Friday, February 29, 2008
Hailey woke up crying for me this morning before my alarm even went off. She's got yet ANOTHER cold. As I walked in her room, between sobs she said "I wake up." I picked her up out of bed and took her into the living room. She told me she wanted the light to stay off. I turned on the TV to the Disney channel and after sitting with her a couple minutes I told her I had to go get ready for work. If I'm late many more days I am really afraid they're going to fire me (just for being 5 to 9 minutes late everyday, when the other women in the office spend another 10 to 15 minutes talking after I even get here-- and I get right to work!). Of course Hailey started crying again and begged me to sit with her, to "stay right here." She wanted to sit there in the recliner cuddling with me SO BAD. She doesn't feel good, she was still tired but unable to sleep because of her cold...and I had to set her down by herself in front of the TV and let her cry and beg for me. All I could do was tell her it'll be okay, try not to cry myself and pray to God to give me the strength to handle the situation. Because I had to get to work. There have been too many mornings like this. Her begging to stay home with me. Even on mornings she's happy. She loves her sitter and the other kids, and the fun activities they do every day and the stuff they learn. But she loves being home with me even more. It breaks my heart that I have to pay somebody else to basically raise my daughter...that I don't get to do that myself...that I have to make her cry and abandon her to come to a job that doesn't appreciate me NEAR as much as she does. Because we can't afford for me to be a SAHM. The world these days just isn't right. It's just not fair.