Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
This morning Hailey didn't want to leave the house. She ran away from me when I tried to put her coat on. She ran into the living room and threw herself down on her little fold out couch, SO dramatic! I knelt down next to her and she told me "No Mommy, go away! Don't touch me!" AAH you gotta love little drama queens! LOL I had to try and get her shoes on anyway and didn't notice til she was walking out the front door that they were on the wrong feet! Quite a morning...
I thought this was totally cute and hilarious! Apparently she didn't agree...here is her response...
I always make the mistake of putting M's shoes on wrong and N(her husband) always notices and fixes them. Oh, no, I wouldn't love a drama queen. When my nieces act girly and whiny it makes me cringe. Just like when M does his demanding scream. I can't tolerate drama or negativity. Maybe that's because M has been rather bad these past few days. He looks us in the eye and throws whatever we give him first before he picks it up again to eat or use. What's up with that??? And this going to the fridge every half hour to demand that we open it up so he can pick something out is driving me nuts. I guess I just don't like upheaval. I'm more of a peace and quiet lover and would like it if he were a book worm studious kid in the future but with my luck he'll be wild. Also, I have to be the disciplinarian. N is soft all the way and that irks me too. Lately, there are times when M can be a real smart ass. Last night I put him in his room twice and closed the door because he thought he'd be able to dictate what we could watch on TV by yelling his head off. It was awful, Erin, awful.
Maybe she's just having a bad day, or maybe I'm taking it wrong. But I can't seem to find a response to this without saying something really rude and mean. Hailey is not a drama queen, nor is she a whiny little girl. I know of little boys FAR whinier than Hailey. And saying when her nieces act girly it makes her cringe??? This lady is very feminine, how can a little girl acting girly make her cringe?
I'm just really irritated and my feelings are hurt. My daughter is not annoying. She has her times where she's just downright bad, but hello she's almost 2, she's a toddler! All of our friends love Hailey to pieces. They're always wanting to hold her and kiss and hug her. Maybe it's because this lady's never met Hailey... who knows. :o( My feelings are just really hurt..
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
My Aunt and Cousin are going to be okay. They were getting on a highway in KC and a car came out of nowhere and hit them at 60 mph. The car hit the front left flank of the car, missing the doors thank God, and spun them around. Miraculously they weren't hit by any other cars on the highway while they were spinning. My little 3 year old cousin bit either his lip or his tongue and hit his head. They did all the necessary tests and thank God there's no swelling in his head. He's pretty bruised and shaken up but okay. My aunt is bruised and hurts all over, esp. from where the airbags hit her. They don't have any serious injuries and are going to be able to go home soon.
It was sleeting on the way up to KC and my sister said it's now snowing there and freezing cold. Now I'm worried about them driving back safely in the bad weather!! The temp here is dropping by the hour, it's freezing here now! I had a brain fart this morning and didn't wear my heavy coat or bring my gloves! All I've got is my little fleece! I also dropped Hailey's blanket outside this morning(D took it in before he left for school) and meant to grab her coat and didn't...so all she has on is a long sleeved shirt, the jacket that matches her pants and a light fleece! This morning it was in the 50's. I went to Walmart at lunch today and bought her a new fluffy blanket with Cars on it (her new fav. movie that she watches at least once a day!) so at least I can wrap her up in that when I pick her up. MO weather is just too weird!I found out yesterday that they're discussing the possibility of letting us use flex time at work. This would mean my time to work would change from 7:30-4:30 w/ an hour lunch to 8:00 to 4:30 w/ a half hour lunch. This would be AMAZING! I would totally miss my leisurely 1 hour lunch breaks but to be able to get here 30 minutes later would be great! Morning is not the best time in our household...none of us are morning people, including Hailey. Sometimes always goes wrong and I'm forever getting here 5 to 10 minutes late which I feel horrible about! I don't know for sure yet but I'm really hoping they put the new policy into effect. It would really help Hailey and I out!
Monday, January 28, 2008
I'm reading the book The Girlfriend's Guide to Toddlers in hopes that it'll help me understand Hailey a bit more. I know I've said this a million times(or at least a few) but all of a sudden I have this kid. She's not a baby anymore at all, besides the fact that she's still wearing diapers. Before when I'd said that it was maybe how I was feeling on that particular day. Now, it's hit me like a ton of bricks. She's a kid. She eats sandwiches and wants to watch particular movies over and over and knows what it means to go to the library and check out books...I can reason with her (sometimes), tell her what we're going to do the next day and God forbid I change the plans because you better believe she remembered and is very upset that we're not doing what I said anymore...she makes her own choices, she talks about her day...she's just a kid, what can I say. I can't explain it. I sort of feel like 'when the hell did this happen??' but at the same time I feel like it's taken forever to get to this point. And just as I was getting so confident in my abilities at mommying a baby, POP she turned into a kid that I have NO IDEA how to parent. So far it seems like I'm doing pretty gosh darned good at the whole bit if I do say so myself. She seems to be coming out okay, if not a wee bit sassy. And what's funny is when she was a baby I read the parenting books and thought "well hell I'm doing that wrong!" And now I read the parenting books for toddlers and I think "well that's nice if it works for others, but that's not how we do it!" Funny how that changed over the last year...
I have my 2nd physical therapy appointment today. Not sure what she's going to do this time. I only got to do my exercises one day this weekend, yesterday. I really have to be more diligent about that...
Sunday, January 27, 2008
When I asked her what she did she said "That's Kleenex..." I asked her if she did it and she said "No." I asked her who did it then and she finally said "Hailey." At least she's honest :) I can't complain, I was wishing she'd keep herself busy for just a few minutes to give me time to get something done...well, she kept herself busy!
Friday, January 25, 2008
My kitty had her first ever dental today (she's almost 9!) and did great. Hailey thought it was very neat that kitty got to ride in the car with us this morning! At first when kitty was meowing really loud she told her "It's okay Z, it's okay. I know, it's okay" it was so sweet! Halfway to school she changed to "Z, be quiet! BE QUIET!" LOL She's too funny...
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
In other news, Hailey is still not sleeping well. She went to sleep by 9:20, was up by 10:20, didn't get her back to sleep til 1:00am. I'm at my wits end. I'm exhausted. She's exhausted. I have to get her up at 6:40 during the week. She begged me to go back to bed this morning. She threw tantrum after tantrum and refused to let go of me at the sitter's. She had to bribe her with Cookie Crisp (I muttered "Thank GOD for cookies" and quickly left!) to get her to let me leave. I got to work at 7:35 and already had a horrible migraine. BLAH
I SO deserve a cherry sundae tonight!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE GOD let Hailey sleep tonight. Please. I'm exhausted...
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
My mom and I are best friends. I mean I she is really and truly the one person that I'm almost always in the mood to hang out with. We've always been best friends, even when I was a little girl. My parents separated when I was a year old and divorced when I was about three. My mom has always been my one person I can count on through thick and thin. We're so much alike it's scary. We don't even have to talk sometimes, because we're almost always thinking the same thing. She knows when I'm going to call her (we talk on the phone multiple times daily, to the point that my husband jokes about it) and she knows when something's wrong with me before I have even talked to her that day. Thursday night before she went to bed something told her to plug her phone in (she usually unplugs it at night so nobody will wake her up). So when I called her at 3:30am she answered on the first ring and wasn't surprised at what I told her. She's at my house about 5 days of the week. We cook dinner together, go grocery shopping together, hang out on the weekends together. She loves Hailey to pieces. She's the 3rd part to our little circle now. So we keep saying it's silly for my mom to have her own place, a job she doesn't like and us to have to pay for Hailey to be in daycare when my mom would be more than happy to stay home and care for her. We keep saying if she would quit her day job and move in with us, we could 1. afford a bigger/nicer place to live because we'd be $500 a month richer for not having to pay daycare and 2. we would never have to worry what we were going to do with Hailey when she's sick. Dan and I could both keep working, we could afford a house, afford to have another kid. But...my mom and I fought really bad when we lived together. We each needed our own space. Even now, if we spend a little too much time together in a week, we start to bicker a bit. Would it ever work, all living together under one roof? I know other people that do it. My sister in law's mother lives with them and watches my nephew while they're at work. My stepmom lives with my step sister and her kids. I know other races do it a lot too, esp. Mexican and Asian families. It's common in their culture. My husband wouldn't mind. He gets along great with my mom. If we found a place that was big enough, that had separate levels to where we could still each have our own space...would this be such a bad thing? Our fear is, we'd move in together to try it out, not get along, and 1. my mom would be out her wonderful townhouse that is cheap in rent but in a good area and 2. we'd be stuck in a lease on a place we can't afford. I mean to start off she'd keep working and we'd keep Hailey in daycare. We'd just see if living together would even work. But also I worry about my kids getting too attached to my mom. Or the other way around. We lived with my grandma when I was little and I loved it. I never saw her as my mom, just like a "second mom" sort of. I had different relationships with my mom and my grandma. I'm sort of just putting my thoughts down on "paper" here. Does anybody have any thoughts on this sort of thing?
Saturday was actually okay. Hailey woke up with her right eye gummed shut but I just thought it was her cold and cleaned it off for her. I did some housework, played with Hailey, cooked a really good chicken and rice casserole and took some of that to my mom (she's still got this head cold that the rest of us have except she's worse since she has asthma)...and then went to my dad's for the evening to see my sister's new puppy her husband bought for her for her birthday and try to cheer my dad up. He's being served with divorce papers any day now and knows they're coming so he's pretty down again. Hailey had had diarea for about a week at that point...she had a huge blowout before we left my dad's. I had to give her a bath there it was so bad. Thank God I had extra clothes for her. By the time we got home my left ear was so clogged I couldn't hear out of it.
Sunday Hailey woke up with both eyes gummed shut. I woke with both ears clogged so I could barely hear at all. We had a low key day. Hailey still wasn't eating much but she didn't poop all day either so that was good.
Yesterday, thank GOD we had off work already. I woke up feeling like absolute CRAP. I had a full blown head cold/sinus infection again. Luckily last time I had a sinus infection I was bad and only took like 1 day's worth of my antibiotics so I had almost a full week of that left. I started that and called my dr. No appointments til Friday. Wasn't I just saying she was wonderful? Yea, I'm starting to second guess that...they told me to go to the convenience clinic. That's why I have a dr., so I don't have to go there. Anyway they told me to try Mucinex. I had to take Hailey to the dr. She has pink eye in both eyes and an ear infection. I am at my wits end. It's just one thing after the other lately. I have no idea where she got pink eye, nobody else has it. And we're so good about hand washing and all that. I don't know, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. Luckily Hailey's diarea was gone today, my left ear opened up somewhat and my sinus pressure lessened after I took a nap.
Then last night I had a really hard time getting Hailey to sleep. She kept sitting up and pointing at her door saying "The door Mommy, the door" and if I tried to sit up to look she'd say "Lay back down!" and sort of freak out. I finally got her to sleep and got to sleep myself about 11:30. By 12:30 D was in our room holding her, saying she'd woken up and was insisting on laying down w/ me in her bed. I took her in there. At first she was okay. Then she started freaking out. She begged to go lay down w/ us in our bed. I told her she had to stay in her own bed. She finally settled down but then would cry every 15 minutes or so. I finally got out of her room at 3:30 am and went to bed. I had the monitor on because my head is still clogged and I heard her wake up every 20 minutes or so crying or talking. One time she said "No, I don't like it! I don't like it!" and then went back to sleep. I'm not sure if the eye drops were hurting her eyes even though she repeatedly told me no when I asked her, or if she's starting to have nightmares or night terrors, whatever they're called. I kind of wondered when she was pointing towards her door...D had the dining room light on to do homework and you could see it through the cracks of the door. I normally have the light off. I don't know if this scared her, or what. Her favorite movie these days is Monsters Inc. In the beginning it shows a monster creeping out of the closet door to scare a kid. I think it looks like it would scare her. She's always acted like she thinks it's okay, and then funny when he falls on the jax and hurts his rear end. But maybe w/ the light coming in around her door last night she started putting 2 and 2 together in her little head and got scared? I don't know. All I know is neither one of us really slept last night.
This morning was horrible. I am so upset, for so many reasons. One, she fought her eye drops really bad. She was hysterical. I tried pinning her down, nothing worked. I can pin her down and shove medicine down her throat no problem. But because I can't stand to have anything touch my eye, I could only try for so long to do eye drops on her before I broke down bawling. I hate putting her through that. She was so scared and mad and upset. I called my boss and told her I was going to be late to work. I woke up D and told him what was going on. He had to pin her whole body down and help me pry her eyes open. We finally got it done. The poor thing was still so upset. You could tell her feelings were hurt. She's been telling me so much lately that she loves me, out of nowhere and with such emotion that it almost brings me to tears. I love it. This morning, I could tell by the look in her eyes, she was really hurt. And that hurts me. To make her feel hurt and betrayed like that. I'm supposed to be her safe haven, the person that keeps her from harm. And here I had my legs wrapped around her, trying to pry her eyes open while finally losing it and yelling at her to stay still because Mommy had to go to work or I'd get in trouble. AAAAH! I hate this. It's just not fair. If I hadn't of had to go to work I could have let her sleep in, wake up rested and be more receptive to the drops. She wouldn't be at daycare right now exhausted and feeling like crap, wanting her Mommy. This morning after it was all said and done and she was cuddling in D's lap whimpering while I tried to get dressed...I just lost it. I started bawling. I told D that I've had it. That as soon as we can I have to quit working because it's just not fair to her or to me. I told him I don't care if we have a nice house or nice cars. I cannot do this anymore. I try really hard to hold it all together, but when I've got a sick baby wanting her Mommy and I have to pawn her off on other people because work is getting mad because I'm gone so much, it just gets to a point where I can't handle it anymore. It breaks my heart. And nobody at my work cares what's going on. How I'm feeling, how she's feeling...I don't fit in to their little clique. They all talk behind my back. Even the ones I thought I got along with, as I found out this morning. I got to work this morning 30 minutes late. I was already feeling like I was going to burst into tears at any moment and then I get an email from the completely anal secretary, or building "mom" as I call her that ended with this:
One last thing that I have been asked to bring to everyone's attention is that when food is brought in for all of us to share, please use either a napkin, tongs, or other utensil to select an item with. Do not touch an item with your hands if you are not taking it. With as many people as we have in our office, it seems like there is always someone (or their kids) sick, so let's try to minimize the spreading of those germies!
This was directed right to me. Which really really hurts. I had suspected it, but for them to announce it to everyone like that in a building-wide email...that just wasn't necessary. We are scheduled for certain goody days and on my days they never eat what I bring. Then one day the girl that used to be pregnant and have HG said she wanted a scone that another building had brought for us. I was going back there to get some water and I offered to help her move them to another tray because the other building wanted their tray back that evening. I washed my hands really well and while she washed a third tray I moved them onto one of the trays we already had. I even commented on how I wash my hands so much they are so dry they hurt, because I didn't want her to think it was gross that I was touching all of them. After I had moved them all, she made the comment "I think I'm just going to have my leftover bagel" and then walked off. I even told my mom what happened that day, and how I really thought that she didn't eat one just because I'd touched them. I had a cold at the time, but ok I had just washed my hands really well and I barely touched them! With 2 fingers, just long enough to plop them on the other tray. The next day a few of them were gone, but most of them were thrown away. What hurts is this is one of the girls I talk to on a regular basis. That I thought liked me. But apparently my suspicions were true. I had a feeling she went and told the others what had happened so they wouldn't eat them. Then we get that email today and I know that it was directed at me. I'm one of the very few that has little kids and I'm the one that touched all the scones. From now on, when it's my turn to bring for goody day I'm not wasting my time cooking some nice dessert that they're not even going to eat. I'll just buy something cheap. One time I bought nice frozen chocolate pies and nobody even ate those! I mean these were good expensive pies! If they make a comment when I bring in a package of store made cookies I'll just say I didn't want to get them sick from my daughter's germs. But what really bites my ass is the fact that in this same email, the lady makes the comment that if you use the dishes in the lunch room you need to help unloading the dishwasher. I'm one of the few that don't help with this because I rarely use the dishes and I didn't want to touch them all and possibly infect them with my germs, seeing as how they obviously think I'm gross since they never eat the food I bring in. So, I'm not supposed to touch their food, but I am supposed to touch the dishes they're going to eat said food off of? Riiiiiight. That makes a whole lot of sense. I'm not talking to any of them anymore. I'm done. Monthly birthday lunches? Screw that. I've got errands to run. I'm sick and tired of them treating me like a disgusting outcast...because what, I rent my home and none of them do...I am poor, and they're all swimming in money...I wear older clothes, they've all got a wardrobe full of new fashionable outfits. Whatever. They don't even know me...they don't even try to get to know me. They don't like the other new lady either, because she's an older lady that doesn't care about fashion or money and is, get this, "too helpful." The only person that doesn't act like I'm disgusting is my boss. She's pregnant and she even asked to use my Chapstick last week when I had a cold. I assured her I hadn't used it in weeks so it would be okay and she really didn't seem too overly concerned. Anyway, the point of my rambling is I'm hurt.
And I haven't started yet even though it's already Tuesday. I switched to a new brand this last month, I'm praying to God that's the reason. I'm sorry I know babies are great and all, but I will be devastated if I'm pregnant. That is just so not what I need right now...and I don't want a repeat of how my life went when I got pregnant with Hailey. I wanted the next time to be different.
Sorry for the huge pity party but things are just bad right now. Hopefully they start to get better from here on out.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Not to mention the fact that NOW I find out that this drug can be addictive and when you take it for a while and then go off it you have withdrawal symptoms. ????? WTF? Ok this just isn't for me. Maybe it helps some people but...I don't need that sort of help(nothing wrong with you if you do, don't get me wrong).
The dr. said they may be able to give me something at the ER to help speed up the wearing off process. I just want to feel normal again.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Ok, so last year D and I had decided we'd start trying for another baby in Dec. 07. We told people. Some were happy, my mom wasn't. My friend that already has 2 kids that I've known since birth (she has a house, and a husband that makes good money, and she's a SAHM--hello, that's MY life she's living!) decided it would be really fun to be pregnant together so she convinced her husband to have a 3rd and said they'd start trying in December as well. I wasn't so happy about that, because what if our plans changed? And I know this might sound self centered or whatever, but my first pregnancy was so unplanned and everyone was VERY unhappy about it...not to mention my sister in law was pregnant at the same time...so I never got to enjoy my first pregnancy and have everyone make a big fuss over me! I hid it for as long as I could, I was totally ashamed even up until I had her. If my friend was pregnant at the same time, she would share some of my spotlight this time. I know that sounds really immature...I can't help it. Well anyway, as everyone knows, our plans DID change. We realized that D would be in school longer than we thought to finish his degree...and we realized we really really want a house. We rent a decent place, it's a decent size, we actually really like it. But it is a townhouse, we are connected to another unit on one side. We want our own house that we can customize and call our own(with more room preferably!). We also want to enjoy Hailey a little longer! Let her be the baby for a couple more years. So I told everybody we'd decided to wait. My mom was relieved. Others didn't really care either way. My friend and her husband kept their plans to try in December. So last month when she emailed me and said she thought she was pregnant because she was late, but it turned out she wasn't...I felt bad but I was relieved. Then she emailed me this morning...she's pregnant. And I am SO happy for her. Really I am. I promise. I can't wait to go through this with her again and see what her next one looks like and see if she'll finally get her little boy that she wants. I really, truly am so excited for her! Seriously! But...at the same time even though if I did get pregnant right now I would be really unhappy...I can't help but feeling jealous. That was supposed to be me! And it would have been SO neat to have been pregnant together, now that I think about it...it's what we always planned and dreamed of when we were little girls. To be pregnant together and have our kids be best friends just like we were. Hailey and her youngest are 9 months apart. They like each other but it's still not the same, not what we dreamed of. So, I'm going through a whole range of emotions right now. Wishing it was me, glad it's not, jealousy, excitement, happiness, jealousy, jealousy, oh and did I mention jealousy? Yea...
I know it'll happen one of these days. I just hope my husband's career choice is really that important to him. I'm putting my dreams on hold for him to be happy. I've changed everything about my adult life to accommodate him. He had better make it worth it in the end!
It probably doesn't help that another friend's girlfriend had her c-section today and D went to see the baby(I can't, obviously, because I'm sick)...everybody's having babies or getting pregnant lately :o) It's just so weird. I don't want to be pregnant right now. Seriously. I had a scare last month and I almost threw up thinking about being pregnant right now. It's NOT want I want! But I'm still jealous...does that make ANY sense? Or am I just crazy???
Thursday, January 10, 2008
But, since it's been a while since I've written anything I'll take the few minutes I have this morning to attempt a post.
For Christmas I asked my mother for a huge favor. I asked her to FINALLY help me unpack, organize and clean my house. When we moved in I had little to no help since D was out of town on a golf trip and things pretty much just got thrown into my dining room. I mean the whole contents of my house except the furniture were literally piled almost to the ceiling. Slowly I regained use of my dining room (we even have a dining set now GASP!) by moving the boxes of our crap to other rooms. It got to the point where being in my house really stressed me out. I like organization. I like cleanliness. I don't like to walk through my bedroom and have to squeeze around the towers of boxes, hoping one doesn't topple over on me (ok that's an exaggeration, they were safely stacked...the towers wouldn't topple...don't want people to think I was putting Hailey in danger here). I don't like feeling like my house is dirty just because of clutter. But I just don't have the time or the energy to get my house in order by myself. I needed help. Thankfully, my mom agreed and she is awesome at this sort of thing. Last weekend we had BEAUTIFUL weather around here. It was a wonderful weekend! I realized I had been suffering from a case of the winter blues...it's amazing what a little nice weather and fresh air will do for your spirits! We opened up the windows and spent our mornings in the back yard playing. I realized something while I was sitting there drinking my coffee, watching Hailey go from toy to toy. She really is a lucky little girl. We may not have a ton of money, but she has everything she needs or wants right now. My mom and I are total bargain hunters(it gives us a thrill...ok it gives ME a thrill, she just likes to save money) and have found Hailey a whole back yard full of toys for less than 50$. She's got a slide, a sandbox, trikes etc. I'm REALLY looking forward to spring where we can play outside every weekend!! The afternoons we spent getting started on organizing my house! We did a LOT in a short amount of time. Dressers were moved, huge amounts of crap were thrown away(3 big boxes of stuff, various little boxes and one HUGE yard waste bag full of crap!!)...we have almost reclaimed our bedroom and after moving all the computer equipment, printers, camera accessories etc. to the bar we now have a dining table to eat at again! We got a lot accomplished and the place is already looking better. Our bedroom looks huge! Our tentative plans for this weekend are to gather up ALL our clothes(which would fill a room in itself...we've accumulated a huge amount of clothing over these last 10 years that we can both still wear--we don't even remember what we have 99% of the time!!), go through all of them and weed out what we don't wear to donate to good will(a lot of mine will go to my niece...she's like 10 years old and almost my size, I'm such a runt) and then finally PUT THEM AWAY. I have a horrible habit. I don't mind doing the laundry or even folding it. But I hate putting it away. We just don't have enough storage for all our clothes. So that's part of the plan. The other part is maybe taking Hailey's crib down (finally! It's been sitting there empty for months!) and buying a little shelf to organize our bathroom products. I have been seriously sore all week, my knees and ankles have been hurting really bad, from moving all the big stuff last weekend. My mom thought I'd want to take this weekend off, but I'm way too excited about the finished product!! Hopefully this weekend will be a bit more low key than last but an equally productive one!
Friday, January 4, 2008
This is a picture of a tree here in town. I actually stole this picture from Hailey's teacher's blog because ours was crappy compared to hers...isn't it beautiful??? It's even prettier in person!!! It's a huge tree, taller than the guy's house...in his front yard.
These next two pictures are at a house here in town. They always decorate really big like this and this was Hailey's first year seeing it. She LOVED it...her favorite was the car.
I just realized I think I missed my blogoversary... :o(