Thursday, May 29, 2008

Hailey's sick. Up all night with a fever. This morning I had to clean up cat pee and poop from all over my house. Last night it was cat puke. My cat's sick too apparently. Tonight I have to go home and take care of my sick daughter while trying to do dishes and clean up the house and shampoo my carpets...while my husband goes to play golf.

I got to work late and missed most of a morning meeting because of all this. The snotty women I work with have been rude to me all day. Like completely acting like I'm not even standing there when I'm asking them questions, among other things. Nice. Talk about holding back tears.

I'm going to try to be MIA for a while which shouldn't be hard since I haven't had any free time at all lately anyway. Nobody gives a crap about my woe is me bull and the blog seems to be where I vent all my not so wonderful thoughts. It doesn't get many of the good things going on in my life because I don't have time to blog much so I tend to only do it when I really need to vent or when I'm really upset. I don't know why I feel like I need to write my thoughts down though. Like why am I writing this right now, I don't even know? It's like I'm just thinking out loud, which maybe I shouldn't do... I love reading everybody else's blogs when I have the time, but my life doesn't even compare. Nobody wants to read about one bad thing after another happening, hardly any happy moments, and me bitching about whatever. I'm sorry I've really tried to be okay with everything but it's just hard when the world is continuously shitting on me. I've TRIED to prevent stuff from happening, I've TRIED to work things out with my husband, I've TRIED to make work better, but it's just getting worse and worse. Nothing's working out. My marriage is in shambles, my family is in shambles, work is going badly at the moment...I feel like I just want to crawl into a hole and hide. I mean there are a few good things going on (like my mom being sought out for an awesome job and them giving her an offer she'd have to be an idiot to refuse--or looking forward to moving) but it's hard to focus on the good when I feel so overwhelmed by the bad. Especially when one of the bad things is my marriage pretty much being over and me being incredibly jealous of every woman that has a loving husband who actually spends time with his family. I take it one day at a time, that's the only way I'm able to get by. I feel like things are very fragile right now and could come crashing down at any moment. And I'm just not sure how to fix everything. I keep praying to God for answers but nothing's getting any better. I'm so incredibly confused about everything. I just don't know what to do. I just feel so hurt and so...lost.


Jaime said...
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Erin said...

Thanks Jaime.