Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Newfound hope

Hailey had a really good night last night. No tantrums. I repainted her toenails—I’m loving this!! She actually sits and lets me paint them while she watches her movie. Which is another nice thing lately…she’s getting into movies, yay!

Aunt Lee and Cousin R came over last night and we went to Home Depot(to return the infamous SpotBot, for 50$ less than I paid for it because I don’t have a receipt, even though it’s defective!!) and Taco Bueno(where Hailey pigged out on cheese sauce even though it’s spicy!) and she was really good. She did fall and get yet ANOTHER bruise…this time on her cheek, from a chair leg. My poor little girl looks like I beat her. Seriously I’m glad her dr. appt was LAST week or they’d probably be calling DFS on me! She’s really starting to talk a lot more recognizable sentences now, which is really cute and exciting!! She also fell asleep while I was reading the book Love You Forever to her tonight(which is really sort of an odd book, but it makes me cry every stinking time!!), which was so nice and peaceful. It was a really good night. Gave me courage and hope, that I can deal with this phase of her life…I just have to be patient, sweet and loving with her…I realized it must be frustrating to her too, to be stuck in the middle like that and not know how to deal with it…to have these new emotions she doesn’t know what to do with, to only half be able to communicate and not be able to tell us exactly what she wants/needs sometimes…to not understand the way the world works just yet, and WHY OH WHY can she not stick her hand in the VCR or run off in the grocery store. We’ll get through it. I’m feeling much better about everything today.

Note: Hailey has gotten a bump/bruise/scrape of some sort every single day since this past Friday. She’s also learning to run.

Also, D and I are doing better. I can tell he’s really putting forth more effort to be lovey towards me, and I’m really putting forth the effort to include him in our family again. I realized that to a certain extent the situation was my fault. I was telling my mom about Hailey’s day instead of my husband. I was frustrated when ANY of his things were left out at home, but yet my crap and Hailey’s crap are piled everywhere. I would feel angry if I woke up in the morning to a few wiskers in the sink or a milk cup beside the couch, even though I’ve told him a million times those things bug the hell out of me. Then last night I was sitting on the toilet watching him shave…and I realized ok he lives here too. How crappy has he felt these past few months, me getting increasingly more strict towards him and griping at him constantly…I know exactly how he had to feel. Because that’s exactly how my mom started treating me before I moved out. All my stuff had to be in my room, nowhere else in the house or it was a “huge mess”…she griped if I forgot and left a cup out overnight…she griped at my schedule etc. etc….just like I’ve been doing to D. I don’t know why…I just know I really started pulling away from him and it got to where he didn’t feel much like part of the family anymore. I think it’s because he’s gone all the time because of school/golf…and I was trying to rely on him after Hailey was born and I realized I couldn’t because he’s not around much…so I went the extreme opposite and made it to where I didn’t need him at all. Which is really sad. So…we’re working on it. I told him I’m going to have the sitter write down Hailey’s day from now on. She usually just writes in on a dry erase board and verbally tells me things…but I’m going to have her write stuff down now, including what she ate, her naps, cute things she did, owies, etc. So he can read it at the end of every day. So I won’t forget to tell him things. He liked that idea. And we’re going to get out more together, as much as we can with his schedule being so packed. Yes he needs to spend time with Hailey, but we also need to spend time together too. And speaking of Hailey, he’s been really making a point to spend time with her each night, as long as he can…even if it’s only 10 minutes before he has to go to work. And we can already tell a difference. I think how she treated him last Friday really made him realize that he needs to work on his relationship with her as well. So hopefully over the next couple months things will get even better, with us all really making an effort.

Today has been a better day at work so far too. Still VERY bored…still nothing to do…but everybody seems to be in better spirits today, and even highandmighty girl has spoken very nicely to me and apologized about something that happened. Let’s hope the day continues this way, and that Hailey has a good day at the sitter’s and we all have a good night tonight!!

This morning in the car Hailey was getting frustrated with the sun. She is not really fond of sun in her eyes, yet she won't wear sunglasses. I don't blame her, I'm the same way. Anyway she's taken to trying to boss the sun around. This morning from the backseat..."No ite! Eyes! No ite!!" Which translates to "No light, you're hurting my eyes!"

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