I’m having one of my “I suck” days where I’m very down about everything. I’ve been worried about Hailey all day(she’s finally feeling better btw, even talked to me on the phone and said “mommy!” and gave me a phone kiss—totally brightened my bummer of a day)…but I have these days every now and then where everything just snowballs and I end up feeling very crappy about myself and very down about my life. Hailey can’t tell of course, because I try not to let her see me upset. But I feel it. It makes the day very long. Today I’m feeling like nobody likes me and everybody thinks I’m annoying—minus my boss, who I can commiserate with about the crud in the office. My husband’s being a turd. terd. How in the world do you spell that. I have a headache…probably from stress. Money can kiss my ass…we don’t have any and I’m tired of it. Well that’s not true, we have some. But I’m sick of worrying about it. I wanna be the girl with the most cake. Damnit. I’m tired, so that just makes it worse. Why am I so tired this week? Well I was bad, I got busy a couple weeks ago and forgot to refill my prescription for my heart pills. Then I forgot to pick them up once I did refill them. Then I forgot to remind my husband to get them, when he was supposed to pick them up. Long story short…I’m back on them now, and my body’s having to get used to them all over again. Plus side, my heart has calmed down. Down side, I’m OH.SO.TIRED. Like go to bed at 9 wake up at 6 and still feel like I can’t move, tired. Like falling asleep on the bathroom floor when I should be getting ready for work tired. OH! Like being pregnant tired! Yea that’s what it feels like. Like my body just can’t move. I have no energy to even get up and go to the bathroom or get myself a glass of water. But I push through it, and I’m hoping it’ll go away soon. So back to my misery…I’ve even been thinking about shutting down the blog lately. Nobody really reads it, except for a few…and I really do feel like I bore people to death. I think I’m really the only one that cares about my day to day ramblings. I know nobody’s as interested in my kid as me. Should I just write a journal in a notebook instead? Is it really ok to air my dirty laundry to the world? Can you tell I’m not myself today? Today I have issues. Like I said. I’m having an I Suck day. I’m also really achy today which doesn’t help anything. I got a pissy email from a co-worker too. Nice huh. Glad I have my own office now, so I can sit here and wallow in my own pissedoffedness w/out too awful many interruptions. I went and picked up lunch with my boss today…we didn’t want to eat what everybody else was eating for our special “birthday lunch” day. I told her I knew everybody was talking about us while we were gone. They made jokes when we got back. So ridiculous. Normally it wouldn’t matter to me, because I really don’t give a crap if shiny-happy-girl (read: bitchy-hormonal-highandmighty-girl) likes me or not. Or if they think I’m overdramatizing the fact that I have stomach issues and can’t eat smoky barbecue…but today, on my I Suck day, it did bother me. They don’t know me, they shouldn’t judge me. But whatever. Tired of my ramblings yet? I’m thinking out loud, I’m afraid. See, this is why I’m thinking of shutting down…UGH I hate these days.
Hm, as I’m writing this on Word to transfer over to blogger, I’m thinking of not even posting it. I think I just needed to get my thoughts out. Oh well.