Tuesday, February 5, 2008

I was afraid of this...

When my friend asked me to be in her wedding in April I was very hesitant to say yes. The whole relationship had been really rocky, with them planning to have a baby and getting pregnant mere months after they'd met, then splitting up after the baby was born only to get back together again and seemingly fight all.the.time. What's more, this friend hadn't been in contact with me for quite a while so I was a little shocked that she even asked me. Finally I said yes and met up with her and her friends to look at bridesmaid's dresses. I wasn't like the rest of her friends at all...we had nothing in common and I actually couldn't see how my friend was friends with these people. I'll just leave it at that without going into further detail. Nevertheless I kept a smile on my face. Afterwards on the way home I called my mom, bawling...here my sister was about to get married and I couldn't afford to pay for a dress for her wedding OR my friend's wedding...not with the money problems we were having. I told my friend I just couldn't do it and that I was really sorry. Her and her husband agreed to buy my dress because they said they really wanted me in the wedding. Again, I heard nothing from her for a while. Then we got the student loans and paid off our debts and all was right with the world again. Finally out of nowhere my friend emails me telling me they need me to buy my dress and such and such place because I'm the last one to order. I email her back and forth a couple times and finally get up the nerve to ask about the finance issue. She said she's sorry that they're not going to be able to help me now. So she just assumed I had the money all of a sudden I guess? She had no idea about the student loans. I know how stressful weddings are. I know how bitchy a bride can get. So I just went with it...I had the money. I went and ordered the dress and paid my $150 (She has some expensive taste if you ask me) so the store could send off the order. A couple weeks or so ago I got an email from her...again, after not hearing for her for some period of time...informing me I needed to take such and such days off work because of spa days and rehearsals and also the details for the bachelorette party. I informed her that I couldn't take any time off work around that time because I had already scheduled off for Hailey's birthday which is the week after the wedding...and that I didn't have the money to go to a spa for a day. I told her I was really sorry but I also wasn't going to be able to attend the bachelorette party because I just don't party. I would go to dinner with them if they were doing that first, but then I was going home to my family. She was upset, but okay. Throughout all this, anytime I emailed her to ask her about her son (he's only 4 months older than Hailey--he just turned 2) or anything she wouldn't answer my email. Only if it was about the wedding. After asking her at least three times I finally got her to answer the question about what they did for her son's birthday. She said they didn't do a single thing because they couldn't afford it. (Which is a whole other issue...they can't afford anything like that--to even buy him a damn cake or some balloons--yet they are spending thousands on a wedding, have really nice vehicles and a huge flat screen TV mounted on the wall of their new house...AND she makes a shit load at her job because she's got a master's in her field!) ANYWAY...long story short. I hadn't heard from her since the emails about the spa day etc....until today. This afternoon I get an email saying this:

Hey, I need to let you know some bad news....T and I are not getting married. The wedding is off. I will have to call you sometime and talk to you.

I cannot begin to express how incredibly ticked off I am...not only because I'm now out $150(yes, the dress was non-refundable even though it hasn't even arrived from the warehouse yet!) but also I'm incredibly annoyed at her lack of respect for her friends. None of us have any money. It was a struggle for all of us to come up with the money to buy that dress (yes, even me with my student loan money...we're still living on an extremely tight budget since we're living off my income alone). Don't get me wrong. I do NOT want her to get married if they have problems. Marriage is not something to take lightly. If it was, I would have been divorced 10 times by now! But my husband and I stick together, work through tough times and come out better in the end. If they had big enough doubts, then they do not need to be getting married. My issue here is, they voiced their doubts a long time ago. In the very beginning phases of planning this wedding. Yes she still pushed us to buy these dressed and got very upset if we tried to back out at all.

I know I have to be a good friend. Instead of a "WTF?!?!" email like I'm sort of feeling...I emailed her back saying I'm so sorry sweetie, what happened, blah blah blah. I called the place we ordered the dresses from and informed them that the wedding was off because I was sure she hadn't since I'm sure she's pretty upset right now. I have no other details...I don't know if they're still together, the circumstances for calling off the wedding, nothing. The lady at the wedding store said "If the bride is a good person she'll make right with all of you on the dresses." I just told her unfortunately I didn't think that was going to happen but I didn't want to ask any questions right now under the circumstances, and I thanked her for her help and got off the phone. The sad thing is, I doubt I'll ever get a reply to my email...I doubt I'll ever get that phone call. I'm out my $150 and that's that.


Mof2 said...

WOW...that sucks! First I would like to say that some people would rather have material pocessions for themselves instead of making sure their kids get things first. Second. I am sorry about the money. I know how bad it would be to lose that much money. Maybe, but I doubt it from what all you said about your friend, but I hope that you do get your money back!

Wendy said...

Yikes! That was a bomb waiting to go off. Hopefully you can find some way to get your money back. Even if it is just part of it. You could try to sell it on Craigs list or something. Good luck...

Jaime said...

Ok, first. You are NOT being mean by being upset. Screw being so nice about it!

You told her your financial situation. She should have listened and if not, then tough, I'd have politely declined grr!!

I'm so sorry this happened to you and yes she should help cover expenses but if she doesn't even make her own childs birthday a priority!

This entire thing sucks and I'm so sorry! *comfort* My friend got married and wanted me as the Maid of Honor but the dress was $175. I'd just had Arwen, didn't have the cash and we were strapped at the time. I told her and she was kind enough to pay for my dress.

Then I got married a few months after and instead of hitting up the bridal shops I hit up department store. I scored formal dresses for (ok this is going to sound worse than it is) $20 each with 75% off!!

I had to change the color scheme a bit but I didn't care. My entire wedding was on a budget and I still have very fond memories.

Jaime said...

Oh! I should mention. The dresses were originally for $80 each but on sale for $20 with the additional 75% off of that. We found them at the mall.