Monday, August 4, 2008

Disturbing weekend happenings

The shower Saturday went really well. The games were fun, especially the melted candy bars in diapers one...the food was good, everything worked out great. I wasn't as social as I should have been, but oh well that's just me. I was exhausted from spending Thursday and Friday nights and Saturday morning doing baby shower stuff, then doing more shower stuff at my friend's house before the shower, and trying to keep her little twerp of a daughter from hurting Hailey was just the icing on the cake. Her girls are so bad! Her oldest, A, is going into 3rd grade this year. The other one is 10 months older than Hailey. They pick on each other non stop and in the middle of the circle of women at this shower they were actually wrestling with each other and almost landing on the 2 little boys of 2 of S's other friends! S doesn't get onto them at all other than to sound annoyed and say to them "You all stop it!" but they keep going and she just lets it happen! Finally we got the girls to go back in the bedroom and play, but I had to keep running back there because the youngest, J, continually picks on Hailey JUST TO HEAR HER CRY. I think she has major issues, personally. It just seems so...evil...the way she picks on Hailey. One time RIGHT in front of me, she shut Hailey's little fingers in a desk and pushed down and pushed down and I had to literally push her out of the way to get Hailey's fingers out. Saturday it wasn't so much the physical torment as it was the mental. Every single thing Hailey wanted to play with, J would take away. Hailey was being so sweet and innocent and she was so excited to go play with her friend J. And J has all these cool stuffed animals Hailey LOVED, but every single time she'd get that excited happy look on her face, grin from ear to ear, and pick up an animal...J would grab it and sit on it or put it behind her back JUST to watch Hailey cry. It was absolutely pitiful. I felt so bad for Hailey. At one point I had one of those really weird moments where I felt like if I hadn't gotten there when I did something bad would have happened. I couldn't find the girls and I could hear Hailey crying frantically. I found them shut in the baby's room, Hailey cowering in the corner under the crib and J had some sort of bar from underneath the back of the crib (metal tube like thing) in her hands blocking Hailey back there. I asked what the hell she was doing and she just mumbled something about the bar being from the crib. I told her to get out and I pulled Hailey from under the crib and explained that we don't play in that room. It was just an eerie feeling, to open that bedroom door and walk into a dark room and find my child blocked under a crib, her crying. I have no idea what she was trying to do to Hailey. I just thank God I got there in time. I was very hesitant about letting her play with J after that, but I had to finish the shower. At one point when S was opening her presents I was sitting on the couch next to her other good friend (mom to one of the baby boys I mentioned earlier) and she asked me if Hailey and J usually play well together. I kind of hesitated and said softly under my breath "Not exactly...J sort of...picks on Hailey." She very sarcastically said "OH MY, J?? NO WAY, imagine that!!" because she feels the same way about J as I do. Then not 10 minutes later, somebody asked S about the girls playing together and S made the comment in front of the whole group "They used to pick on each other SO BAD! Like torment each other just to torment! But they're doing really good now!" I was so mad when she said that! Ok Hailey is the bully at daycare, I will readily admit that. She bites the other kids because they take her toys, because they take her spot in line, or just because they looked at her wrong...even little A who's only a year old, or little M who is the sweetest little girl and wouldn't hurt a fly. We've had to enact a rewards/consequences routine now where what we do in the evenings solely depends on Hailey's performance at school that day, and it's working wonderfully. She's improved immensely...she loves being a good little girl and having Mommy so happy with her and getting to do fun things. She did have one slip up Friday where her and the sitter's son who is the same age as her bit each other. But it was a mutual bite, not something she did alone or innitiated. And she's only 2, she's not going to be perfect all the time. BUT...she has NEVER picked on J. J is like twice the size of Hailey, she's really tall for her age, and Hailey has NEVER EVER picked on this girl. So for my friend to tell all her friends and family that they picked on each other REALLY pissed me off. Especially since not 5 minutes later Hailey started screaming again. I ran down the hallway and she jumped into my arms, talking incessantly and incoherantly to the point of being manic. I have never seen her like that EVER. I finally got her to calm down enough to form real words and she told me "J said monsters were coming to get us in the bedroom!" Again, J had shut them in the bedroom in the dark. The whole time this was happening, J was standing there just watching Hailey with this intensely interested look on her face. It was so incredibly creepy. I was so pissed. We don't use physical punishment but I was THIS close to smacking that little twerp. I told her very firmly and meanly that we do NOT believe in monsters and there are NO SUCH THING as monsters. I calmly and nicely told Hailey that she knows there's no monsters, and Hailey, sobbing, still so upset, said between breaths "Just me and Mommy and Zoe and Daddy and Olga and Rory (her stuffed dog)" and she went on and on...that's what she does when she gets scared, I taught her to do that to remind herself that the only people in the house are us. No monsters. The poor, poor thing, my heart broke for her. I have never seen her so scared. From then on I wouldn't let her go back in the bedroom with J and we left soon after, as soon as we could. What made me even more mad is that when I heard Hailey's frantic screams my mom was back in the bathroom and J who is S's mom, told me "Oh she's fine, your mom's back there." I don't give a damn who's back there, when I hear my child scream like that I will run to see what's wrong! I am deeply disturbed by what happened there that day, and one thing is for damn sure...J will not be playing with Hailey anymore. It's sad because S is my oldest friend. But I won't have my child be tortured like that.

What makes all this worse is the fact that Hailey is fighting going to bed at night now. Saturday night she bawled, begging me to take her to Walmart to buy juice, or go on a walk, or watch movies...anything but make her go to bed. And then last night was even worse. She couldn't get to sleep, she tossed and turned, D tried laying down with her while I took a shower because she's been his little buddy lately, even that didn't work. She even asked to sleep with mommy and daddy in our bed which she NEVER does. I beg her to sleep with me when D's out of town and she refuses! Finally it was after midnight and I told her I'd turn her new nightlight on but that I had to go to bed. I told her to lay there and have "Boppy time" which is what she calls laying in bed resting with her pacifiers and try to get to sleep and that if she needed mommy or daddy that we were right across the hall. I told her I was so tired and had to go to bed. D and I sat in bed, whispering to each other, for 30 minutes. Finally we went and checked and lo and behold, she'd fallen asleep. I turned off her light. I found out this morning just why she was so freaked out. When I woke her up to get ready to go to daycare she automatically started asking about the monsters. We did our whole "There are no monsters, just me and mommy etc." thing but when I laid her on the floor to change her diaper I could tell she was still freaked out. She turned and watched behind her out the door. And this is all happening because that little twerp J freaked Hailey out so bad Saturday. I am just livid. WHY will my friend not discipline her daughters?? Why does she just let them do whatever they please? I mean J has major issues IMO...not only was she doing these things to Hailey, but after most people left she was walking around telling me to shut up even though I told her very firmly that we don't use those words. Then both S's girls pulled Haiely in the bathroom with them. I set the stuff I was carrying down and went and opened the door and the older one was on the toilet pooping, it stank to high heaven in there, and the younger one was on the little potty peeing and Hailey was trying to pull her diaper down to pee on the other little potty. I told her she could pee in her diaper and pulled her out of the bathroom. Then J, the younger one, came out of the bathroom with no panties on and laid down and put her crotch up in the air moving herself around and grabbed herself and started saying something. It was so disturbing. She's only 3 but the whole feel of it was just so wrong, it was on the verge of her trying to be sexual, and she's only 3 freaking years old!! My friend just grabbed her and put panties on her. No consequences for her actions. No making her wash her hands even. I love my friend, but I think she is lacking some serious parenting skills in the discipline department. I'm just thanking God the shower is over with and we don't have to be around them anymore and I'm praying to God to help me undo the damage that J did to my Hailey.

And while I'm on the subject...what is it with older little girls?? Because at the shower Sunday, the hostesses 4 year old little girl was doing sort of the same things except not with ill-intent, just being a little snot. She wouldn't let Hailey touch any of her toys after she invited her back into her bedroom and when Hailey went into her little sister's room she told me that Hailey messed everything up and we'd have to fix it ALL (with a huge dramatic bitchy sigh!) and all Hailey would have done was like sit in a wooden rocking chair. That's it. I didn't know these people so I just made Hailey stay out in the dining room with me and then thank God after the mom was done opening her presents Hailey said very loudly to me "Mommy I want to go home NOW!" so we left. (I really didn't mind, the last lady that got there turned out to be a now-it-all...she was older than all the rest of us girls and we were getting along great laughing and everything before this lady got there...she gave me so many dirty looks I lost count, and I was barely even talking...I was so thankful for Hailey demanding we leave!)

I'm starting to realize my kid isn't as bad as I thought...yea she might be a bully sometimes at daycare, but I've come to see she's not near as bad as some of the other kids out there, especially when it comes to attitude. I just wish I had a friend around here that had a little girl Hailey's age that I got along with really well. It would be really nice to have a friend to get together with where we could let the kids wouldn't even necessarily have to be a girl, although Hailey is definitely more into baby dolls and things like that :) I wish my cousin lived in town, her little girl was 3 in July but her and Hailey are 2 peas in a pod! They're both really respectful of each other and play together wonderfully! We miss them dearly, they live about 2 hours away. :(

I don't know a good way to end this post so I'm just going to end it here...

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