Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I wanna be the girl with the most cake

Well I didn't jump the gun. My boss called me in this morning and told me they are posting AP B's job, and that if I'm interested I just need to send a letter of interest to Administration. I'm really thinking it would be stupid if I didn't would be more money, it's a great opportunity to advance, and I've only been there almost 2 months! If I do end up leaving after I have the next baby, well then so be it. I have to quit thinking about everybody else and start focusing more on our family and what's best for us. It would be stupid for me to pass up a couple years of awesome pay, just because I may quit in the future. Kind of sucks for them, yes, but good for me. It's just a bummer, because I want it all. I want a house, and new cars, and extra money to go shopping, and I want vacations...but I also want to stay home with my kids, and more time with my husband...I want it all. I've always wanted it all, I've always wanted to be rich, ever since I was old enough to understand about money(say about Kindergarden)...ideally, my husband will get a great job, we'll pay off our debts, buy a house, have babies, and life happily ever after. I'm so the meantime, I'm going to apply for this job, continue with the thought that we'll be trying for another baby in December, and just go from there. I just hate all this uncertainty. I'm afraid we may have to put off having another baby, which seems so incredibly unfair. It's something we want so bad, but what if D can't get a good enough job after he graduates for me to quit working? He'd have to make what I make now. Could he do that fresh out of college? Although I don't have a college degree, and he will. SIGH...I guess we'll see what happens.

Everything else I have to write about right now seems so petty compared to all that. And I'm tired...D's allergies are HORRIBLE this year, so he's snoring like mad, so I'm getting no sleep at night.

I know this all sounds negative, but it has been a really good week. I'm just a bit stressed trying to figure out what's best for our family.

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