Change

Ok this hasn't been a good day. I'm not going to lie. Not one of those bad days where I'm crying and feel all woe is me and whatnot but just...you know, rough. It's such a long story. Here are the basics.

~My little sister and stepmom signed a lease on a place together so now the shit has really hit the fan. My grandma is still calling me threatening to beat my stepsister and stepmom w/ a baseball at and telling me to tell my little sister she's done w/ her and she's not her grandchild anymore etc. etc. I'm still telling my gma that she's nuts and she needs to make peace with her feelings and move on and that she needs to stop harassing me because I feel differently and don't care how she feels towards them...and that I'm not a damn messenger and she can tell them how she feels herself. I also keep telling her not to call me unless she has something nice to say to me that doesn't involve any of the family. Miraculously she then tells me I'm so smart and she loves me so much etc. Then my dad's telling my sister that I told him once the divorce goes through I'm not having anything to do with my stepmom and that she's no gma of Hailey's. Which I never said. Which really pisses me off. Because I NEVER said that. My sister told my dad I would never say that because she knows I don't feel that way...so my dad basically called me a liar. The only times I talk to my dad, which is about once a day now, I talk to him about my health, how Hailey and D are doing, how he's doing...we never talk about the crap going on. So now he's putting words in my mouth. Last night he'd told me he was going to stay the night w/ me Saturday night. I have been flipping out ever since. I didn't want him to but I didn't know how to tell him no w/out getting mad...well luckily my sister did the dirty work for me by telling him I need a weekend to myself to rest and he called me at lunch and told me he as just coming to visit, not staying the night. YES, thank GOD. I told my dad that I'm sick of all the crap going on and how my grandma needs to stop calling me and trying to drag me into it and how I'm sorry if it sounds selfish but even though I love him I have enough stress of my own to worry about w/out worrying about all their crap too, so everybody needs to leave me out of it. I also told him I hardly see him or my inlaws, what makes him think I have the time to hang out at my stepmom's all the time now that she's going to be living in town? I told him I love everybody, but frankly I don't have time for anybody. I was totally honest about everything and I even told him he needs to forget them and move on and not dwell like he has been. Again, miraculously, he still loves me dearly and thinks I'm wonderful. Gee, it's pretty amazing what telling the truth will do, huh?

~My mom can no longer hide from her financial situation and has all of a sudden had to face the facts that she's, well, horrible with money to put it quite bluntly. I love her dearly. But she's made a lot of mistakes and she's finally having to deal with them. I've learned from her mistakes, thank God. That's why I was so devastated when I found out I was pregnant w/ Hailey. I knew exactly what it was going to do to me financially. And it did, but we found a way to fix it and we're moving on. And now we're fine. My mom has no easy out like we did w/ the student loans. I am praying to God she finds some way to fix everything. She couldn't sleep last night from the worry. I know exactly how that is. That was me back in October. She never calls into work unless she's VERY sick. She called in to work today. That's how bad it is. :( It breaks my heart that I can't fix things for her. But I know she's got to fix things for herself. At lunch time I gave her a ton of advice. Some of it, like about medical bills, she was quite surprised at. I told her I'd tried to tell her a couple years ago I would sit down and help her w/ everything and she declined. I guess maybe she didn't realize I have the knowledge I do??? Anyway she's hopefully going to take some of my advice this time. I can't pay her bills but I can give her emotional support. And if all else fails, we'll probably end up moving in together until she can get back on her feet. She's not a bum at all, she's a normal decent woman...she's just bad with money unfortunately. Anyway I'm really worried about her...I didn't know things were this bad.

~Work has royally sucked today. So busy. All this week actually. I want this week to be over with. I'm done with work. BLAH I'm not lazy, I am just sick of all the crap I have to do/put up with...namely people calling me and yelling at me for unpaid bills when it's not my fault that certain personnel can't handle their crap! All I do is PAY the bills here, okay people? I cannot approve them to be paid. Nor can I order crap. End of story. So go bitch to somebody else.

~After what happened today with my mom, I've realized that it's really smarter if we don't move. Our place may be old and have a few problems, but it's on the good side of town in a very good area, we're close to everything, I like the layout of our place and the huge windows it has...I LOVE the patio we have and the big back yard...yea, we're not moving. It'd be so silly to move and spend another 100$ a month when we could stay where we're at for another year and save up a bunch of money. This way we can put that stupid tax bonus from the gov't this May to good use, like putting it in savings to save for a house! It is a let down, I was so looking forward to the extra room!!!!!! I am SO SICK of the clutter in my little house!! But I can deal with it if it means us being able to save up some money and us being better off financially.

~Hailey's coming down w/ the coughs and hoarseness now. That's how D's flu started. I am still praying to God she's not going to get it.

The point I'm trying to make is that my life changes DAILY. Literally. NOTHING is set in stone. I HATE change. I don't do well with change. But this is how my life has always been, so I've had to learn to embrace it. If I didn't, well I really think it would drive me insane! :) So, despite all the bummer things that have happened today...I can look on the bright side...

~We're not moving! Yay! I can continue my organizational projects around our house. We'll still have room to get Hailey a little pool this summer to put in the back yard. We'll save more money...I don't have to pack....

~Hailey is doing so well peeing in the potty again. She had a few rough days...BAD tantrums, VERY angry at everything, wouldn't use the potty at all...but she's back to her old self. Last night as I was about to put a diaper on her she said "No Mommy! Panties!" Finally, she loves her big girl panties (Dora the Explorer Pampers Easy Ups)...and she woke up dry again this morning and pee peed in the potty. And then she grinned really big and said "I did it." So cute!

~We finished getting rid of a bunch of crap in our hall closet and moved about 2/3 of Hailey's toys into there on the floor and the 1st shelf. All of a sudden, she's playing w/ the toys left in the living room. I think she's like me, clutter stresses her out...so we're LOVING our newly uncluttered living room!

~I cancelled my PT today and I'm really looking forward to a quiet night at home tonight! Baths for Hailey and I, playing puzzles, going to bed early...

~I've been sleeping on the couch the past 2 nights since D's still sick...and I've actually slept REALLY well, not waking up a single time!! I know it sounds bad, but I'm loving that I have an excuse to sleep by myself for once so I can finally get some sleep! And I'm really looking forward to this weekend, because D is going to a tournament and I'll finally get some alone time after I put Hailey to bed! I already rented a good chick flick to watch!!

~It's March, that means it's closer to Spring!!!

~Another thing to look forward to w/ D being gone....not having to pick up after him and having that much less laundry to go! Tournament season is great for the fact that it REALLY cuts down on my laundry...he basically wears the same outfits to each tournament and isn't home a whole lot. So as far as the laundry goes, it's a great time of year.

So while I'm still stressed, I'm also trying to focus on the positive. You just have to, you know?