugar high from this chocolate chocolate chip muffin a coworker made me, or what.

I'm going to lunch with my friend MM again today...went to lunch with her and another friend Monday. But MM is really sad I'm leaving her after all these years and she took this afternoon off so we're going to do lunch again. She's all paranoid I'm going to forget about her once I'm at the new job and never talk to her again. She told me I'm required 5 emails a day to her. It sucks because she lives in a different town, so we hardly ever get to get together aside from work. But we'll just have to now...

I'm finally starting to realize that I had a baby. I'm a breeder....and I don't mean that in a bad way. But I mean, I actually had a baby...I contributed to the human population. I made a person, that is going to grow up and have her own life and have her own babies. You have to understand, I did not plan on having a baby for at least a few more years, I was not only completely shocked that I could even get pregnant(because all my life for some reason I just really felt like I would never be able to have a baby...I have no idea why, except maybe it was just a fear because I knew I wanted children so badly) but when I had the baby I was completely shocked at the fact that I had this baby to take care of, that I just wasn't prepared for. I feel totally blessed that God gave me a child, and blessed that I'm able to get pregnant and grow a perfectly healthy baby. It's just amazing...I'm a mom...I'm in the "parent" group now. I'm no longer one of those women that can't give parenting advice, or one of those women that "moms" ignore...people actually ask me parenting advice, listen when I talk about pregnancy or birth etc. And my daughter is amazing, she's so bright and perfect and she's always in the best mood, giving me smiles and hugs. Last night she was sitting in her chair eating peas on the living room floor and she started fussing like she wanted out of her chair. So I cleaned her off, thinking she was done. She climbed into my lap, leaned over and continued eating her peas, smearing pea goo all over my pants in the process. She just wanted to sit in my lap. I love moments like that. I love being a mom!!

Oh yea, and TGIF!!!

Curious like a cat... and wow do cat farts stink...

Lunch today with the co-workers was ok...my big boss didn't even show up, what an ass. My boss paid for my meal, so that was nice. The snobby stuck up co-worker that totally looks pregnant but isn't and hates my guts for no reason came, so that sucked. She didn't say a word to me, and I pretty much didn't talk the whole time. Again, just reinforces why I'm leaving that place! But I stuffed myself on free food, from Ruby Tuesdays, so that's always nice! Dinner tonight at a family friends' house, very fun. H had a GREAT time, she loves their house because it's so big and open. Got to see my friend that I only get to see once in a while because she lives 2 hours away now...she was in town for the day. We used to live next to them when I was little, and we've been friends with the family ever since. They're almost like another set of parents for me, and grandparents for H...they're crazy about her. We even call my friend "Aunt S." They gave her her very first birthday present tonight! Some clothes from BabyGap, so cute! And they cooked dinner, which is always awesome. Here's H looking out at my friend grilling the pork steaks...

H definately takes after me...they have this metal bunny figurine in their sun room area that she loves to pat on the head...tonight she went over to it, patted it on the head, went to the butt of the thing and poked around under it's tail, looking for Lord knows what. She's gonna be an odd little thing I think, just like me!! haha

And while we're on the subject of Miss H, I'll just note that tonight she stood all by herself a LOT, all throughout the night! Even standing up in the middle of the floor from a sitting position, all by herself! I was so proud. And once she took a couple lunging steps towards me! And when I was holding her hands walking her around, she was walking so well, so straight, not all round and off balance like she usually does...and she was barely even using my hands for support! Could she possibly finally be getting closer to walking??? Really? Gosh I hope so, because her little knees are getting so red from crawling! We tried so hard to get a pic, but of course we'd get the camera out and she'd get all excited and just want to boody dance and she'd fall down.

Alright, I guess I better try to get to sleep...I'll leave you with this thought...WHY do cat farts stink so bad?? And why do all cat farts smell the same?? Yes, I am aware I'm weird. But I had to bring it up...my cat sleeps by my head at night, and EVERY SINGLE NIGHT as we get into bed and lay down, she let's loose a nasty one. So I have to lay here in this cloud. How gross and un-ladylike! I don't fart in her face...UGH and she just did it again...

Apparently Guavas are yucky... and a cheesy mom moment

In case anybody sees the new Yoplait flavors that just came out, Guava and Passion Fruit...and in case you're feeling adventerous and think "hmm, I think I'll try those..." If you've never had a Guava, I really don't recommend trying the yogurt. I've never had a real Guava. They look really yummy. Apparently I don't like Guava.

Not a bad weekend, got a lot of crap put away/thrown away Saturday because 1. I was still looking for this huge check we'd lost and NEED to pay rent this week and 2. I think I got hit with the Spring cleaning bug. House looks semi nice for once. Went to the movie with my sister Saturday night after eating at this Chinese place we used to love. The food is not that great anymore unfortunately so that sucked. And my sister is in this funk lately...she goes through these moody phases...so she's not really fun to be around right now, so that kind of sucked. But the movie(Blades of Glory) was pretty funny. If you like that rediculous mindless humor that is "Will Ferrel"...which I do.--"I wanna cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday"(HAHAHA)--Then she stayed the night that night, and that turned out to be no fun at ALL. She refuses to turn her cell to vibrate. She insists she has to leave it on ring at all times. This means I got woken up literally every 30 minutes, the WHOLE NIGHT...I am not joking. H slept until 10:30 Sunday...I could have majorly caught up on some sleep! But NO...my sister's damn phone kept going off. And then she had set the alarm for 8:00...WHY??? I asked her, and she said "well what time do you get up with H?" HELLO! I said "whatever time she wakes up!" So she said "ok"....and reset her alarm for 9:00!!!!!!!! WTF?!?! I was pretty upset. Her alarm went off at 9:00 and she got up and went home to get ready because apparently we were supposed to go to dinner at my grandma's that day, which the whole family had failed to tell me until late Saturday night(I am ALWAYS the last to know everything, it drives me insane...from now on if I don't know about it in advance, I am most likely not going...but this was my grandma, so of course I went). And of course once my sister left, I couldn't get back to sleep...so I laid in bed til H woke up at 10:30. I found her trying to climb her bumper pad...guess it's time to move her crib down to the very bottom notch. Anyway, I could bitch about some other things from yesterday, but I'm not going to. It was a pretty good weekend. I'm missing my husband like crazy, and he's really missing us. We've had great conversations this whole golf season...usually I end up getting frustrated with him on the phone while he's gone because he wants to say hi bye and get off the phone. He's been actually talking to me and we haven't fought about getting off the phone a single time. It's been great. And I just miss him so bad. I want him home.

I had a dream last night that I had finally finished the huge mountain of laundry I have to do...WOW what a great feeling! Then I woke up and there it was, piled high next to the bathroom at the end of our bed...crap...just a dream.

As I mentioned above, I had been looking for this check for days...tearing the house apart, and it was NOWHERE. Not in the car, not at my mom's, not in my mom's car. It was gone, for good, I just knew it. My mom kept saying she'd help me look, she'd help me look, don't worry it's there somewhere...I worried all week, and all weekend, I just knew it was gone. She FINALLY came over last night to look. I told her it's nowhere, I've checked everywhere there is to check. And she goes in my dining room and picks up a big envelope, looks inside and finds a stack of mail. OH YEAH...I shoved it all in there so I wouldn't lose any of it. 30 seconds people. That's all it took her to find this check. I had been looking ALL WEEK. 30 seconds...awesome mommy skillz. And while on this topic, I should mention how we got a Red Lobster gift card for Christmas from the in-laws. And I promptly lost it. Of course. Looked everywhere, for so long...told the in-laws I'd lost it and I was so sorry. Mother-in-law comes over. Walks in H's room. "Oh what's this??" as she picks a little red and green box up off H's shelf of stuffed animals. Again...not even 30 seconds. This is one mommy skill I cannot wait to aquire. I asked D last night how many years he thought it would be, and he said he thought 5 years of practice should do it...God I hope so, that's gonna be awesome...

H is talking like crazy all of a sudden. She loves all things nature lately, so of course she's saying "dird"(bird), "dush"(bush), "tee"(tree), "cat." And she says "ball" and "moa"(more) and "ite"(bite) among other things. She's such a good baby, so happy(most of the time!). She absolutely LOVES to go places. Go go go, she always wants to be on the go. She loves to sit at the back sliding glass door leaning up against the screen yelling at the birds(her new favorite...and I put sunflower seeds in the back yard to attract them). She's happy as pie if I let her run around in nothing but a diaper and leave the door open so she can get some fresh air. She loves her family, she loves her friends...she loves shopping(as any girl would), and she loves Walmart! Her new favorite foods are goldfish crackers(imagine her sitting in the cart at Walmart, 5 goldfish shoved in her mouth, orange drool running down her chin, with her hand in the bag grabbing her next mouthfull)...and strawberries, she LOVES strawberries. I think she's going to turn into a basket of fruit...she eats so many bananas and cups of all-natural applesauce a day! I just cannot believe she's almost one, and I'm packing away her winter clothes, that she'll never ever wear again...and she's been such a wonderful happy easy baby...and now she's growing up, turning into a toddler.

And she's been so snuggly lately, and I eat it up every time she crawls into my lap. I know the moments of cuddling her like a little baby are going to come to an end before I know it. She's getting so big!! She's growing up too fast. Finally, FINALLY, I'm having one of those cheesy moments where I'm sitting there looking at her little pink winter hat with the pom pom on top and crying, thinking that this year went by way, way too fast.

Daddy saved the day...and an important issue that I needed to discuss

I know I make my dad out to be some horrible person. And he does have major issues, believe me. But over all these years, even with all the bad things he's done, he's still the person I've run to when I need help. Like this morning. After I dropped H off at daycare I heard my tire clicking against the concrete. Great, AGAIN!?!?! Seriously!?!? What in the heck is it about me and my car where I have such horrible luck with crap getting stuck in my tires?? So I get to work and park and get out and I hear a hissing/gurgling sound. The air is rushing out against the wet pavement. My first thought? I need to call daddy. He came right over, looked at it, took my keys and debit card, and got it taken care of for me. They had to patch it from the inside the hole was so big. I really appreciate these times, when he comes to my rescue like this...makes me feel like I have a normal dad.

Thank God it's Friday...dad and stepmom are watching H tomorrow early evening so little sister and I can go see Blades of Glory. I am so excited, it looks freaking hilarious!! I'm going to laugh so hard I snort, I just know it. And I don't know if we've ever been to a movie together by ourselves like this, it's going to be so much fun. We might get some dinner before hand, not sure yet though.

On a more serious note...my boss just told me that a friend of her daughters(she has twin girls in 6th grade) is pregnant...this is so scary. 12 years old, in the 6th grade, and she's pregnant! She had u/s pics at school the other day. Gosh when I was in 6th grade I wasn't even close to thinking about sex...I think I still played with my Cabbage Patch dolls and wanted to be a Veterinarian and was all into saving the environment! I didn't even have BOOBS! I just started shaving my legs and wearing a training bra to cover my newly developing lop sidedness. We had our sex ed class and I was embarrassed as hell! My sister is 4 years younger than me, although she doesn't act it, and when I was a Freshman I lectured her like crazy on not having sex until she was at least a Junior and had been with the guy for a minimum of 6 months. I had lost my virginity at 15, my Freshman year...I had been with the guy quite a while, at least 6 months, but I was way too young. I never wanted my sister to have to deal with issues like that, so I lectured lectured lectured her to death...she was in the 5th grade. Good thing I did, because by the time she got to middle school(I went to 6th grade in elementary school, but after our class left they moved 6th grade to middle school w/ 7th grade) kids were having sex, doing drugs, you name it it was happening. In 6th and 7th grade! I mean I heard talk of drugs when I got to 7th grade...but I didn't know anybody pregnant in school! Apparently these days pregnant 6th or 7th graders is fairly common?? My mom works at an elementary school, kindergarten through 5th grade...and these kids are already having sex. !!!!! Anyway my lecturing apparently worked...not to mention the fact that I have exceptional younger siblings with good judgement...but my sister waited until her Junior year, and she'd been with the guy well over 6 months. They dated almost 2 years, before he cheated on her and broke her heart. But anyway, I am just shocked at the fact that now girls in the 6th grade are getting pregnant. I want to homeschool H!! Or hope she's some really big nerd that is so into her studies she doesn't even give boys a thought! You know one of those girls you see on that show on MTV, "Made", that has frizzy hair and wears highwater jeans and snorts when she laughs and is in book club...please oh please Miss H, don't grow up too fast...please stay innocent...how do I keep her innocent??