Friday, September 7, 2007

TGIF (Lots to say)

School is definitely back in session. Let me recap the events of yesterday for you.

First off, I woke up with tummy issues. I took some medicine the night before to try and, um, help things along (sorry if tmi) because my IBS was really acting up. Well apparently I took too big of a dose for me, because I spent the whole day yesterday running to the bathroom. I think I lost at least 2 pounds yesterday, it was horrible. On the way to work I was having such bad belly pains I almost had to pull over twice. That issue just laid the groundwork for my crappy day.

Add to that the fact that I’m exhausted. I haven’t been able to get much sleep lately, again. D’s home less, which means I’m staying up late again to spend time with him when he gets off work on the days he’s in town. And Hailey has a cold, so she hasn’t been sleeping well. Last night I tried for over an hour to get her to sleep. I read her like 5 books, falling asleep myself in the middle of each one. I tried rocking her with the lamp on and off. I tried rocking her in different positions. She was still wide awake an hour later at 9:45!! I was too tired I just couldn’t do it any longer. I had needed to do so many things, like take a shower, do a load of laundry so I’d have jeans to wear today, scoop the litter box, unload and reload the dishwasher and get that running. Finally I put her in her crib awake, and told her very firmly to lay down. When I turned the light back off she popped up her head and started to stand up, and I told her to lay down again very firmly, so amazingly she did. I crept out of the room. I got on the internet for a little bit to give her time to fall asleep without me making any noise in the house and she actually didn’t make a fuss, she just went right to sleep, thank God. Of course by that time I’m in a horrible mood, so when D gets home I’m less than friendly and so busy running around the house trying to do things when I’m so stinking tired that when he tried to stop me to give me a hug I just blew up at him to get out of the way so I could shut the door to the laundry room because the contents in the dryer were banging around loudly and I did NOT want to wait Hailey up. So he went and sat in the recliner and pouted. I told him to quit pouting, that I was not in the mood. I told him I was so pissed off, I was even pissing myself off. I feel absolutely horrible about it. When he first got home he admitted to me that he’s so stressed right now about school. Apparently his botany labs are absolutely mandatory to pass the class, and he’s going to be gone for the first half of them because of golf tournaments. As of right now we don’t know what this means as far as him being able to pass/fail that course…and he has to have that course to graduate at the end of the year. He’s stressed about trying to handle everything…golf, school, us. Especially now that we are doing so well. And I made him spend so much time with Hailey the past month that’s he’s fallen in love with her just like I knew he would. That sounds bad. He always loved her. But he wasn’t infatuated with her like I am. Where I think about her all day, think every single thing she does is absolutely the cutest thing in the world (well except her stinky poops, while necessary, those are not cute)…and now he craves time with her, he asks me about her all the time, constantly comments on little things she does that I’m used to that he’s finally noticing. He knows now how I have felt for the past year. And it’s killing him to be away from her. It makes it that much harder to be away to these tournaments, that much harder to be out of town at school all day and practice all evening when his little girl is only 30 minutes away… I just feel so bad for him, and here I was so exhausted last night I couldn’t even muster up the energy to be NICE to him. To comfort him. I just went to bed, told him I was sorry that I couldn’t be in a better mood, and passed out immediately. I just hope the rest of the season goes by really fast. I hate knowing that my husband is stressed…he’s not the type to get stressed about anything. So when he is, you know it’s a big deal. He’s trying so hard to get through school with good grades, while trying to do well for the golf team and support his family all at the same. This situation is hard for all of us. I’ve got to try really hard to keep things organized and running smoothly this next 8 months or so, and try to make sure we stay in good spirits. This is his last year, we need to make the best of it…it’ll all be over before we know it, and we can finally have the normal life we want so badly!!!

I woke up in a bit better mood this morning, thank God. All the things I need to get done today are not helping my stress levels…I’m a bit anxious about getting everything done. I need to get all of D’s tournament clothes washed. I am determined to make him some cookies to be a good wife and cheer him up a bit. One of my very good friends whom I have known for 15 years (these are the family friends that we used to live next door to) is having her bridal shower tomorrow. Which means I have a whole list of things I need to do tonight to prepare. I have to make sure Hailey’s outfit fits. I have to find her a pair of brown shoes to go with it because the pair my friend gave me that perfectly match it are of course a whole size too big for Hailey’s tiny feet. I have to find myself something to wear…I don’t have any clothes appropriate for the occasion…I have either too casual or too dressy. Oh and I have to buy a gift! I haven’t had time to do that yet. And I really need to repaint my toenails. Hopefully I can get everything done and get a decent night’s sleep.

Ok I have to mention the tattoo drama from last night. My sister met me at home after I got off work last night. We went downtown to the nice tattoo place to make our appointments and put down the deposits. Next Friday, the 14th at 8:00 and 9:00 pm. We went by the pet store, where Hailey was supposed to see a bunch of “mammals”(animals) but everything had been sold except the fish which was weird. Then my sister didn’t want to stand and look at fish, so after not even 5 minutes she picked Hailey up and carried her to the front of the store! Honestly that ticked me off. She promised to let her look at animals, and then only wanted to let her glance at the fish and she was having a blast talking to the fishies and jumping up to see the ones in the high tanks. Anyway we left, me promising to set up Hailey’s tank at home really soon. We went home and D came home for dinner. I told him we’d set up our appointments for the tattoos. He flipped out. I mean bad. He was so mad. Yelling at me that he told me he didn’t want me to get one, throwing a few choice words in here and there. I was shocked, I had no idea he felt THAT strongly about the situation. My sister got really mad. The deposits are non-refundable! But I called the place and they said as he hadn’t drawn anything up yet we could have our money back no problem. Thank God. So we loaded in the car and D left for work, and I had to look stupid and walk back in that place to get our refund. I felt so stupid about the whole thing. I was hurt at the way D handled being upset with me about it. He still won’t tell me why he doesn’t want me to get one, only that he doesn’t want me to. I did want it, because of the meaning…but if he feels that strongly about it that’s fine, I won’t do it. I just wish instead of barking profanities at me he would have told me calmly and explained why. I know he only reacted so badly because he was stressed. Under normal circumstances he wouldn’t have handled it that way. It was just a big mess, more drama I didn’t need. I’m not really upset about not getting it. I was looking forward to it, but oh well. I don’t really care. This way, we can save the money up for something else.

Speaking of saving money up for something else. I’m trying to decide what to do about Hailey’s sleeping situation. She’s getting so big, and I’m so small, it’s getting harder and harder to rock her to sleep at night. Her legs hang off my lap. I feel like she just can’t be comfortable. I can’t help but think if I could only lay her in bed and either lay down with her(if she had a twin bed) or sit on the floor next to her toddler bed, and read to her that way…that way I wouldn’t have to get up and put her in bed once she did fall asleep, I could just creep out of the room. But is she ready for a toddler bed? She still fits perfectly fine in her crib. And it’s just lately that she hasn’t been going to sleep well while I rock her. I’m going to wait another week or two and see if things get better, but I’m seriously thinking about moving her to a toddler bed before she turns 2 like we’d originally planned. She needs to start learning now how to go to sleep in her own bed, instead of me having to rock her every night. I feel like if I start early, weaning her away from the rocking now, maybe she won’t have such a tough time with it since she’s still so young? Does anyone have any thoughts/advice on this? Babyhood and all the issues that come along with that phase I think I have down…toddlerhood is a whole different story…I feel like I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, all over again!

Changing subjects again…I like to think I speak well. Aside from the occasion wrong word usage or a tad bit of improper grammar, I think I do ok. Yes I use words like “ya’ll” and “ain’t” in everyday conversation. But sometimes I go a bit too far…maybe I’m a little overly emotional? Or overly tired? I don’t know…but there are moments (like last night) that remind me I am a good ol’ small town country girl at heart. My grammar slips, and I start using words like “dudn’t.” As in “He dudn’t know what it’s like…” It sounds right at the time, and then I think back on it later and think LORD, what does that even MEAN?? Why couldn’t I have just said “doesn’t?” I must have sounded like an idiot!

Sunday I am supposed to go to a bridal show with my sister and stepmom. I was excited to go before my sister told me her latest news. She’s moving to CA in the next few months. Which means they’ll be getting married in a courthouse once she gets there so they can live in base housing for free. They’re planning on having a real ceremony a couple years from now, when they are able to move back here. The problem with this is…I know that won’t happen. My sister is planning in her mind this huge ceremony with everything, the fancy dress, food, flowers etc. etc. If they get married at the courthouse, people are going to think it’s silly of them for having a ceremony 2 years from now…and I have a strong feeling that they’ll think it’s silly as well, and not necessary. So I’m going to this show Sunday, spending time away from Hailey and the other things I need to be doing…and I highly doubt she’s ever going to even have a real ceremony. So I’m just a tad bit irritated at that. At least I will get plenty of cake samples. I’m telling myself the cake makes it all worth it…right???

Alright well I think I’ve said enough for one post…better end it here.

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