I'm still here

Things have been pretty crazy over the past 4 days. It hasn't been wonderful, I'm not going to lie. I went to the ER Thursday night where they gave me Zofran for my extreme nausea and sent me on my way. That did its trick, thank God...I got home about 5:30am and called my boss and left a voicemail about what happened and how I wouldn't be there that day (I presume this is what I said, although I can't remember any of it) and then I laid down to try to finally get some sleep. I got about an hour of sleep before my alarm went off at 7:30. I called my boss again...again, I don't remember the conversation except her saying something about that happened to her once w/ a cough medicine. Then I called the babysitter to let her know Hailey would be there she'd just be late...I do remember wanting to get off the phone so badly because I was so out of it. Get this...I don't even remember who took my kid to daycare. That's how messed up I was. It was either my mom or my husband. I have no idea. It was a really scary episode that I never want to go through again. I don't understand why anyone would put themselves in that state intentionally whether it be through abusing prescription drugs or using recreational drugs. Seriously, who would WANT to feel so out of it like that? Anyway, I slept Friday morning and watched TLC and Dr. Phil Friday afternoon until D got home with Hailey.

Saturday was actually okay. Hailey woke up with her right eye gummed shut but I just thought it was her cold and cleaned it off for her. I did some housework, played with Hailey, cooked a really good chicken and rice casserole and took some of that to my mom (she's still got this head cold that the rest of us have except she's worse since she has asthma)...and then went to my dad's for the evening to see my sister's new puppy her husband bought for her for her birthday and try to cheer my dad up. He's being served with divorce papers any day now and knows they're coming so he's pretty down again. Hailey had had diarea for about a week at that point...she had a huge blowout before we left my dad's. I had to give her a bath there it was so bad. Thank God I had extra clothes for her. By the time we got home my left ear was so clogged I couldn't hear out of it.

Sunday Hailey woke up with both eyes gummed shut. I woke with both ears clogged so I could barely hear at all. We had a low key day. Hailey still wasn't eating much but she didn't poop all day either so that was good.

Yesterday, thank GOD we had off work already. I woke up feeling like absolute CRAP. I had a full blown head cold/sinus infection again. Luckily last time I had a sinus infection I was bad and only took like 1 day's worth of my antibiotics so I had almost a full week of that left. I started that and called my dr. No appointments til Friday. Wasn't I just saying she was wonderful? Yea, I'm starting to second guess that...they told me to go to the convenience clinic. That's why I have a dr., so I don't have to go there. Anyway they told me to try Mucinex. I had to take Hailey to the dr. She has pink eye in both eyes and an ear infection. I am at my wits end. It's just one thing after the other lately. I have no idea where she got pink eye, nobody else has it. And we're so good about hand washing and all that. I don't know, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. Luckily Hailey's diarea was gone today, my left ear opened up somewhat and my sinus pressure lessened after I took a nap.

Then last night I had a really hard time getting Hailey to sleep. She kept sitting up and pointing at her door saying "The door Mommy, the door" and if I tried to sit up to look she'd say "Lay back down!" and sort of freak out. I finally got her to sleep and got to sleep myself about 11:30. By 12:30 D was in our room holding her, saying she'd woken up and was insisting on laying down w/ me in her bed. I took her in there. At first she was okay. Then she started freaking out. She begged to go lay down w/ us in our bed. I told her she had to stay in her own bed. She finally settled down but then would cry every 15 minutes or so. I finally got out of her room at 3:30 am and went to bed. I had the monitor on because my head is still clogged and I heard her wake up every 20 minutes or so crying or talking. One time she said "No, I don't like it! I don't like it!" and then went back to sleep. I'm not sure if the eye drops were hurting her eyes even though she repeatedly told me no when I asked her, or if she's starting to have nightmares or night terrors, whatever they're called. I kind of wondered when she was pointing towards her door...D had the dining room light on to do homework and you could see it through the cracks of the door. I normally have the light off. I don't know if this scared her, or what. Her favorite movie these days is Monsters Inc. In the beginning it shows a monster creeping out of the closet door to scare a kid. I think it looks like it would scare her. She's always acted like she thinks it's okay, and then funny when he falls on the jax and hurts his rear end. But maybe w/ the light coming in around her door last night she started putting 2 and 2 together in her little head and got scared? I don't know. All I know is neither one of us really slept last night.

This morning was horrible. I am so upset, for so many reasons. One, she fought her eye drops really bad. She was hysterical. I tried pinning her down, nothing worked. I can pin her down and shove medicine down her throat no problem. But because I can't stand to have anything touch my eye, I could only try for so long to do eye drops on her before I broke down bawling. I hate putting her through that. She was so scared and mad and upset. I called my boss and told her I was going to be late to work. I woke up D and told him what was going on. He had to pin her whole body down and help me pry her eyes open. We finally got it done. The poor thing was still so upset. You could tell her feelings were hurt. She's been telling me so much lately that she loves me, out of nowhere and with such emotion that it almost brings me to tears. I love it. This morning, I could tell by the look in her eyes, she was really hurt. And that hurts me. To make her feel hurt and betrayed like that. I'm supposed to be her safe haven, the person that keeps her from harm. And here I had my legs wrapped around her, trying to pry her eyes open while finally losing it and yelling at her to stay still because Mommy had to go to work or I'd get in trouble. AAAAH! I hate this. It's just not fair. If I hadn't of had to go to work I could have let her sleep in, wake up rested and be more receptive to the drops. She wouldn't be at daycare right now exhausted and feeling like crap, wanting her Mommy. This morning after it was all said and done and she was cuddling in D's lap whimpering while I tried to get dressed...I just lost it. I started bawling. I told D that I've had it. That as soon as we can I have to quit working because it's just not fair to her or to me. I told him I don't care if we have a nice house or nice cars. I cannot do this anymore. I try really hard to hold it all together, but when I've got a sick baby wanting her Mommy and I have to pawn her off on other people because work is getting mad because I'm gone so much, it just gets to a point where I can't handle it anymore. It breaks my heart. And nobody at my work cares what's going on. How I'm feeling, how she's feeling...I don't fit in to their little clique. They all talk behind my back. Even the ones I thought I got along with, as I found out this morning. I got to work this morning 30 minutes late. I was already feeling like I was going to burst into tears at any moment and then I get an email from the completely anal secretary, or building "mom" as I call her that ended with this:

Miscellaneous
One last thing that I have been asked to bring to everyone's attention is that when food is brought in for all of us to share, please use either a napkin, tongs, or other utensil to select an item with. Do not touch an item with your hands if you are not taking it. With as many people as we have in our office, it seems like there is always someone (or their kids) sick, so let's try to minimize the spreading of those germies!

This was directed right to me. Which really really hurts. I had suspected it, but for them to announce it to everyone like that in a building-wide email...that just wasn't necessary. We are scheduled for certain goody days and on my days they never eat what I bring. Then one day the girl that used to be pregnant and have HG said she wanted a scone that another building had brought for us. I was going back there to get some water and I offered to help her move them to another tray because the other building wanted their tray back that evening. I washed my hands really well and while she washed a third tray I moved them onto one of the trays we already had. I even commented on how I wash my hands so much they are so dry they hurt, because I didn't want her to think it was gross that I was touching all of them. After I had moved them all, she made the comment "I think I'm just going to have my leftover bagel" and then walked off. I even told my mom what happened that day, and how I really thought that she didn't eat one just because I'd touched them. I had a cold at the time, but ok I had just washed my hands really well and I barely touched them! With 2 fingers, just long enough to plop them on the other tray. The next day a few of them were gone, but most of them were thrown away. What hurts is this is one of the girls I talk to on a regular basis. That I thought liked me. But apparently my suspicions were true. I had a feeling she went and told the others what had happened so they wouldn't eat them. Then we get that email today and I know that it was directed at me. I'm one of the very few that has little kids and I'm the one that touched all the scones. From now on, when it's my turn to bring for goody day I'm not wasting my time cooking some nice dessert that they're not even going to eat. I'll just buy something cheap. One time I bought nice frozen chocolate pies and nobody even ate those! I mean these were good expensive pies! If they make a comment when I bring in a package of store made cookies I'll just say I didn't want to get them sick from my daughter's germs. But what really bites my ass is the fact that in this same email, the lady makes the comment that if you use the dishes in the lunch room you need to help unloading the dishwasher. I'm one of the few that don't help with this because I rarely use the dishes and I didn't want to touch them all and possibly infect them with my germs, seeing as how they obviously think I'm gross since they never eat the food I bring in. So, I'm not supposed to touch their food, but I am supposed to touch the dishes they're going to eat said food off of? Riiiiiight. That makes a whole lot of sense. I'm not talking to any of them anymore. I'm done. Monthly birthday lunches? Screw that. I've got errands to run. I'm sick and tired of them treating me like a disgusting outcast...because what, I rent my home and none of them do...I am poor, and they're all swimming in money...I wear older clothes, they've all got a wardrobe full of new fashionable outfits. Whatever. They don't even know me...they don't even try to get to know me. They don't like the other new lady either, because she's an older lady that doesn't care about fashion or money and is, get this, "too helpful." The only person that doesn't act like I'm disgusting is my boss. She's pregnant and she even asked to use my Chapstick last week when I had a cold. I assured her I hadn't used it in weeks so it would be okay and she really didn't seem too overly concerned. Anyway, the point of my rambling is I'm hurt.

And I haven't started yet even though it's already Tuesday. I switched to a new brand this last month, I'm praying to God that's the reason. I'm sorry I know babies are great and all, but I will be devastated if I'm pregnant. That is just so not what I need right now...and I don't want a repeat of how my life went when I got pregnant with Hailey. I wanted the next time to be different.

Sorry for the huge pity party but things are just bad right now. Hopefully they start to get better from here on out.

TGIF

I'll start off with the good news. D got our 1st loan check today! This is the 1st one we applied and got approved for, the one that the school has been jerking us around saying they didn't have the money for us...the one we didn't think we'd have til the end of this year! AND, the 2nd loan check is in the mail to us right now, arriving any day(hopefully it's in our mailbox at home right now as I type this!!) That's really really good news. We're going to be able to get stuff paid off and have a Christmas this year! We're really excited about this!

I'm also excited about my sister's bridal shower this Sunday. I'm not too terribly excited about having to have my house spotless for these people(I LOVE having a clean house, but I just don't have the energy required to do EVERYTHING like I'd like)....but it'll be nice to see everybody and play a couple (hopefully fun) games. And hopefully my sister gets some neat stuff!

With that said, I'm really sorry but I have to complain a bit. Well, not really complain, more like just be sad for a minute. I am so incredibly glad it's Friday. I really don't mind my job, even though it can be stressful at times. I don't mind being constantly busy...it makes the days go by faster! What is bothering me and making me want the weeks to fly by, are the attitudes of the people I work with. I really get along with all of 2 people in this building (I think there are something like 16 people in the building)...coincidentally, those 2 people are the other 2 "new" people. One, being my boss, started here 4 months before I did. Her boss is her husband's best friend. When I started here everybody made it clear to me that nobody likes her. I never have been able to figure out why. She is such a nice person, and like me she just wants to fit in. The other person is a woman that started the end of August, replacing me as the receptionist when I got my promotion. Again, everybody tells me they can't stand her. "She's too helpful!" they say. "She's into everybody's business!" ?????? From what I can see, she's just very serious about her job and wants to be very thorough...and yes, while I have seen her go a bit overboard trying to help people that come into our office, is this really something to hate her over? Maybe annoyed a bit, sure, but to write her off completely? I do sort of get along with one other person, but really I think it's because she's my father in law's friend's wife. So she knows our family and therefore she can't really be rude to my face. She tells me what everyone thinks of the other 2 women I get along with here. I'm not a stupid person, although I may seem it at times(I blame it on mommy/wife brain aka I'm so tired I can't think straight syndrome). I can pretty much deduct that if someone talks bad about others to my face, and others obviously don't like me, then it's pretty certain she talks bad about me behind my back as well. Even though she swears that's not the case. These women are in their 30's, 40's and 50's. And yet they act like they're in high school. It really is quite ridiculous. And really, it's not even the fact that they don't "like" me. I'm an adult, I know not everyone I meet is going to care for me. These women(and 2 guys) have their tight little group, that until January of this year was completely un-broken by "newbies." Add to this the fact that I'm a bit socially inept and come across sometimes as a weirdo(or a bitch, which I was surprised to find out in the past!)...I knew not EVERYONE was going to like me. But come on! The whole building not liking the 3 new people? Seriously? What hurts is when one of the other people bring in pictures of their kids, or their kids themselves, everybody gathers around and talks forever about how cute the kids are. When my boss or I bring in our kids, people MAY get up and walk by to take a peek but they don't stop and chat, don't talk up how cute the kids are, don't try to interact with the kids. ???? It makes me feel so crappy. And nobody wants to see my pictures. If I ever do get up the guts to go around and show pictures of Hailey, nobody says anything about them. Like she's the ugliest thing they've ever seen or something and nobody wants to admit it. Seriously, that's how they act. It just makes it hard, when you know everybody's talking behind your back(ok I'm not just speculating or being paranoid here, I have literally walked in on conversations about me and they DIDN'T STOP TALKING!)...I was so excited to work here, everybody seemed so nice! And then I refused to be rude to my now boss(she was then just a coworker) because as I told everybody, I didn't have a problem with her like they did, and since then nobody has liked me. I really hate having to deal with this everywhere I go. The place before, the "Hell Hole," I hated my boss and the way they ran things. But for the most part I got along with my coworkers great. They made my days the tiniest bit bearable. Now it's my job keeping me here, the money it provides and the way they run the company...and the people are the downfall. I guess you just can't have it all, but darn that sure would be nice! Hopefully I won't have to be here forever. Until then, I just wish people would quit being so blatantly rude to me, or at least tell me they don't give a crap flat out so I'd quit wasting my time trying...

With that said(and thanks for listening), I am very excited about getting Hailey's pictures taken again finally after all this time. I'm on the hunt for an outfit, a dress or pant set or something! Has anyone seen anything cute lately anywhere while they were out shopping?? I haven't been shopping forever since I haven't had the money!! Hailey still wears about 18 months...if I have time later tonight I may post some ideas I have, to get your opinions!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Update

Well the meeting yesterday went very well. Aside from having to croak at people and some of them looking at me like I had 3 heads, it went great! We had 65 people show up...we'd planned on 64, and 1 didn't show but 2 extras came...65 people is an awesome turnout! And the majority of them had all the info we needed...and the ones that didn't were very nice about it. I got to leave at 6:30 on the dot, so I didn't get home too late. It's too bad that sort of thing isn't part of my normal job, I actually enjoyed it!

Today I'm back to my "cave" as all of us have come to call it. My office is dark, I'm tucked back in a corner. I talked to J, one of the women in the dept. I helped w/ the meeting last night...she said that everybody was so used to avoiding this office altogether because of the crotchity old lady that used to work here biting their heads off...so everybody's just in the habit of being scared of this area. I told her I get so lonely in here and really started to feel like nobody wanted to talk to me anymore! She assured me that was not the case.

Well unfortunately, this is definately a chest cold. I now know I got it from my boss...she told me today she's had this throat/cough issue for 2 weeks now. Me and D both have it, and it's moved into our chests. We're both coughing up green gunk. And he doesn't have insurance. I'm going to the dr. this afternoon since the crap I'm coughing up is green nasty stuff(which means I can FINALLY get my dumb dr. to refill my heart pills for another year, JEEZ)...luckily he's going to the convenience clinic tomorrow for a physical for school, and his dad's taking him(which means his dad is paying, not being he needs his daddy there for any reason) so thank God...that way they can look at him for his chest cold while he's there as well as doing the physical, and they can give him some meds. Hailey is still doing great, thank God so far she seems to have not gotten the brunt of it. She just has a runny nose and coughs a bit. Last night I snuck her vaporizor in her room because she started coughing in her sleep, and she was better the rest of the night. She woke up in a great mood this morning. She took her big Shrek stuffed animal(the one that Uncle A bought her for her birthday before he went back to Cali) to school this morning. It's as big as she is, but she wouldn't let go of it. She even put Shrek "night night" on the couch this morning. She's so funny.

Wendy I am trying the Monistat...hopefully it works as well on Hailey as it did on Lani! I tested a tiny bit of it on her hip/leg last night overnight, since she has such sensitive skin, and it didn't bother her...so this morning I slathered it all over her rash. How often did you put it on Lani, like twice a day? I figured I'd do once in the morning and once at night??

This morning's post...

I don’t have any extra time today, but I had to update on a few important things/good things that have happened.

First of all, yesterday was an awesome day. Work went great. The day started off with another department asking me to help them at this huge meeting this afternoon. Technically I’m not the “spare” person anymore, but they said they trust me and the trust isn’t there w/ this other person, so they wanted me. I was very flattered, and said yes immediately. I’m very excited about helping at the meeting. Not only do I get to get out of the office today at 2:30, but I should get in a couple hours overtime not being here! And it will be just us three women doing the meeting, which will be for at least 65 new employees. I’m going to have to help check them out in the end, and of course I woke up with a full blown head cold this morning, where I couldn’t even talk…and I’m going to have to talk to probably 20 people individually tonight at this meeting. But I’ve been drinking tons of hot tea and taking Advil, and I feel much better now. I’m determined to go to this meeting and do well!! The rest of the day yesterday was good as well. Towards the end of the day the head of our building came and asked me to help out yet another department today. I have to hurry and get my huge mound of work done this morning so I can help them out before I leave for the meeting. Apparently the new receptionist isn’t quite pulling her weight yet. She’s so nice, but they said they miss me :o) Talk about making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!! So I’ll be doing my job, then her job, then helping at this meeting. Busy, fun day!

Then last night I got home to not 1 but 2 checks in our mailbox. Our usual check from D’s grandparents, in payment for him getting a full scholarship to school…we rely on that check so much it’s ridiculous, just to get by. I knew it would be there. But the other check was a very good surprise. We get a renewal bonus for renewing our lease with our rental agency. It’s normally 100$ a person, but this year since we’re married I thought they’d jip us since only one of us has to sign the lease now, and give us 1 check. Well they gave us 1 check, but for 200$!!! I was so excited. That means we can pay our bills this month, yay!! It came at the perfect time, this payck was short…anyway…

So to keep my good day rolling…last night my husband came home for a quick meal before rushing off to work. I was exhausted, my throat hurt, I was trying to wrangle Hailey down to change her diaper to get her ready for bed, it was almost 9:00…and my husband says to me out of nowhere. “You’re a trooper, you know that??” I told him thanks, that I’m really trying. He said “There’s this country song out now, that talks about being strong and handling a lot or something like that, and it always makes me think of you.” How sweet is that? It really touched me, for him to say that. Here all this time I didn’t think he appreciated everything that I do…I thought he took it all for granted. Just that one little comment from him meant the world to me. And as if that wasn’t enough…D got no sleep last night, he has a major sore throat too. I could hear him rustling around as my alarm was going off this morning, which is odd because he’s never awake that early. I thought oh jeez, he’s going to be a huge grump today. I snoozed the alarm and laid back down. 10 minutes later D is lighting shaking my shoulder, saying “Waky waky Mr. Lion” in my ear. You know, like the lemurs say to the lion on Madagascar. We’ve had to watch that movie a lot lately… So that was a nice way to wake up this morning.

I think I’ve figured out what this rash is that Hailey has on her upper/inner legs and very lower belly. She’s been using these diapers for a while now, so I know it’s not that. Well it appeared right when she finished with her antibiotics for Strep. It’s a yeast rash, a common side effect of antibiotics in babies/toddlers. Not like a yeast infection like a woman gets…it’s nowhere near her little “hooha” as we call it. But it’s not responding to any diaper rash cream we use, not even our old favorite Beaudreaux’s. So I found an article on BabyCenter that says not to call the dr, but to try OTC Monistat cream first, and if it doesn’t get better in 3 days, THEN call the dr. So while I’m at the meeting tonight my mom’s going to go pick up Hailey and get her some cream. Hopefully it’ll work. I’m not too concerned, because I mean it’s not hurting her, and she’s not scratching at it. But I know it does irritate her some, because she doesn’t want to wear a diaper anymore…and of course nobody wants their kid to have a rash. So hopefully the cream will take care of it.

My grandma and I re-scheduled our visit again. I really want to see them, I feel really bad, but she understands my need to spend as much time with D before school starts back up on the 27th, and by some miracle his tournament this weekend was cancelled. He’s going to the Lake with a couple friends from school, one that just got back in town from Mexico(the country, not the city) Friday and Saturday, but then Sunday he’s going to be home. That’s the day I was supposed to go see my grandparents again…but my grandma is busy Saturday. So we’re going to do it next weekend, and that means I get a free day to spend with just Hailey and myself Saturday, and then a day with D on Sunday! Good weekend…

**UPDATE**
It's now about an hour and a half til we leave for this meeting and I'm started to get nervous! My voice hasn't gotten any better since this morning, so I'm feeling all self conscious about that, and I mean come on there's going to be upwards of 64 people there!!

Office Politics

I'm so sick of working in an office. It doesn't matter where you work, there are always people there talking behind backs, causing drama. I'm just so tired of it, I cannot stress enough how much stress this puts on me. I NEVER wanted this for an occupation. I fell into it. I have no interest in Accounting, or even working in an office building! My mom worked at my previous place of employment...you know, the Hell Hole, my whole life. I always told her "I don't see how you work there, I could NEVER work at a place like that..." meaning an office building. And where did I end up? I tried to go back to school, get a degree, so I could do something I enjoyed. Like the field my husband is getting a degree in for instance. But I couldn't get into the University here, because I'd never taken the ACT's...and I didn't have the levels of Math required to go there. I got into the private college in town, which didn't have the degree program I was interested in...but I chose another field, only to have my advisor push me to get a 2 year business degree. Hello, that's why I was going back to school, to get AWAY from business! He was so adamant that I just suck it up and continue my current path that I never registered for classes. Instead I began saving up as much money as I could and moved out on my own. And well you know the rest... now, I'm just waiting. Waiting it out, putting up with all this crap every day...until we find out where we're going to be moving after D graduates. And then I can quit working, and finally FINALLY get away from all this. It's just so tiring, all the little petty day to day crap...if I'm going to be sitting at a computer I want it to be for fun, not work. And just now we had our staff meeting...the office secretary (who is a wonderful woman, very anal about everything, and is the reason this office runs so smoothly!) brought up a printing issue. While she was talking about it, I got the distinct feeling the "issue" was directed at me. I know I didn't do what they were saying "someone" had been doing wrong...but somehow someone thought I had done it. And what made it even worse than her announcing the issue to the whole office, was the fact that my two coworkers sitting near me, who were at the other end of this "issue" were whispering to each other "She has no idea we're directing this at her!! HEHE!!" I'm not jumping to conclusions here, I know they were talking about me. And it doesn't even bother me that bad, I'm so over all of it! I'm just counting the months til I can leave, and do the job I've always dreamed of doing.

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it....

WOW I am in a weird mood today. A very good mood, silly, excited, crazy....great mood! First off, this is my last day in the poo hole, YEAH!!! And I don't have to work a full day...DOUBLE YEAH!! Because this is my last day here, ever, I don't have to worry about how many hours I got in this week, or what work I got done today. It's a free for all, I can do whatever I want and nobody can get onto me, YEAH! So right now I'm doing checks, because yea I'm such a rebel...sigh...but I'm taking my time and I'm blogging and oh wait, that's nothing different... yea I told you I'm in a weird mood. So anyway, I also called this place about a medical bill today because I got a statement for $314 from when hubby went to the ER back in January. I called to set up a payment plan and the girl kind of giggled and said "but the balance is only $43!" Excuse me?? I told her what my statement said, and she said the insurance paid more on it and it must have crossed in the mail with that payment. They're sending me another statement for the $43 and I can just pay that when I get it. Awesome. I am thousands and thousands of dollars in debt between hospital/medical bills and freaking credit cards etc. because of hubby being in school. So this was great news. I'm also excited because H's daycare goes down after next week! Only one more week of paying $150. It only goes down to $125, but hey that means we're $100 less short than we were per month! I called my MIL Wednesday night bawling, I was so stressed about money because I got that stupid bill in the mail for $314. She's great, she calmed me down and gave me a new perspective on things. I hate money. Anyway...so back to the fact that I'm leaving here, after today I will no longer be an employee here!! I feel like I should be sad...I should be thinking this is my last day here ever, my last day at my desk, my last day using the microwaves in the kitchen, my last day taking a pee in the poo-strewn bathroom. But I'm sorry, I'm just excited... I packed up my stuff 2 days ago. I'm all ready to personalize my new work space at my shiny new job. Speaking of my new job, my new boss just called me to get a 4 digit number from me for my new security code to get in the building. He told me to "take it easy" before we got off the phone. I think I'm really going to like that place.

I don't know if I'm on a sugar high from this chocolate chocolate chip muffin a coworker made me, or what.

I'm going to lunch with my friend MM again today...went to lunch with her and another friend Monday. But MM is really sad I'm leaving her after all these years and she took this afternoon off so we're going to do lunch again. She's all paranoid I'm going to forget about her once I'm at the new job and never talk to her again. She told me I'm required 5 emails a day to her. It sucks because she lives in a different town, so we hardly ever get to get together aside from work. But we'll just have to now...

I'm finally starting to realize that I had a baby. I'm a breeder....and I don't mean that in a bad way. But I mean, I actually had a baby...I contributed to the human population. I made a person, that is going to grow up and have her own life and have her own babies. You have to understand, I did not plan on having a baby for at least a few more years, I was not only completely shocked that I could even get pregnant(because all my life for some reason I just really felt like I would never be able to have a baby...I have no idea why, except maybe it was just a fear because I knew I wanted children so badly) but when I had the baby I was completely shocked at the fact that I had this baby to take care of, that I just wasn't prepared for. I feel totally blessed that God gave me a child, and blessed that I'm able to get pregnant and grow a perfectly healthy baby. It's just amazing...I'm a mom...I'm in the "parent" group now. I'm no longer one of those women that can't give parenting advice, or one of those women that "moms" ignore...people actually ask me parenting advice, listen when I talk about pregnancy or birth etc. And my daughter is amazing, she's so bright and perfect and she's always in the best mood, giving me smiles and hugs. Last night she was sitting in her chair eating peas on the living room floor and she started fussing like she wanted out of her chair. So I cleaned her off, thinking she was done. She climbed into my lap, leaned over and continued eating her peas, smearing pea goo all over my pants in the process. She just wanted to sit in my lap. I love moments like that. I love being a mom!!

Oh yea, and TGIF!!!

What a nightmare...

I had the worst, weirdest dream this morning. I was with my husband and a few of his friends and his cell phone rang. The number for some tanning place came up. He said he had no idea who that could be and didn't answer it. So I called the number back and a girl answered. I asked her name and she said "S"(who is this girl that is my sister's age, 20, that D works with in real life)...I knew right away what was going on and I looked at him and told him I couldn't believe it. He just said "sorry" like he didn't even care. I grabbed my stuff and Miss H and left and I went to my old friend K's apartment. I haven't seen K since I lived in KS, I have no idea what made him show up in my dream??? It was so weird. But I went to his apt. where he was hanging out with a bunch of his friends, just like back in highschool...he hadn't changed at all except he was older and better looking. And he let us come in and we all went to bed but it was weird because he was taking care of us but at the same time acting like he wasn't too incredibly happy to see us. It just made me wake up feeling totally crappy that my husband cheated on me in this dream(why in the world do I have to keep having dreams about that??) and that nobody else wanted me around either. Jeez talk about a shitty way to start off the day!

I won't be able to get on the internet on my breaks and in any free time I have at my new job like I do at this place. My "space" is very open to everybody, not private like it is here, and while they allow us to use 60 minutes of quota time a day here, there isn't anything like that set up at my new job. It's pretty much use it for work purposes or don't use it at all. So hopefully I'll find time somehow in the evenings to sneak in a post here and there, at least a few times a week :o( My days of poo-watch here are coming to and end very quickly, thank GOD...the chimp hasn't been spying on me anymore(see I knew she had bad intentions!) and my bosses are pretty much leaving me alone. It's been nice. I've taken extra time lately to read blogs, or check email or MySpace...I'm not busting my butt like usual to get things done. Frankly, I just don't care anymore. Leave it for them to do when I'm gone...

My coworker used this body butter stuff from Body Shop today and she smells SOOOOOOO good...all coconutty. Wish I had some of that stuff!!

Time Management sucks

One of the things my boss is doing to whip me into shape and make me a better employee (GRRR) is making me read this wonderful book on time management. Did I say wonderful?? Oh I'm sorry I meant STUPID ANNOYING INCREDIBLY BORING MAKING ME FEEL VERY UNORGANIZED AND STRESSED OUT book. The first line in this book is "Time keeps on slipping...into the future" - Steve Miller Band in "Fly Like an Eagle".....way to start off the book, make me realize how much time I'm wasting as I read this book on how not to waste time... I'm wondering who in the hell wrote this, they keep referring to songs....About time, they say "Like "ole man river," it just keeps rolling along." I finally get to the 2nd page(and this is not a large book here...it's really not holding my attention--can you tell??) It goes over a scene where your task is a simple one...finish a report for your boss by the end of the day and arrive at your son's recital at school on time. And it says you rush around like a chicken w/ it's head cut off all day, don't finish the report, get in your car and it won't start because you left your lights on all day, rush to the recital only to walk in late and see your son taking his final bow...and it says "What did you accomplish? You are nervous, harried, worried, disheveled and in trouble at work and at home. How can you prevent this from happening again? GET ORGANIZED!" NO SHIT?!?!? That's all??? That's crazy, why didn't I think of that?? Maybe I should put my time to better use(instead of wasting it at this crappy job where I'm not appreciated and evidently don't get a lick of work done) and write a book on time management myself...because seriously I could have written this book. And the whole time I'm reading, not comprehending anything I've read, all I can think is WHY ON EARTH DO WE HAVE TO HAVE MUSIC AT WORK, THIS CRAPPY MUSIC IS DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY INSANE

Is it Friday yet?!?!?!

So I just finished typing up some 1099 instructions for my oh-so-important and ever-changing procedures manual and I'm seriously ready to just pack up my crap and get the hell out of here. For good. I'm tired of the chimp(who I now know is also a big ol spy, relaying false info to my boss and getting us all in trouble for things we didn't do) I'm tired of my crappy boss nit-picking everything to death, I'm tired of her boss looking at me like I'm a worthless piece of trash that he'd LOVE to boot out the door...I'm tired of the gossip and heresay, I'm tired of not being appreciated for all the crap I get done here everyday. I'm tired of being watched like I'm in school...yesterday I got in trouble for being in the bathroom too long. I had to take a shit, I'M SORRY. But apparently that is something else I'm not allowed to do here anymore. Now this morning the issue is my time sheet. And the fact that I fill it out ahead of time for the week, to plan out my hours. Apparently this is REALLY confusing and I'm not supposed to do it anymore. Ok I've done that the entire 5 or 6 years we've had electronic time sheets on Excel. But now, it's too confusing, so I'm supposed to stop. Well I'm sorry, but my response was not "yes master" like I'm supposed to reply...I politely told her that that is the way I do it and that it helps me plan out my week. We'll see if I get a butt-whooping after her meeting is over and she reads the email. Seriously, if she says anything to me about how my reply was "uncalled for" or emails me and tells me not to argue w/ her and just do what she says...I'm THIS FREAKING CLOSE to leaving, right NOW. Regardless of whether or not I get that job I interviewed for yesterday(which btw the interview went well I think and I'm hoping hoping hoping I get it and going to feel like shit if I don't)....that's how bad it's gotten here, I cannot deal with this insanity any longer...I would rather take my 401k money and hope I can find a job in the next month. I'm so pissed I could scream.

On a more positive note, I got my letter of recommendation from this lady we've been friends w/ for a while that I worked w/ part time at Dillard's for a couple years. She's the Senior Academic Advisor for the Dept. of History at the University so she's pretty important LOL and oh my she gave me the best letter of rec. it was really touching to me to read what she wrote and realize that that is what she really thinks of me. See, I AM a good person and I AM a great employee!!! One of the other ladies is a scientist in some lab here in town, she's never told me where. But she is the sweetest person. Actually she doesn't get along with a lot of people(my mom included), but for some reason she loves me and we get along great. I worked with her at Dillard's also. Anyway she's got her letter written, she just has to have her secretary type it up for her today so she can fax it in. I wish I could read her letter, I'm really interested as to what it would say.

H woke up with a cold today :o( Face full of snot...it was crusted all over her face the poor thing. She was trying to blow it out of her nose, it was so cute. But she was coughing gunk up too and it almost made her throw up. I feel so bad for her. She had such a good night last night, in a great mood the whole time we were running our errands, and she LOVED the warm weather...she pulled her socks off in the car and went barefoot in Dillards and Walmart, talking and giggling the whole time. And when the wind would blow on her she would just smile so big and laugh. We were standing in the empty Dillard's parking lot after the store closed and it was so warm outside...I lifted H up above my head so she was flying like an airplane and spun in circles while the wind whipped around her. She was in heaven!! Then we went to Walmart, which she LOVES. We bought her a swing she and I both fell in love with. Yes, we do things backwards in this family. We had our baby before we got married, and now we bought an infant swing for our 1 year old. We're weird. But ok this swing holds up to 30 lbs. H doesn't even weigh 20 yet. We never had an infant swing except one of those little table top ones that she HATED with a passion. She loves the swing at the sitters, one of those normal sized ones...she still falls asleep in it to this day! So this is a new pattern/design out from Graco...I had told my mom the only thing we'd need to buy for our next baby is a swing, so now we have it! H was so upset when I wouldn't put her in it right there in the store. I stood her up on the shelf and she tried to climb in it. Here's the link and some pics(it looks MUCH prettier in person I swear!):

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=5223218





She's going to love it, and I can even take it out on the patio and let her swing in the warm spring air!! And maybe, just maybe, she'll nap well at home now!

Went to Culver's for dinner last night w/ mom and H and had a great time...we were there an hour and didn't even realize it!! I love hanging out with my mom, we have so much fun together. Anyway I had their frozen custard for the first time...I got a concrete with blackberries and sprinkles...SO GOOD! And cheap too. I ate almost the whole thing.

Alright I've been writing pieces of this here and there...better get back to work.

WANTED

As I'm driving to work this morning my cell phone rings, and it's my friend M...the one that works at that other company where I had that interview...the one I haven't heard from in ages until I got an email from her last week telling me they bought a house and are in the midst of huge renovations so she's been super busy...anyway she tells me that the lady in charge of hiring at the company she works at just came and asked her if I'd possibly still be interested in working there. She said she just wanted to give me a heads up that they may possibly call me. I'm not counting on it, but I thought that was pretty neat that they asked about me. They wouldn't give her any more details, so I don't know if the person w/ the degree that they hired for that position quit, or wasn't good like the last person they hired and they fired them, or if it's another position entirely or what...but after this company I'm at now making me feel so worthless it feels good to have the school system calling me non-stop and even calling my mom to track me down to get an interview, and now this other company may be interested again! I'm really hoping for the school system job though, ins. is way better there and I think I'd end up with a bigger payck from there. Plus it would just be awesome to work for the school system. Construction accounting would be cool, but a challenge for sure. I think I would like Payroll better. Anyway enough about work crap...

Last night went ok. Dad, stepmom and brother left about a quarter til 8:00. D came home, ate, went to work...I put H to bed around 10:00 after ripping up a bunch of cc offers we got in the mail and letting her throw the paper all over. When D got home he put away the shampooer and vacuum and emptied the day's bottles etc...I really don't know what's gotten into him but I like it. He asked me very gently what the mess in the living room was all about. Since when does he care about messes?? But I admit, this mess was bad, little rips of paper everywhere mixed in w/ toys. I laughed and told him I really tried to pick it up but every handful I put in the plastic bag to throw away, she pulled back out...so I thought it was a lost cause and gave up and let her play. I went to get ready for bed and would you believe he picked up all the paper and took out the trash?? We watched Leno--his fav. and Letterman--my fav.(flipping back and forth) in bed(Paula Abdul was on Letterman, she is getting weirder and weirder as the years go on)...we're loving the TV my mom gave to us for the bedroom(which actually it was my TV to start with, I got it for xmas one year when I still lived at home and then left it there when I moved for my mom to use!)...anyway we both agreed that it's been really nice since he's been home from his trip. We haven't bickered hardly at all except for a tiny bit on Friday night when he was grumpy because I wouldn't decide where to eat(somehow no matter who I'm with or where we're at, that task always lands on MY shoulders and I hate it!!) I am not looking forward to him being gone every weekend for a month :o(

Ate lunch with sis today, more low key than last time, a tiny bit of giggling but mostly we were both tired and wanted naps and we talked about movies. I want to see The Hills Have Eyes 2, even thought it looks incredibly fake and unbelieveable...I saw the first one when I was pregnant with D and his friend TJ...they jumped in their seats and I just sat there! I HATE scary movies, HATE horror flicks, but I liked that movie. I'm weird, I know. I was very interested in the fact that they were deformed from radiation and living all alone like that or something, I don't know. Anyway the 2nd movie the people look like monsters, not believeable at all, but I still want to see it. And that Blades of Glory movie, gotta love Will Ferril!! I never get to go see movies at the theater anymore since Miss H can't go. My sister goes all the time. She just saw that one about that old lady with all the dolls, can't think of the title...but I cannot believe she went to see it, we are both insanely scared of those porceline dolls like that AND clowns, and there's BOTH in that movie!! She's nuts. She said there's another scary movie coming out in April about some sort of bugs that live in people's skin...it sounded interesting. And one called Knocked Up or something like that that looked funny. It's about time some good movies came out.

Someone smells like poo in my dept., YUCK...

Well, of COURSE, the lady I work with came and told me this morning that her granddaughter that is 2 days older than Miss H took 2 steps yesterday. Big ol SIGH. WHEN will H start walking?? It seems like everybody else is walking. She's been so advanced all her short life so far but not on this. I'm not worried about it except EVERYBODY keeps asking me, "Is she walking yet, is she walking yet??" and then acting like it's bad that she isn't. At first my mom told me "none of the babies at school her age are walking yet either, don't worry!" and then she told me last week "Well, actually, after I told you that they all started walking"....NICE! And then I thought well Baby A hasn't taken steps yet either. And then I got that news this morning. Not only is Baby A talking way more actual words than Miss H, she's now walking. H cruises the furniture, she can even stand on her own when she feels like it. She doesn't seem lazy, she zooms everywhere all the time, the girl never sits still. She's eating like crazy and sleeping ALL NIGHT(as in she doesn't cry in her sleep for her pacifier anymore now...I used to have to get up maybe 2 times a night to pop her pacifier back in her mouth and then go right back to bed) now, maybe she's going through a growth spurt and doesn't have the time/energy to learn to walk and learn more actual words right now? She's been repeating sounds lately, like this morning she was saying "pass" and pointing at her pacifier or "buh" for bug etc. I know I shouldn't worry, but I can't help it. By her age I was both walking AND talking, and I had a brace on my legs til I was 9 months old even. And I was even talking short sentences, like "more milk" etc. And I feel bad, I can't help but think to myself that maybe it's because the kids in D's family walked and talked later, and blaming these "slow" genes on his side of the family. After all my nephew(his brother's son) didn't learn to walk well til he was about 18 months and STILL can't talk well enough for us to understand him and he's 2. Which there is nothing wrong with, I'm just saying that's later than the kids in my family do things. Hell my nephews/neice were potty trained by age 1! I cannot imagine H being potty trained in less than a month. Right now she still just wants to chew on the toilet lid and throw things in the pot. I feel like maybe I don't work with her enough...but I do constantly. I play with her instead of doing chores or cooking, and I talk to her constantly, naming objects, telling her what I'm doing. Some nights I do more than others, I admit...but I work 40 hrs a week and don't get home til 6:00 usually, and only get maybe 6 hrs of sleep a night if that. I'm tired. Last night I let her play with the paper shreds for a good 20 minutes while I sat on my butt and checked blogs and my email. And then I felt horrible. And her daycare is great, she used to be a 3rd grade teacher and does circle time w/ them and all that. But she also teaches them sign language which D and I had decided we were NOT going to do because we are those people that believe it hurts more than it helps. Nothing against anybody that believes the opposite. And honestly when I think about it, none of the kids that go there talk well. Her son is 3 and I understand a lot of what he says but he doesn't talk "well"...her 1 year old doesn't say any words that I know of except maybe dada, but he generally doesn't babble like H. Her niece that's now 2 doesn't talk AT ALL. Maybe it's just the kids in their family talk later. But I can't help but think maybe if I could be a SAHM she would already be talking and walking. I hate the fact that I can't stay home with her. I never wanted to be a working mom. Even when I was little bitty I dreamed of being a SAHM. One of these days, hopefully...maybe I'll be able to do it right with our next baby...

Better get back to work. Fun day committee meeting in B's office at 3:00, YIPPEE!! (note sarcasm)

I love these non-stressful days

My boss went home sick again today, shockingly enough...and for once I felt free to work at my own pace and I didn't feel like I was constantly being watched. It was so nice. I wish I had a job that was like this every day. Where I could get my work done STRESS FREE. How awesome would that be??? And only 10 minutes left til I get to go pick up Miss H, thank goodness. Company coming tonight evidently...my dad, stepmom and little brother again. I think they want to make this a regular Monday night thing. I'm always so tired Monday nights. But oh well, at least they're making the effort to be a part of our lives for once.

Taco Bell date with my sister tomorrow, looking forward to that immensely. Always brightens my mood!! And I am craving food SO BAD.

TGIF

It's finally Friday again, YAY!!!!!!! Actually this week has flown by. D was gone all week but we were so busy I didn't even have time to sit and pine for him like I usually do. I am very happy he's home though, it was so nice to cuddle up next to him in bed last night. I did what I usually do, cuddle up next to him so bad I literally almost push him off the bed...he has like 2 ft. of space if that to sleep on and we've got a queen bed. Hopefully he's happy to be home to :o) Miss H was so happy to see him this morning. She smiled really big and giggled and then stuck her finger in his belly button. She fell asleep on the living room floor last night about 8:00 and I couldn't get her to wake up enough so I put her pjs on her at 9:00 and rocked her to sleep w/ a bottle and she slept all night til 7:40 this morning when she woke up because she'd pooped. I could tell she was so tired. I don't know if it's the time change or how busy we've been or what, but she needed the rest. She was in a GREAT mood when she woke up this morning.

I absolutely love my drive to work every day. I take the back roads through the country because it's actually faster and WAY better scenery. It's so nice w/ no traffic, and I see deer and turkeys and chickens on the way there, and little birds swoop around my car. It's so peaceful!

I got a call from the school system last night wanting to set up an interview w/ me! They called while I was still at work and by the time I got off they were closed so I was going to call them back at lunch today using D's phone(mine's still messed up)...and they just called again! I can't answer because 1. they couldn't hear me talk anymore since my phone's messed up and 2. I'm at work! My mom just emailed me(she works for the school system at an elementary school) and said they just called her asking if I'd gotten my message yesterday! She told them I'd be calling them at lunch. I haven't turned in my 3 letters of recommendation yet, I need to get a move on on that. I'm so excited though...this is a payroll job requiring 2 yrs of experience, and I have accounts payable experience not payroll. But I applied anyway thinking what could it hurt, and they are actually interviewing me! It's really hard to get a job w/ the school system though so I'm not getting my hopes up. But how cool would that be? And the pay is more than I make here, AND they would pay for my health insurance! I would still have to pay group rates for H and D, but that would help a ton if they'd pay mine. So we'll see what happens with that...

Busy day so far, a million cks to do. Thank God it's Friday. Trying to figure out what I'm going to do tonight, don't know when D's going to be home. I was thinking about going by this children's used clothing store, I used to get some of H's clothes there when she was a little baby, but they've gotten kind of pricey. The stuff is really good condition but still it's used...I don't really want to pay 7.50 for a Gap onesie when I could buy a brand new one for not much more than that! But sometimes I would find really good deals, cute little dresses or whatnot for 2.00 or so. I'm really wanting to go to Old Navy, but we don't have any money...I need a couple more of their knit skirts since I wear those a TON in the summer and the ones I had last year are way too big now. And some tank tops, since my boobs also shrank quite a bit since last summer...since I quit breastfeeding they've steadily shrank. Will probably end up just hanging around the house...wish it was still warm, I'd love to take H on a walk!

Better get to work...D's meeting me for lunch today, I'm looking forward to that.

No sense

I have a million job duties at work. I've got a lot of crap to get done every day, and I can never get ahead. I've got 1 coworker(an old lady so close to retirement but not close enough as far as she's concerned) that sits at her desk 3/4 of the day doing nothing. Literally, nothing. Then there's the French lady, who I get coffee with every morning and sometimes lunch at McD's...she runs out of work fairly often also, and complains of being bored. Then my other cuby neighbor, she spaces her work out and surfs the net some of the day to make herself always look busy. Then there's the Chimp, as mentioned in previous post...who also never has anything to do. Her job was created by my boss because my boss is freaky anal about everything being done 2 wks ahead of time and she wants things quadruple checked before they get the "all clear." We didn't need the extra person, as she always complains of having nothing to do. Which means she frequently wanders around being nosy, coming over to stand behind me and see what I'm doing on the computer(I don't fully trust her) and bug me for work to do. This morning I let her key my JE's. After all I have a million things to get done. Do I need the help? NO....but she needs work, so by all means take mine, I don't give a crap. Actually she is working on a "special project" for my boss. Which means crap to fill up time so it looks like she has something to do so the big boss won't think hiring for that position was a mistake. SO...this all brings me to my gripe about my job and this dept. and how it's run. My job is by far the busiest position...I have lots of daily, weekly and monthly duties that have to be done. I get them done. But yet I get horrible reviews every year because supposedly I don't get things done on time and am constantly needing help. I have explained to my boss that people taking my work because they have nothing to do does not define "needing help" but apparently I'm just a shitty worker and don't know anything. I am told I need to get to where I have free time like everybody else. WHY??? Why in the world should it be our goal to be bored out of our minds with nothing to do? Their answer to that is to study...for stupid designation tests that I have absolutely NO desire to take. I could care less if I take any INS courses or get my CPCU designation. I am not striving to succeed in the insurance industry here. I'm striving to be the best possible worker I can be at MY POSITION, which for now pays my bills, and then when I have the option I am going to move on. And why, if everybody else is constantly having nothing to do, don't they even out the workload a bit? Give the JE's to Chimp and the Deposits to Old Lady. Oh but then I won't have anything to do, and GOD forbid I ever run out of work! It's ok for the rest of them, but for me, no! It doesn't make any sense. I get sick and tired of running aroung this place like a chicken w/ my head cut off, trying to do a million things at once and do them all right, and here 3/4 of my coworkers are all wandering around complaining that they have nothing to do. And I GET PAID THE LEAST OF ALL OF THEM!!!!!!! How is this all fair?

I HATE NEEDLES

We had our Wellness screening here at work this morning. I fasted for 12 hrs before my 9:15 appt. (well not really, I ate a brownie at 10:15 last night, I forgot) and then had a 9:15 appointment to have my blood drawn. I freaking hate having my blood drawn. First of all I hate needles, and I hate the thought of a needle poking in your skin, in your vein and making you bleed...talk about anxiety, all freaking night I was worried about this. The last time I had my blood drawn was in the ER back in January and it was HORRIBLE. The lady was a manly biatch first of all, and she went right through my vein making blood spurt all over the floor like something out of a horror flick...it had dripped all over the bed, I mean it was everywhere. The dr. came in later and was like whoa what happened I thought you were just sick??!?!! So you can imagine I was a little worried about this morning. And which one of the 5 phlebotomist people do I get???!?!!! The old lady w/ really shaky hands that just poked a girl 5 times between both arms and couldn't get a single drop of blood. I warned her this does not go well for me, either they can't find a vein or it keeps rolling on them or they poke right through it. And then she "loses" my 8x10 piece of paper w/ my info on it. It's right in front of her face on the table. And what does she tell me? "I'm blind in one eye!" I shit you not. WOW I have awesome luck!! So she took my bp, something like 104 over 60 something, ok I have no idea what that means. Then she weighs me, yay 111, which means I just haven't gained my 2 lbs of food for the day yet. Then the needle prodding time comes. And lo and behold she pokes me, gets 2 vials of blood, says I have "excellent veins!" and that's that. Then I went and loaded up on the healthy breakfast they'd prepared for us...fresh fruit, muffins(the one w/ golden raisins was SO good!), yogurt and OJ. So it didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would.

We got this new Quickbooks online subscription here at work and I HATE it. I don't recommend it. We had Quicken software before, and it worked just fine. But apparently it was so old they couldn't update it or something and they chose Quickbooks because it's online? I have no idea. But it's already causing me problems and I've only used it 2 days. I hate it. Of course I hate change, but seriously this program sucks. It moved a huge 6 figure transaction I entered into one company into another company this morning FOR NO REASON which made this tiny company look hugely overdrawn and of course my boss's boss was like "this can't be right blah blah blah" and he already doesn't like me as it is. I tried to tell him it's nothing I did but like he cares. Today is one of those days where I'm ready to run the hell out of here and never look back. I'm having EFT issues also so I need to go sort out that mess. My job is so not fun.

I have a skinny baby. She's lost so much weight being sick. She's so light when I pick her up, and her little pants aren't tight on her belly anymore. Seriously you can really tell how much she's lost, at least a lb. and that's a lot on such a short little booger like her. She's eating better though, and she's finally peeing more normally so that's good. Slept all night again last night too. So I think she's over it...hopefully!

I am not looking forward to lunch today, I didn't have anything good to bring. A beef cup of noodles, BLEGH. I cannot go out to eat everyday, as much as I want to, I just can't...we don't have that kind of money. But I really want McDonalds. :o( Oh yea I didn't get to clean my floors last night...right as I got home and was waiting for my mom to pick Miss H up, my dad called and got all pissy w/ me when I told him what we were doing. "You're MOM is taking her to HER house???? Well fine then." Apparently he thought from our conversation Sunday night that they were coming over to see H last night. I don't remember ever making those plans, but no problem. I told him that's fine(because I'm such a great daughter) that I could always shampoo the carpet Tuesday night instead since they have Bible study Tuesdays. So they came over(my dad, stepmom and little brother) and H refused to go inside(nature baby) she wanted to walk in the grass and check out all the trees and touch the fire hydrant etc. So we put her in the stroller and went on a long walk. My dad pushed her. It was so cute to see my dad pushing a baby stroller...you'd have to know him...he's this rough tough biker guy, he's had major problems being arrested and crap, he's just not a nice gentle lovey dad like you always hear about. He loved it, he had so much fun. They brought her her first Cabbage Patch Newborn, it's really cute and has that nice Cabbage Patch doll smell. She likes to feed it it's bottle. My dad cooked me some hamburger helper before they left. We had the windows open in the house, the weather was awesome! It was a really good night.

Ok I am really missing my husband...I was ok, and then last night I kinda started missing him a little more and then this morning I'm just a mess. I want him to come home. I talk to him on the phone at night and hear how tired he sounds, and he's not doing well at this tournament so that makes it hard for him to have any fun...I just want him home. Luckily he doesn't have another tournament for a couple weeks so we'll get to spend some time together. I just wanna give him a big ol hug. I hate it when he's gone. :o(

Ok gotta tackle this EFT problem now, FUN FUN...

What a crappy week...but I guess it could be worse

Well I thought Miss H was doing better yesterday evening, then her temp spiked again and she got really fussy and threw up Tylenol, Ibuprofin, Pedialyte, everything again all night...I slept on the living room floor w/ her on a pallet and we both pretty much got no sleep, maybe like 2 hrs TOPS off and on if that even. Sleeping on the floor KILLS my back too, so that really sucked...plus I was getting the bubble guts also, luckily no bathroom runs just feeling icky. Had to call the cops on the damn dog in the house across the street...rotweiler, which isn't an issue except yea I'm scared of big dogs for 1 and 2 their bark is so loud and deep you can hear it through our whole house no joke. It was out there forever, like more than 5 hrs...this is no food, no water, just on a chain in the front yard barking at people because it's bored out of it's mind and wants to go inside. Finally at 12:30 am I called the police dispatch and they sent a couple cop cars and had them take it inside. I mean I know it's not that bad out but come on, don't have a dog if you're going to treat it like crap like that. Then some weird cat came howling at our back patio door, sounded like it was talking swear to God it was freaking creepy. Luckily Zoe came to the rescue and ran it off(my guard kitty) and then she slept on the couch all night keeping watch over us. So today Miss H was pretty pitiful. Crying, no more puking but she still has bad diarea, still has a fever...did get her to eat a bit off an on today...some of her organic apple sauce that she LOVES(just apples, water and Vit. C, very healthy) half of a banana, which is something else she loves. Some sweet potato puffs(which I think I have finally solved the mystery of the raisin looking things in her poop...must be the poofs oddly enough) a couple saltines this morning, some pedialyte off and on although not as much as yesterday afternoon and this late afternoon/evening we finally got her to drink about 9 oz. of watered down formula. She's still awfully cranky and pitiful, still hot and pantsless(and sockless if she has her way). She ate some chicken broth w/ white rice for dinner. Now she's napping again thank God, she was so cranky I didn't know what to do for her. My mom took off work this afternoon to come over and help...I was maybe going to go to work but not after the night/morning we had, no way. I ate the salad and turkey sandwich she brought me from Panera while she stood on the back patio w/ Miss H(she had crawled out the door herself earlier when I let the cat out on her leash, guess she wanted some fresh air...don't blame her)...then while my mom ate I pushed her around the house in her stroller while she babbled and looked generally pissed off although she was having a great time. My mom then took her on a walk while I tried to lay down and take a nap. TRIED, is the important word there. I am so tired. But I feel so crappy and I'm so overly tired and I'm so worried about Miss H, I just laid there, me and my freezing cold feet...and I can't sleep w/ cold feet either. But I was too tired to even get up and put socks on. So I laid there for about an hour, heard my mom come back with Miss H after not even a 10 minute walk...no crying, she must be asleep(yea she was). I FINALLY drift off to sleep after making my butt get out of bed for socks. Somebody from the school calls my phone...I don't answer(should have, turns out they were probably calling for an interview since I did just turn in my app. and resume the day before, DAMN) I fell back asleep and then not 30 minutes later Miss H is screeching and crying so loud. I waited about 2 minutes, because I know my mom is perfectly capable of handling her and I need my rest...but I couldn't stand it so I went to see what was wrong...just a diaper change. Jeez, all that fuss for a darn diaper change. So not much of a nap. I did take the opportunity to get my kitchen cleaned up though. Something in my sink was stinking, like a musty cloth or something(never did find out what it was but the smell is gone now?? I hadn't been able to pick it up in a couple days because of Miss H being sick) so anyway that felt good to get that all clean and organized. Looks great. Got the litter box scooped and the carpet in the master bath vacuumed, free of litter now. Then (sigh) mom had to leave for 2nd job at 5:30. I love my daughter, I baby her to pieces esp. when she's sick, but I'm getting tired so now when I hear the squirt of her pooping I think "oh man ANOTHER diaper"...I dread the screaming and fighting, I dread having to go wash my hands AGAIN...and she's crying, and I can't entertain her because not even she knows what she wants. D came home for dinner, I made breaded fish things and some kind of noodles...BLEGH but he liked it. He told me I'm the greatest wife ever. I told him I wish he'd help me out more LOL Anyway she finally fell asleep, and now I'm sitting here wishing I could go to sleep too...but I know she'll wake up soon, and D will be home from work soon too. I'm so out of it, from being so tired and just everything. I hope so bad that she gets some sleep tonight, for her sake and for mine.
In other news, this group, what are they called, NSM or something...National Socialist Movement...heck I don't remember exactly...some neo-nazi group...is coming here for a march Saturday from noon to 5 all around campus. WHY....this is stupid, WHY do they do this, seriously what's the freaking point??? To reek havoc in communites across the US??? Because they showed footage of what happened at the last one in some other state and it was a freaking riot. The city is taking action to try and make sure that doesn't happen here, and they're encouraging everybody to completely stay away from that area Saturday. But this NSM group or whatever they're called, they even put plain clothed members in the crowd to get the crown revved up a bit and creat havok...I don't see how on earth this can go on, how can people just let this happen when we KNOW they're coming? What, free speech or something?? This is just stupid. It scares me, nothing like this has happened here that I know of. And it makes me very angry, that we have to avoid a big part of our city to avoid this whole mess for most of a day. It's all really weird, and yea it's scary.
D leaves this Saturday for his first tournament of the semester. So not looking forward to that. He'll be gone until the next Friday morning!! I hate it when he's gone that long, and it makes it worse that I just CAN'T stay here by myself overnight(I'm ultra paranoid) and also he hates talking on the phone so we never have good convos while he's gone and even get in fights sometimes about the fact that he doesn't seem to want to talk to me while he's gone...which isn't true, he's just so tired by the time coach gives him a chance to call and well he hates talking on the phone regardless of who it's with. :o( I can't wait til the season's over, I miss him so much while he's gone.
Well I guess I'm missing work again tomorrow...I'm going to have at least 2 days of no pay on my next check, and they HATE no pay, it's like a sin. So hopefully I don't get in trouble. I'm ready to walk out of that place as it is, if they get onto me for this I really think I might just say screw you I'm outta here. The only issue is insurance til I find another job. Oh I hate being the one supporting us, that is the man's job!! I cannot wait until he's out of school.

Ok, so there's a bunch of negativity for you. Here are some positives, so I end this on a good note...
~Got my kitchen clean and organized somewhat, yay for me!
~Feeling a bit like supermom/superwife at the moment because through this whole sickness I haven't lost my cool, I've kept up with the pukey laundry, got her bed remade, I've had a shower myself(YES!), babes clean, hubby's happy, I'm not having a breakdown LOL...not too shabby if I do say so myself
~Miss H is still giving me kisses, as crappy as she feels she still shows momma some love...she makes a cute little lip smacking sound, then gives me a big open mouth kiss...how sweet
~The weather was awesome today and it felt so nice to get out and get some fresh air walking around the drive w/ H...made being tired and feeling cruddy not quite so bad there for a bit
~Dog has not been out barking tonight, yay!
~H is keeping formula down!

Well I guess that's about it for now...

Confused

Well last night was another not so good night. It started snowing again—blah!!—and by the time I got home from visiting at my mom’s it was 10:00. I had Miss H in bed by 10:30. I got to bed a little after midnight and I was SO exhausted. Hubby came to bed sometime after 1:00…had to watch Mythbusters at midnight, you know he couldn’t miss that! And at 2:15, Miss H starts crying. I was so out of it because I was so tired, when I got out of bed I thought I was in the living room and I tried to walk down the hallway through the dining room, but I was really in the bedroom tripping over the huge mound of dirty clothes we have piled in our master bath. I kept trying to go back and turn on the floor lamp, which I couldn’t find, because again, I was NOT in the living room…and I kept saying “I need a light!!” and finally I touched my touch lamp beside my bed just by chance, and realized where I was finally…not a good start…so I go in her room, and she’s fussing while holding her pacifier in her hand. I pop in back in her mouth, she goes back to sleep, I go back to bed and 5 seconds later she’s fussing again. I go back down the hall, and this time she does not want her pacifier and she is awake. I got her out of bed, tried to rock her, she kept wanting down onto the floor. So I took her to our bed. Sometimes if she’s not feeling well she sleeps better with us. She didn’t want that either. She fussed and cried. I am normally soooooooo patient with her, but all these nights of no sleep have really gotten to me and I just couldn’t help but snap at her and beg her to go back to sleep. Hubby got up and made her another bottle, I rocked her again, she sucked the bottle down and I laid her in her crib fast asleep, only for her to begin banging around her crib as soon as my head hit my pillow. I got up and she was wide awake again. I went into our bedroom, which made her cry because I left her in her crib, and yelled at hubby to wake his butt up because I was losing it and I had to get up in the morning and he didn’t have school today so he could sleep in. He kept telling me no, no no no I’m too tired go away. I believe I called him an asshole, again because I am so exhausted, and he told me to leave him alone…I proceeded to sissy slap him all over his body(on the covers people, not trying to hurt him, I was just releasing my frustration) and he called me a crazy bitch and got up to go get her. Now, thinking of this makes me laugh hysterically…but in the heat of the moment this just made things worse for me. We do really love each other dearly, but we were exhausted!!!!! So he brings her back to bed and I change her diaper because it was full, and I put some Orajel on her gums because she didn’t want her pacifier so I thought maybe her gums hurt. Well that just pissed her off, royally, so she proceeded to throw a huge fit. I thought ok maybe she has a tummy ache, she had been tooting HUGE big girl toots that would make her Aunt A proud all evening…so I gave her a half dose of Tylenol, hoping it would help with whatever pain she was having. Well she still didn’t want to lay down with us. She started trying to climb over me and dive head first off the bed onto the floor. I kept putting her back between us, and she would just cry and cry. I had done all I could do, nothing helped, so I just let her cry for a minute. Well hubby couldn’t take it, said this was ridiculous, and took her out into the living room. I fell asleep within 15 minutes with the light on. I could hear Miss H in the living room babbling and playing with her toys. I woke up this morning at 7 and found them both passed out on the living room floor, and hubby had no idea what time she finally fell asleep. WHAT HAPPENED????? I have no idea what’s going on. Tuesday night I thought ok the soy formula didn’t agree with her, she woke up with a tummy ache and got so woke up she wanted to play. But then it happens again last night! Did she have another tummy ache and got so woke up again? She did have a new baby food dinner for supper, and it was pretty tomatoey, but she didn’t eat much of it…so maybe that upset her stomach? Or maybe since she didn’t eat much of it she woke up starving?? I am hoping and praying to God that she doesn’t do this again tonight. Normally when she wakes up every now and then at night I don’t give her a bottle. I don’t want her to get used to getting up in the middle of the night again to eat. She hasn’t done that since she was 4 months old. Maybe I need to up her intake of baby food during the day? A bigger lunch maybe? She’s already drinking at least 30 oz. of formula a day. And it’s not like she’s napping too much during the day. She only slept an hour and a half yesterday at the sitters. I’m just kind of at a loss on what to do or what’s wrong. All I do know is that I am so incredibly tired, I’ve been in this fog all day and my whole body aches from lack of sleep. It’s much worse than when I was on maternity leave when she was a newborn, because I work 8+ hrs a day now and then go home and chase Miss H around and do housework all night, get to bed late because I have so much to do to prepare for the next morning, and then if I only get 3 or 4 hrs of sleep a night, by the end of the week I’m a wreck. Emotionally and physically. At least on maternity leave I could nap if she napped. And to make it worse I had my review at work yesterday and it was absolutely horrible, my boss has really gone off her rocker. Everybody’s was bad from what I hear, and the older lady I work with that is only one year away from retirement is now telling me she is so miserable here that she doesn’t even think she can go one more year here! In my review I was basically told to shape up by July or it will mean “taking disciplinary action or termination of employment.” I do my work, and I make very few errors, but nothing is good enough for this dept. Everybody in this dept. is trying to find new jobs, it’s so crazy, we are all very good employees, very knowledgeable in our fields/positions, and it’s just so sad that we’re all being put through this. It’s been going on for years now, ever since this new supervisor took over. She used to be our co-worker, and didn’t really get along with anybody. Bad situation from the get-go. I have been told insane things like when I was pregnant, I was told I could not have morning sickness in the afternoon because morning sickness happens in the morning, and that she should know because she’s been pregnant before!! I called in maybe oh 2 days my whole pregnancy and that was when I was just unable to even make it to work without throwing up in the car. And I was also encouraged to find a different job, WHEN I WAS PREGNANT. I informed them that my friend who used to work here that had left a while back was in the process of looking for another job, and she had her Masters in Accounting and nowhere would hire her once they found out she was pregnant…and I have never even been to college. My brother had a girlfriend he got pregnant years ago, and she looked everywhere for a job, even McDonalds and Taco Bell, and nowhere would hire her either. I went home that day after being encouraged to quit, BAWLING, freaking out, here I am pregnant and have major bills to pay and I’m going to lose my job. Thank God the stress didn’t cause me to miscarry. I was only about 13 wks at the time. Then more recently I was told I cannot do personal things on my lunch hour, like make calls to dr.s offices and such. I was shocked, how in the world can they tell me I cannot do personal things on my own time?!?! And it was brought up on my review how when I get in trouble for things like this I become defensive and argumentative. Ok I’m sorry but when they tell me I can’t do personal things on my lunch hour I’m going to get defensive…I have gotten in trouble before for working on my lunch hour…now they’re telling me not to do personal things on my lunch hour…what am I supposed to do on my lunch hour for goodness sakes??? And this is how everything is. They tell you one thing, then you get in trouble for doing it the way they told you to, so you change, then you get in trouble again….it never ends. I have been told numerous times I don’t get my work done in a timely fashion…ok that’s why I never miss deadlines and get emails from vendors/other employees about what a wonderful job I do and how on the ball I am etc. ??????????? And I also didn’t get a raise this year. Because I’m such a horrible employee in their eyes. And our insurance rates skyrocketed, and I already can’t afford the bills I have so I was really hoping my raise would at least cover the insurance premium increase. So needless to say I’m just really stressed about all this, and I have no way of fixing any of it right now. I can only wait it out the next year and a half until hubby graduates and gets a job so I can quit and stay home and do home daycare. He’s supposed to get an internship (with pay, woohoo!) this summer to get the experience he needs with the dept. to get a job after he graduates. I just don’t know what to do in the meantime, I cannot let them fire me, but I have tried everything I can to make them happy with me and they just aren’t happy with any of us. And we are all very different, come from different backgrounds etc. so it’s obviously not the employees it’s the management. And I haven’t heard back from the place I interviewed at last week, so I don’t know what to think about that. I’m afraid I didn’t get it for some reason. I’m being told to call them tomorrow to check on the status of the position, but I just took the Excel test Monday, shouldn’t I give them a week? I don’t know, I’m knew to the whole hiring process.

I really wish I had more readers so I could get some advice, I mean it makes me feel better to get all this out but some advice would be reeeeeeealy nice right about now, about any of this.

Snotty people

At work I'm in the process right now of calling vendors that we haven't received a W-9 form back from, even after sending them a second request. Most of the people have been so nice, but this one lady who just happens to be the AP person for both St. Louis Envelope Co. and SL Graphix, has been so snotty to me both times I called...she acts like it's such a huge inconvenience that I'm calling her, and that she has to fax me the form. I had already called her about St. Louis Envelope Co...she said she'd fax me the form and then she hung up on me. Then I called SL Graphix. Little did I know it was the same building...she said "you just called me!!!!!!"...I asked if this was SL Graphix, and she said "oh you need one for them to?!?!" and I told her I'm sorry I didn't know it was the same company(completely different phone numbers and vendor names, how in the hell should I know?!?) and she proceeded to tell me it is NOT the same company, both companies are just under one roof. I wanted to ask how in the hell she got the job of AP clerk for BOTH companies when she is so darn stinkin rude, but of course I didn't, I was very nice and polite. So she faxed me the forms and that's that, but jeez why are people so rude these days? Another company I called cut me off right in the middle of me saying I'm so and so from such and such company calling about a W-9 form we sent back in December...she cut me off right in the middle and said "hold please" and that was it. Have these people had NO customer service training whatsoever? And how on earth did they get their "operator" jobs with such a bad attitude? This reminds me of the receptionist at Miss H's dr. office. She will NEVER crack a smile, she is so rude it's rediculous...to everybody that comes up to that window. I was absolutely shocked when I saw her at Walmart one time with a husband and 2 of the cutest little kids...how on earth she ever charmed a man into marrying her and how on earth her kids were so darn cute and well-mannered is beyond me. She recognized me, I know she did, because she knows me from my sister in law who used to work in that office....as we passed I smiled and said "hi!" and of course, in her usual lovely manner, she frowned at me and looked the other direction. That has to be a horrible existence, being so snobby and un-friendly like that all the time. But then again, maybe she was raised differently. I know when we lived in KS for a while people looked at us like we were nutty if we spoke to them when we didn't know them. Here in MO, at least in the smaller towns, you talk to anybody, the lady in line behind you at the grocery store, or the guy in front of you with a kid asks how old your baby is...just last night a lady had me hold the door for her at Walmart because she had a cart and it wasn't an automatic door and I had my hands free...she just said she was going to take advantage of me having to open the door, and I told her no problem at all and she was just so nice and polite. This is what I'm used to. Oh another instance...my mom and daughter and I were in Dillards a few months back looking for some tennis shoes for Miss H(she has the fattest feet and they do not make infant shoes to fit fat feet??) and we had just bought a pair of little white Keds(which we took back because they fell off her fat feet btw) and an older couple stopped me and the guy said "I just have to stop you so I can admire the little one, she's so adorable, how old is she?" I told them how old she was, and showed them the new shoes we just bought her, and they said thanks for letting them admire her etc. etc. and we walked away and my mom asked "who was that?" and I told her I have absolutely no idea. She said "from the way they came up to you I thought you knew them" and I told her "nope, they were just friendly old folks." Why can't all people be that friendly?? The world would be a much nicer place...

What a good day!!!

Well they closed the office at 3 today, we're having sleet and ice...I had to drive 25 mph all the way home when the speed limit was 45 and 55 on these roads...I was sliding all over the place. It took forever. But I have to say I have just had the best day. It started off so crappy with my lost keys and getting to work late...but then the interview went great, and I was supposed to work til 6:15 to make up my time from today and the office closed at 3 and paid me for 8 hrs!! Thank God, I really didn't want to work that late.

Ok now for the interview...I think it went really well! I'm not getting my hopes up, but I really do want this job. The company sounds so exciting, construction is a LOT more interesting than insurance! And they didn't ask me a whole lot of questions, they basically asked me a few general questions like how we do our account codes and that sort of thing, and then talked the rest of the time about how they do things and about the company. First I met with the two women that would be my coworkers and then I met with the controller. They were all so nice and friendly, they even chatted with me about a rival ins. company getting sued for a Katrina claim and about the huge rising costs of medical ins. these days. Then the HR recruiter talked to me again, and we went over their benefits. Their health insurance is 100$ more a paycheck than I pay now, and that's getting paid every two weeks! That really sucks. But she made the statement "when we interview you, I mean IF we interview you to offer you a job, then we'll go over the salary and you can decide if it's enough to make up for the increase in insurance." I told my friend that works there what she said and she said oh if she said that it sounds like they've already made their decision...but again I'm not getting my hopes up, I mean she could have just slipped and said when instead of if. Another plus is this job is salaried, and I'm hourly now, and I know for a fact it would be an increase in pay from that statement she made. And what's even better is it's salaried non-exempt, so I'd still get paid OT pay for any time I work over 40 hrs! But it just sounds so interesting, and the ladies were so nice, and the controller told me that when my friend started there she really worked on her to stop coming in and keeping her head down and not talking to anybody...she said they really encourage everybody to talk to each other and get to know their co-workers on a friendly level, that they don't want people coming in and working and leaving and that's it. I told her that is so refreshing to hear because where I work now that is what is expected of you, for you to come in, do your work, don't talk to anybody, and that's it. Also the controller told me that they had hired a girl for this job and that she lasted 3 days. They said she came in late every day, checked her personal email first thing and like five times throughout the day and didn't do hardly any work. She said she had worked at the university before this job, and that they don't like to hire people from the university or state jobs because they are all like that in their experience. Not that hard of workers etc. And I'm thinking ok if they hired this girl, SURELY they could hire me! The only thing I don't have is a degree, which they prefer, but they also said they would take experience instead of a degree...I've got five years experience in Accounts Payable, surely that's enough. I'm going in Monday at noon for an Excel test. So I'm going to brush up on those skills this weekend. This office was so nice too, definately more the kind of office building I've dreamed of working in...not huge, but it's all brand new and fancy and they even have a small gym and a full kitchen with a stove and everything! So let's hope this works out, I really really really hope it does. Also, another bit of good news. We just found out that my husband can get get an internship with the Department of Conservation this summer, and get PAID for it!!!!! How awesome is that?!?! We were so worried about this, we've talked a lot about it actually...he won't be able to get a job after he graduates without any experience, but we can't afford for him to do an internship because you don't get paid for that so how is he supposed to get experience? Plus he doesn't have time to do an internship during the school year since he's on the golf team. We had no idea that he can get an internship at the very dept. he wants to get a job after he graduates, right here in town, for the summer instead of through the school year, and get paid like 10$ an hour to do it! He's going to call them Monday and found out what he needs to do to get a summer spot. So hopefully that works out too.

We're moving Miss H's crib into her own bedroom tonight hopefully...so I really hope that goes well. I'm giving us a whole weekend to get used to it. Hopefully she'll do just fine...after all I do rock her to sleep in her own room now, her crib is just in our bedroom. And she's in there for hours without us before we go to bed, so being alone shouldn't scare her. I just hope I can get some sleep...I hate the fact that I won't be able to just look up and see her in her crib...I guess I should move the monitor too. I wish I had one of those video monitors. I will definately have one of those for our next baby.

It's FREEZING here! Gotta go wake Miss H up from her nap...

We're getting a SpotBot

So we're leaving in a while to go to Home Depot, we're getting a Spot Bot...does anybody have one of these??? It seems amazing to me that you can just set the thing on the spot and walk off and it does all the cleaning for you. Sorry but that's well worth my 129$. Our lovely cat pukes on the carpet quite regularly, sometimes in multiple locations in multiple rooms multiple times per day...nice huh...and I am sick of spending all this extra time and energy cleaning up her puke spots. Plus, Miss H is bound to get more messy in the months to come, so I really feel like this piece of machinery will be a hugely valuable addition to the family.

I'm getting really nervous about the interview tomorrow...I hate the thought of trying to sell myself. I know I can do this job, if they'll just give me the chance. I'm not great with words, so what if I say something stupid and they're like man this lady's a moron we're not hiring her...and I'm really not, I just have trouble organizing my thoughts into words! It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't REALLY REALLY want this job. And I'm trying to figure out what to do about the whole "jeans day" situation. Tomorrow is jeans day at the office because it's payday, and I need to dress up nice for this interview, but I don't have time to go home and change first...and I'm not wearing my nice outfit to work on jeans day, yea like that wouldn't shout INTERVIEW, INTERVIEW! I guess I'll just wear the shirt with my jeans and change in my car...

As for Miss H, she slept all night last night, and refused to nap again today. She's napping now, but I'm not letting her sleep for long...I'm hoping to get her in bed at a decent time again tonight so I can get things organized and get to bed at a decent time, since I have to get up early tomorrow to do stupid stuff like put on make up and take a shower for this interview LOL...plus I need to get to work early to make up time.

Alright, Spot Bot shopping time...

Goodness gracious...

Well we're all better, except now Miss H has a little bit of a cold or some sort of drainage...if it's not one thing it's the other, it's nuts. She's fighting sleep really bad the past few nights...we can tell she's SO incredibly tired but she just won't go to sleep. And then when she finally does she wakes herself up coughing. Last night yet again I slept on the cat's spot in the bed, I had all of maybe 8 inches on the very edge, while my dear daughter slept in my spot all lounged out on MY comfy pillow, and hubby snored away like nothing was happening...she woke up every 10 minutes or so coughing, so I got no sleep. I'm still recovering from being so God awful sick, and I got maybe 3 hrs of sleep last night TOPS, then I had to work all day today, didn't get off til 5:20, got home about 6, played with the squirt, did laundry, and is it WAY TOO MUCH TO ASK that I get 5 freaking minutes to myself in a 24 hr. period??? I love Miss H to death, but oh my goodness I so had myself fooled...I know maybe it sounds stupid, but I never dreamed having a kid was this hard. She's so stinking demanding, which I mean look who her mom is of course she's demanding and bossy and hot-tempered. But I wasn't that way as a baby or little girl for God sakes! I was this sweet shy innocent little thing. Where is my sweet shy innocent little baby??? I literally never get a minute to myself, I usually have to write posts on breaks at work and save them to post later. I MISS ME TIME. I love playing with her, giving her baths, all that stuff, and I do miss her since I'm at work all day, but I still do look forward to putting her to bed at night...she doesn't go to bed til 9:30 or so, so it's not like she's going to bed early...but then after she goes to bed I still have to do what little laundry I can, dishes, get her diaper bag packed for the next day, pick up her toys........and maybe get just enough time to do a posting, maybe 15 minutes a day if that. It's a good day if I get to take a shower anymore! But she's so worth it. She's the light of my life, as much bitching as I do she really is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I was always so worried I wouldn't be able to have kids, because that's the one thing in life I wanted the most. But I am able to, and I did, and I am so thankful for every second with her. She's so smart, way too smart for a 9 month old. I can't even begin to gush about the stuff she knows how to do. She amazes me every single day. It's just taking time to learn how to juggle everything and still have time to take care of myself too...I'm last on my list of things to take care of.

Tonight my wonderful husband got her to sleep...thank the Lord. She was fighting me so bad, I got really frustrated, we laid on the living room floor in the dark, then we played with light up toys in the dark--that was actually a fun experience!!--she played with daddy, she fussed at mommy some more, she fought sleep, she got SO TIRED she couldn't even lift her head off the floor so she just rolled all the way across the floor...which is something she hasn't done since she was 5 months old, since she is on her way to walking now. So she wallered in bed with daddy, threw some fits, laughed some, and finally gave in and fell asleep. So I'm off to bed now, and with my luck she'll wake up about 10 minutes after I fall asleep...but I really hope not, because I know she needs a good nights sleep...and mommy does too.

PS...the phone interview went well today, don't know if I posted that I had that or not...I have a real interview for the position on Friday. Nerve wracking, but exciting!! I'm new to the interview process, since I've been at the company I'm at now since my Junior year of highschool.

Night everybody...