Monday, April 7, 2008

I think I'm paranoid...

Ok so I can't avoid the topic any longer. It's starting to bug me and I've got to just get it out.

I'm probably worrying for nothing. But worrying seems to be one of the things I do best and the more days that go by the more worried I get about this topic.

Alright so don't think I'm nutty...

I'm afraid I'm pregnant. I feel crazy just typing that out. I started my pill pack exactly 1 day late. No biggie. Well then we did things a few times right at what would normally be my most fertile days if I wasn't on the pill (stretched over a period of a week)...and of course one of those nights towards the beginning of the week I went right to sleep and didn't realize I forgot to take my pills until the next night when I noticed the previous night's pill still secure in it's little bubble pack. I was sort of worried, but not really. It's only 2 pills, right?

Yesterday I was standing at the stove boiling some tea bags to make a pitcher of tea. My mom was warming up some pizza in the oven. I got a sharp needle-stabbing pain in my nether region (for some reason I don't like the word uterus...) that made me grab my lower abdomen and exclaim "Ow!" My mom asked "What was that all about?" I told her I just got a pain. So, no biggie, right? Except for the fact that I've only ever had that exact pain one other time in my life. Right at the time Miss Hailey was burrowing down in my uterine lining, making herself right at home. I told Dan about the pain last night when he called. He said something to the effect of "Wonderful." When it happened with Hailey, I was sitting on the couch with Dan and my little brother. We were playing Mario Party--my little brother was spending the night. I got the sharp, stabbing pain, grabbed my lower stomach, exclaimed "OW!" and had to stop for a second. I remembering saying "Well that was weird." And then a couple weeks later I got a positive test. My only comfort is that this time the pain wasn't as sharp. That and the fact that even though I did miss two pills, I am still on the pill.

I know the pains weren't ovulation pains because 1. I never have ovulation pains...this has only ever happened one other time in my life, when I got pregnant with Hailey. And 2. I had a completely textbook pregnancy with Hailey. I know when I got pregnant and I had her a day before my due date...when I got the pain was right at the time when all the books said the fertilized egg would be implanting.

And of course now I'm being a typical scaredy-cat, imagining that my lower belly is pooching out even more than usual (I bloated really fast with Hailey). I'm going back and forth with feeling okay with it (because HELLO I'm totally feeling the baby itch!) and then totally freaking out because it wouldn't be planned AGAIN and I know everybody would be so disappointed again and we don't have the money right now etc. etc.

Weird thing is, I'm sort of really feeling like I am pregnant. And that if I do start my period it was an early miscarriage. I feel totally crazy even typing that. But I just feel like I know. Maybe it's just my paranoia or my brain trying to prepare me so I won't be so shocked in the case that I am?? One thing's for sure...I will definitely take my pill each and every day from now on if I'm not! I will have learned my lesson!

This is what my belly looks like right now. (Ok each picture sort of makes my stomach look different??) So it's either that or WOW am I bloated like crazy!


Wendy said...

Holy certainly do look preggo little lady:) Better go get a test immediately!! LOL!!

Joanna (Mof2) said...

I am in agreence with Wendy...Get a test asap! And if your not, then drink you lot's of water to get rid of the bloat...It always works for me. It just takes a day or two.

Jaime said...

This might not be welcome news from me but...I knew I was pregnant with all my children before I took the test.

With Annabel it took 8 weeks for the light to come on (I was having periods) but with my other children I was either a day late or coming to the time to have my monthly friend and I just had that 'feeling'.

Let us know what's going on when you can! That could be a baby belly but you never know, I look like that after eating dinner most of the time! =)

Erin said...

I am the same as Jaime, I even had to reassure the doctor who thought I was crazy both times! Even if you do plan, they are never planned, and I should know, I "planned" both of mine! Plus, God's timing is perfect, no matter what we think AND you can NEVER "afford" them!

Kristin said...

OK, I'm almost 17 weeks pregnant & don't even look close to what your stomach is.

If you are, everything will work out just fine :)