Tuesday, August 14, 2007
My dad called me last night at 8:40. He knows that's past Hailey's bedtime. I've been very irritated at him lately anyway, for calling all the time and getting so angry when I don't answer my phone or don't hear my phone ringing. That is the problem with this day and age. People think they should be able to get ahold of you NO MATTER WHAT, AT ALL TIMES. Ok it doesn't work that way people. If I don't feel like answering the phone, or don't feel like talking to anybody, damnit I'm not answering my phone. My dad, just because he's my dad, thinks he should be an exception to this. Which really pisses me off. I could go on and on about the issues my dad has, but I'm not going to...I'll just say this...he is insane. He literally has mental problems. He makes everyone's life a living hell. He is the reason I have "issues" and he is the sole reason for all the bad things that happened in my childhood. So, now that you know what a wonderful person he is...back to my gripe about last night. He calls at 8:40. I answer because I don't want him to keep calling, because I'm about to put Hailey to bed. I already had a bad stomachache for some reason, and he just made it worse. He called to let me know that he had heard a comment that was made and he wanted me to know that if I make fun of Jehovah's.Witnesses I'm making fun of the family. ?????????? Did I mention he's insane? This came out of NOWHERE. I haven't said a word. He talks non freaking stop about this whole Jehovah's Witness deal. That's all I hear about. I don't ever talk about it. EXCEPT this weekend. On the phone last night, he told me the comment involved someone saying something about seeing a lot of people w/ badges around town this weekend. He is so STUPID. I told him "Dad, I am the one that told you that this weekend! When I was on the phone with you while I was in Walmart trying to grocery shop!! You had mentioned how many thousands of people were at the convention this weekend, and I told you my mom saw a bunch of people in Dillard's w/ badges on and she figures something must be going on in town this weekend!" He just kind of stopped and said "Well I'm not pushing anything on you"....he was making no sense and it was really pissing me off. He called, accusing me of making fun of them, because of some comment he "heard," and it was me who made the freaking comment to him in the first place...and in no way was it making fun of ANYBODY. I am so SICK of my family. I'm sick of them discussing me behind my back I.E. my sister telling my dad he'll never watch Hailey overnight because of all the bad things that happen at their house OR my grandma telling my dad I said somebody at the Kingdom Hall said something rude to me when I went to watch my dad talk. First of all, yes I won't let them watch her for that reason, and noone said anything to me at the Kingdom Hall...my grandma should not be spreading rumors, but that's not the point. The point is, WHY ARE THEY DISCUSSING ME???? Why am I such a hot topic? Why is everybody always trying to get me involved in the drama by lying or saying things they need to keep their mouth shut about???? I am so tired of it. I have pulled so far away from them, and they've noticed. I never call them anymore, my grandma included. Which is sad, because when I was little I idolized my grandma. Now I see what my mom was always saying, she really is just a nutty old woman. And that's so sad, for that vision I had of her as a little girl, to be squashed by the reality that is HER now that I'm an adult and not so naive. I shouldn't let this bother me, but damnit it does. It bothers me that my dad thinks nothing of calling me at 3:00 in the morning and waking me up, to tell me it was NOT in face a woman in his truck when my sister and I saw him out late at night after he and my stepmom had gotten in a fight...and concocting some long story about how it was his friend blah blah blah. What none of them understand is...I DON'T CARE!! I know that sounds cold and heartless of me, but I don't give a crap if he is or isn't cheating on my stepmom. I don't care if they're fighting. I don't care if they're Jehovah's Witnesses or not. I don't care if my sister isn't taking care of her kids, and her kids are being horrible. I don't care that they have no money because they're NOT WORKING, I just freaking DON'T CARE. I know this sounds bad, but it will be such a relief when my dad dies. Yes, I will miss him being he is my dad after all. And yes, the family will fall apart. But good God, I will not miss the violence and manipulation that is his life. And I will not miss being hounded NON STOP about becoming a Witness. I am Baptist, I have always been Baptist. I respect his beliefs, he needs to respect mine. And it's so comforting to know that he thinks we're "all going to burn in hell for not being Witnesses and he doesn't care!" Why can't I just have a normal dad???????????? Sorry to unload all this, but I really needed to get it off my chest.