My life is just too busy. Sometimes I handle it wonderfully, and feel awesome running all my errands...sometimes it makes me feel very accomplished and happy! Right now is a bit of a low time. Not bottom of the barrel low, where I'm crying about having no friends(I do have friends) and how we have no money(we're really mostly ok) and how I look disgusting to myself(I do have positives)...it's just one of those times in my life where I'm a bit worn out, a bit tired of my hectic life, a bit tired of EVERYTHING being on my shoulders...a bit tired of never having any down time. I love the simple life. I love slow lazy days, enjoying the weather and having fun with family and friends. Lately I haven't had any days like that. My husband is constantly gone or sleeping, because he LOVES being busy. Now that school's out and he doesn't have to deal with Coach anymore, he's loving playing in tournaments for the city. Golf is fun again. YAY. I have not gotten to sleep in for SO long. Except for a little bit on Mother's Day, but I had a horrible backache all night that night so I couldn't really sleep anyway. I think lack of sleep is a big part of why I'm feeling cruddy. Last night I begged D to go to the couch. He's got horrible allergies and he's coughing up a storm some of the time. Last night was one of those times and he was keeping me awake. Midnight I finally broke down and asked him to go to the couch. He politely and oh so lovingly said something along the lines of "Kiss my ass" and went to the couch. I fell asleep. It was wonderful. And then Hailey woke up at 7:30 this morning and D had to go to his tournament. And I had SO MANY errands to run today and Hailey was a pistol all day...so now I've got this horrible pounding headache behind my nose and eyes. And I'm just really starting to think that I need to slow down. But how can I when there's so much that needs to be done?? Laundry, house cleaning, errands...when I take a few days off to rest and recoup, all that stuff piles up. I wish I had one of those husbands that helped, but I just don't and there's no changing that. I was never this busy until I got older. I grew up being home every evening, most of the weekend. Every Sunday we'd drive North to a little town 30 minutes away and have Sunday dinner with my grandma. I miss that horribly. I miss being home and just enjoying my life. I could slow down. I could pick certain days of the week to do certain things, and then schedule days each week for downtime. But D isn't like that. He HATES to be home(not because of us, just because he likes to be on the go...preferably WITH us). He wants to constantly be busy. Part of his A.D.D. I guess. Who knows. It's just hard...we're so alike, yet we're not. I could go on and on about this, but I won't. There's nothing that can be done about it. We're a family, but at the same time Hailey and I do our thing and he does his, with some family time in between(not just sitting at home though!). I just miss the good ol' days, when things were simpler. When life wasn't so fast paced and rushed. I'm really going to try to figure out a way to get back to that, at least somewhat. I may have to work harder at first, getting everything caught up, getting this place in complete order, getting finances caught up etc. But I'll get there eventually. I want my kids to grow up like I did, appreciating the simple things in life, and I want them to be well-rested and happy. Not tired and stressed. I want them to appreciate the leaves changing color in the fall, picking out mums, the feel of the cool air as they ride their bikes...making snowmen and sledding in the winter, then coming inside and drinking hot chocolate all bundled up in front of the TV to some Christmas special...the newness of Spring, all the flowers and trees blooming, a bird flying overhead in the sunshine, picking out flowers to plant...running through sprinklers in the summer, eating popcicles on the front porch, taking afternoon naps in the cool air conditioning or laying around in the cool grass of a big shade tree, running around outside during a nice summer rainfall and stomping through puddles. Growing up as a kid I appreciated all these things, and more...the world was amazing, everything was new and beautiful and I didn't have to have complicated toys or video games or endless sports events to love my life and have fun every day. Every Saturday night my mom and I curled up on the couch and watched Saturday Night Live together...back in the days of Will Ferril, Cheri Oteri, Kris Katan and Adam Sandler...and then I would watch Tales from the Crypt after my mom fell asleep, snoozing away with her mouth hanging open(giggle)...that was fun, that was life. I want Hailey and all the other kids I have to have special things like that too. Right now it's just too hectic. Right now it's not like I want it to be. D not being here honestly doesn't really bother me that much, although I do miss him sometimes. I grew up with just my mom, and it doesn't seem odd at all to me for D to not be around a whole lot. Would I love it if he were? Sure. And maybe that's the way it will be after he gets done with school. But the real issue here, is everything else that I've talked about. I want that slow routine back, I want those traditions. I want to give my kids a good life. By the end of this year I'll have things sorted out. I'll have everything in order before we start trying for another baby.
Ok cut to an entirely different topic...the gabbiness of Hailey. Two new words this weekend. "Nanuh" for banana and the dreaded "NO!" Which she says while shaking her fat little finger "Nu Nu Nu!!" At the cat for sitting in her spot in front of the sliding glass door "Nu nu nu, MINE!" or at me for doing something she didn't want me to do ???? And the "mine" issue has gotten out of control. Everything is hers. EVERYTHING. How do I handle that? Nothing that I do is helping. I have no idea where she learned it. Not from us, and not at the sitter's. Apparently she takes toys away from the other kids and yells at them "mine!" We did not teach her that. I did teach her no, but all I tried to teach her was to tell the kitty no when she's outside eating grass (which she comes inside and pukes up, ew) or when she's clawing the carpet...and she caught on quick, she chases the kitty telling her no...but she went beyond that, and learned the whole sense of the word "no." She's too dang smart. How are they this smart at such a young age?? And she's also learned how to get me to go somewhere she wants me to go. She tugs on my shoulders, til I move or stand up or whatnot, and then points. She's always pointed. But this shoulder tugging, as if she's really trying to move me, is a new thing. It's very cute. She'll walk up to me sitting on the floor, grab my shoulders and pull. She's strong. She can push a full grocery cart, or her stroller packed with purses and bags. So she's very forcefull with this shoulder tugging. Speaking of her stroller...her new favorite way to ride it (standing up backwards in the seat is SO yesterday) is standing on the little bar between the back wheels and hanging on to the sides of the handle. Remember standing on the back of the grocery cart and hanging onto the handle as a kid? Yea, like that. She thinks it's TONS of fun, and usually exclaims "weee!!" And I really don't mind...at least this way I don't have to worry about her climbing out of the stroller and hurting herself or something, and there's more room for things like my purse and bags of stuff. Also, while I'm on the topic of Hailey. We bought her first "Little Swimmers" today, or whatever the Pampers brand is called. They look a lot like Pull Ups. So cute! We also got her swimsuit and some water shoes to keep at the sitter's so they can run through the sprinkler this summer. How grown up is that? When did my baby turn into a kid? Cheerios in her carseat(and my car, and my purse etc), juiceboxes on the ride home, ordering milk at restaurants and her drinking it from those big kid cups with the straw...her running everywhere, back-talking me... on one hand it seems like it happened overnight, and on the other hand this last year lasted FOREVER. One thing's for sure, I'm loving every minute of it!
By the way, this new book I'm reading(see sidebar) is really good. (Yet another thing I'm doing to try to get my life back on track...I used to read a LOT, and I love it!)