What now

Well we were approved for the loan, but not the amount we needed. They are giving us about 6500$ less than we NEEDED to pay things off...that doesn't include the extra amount we included to hopefully get my car looked at since the brakes are grinding, and some to put in savings for an emergency cushion. Also, they're giving it to us in 2 installments, the first of which is on the 5th, the 2nd not til the end of January! So I'm not sure what to do. We're behind on multiple things, so it's not like I can just take the 1/2 we get on the 5th and pay a few things off and then wait til the next 1/2 that we'll get the end of January. We needed the full amount NOW. I could have maybe even made it work even though they are shorting us 6500$, if they were giving us the full amount now. I just don't know what to do, I don't know where to go from this point. It's better than nothing, and I am VERY thankful for that. But I was hoping so bad that this would be the solution to our problems and that in a few weeks I would be free from this huge burden, free from all this stress, and finally able to be happy and focus my energy completely on my family. I KNEW it just couldn't be that easy. At least we weren't completely denied. But I really don't know what to do to make this work now. We need a miracle.

High hopes

It seems like all I can think about lately is getting this loan. Our future is riding on it. My sanity is riding on it. We need this. I'm not sure how long the process takes, and the status won't be updated online til it's been fully approved. So in the meantime I'm going crazy...with hope and worry...I'm trying to think positive, but I can't help but feel like it just cannot be this easy. God I hope it is.

I'm trying not to let thoughts of our situation consume me...

~Hailey has been sleeping wonderfully in her new big girl bed. It's working out wonderfully! If she wakes up at night from a nightmare or teeth pain or whatever she may wake up for, I can just go lay in bed with her for a few minutes and she drifts right off to sleep. She is, however, still refusing to nap for us on the weekends. I think she's just too excited about being with us all day, since she's at the sitter's all week. But she does love her big girl bed, and shows it off to anyone that comes to our house.

~Hailey FINALLY got 3 more teeth, and I think more are on the way! Yay for being able to chew food!(we've figured out she pretty much just swallows stuff whole, like noodles or peas or whatnot)

~We have a fun thing to take Hailey to tonight where she can make art projects and keep them. Hopefully she'll be in a good mood for that!

~Halloween is coming up. Hailey is going to be so cute in her little ballerina get-up, even if we couldn't afford the long sleeved onesie like we'd originally planned.

~I found some Gerber fleece sleepers on sale at Target this weekend for 7.99 for a 2-pack! Yay for Hailey being warm at night!!

~My husband is working a little more, studying harder, and helping me out around the house a bit. He has also been telling me how much he appreciates me, and how hard I work and how I handle everything so well. He's also making an effort to really understand our financial situation.

~I finally got some photos printed of Hailey and other things. Last night I was able to update Hailey's photo album w/ animal pictures from the zoo, rainbow and balloon pictures...put a photo of Hailey in a frame that I've had for months...almost complete a big collage frame (I just have one 5 x 7 spot left now!)

~I've started reading a new book, which is really good so far. It's called Little Earthquakes, by Jennifer Weiner. It's a fiction book about a handful of women and their different experiences with being a new mother. ~We get to go see one of my favorite comedians of all time this weekend! I cannot believe I am finally getting to see him in person, after all these years. He's getting really old and crotchity now, so I hope the show lives up to my expectations...I'm sure it'll be great, and I can check that off my "Things I must do in my lifetime..." list!

These little distractions have helped me keep my mind off the bigger picture for now. Nonetheless, it still keeps creeping back into my thoughts. I just pray that we hear something soon, and that the news is good, so we can take care of this and move on with our lives.

I'm a big kid now!

Thanks for the suggestions on yesterday's post! Well it's official. Hailey spent her first night in her big girl bed! It was a total success. Now if only EVERY night will be like last night! :) I haven't completely baby proofed the room yet...I mean I made sure all the outlets are plugged, put stuff up higher, took her trash can out of the room and things like that. But I need to take all her toiletries that are now hidden behind her crib into the bathroom and things like that. I put a gate on the door so she can't wander around all by herself if she does wake up. All I had to do was lay down with her for less than 10 minutes and she was out! She woke up at 6:00 this morning and went to her door and fussed. I'm sure she just woke up a little and got confused on where she was. Anyway, so it turned out ok. I even figured out the bed rail that my mother in law bought me yesterday. It works great!

She's still really fussy & cranky however, and she's still not eating much. I will admit I don't really have the patience for constant whining and fussing. It really grates on my nerves. :( I know she's still not feeling great, and I know her teeth have to be bothering her too, but I can't help but think she's learning some of this fussy behavior from the sitter's son who is 2 months older than she is. He is ALWAYS throwing a fit or fussing. Literally every time I see him. It's hard because I don't want to ignore her if she's not feeling well of course, but at the same time I don't want her to learn that fussy behavior is the way to get everything she wants! Any suggestions???

D is supposed to get his student loan app. mailed off today!! Wish us luck...

I updated the post below with a few pictures. Some were on my mom's camera, I'll have to add those tonight!

Busy busy busy **UPDATED W/ PICTURES!!**

We've had a LOT going on lately...where to begin?? First off, part of why I've avoided posting is I haven't been in the best of moods. We've hit a pretty major financial crisis and aren't really sure how to dig ourselves out. I had a meeting with a credit counselor Friday which did not go well. Basically we can't live on just my income alone. It's just not working. But D can't work more than 1/2 time, which is stretching it as it is. After the meeting I sat in the parking lot at work, crying to my sister in law on the phone. They've been through rough times as well. The rest of the day at work was pretty cruddy, and that night was even worse. D and I had a huge blowup over the phone...well mostly me talking calmly trying to explain everything to him to where he could understand it (finances are beyond him for some reason) and him yelling at me that he doesn't care about any of it. That night was a very low point in my life unfortunately. As of right now, we're taking my mother in law's advice and applying for a student loan through MOHELA. We started the process last night by getting D's credit pre-approved online. Now we just have to actually print off the application and go from there. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers(if you're the praying type)!

I pulled it together and got up the next morning to pack. We got everything together and got out of the house an hour late, but for once it didn't matter what time we got to where we were going! The car ride was un-eventful. We arrived at the Grandparents' house in St. Louis about 2:00. Hailey had a blast looking at the "skirls!" in the backyard. We got settled in, had a bite to eat(we were so hungry!--see paragraph above about financial crisis--that equals a lack of funds for quick take out) and began getting all purdied up.


We took some nice family shots in the very pretty backyard then we were on our way. We actually found the Cathedral with pretty much no problem, which is saying something for us small town folk not used to driving in downtown St. Louis! The wedding was absolutely beautiful. And surprisingly laid back/short! Everyone was dressed VERY nicely, tuxes and fancy dresses/outfits, but it wasn't snooty like I'd expected! Hailey was an absolute doll the whole time, sitting on my lap, not wanting to be down running around, talking quietly(no screaming!) and she even fell asleep for part of it!(So un-Haileylike!)



Afterwards we made our way to the City Museum to the Vault Room for the reception. If you ever get a chance to go to this place, please do! It is very neat, and they've got tons of stuff for the kiddos to play on! Here's an outside shot, showing all the stuff they have hanging off the side of the building(including a fire truck and airplane!) for the kids to play in! Sorry the pic is blurry...

And here's part of the play area inside, next to the Vault Room we were in...Hailey kept saying they were "stuck!":

We were worried the reception was going to be uncomfortable but we had a blast! They had waiters walking around with trays of hor deuvres(ok how do you spell that???) that were OH.SO.GOOD! Lobster rangoon, caramelized bacon, grilled shrimp, grilled shrimp cocktail, mini-quiches, chicken quesadillas, chicken skewers, ginger/sesame beef skewers, fruit skewers, crustini w/ mozzarella and tomato, pita toast w/ some sort of cream cheese spread...I know I'm forgetting something. We were stuffed! They also had open bar, which means I drank about 4 cokes (I did have 1 little glass of champagne, which they carded me for--I'm just not a big drinker) and 2 cups of coffee.
Centerpiece:

Favor(Very neat idea!):


She also tied me to the chair:


And hid under the table:


Hailey got down and boogied on the dance floor, which was a huge shocker...she dances at the sitter's but I've never see her get down like that before! It was so cute. She wanted me to dance with her (I'm SO not a dancer). Dan took her over into the museum part and took her down the ginormous slide a few times, which she LOVED. The favors at the reception were very neat! Our family friends, whose daughter was the one that got married, hung out and talked to us all night...we were pretty surprised they didn't mingle with all the other people! All in all, it was a great night!

After the wedding we went back to the Grandparents'. I read a few books lying next to Hailey in bed and turned out the light. She fell right to sleep. I, on the other hand, lie awake for hours w/ my mind running non stop. Mostly about our financial issues...partly because we were in a different place, partly from all the caffeine from the reception(not a good idea Erin!), partly because my pillow was incredibly lumpy(note to self: never go on a trip w/out my own pillow again!), partly because they don't use the air conditioning much so the cold fresh air blowing in the window right above my head was killing my sinuses...oh and my daughter decided to head butt me a couple times right in the nose, and kick me repeatedly...when D came to bed we talked for about an hour about what to do on the whole financial issue. I maybe got 2 hrs. of sleep that night tops. Seriously. I woke up the next day at 8:00 to Hailey staring me in the face saying something about up and papa and skirls. My face was puffy, my eyes were insanely dry...but I was so glad to be where I was at. Papa hopped up right away and started making us breakfast. My mom got up about 9:00 and joined us. We had yummy coffee, pancakes, turkey bacon, and orange juice. D snoozed away while the rest of us ate. I was in such a fog, all I remember then was crawling back in bed with D and sleeping for another 2 hours until I got up at noon. I knew Hailey was in good hands and didn't need me, and I took advantage. I woke up feeling a bit better and we had lunch(roast beef w/ veggies, fresh fruit salad, iced tea and my yummy brownies I brought w/ some cookies and cream ice cream!). Then we all got ready and headed to the Zoo. Hailey was a CRAB.APPLE oh my...hitting people in the face that would try to talk to her, not wanting to look at the animals, sometimes not even wanting ME! I was so embarrassed. Eventually she loosened up a bit. I could tell something was off, since she wasn't eating much and wasn't napping well. But it turned out ok. I did have a mini-crisis though...as we were walking into the giant bird cage I noticed my nose was running like crazy all of a sudden. I couldn't grab a tissue fast enough so I put my hand to my nose(I know, ew) and was shocked to pull it back and see blood. Huge amounts of blood. I have never had a bloody nose in my life!! Papa took Hailey off to see the birds while I freaked out and soaked tons of tissues. FINALLY it stopped and we were able to have a good time. Hailey rode the train for the first time and loved it. "My train! Toot toot!!" She fell asleep on the way back to the Grandparents'. We packed up the car and headed home. Hailey woke up as we were just pulling into our town and started crying for her Memaw. She didn't get to say goodbye :o( None of us, my mom included, wanted to come home!

Unfortunately we couldn't get Hailey to settle down that night. She still refused to eat, and would not fall asleep while I rocked her. Finally about 12:30 am I gave in and put her in our bed. She fell right to sleep. D put her in her crib at 2:30. I called work yesterday morning and told them she wasn't feeling well so I was letting her sleep in and I'd be in when I could. I ended up being home all day. It was a day of HUGE tantrums, refusing to wear any clothes even though it was freezing, diarea leaking all over my living room/dining room/hallway and bathroom floors...oh, and all over me! Yea, that was great... then last night she refused to let me rock her again. I had to lay her in our bed, where she fell asleep immediately. She woke up when D tried to put her in her crib at 1:30. Which leads us to another thing going on in our lives at the moment...the transition to a regular bed. I knew it was coming. And now it's become an absolute necessity. She's getting so big, and I'm so small, that it's hard to rock her comfortably anymore. She wants to lay down. But she doesn't want to lay in her crib by herself. My mom is giving us her twin daybed. Now I just have to come up with enough money to buy one of those rails that folds down so I can lie in bed with her at night and read to her. She absolutely CANNOT sleep with us from now on. We get NO sleep. And she didn't even sleep very well last night either. It's just not good for any of us. My mother in law (bless her!) is taking me out to lunch today and she's supposed to buy us some ink for our printer at home. I'm going to see if I can either trade in the ink for a set of bed rails for Hailey, or maybe ask for an advance on Christmas! LOL We'll see. I am VERY excited about lunch though. I've only had lunch with her one other time and it was so much fun! She's picking me up even...she knows I HATE driving. She really can be such a sweet woman! So, wish me luck on this issue...and babyproofing her room. Any advice on what to look out for/what they like to get into/any safety issues I need to watch out for????????? Seriously I need the advice, and fast! :o)

In other news, Hailey is learning her colors. She's doing pretty well so far. Also, she used to "count" to ten with out help...we'd say "one" and she'd say "two"...we'd say "two" and she'd say "tee"...but now, if you ask her to count to ten she does it on her own! Not fully yet, but she's getting the idea! She'll say "one, two, tee, six, nine, yay!!!" It's too cute.

I'm getting very excited about the up-coming holidays! Hailey has her first ever Halloween party at school this year! I'm taking off early to go. Also, we're having a huge family Thanksgiving with my in-laws in KC this year! We've never been to their house, and haven't seen them in ages! We're really excited about that. I'm also excited because we get more time off from work here than I did at the other place! 3 days for Christmas, which will mean a 5 day break w/ the weekend! Awesome!! Speaking of awesome, we taught Hailey to say it and she sounds so darn cute saying "awesome!"

You know you're a mom when...

All the moms out there need to check out THIS post from Jaime...

Photo Contest!!

Click on the photo contest button below and VOTE FOR ME!!!! PLEEEEASE!!!

**photo deleted as the contest is over**

The one and only picture of Miss Hailey!! Talk about waiting til the last minute! This is my entry is this photo contest!! My Miss Hailey, a whole year ago!! She was exactly 6 months old. What a different a year can make!!! From the Pumpkin Festival last year, a yearly tradition in our family!

Things I love on a cold day...

~Hot tea~

~My mom's homemade veggie stew~

~Comfy warm sweatshirts~

~My big fluffy blue robe~

~My heated lap blanket~

What do you love about cold days??

Finally some answers!

I’ve been so achy lately it’s been ridiculous. It’s a constant, every day thing, and by the end of the day most days my body is just throbbing. I had a test done a while back to test for the rheumatoid factor in my blood, and that came up negative (which means I don’t have rheumatoid arthritis). After that I got on WebMD and read up on the different conditions it could be. Psoriatic arthritis caught my eye, but WebMD didn’t have a whole lot of info on the subject. So as it’s been getting increasingly worse, I decided to try a different route, and found the National Psoriasis Foundation’s website.

I finally have some answers. Now not only am I almost 100% sure that I do in fact have psoriatic arthritis, but I also know the exact type of psoriasis that I have (I used to get a few spots here and there as a kid on my tummy or wrists, but since I was a teenager I only get a few spots here and there on certain spots on my scalp…nothing big, and unless I’ve told you I have it you would never know) and what triggers it. Surprise surprise, one of the things that can trigger a flare up is the use of beta-blockers. Which is exactly what I take to treat my heart condition. I would bet money that this is the reason I have had a constant flare up for oh I’d say a few years now…exactly the amount of time I’ve been on this medicine. In highschool and for a few years after, I’d get a flare up every now and then. Usually from stress or environmental factors etc. but nothing constant like this. So, now that I have some answers (finally!) the next step would be going to the dr. and getting this sorted out. Unfortunately, given our current financial situation, I can’t afford to find a rheumatologist and go about getting treatment. :o( So, I’m not sure what to do next. I’ll be looking into home treatments until I got something figured out. This is actually a very positive thing…I’m so glad to finally have some answers!

YES!!!

I'M GOING TO SEE CARLIN! YES!!! This has been on my list of "things I must do before I die" since I was a little girl!! Imagine my surprise as I'm sitting here with D watching TV tonight and we see a commercial that George Carlin is coming to OUR TOWN! I called my mom and woke her up, freaking out, and begged her for tickets for Christmas. I got online right away and got tickets before they sold out(it was so close, thank God we saw that commercial tonight!) and she's paying me back(I put them on a credit card, I know, BAD). I am so freaking excited, you don't even know! He is my favorite comedian EVER! He's so crude and just totally hilarious! I cannot WAIT!!

As posted on MSNBC.com

Infant cold medicine pulled off shelves
Oct. 11: NBC’s Robert Bazell has more on what parents need to know about potential misuse of cough and cold drugs.
Nightly News

Updated: 7:11 p.m. CT Oct 11, 2007
WASHINGTON - Give plenty of fluids and saltwater nose drops.

These old-fashioned remedies for treating colds in small children are poised to make a comeback now that drug makers have pulled cold medicines for babies off the market.

The move Thursday represented a pre-emptive strike by over-the-counter drug manufacturers — a week before government advisers were to debate the medicines’ fate. But it doesn’t end concern about the safety of these remedies for youngsters.


Thursday’s withdrawal includes medicines aimed at children under age 2, after the Food and Drug Administration and other health groups reported deaths linked to the remedies in recent years, primarily from unintentional overdoses.

A remaining question is whether children under 6 should ever take these nonprescription drugs.

Risk for preschoolers
Baltimore city officials filed a petition with the FDA — joined by the Maryland chapter of the American Academy of Pediatrics and prominent pediatricians around the country — arguing that oral cough and cold medicines don’t work in children so young, and pose health risks not just for babies but for preschoolers, too.

“Pediatricians are taught these products don’t work and may not be safe. Yet almost every parent uses them,” said Dr. Joshua Sharfstein, Baltimore’s health commissioner and a pediatrician, who blames ads that overpromise relief.

The challenge, he says, will be to convince parents to try old-fashioned methods, like suctioning out infants’ noses or using salt-water nose drops.

“If you can actually pull a booger out with a suction device, people can feel better,” Sharfstein said.


The Consumer Healthcare Products Association announced Thursday that manufacturers were voluntarily ending sales of over-the-counter oral cough and cold products aimed at infants. The list includes infant drops sold under the leading brand names Dimetapp, Pediacare, Robitussin, Triaminic, Little Colds, and versions of Tylenol that contain cough and cold ingredients.

CVS Caremark Corp. added that it would also end sales of CVS-brand equivalents.

“It’s important to point out that these medicines are safe and effective when used as directed, and most parents are using them appropriately,” said Linda Suydam, president of the industry trade group.

The American Academy of Pediatrics says in general the drugs shouldn’t be used for colds in small children.


Not effective at all
“This is not a situation in which pediatric data are lacking and we are unable to say one way or the other,” Dr. Jay Berkelhamer, the academy’s national president, wrote the FDA last month. In multiple studies, they have “been found not to be effective in this population at all.”

Lark Hackney of Anchorage, Alaska, said her two grandchildren, Taylor, 1, and Julius, 2, have had many colds.

“We go to the doctor if it’s gucky and it lasts very long, but a lot of times we just treat it with, you know, treat the symptoms fever or, you can buy good kids stuff over the counter now,” said Hackney, at the National Zoo in Washington.

She said they have used childrens’ cold medicines and neither has had a bad reaction.

The FDA is bringing its scientific advisers together Oct. 18-19 to debate the issues, but its own preliminary review concluded that very young children shouldn’t take some of these commonly used medicines. And while the FDA’s main focus is on children under 6, it also will ask if there’s evidence that these drugs work in children up to age 12.

FDA praised the drugmakers’ withdrawals Thursday as important for protecting babies.

Weighing symptoms
For other youngsters, parents should understand that cold remedies treat only symptoms, they don’t make viruses go away any faster, stressed FDA pediatrician Dr. Dianne Murphy, who urged parents to consult their pediatricians.

“What’s the risk? That’s what this whole meeting is about,” she said. “You need to weigh is that symptom that important to treat.”

Most coughs shouldn’t be suppressed — that’s how the body clears the lungs, she added. Low-grade fevers are how the body fights infection.

Maureen Javers of Silver Spring, Md., likes to let colds play out unless a doctor says her children, Declan, 3½, and Evelyn, 1, have an infection.

“I don’t really like to medicate them if they don’t need to have the medicine,” she said.

Health groups say that while low doses of cold medicine don’t usually endanger an individual child, the bigger risk is unintentional overdose. For example, the same decongestants, cough suppressants and antihistamines are in multiple products, so using more than one to address different symptoms — or having multiple caregivers administer doses — can add up quickly. Also, children’s medicines are supposed to be measured with the dropper or measuring cap that comes with each product, not an inaccurate kitchen teaspoon.

And, since “the medicine isn’t doing what the family wants, instead of giving as directed every six hours they give every four hours or every two hours,” says Dr. Basil Zitelli of the Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh, who sees such children in the emergency room. “What they in effect are doing is poisoning their child.”

What to try instead? Pediatric and public health groups recommend:

Plenty of fluids and rest.
Suction bulbs to gently clear infants’ clogged noses. Saline nose drops loosen thick secretions so noses drain more easily.
A cool-mist humidifier in the child’s bedroom.
Acetaminophen or ibuprofen, as recommended by your doctor, to alleviate pain or discomfort — but check that they don’t contain extra ingredients.
Some chest creams can ease stuffiness with menthol or other fragrances, but check labels for age restrictions.
The Associated Press and Reuters contributed to this report

Positives!

This little boy can brighten any day! Christina over at Prince Vince Meets the World is having another contest! Check it out!

Ok

I'm ok now. I'm pretty much just not dealing with the situation right now. I can't emotionally handle it. If that's unhealthy, oh well. It's all I can do right now. I've got enough on my plate at the moment. Focusing on the positive now...

No more drama, PLEASE

It's horrible when you have to censor your PRIVATE blog, because you find out a member of your very own family has major issues. I was so afraid of crazies out in the world...it turns out I didn't have to go very far to find one.

I feel like I might have a panic attack. I have so much to do at work, people demanding things of me left and right. All our money issues, my sister's stressful wedding...and now this. Will my life ever be normal? I kind of feel like my world just came crashing down. I have to find a way to deal with this, and keep things normal for Hailey's sake. I don't want her to ever have to go through any of this. Or even know it happened. SIGH

Sorry such a bummer right now.

Just for today

So just as Hailey's starting to get over her little tummy bug, the sitter called me last night about 8:30. Her and her oldest son have pink eye! So she's closed today, and since I was home with Hailey Monday I could NOT take off work today. I'm already playing catch up(so WHY am I wasting time blogging???) Hailey's with my father in law today. I'm hoping she has a good day. There are a few things that I hope go okay, that usually don't when she's with them...
1. I hope she eats. She never eats well over there. She doesn't like what they try to feed her (read: junk food) and the second she acts like she's done they let her down to play instead of making her sit there and eat (sometimes you have to do that with her...once you redirect her attention to eating, she eats no problem!)
2. I hope she takes a nap. They don't rock her. She's been rocked her whole life. But because her cousin puts himself to sleep so wonderfully, they assume she will too, and that it's okay to let her cry herself to sleep. This really grates on my nerves. My baby should never have to cry herself to sleep. That is just not for us. Although my father in law DID ask me what time she usually goes down to nap during the weekdays, so that made me feel a little better. He said he didn't want to try to lay her down when she's not tired. So he scored some points there.
3. I hope she doesn't come home with an angry red rash on her nether-regions. They don't understand why they can't just use their wipes(heavily scented, soapy, etc.) instead of the ones I bring(unscented Parent's Choice--she has such sensitive skin). They also don't understand that you have to be quick about changing her. And with her having diarea right now...ok I'm just worried. But, it won't kill her.

She's going to have a blast, she's with her papa. She loves her papa. They're going to run errands, and go to McDonald's for lunch(she's never actually EATEN there before, we always bring her food! But that's the fun part about going to the grandparent's, right? Eating junk food and doing things you normally wouldn't do at home? RIGHT? I told him NO SODA...) and probably go see the stinky smelly dogs. And maybe even the horses. She'll have fun. I know she will. So why am I so worried??

Deceptively Delicious

Hailey has been throwing fits all day, so this is a rushed post...I'm home sick with her today...she's still not eating. I'm watching Oprah, which I never get to do, and I just have to share what today's show is about. They've got Jeri Seinfeld's wife on the show talking about her new book, Deceptively Delicious.



She purees veggies and hides them in things like brownies and chicken nuggets, even mac n cheese. Hailey is getting increasingly picky about eating veggies...she used to eat any and all and love them, but not so much now. I'm thinking of trying some of the ideas in this book! I just thought I'd share, I know how many picky toddlers there are out there! Of course I do think it's a good idea to try and teach kids to eat their veggies in their true form, but if they won't eat them they just won't, so this may be a pretty good solution!

Ok she's whining yet again for something, gotta cut this short...

Rubber ducky

Kristin, I thought of you when we bought this Thursday night! A portion of the proceeds went to breast cancer research. I know it's small, but every little bit helps right! It flashes different colors, it's really neat and Hailey loves it!

TGIF

Garth Brooks is comin to MO

D's favorite singer of all time is Garth Brooks. He was obsessed with him when he was a little boy. He even entered a Garth Brooks lookalike contest! HAHA!! We were just talking a couple weeks ago about how Garth might come out of retirement once his kids are grown and out of the house(this is what we'd heard). Imagine our surprise when last week we found out he's doing one concert and one concert only, in Kansas City! In the very state we live in! How cool is that? We HAVE to get tickets. D's dad already said he'd pay for them. So this Saturday I'm going to be at the computer at 10:00 sharp on Ticketmaster and D's going to be standing in line here in town. He got a special wristband to assure that he's one of the first 125 people to get a chance. That way he doesn't have to camp out overnight to get a good spot in line. I'm not as into Garth Brooks as he is, but I definitely want to go! So, hopefully everything turns out ok and we get tickets!!

Stuff

We're working on the credit counseling thing. Hopefully we'll get that ball rolling by tonight or tomorrow. In the meantime I am incredibly stressed trying to figure out what to do about our current situation. I hate being poor. D had better get a damn good job when he graduates in May to make this all worth it.

For now, I'll end today with a few products that I am loving lately...

First off, the Tide Pen. Seriously, it's as awesome as the commercials show. Hailey loves ketchup. Hailey also loves giving mommy hugs with ketchupy hands. The tide pen gets the ketchup right out. Yesterday at lunch I spilled pasta salad all over my shirt. The tide pen saved the day. One day I had to Tide Pen literally the whole butt of my khaki capris here at work. Huge soda stain from D's car seat. After it dried, the stain was gone. I could be a walking billboard for this product. I have been known to be carrying Hailey into Walmart in one arm and using the Tide Pen with the other hand...yea I'm cool like that.



I found this product on a shopping trip to Walmart a couple weeks ago. It's amazing. It's not as strong as juice, and it's just as thirst quenching as water. The whole bottle is only 35 calories, I know what all the ingredients are that it's made of, and it tastes great as well. I'm quite partial to this flavor, although they do make it in 3 others.



The last product for today is actually a baby food product from Gerber. I give it to Hailey to feed to herself with a spoon...we like it because 1. She thinks it tastes great! She loves all the flavors; and 2. It's so healthy for her, very basic ingredients, grains included(such as granola etc.) and as an added bonus it now has DHA in it!



Oh and I almost forgot...here is the dress my sister is buying for me to wear in her wedding! It's much prettier in person, I LOVE it! It actually fits me perfectly except in length...I have to get it hemmed up about 7 inches or so. I'm so excited to wear it!

Hopeful

Well my crappy day just got worse yesterday afternoon. I checked our bank account and realized that the bank had royally screwed us over. They held onto 6 little charges for gas and walmart and things like that for days and days, and then the minute 3 big charges(daycare, phone and loan pmt) went through and overdrew us they then sent through the 6 little charges. Very convenient for them, that made us owe then about 160$ in overdraft fees. They do this ALL the time. It's their way of making money. This is the 2nd time it's happened to us(we don't generally overdraw) but it's happened to many other people I know that use this bank! We were going to overdraw no matter what, but they should have cleared the 6 little charges first, then sent through the 3 big ones, in which case we should have been charges a whopping TWO overdraft charges instead of 6. But why would they do that when they could get an extra 100$ out of us? So needless to say I freaked. We're overdrawn by a large amount, and we were going to be short this paycheck anyway. Now we're royally screwed. I went in to talk to my boss and left work at 3. I picked up Hailey...she always cheers me up. My mom came over after she got off work and we talked about options. Basically our only option is credit counseling. It sucks because we're not in this situation because of overspending, we're in it because at my old job I didn't make NEAR enough to pay our bills every month, so our bills went on credit cards...and now that I make more I don't even make enough to cover our bills plus our minimum pmts on our credit cards! We're just getting in deeper and deeper. And I do feel like we're drowning at times, and I just can't take the stress anymore. It's getting worse as time goes on, and I really feel like we need to act now and get it taken care of. D and I talked last night and decided this is probably the best option for us. He's also going to go into work more, but that's hard until he gets this last tournament done with. For now I'm going to get the ball rolling on this credit counseling thing. So everybody please hope it goes well and things get worked out for us.

Also, my sister called me last night in a very happy mood. She was approved for credit w/ a store here in town and she's going to buy my dress and pay it off after the first of the year. She said she's sure that's what she wants to do. She picked out 3 dresses last night for me to try on, so I am going at lunch time today and trying on bridesmaids dresses! I shaved my legs just for this occassion HAHA Hopefully one of them will look decent on me!

Another good thing about today...I finally started my period, YAY! I was like 2 or 3 days late. I knew I couldn't be pregnant because since I missed that first couple days of the pack of pills I wouldn't let D touch me all month! I was overly paranoid about getting pregnant! I was still worried when I didn't start though, it just makes me nervous. So, thank God for that as well.

It's just not fair

I was excited to go to my mom's for lunch today and just sit and eat my nice lunch and read the last Potter over again(to get the details I missed the first time). First I spilled pasta salad all over my nice shirt(hope the oil comes out)...then my dad called. Have I mentioned I'm tired of weddings???? He called asking if my uncle could marry my sister but leave out all the "prayer and stuff or any references to God"...remember, my dad's a Jehovah's Witness(I'm sorry but they are all NUTS). I told him my uncle is a Baptist minister, and if he married A he'd be marrying her as such, not just some guy who's allowed to perform marriages. Just as if an elder from the Faith was to marry my sister, they would make SOME reference to their religion...of course he says "well they won't marry someone outside the Faith." I DON'T CARE. He said that was ridiculous that my uncle won't do that...I wanted to say "well it's ridiculous that they won't marry anybody outside the Faith!" but I didn't want to start THAT fire. He started going on about my uncle preaching false religion. BLAH! I'm tired of hearing it! So if that wasn't bad enough, then he decided it was the perfect opportunity for him to attack me personally. He started going on about how the wedding was just getting to be a huge mess because you know "people all of a sudden can't afford things"...I knew this was a direct reference to me, and I told him as much. I told him I am sorry that I am poor, and if my sister feels the same way then I don't have to be in the wedding! I know she's been stressed about the dress issue, and she's been still scheduling appointments with me to go looking at dresses even though I've told her I'm POOR, but I really thought she understood my situation. Apparently not. My dad said when she was in my wedding she had to buy a dress. HELLO, she was 18 years old, SINGLE, no bills, making over 14$ an hour! I didn't think it was a huge deal to ask her to buy her own dress, seeing as how I had a 3 month old baby, family bills and a wedding to pay for! I just lost it and started bawling and told him that I can't help it that I'm poor and if she doesn't want me to be in the wedding if I can't afford my own dress then I won't be in it, because I can't even afford to buy groceries or pay all our bills each month let alone spend 50 to 100$ on a dress for me and another 50 on a dress for Hailey! He said he has too much going on in his own life to worry about(which meant don't tell me your sob story I don't want to hear it). He said he didn't call to fight(in a very mean tone) and that he just wanted to know about my uncle. I told him "you need to find somebody else, my uncle will not leave his religion at the door just as you won't" and that was that, he said I love you bye and I hung up on him. I called my sister and told her I know she doesn't need any added stress right now but that I DO NOT appreciate him calling me and bitching me out, and that I'm sorry I can't contribute anything to the wedding except myself and my time but I had hoped she'd understand. She said she understood but that daddy and her mother were telling her if I wanted to be in the wedding I need to buy my own dress. Which really hurts, because I talk to my stepmom about our financial issues, a lot, and I thought she understood. And for her to go behind my back like that and basically say she thinks I'm lying about our situation...I'm so hurt. And I'm just done. They've noticed me pulling away from them over the last year, and they've quit even trying to pull me back for the most part. But they still continue to shit on me. Why could I not just have a decent dad, one that actually cared about me? I had gotten to a point where I wasn't letting him bother me. And he noticed. So now he's started taking personal blows at me. Which really hurts, when your own father tells you you're a liar, or that he hates you, or never wants to see you again and you're not his daughter. And then expects you to just forgive and forget when he wants to be friends again. I'm sorry but I can't forget, and I know you're supposed to forgive but I just can't. He's done so many bad things to hurt me in my life, and to hurt other people. He's not a good person, he's insane, he's manipulative, he's just...a horrible father. And as horrible as it sounds...it will be so much easier when he's just gone. So much less stressful, and that huge weight will finally be lifted off my shoulders. I don't want Hailey to EVER have to go through what I have gone through. Nobody should ever have to! And I'm hurting really bad today, from my head all the way down to my fingertips and toes...probably a combination of the weather and stress. My arms are aching the worst. I feel like I ran into a brick wall, my joints are just throbbing. I feel like I want to just leave work, go pick up Hailey, and hold her so tight all afternoon and not have to think about anything except coloring with chalk and hunting for spiders and leaves to step on. But she takes her nap in the afternoons from approximately 1 to 3 or so, so it would be pointless and selfish for me to go pick her up now. I called my mom and bawled to her before I came back to work. It makes her feel horrible that I have to feel this way, but it's comforting to know that somebody else knows EXACTLY how I feel. Thank God for her, that's all I can say. She's been my sanity over all these years...my normalcy. The reason I'm not TOTALLY screwed up :o) I just had to get this all out. My sister hasn't called me back. Hopefully she won't. I was supposed to go with her to find a different wedding dress tonight because her mom backed out on her, but at this point I do not want to spend time away from Hailey doing anything for ANYBODY. I'm tired of pleasing other people. I want us to come first.

Update

We've been really busy lately, I haven't had any time to post! I have been keeping up on everyone's blogs though...or at least trying to.

Hm, let's see, what's been going on lately....WEDDINGS...lots of them. This past Saturday night was the first of 4. Saturday morning I had a dress fitting for a wedding I'm going to be in in April. The next one is that of a good family friend in good 'ol St. Louie on October 20th. We have to stay overnight for that one, at D's grandparents' house. We'll see how that turns out...LOVE his grandparents, they are so incredibly sweet. But Hailey doesn't do so well with the whole sleeping thing at other people's houses. Which makes for a cranky toddler and also makes for a cranky mommy. But, my hopes are high that the weekend will go smoothly. At the wedding this past Saturday Hailey slept through the whole ceremony, like a little angel(well a little angel that snores very loudly anyway) which NEVER happens. For her to be asleep instead of up wreaking all kinds of havoc and being right in the middle of the action, is amazing. So the next wedding after the October one is in December. My sister is getting married December 8, and I continue to get daily phone calls from her where we talk all things wedding. She's really excited. I'm really excited...and very stressed. Then on to the last one...in April, 2 days before Hailey's birthday(talk about horrible timing). I think I've had my fill of weddings thankyouverymuch.

Well I spose I should update about Hailey. She's almost 18 months old, already! Where did the time go?? She's still a chatterbox. We've moved on to full sentences now. Which means less tantrums, since I can understand what she wants better now. Although she still mis-pronounces some words which makes it take a little longer to figure her out "What?!?! You want to watch your bitch movie??? WHAT?? Hailey point to the movie. Is it this one? Shrek? NO? Lion? WHICH ONE?? OOOOOOOOOOOOH, beach, not bitch. Alrighty then..." Luckily, she has some amount of patience with me, although she does give me looks of "DUH mom" quite often. I've found I really have to watch myself now, and my reactions to EVERYTHING. She's taken to growling the words "NO MOMMY!" whenever I'm doing something I shouldn't be. As in getting dressed in the mornings. Or doing something she would like to do herself. She bosses everybody around like this. This morning my mom and I had a whole conversation about how the Wii got turned on in the middle of the night. Did the cat brush up against it? Did the crazy neighbors break in just to play our Wii and so rudely left it on before leaving?? Is it possessed? My mom turned it off. And here comes Hailey, growling away, telling her no, and turning it back on. Apparently she likes the pretty blue lights. While she is definitely a sassy little thing, she is also very sweet and caring, and such a little girl now that it's just the cutest thing ever. She's obsessed with my shoes, and thinks all shoes are hers. She especially loves heels (and can walk surprisingly well in them!) We got her her very own pair of play heels(bright pink w/ feathers!) from the Dollar Tree Saturday and she was in heaven. She also loves going through jewelry boxes. She reminds me of myself when I was little. I loved going through my grandma's china cabinet and holding all the delicate little figurines, or going through my mom's jewelry box and trying on all the pretty things. She also loves makeup. When our compacts are empty we give them to her and she takes the brushes and dabs them on her face with such a serious look on her face. She loves putting makeup on mommy. She points and says "pitty!" She likes to play with my hair now as well. Sunday evening she "fixed" it for a good 30 minutes. Another very sweet thing she's started lately is touching my face and hair and patting me and kissing me just like I do to her. She will pat my cheek and rub my hair back w/ her face right in mine and say "mom-mee" and then give me a kiss and hug me. It's the greatest thing in the world. She doesn't care what I look like, or where we are or what's going on, she loves me no matter what and she loves to show it. Last night my mom hurt herself in the kitchen and I called out "Are you ok?" A while later she did it again and this time Hailey called out "Are you ok?" For the rest of the evening she asked all of us, including the cat, if we were ok. I absolutely love my little girl!

Christina's having a contest!

Christina over at Prince Vince Meets the World is having a contest! Check it out!