Friday, March 28, 2008

So annoyed

I am so frustrated and stressed right now about our whole moving situation. We got on the waiting list for those duplexes. Great, right? Well now I'm paranoid we won't get one that we need, which is one w/ no basement and a bigger back yard. These places are highly sought after, which is why they have a waiting list to get one. What are the chances exactly what we need is going to be one of the few that come available and that we'll be next in line to get it? Not to mention the fact that we may get one and get all moved in and then find out we've got horribly noisy neighbors again. Then what? We're stuck in the same position pretty much we are now except we'll be paying even more per month. My friend rents a house in an older but nice neighborhood here in town. It's a 2 bedroom w/ a downstairs bonus room, 2 bath, huge fenced in backyard w/ a wooden swingset already set up, garage w/ opener...only $675 a month. $15 more than the duplexes were trying to get into and it's a HOUSE. With a huge back yard. So I started looking around for houses for rent. I found one in the paper at lunch today that's 3 bedroom w/ a bonus room, allows cats and is only $675 a month. And it's sort of out in the country. And if we were pre-approved they'd hold it for us til we can move in this summer w/ a deposit--that's awesome. We haven't been out that way in years so my mom and I are going to drive by the place after I get off work today and see what the area is like these days. D called me after I found out about all this and I told him the news (I was a tiny bit excited even though I'm not getting my hopes up because the area may have gone downhill) and he basically sighed and said ok and then got off the phone. I called him back when I left my mom's and asked him what was wrong, told him I couldn't gage his reaction. I thought he'd be excited that it was a house. He started going off about how that's even more money that we don't have and how there's NO reason we need to move at all. That we're fine where we're at. I am so upset! First we were on the same page w/ this issue, then he flips out saying we don't need to move, then he changes his mind again and signs the application and even gets excited and goes out to look at the duplexes, and then now he's back to flipping out on me again. I don't know what to do. I'm beyond frustrated w/ our situation right now. He's not bringing in any money because it's tournament season which means he never has time to work, so we don't have enough money to get by right now including food and gas. He's still been getting fast food for lunch every day that he's here, and when I told him we don't have the money he just started putting it on his credit card. That I just paid off (when we got the student loans and then every month after that since he's been charging gas and whatnot) so he's got it charged up a little again and this time I don't have the money to pay it off. HE JUST DOESN'T GET IT. We don't have the money for that crap right now. But when school's over for the semester he's SUPPOSED to get a job to get him some experience in his field. And still work his part time job in the evening. So we'd have more than enough money to move into a place a little more expensive than where we are now.


He's not eligible for golf next semester because it's an extra semester. He should be graduating this summer. They didn't offer the classes he needed to finish his degree this semester, so he has to take an extra semester. He was supposed to coach a girl's golf team the college is starting so he can keep his golf scholarship. But they can't find any girls to play. I asked him if he didn't play or coach, why in the world he thought he could keep his golf scholarship. His answer? I DON'T KNOW (yelling into the phone, lovely). If he doesn't have his scholarship, his grandparents have to pay for school. Which means they don't send us $500 a month. We can't live off my salary alone. So, big deal you think, he'll get a job. Well that sounds all fine and dandy, but I can't count on my husband to get a part time job working more than 10 hours a week while he's in school. He SAYS he would. But what he says and what he does are two entirely different things. Just like the last 2 summers he promised he'd work full time. Then when summer got here he'd say his boss won't LET him work full time and only needs him at night to close. And he wouldn't find another job. So he'd sleep in every day, maybe go play some golf or go hunting, then go to work late evening JUST LIKE THE SCHOOL YEAR. Which means we still barely got by, thanks to his grandparents' continued $500 monthly checks, and we didn't get to put any extra in savings to get us through the next tournament season. He promised the same thing every winter break and it never happened then either.

I'm so sick of it. He thinks nothing's a big deal. He thinks we'll be able to deal with crap as it comes up. So we get to this summer and he hasn't got any jobs lined up and his grandparents cut off our $500 a month, so we can't afford rent or food...then what? But he doesn't think of any of that and if I try to explain ANY of this to him his response is ALWAYS "STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!" He sounds like a freaking teenager yelling at his mother. I tell him repeatedly I am NOT his mom so he needs to quit treating me like it. Is he EVER going to grow up? Unfortunately I really feel like these are personality traits of his.

So what the fuck do I do? I can't stay where we're at. I'll be miserable and paranoid the whole time. And I REFUSE to let him live off me for another summer. Especially if his grandparents cut off our checks. And if he doesn't get the scholarship next semester and we don't get his grandparents check and I have to get on him and get on him about working more to help pay the bills he's going to come back with "It's not my responsibility because YOU are the one that wanted to move, NOT ME."

He told me to leave him alone. How childish is he? So I told him I'll leave him alone. I'll worry about Hailey and I and he can worry about himself. That's not what I want. I want us to be a normal married couple. I don't want to feel like I've got a teenager and a 2 year old anymore...I'm tired of feeling like a struggling single parent. Now he called me back and said he loves me but not to boss him around anymore. Seriously. What is the point of that. I confessed to him my fears about this summer and him not working and he basically blew it off and said "Ok whatever!" I told him I need reassurance from my husband that certain things ARE going to happen so I can figure out what to do and he obviously couldn't give that to me.

What are my options here? Besides dumping his ass now. I mean I have to wait it out and see if he really does what he says he's going to do this time. I mean playtime's over, it's time for him to enter the real world and be an adult. Will he do it? I have no idea!! His parents totally screwed up raising him, they did NOTHING to teach him about the real much things cost, how things work financially or otherwise etc. The world seems so easy to him. He'll have a nice house, a bunch of land, a boat, a 4 wheeler. And not have to work much apparently. ??? HOW does he think that's supposed to work? He is not a dumb guy, seriously. He's just totally clueless when it comes to practicalities like how you can't buy a decent house for under $700 a month ore rent anything decent for under $600 here. Or that you have to keep track of how much money you're spending so you don't overdraw all the time. Or how bad credit means you can't get approved for any kind of loan, esp. a car or home loan.

Am I supposed to just find a new place, go ahead and move knowing it will cost us about $100 more a month and just PRAY TO GOD that he really will work? I can't wait til our lease is up to find something or figure out what to do. It'll be too late then. I need to figure something out now. But I have no idea what's happening in the next 6 months of our lives in regards to finances and his working and whatnot.

I'm rambling on and on but God I just don't know what to do and it's driving me crazy.

I keep coming back to the option of my mom moving in with us for a year in a new bigger place so we'd BOTH save some money. But I know my mom and I would fight a ton and Dan says he does NOT want to live with my mom. So that's just not an option unfortunately. Which sucks because we could get a really nice place and each be paying less rent than we are now.

I don't even know what else to say...


Joanna (Mof2) said...

I am so sorry you are going through this. And unfortuntly I have no advice. I will keep you in my prayers that everything will work out for the best! *hugs*

Jaime said...

Oh Erin ;( I'm so sorry you are going through this.

The only thing I'd ask is if you've considered just you and your Mom (and Hailey of course) moving in together?

Erin said...

I've thought about it, but I don't want to leave my husband. I just want him to shape up and start acting like an adult when it comes to finances and working. His parents just really messed up raising him, it really sucks. I know he's incredibly stressed right now w/ school and golf, and maybe he really will work this summer. Maybe I'm just naive in being so hopeful, who knows :) My mom and I just can't live together. As much as I love her and want her around as much as she is...we would fight if we lived together, and we both don't want that.

Jaime said...

I hope everything works out, I understand how you feel, I hope I didn't come across badly ;)