Scary

Wendy's latest post talks about exactly why I took almost all the pictures off this blog. It's a scary thought, that this really does happen, but that's reality these days. You can never be too careful. It really is sad!

Well...

So I finally found a dress for the wedding in October! Preggo here at work actually found it for me. At Sears for 6$...seriously a huge bargain, it's a really nice dress EXACTLY in the style I wanted(black, 3 quarter-length sleeves, wrap dress)! I'm telling everyone Preggo is my very own Personal Shopper. I wore it to work today so she could tell me what she thought of it on me, and everyone keeps saying how nice I look. So that makes me feel good! And I'm thoroughly enjoying wearing heels today(cute little strappy sandals I've had forever but haven't had anything to wear them with in years)...I love the little tap tap tap noise they make as I walk. So wish I was rich, I would have heels in every color. I would love these from WetSeal...





Although I really don't have anywhere to wear them so it would really be a waste of money. Oh well they're cute anyway though.

Halloween & Weddings!!

Hailey is going to be a ballerina for Halloween! We got the cutest little skirt in the little girls dept. at Walmart and these shoes at Target...



Now we just need to find a long sleeved onesie...

I think this coat from Old Navy is so cute! It looks like one I would have had when I was little. If Hailey's coat from last year didn't still fit her, I would definitely have to get her this one!!



We have ANOTHER wedding to go to this Saturday! I have no idea what we're going to wear. But I love the family to pieces, so hopefully it will be a lot of fun! I'll try to take pics...those of you on my MySpace friends list, I'll try to get pics posted there soon after. Now, for the really good news...I've convinced my sister to get married HERE! We're so excited. She's excited to actually have a really wedding, instead of a Vegas deal...and I'll be there, standing by her side. I have to find something to wear before then. It's all very quick...in December! But I told her I'll help her pull everything together. Anyone have any cheap wedding ideas? I think for her cake we're going to do sheet cakes to serve to the guests, and we're going to make the boquets ourselves! Any and all ideas would be very helpful! I'm really excited, I love doing this sort of thing! I'm going to be making the invites too, so any ideas for that would be good too! She's already got her dress, it's really pretty! Unfortunately we did get some really horrible news...her fiance will be going back to Iraq in Feb./March next year. My sister is very heartbroken about that. Her first 8 months or so as a newlywed will be spent apart from each other. But we're all trying to stay positive.

Frustrations

I'm so incredibly glad this is Friday. I did over 500 checks this week at work, and entered over 1000 invoices. I've been working my butt off, I'm so ready for a break! I was really excited to have a nice relaxing Friday night...our family friend called and invited my mom, Hailey and I to dinner at their house(she makes THE best spaghetti EVER, it's her signature dish--we LOVE it!) and I quickly said yes to her invitation! She wants me to try on a dress my friend left there, for the wedding at the end of next month, since I have yet to find one I like in my size. It's a black velvet short sleeved dress...I'm not sure it's really my style, but it would go good with the shoes I got...they look MUCH cuter in person!



Hailey has a blast at their house. It's huge, with a nice open floor plan...I thought it sounded like a nice evening! Well unfortunately my mom thought otherwise, and was quite pissed that I'd accepted the invitation without consulting her first. I know everyone's entitled to bad days, and feeling down and pissed off...heck we all know I have had my fair share of those days. But we've got a weekend coming up with no big plans, time to just have fun and relax, and a free meal tonight in the company of good friends! How can she be in such a bad mood? She says it's work issues. But still, don't let it ruin the whole weekend! And I think she's stressing a little too much over nothing honestly. Anyway, I'm frustrated and bummed now...I'm afraid she's going to be in a cruddy mood all night, and when my mom's in a cruddy mood and we're around these friends, they tend to grate on each other's nerves and I'm stuck in the middle. :o( I'm going to try to just make the best of it, and hopefully once my mom's around Hailey she'll perk up and be in a better mood.

Awesome day

So today started off kind of crappy...my computer at work starting doing all kinds of funky things, and we had to call the IT guy out to fix it. Luckily, the guy they sent is my age, has things in common with my husband, and very easy to talk to. You'd never think it by looking at him...he's pretty easy on the eyes, dressed very nice...just not the kind of guy you'd think would be really down to earth. So anyway, I had someone to talk to all morning and keep me from getting incredibly bored at work! Turns out he knows my husband through college. Neat huh...small world. Then tonight after I finally took my cat to the vet to get her shots caught up and all that, I met up with Walgreen's girl and her son at this local play place for kids. Her sister came into town with her 3 year old son, and we all ate pizza, played and just had a blast! I'm very proud of myself, I've definately come out of my shell the last 5 years or so to the point where now I can just talk to random people without feeling shy or self conscious! Sometimes I do still feel a bit dumb when I'm talking to people, but I feel like I've known this girl forever, it's weird. She's my age too I found out, so that's neat. We have a lot in common. We had so much fun tonight, we're definately going to go there again and we made plans with Walgreen's girl to meet up with them again next week. I'm glad I took the initiative and gave her a call yesterday! Then we got home and I gave Hailey a bath. We had fun playing, and then we rocked and read books. I've realized something the past couple days...while Hailey may not be as agile as some other kids these days(she can climb and run, but she can't jump or slide on bigger slides and stuff yet) she is DEFINATELY a really fast learner. It literally takes about 10 seconds to teach her a new word, which includes how to say it and have her understand the meaning. I'm not joking, it's crazy. She knows hundreds of words now, speaks full sentences, it's just nuts! Tonight as we were reading one of her books she was asking "Where the star go?" and then she'd point and say "There it is!" It just amazes me, she's so little but yet she can talk like crazy. Then she was asking for a book called Busy Bugs. Usually she would just say "bug book" or something to that effect...not tonight...tonight it was "Busy Bugs mommy, read Busy Bugs!" And after we read it once..."read again!" Then as we were reading yet another book, she kept pointing at Mickey Mouse and saying "Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse! There he is! Mickey Mouse!" Where on earth did she learn that? We don't have anything Mickey except this one book, which to my knowledge we read for the first time tonight. Maybe they read about him at the sitters?? I have no idea, but I was shocked. She's growing up so fast...

Well it turns out I'm not going to Vegas to my sister's wedding after all. They found an affordable package that includes photography, so they really have no reason to spend that extra money on my ticket out there. The rest of the family is driving up 4 days before the wedding, but not only will we not all fit in one car, Hailey would NOT do well in the car that long. Could you imagine, a 17 month old in the car for like 10 hrs straight? That's just crazy. At least it would be for Hailey. She cannot sit still that long. So anyway, I'm a bit bummed...I won't be there to see my sister get married, and I'm missing out on another trip. But it's ok, at least I don't have to stress about FLYING!!

Ok I'll end this post w/ a story about a little boy I met at this play place we went to. He was the most adorable little thing. He walked up to me and sat down across from us. He was really pale, freckles, crazy big red curls...seriously he could have been straight out of a story book...so incredibly sweet. He tells me the kid in the green shirt said he would be his best friend, but now he says he's not. And he said he really wants to be his best friend, so that makes him really sad. I felt so bad for him! I told him "I'm sorry sweety." I asked him how old he was and he held up 4 little fingers, and I asked him what his name was and he said "Sammy"...I told him that I like that name and told him my name and Hailey's name. He sat there looking sad, and said "I just really want him to be my best friend"...seriously I wanted to just pick him up and give him a big ol hug and go make that other boy be his best friend, I mean this kid was so sweet and cute and innocent...I just wanted to make it all better for him. I have no idea who his parents were, I didn't see anybody around...and I have no idea where he ran off to, he just kind of disappeared. I just thought it was so sweet that he came up and told me that. I must look really friendly.

Explanations

I really feel like I need to explain a bit more about what led to my actions the other night. I've been feeling uncomfortable for a while now posting pictures and things on the internet. I hate it that I'm so paranoid, or that I have to be so paranoid. I love sharing things with you guys, and I love keeping up on all your lives. Then I saw an episode of CSI (seriously, I'm banning myself from watching this show...it's singlehandedly responsible for about 75% of my fears!!) where this woman found a family's website/blog and started taking info about their son and even pictures of him and altering the pictures to include her etc. She recognized the playground in the background of the pictures and would visit there often in hopes that the little boy would show up to play. She tried to kidnap him. I know I'm rediculous, it's just a TV show, but the sad fact is things like this DO happen. There is absolutely nothing to stop people from taking our pictures we post on our blogs and doing whatever they please with them, even if they are copyrighted. And any bits of personal info we put on our blogs can lead people right to us. I know I sound like a paranoid freak, I'm really not that bad. But I just started feeling really bad about the whole thing. I'd posted pics of Hailey around our house, at the parks in town etc. I'd posted pictures of myself and bits of info about the town I live in. It just started to make me really uneasy. PLUS, the fact that I was putting my extra time and energy into the blog, when I should have been putting it into writing things down about Hailey. I used to write things down daily...cute things she would do and say, milestones she'd reach...I guess I'm clinging to every little thing now because I don't remember hardly anything from the first 8 months of her life or so, since I didn't keep track of things back then...I have no idea when she got her first tooth etc! I have next to no free time, since I work full time, have to clean/cook etc. at home, take care of Hailey etc. so I got to where I quit writing all that stuff down and put some of it in the blog instead. The problem with this is, not only did I neglect Hailey's journal but none of you care about what Hailey learned to say each day or how I dumped milk on her head. The more I moved towards that sort of thing, the less people read, the less comments I got. I started being really boring apparently. But that's just my life right now. I don't have time for anything extra, and what can I say, I love my kid more than anything on the face of the earth, EVERYTHING she does is adorable and smart and silly to me! And let's face it, other than my close family nobody else is going to want to read such mundane daily details about my kid. So instead of putting things on here, I've starting writing them down for Hailey's journal again. I'm going to TRY to shift the focus of this blog, TRY to find other things to write about. Right now I am really busy at work. While "hate" might have been a strong word, I don't LOVE my job. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very happy here and I still am SO glad I moved here from the "hell hole"...but I don't want to be doing this specific job 2 years from now. I barely get a moment to breathe, let alone think about anything other than work. Accounts payable is just not fun! So, there you have it...

Ok, MOVING ON!!

My sister and her fiance have decided yet again to change the plans for their wedding. Now they have decided on going to Vegas. It wouldn't be for me, but hey whatever works for them. The cool part though, is that they've offered to pay for my trip if I'll go with them and take pictures! The problem is, I'm terrified of flying!! I've never flown, and I have this huge irrational fear. Not just of the plane crashing, but of something so small and silly. My ears popping. I can't pop my ears! And I've heard this can be excruciating on flights! What do I do if I get up there and my ears are hurting so bad, and I can't pop my ears?? How does that all work? Besides that fact, I'm really excited about the whole thing. I've never been anywhere before, and come on a free trip?? I'd be nuts to pass that up. Plus I'd still get to see my sister get married, instead of them waiting til she gets to CA to do it w/out any family. They're thinking of doing it in the next month or two, so we'll see how the plans come along!

Late night realizations

So I was lying here in bed, unable to get to sleep. And I finally realized something...I've been using this blog as a journal, but not just as a way to get things off my chest etc...I've mixed milestones about Hailey in as well. I don't have time to write everything twice. If I write it in the blog, it doesn't make it to her journal. As a result, Hailey's daily journal ended about a month ago, and I feel absolutely horrible about this. I work 40+ hrs a week, I have housework to do PLUS spending time with Hailey. What little extra time I have I really need to be devoting to keeping track of our family memories better. This has really been bothering me lately. Instead of posting things/pictures in my blog I really need to be typing up journal entries and printing them for her journal. And it's started making me really nervous posting pictures on the internet. When I started this blog I said I wasn't going to post pictures. But who doesn't want to share their adorable kids?? So I caved, and started posting more and more. And oddly enough, the more pictures I posted, the less comments I got. I really don't see the point anymore, especially with the security risk these days. WOW I just realized this is all sounding incredibly negative...hmmm, I'm not meaning it that way. Basically, I went back and deleted most of the pictures of myself and Hailey I put on here. Lucky you if you happened to see them, and for those of you who didn't I'm sorry. I'm not closing the blog, but as my readers have seemingly dwindled my posts will probably be few and far between. I've become overwhelmingly busy at work, to the point where I am really hating my job and counting down the days til I can be a SAHM, so I just don't have time to post much anymore. I'm either taking time away from my work or staying up late at night to post. It's just too hard, being a working mom and trying to keep up with everything.

Hopefully now that this is taken care of I can get some sleep...

Crying...and laughing...over spilled milk

I had one heck of a morning. First of all, I was running a few minutes late anyway. So things were a bit more frantic than usual. I had successfully changed Hailey's diaper, gotten her dressed and fixed her hair. I left her sitting on the living room floor. As I walked over to the recliner to get dressed myself, I heard her say "It stuck!" and as I look back I see her shaking her sippy cup of milk. I walked over, stood right next to her and proceeded to turn her milk cup upside down over my hand and squeezed. WHAT was I thinking. Obviously I wasn't thinking. I was just trying to see if the holes were clogged. After a while the holes on those Take N Toss cup lids start to close up. So of course, when I squeezed, the obvious happened. The lid popped right off, and the whole cup of milk splashed down on top of poor Hailey's head. It was dripping down her face...she was soaked from head to toe. My carpet was soaked in a circle about 3 ft. in diameter. My legs were soaked. I gasped, Hailey looked up at me like "what in the world just happened???" and as I started laughing, she started bawling. "MIIIIIIIIIIILK, MIIIIIIIIIIILK"...yes, she was crying over spilled milk. Seeing her sitting there on the floor covered in and surrounded by milk, and just the realization of the idiotic thing I just did, made me burst out laughing, I couldn't help it. I scooped her up in a towel and decided how best to handle the mess. I took her in her room, got her clean clothes. Took her wet clothes off(even her socks were soaked!), wiped us both off with baby wipes(no time for baths) and redressed Hailey in a clean/dry outfit. I wiped the milk out of her hair as best I could, then cleaned the carpet. Then dressed myself. Finally we were out the door, Hailey a happy little camper and me just laughing at my odd morning. Then halfway to the sitters Hailey realized she didn't have a boppy(pacifier). I told her I had one in my purse but it was pooey dirty so I'd have to have Heather was it off when we got there. So, on the very day she turns 17 months, when I had PLANNED on only giving her the boppy at naptime and bedtime to slowly wean her off of it...she starts wailing in the backseat..."WHYYYYYYYYYY, boppy, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" Then, holding her hands up in the air like she does when she's looking for something she wailed "Are you boppy, are you???????" as in "where are you"...then again, "WHYYYYYYYYYYYY." Oh it broke my heart and made me laugh at the same time. So dramatic. Obviously she's a little more attached to her pacifier than I thought. My automatic reaction was to think maybe we should hold off a little longer on getting rid of the boppy, until she understands better WHY we're getting rid of it...ie, big girls don't need boppies. But then I'm thinking, maybe this just goes to show if I don't get rid of it NOW, we'll have an even tougher problem getting rid of it later after she's had even more time to get attached to it??? Anyway, that's been my day so far!!

Maybe boppies aren't such a bad thing after all...

The wierdest thing happened today after I picked Hailey up for daycare. I went to Walgreen's to pick up my prescription. I had parked the car before I realized what I was doing, but then decided the drive through takes too long anyways. So I walk up to the prescription counter holding Hailey(who is covered in dirt by the way--she loves digging in dirt, what can I say--and she has her boppy(pacifier)in her mouth as always) and stand behind a girl that's getting her prescription. Her little boy is sitting in the cart, a boppy in his mouth as well. So of course Hailey starts staring him down like "what in the world are you doing with my boppy in your mouth??" and this little boy just reaches out and tries to grab hers like it's his. We kind of laughed and his mom made the comment that Hailey still has the "baby" one (the green softer one) Her son had the one for older babies that's blue and harder. I told her she just won't use the harder ones and she said her son wouldn't for the longest time either. So the little boy waves at Hailey and they head off to the front of the store to leave. I get my prescription and make my way to the front of the store and end up meeting up with her again. I asked her how old her son is--20 months, 3 months older than Hailey--and we talk a bit. We made our way outside, but we stood there talking outside for at least 15 to 20 minutes! It turns out she just moved into town not too long ago and has no mommy friends here. We have quite a bit in common, it's odd...her boyfriend went back to school as well, but he takes night classes so he can still work full time so she's able to stay home with their son. She was a very nice person, very put together and so easy to talk to. We talked about everything, jobs, having more kids, what parts of town we live in etc. Even her son and Hailey seemed to get along, they were handing stuff back and forth to each other the whole time. While we were talking I noticed she'd say something about letting me go but then we'd start talking again...I could tell she didn't really want to just say bye and leave it at that, and honestly I didn't either. I was thinking wow here we bumped into each other so randomly and we're talking like we've known each other forever and we've got so much in common and have kids about the same age...it would be such a shame to just leave it at that and never see each other again. Finally I got up the nerve and just said "So I've never done this before, but would you want to exchange numbers and maybe get together sometime and let the kids play?" She got all excited and said "Yea that'd be great!" and she even started talking about taking them to this local play place that's newer in town and actually right by my house. How cool is that? I've been thinking lately how I really wish I had some mommy friends...I mean I have my friend S but she's so busy with her family I rarely ever see her. It would be so neat to have somebody with a kid about Hailey's age that I could just hang out and talk with. But I have no way of meeting people. Around here you generally don't just meet someone at the park or play area in the mall. Even going to church you don't meet people here...they're all so huge, people just keep to themselves and their little groups. So anyway we'll see what happens. I'm not sure if I should call her in a couple days, or wait to see if she calls me...but what if she's waiting to see if I'll call her so she never calls me? Jeez this is oddly like dating isn't it? Who knew making friends would be so difficult as an adult...there's an email address on the card she gave me, maybe I should just try to email her? Any advice from anybody??? I'm so excited!!

Alright

Not a whole lot to write about today, it's been a normal day. Last night was great, D was home. He got Hailey ready for dinner, we ate together. She yelled at me "NO!" anytime I'd try to talk to D...she wanted her daddy all to herself! She was so excited to see him. When he droved up in the car she waved her arms and yelled "Daddy!" So cute... then D even cleaned her off while I finished eating and they went outside. We all sat outside on the back porch for a little while til it got dark. Then *gasp!* D gave Hailey a bath! He is just awesome. He stayed til I went to put Hailey to bed and then went to work. And because I knew he would be home soon I fell asleep at 10:15!!! YAY FOR SLEEP!! I'm not so groggy today.

Today I traded in my cell phone that I just got for a bit better model/brand. It was only 10$ to trade up...the neat thing though, is that when I told D this on the phone this afternoon he was in full support, saying I needed a good reliable phone that's going to last, not one that's going to keep going downhill on me. While this may seem completely normal to some people, this is everything to me. It's that whole "sticking up for me" thing again. Supporting my decisions...you know that whole bit that we've had a problem with over the years. It's just really nice to have things finally falling into place. We get along so great now, he's been a great husband and a wonderful father! I'm loving it.

Wednesday randomness...

I’m so excited, I had ordered some scrapbook supplies from LTD and they came in yesterday. I thought the three kits would kind of help me get started, since the pages already have spots for pictures and such. They were only $4.95 a piece and they come with stickers and die cuts and 16 pages...

Vacation:



Friends & Family:



Four Seasons:



I also ordered these for $6.95 and they are SO neat...I love the little tags!



I'm planning on using the card table we have set up in the corner of the dining room as my scrapbook/photo album area once I get to cleaning it off. I also need to get some storage containers for my supplies. My mom has no interest in scrapbooking...she thinks they look neat, but that's about it. Well last night she was going on about how we need to get me some special scizzors and pens and such. I only have 1 pair of the scizzors and a few pens...I think black, purple, dark blue and silver. I already know some of the things to put on my Christmas list this year! My mother in law is going to be so excited...she loves shopping for us girls, esp. when she knows what we want! All I have to do is give her a list...I'm also asking for a new skillet this year. Mine is getting so old and I use it so much it's really wearing out! Anyway...anybody have any ideas for scrapbook supplies that I just shouldn't live without???

D'S HOME!! YAY!! So excited. It was so nice to walk into our bedroom to get dressed this morning and see him laying in bed. When I got Hailey up I told her Daddy was home and asked if she wanted to go see him and she smiled really big and said "uh huh!" She gave him a kiss and giggled. Hopefully he'll get home from practice in time to see her tonight. I think she really misses him. He misses her like crazy.

WELL...I'm finally done...I finally read the last Harry Potter! If you haven't read it and are going to, stop here, because I'm about to say a few things about it. First off, I think it was awesome. Loved it. It was my favorite one of all of them. There is one thing I'm confused on though. Why did the Elder Wand choose Draco as it's new master, and how did Harry know this?? Did I miss something? When he was talking to Voldemort in the end and he told him that, I was like WHAT?? I think I'll probably have to re-read the book eventually, I know I had to of missed some things. Now I don't know what I'm going to do over my lunch break! I used to be so excited to go read Potter...it seems weird that they're over with. I can't imagine what the last movie is going to be like. All those deaths...I wonder how much they'll skip over and what they'll include. To me the whole story seems so important to the ending of the tale. I guess we'll see!

I made a major booboo. I've been so exhausted since D's been gone, from getting no sleep...I completely forgot to start my new pack of pills Sunday. I realized this yesterday. I was reading Kayce's comment on a post from a couple days ago and thought oh no... I took Monday and yesterday's pills last night and just skipped the first pill in the pack. Is that ok?? I hope I didn't totally screw up my cycle. It was just now finally getting back on track. I have to call my dr. at some point this month, see if she can give me 3 more months worth of samples. She had wanted me to go off them in October because we were going to start trying in December, but now that we're shooting for March or April I figure I'll take my last pack in December. But there isn't a generic for the brand I take, so my ins. makes me pay a crap load for them. Hopefully my dr. still has samples.

Hope everyone is having a good week so far! The weather here has been WONDERFUL!! I went home and changed last night and then took Hailey to the park. It was only 80 degrees, and dropping as the night went on. It was beautiful! Last night it got downright cold...in the 40's! I'm excited at being able to put different clothes on Hailey finally...her summer clothes were getting so boring! I put her little goucho capris on her this morning (hand me downs from my friend S--I actually bought them for her little girl a year or so ago!) and a jacket that, get this...is from LAST SPRING! All her jackets/coats still fit her, how cool is that?? They were big on her last season. They're all 6-12 months. But now they fit her great! That reminds me, I noticed something this morning...Hailey is thinning out. I've noticed lately that she only gets her big buddha belly after she eats now. When she wakes up in the morning it's a normal little pudgy belly. This morning as I was changing her diaper I noticed I could see the white lines of her leg rolls on her upper/inner thighs. Up until now I've had to spread the roll apart to see down in there. Her legs are definately looking thinner. I was so afraid she was going to be a little fat kid. Not that there's anything wrong with being fat, except I don't want her to have any health problems from being overweight. That runs in D's family! Luckily he's escaped it. Anyway...she's definately not my little baby anymore. I'll have to post pictures soon...

I remember...

>>> M. M. 9/11/2007 8:22 AM >>>
Hey what's up. msnbc is rebroadcasting the telecast from 2001 and I remember us watching it in C's cubicle......

Erin wrote: I was thinking of that this morning as I was getting ready. I don't know why, this is the first year I've actually like thought back to what I was doing that day and how I felt and such. I remember us all crammed into her cubicle watching on that little tv and we saw the 2nd plane hit. And work wouldn't let us go home. We didn't do any work for the rest of the day.

>>> M. M. 9/11/2007 8:42 AM >>>
it is so weird to watch it rehappen. I know how it ends and everybody on the news really seems to be so calm and all of that and i know what is coming!! I ended up taking half a day of vacation that day picked up E from daycare and went home because hubby didn't want me in town. i remember calling him and telling him to turn on the tv and he was like what channel and we were like it doesn't matter.... right now it seems really bad but we had no idea how much worse it was going to get when those things fell down

Erin wrote: I don't remember if D called me or I called D, but he had slept through both planes hitting the towers...his mom called him bawling and woke him up. His parents were on the way back from St. Louis. They'd been at a tournament(the pros) and rushed home when they heard what happened. D and I were supposed to go the next day. I was going to get to see Tiger Woods and all the pros, but of course the rest of the tournament was canceled because of what happened. D had no clue what was going on. He still had to go to school too, they didn't cancel class. Do you remember the freak out about gas then? People lining up at the pumps? The whole thing seems like ages ago, but then when I think about being there in C's cubicle with you all watching it happen it seems like just yesterday. I didn't know much about anything back then, so I didn't understand the full magnitude of what was happening. I still can't watch footage of it to this day, it makes me start to tear up. I remember the bodies falling...jeez.

M.M.: this is insane the first tower has fallen and the broadcasters don't even know it. they were just like oh a chunk fell off.........they just now figured it out. like 20 mins later. they are like oh that building is gone.......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For some reason as I was brushing my teeth this morning, it hit me. Today’s 9/11. In the years that have passed since that horrible day, the day has passed for me without much contemplation or thought on what happened that day 6 years ago. What happened was sad. Horrible. Indescribable. But it didn’t affect me personally. Not directly anyway. Then my sister’s boyfriend went to Iraq last year. He was miserable. We were terrified. What cause was he fighting for? None of us really knew. It seemed pointless. Thank God he came home safely. We’re praying everyday he doesn’t have to go back. So this morning the day has new meaning for me. That was the day the world changed. I remember going to work. I don’t remember who was the first to announce what was going on. I just remember all of us rushing over to C’s cubicle and watching on her tiny 5” black and white TV as they showed footage of the hole in the first tower. Then as we all watched, the second plane hit. We were all in shock. I had no idea what was going on. I knew nothing about politics; I had no interest in the government. All I knew is we were under attack. I was furious, and scared, and sad and confused. The president of the company came over the intercom. We would not be closing the office. We wouldn’t let life stop. Nevertheless, some people did go home, like my friend in the email above. We all spent the rest of the day talking. I remember D calling me, groggy from just waking up, confused as to what was going on. His mom had woken him up by calling him bawling. I remember telling him “What the hell was she bawling for??” She hadn’t seen the images, had only heard snippets of what was going on on the radio. And still she was barely able to speak. That confused me even more. I don’t really remember the events of the rest of the day. I don’t even remember what we did that night. The rest of the day is a blur. I just remember thinking…the world will never be the same.

Envy

Friday after I picked Hailey up from school I stopped by my friend S's house. She's the one that runs the home daycare in the same neighborhood as Hailey's school...she's also the one I've been friends with since birth. Our mom's were best friends as kids as well. Anyway...I stopped by her house. She was updating me on her 2 friends that I know who are pregnant. She asked me if we we're still planning on trying in December. I told her I didn't know for sure, but most likely not. Ok, a little background for those of you who don't know:
Back a few months ago, I had told her we were going to try in December...just like I told my mom and my in-laws, and my sister in law. Well, then we decided to wait longer...so I told my mom and my in-laws we were going to wait, and their reaction was "Thank God." My in-laws had that reaction because of financial reasons. We're not rich. Apparently rich people are the only people that should have kids. My mom had that reaction because she's infatuated with Hailey, and doesn't want another grandkid right now (just like she didn't want a grandkid when I was pregnant with Hailey--but she's now obsessed, of course)...but also because we don't know what D's job situation will be like yet. Fastforward to present day. We know the things holding us back, but that doesn't change the fact that we still want another baby. We would still like to start trying the first part of next year. We know we should wait til we know something concrete about his job situation. And yes some people will think we're stupid for not waiting. But everything's always ok. We always get through, we always make things work. We're not poor. Even if he can't get a really good paying job right away, after he graduates, he'll still be working and we'll still be fine! SO, anyway...I had told my friend back then that we were going to try in December...she told me she wanted another one, but her husband didn't. My next visit with her, about a month later, she told me she'd convinced him to have another one and they may start trying the same time as we were. Over the next month, we decide not to try so soon, but I don't tell her this. Ok, so back to Friday's visit...
So I tell her we're not sure when we'll try, and I tell her the reaction his parents and my mom had when we told them we were waiting...and what does she tell me?? "Well I'm off the pill. We're hoping to get pregnant in January." Seriously, I just wanted to burst into tears. They're financially set. They own a house. She stays home with the kids and does home daycare. They can have how many kids they want whenever they want. But I didn't dream she'd do that to me. I'm sure I'm just looking at it wrong. I'm sure she thought it would be really neat for us to finally be pregnant together like we'd always dreamed and have our kids be the same age like we were so they can be best friends too. But all I could think was how crappy the whole situation is. We were so excited to try in December. Then we realized we should probably wait. Our families were relieved, much to our dismay. And now we want to try the first part of the year, knowing our families are NOT going to be happy...it's like she stole my plan, my happy exciting plan right out from under me. Everyone will be overjoyed for them. She'll be pregnant when I wanted to be. It's going to be a constant reminder of what I can't have. She's my best friend. I should be happy for her. And I am, but I'm mostly jealous, and envious, and pretty resentful as well. We did have a good rest of the night, we went out to eat with our 3 girls, had a good conversation while the girls acted like kids--it's so nice to have someone to hang out with and go out to eat with that has kids, where we sit and actually have a conversation while ignoring our kids showing each other their food and giggling etc.
Then I get to work this morning. Preggo is in my office talking to me. My boss walks up, her face all red. Right away I knew something wasn't right. I asked her what was wrong. She made small talk and I asked her how her trip went. Finally the conversation lulled, and she stood there, and finally she patted her tummy. Yea. I am really excited for her. Her son is 2 months older than Hailey. We have been joking for a few months now that we both need another baby. I've noticed she's been off, for quite a while now. I talked to my other coworker about what might be wrong...I may have even blogged about how she's been acting different and I was scared something was up. But that's what's been wrong. I wondered, since Friday she left for a dr. appointment. It just popped into my head, hm I wonder if she is... Yep I was right. Yes I am happy for her. Yes I feel bad that she is SO sick with this one like she was with her first. But yes, I am also jealous and envious. And it's a constant reminder every day now. She's my boss, my office is right across from hers. I get to watch her slowly expanding waistline every day now. And be jealous that she's the one puking and not me. How messed up is that??

TGIF (Lots to say)

School is definitely back in session. Let me recap the events of yesterday for you.

First off, I woke up with tummy issues. I took some medicine the night before to try and, um, help things along (sorry if tmi) because my IBS was really acting up. Well apparently I took too big of a dose for me, because I spent the whole day yesterday running to the bathroom. I think I lost at least 2 pounds yesterday, it was horrible. On the way to work I was having such bad belly pains I almost had to pull over twice. That issue just laid the groundwork for my crappy day.

Add to that the fact that I’m exhausted. I haven’t been able to get much sleep lately, again. D’s home less, which means I’m staying up late again to spend time with him when he gets off work on the days he’s in town. And Hailey has a cold, so she hasn’t been sleeping well. Last night I tried for over an hour to get her to sleep. I read her like 5 books, falling asleep myself in the middle of each one. I tried rocking her with the lamp on and off. I tried rocking her in different positions. She was still wide awake an hour later at 9:45!! I was too tired I just couldn’t do it any longer. I had needed to do so many things, like take a shower, do a load of laundry so I’d have jeans to wear today, scoop the litter box, unload and reload the dishwasher and get that running. Finally I put her in her crib awake, and told her very firmly to lay down. When I turned the light back off she popped up her head and started to stand up, and I told her to lay down again very firmly, so amazingly she did. I crept out of the room. I got on the internet for a little bit to give her time to fall asleep without me making any noise in the house and she actually didn’t make a fuss, she just went right to sleep, thank God. Of course by that time I’m in a horrible mood, so when D gets home I’m less than friendly and so busy running around the house trying to do things when I’m so stinking tired that when he tried to stop me to give me a hug I just blew up at him to get out of the way so I could shut the door to the laundry room because the contents in the dryer were banging around loudly and I did NOT want to wait Hailey up. So he went and sat in the recliner and pouted. I told him to quit pouting, that I was not in the mood. I told him I was so pissed off, I was even pissing myself off. I feel absolutely horrible about it. When he first got home he admitted to me that he’s so stressed right now about school. Apparently his botany labs are absolutely mandatory to pass the class, and he’s going to be gone for the first half of them because of golf tournaments. As of right now we don’t know what this means as far as him being able to pass/fail that course…and he has to have that course to graduate at the end of the year. He’s stressed about trying to handle everything…golf, school, us. Especially now that we are doing so well. And I made him spend so much time with Hailey the past month that’s he’s fallen in love with her just like I knew he would. That sounds bad. He always loved her. But he wasn’t infatuated with her like I am. Where I think about her all day, think every single thing she does is absolutely the cutest thing in the world (well except her stinky poops, while necessary, those are not cute)…and now he craves time with her, he asks me about her all the time, constantly comments on little things she does that I’m used to that he’s finally noticing. He knows now how I have felt for the past year. And it’s killing him to be away from her. It makes it that much harder to be away to these tournaments, that much harder to be out of town at school all day and practice all evening when his little girl is only 30 minutes away… I just feel so bad for him, and here I was so exhausted last night I couldn’t even muster up the energy to be NICE to him. To comfort him. I just went to bed, told him I was sorry that I couldn’t be in a better mood, and passed out immediately. I just hope the rest of the season goes by really fast. I hate knowing that my husband is stressed…he’s not the type to get stressed about anything. So when he is, you know it’s a big deal. He’s trying so hard to get through school with good grades, while trying to do well for the golf team and support his family all at the same. This situation is hard for all of us. I’ve got to try really hard to keep things organized and running smoothly this next 8 months or so, and try to make sure we stay in good spirits. This is his last year, we need to make the best of it…it’ll all be over before we know it, and we can finally have the normal life we want so badly!!!

I woke up in a bit better mood this morning, thank God. All the things I need to get done today are not helping my stress levels…I’m a bit anxious about getting everything done. I need to get all of D’s tournament clothes washed. I am determined to make him some cookies to be a good wife and cheer him up a bit. One of my very good friends whom I have known for 15 years (these are the family friends that we used to live next door to) is having her bridal shower tomorrow. Which means I have a whole list of things I need to do tonight to prepare. I have to make sure Hailey’s outfit fits. I have to find her a pair of brown shoes to go with it because the pair my friend gave me that perfectly match it are of course a whole size too big for Hailey’s tiny feet. I have to find myself something to wear…I don’t have any clothes appropriate for the occasion…I have either too casual or too dressy. Oh and I have to buy a gift! I haven’t had time to do that yet. And I really need to repaint my toenails. Hopefully I can get everything done and get a decent night’s sleep.

Ok I have to mention the tattoo drama from last night. My sister met me at home after I got off work last night. We went downtown to the nice tattoo place to make our appointments and put down the deposits. Next Friday, the 14th at 8:00 and 9:00 pm. We went by the pet store, where Hailey was supposed to see a bunch of “mammals”(animals) but everything had been sold except the fish which was weird. Then my sister didn’t want to stand and look at fish, so after not even 5 minutes she picked Hailey up and carried her to the front of the store! Honestly that ticked me off. She promised to let her look at animals, and then only wanted to let her glance at the fish and she was having a blast talking to the fishies and jumping up to see the ones in the high tanks. Anyway we left, me promising to set up Hailey’s tank at home really soon. We went home and D came home for dinner. I told him we’d set up our appointments for the tattoos. He flipped out. I mean bad. He was so mad. Yelling at me that he told me he didn’t want me to get one, throwing a few choice words in here and there. I was shocked, I had no idea he felt THAT strongly about the situation. My sister got really mad. The deposits are non-refundable! But I called the place and they said as he hadn’t drawn anything up yet we could have our money back no problem. Thank God. So we loaded in the car and D left for work, and I had to look stupid and walk back in that place to get our refund. I felt so stupid about the whole thing. I was hurt at the way D handled being upset with me about it. He still won’t tell me why he doesn’t want me to get one, only that he doesn’t want me to. I did want it, because of the meaning…but if he feels that strongly about it that’s fine, I won’t do it. I just wish instead of barking profanities at me he would have told me calmly and explained why. I know he only reacted so badly because he was stressed. Under normal circumstances he wouldn’t have handled it that way. It was just a big mess, more drama I didn’t need. I’m not really upset about not getting it. I was looking forward to it, but oh well. I don’t really care. This way, we can save the money up for something else.

Speaking of saving money up for something else. I’m trying to decide what to do about Hailey’s sleeping situation. She’s getting so big, and I’m so small, it’s getting harder and harder to rock her to sleep at night. Her legs hang off my lap. I feel like she just can’t be comfortable. I can’t help but think if I could only lay her in bed and either lay down with her(if she had a twin bed) or sit on the floor next to her toddler bed, and read to her that way…that way I wouldn’t have to get up and put her in bed once she did fall asleep, I could just creep out of the room. But is she ready for a toddler bed? She still fits perfectly fine in her crib. And it’s just lately that she hasn’t been going to sleep well while I rock her. I’m going to wait another week or two and see if things get better, but I’m seriously thinking about moving her to a toddler bed before she turns 2 like we’d originally planned. She needs to start learning now how to go to sleep in her own bed, instead of me having to rock her every night. I feel like if I start early, weaning her away from the rocking now, maybe she won’t have such a tough time with it since she’s still so young? Does anyone have any thoughts/advice on this? Babyhood and all the issues that come along with that phase I think I have down…toddlerhood is a whole different story…I feel like I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, all over again!

Changing subjects again…I like to think I speak well. Aside from the occasion wrong word usage or a tad bit of improper grammar, I think I do ok. Yes I use words like “ya’ll” and “ain’t” in everyday conversation. But sometimes I go a bit too far…maybe I’m a little overly emotional? Or overly tired? I don’t know…but there are moments (like last night) that remind me I am a good ol’ small town country girl at heart. My grammar slips, and I start using words like “dudn’t.” As in “He dudn’t know what it’s like…” It sounds right at the time, and then I think back on it later and think LORD, what does that even MEAN?? Why couldn’t I have just said “doesn’t?” I must have sounded like an idiot!

Sunday I am supposed to go to a bridal show with my sister and stepmom. I was excited to go before my sister told me her latest news. She’s moving to CA in the next few months. Which means they’ll be getting married in a courthouse once she gets there so they can live in base housing for free. They’re planning on having a real ceremony a couple years from now, when they are able to move back here. The problem with this is…I know that won’t happen. My sister is planning in her mind this huge ceremony with everything, the fancy dress, food, flowers etc. etc. If they get married at the courthouse, people are going to think it’s silly of them for having a ceremony 2 years from now…and I have a strong feeling that they’ll think it’s silly as well, and not necessary. So I’m going to this show Sunday, spending time away from Hailey and the other things I need to be doing…and I highly doubt she’s ever going to even have a real ceremony. So I’m just a tad bit irritated at that. At least I will get plenty of cake samples. I’m telling myself the cake makes it all worth it…right???

Alright well I think I’ve said enough for one post…better end it here.

8 Foods You Should Eat Everyday

Some info I want to remember...


Spinach

Sexual enhancement, Muscle growth, Heart healthy, Bone builder, Enhances eyesight

It may be green and leafy, but spinach is also the ultimate man food. This noted biceps builder is a rich source of plant-based omega-3s and folate, which help reduce the risk of heart disease, stroke, and osteoporosis. Bonus: Folate also increases blood flow to the penis. And spinach is packed with lutein, a compound that fights age-related macular degeneration. Aim for 1 cup fresh spinach or 1/2 cup cooked per day.

SUBSTITUTES: Kale, bok choy, romaine lettuce

FIT IT IN: Make your salads with spinach; add spinach to scrambled eggs; drape it over pizza; mix it with marinara sauce and then microwave for an instant dip.

PINCH HITTER: Sesame Stir-Braised Kale Heat 4 cloves minced garlic, 1 Tbsp. minced fresh ginger, and 1 tsp. sesame oil in a skillet. Add 2 Tbsp. water and 1 bunch kale (stemmed and chopped). Cover and cook for 3 minutes. Drain. Add 1 tsp. soy sauce and 1 Tbsp. sesame seeds.


Yogurt

Cancer fighter, Bone builder, Boosts immunity

Various cultures claim yogurt as their own creation, but the 2,000-year-old food's health benefits are not disputed: Fermentation spawns hundreds of millions of probiotic organisms that serve as reinforcements to the battalions of beneficial bacteria in your body, which boost the immune system and provide protection against cancer. Not all yogurts are probiotic though, so make sure the label says "live and active cultures." Aim for 1 cup of the calcium and protein-rich goop a day.

SUBSTITUTES: Kefir, soy yogurt

FIT IT IN: Yogurt topped with blueberries, walnuts, flaxseed, and honey is the ultimate breakfast — or dessert. Plain low-fat yogurt is also a perfect base for creamy salad dressings and dips.

HOME RUN: Power Smoothie Blend 1 cup low-fat yogurt, 1 cup fresh or frozen blueberries, 1 cup carrot juice, and 1 cup fresh baby spinach for a nutrient-rich blast.


Tomatoes

Cancer fighter, Heart healthy, Boosts immunity

There are two things you need to know about tomatoes: Red are the best, because they're packed with more of the antioxidant lycopene, and processed tomatoes are just as potent as fresh ones, because it's easier for the body to absorb the lycopene. Studies show that a diet rich in lycopene can decrease your risk of bladder, lung, prostate, skin, and stomach cancers, as well as reduce the risk of coronary artery disease. Aim for 22 mg of lycopene a day, which is about eight red cherry tomatoes or a glass of tomato juice.

SUBSTITUTES: Red watermelon, pink grapefruit, Japanese persimmon, papaya, guava

FIT IT IN: Pile on the ketchup and Ragu; guzzle low-sodium V8 and gazpacho; double the amount of tomato paste called for in a recipe.

PINCH HITTER: Red and Pink Fruit Bowl Chop 1 small watermelon, 2 grapefruits, 3 persimmons, 1 papaya, and 4 guavas. Garnish with mint.


Carrots

Cancer fighter, Boosts immunity, Enhances eyesight

Most red, yellow, or orange vegetables and fruits are spiked with carotenoids — fat-soluble compounds that are associated with a reduction in a wide range of cancers, as well as reduced risk and severity of inflammatory conditions such as asthma and rheumatoid arthritis — but none are as easy to prepare, or have as low a caloric density, as carrots. Aim for 1/2 cup a day.

SUBSTITUTES: Sweet potato, pumpkin, butternut squash, yellow bell pepper, mango

FIT IT IN: Raw baby carrots, sliced raw yellow pepper, butternut squash soup, baked sweet potato, pumpkin pie, mango sorbet, carrot cake

PINCH HITTER: Baked Sweet Potato Fries Scrub and dry 2 sweet potatoes. Cut each into 8 slices, and then toss with olive oil and paprika. Spread on a baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes at 350°F. Turn and bake for 10 minutes more.


Blueberries

Brain stimulant, Cancer fighter, Heart healthy, Boosts immunity

Host to more antioxidants than any other popular fruit, blueberries help prevent cancer, diabetes, and age-related memory changes (hence the nickname "brain berry"). Studies show that blueberries, which are rich in fiber and vitamins A and C, boost cardiovascular health. Aim for 1 cup fresh blueberries a day, or 1/2 cup frozen or dried.

SUBSTITUTES: Açai berries, purple grapes, prunes, raisins, strawberries

FIT IT IN: Blueberries maintain most of their power in dried, frozen, or jam form.

PINCH HITTER: Açai, an Amazonian berry, has even more antioxidants than the blueberry. Mix 2 Tbsp. of açai powder into OJ or add 2 Tbsp. of açai pulp to cereal, yogurt, or a smoothie.


Black Beans

Muscle growth, Brain stimulant, Heart healthy

All beans are good for your heart, but none can boost your brain power like black beans. That's because they're full of anthocyanins, antioxidant compounds that have been shown to improve brain function. A daily ½cup serving provides 8 grams of protein and 7.5 grams of fiber, and is low in calories and free of saturated fat.

SUBSTITUTES: Peas, lentils, and pinto, kidney, fava, and lima beans

FIT IT IN: Wrap black beans in a breakfast burrito; use both black beans and kidney beans in your chili; puree 1 cup black beans with ¼cup olive oil and roasted garlic for a healthy dip; add favas, limas, or peas to pasta dishes.

HOME RUN: Black Bean and Tomato Salsa Dice 4 tomatoes, 1 onion, 3 cloves garlic, 2 jalapeños, 1 yellow bell pepper, and 1 mango. Mix in a can of black beans and garnish with 1/2 cup chopped cilantro and the juice of 2 limes.


Walnuts

Muscle growth, Brain stimulant, Cancer fighter, Heart healthy, Boosts immunity

Richer in heart-healthy omega-3s than salmon, loaded with more anti-inflammatory polyphenols than red wine, and packing half as much muscle-building protein as chicken, the walnut sounds like a Frankenfood, but it grows on trees. Other nuts combine only one or two of these features, not all three. A serving of walnuts — about 1 ounce, or seven nuts — is good anytime, but especially as a postworkout recovery snack.

SUBSTITUTES: Almonds, peanuts, pistachios, macadamia nuts, hazelnuts

FIT IT IN: Sprinkle on top of salads; dice and add to pancake batter; spoon peanut butter into curries; grind and mix with olive oil to make a marinade for grilled fish or chicken.

HOME RUN: Mix 1 cup walnuts with ½ cup dried blueberries and ¼ cup dark chocolate chunks.


Oats

Muscle growth, Brain stimulant, Heart healthy

The éminence grise of health food, oats garnered the FDA's first seal of approval. They are packed with soluble fiber, which lowers the risk of heart disease. Yes, oats are loaded with carbs, but the release of those sugars is slowed by the fiber, and because oats also have 10 grams of protein per ½-cup serving, they deliver steady muscle-building energy.

SUBSTITUTES: Quinoa, flaxseed, wild rice

FIT IT IN: Eat granolas and cereals that have a fiber content of at least 5 grams per serving. Sprinkle 2 Tbsp. ground flaxseed on cereals, salads, and yogurt.

PINCH HITTER: Quinoa Salad Quinoa has twice the protein of most cereals, and fewer carbs. Boil 1 cup quinoa in a mixture of 1 cup pear juice and 1 cup water. Let cool. In a large bowl, toss 2 diced apples, 1 cup fresh blueberries, ½ cup chopped walnuts, and 1 cup plain fat-free yogurt.

I live for little moments like this...

Ok well D's been gone since Monday morning to a tournament. I missed him like crazy, and I've been exhausted. I can't sleep when he's not here, I just hate being the only adult in the house. Monday night I didn't get to sleep til after 1:00. Last night I took a shower at 10:00, and after I got dressed I went into Hailey's room to turn off her baby monitor...and she was sitting up in her crib. Not good. I tried for a good 45 minutes to just rock her and when she didn't go back to sleep I laid her in her crib, thinking I could get her to lay down and fall asleep. No such luck, she freaked out and threw a fit. I was so exhausted, I was having bad cramps...I couldn't help but get just a little frustrated at the situation. I was doing the best that I could. It's hard to never have any help at bedtime. I slammed her door, which I regret. I got her out of her crib and turned on the bedside lamp and started reading to her. I felt bad because her little eyes weren't even adjusted to the light. I was just at a loss for what to do. She didn't have a fever, she wasn't coughing...I didn't know what was wrong!! I read for a while and she finally started to fall asleep. I tried to put her in her crib again because she was finally OUT. And she woke up AGAIN and freaked out. I told her very firmly to go back to sleep...I turned off the light and told her I was there, to lay down. She did. She even fell asleep...til I got the door almost closed, and she woke up and freaked out again!!!! Finally it just hit me. It didn't matter why she was awake, or why she wouldn't go to sleep(since I knew she wasn't sick) all that mattered was that for some reason she needed me. I remember feeling like that as a child. I fully appreciate how hard it was for my mom to raise me as a single parent. I know she was exhausted at the end of the day just like I am now...from working all day, coming home and cleaning house, cooking, trying to spend time with me and then begging me to go to sleep at the end of the day. I know what both sides feel like now. I remember so well not being able to fall asleep as a child, and wishing my mom would cuddle up to me so I could drift off to sleep. Some nights I just needed her. I took Hailey out of her crib and cuddled her close. I whispered to her that we were going to try something different. I shut off her fan, turned off the hall light and put her in bed with me. I put my face up to hers, cuddled up close and we just looked into each others' eyes and she got the biggest grin on her face. I could tell she was content. I turned off the light and we drifted off to sleep. Unfortunately she tossed and turned most of the night. I'm not sure if she had a tummy ache, or if her gums were hurting her or what. I was so tired I didn't even think about trying Orajel. Her gums are very swollen. I got about 2 or 3 hours of sleep last night but I don't care. It was so nice to just cuddle up in bed, the two of us holding hands and drifting off to sleep, mommy and baby.

Work was crazy busy today. When I got back from lunch I was asked to help with another meeting like I did a few weeks ago. Luckily I was able to leave there at 4:30 this time so I could still be able to pick Hailey up on time.

Ok I seriously need to go to bed...so tired...

??

Well after all this time I got my first "anonymous" comment, but it wasn't what I was expecting. Go to THIS post to see what I'm talking about...I'm not quite sure what to make of it. Unless somebody just googled Jehovah's Witnesses to post this crap??

Weekend recap

I didn't have anything to blog about this weekend. It was just a normal weekend. Saturday Hailey slept in til 10:00, such a wonderful daughter! My sister called as I was getting ready to leave the house and wanted me to meet her and my cousin for lunch, so I took Hailey to my mom's to spend some good quality time and I went to lunch without her!! I can't believe I did it, but you know what, it was nice for a change to be able to sit and eat and not have to worry about her wanting out of her seat or grimy hands being wiped all over me or grabing food off my plate. Eating out with her is a frenzy, unless we go to Ruby Tuesday's and then she's not so bad. She loves looking out their huge windows and will sit still for their huge salad bar, she LOOOOOOOVES salad. Anyway, after lunch we went to a local Tattoo place/art gallery and got quotes for the tattoos we want to get. My sister and I want to get matching tattoos. We've wanted to for years and years, since before either of us was even of age, but we could never figure out what. Wendy and her sister got matching flowers (daisy's I believe?) and that got me thinking...a cherry blossom popped into my head. The meaning of the flower really hits home for my sister and I...it's supposed to remind you how fragile and short yet how beautiful life is. The only thing stopping us now is money and the fact that my husband "respects me for NOT having a tattoo." The money thing is no big deal. The fact that my husband would be disappointed in me if I get one...well that one complicates things a little. This is something we've wanted to do since before I even met him. Do I go ahead with it and just try again to explain to him what it means to me? Or do I chicken out and say oh never mind? I thought I'd be fine just saying oh forget it, but I keep thinking about it. I don't want a tattoo because everybody else has one...actually that makes me NOT want to get one. I want one for what it symbolizes...that bond between my sister and I that has always been there through thick and then, no matter what happened...and the symbol itself, the cherry blossom. So I don't know what to do on that one. I'm thinking I'm going to do it anyway. I love my husband to pieces, he is my other half...but I have to do things for myself once in a while. I can't completely live for other people. SO, we'll see...

For anyone interested, here is the meaning: (ignore all the stuff about Japan and Samurai Warriors...it's the basic symbolism that means something to us)

Cherry Blossom Tattoo - More often than not, when cherry blossoms appear in tattoo artwork, they do not appear alone. That sometimes seems a shame, for two reasons: their appearance and their meaning. The delicate and subtle beauty of these small blossoms is easily overwhelmed by the large and ornate Japanese sleeves, backpieces, and body suits in which they typically float as backdrop elements . Even so, the centuries old Japanese tattoo tradition from which they spring, and where they are still firmly rooted, has essentially formalized their use in that way. But while their ability to stand alone as design elements may have been circumscribed by custom, their powerful symbolism has taken on a life of its own. As Motoori Norinaga, noted Japanese scholar of the 18th century, wrote in a poem, “If I were asked to define the spirit of Japan, I would call it the blossom of the mountain cherry, scattering its scent in the morning sun.” For the Japanese, the beautiful period of its flowering and then the all too soon fading and subsequent scattering of petals on the wind, symbolizes life itself - but not life in some abstract and distant sense. The fragility of the cherry blossom is the fragility of human existence; its brief period of life, like our own; its implacable movement toward death, indifferent to the good things of this world, is the ideal death for a samurai warrior; and finally, its individual and perfect beauty is also ours. Poignant for some but hopeful for others, the symbolism of this staple in tattoo artwork seems almost more than a single flower could bear. However, like powerful tattoo symbols everywhere, it seems to shoulder the burden naturally.


Anyway, on to the rest of the weekend...Sunday morning I woke up at 10. Hailey was still sleeping! Did I mention the fact that I have a WONDERFUL little girl??? I was wide awake, so I got up and made some blueberry muffins with tons of blueberries. Hailey woke up just as they were coming out of the oven. I asked her if she wanted a yummy muffin and she nodded enthusiastically and said "YEA!" She ate two! My sister came over and we went down to my grandma's for dinner with the family. Hailey was great the whole time, letting everybody play with her. She went to sleep at 6:00 on the way home, and after trying unsuccessfully to get her woken up when we got home I finally put her to bed at 8:00. She woke up at 7:30 am yesterday. Yesterday afternoon I got a migraine, but I got over that eventually and the rest of the day was fine. We spent the day with my mom. We all took a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. Nice lazy day. Unfortunately it was hot, in the 90's again, BOO! But this weekend it's supposed to be a high of 80!!! SO looking forward to that.

D and I have been talking some more about the new baby plans. We've both come to the conclusion that we'll just wait and see how things work out over the next few months or so, and when the time seems right we'll go for it. We're not in any hurry. So it may be December like we'd originally planned, much to the dismay of our families...or it may be next summer, who knows. We're really enjoying the whole "planning" phase, since we didn't get to do that with Hailey. Everything is so fun this time around. We've already started talking about names. You have to understand, the whole name thing was a big issue for us when I was pregnant with Hailey. He didn't like any of my names, I didn't like any of his...boy or girl, either one. We just didn't see eye to eye. We finally settled on my favorite girl name for her middle name, and we found a name we both didn't dislike, but I didn't LOVE...one that didn't remind us of anything or anybody else. And we just went with that. It wasn't until Hailey was a good 3 months old or maybe even longer that I really saw her as "Hailey"...it never fit, until then. This time we've got the advantage of having a head start, and we're loving it. It's so fun to throw names around, even though we aren't even pregnant yet. We want to really like the next name. We're going to start going through the name book soon and writing names down. It's funny, we're kind of doing this in reverse. Isn't it usually your first baby who you plan excessively for? Who has a fully filled out baby book, complete record of "firsts," and albums upon albums full of chronologically ordered pictures?? Since Hailey was so unplanned, and we didn't want a baby at the time, we didn't do any of that. Her baby book is half filled out. I don't know any of her firsts, just general ideas of when things happened. We never even ordered any of her newborn pictures. It all breaks my heart now, to think about all that. I know it sounds bad, but it's like Hailey has been our "practice" baby and now that we have all the basic care things worked out we can put more energy into all the fun stuff with this next baby. It's exciting!