Monday, March 31, 2008

Go me!

I just found out this morning that they've decided I should have been two steps higher on the pay scale than what I am. That means I'm getting a 75 cent raise!!! A raise that is retro-active to when I started this position! That means I'll get a lump sum back pay of almost $1100 before taxes, plus get paid at my new rate of pay! I am beyond excited and still in shock. Thank God, we really needed this!!!

The Forgotten

I had a dream last night. Actually more like a nightmare. Not the scary type of nightmare, but one where I woke up completely freaked out about what I'd just gone through and just so...disturbed.

I'd been at work all day doing Lord knows what. I met my mom at the car in the parking lot after wasn't a building or a car I know in real life. It was like it used to be though, where we both worked at the same place and rode together to and from work. So we drive home to where she lives now (where I lived before I moved out) and went inside. Then something hit me. I started panicking and trying to explain to my mom what was wrong. We'd forgotten Hailey. Not like forgotten her at the sitter's. I mean forgotten her that day period. I'm in the kitchen standing by the stove, holding on for support so I don't fall down, and Hailey walks downstairs and over to me, crying. She's still in her pj's, hair a mess, snot all over her face, diaper exploding from not being changed. My mom kept telling me it was going to be okay, it's fine, no harm done, she's fine. I was screaming at her that it was not fine, that I neglected my child, she hadn't been fed all day or even had anything to drink...hadn't had her diaper changed. I FORGOT her for God sakes. I felt like I shouldn't even pick Hailey up because I was such a horrible mother but yet at the same time I wanted to grab her and hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. I remember thinking in the dream "How could I let this happen? How could I FORGET my own child? I'm a horrible parent, I'm one of THOSE parents now...I can never go back and change it, it's happened, I can't change what I've done..."

Then I woke up.

I couldn't get back to sleep for a long time after I woke up from that dream. I couldn't shake that horrible feeling in my gut that I had in the dream...of just utter heartbreak and complete regret that I did that to my kid. What the hell was that dream supposed to mean??? Do dreams really mean anything? They say that dreams are like your body's way of sorting through your thoughts and things you've seen/experienced etc. and filing away the good things while getting rid of the bad. But that doesn't explain why places or things I've never seen pop up in my dreams, or why I would have a dream about neglecting Hailey like that...I hate bad dreams.

I woke up from that one feeling like an absolutely horrible parent. Sure I don't neglect her like in the dream. But I do lose my cool with her sometimes when I'm tired or not feeling well. I raise my voice a little, I grab her and set her down in time out. I get in her face and talk sternly to her. Most of the time it works. But I'm always wondering, am I scaring her into minding me? I don't want that. That's what my dad did to me. How do I change that? How do I learn to talk softly and sweetly to her even when I'm really frustrated or ticked? I feel bad about these things already but the dream just made it worse.

Now I sort of know what it would feel like to be one of those parents who really do neglect their children. What their child looks like after neglect, how they act, so hurt and betrayed and heartbroken. What I did in my dream was an accident though, a mistake, and I felt huge regret and just completely freaked out over what I'd done. I can't imagine being one of those parents that neglect their children on purpose, and just don't care. How could they look at their child looking back at them with that pain in their eyes and not care? And be OKAY with it? Not feel any remorse or guilt?? God it only happened to me in a dream and I'm incredibly upset. I still feel that icky feeling in my gut. It just makes me sick to think there are kids out there right now experiencing what my daughter did in my dream...and that unlike my dream, their parents don't care...that child abuse and neglect is even an issue in this world.

California Baby Update

These are the two products I purchases at Target Friday night. They were $8.99 a piece. You can either click on the pictures above to go directly to the page on California Baby for that product or you can just read some of the info I'm posting below.

The products I bought are from the "calming" scent line. I've used them on her twice. After her bath you can't smell the scent on her skin, probably because I use a non-scented lotion after her bath, but you can smell it on her hair. It's very herby. I can't say I LOVE it. Of course I didn't like the smell of the Johnson's kids 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner for fine/straight hair when I first got that either, but I eventually got used to it. So who knows, I may get used to the herby smell too. I don't hate it. It's not like I think her hair stinks after I give her a bath. I just don't LOOOOOOVE it like I did the scent of the normal Johnson's baby shampoo. The body wash/shampoo doesn't suds up on the wash cloth or in her hair as well as the Johnson's or Suave products I normally use. I had to re-soap the wash cloth a couple times to get her whole body washed. The products do seem to get her clean although her hair doesn't feel quite the same as it did with her Johnson's or Suave shampoo/conditioner combos. Maybe I'm not getting the conditioner rinsed out good enough? Or maybe it's just the lack of all those artificial chemicals that leave shine and make soap suds those two issues could be a good thing.

Hailey was very excited about her new "bath soaps" and kept asking "What's that Mommy?" She didn't seem to mind the scent a bit and they didn't affect her skin at all--no rashes, no redness, no itching, no bumps etc.

I'm going to continue to use the products til they're gone and see if the scent grows on me. If I still don't love the smell and Target doesn't get in any of the unscented products I'll order some off the website and give those a try. They're nice because unlike normal "unscented" products from say Jergen's or Suave, the California Baby unscented products are truly unscented--meaning they don't include any "scent masking agents" (ie. more chemicals!) like normal unscented products do. I'd also like to try the Super Sensitive Everyday Lotion and the Hair Detangler.

Here's some info copied from the sight on the two specific products I purchases:

The conditioner:

Age: Newborn and older
Scent: Our special Calming™ aromatherapy blend that includes French lavender

Product description: California Baby®'s non-chemical, plant-based, no tears formula is an all-natural botanical blend of herbs, rich emollients, and natural sunscreens that combine to leave delicate hair shiny and smooth. Light and fresh aromatherapy essential oils add a pleasant, calming effect. Works to protect from damage caused by chlorine, salt water, and the sun's harmful rays.

For Grownups:

  • Excellent conditioner for chemically treated or overprocessed hair
Benefits & Features:
  • Contains organic and sustainably grown ingredients
  • Non-irritating, non-chemical formula
  • No tears, no numbing agents
  • Safe and gentle
  • Rinse out or leave in for extra curly or difficult hair
  • Conditions with plant waxes and herbs
  • Leaves hair smelling great
  • May be used on cradle cap
More Conditioners:
Super Sensitive™ and Swimmer's Defense™

The Shampoo/Body Wash:

Age: Newborn and older
For Use: Use for baby's first bath! For hair, face & body.
Scent: Our special Calming™ aromatherapy blend that includes French lavender

Product description: A concentrated, gentle, non-stripping cleanser. California Baby®'s light & fresh Calming™ essential oil blend adds to the bathing experience. Leaves hair noticeably shiny, soft, and manageable. Our customers have reported excellent results with this shampoo & body wash in their fight against eczema and other skin sensitivities. Great travel size.

For Grownups:

  • A great non-drying facial wash for adults (and teenagers!) with sensitive or problem skin.
  • Thinning hair? Use in place of harsh shampoos that can contribute to hair loss
  • Safe for chemically treated hair

Benefits & Features:

  • Contains organic and sustainably grown ingredients
  • Cleansing agent: 100% Decyl polyglucose
  • No Sodium lauryl sulfate, DEA, or numbing agents
  • No tears, non-irritating, non-stripping formula. Safe and gentle
  • Two products in one--use head to toe. May be used for hair, face and body
  • Great for babies, kids, or adults with chemically sensitive skin. Will not irritate eczema or cradle cap reports of healing even stubborn cases
More Shampoo & Bodywash:
Super Sensitive™, Swimmer's Defense™, Tea Tree & Lavender™, and our great body wash Natural Pregnancy™.

Friday, March 28, 2008

California Baby

I am so excited to have finally found a locally available line of baby products that is phthalate free! While doing Hailey's Easter shopping at Target I ran across the line of California Baby products and wondered if they weren't a phthalate free line. I finally got around to looking them up on the internet and sure enough, they are. I'll be buying Hailey some of their products tonight. They're a little pricier than the other brands but like I've said before, I feel like it's better to be safe than sorry when it comes to the health and safety of my child. I'm pretty lax when it comes to a lot of child-rearing things/topics but when I hear news reports everywhere on the safety of an ingredient in a product or range of products, it really bothers me until I can find an alternative. A bonus to using these products is how safe they are with sensitive skin (they don't contain any dairy, soy or nut products either)! They carry a whole line of products, even including sunscreen and bug repellent. After we've used them for a week or so I'll try to update w/ my opinion! (Although apparently Suri Cruise uses the products so that should be enough proof at how great they are for anybody, RIGHT?? Who needs my measly opinion?? HAHA)

So annoyed

I am so frustrated and stressed right now about our whole moving situation. We got on the waiting list for those duplexes. Great, right? Well now I'm paranoid we won't get one that we need, which is one w/ no basement and a bigger back yard. These places are highly sought after, which is why they have a waiting list to get one. What are the chances exactly what we need is going to be one of the few that come available and that we'll be next in line to get it? Not to mention the fact that we may get one and get all moved in and then find out we've got horribly noisy neighbors again. Then what? We're stuck in the same position pretty much we are now except we'll be paying even more per month. My friend rents a house in an older but nice neighborhood here in town. It's a 2 bedroom w/ a downstairs bonus room, 2 bath, huge fenced in backyard w/ a wooden swingset already set up, garage w/ opener...only $675 a month. $15 more than the duplexes were trying to get into and it's a HOUSE. With a huge back yard. So I started looking around for houses for rent. I found one in the paper at lunch today that's 3 bedroom w/ a bonus room, allows cats and is only $675 a month. And it's sort of out in the country. And if we were pre-approved they'd hold it for us til we can move in this summer w/ a deposit--that's awesome. We haven't been out that way in years so my mom and I are going to drive by the place after I get off work today and see what the area is like these days. D called me after I found out about all this and I told him the news (I was a tiny bit excited even though I'm not getting my hopes up because the area may have gone downhill) and he basically sighed and said ok and then got off the phone. I called him back when I left my mom's and asked him what was wrong, told him I couldn't gage his reaction. I thought he'd be excited that it was a house. He started going off about how that's even more money that we don't have and how there's NO reason we need to move at all. That we're fine where we're at. I am so upset! First we were on the same page w/ this issue, then he flips out saying we don't need to move, then he changes his mind again and signs the application and even gets excited and goes out to look at the duplexes, and then now he's back to flipping out on me again. I don't know what to do. I'm beyond frustrated w/ our situation right now. He's not bringing in any money because it's tournament season which means he never has time to work, so we don't have enough money to get by right now including food and gas. He's still been getting fast food for lunch every day that he's here, and when I told him we don't have the money he just started putting it on his credit card. That I just paid off (when we got the student loans and then every month after that since he's been charging gas and whatnot) so he's got it charged up a little again and this time I don't have the money to pay it off. HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT. We don't have the money for that crap right now. But when school's over for the semester he's SUPPOSED to get a job to get him some experience in his field. And still work his part time job in the evening. So we'd have more than enough money to move into a place a little more expensive than where we are now.


He's not eligible for golf next semester because it's an extra semester. He should be graduating this summer. They didn't offer the classes he needed to finish his degree this semester, so he has to take an extra semester. He was supposed to coach a girl's golf team the college is starting so he can keep his golf scholarship. But they can't find any girls to play. I asked him if he didn't play or coach, why in the world he thought he could keep his golf scholarship. His answer? I DON'T KNOW (yelling into the phone, lovely). If he doesn't have his scholarship, his grandparents have to pay for school. Which means they don't send us $500 a month. We can't live off my salary alone. So, big deal you think, he'll get a job. Well that sounds all fine and dandy, but I can't count on my husband to get a part time job working more than 10 hours a week while he's in school. He SAYS he would. But what he says and what he does are two entirely different things. Just like the last 2 summers he promised he'd work full time. Then when summer got here he'd say his boss won't LET him work full time and only needs him at night to close. And he wouldn't find another job. So he'd sleep in every day, maybe go play some golf or go hunting, then go to work late evening JUST LIKE THE SCHOOL YEAR. Which means we still barely got by, thanks to his grandparents' continued $500 monthly checks, and we didn't get to put any extra in savings to get us through the next tournament season. He promised the same thing every winter break and it never happened then either.

I'm so sick of it. He thinks nothing's a big deal. He thinks we'll be able to deal with crap as it comes up. So we get to this summer and he hasn't got any jobs lined up and his grandparents cut off our $500 a month, so we can't afford rent or food...then what? But he doesn't think of any of that and if I try to explain ANY of this to him his response is ALWAYS "STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!" He sounds like a freaking teenager yelling at his mother. I tell him repeatedly I am NOT his mom so he needs to quit treating me like it. Is he EVER going to grow up? Unfortunately I really feel like these are personality traits of his.

So what the fuck do I do? I can't stay where we're at. I'll be miserable and paranoid the whole time. And I REFUSE to let him live off me for another summer. Especially if his grandparents cut off our checks. And if he doesn't get the scholarship next semester and we don't get his grandparents check and I have to get on him and get on him about working more to help pay the bills he's going to come back with "It's not my responsibility because YOU are the one that wanted to move, NOT ME."

He told me to leave him alone. How childish is he? So I told him I'll leave him alone. I'll worry about Hailey and I and he can worry about himself. That's not what I want. I want us to be a normal married couple. I don't want to feel like I've got a teenager and a 2 year old anymore...I'm tired of feeling like a struggling single parent. Now he called me back and said he loves me but not to boss him around anymore. Seriously. What is the point of that. I confessed to him my fears about this summer and him not working and he basically blew it off and said "Ok whatever!" I told him I need reassurance from my husband that certain things ARE going to happen so I can figure out what to do and he obviously couldn't give that to me.

What are my options here? Besides dumping his ass now. I mean I have to wait it out and see if he really does what he says he's going to do this time. I mean playtime's over, it's time for him to enter the real world and be an adult. Will he do it? I have no idea!! His parents totally screwed up raising him, they did NOTHING to teach him about the real much things cost, how things work financially or otherwise etc. The world seems so easy to him. He'll have a nice house, a bunch of land, a boat, a 4 wheeler. And not have to work much apparently. ??? HOW does he think that's supposed to work? He is not a dumb guy, seriously. He's just totally clueless when it comes to practicalities like how you can't buy a decent house for under $700 a month ore rent anything decent for under $600 here. Or that you have to keep track of how much money you're spending so you don't overdraw all the time. Or how bad credit means you can't get approved for any kind of loan, esp. a car or home loan.

Am I supposed to just find a new place, go ahead and move knowing it will cost us about $100 more a month and just PRAY TO GOD that he really will work? I can't wait til our lease is up to find something or figure out what to do. It'll be too late then. I need to figure something out now. But I have no idea what's happening in the next 6 months of our lives in regards to finances and his working and whatnot.

I'm rambling on and on but God I just don't know what to do and it's driving me crazy.

I keep coming back to the option of my mom moving in with us for a year in a new bigger place so we'd BOTH save some money. But I know my mom and I would fight a ton and Dan says he does NOT want to live with my mom. So that's just not an option unfortunately. Which sucks because we could get a really nice place and each be paying less rent than we are now.

I don't even know what else to say...

Swimsuit debate

Ok I need to know everyone's opinions on something. Do you think bikinis are appropriate for little girls? Like babies and little girls Hailey's age or a little older? I'm a really modest person, I don't even like wearing tank tops or shorts because I feel like I'm showing too much skin. I've gotten over this some and I'll now wear a lower cut shirt with a tank underneath or shorts if it's really really hot in the summer. So I'm not sure if it's my modesty or what, but I can't help but feel like bikinis are completely inappropriate for little girls. Esp. the little triangle top ones. But I know a lot of people, including my mother, mother in law and husband, feel like when they're as young as Hailey that's the only time a bikini IS appropriate, because they're so young and innocent...and when they get to be like school aged, that's when they become inappropriate. Last year I bought Hailey a one piece to keep at the sitter's, her cute little dark blue polka dotted one piece for home and then my mother in law got her a bikini for her was a triangle top and boy shorts. She wore it once...MAYBE home in our front yard (now with the child molesting Mexicans living a few doors down no WAY would I let her wear a bikini at home--but we're moving this summer, so that won't be a problem). So I'm debating on whether or not to get her one this year. I've found 2 swimsuits at Old Navy that I LOVE and one is a bikini, ruffles all around the bikini bottoms, totally girly. The other is a one piece with a cut out back that I think is almost equally adorable. I'm for sure getting her the one piece if they have it in the store tonight when I go. What I'm trying to decide on though, is whether or not to get her the completely adorable bikini too or try to find another one piece I like. And yes she needs two swimsuits. Sometimes one might not get washed right away and she'll need a clean suit (like if we go to the Lake for a weekend--the cabin doesn't have a washer and dryer). It's not good for little girls to wear dirty suits or sit in a wet suit for long periods of time (or any female for that matter, not just little girls) as it can cause yeast infections or other irritations. Some women/girls have NO problems w/ this whatsoever. But we were, unfortunately, blessed with sensitive hoohas that get irritated really easily. :)

Here are the suits...

Male Pregnancy **UPDATED**

Has anybody else heard of this??? I'd heard about a man recently that is supposedly pregnant and went searching the net for info. I'm interested in odd things like that. I found the story that everybody's talking about right now...the man who supposedly used to be a woman but left all his female parts intact when he had his sex change, and his wife can't get pregnant so they impregnated "him" instead. Which yea, seems weird, but it's technically not a pregnant MAN.

But I also found something I hadn't heard anything about. A guy named Mr. Lee Mingwei that is really and truly a male but that has been impregnated in his abdominal cavity. I didn't know they'd actually really done this yet? I thought it was just something they were researching and had done in movie plots and whatnot. I'd read about how it would/could work, but didn't know they'd gone any farther with it. The site looks legit though and they show covers of big-name magazines covering the story. I'm a little shocked that this isn't making bigger news if it's the real deal.

I'm bookmarking the site on Mr. Lee...I don't know why I'm fascinated by medical "oddities" like this! I'm really curious to see if he actually delivers and comes through this whole ordeal okay...the delivery would be, theoretically, incredibly dangerous!

Anybody know anymore info on either of these stories?


Well that didn't take friend already updated me that the Lee story is fake. I KNEW it had to be, I mean it would be all over the news if it was real! Here's the link to the Snopes page about it if anyone's interested.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

I won!

Joanna over at Jo-Jo's Place had a giveaway and I won! I received my package in the mail Monday and it was the best smelling package ever! It really brightened my day to come home from work to a package of goodies in the mail.

Hailey claimed the hair ties. As soon as she saw them she said "That mines!" My mom was totally jealous and said I have to share the coffee with her! It smells so YUMMY!

And I LOOOOVE Reese's, these are definitely all mine...not sharing them! :)

Thanks Joanna!!!

Easter weekend moments

Coloring eggs Friday night with D and I... (she's watching the egg in the colored water)

Hunting for eggs at the egg hunt Saturday morning...she had so much fun! She found about 7 or 8 eggs and they even had a little petting zoo there so she got to pet baby goats. Afterwards we went to Subway, her favorite "sandwich spot" for lunch. It was a really good morning! (She's wearing her new pink/purple fake crocs in this pic that she picked out Friday night at Payless--she made me try them on her in the store and then refused to take them off so I had to buy them! $10 to make her incredibly happy to have new favorite shoes...not bad I say!)

Hailey's Easter basket from the Easter Bunny... I also hid eggs for her all around the living room. She LOVES finding the eggs. We've been doing egg hunts since last week...she keeps asking us to re-hide the eggs so she can find them again! It's so cute to hear her guess what's in the egg. She whispers "a toy!" or "candy!" and if we hide empty eggs she opens each one as she finds it and says "Nuffin in there!"

The yummy salad I made to take to Easter dinner at my in-laws Sunday! (The cheese is hiding under all the veggies!)

Easter pics I took of Hailey...I'll come back and delete these in about a week but I wanted those of you that read regularly to be able to see her latest photos :) This was my first attempt at "professional" shots done myself...she's not big into having her picture taken so it was hard. The one would have been really good if she hadn't reached up and stuck her finger in her ear! Oh and she refused to wear the dress too, so she ended up wearing a sweat suit...the tags are still on the dress!

**Pictures deleted**

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I've been tagged!

I've been tagged by Joanna and Jaime for the same meme...I've done my best to come up with 7 things nobody knows about me although it's been very hard since I'm such an open book (and I honestly have a hard time thinking of anything that incredibly interesting about myself!!). Here's my attempt...

Here are my rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.

2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.

4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
A. When I was around the ages of 2 to 4 my grandma watched me during the day while my mom worked. I grew to love the shows The Price is Right, This Old House...I grew up watching country line dancing, fishing shows, baseball and Julia Child. My mom and husband very much dislike these sorts of shows, with the exception of baseball and fishing for my husband. When I started preschool at about 4 years old I would cry in the morning because I knew The Price is Right was on and I wanted so badly to be sitting there with my grandma watching our show together.

B. As I've gotten older, I now hate being wet. I love the feeling of being clean, but I LOATHE getting wet. Every morning right after I get up as I'm sitting there on the toilet trying to wake up, I think to myself "GOD I wish I didn't have to wash my face..." I even dislike swimming unless it's really scorching hot outside and I need to cool off. I just HATE the feeling of being wet! (Which is odd seeing as how I wash my hands a million times a day.)

C. I have this insane fear of someone being in my house that shouldn't be there. Ever since I saw the episode of CSI where there was a man living in women's attics and peeking down through little drilled holes in their ceilings to stare down at them while they slept, showered etc. and then finally came down and murdered them...yea I've had a bit of an issue with that. It really didn't help when we moved into our townhouse and there were holes drilled in the ceiling in each room. I'm always imagining I hear somebody making noise up there and I'm always staring up at the holes to see if I can see anything. I even had this horribly scary dream one time about the people in the attic talking to me through the vents in the house, telling me they were going to take Hailey and I to a "better place" and I couldn't get out of the house--the fear I felt in that dream was so horrible I woke up having a panic attack and called my mom and packed Hailey up and went to her house. D was out of town at the time. When we moved in to the townhouse I had my father in law come over and hook my attic door shut so nobody in the attic could get it open. That episode was also the main reason I had to quit watching CSI.

D. I've always wished I could sing. Like really really sing. I LOVE singing. I just have a HORRIBLE singing voice. I won't sing in front of anybody. Not even my mom, husband or sister. I wouldn't even sing at the Garth concert we went to where it was so loud nobody could've heard me. Recently I started singing some in front of Hailey. She yells at me "Don't sing Mommy! Be quiet!" (Now of course this doesn't include singing songs like Old McDonald, Jingle Bells, The Animal Fair, Jesus Loves Me and Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog--or Joy to the World, whatever it's called--I'll sing those to Hailey any day...I mean like radio songs, to music). When I'm in the car by myself sometimes if I'm in the mood for music I'll put in a CD and sing so loud...I like to dream about going on American Idol. LOL

E. Like Jaime, I love all things 80's. I really miss the 80's. I loved everything about it. The comfy clothes, the awesome music, the toys...everything. I still have all my slap bracelets, troll dolls and cassette tapes. I love stretchy pants and big comfy sweatshirts. Things felt a lot simpler in the 80's. I really miss that feeling.

F. The butt of my jeans is always bagging to where I look like I dumped in my pants. Then I sit down and my butt crack pops out. It's a joke in my family. Hailey likes to walk up and poke her finger in my butt crack and say "I see you butt!" in a singsongy voice. No I don't wear ultra-low waisted jeans. I can't wear high waisted or belts because of my stomach issues. My butt crack baring is incredibly embarrassing so I'm constantly pulling my shirt down as I sit.

G. I actually do have hobbies, I just never get to do them. I LOVE bike riding. I wish I could get really into it, like biking long distances and have a really nice bike. A perfect day would be biking along the trail that runs through a little town near here along the bluff tops for hours in the Spring or Fall (with a stop at the winery for a bottle of wine and meat/cheese/fruit basket, YUM). I also LOVE photography. If I was rich I would have an incredibly nice camera, dark room, enlarger etc. I took photography in high school and showed real promise with my pictures. It really irritates me that I can't afford a good digital to get the same quality pictures as I do with my 35 mm...I don't have the patience to wait for film to be developed. If I could I would be a professional photographer. Not in a studio, but for like publications and just selling the prints etc. Another thing I got from my grandma, I love to do Fill-Ins. You know, like crossword puzzles except they just give you the list of words and have you fill it in where you think they go. I love gardening. In the spring time every year we make a trip to the farmer's market and load up our car with all kinds of pretty flowers and then spend the rest of the day planting. Unfortunately we've never lived anywhere we could plant anything in the ground so we've always had tons and tons of pots around. I plan on doing that this year with Hailey and am so excited! I'm going to start letting her pick out a new pot every year and dating it. By the time she moves out she will have accumulated enough pots for her own patio full of flowers!

So there you go, that's about all I could think of for the time being. I think most everybody I know how has probably been tagged for this one at some point some I'm just going to say if you want to do this, go for it! Leave me a comment that you did so I can go read your answers!

Monday, March 24, 2008

Take & Toss Safety

In case anybody else uses the Take & Toss sippy's and silverware like I do, a copy of an email from them confirming the safety of their ingredients...

Thanks for your inquiry.

Our Take 'n Toss products are polypropylene and do not contain BPA Bisphenol A.

We do manufacture baby bottles that are polycarbonate and Bispehnol A. Here is our standing on making our bottles with these materials.

"The First Years is committed to providing parents with safe, reliable feeding products for their children. Based on the United States Food & Drug Administration's support of the use of polycarbonate plastics and epoxy resins in food and beverage containers, The First Years is confident that its bottles containing such materials are safe.

Consumers can contact The American Plastics Council at 703-741-5588 with additional questions regarding the use of polycarbonate plastic and epoxy resins or Bisphenol A (BPA), the chemical building block that is used to make such substances.


Consumer Services

----- Original Message -----
From: **my email address**
Sent: Friday, March 21, 2008 12:43 PM
Subject: Care and Safety Question or Feedback for Customer Care

Do your Take & Toss sippy cup or Soothie products contain Bisphenol-A?

Not again

This is a pretty negative post...I'll do a more positive one about the weekend later when I can add a couple pictures. Sorry, this is all I've got right now...Our weekend was too busy to enjoy, once again. I am starting to hate the holidays because D's family insists on spending way too much time with us and then we have to squeeze in time for us to see my mom and Hailey ends up being over's just not fun anymore. Saturday started off great. We got up, my mom came over and we went to the Easter egg hunt at the school my mom works at. They had the little kids one in this little fenced playground area. Hailey found eggs and had a really good time playing and she even got to see baby goats and huge rabbits. We went to eat lunch at her favorite place (Subway) and went home and it all went downhill from there. We were just about to get her down for a nap when she found ants on our living room floor...those little piss ants. I flipped out, I cannot STAND bugs in my house. They were gathered by the hundreds under some stacks of folded clean clothes I had on the living room floor!! I had to rewash all the clothes and I vacuumed the whole house, I was so disgusted. So of course Hailey didn't get a nap. I thought she'd sleep in the car on the way to my brother in law's for my nephew W's 3rd birthday party at 3:00 but she didn't fall asleep til the very end of their dirt road! By the end of the party she was having a melt down from not wanting to leave and then all of a sudden wanting to leave RIGHT THAT SECOND and I just lost it and yelled at her and put her in time out twice. I feel like I was so mean to her. But D's in Oklahoma, I'm doing this all myself right now and his family(as in his mom, grandma and grandpa) was STRESSING ME OUT BIGTIME at the party with comments they made (thanking God they didn't have to deal w/ Hailey during her tantrum, asking my sister in law what time would be good for her for Easter and once again planning the day around them and her kids' schedule(they get up at 5:30 in the freaking morning!) and not even caring that ours is COMPLETELY different(Hailey doesn't wake up til 9:30 or 10:00) and making sure we had enough time to do OUR stuff too...taking Hailey outside to play and then completely ignoring her when she would try to talk to or play with them because they were so focused on W(and I couldn't go outside because the cold wind was making my asthma act up)--things like that) so then we go to leave and their front porch steps don't have a railing...5 steps down to concrete...I told Hailey to hold my hand and she said "No I NOT hold your hand!" but I never thought she would really try to go down the steps, and I was tired so my judgement was clouded, so instead of making her take my hand I turned around to shut the door and as I was turning back I saw her falling and it was too late to catch her and she fell from the top step straight down to the bottom and landed w/ all her weight on her FACE. Then she fell to the side onto the ground and started screaming and crying. I threw my stuff down and scooped her up and my sister in law came out to see what happened, so I'm crying because of what happened to Hailey and then I'm thinking to myself GOD they think I"m a horrible parent already because I actually discipline my child, now they're REALLY going to think I'm horrible because W's never fallen down those stairs and now Hailey has. I made sure she was ok before putting her in the car and then she fell asleep so I was paranoid she'd given herself a concussion although I knew she was just exhausted from the day. I cried all the way home. As soon as I was within range of a cell tower I called my mom and asked her to come to my house. Hailey was okay, not a mark on her. I'm still shaken up by it and feel absolutely horrible. I feel like a horrible mother. D's grandpa called me and invited me out to dinner with them and I told them what happened (they weren't there when it happened) and I was crying into the phone and his grandpa LAUGHED and said "Oh she'll be fine. We'll see you tomorrow." GRRR

Yesterday morning started off great. Hailey did her egg hunt and had a good time. I made my salad to take to the inlaws (that my mother in law told me to bring even though she knows I don't like to bring food places) and got myself ready. It was already noon and my mother in law told me to be there by then so we could eat at lunchtime. I hurried to get Hailey in her outfit and hair fixed and she didn't want any of it. I tried to take pictures of her, I got a few that are halfway decent before she had a meltdown. I lost it because I was so stressed and frustrated at having to hurry my child at yet another holiday. I took off her dress and yelled at her that she was a bad girl and pitched this boxed game to the other side of her room on the floor that she'd wanted to play with and got up and told her she was in time out and walked out of her room and shut the door. GAH! I felt horrible! I was taking it out on her and I knew it and I feel HORRIBLE about it! I went back in there after a few minutes and asked if I could come in. She was so pitiful. She said "Yea." She was just sitting there holding the game. Talk about breaking my heart. :( I opened it for her and she told me "Thanks Mommy!" and brightened up and I told her I was sorry for throwing a fit and yelling at her and she said "I sorry too Mommy" and we agreed to have a good day from there on out. Well then come to find out, my sister and brother in law were 1.5 hours late getting there!! And she had the ham! Which takes 2 hours to cook! (They were supposed to get there at 11 because of the ham). So needless to say we hurried for nothing and didn't even get to eat til after 2:30!!!!!! And Hailey was so tired from no nap again that she was throwing a mini-fit at the table til my father in law (the only one I can stand!!) saw I was starting to panic a bit and hurried into the kitchen to help me. He took her and calmed her down and let her sit on his lap while she ate so I could eat but my mil's grandparents who are normally sweet people said ANOTHER comment that got to me about the kids acting up--they said "Isn't this SO MUCH FUN!?" ??? Was that necessary, when I was already so stressed??? They didn't play with her at all and then when I went to leave at like 4:30 they acted all sad "Oh you're leaving already??" and then didn't even try to hug Hailey bye... Thank God for D's dad showing SOME genuine interest in Hailey. Oh his grandma even made the comment to me "I was hoping she'd be in a pretty little dress..." after I'd JUST explained why she was in her comfy sweat suit--because of her stressful weekend and absolute refusal to wear the dress I thought she really needed to just be in nice comfy warm clothes!

My mom came over last night and Hailey woke up from a short nap and was so tired that at first she told me my mom wasn't there! Like she wanted her to leave! I felt so bad. My mom always gets her leftover grumpy time at holidays. But for some reason I can't grow some balls and stand up to my inlaws about holidays! Anything else, yea, but holidays I just have an issue with telling them we can't come...I guess I don't want anybody to be mad at us or upset and his mom always makes such a big deal over us being there for the holidays and then she plans nothing and it's all a mess! And they don't even pay attention much to Hailey except my father in law but my mother in law is so damn touchy and ridiculous, if we don't come she pitches a huge fit and acts like a teenager and like refuses to talk to us forever. I'm just upset w/ how the weekend went when I was so looking forward to it--and that's how each holiday is these days. It's really getting to me. I'm wishing we lived far away from his family so we had the excuse to just stay home on holidays. That would be so nice once in a while. To just leisurely wake up, make some breakfast, take time to open presents or Easter egg hunt or whatever the holiday calls for, and just enjoy being together. Not have to rush here and there, make sure we get to my inlaws in time to mesh with W's schedule, have D's grandparents make comments (happens every time) if the kids aren't acting like angels like the kids on the OTHER side of the family (like the boy who can recite the pledge of allegiance and is potty trained at 2.5 yrs. old--big DEAL come on!), keep Hailey up from her naps so she's cranky later etc. etc. I've told D, myself and my mom that this year for Christmas we're doing xmas eve at his parents house and xmas day at home and at my mom's. Last year was HORRIBLE, a disaster, we're not going through that again. Hailey had nothing to open while little W had millions of presents, she got her feelings very hurt, didn't get a nap, D and I fought because of tension w/ his family and again my mom got the tired cranky leftover time w/ Hailey by the time we got to her house. So, I've said this...but am I really going to have the guts to tell them we just can't do this at every holiday anymore? I want Hailey to enjoy holidays like I did as a kid. Our family split up the days and traded off holidays. You'd think my inlaws would be okay with this, but nope. They have to have us every single holiday, because in my mother in law's words "Christmas Eve isn't CHRISTMAS!"

I really didn't want to come into work this morning. My stomach issues started up again last night, making me really nauseous. I woke up this morning still feeling sick. I'm almost to the point where I don't care if we ever have a nice house, as long as we have some decent and I can stay home and raise the kids and not work or only work part time even...I just cannot deal with having to push my body to do so much much longer. I'm just getting worse and worse. I'm sure lack of rest and the added stress from my job are not helping.

My mom has Hailey today, they're on Spring Break from school. Hopefully they have a good day today. I get off 1/2 hr. early at least, thank God.

And that's the end of my rant...for now at least...

Friday, March 21, 2008

Interesting Article

Any thoughts? I'll definitely be seeking out the Born Free bottles or glass bottles for our next baby. I don't see any reason not to play it safe. But I'm paranoid like that. :)


I can definitely tell Spring is here. Every morning this week on my way to work I've had to put on the brakes and dodge little birdie couples in the road, hopping up and down and flying circles around each other. Every year when the birds get all twitterpated I think "Well, Spring is here!" and it makes me think of my Grandma who passed away my Junior year of highschool, who, like myself, fully appreciated the telltale signs of Spring each year...the birds, the buds, the sprouts, and the promise in the air of the warmer weather to come.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Tuesday Recap

~Alarm went off at 5:15am...snoozed it til 6:00, I just could not get out of bed
~Got ready, got Hailey up, bribed her with marshmallows to get her to pee in the potty, got her ready and left the house at 7:05
~Drove 15 minutes to get to the sitters, drove 15 minutes to get to work
~Got to work and realized it was a birthday day so it was a jeans day...I was late leaving the house because I couldn't find something to wear...I could have just thrown on jeans, darn it
~Worked 8 hours w/ a group birthday lunch at noon eaten in the office
~Left work at almost 4:40, rushed across town, 15 minute drive to pick up Hailey
~15 minute drive home
~Walk in the front door, see my cat staring at me because she's starving to death and realize I forgot to leave work at noon and go get her some food
~Put Hailey's coat back on her and usher her back out the door into the car
~Drive 15 minutes across town to the vet because of course her food is prescription food which means it's only available at the vet...across town...
~Find out one of the girls at the vet had her baby Saturday, almost 9 lbs!! (my friend's parents own the clinic so I know all the people that work there, it's nice)
~Drag Hailey away from the fish tank...she's scared of but intrigued by the Plecostamus (sp??) --to give her some credit, it is the biggest one I've ever seen in my life!
~Drive 15 minutes back home (get home sometime after 6:00pm), get Hailey inside, shoes and coats off, Ratatouille on the TV...
~Defrost chub of ground turkey while unloading dishwasher
~My sister drops by to bring me my cake pan, talk to her for a few minutes, promise to help her unpack/clean her new place Thursday night
~Put in load of laundry
~Cook dinner while trying to upload the pictures from my camera onto my computer for the 50th time, something's screwed up...finally get it to work!
~Get Hailey some juice, show her what we're having for dinner
~Eat dinner
~Load dishwasher
~Put away dinner
~Attempt to fold a load of clothes...too wrinkled
~Give Hailey a bath, get her pjs on etc.
~Put load of laundry in dryer, put a load of towels in the washer
~Play with Hailey for a little while
~Put Hailey to bed at 9:00pm
~Take some Maalox, I'm feeling sick again, BOO :(
~Give myself a bath
~Scan article on parenting boys from Parenting magazine because my friend asked me to send it to her and I promised I would the email sent! (This is a big accomplishment, I didn't know how to use the scanner!)
~Type this blog post while trying to let my hair air dry a bit before I go to bed
~Take the load of laundry out of the dryer and fold before it wrinkles, put towels in dryer
~Get fancy gift box out of hall closet to take to work tomorrow for my boss's baby gift
~Make myself go to bed! (11:00pm)

God I'm tired! (I realize half this post is in past tense and half is in a sort of "to do" list form...sorry, I'm too tired to go back and fix it!)

Good news though, I found out today our application was approved for a community here in town...we're on the waiting list for a unit! Yay!
I really don't mind the rain.

If it's summer, no lightening, running around outside in a massive downpour is the best. There's just something about the big fat drops falling, cooling everything off. That was one of our favorite things as a kid...getting to play in the rain. Afterwards, when the rain would stop, we'd walk around the neighborhood and stand under all the trees heavy with the recent rain and we'd shake a branch to make the drops tumble down on our heads. I can't wait to take Hailey out puddle splashing this summer now that she's a kid.

Sometimes, especially if it's cold out, I'd prefer to be home, curled up in a warm blanket on the couch, watching a good movie or reading...not running around town going to work, running errands, getting everything's nice to just sit, nice and warm, and listen to the rain falling, the thunder crashing...

My joints hate the rain. They ache and throb. I've got a built in weather detector. I can always tell when rain's coming. I woke up achy in the middle of the night Sunday night. By the time I got to work yesterday morning it was starting to pour. It's still raining...and everyone's complaining.

But I really don't mind it.

Monday, March 17, 2008

My Fancy Princess Giveaway!

Simple is having a giveaway for a princess outfit from My Fancy Princess! Hailey would absolutely love this dress, she's such a girly girl. She loves anything pink and sparkly!

Friday, March 14, 2008


I had another stomach episode last night. My stomach was already queasy, from about Tuesday morning on, with me throwing up Wednesday morning early. I didn't eat much yesterday, a little cup of soup and half a turkey sandwich for lunch, a tiny piece of baked plain chicken breast and a couple tablespoonfuls of chicken rice for dinner. That's it. My mom dropped by for a few minutes right around 7:30 and D left for work. Then all of a sudden I started having the stabbing pains in my stomach again like I did a while back when I had to go to the ER. My stomach was gurgling like crazy but for some reason since I had Hailey I can't really have diarrhea...I get all the horrible pain and gurgling and none of the relief. Last night I FINALLY was able to go but it was a mixture of constipation and diarrhea if that makes any sense. It was horrible. I was on the toilet for over 2 hours. WHY do they not make toilets more like the benches that are in outhouses? You know, the bench with the hole??? This would be SO much more comfortable to sit on than trying to perch on top of this little tiny toilet. My stomach hurt worse because I couldn't get comfortable. Finally I gave in and asked my mom to stay til D got off work because I was going to take a pain pill. I didn't think I'd ever have to use them when they prescribed them to me. Course I didn't think I'd ever have this happen again either. I was already fighting throwing up so hard that it was extremely hard to get that pill down. I finally did and about 45 minutes later it started to kick in and dull the pain. I was finally able to get off the bathroom floor (I'd been using the dirty towels/clothes pile in the basket as a pillow, ew) and go lay in bed. I talked to my mom for a little bit until D got home. I got to sleep around midnight but it was a really weird sleep...the pill was making me a bit funky so I was having really weird dreams where I was half in/half out of consciousness and I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. Finally I realized Hailey babbling was real and got up to find her standing at her door in the dark. Just picking her up and carrying her back to bed made me almost throw up. It was about 2:00 by that time. I laid in bed w/ her til she went back to sleep and finally went back to bed. I didn't get much sleep at all. Today my stomach is still really queasy and my whole insides hurt. I also have an almost flat stomach which I haven't had in years. Tuesday at my dr. appointment I was down two lbs. to 107. As of this morning I'm down another three lbs. to 104. I haven't weighed this since oh, high school? I don't have the stomach flu. I just can't eat, can't keep anything down, keep having poop issues. Hopefully it won't last much longer. I'm so worn out and lightheaded. My stomach is still gurgling too, ugh. :(

My daughter is such an absolute sweetheart. I didn't want her to see me like that but she insisted. At one point she walked in the bathroom and kissed me on the knee. Later as I was kneeling face down in the fetal position on the bathroom floor she walked up and patted my shoulder and rubbed my back. A little later I was calling for my mom between waves of pain and my mom said "What honey?" Hailey came in and walked right up and looked me in the face and in the sweetest little voice imaginable said "What, honey? What, honey?" It melted my heart. I looked at her and told her--not my mom--"You know the chair in the living room? Can you go get Mommy's fuzzy PJ pants off that chair and bring them to me?" and off she went. She ran back to the bathroom and gave me my pants. She is just the most caring, kindhearted, thoughtful little girl. I am so incredibly lucky to have her!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

That settles it...

I've been really sick the past few days, throwing up, body aches, coughing, the whole bit. Tuesday I had a scheduled dr. appointment anyway so I made myself go to hopefully get some antibiotics. I dropped the prescription off on my way home after picking up Hailey. I hurt so bad I just needed to get home. My mom was going to pick it up later but I needed to use my credit card to get it since we're short this pay period. As we were leaving there was a cop car parked outside my house, not 15 feet from my car, and another car that was driven by a detective. They led one of the Mexican's out in hand cuffs and put him in the cop car. End of story.

Until today.

This article came out in the local paper. I edited it a bit to take out my location and all that...

Police set aside the imfamous border war to fight on the same side and bring an alleged child rapist to justice.

Thirty-six-year-old Jose Ovidio Orellana-Navarro was put in county jail Tuesday night - charged with committing multiple felonies in Douglas County, Kansas.

Police got call from Lawrence detectives Tuesday afternoon that said Navarro might be in **my town**. A short investigation led Detectives to an apartment building and police made the arrest just before 8 p.m.

The charging documents from Douglas County's Kansas District Attorney say Navarro had inappropriate contact with a girl under the age of 14, 1st degree rape, and 3rd degree aggravated indecent liberties with a child.

Police said it's not uncommon for them to assist like this, in cases from another state.

"We assist other agencies in their investigations - almost a daily occurrence. If another agency inside Missouri, or outside of Missouri feel or believe that there is an individual that they have an arrest warrant for they will contact us often to request that we assist in location that individual," explained Police Sgt. Ken **last name**.

Hammond also said Navarro remains in County Jail Wednesday night, awaiting extradition to Kansas. And Hammond said the process could take a few weeks.

No way in hell is this NOT the guy they arrested by my house. No way in hell is this just a coincidence. I am 99% sure the guy in the article is the guy they arrested by my house. Ok I know there are bad people everywhere. But this unit is three down from mine. This guy walked by my house a million times, literally FEET from where Hailey was outside playing. I was always with her but every now and then if I needed a wipe or she wanted a yogurt I'd run in and grab it with her RIGHT there on the porch...I mean I wouldn't be gone even 10 seconds. But still, that's all it would take for one of them walking by to grab her.

Whatever we have to do to scrimp and save, we've got to move. One of the other kids at Hailey's school is lucky enough to have a mom that's a district attorney or something big like that (again, don't really understand the legal system)...she goes on search warrants and what not. She said the neighborhood we have been looking at recently hasn't had any calls out there for things like domestic assault or burglary or anything like that. So, we maybe just have to come up with the extra $100 or so a month to get us to a safer place to live.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Another Giveaway

They're doing another giveaway over at Simple. This one's for a website called BabyScholars for a $100.00 shopping spree giveaway. I know Hailey would LOVE the chalkboard briefcase they sell!


D won't be back from Oklahoma til Tuesday. I was really looking forward to the alone time until I realized I was starting to feel really crappy. My mom came down with a fever Friday and now has a 102 fever and the full on flu. I'm tired, coughing and now running a fever. It sucks because I pretty much know what's coming the next few days since my mom and D have already been going through it. Today I cleaned up the kitchen and did some laundry because I knew I wouldn't feel like it this week. I'm still hoping to God I don't get as sick as they have!! Everybody at work has had it too! :( I just REALLY don't want to get as sick as everybody else has been. Hopefully I can make it to work at least a few days this week...I don't have the sick time, since a sick kid always eats up all my sick time! Hailey is coughing a little and has a runny nose but she seems to feel fine. I thought she felt a little hot but that could just be because I'm hot...I took her temp and it was fine. And I haven't been able to sleep, and then when I finally am able to fall asleep the damn neighbors WAKE ME UP which really pisses me off. We are so moving this summer, screw the money. I can't even rest in my own house! Today Hailey went down for a nap and I FINALLY got to sleep about 1.5 hrs later and slept for MAYBE 20 minutes if that and BOOM BOOM BOOM the neighbors stupid music woke me up (the Mexicans--so quiet in their house but SO NOISY in their cars!)...seriously the loudest thumping music coming from a car I have EVER heard. What the hell is the point of that??? Woke both Hailey and I up! And let's not forget to mention the neighbors in the unit attached to ours...a husband and wife that are SO ANNOYING...loud video games/music thumping through the wall into Hailey's bedroom all hours of the day and night, to the point where my 2 year old daughter asks me to help her bang on her wall to make the music be quiet...and they slam their door all the is physically impossible for them to shut it quietly without shaking my kitchen wall, apparently. They used to NEVER be like this...then in the last 2 months or so they've become SO NOISY it's absolutely ridiculous!! I have no idea what changed them! Oh and the college kids that live around here now are just WONDERFUL. A guy last night was driving at least 40 mph in our DRIVEWAY, squealing tires the whole 15 ft. from my house. So unsafe. I hate college kids. When we moved in here, it was so nice and quiet. Hardly any traffic. Just in the last 6 months it's gotten more and more busy and loud. Even worse in the last few months. To the point where I can't stand to live here anymore! I'm going insane! This has been bothering me for quite a while now but it just blew up today because I'm sick and exhausted and I can't even get any rest in my own house. I HATE noisy people!! And now I'm seriously missing my husband. Thank God Hailey had a fairly good weekend (although she wouldn't pee or poop on the potty a single time this weekend all of a sudden!) because I had to do everything myself...she made it so easy on me though. I will be glad when D gets back though. Screw alone time. I need a hug.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Jabba the Laundry Hut

Seriously, my laundry has gotten out of control. The pile's getting so big I'm sure it's going to spring to life at any moment and eat me alive. Now part of this is the dirty bedding that D's been sleeping on for the past few nights. Since he's gone and I get the bed to myself tonight, I'm washing everything to kill the icky flu buggies. I do at least one load a night. I can never make any headway. I'm determined to make a dent in this mountain this weekend. I've already done two loads tonight!

Help! I need advice!!

Hailey will be two April 14 She started potty training herself a couple months ago. She's gotten to where she'll go pee in the potty all day and evening, pees in the potty right before bedtime, wakes up dry most mornings and pees in the potty in the morning. She poops once a day and has only pooped in the potty twice...the other days she's just gone in her diaper. She wears Pampers Easy Ups (she calls them her panties) while she's with me and diapers at daycare. She still does have a little accident here and there where she'll start going in her diaper/Easy Up and then realize what she's doing and stop and finish on the potty. Is it time to take the next step towards regular panties? Should I use the Feel N Learn Easy Ups that supposedly have a special liner that makes them feel as soon as they're wet? Should I just start using those thick cotton panties or just regular panties during the day and the Easy Ups only at night?? This whole potty training thing is new to me. So far it's been easy, but I'm clueless as to how and when to take the next step! I need help!! Any advice???

Surf's Up!

One of the local movie theaters is having free Spring matinées at 10 and 11 every Saturday and Sunday in March and April! They even have a 15 minute intermission at every show. I'm so excited, unless something happens I'm going to take Hailey to her first ever movie tomorrow! They're showing Surf's Up which she's never seen. And if she doesn't like it and wants to leave, I didn't pay anything so it won't matter! YAY!!


Some ramblings from my Friday...

~Hailey fell out of bed this morning for the first time ever. For some reason she flipped down to the end of her bed, which she never does, and found the one spot on her bed the railing doesn't cover...I walked in her room this morning to find her teetering on the edge. So, the great mother that I am, I ran to get my camera. I took a picture, and then of course I ran to get my husband for him to see. So while I'm waking him up, we hear a "CLUNK, CLUNK"...she stayed wrapped in her tight little ball and fell onto the Tupperware container we have down for her to use as a step stool to get into bed, then fell onto the floor. I threw the camera onto the bed, ran into her room and snatched her up off the floor. She looked confused and sort of ticked off (I told her she fell out of bed), but she wasn't hurt at all. And she was in a great mood the rest of the morning!

~I got to work at 7:23 this morning, well in time for the 7:30 budget meeting. Go me! I feel really good about this, seeing as how I'm usually 5 minutes or more late to work every day.

~My mom has come down with the flu now too. I'm still eating my Cold-Eeze drops and praying to God Hailey and I don't get it. She wasn't as hoarse this morning, so hopefully that's a good sign.

~Looking forward to watching What Not to Wear tonight without any rude comments from my husband, since he's gone, and catching up on my taped Jon and Kate Plus 8 episodes! Also that new show on TLC where they give stay at home moms a chance to go back to work...

~So, as I said in my post yesterday, my life changes daily...last night while TRYING to take a nice, relaxing, hot bath, I had a few realizations.

  1. I'm sorry. I can't live with the noise from next door. I thought I could. But we'd had a couple good noiseless nights. Then last night I'm running my bath water and the music from next door (Guitar Hero? A stereo???) was thumping through the wall and I couldn't even take my bath in peace and it ticked me off! I can't live with the noise! I just can't!
  2. I'm paying $160 a month for physical therapy right now. And we're doing just fine. We're going out to eat, buying groceries and things, renting in the hell is that any different than paying an extra $100 towards rent/cable for a new *hopefully* less noisier place?? It's not!!
  3. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want more space. Sorry. I'm sick of the clutter in my house. So sick of it I could scream. Hailey's crib is still up in her bedroom, filled with stuffed animals, a tricycle and old clothes. Her high chair is still taking up massive amounts of space in the dining room and it hasn't been used for over a YEAR. Her stroller is also sitting in the dining room, used once every few months or so, if that, since she insists on walking everywhere now...I'm just tired of it. Some people don't mind my HUSBAND...but I do. Very badly. I don't even like to be at home because of it. One of the big reasons is because it's so hard to clean with clutter everywhere.

So Hailey and I are driving by the duplexes again tonight, to see how it is on a Friday night. My biggest fear above all is that we'll move and we'll get another noisy couple or family beside us. But I guess at least we'd have more room! My other fear is the money. Tournament season is tight, that's probably why this is such an issue in my mind right now...but that'll be done by the time we move and D will be working a lot more hours. So money shouldn't be an issue. Next semester of school he's not eligible for golf anymore, he'll just be coaching the girl's team to keep his hopefully he'll be able to work more than he can this semester. D signed the application last night. Now I just have to fill it out and turn it in.

~I had a Wendy's fish sandwich and a baked potato for lunch today. Yum!

~My boss likes to do my work. She can't get motivated this afternoon to do her own so she came and asked me for some of mine. Who in the heck is going to complain about that? I really do love my boss. She's a great person all around.

~Our conversations here at work seem to gravitate toward bathroom talk. Why is this such a hot topic amongst us? I hate to say, my family has never been shy about this topic so it's great that I can come to work and have a conversation with my female and male coworkers about suppositories and what it does to your bm's and whatnot...

~I'm dreading going home tonight...Hailey's shapes and foam puzzle is all over the living room floor. I need to sanitize everything since Dan's gone (does anybody know anything good to sanitize/disinfect fabrics? And what the hell the difference is between "Sanitize" and "Disinfect"???) I need to also change the bedsheets which is such a chore, wash all the blankets (My comforter doesn't really fit in the washer either...well I mean it does, but it takes a lot of shoving and cramming and doesn't get clean...), unload/reload the dishwasher (both sides of my sink are full and it's now over-flowing onto the counter) and cook dinner for Hailey and I.

~I get to sleep in my bed tonight finally. And I'll have it all to myself...double bonus!

Things I don't quite understand

I'm going to admit right now, I don't know a whole lot about how the government works, taxes, any of that crap...I don't vote either. I've never had any interest.

Suddenly all this stuff sort of impacts me directly and I'm left not having a clue what it all means. I don't even know how to write this post! Basically working for a non-profit "organization" -- namely, the public school system -- has a lot more of an effect on my life than I thought it would. It's also a lot different than working for a regular, profitable company. Besides the fact that I don't get profit sharing anymore (hello, no profit to share) there are also many other things coming to light that I didn't know about or didn't think of until now that I've been here almost a full year. Like, for instance, how taxes really affect my job directly. There's a whole lot of budget mumbo-jumbo crap going on right now and basically a huge levy needs to be passed by the voters or we have to cut millions of dollars worth of "stuff" in the one job here in the office (thank God I made this switch to AP from the secretarial position...thank GOD) and among other things, no raise this year. They're encouraging each employee that lives in the voting area to take along four friends to vote yes on the levy. Problem is, a lot of our employees don't live in this town. And I don't vote. But even if I did vote...this is a big tax increase they're asking of the citizens of this town. I can't afford more taxes, I pay enough already! So I would have a hard time voting "yes" to pay more taxes even if it would mean not doing all these budget cuts for the district. Hell I'm even confusing myself right now trying to post about this! It's just a big change from what I'm used to, having to worry about all this stuff now and having politics and the media and such all of a sudden becoming IMPORTANT *gasp!* Basically, since I don't understand it all, I'm going to keep doing my job, keep not voting, and when the time comes I'll do what I'm told when the time comes (this levy's not going to pass...nobody I've talked to is for it). I'm just not so sure I'd ever want to work for a non-profit ever again, if I'm ever in the market for a new job again...


There's another giveaway on Simple I would LOVE to win! This one's from KangarooBoo -- this website has some very neat toys!! The animal blocks they're giving away would be a great Easter or birthday gift for Hailey! She LOVES animals and is REALLY into stacking things these days!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

I wash my hands a LOT. Like a bajillion times a day. I'm a germophobe. Because of this, my hands are extremely dry and cracking in some spots to the point of bleeding sometimes. They are red, feel like sandpaper, and STING something awful. Lotion does nothing except make them sting worse. I didn't think it was THAT bad...until today, when somebody wouldn't touch my hands because of how they look...made me feel pretty crappy. I know they look bad but I didn't realize they looked THAT bad. :(


Ok this hasn't been a good day. I'm not going to lie. Not one of those bad days where I'm crying and feel all woe is me and whatnot but know, rough. It's such a long story. Here are the basics.

~My little sister and stepmom signed a lease on a place together so now the shit has really hit the fan. My grandma is still calling me threatening to beat my stepsister and stepmom w/ a baseball at and telling me to tell my little sister she's done w/ her and she's not her grandchild anymore etc. etc. I'm still telling my gma that she's nuts and she needs to make peace with her feelings and move on and that she needs to stop harassing me because I feel differently and don't care how she feels towards them...and that I'm not a damn messenger and she can tell them how she feels herself. I also keep telling her not to call me unless she has something nice to say to me that doesn't involve any of the family. Miraculously she then tells me I'm so smart and she loves me so much etc. Then my dad's telling my sister that I told him once the divorce goes through I'm not having anything to do with my stepmom and that she's no gma of Hailey's. Which I never said. Which really pisses me off. Because I NEVER said that. My sister told my dad I would never say that because she knows I don't feel that my dad basically called me a liar. The only times I talk to my dad, which is about once a day now, I talk to him about my health, how Hailey and D are doing, how he's doing...we never talk about the crap going on. So now he's putting words in my mouth. Last night he'd told me he was going to stay the night w/ me Saturday night. I have been flipping out ever since. I didn't want him to but I didn't know how to tell him no w/out getting mad...well luckily my sister did the dirty work for me by telling him I need a weekend to myself to rest and he called me at lunch and told me he as just coming to visit, not staying the night. YES, thank GOD. I told my dad that I'm sick of all the crap going on and how my grandma needs to stop calling me and trying to drag me into it and how I'm sorry if it sounds selfish but even though I love him I have enough stress of my own to worry about w/out worrying about all their crap too, so everybody needs to leave me out of it. I also told him I hardly see him or my inlaws, what makes him think I have the time to hang out at my stepmom's all the time now that she's going to be living in town? I told him I love everybody, but frankly I don't have time for anybody. I was totally honest about everything and I even told him he needs to forget them and move on and not dwell like he has been. Again, miraculously, he still loves me dearly and thinks I'm wonderful. Gee, it's pretty amazing what telling the truth will do, huh?

~My mom can no longer hide from her financial situation and has all of a sudden had to face the facts that she's, well, horrible with money to put it quite bluntly. I love her dearly. But she's made a lot of mistakes and she's finally having to deal with them. I've learned from her mistakes, thank God. That's why I was so devastated when I found out I was pregnant w/ Hailey. I knew exactly what it was going to do to me financially. And it did, but we found a way to fix it and we're moving on. And now we're fine. My mom has no easy out like we did w/ the student loans. I am praying to God she finds some way to fix everything. She couldn't sleep last night from the worry. I know exactly how that is. That was me back in October. She never calls into work unless she's VERY sick. She called in to work today. That's how bad it is. :( It breaks my heart that I can't fix things for her. But I know she's got to fix things for herself. At lunch time I gave her a ton of advice. Some of it, like about medical bills, she was quite surprised at. I told her I'd tried to tell her a couple years ago I would sit down and help her w/ everything and she declined. I guess maybe she didn't realize I have the knowledge I do??? Anyway she's hopefully going to take some of my advice this time. I can't pay her bills but I can give her emotional support. And if all else fails, we'll probably end up moving in together until she can get back on her feet. She's not a bum at all, she's a normal decent woman...she's just bad with money unfortunately. Anyway I'm really worried about her...I didn't know things were this bad.

~Work has royally sucked today. So busy. All this week actually. I want this week to be over with. I'm done with work. BLAH I'm not lazy, I am just sick of all the crap I have to do/put up with...namely people calling me and yelling at me for unpaid bills when it's not my fault that certain personnel can't handle their crap! All I do is PAY the bills here, okay people? I cannot approve them to be paid. Nor can I order crap. End of story. So go bitch to somebody else.

~After what happened today with my mom, I've realized that it's really smarter if we don't move. Our place may be old and have a few problems, but it's on the good side of town in a very good area, we're close to everything, I like the layout of our place and the huge windows it has...I LOVE the patio we have and the big back yard...yea, we're not moving. It'd be so silly to move and spend another 100$ a month when we could stay where we're at for another year and save up a bunch of money. This way we can put that stupid tax bonus from the gov't this May to good use, like putting it in savings to save for a house! It is a let down, I was so looking forward to the extra room!!!!!! I am SO SICK of the clutter in my little house!! But I can deal with it if it means us being able to save up some money and us being better off financially.

~Hailey's coming down w/ the coughs and hoarseness now. That's how D's flu started. I am still praying to God she's not going to get it.

The point I'm trying to make is that my life changes DAILY. Literally. NOTHING is set in stone. I HATE change. I don't do well with change. But this is how my life has always been, so I've had to learn to embrace it. If I didn't, well I really think it would drive me insane! :) So, despite all the bummer things that have happened today...I can look on the bright side...

~We're not moving! Yay! I can continue my organizational projects around our house. We'll still have room to get Hailey a little pool this summer to put in the back yard. We'll save more money...I don't have to pack....

~Hailey is doing so well peeing in the potty again. She had a few rough days...BAD tantrums, VERY angry at everything, wouldn't use the potty at all...but she's back to her old self. Last night as I was about to put a diaper on her she said "No Mommy! Panties!" Finally, she loves her big girl panties (Dora the Explorer Pampers Easy Ups)...and she woke up dry again this morning and pee peed in the potty. And then she grinned really big and said "I did it." So cute!

~We finished getting rid of a bunch of crap in our hall closet and moved about 2/3 of Hailey's toys into there on the floor and the 1st shelf. All of a sudden, she's playing w/ the toys left in the living room. I think she's like me, clutter stresses her we're LOVING our newly uncluttered living room!

~I cancelled my PT today and I'm really looking forward to a quiet night at home tonight! Baths for Hailey and I, playing puzzles, going to bed early...

~I've been sleeping on the couch the past 2 nights since D's still sick...and I've actually slept REALLY well, not waking up a single time!! I know it sounds bad, but I'm loving that I have an excuse to sleep by myself for once so I can finally get some sleep! And I'm really looking forward to this weekend, because D is going to a tournament and I'll finally get some alone time after I put Hailey to bed! I already rented a good chick flick to watch!!

~It's March, that means it's closer to Spring!!!

~Another thing to look forward to w/ D being gone....not having to pick up after him and having that much less laundry to go! Tournament season is great for the fact that it REALLY cuts down on my laundry...he basically wears the same outfits to each tournament and isn't home a whole lot. So as far as the laundry goes, it's a great time of year.

So while I'm still stressed, I'm also trying to focus on the positive. You just have to, you know?