Monday, June 2, 2008

Huge sigh of relief

This weekend went AMAZINGLY well. I cannot begin to describe the effect it has had on me. I am thanking God over and over again that everything worked out the way it did and praying that things will continue and I won't have to go back to that "place" anymore where I'm just absolutely miserable and feeling like hiding in a hole somewhere.

Thursday night my husband and I finally talked. After 9 years. He FINALLY had a discussion with me and actually LISTENED to what I was saying. The basis of that being that we need him. I need him. I need the family I've always dreamed of. I can't be let down anymore because I just can't take it after all these years of being let down left and right. And Hailey needs her dad. Not an occasional playmate. At the end of the conversation I asked my husband "So what are your plans for tomorrow night?" fully expecting him to say "I'm playing golf with A" or something to that effect. But right away he said "Spending time with you guys." I was so anxious all day Friday. Would he blow us off, using the excuse that he just HAS to practice or HAS to do something else? After work I rushed home and Hailey and I played outside to keep us busy until he got home. It was past time for him to get home and I called...he was still working. Okay, I started to get a little nervous. He didn't seem to be in the greatest of moods. I called 3 times before he was finally on his way home. He got home, took a shower and then told us he was NOT going to the park because his allergies were going crazy. Ok, no problem. I cooked a big yummy dinner (chicken w/ italian dressing glaze, mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans) and then we headed out and picked up my mom and treated ourselves to some DQ. We all went to Walmart together after that and my husband did not gripe once, he was so patient. We bought a life jacket for Hailey and three new pillows for the cabin at the Lake (since I had to throw some of his parents' away that were MILDEWED, EW!!). The night went surprisingly well!

D had also promised to go with Hailey and I to the annual carnival in a little town near here where my family is from. I've gone every year for as long as I can remember, since I was a little girl. It's really special to me! He went with me a few times over the years and hates it. But after explaining to him how important it is to me, he agreed to go. I made him promise not to gripe while we were there and not to say "I told you so" when we left if it really did suck. We got there on time, about 11:30 am, and guess what...we had fun! Aside from Hailey getting incredibly cranky, it was a really good time. Hailey rode her first carnival rides ever, and all by herself even! I was so proud, but it was so baby is growing up!! We started with the carousel which she surprisingly did not want to ride...she LOVES the one in the mall...I made her ride it and she had a great time and loosened up. Then she wanted to ride the cars. They go in a circle on a track. I buckled her in the one she picked and explained that I had to go stand outside the gate with Daddy and she was going to ride the car by herself. When the ride started going the look on her face was priceless. It was a mixture of shock, surprise and seriousness. She really thought she was driving that car. She turned that steering wheel like crazy and kept looking back at the boy in the car behind her like he was just riding her WAY too close LOL it was so stinking cute! After that she rode the boats...the same type of ride but they go over little hills as they go around. She loved that as well. I'll try to add a video to this later of her riding them. She played the duck game and won a big blow up hammer and then I got to eat a pulled pork sandwich while Hailey munched on a bag of chips. She was pretty cranky at that point. D went and got me a peach dumpling, yum, and then he rode the big slide with Hailey...she rode the little train herself and then we left which of course Hailey was not happy about. She slept all the way back to town. When we got home we loaded up the car, I called and cancelled on my friend--the graduation party I was supposed to go to...I did not feel bad cancelling, this friend has let me down so many times I can't count--we loaded up the car and headed to the Lake! Hailey was so excited, she couldn't even sleep. We met our friends A, K and their baby boy L who were going with us. When we drove up to the cabin Hailey saw the Lake and said "Oh my GOD!" it was too cute. She LOVED seeing the boats go by and she even got right in the water! I was shocked! Sunday my father in law came down to install a new bathroom vanity and sink and our friends left (which I was actually really happy about...I just wanted time with my family) and we swam more and then fished off the dock. Hailey caught her first fish ever all by herself!! She cast, caught and reeled in this fish with no help from us and she was so proud of herself. Again, the look on her face was just priceless. She cast the line and reeled it back in numerous times w/ no result. It's fun for her. But D went and dug up some fishing worms and found a few tiny hooks...he was bound and determined to have her catch a fish. She plopped the hook down in the water and when that little bluegill latched on she was so surprised but she held tight to the rod and just watched in shock as the fish swam like crazy pulling out the line. I told her to reel it in and she started reeling and reeling and when she lifted the fish out of the water she was just so surprised. She couldn't believe she actually caught a fish. She even held it in her hands!!!! Til it flopped and she said "Mommy it spiked me!" and then she wouldn't touch anymore LOL She caught a few more, I got pictures of the 3rd one (I didn't have the camera for the first one!!). She wanted to keep fishing but it was time to load up the car and go. She hadn't had a nap all day and was VERY cranky. She fell asleep in the car before we even got out of the driveway and she slept all the way home, waking up at one point when she yelled in her sleep "DOWN! DOWN!" and then groggily asked me "Where'd Molly go?" (my father in law's yellow lab that she'd been playing with at the Lake--he does dog trials and stuff w/ her and Hailey LOVES to help him boss her around!) I told her Molly went home with Papa and she went back to sleep.

We ended the evening by playing some Mario Kart on the Wii. It was an absolutely amazing weekend. Much needed...I didn't even care that we were so busy. My mom said this morning when she called "I bet you feel like you didn't even get a weekend" and I told her that surprisingly, that isn't the case. I feel like I had a GREAT fun-filled weekend, and that I'm very happy to be home this week and start to pack and get Hailey to bed early and just have a normal week before another busy, fun-filled weekend! And we're already planning to go back to the Lake a few weekends from now, this time without our friends and hopefully with the boat which Hailey will LOVE!

This was a big weekend of firsts for Hailey...first carnival and carnival rides, first time at the Lake, first fun trip with D and I and she caught her first fish!!

It's amazing how much some good, quality family time does for my mood. I feel on top of the world. Even lunch in 30 minutes is making me happy...and packing tonight and doing laundry, I'm happy about that. All because I have my husband back and feel like I have a family again. My family is my world, it always has family now includes my husband and his family and hopefully now my husband realizes that...and hopefully now I can have the little family I've dreamed about my whole life.

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