The sun is shining

We're going to have bad days here and there, I know that. But the bad days just need to, well, not be so bad, darn it! Things are okay. Things are better. Promises aren't being broken, which is the major reason I was so upset. Hailey's still getting to go to the Lake next weekend. I'll forget the name calling in time. Everything's fine. Moving on.

So big things have been happening in these parts. Well big in my book anyway.

My husband finally admitted he is getting excited about moving. I think having to peel off his mud caked clothes and shoes on the front porch for God and all the Mexican's living next door to see really did it. He's very excited about having a garage now. And here I thought telling him he could have all his hunting/fishing/golf stuff at HOME instead of stored in his parents garage would do it! All I had to do was start making him undress outdoors! LOL

Hailey isn't that weirded out by the packing, which is something I was worried about. A couple nights ago I started packing up the books in her bedroom (the ones we don't read every night) and she did run in her bedroom and say "Hey, those are mine!" but once I explained that we had to pack them away so we can move them to the new house, she was fine. We've decided on keeping her around for most, if not all, of the day while we're moving. That way she can see all of our stuff leaving the old place and being moved into the new. I'm sure there will be plenty of comments from the inlaws (who aren't helping us move, by the way) about how we need to just send Hailey to the sitter's but I know my daughter and I really think it's best for her to see what's happening first hand.

My mom's new job is going amazingly well. I feel like God really answered our prayers with this one. The people in this law office are absolutely amazing. The lawyers are incredible. The things they have done for my mother are just above and beyond that of a normal employer. Things like giving her a huge check just because they didn't have to pay two months of Cobra insurance for her. You'd think they'd just be thankful they didn't have to pay for it and leave it at that. Instead they give the money they would have used to pay for the insurance directly to her. Just to have. We are so incredibly thankful for everything God is giving her right now. She really deserves it. And just to add to her happiness I bought her a new vacuum last week. She loaned hers to her boyfriend over a year ago and unfortunately he never gave it back. She's been borrowing mine. When I bought my new (ABSOLUTELY AWESOME) new vacuum I was going to give her our old one...until D took it down to the Lake and used it to clean up the nastiness at the cabin. Now that one is banished to the cabin (as we threw the old one there away) and my mom has a nice new one. All is right in cleaning land!

D and I have realized that we are going to have to share the cabin. Which is totally fine, except for the fact that we're the only ones that have been cleaning that place and fixing it up! Well aside from his dad, who has really been doing a lot as well which we are very thankful for. But now that the place is cleaner and has newer couches and a TV, all the relatives are wanting to go down there. Like D's brother and my sister in law. And now D's cousin that hasn't been in years will be taking her new husband there a week after the wedding. Which is totally fine! We just need to get over the fact that it's not just our cabin. And that people don't care that we're the only ones that have done any work, they're still going to reap the benefits. And we've realized that we just need to move to the Lake ourselves! We're hoping D can get a job down there after he graduates. The Lake is a place where I've always just felt at ease. I love the atmosphere, I love the lifestyle. I want a boat and a waverunner way more than I want a house. I just need to be away from the city, I'm tired of all the congestion and how there are people everywhere you go. I love being down at the Lake and waking up to the sound of boats going by and waverunners zooming all over the place. (Sort of off topic but waverunners remind me of nats. They follow huge boats around riding their wake...I'd think this would be really annoying for the boat owners! It's so fun though!) If it can't be there then I want to live in another tiny little town. I'm talking no grocery store tiny like one of my favorite little blufftop towns near here. Where you're driving along and come upon a heard of chickens just standing in the street. I crave that slower paced, less stressed, more quiet life.

Changing subjects completely...I'm going to talk about work now. I can't go into all the details but I have to say working for a public school system vs. for a big corporation is very interesting. We're dealing with tax le.vys and bud.get cuts and board meetings and it's just all very (oddly enough) exciting. It gets your blood boiling, you start to feel so passionate about your feelings on the issues! This morning we all met at the office about 15 minutes early (and I was NOT the last one here, I am happy to announce! **pats myself on back**) and rode over to the boa.rd meeting together. Apparently we made quite the impact all showing up as a united front like that, our whole office. My boss and our secretary (who replaced me when I took this job--and who is now losing her job because of the budget cuts) both spoke and we stood up with them to show our support. We were in the very front row so when we stood up it looked very intimidating. We could just feel the teachers behind us staring and we could hear them whispering. It's amazing how much in denial they are of simple mathematics. We're dealing with a bud.get crisis, we're cutting something like 82 positions across the dist.rict, everybody is losing 2 days of work w/out pay...and the teachers think we should go ahead with the salary sch.edule and essentially give everyone raises (although as the teachers put it, it is NOT a raise...it's a contractual obligation, a part of their benefits package--although it's not in any of their contracts or benefit info!) The whole idea of taking away jobs and days and then giving everyone a raise is just ludicrous. And what really bites my ass is the fact that the teachers claim to be so much about the students, reminding everybody that this is really about the students here, but then they are so money hungry! And they give sob stories about how so many of them are already at a hardship, having to work 2 and 3 jobs to make ends meet, and PLEASE don't make this harder on us than it already is! BOOHOO. The average teacher in our district makes almost $50,000 a year. For 9 months work. Some of our accountants make less than that and they work 12 months! And as far as having to work 2 and 3 jobs to make ends meet...I would LOVE to see them live on my salary or that of our secretaries. They make twice what we do and are able to be off in the summer. It's just a mess and while both sides have valid points I think it just says something how the people that are supposedly so "for the students" still want their raise so bad, while those of us that are being directly impacted by the cuts by ways such as losing staff, so our individual workloads will go up, we'll be losing 2 days of work w/ no pay, etc. are all for NOT getting raises. How about we keep the staff that are losing their jobs so the district can actually run/work properly and everybody stay at the same rate of pay...an efficiently run district is what the students need. Not a teacher who makes $1000 more per year.

So I got off on a rant there. I feel very good about being involved in this and it makes me happy to hear that we made a big impact on everyone this morning (in a good way). The superin.tendent is very happy with what went on. Hopefully a good decision will be made and this will all be over soon!

A plus about having to get here so early this morning...now I get off at 3:43! Yay!

I've really gotten into reading again. I've finished The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella...hard to get into at first but ultimately a GREAT book! One of my favorites of hers so far! I've now moved on to Can You Keep a Secret...another one of hers. So far it's pretty good...now the only problem is I haven't had time to read lately! I've got many more books on my "to read" list and can't wait to get all settled in our new place and have time to read again!

Tomorrow night we've got a rehearsal and dinner for our friend's wedding that is going on Saturday. We've made the decision to take Hailey to the rehearsal and dinner, against my inlaws judgement, and we're very excited about going. Another reason for me to get semi dressed up...I got a new dark grey knit skirt (the kind w/ the foldover top like I LOVE) at Old Navy last night for the occassion. I'll probably just wear it with a pink tank top and some flip flops unless I can find some sandals tonight. For the wedding Saturday I found a HUGE bargain at Kohl's, a dress on sale for $7. I'm going to attempt to curl my hair which means I need to buy either some curlers or a curling iron. I've been wanting those for ages anyway. I got Hailey the cutest little dress at Penneys on sale for $15 and she picked out some little gold braided flip flops that I'm going to squeeze her fat little feet into. Hopefully the day goes smoothly with minimal meltdowns on her part.

My sister came over last night after a LONG time of not seeing each other. We went to Old Navy, got sandwiches at Quizno's (not to self: Hailey does NOT like toasted subs), ran by Penneys and just hung out. We decided we really need to make an effort to do it more often and we've planned a date with just the two of us to go to this new seafood place we both want to try.

Hailey has yet again grown up overnight. The other day at the sitters she was going a puzzle with the sitter's middle son who is 2 months older than her. He asked her what a puzzle piece was. Hailey said "I THINK it's a crab. I THINK." The sitter said she laughed so hard, and that Hailey sounded just like a little adult. She also told the sitter all about the tye dyed shirt she made at the festival I took her to last weekend. The sitter had read about it on our family blog but hadn't mentioned it to Hailey at all. Hailey brought it up all on her own and told her all about how she made this shirt with circles and colored it yellow and blue and pink and then Mommy washed it. She said she made it at the big park. Little things like that make me realize that I have a kid now. She's not a little baby anymore, as much as I still feel like I have a baby. I have a kid now. A true little kid.

My husband got a lesson Tuesday night (before Hailey went to bed and we fought, of course) on just how much of a kid Hailey is now. And how he really needs to watch his mouth. We were on the way to the park after having DQ ice cream. He started hassling me about doing "the deed" with him that night. I kept telling him I just do NOT feel like it, it was not a good night, I was exhausted, blah blah blah on and on and finally I told him to not talk about things like that in front of Hailey anymore. He started in again hassling me until Hailey finally had enough and she yelled at him "DADDY SHE'S NOT IN THE MOOD!" He was so embarrassed and I just laughed and laughed. The look of shock on his face was priceless. Of course she had no idea exactly what we were talking about but you'd better bet that got him to shut up!!! Thanks Hailey!

And now I'd better get to work. Sometime this weekend I should have some pictures to upload! Hope everyone is having a great week!

TGIF

We didn't get to go to Olive Garden at lunch :( I was so excited too. My mom felt so bad, but she'd just gone to get her passport (her boyfriend is taking her to Jamaica on a company trip in April!) before lunch and the post office charged her an extra $40 or so in fees that weren't stated on the website! I don't think that's right...they should say $140 plus shipping or something, not just "Only $140" or whatever it states! Anywho, no biggie. Was just as nice eating a frozen Marie Calendar's meal while talking to my mom at her house. I feel so bad for her. I know I mentioned her situation in my post where I freaked out and told my stinking life story pretty much...how she took this 9 month, lower paying job because her boyfriend had talked about them moving in together and then suddenly he backed off a lot and here she is stuck, not bringing in enough money, sucky benefits etc...and none of the insurance companies here in town will hire her because it's like there's some unspoken rule between the companies that they don't hire each other's employees. Seriously it's weird. Unless the person is very trained in a highly specialized field, but that's very rare. She's sort of stuck where she's at. And her part time, good-paying job cut expenses after she left and dropped her position. I just wish so bad I was financially set and could help her out. She's always worked so hard to support me all my life, and now as an adult is having a hard time supporting herself all of a sudden. Things cost too much and she makes too little (less than I do, which makes me feel so bad--I just got really lucky and went into a field that I can still make some money in w/ no education). It's also hard not to sort of try and lecture her...I mean just nicely tell her "Well you know if you did this" or "if you tried this." When she has money, like she used to, it's no problem. But now that she's on such a tight budget, it really matters how she handles it, what things she pays when etc...and it's not like she just blows money left and right. She just doesn't necessarily "manage" it well. Doesn't keep track like I do, of everything she spends money on...food, gas, bills. I always have to know at least roughly how much money I have in my account or I feel sick about it. I'm also an awesome bargain hunter and as my mom says, I can "squeeze a nickel and pop out a dollar." :) I've offered to sit down with her and help her figure out a plan of action to get her back on track many times over the years, but she always declines. She says it won't help, but I think it might be at least partly because what mother wants their kid telling them how to handle their life like that? Anyway, she's a really nice, normal person...just needs a different job, that's all.

Dan and I are probably getting Wendy's tonight, and going to see a movie. So that's exciting. I'm making Dan not go to work. I love that he has such a flexible schedule. He'd only make about $9.50 tonight since they close an hour early...so I say, what's the point. Getting to spend an evening with him is much more important to me than $9.50. :) My mom's going to watch Hailey for us. Not sure where yet, she might have her keep her at our house and put her to bed in her own bed...she's come down with yet another cold, as I've said before, and I think she'd sleep better in her own bed if she's coughing and whatnot.

My mom checked out the book 'Remember Me?' by Sophie Kinsella today. It's her newest release, I'm super excited to read it! It's a "Most Wanted" so I've only got a week! My mom started to read it first before she gave it to me. I asked her why she didn't want to finish it. Her response: "Are ALL her books British?" I told her yes, they're all set over in London or around there. Apparently, she doesn't like that whole culture much! Drives her nuts how they talk! LOL I never knew this about my mother. I love their words for things...I wish I could say "nappy" for diaper or "sodding" whatever when I'm mad. I would love to visit London some day (you know, if I didn't have that whole fear of flying thing going on). My mom and I are so alike, yet so different. :)

Wednesday randomness...

I’m so excited, I had ordered some scrapbook supplies from LTD and they came in yesterday. I thought the three kits would kind of help me get started, since the pages already have spots for pictures and such. They were only $4.95 a piece and they come with stickers and die cuts and 16 pages...

Vacation:



Friends & Family:



Four Seasons:



I also ordered these for $6.95 and they are SO neat...I love the little tags!



I'm planning on using the card table we have set up in the corner of the dining room as my scrapbook/photo album area once I get to cleaning it off. I also need to get some storage containers for my supplies. My mom has no interest in scrapbooking...she thinks they look neat, but that's about it. Well last night she was going on about how we need to get me some special scizzors and pens and such. I only have 1 pair of the scizzors and a few pens...I think black, purple, dark blue and silver. I already know some of the things to put on my Christmas list this year! My mother in law is going to be so excited...she loves shopping for us girls, esp. when she knows what we want! All I have to do is give her a list...I'm also asking for a new skillet this year. Mine is getting so old and I use it so much it's really wearing out! Anyway...anybody have any ideas for scrapbook supplies that I just shouldn't live without???

D'S HOME!! YAY!! So excited. It was so nice to walk into our bedroom to get dressed this morning and see him laying in bed. When I got Hailey up I told her Daddy was home and asked if she wanted to go see him and she smiled really big and said "uh huh!" She gave him a kiss and giggled. Hopefully he'll get home from practice in time to see her tonight. I think she really misses him. He misses her like crazy.

WELL...I'm finally done...I finally read the last Harry Potter! If you haven't read it and are going to, stop here, because I'm about to say a few things about it. First off, I think it was awesome. Loved it. It was my favorite one of all of them. There is one thing I'm confused on though. Why did the Elder Wand choose Draco as it's new master, and how did Harry know this?? Did I miss something? When he was talking to Voldemort in the end and he told him that, I was like WHAT?? I think I'll probably have to re-read the book eventually, I know I had to of missed some things. Now I don't know what I'm going to do over my lunch break! I used to be so excited to go read Potter...it seems weird that they're over with. I can't imagine what the last movie is going to be like. All those deaths...I wonder how much they'll skip over and what they'll include. To me the whole story seems so important to the ending of the tale. I guess we'll see!

I made a major booboo. I've been so exhausted since D's been gone, from getting no sleep...I completely forgot to start my new pack of pills Sunday. I realized this yesterday. I was reading Kayce's comment on a post from a couple days ago and thought oh no... I took Monday and yesterday's pills last night and just skipped the first pill in the pack. Is that ok?? I hope I didn't totally screw up my cycle. It was just now finally getting back on track. I have to call my dr. at some point this month, see if she can give me 3 more months worth of samples. She had wanted me to go off them in October because we were going to start trying in December, but now that we're shooting for March or April I figure I'll take my last pack in December. But there isn't a generic for the brand I take, so my ins. makes me pay a crap load for them. Hopefully my dr. still has samples.

Hope everyone is having a good week so far! The weather here has been WONDERFUL!! I went home and changed last night and then took Hailey to the park. It was only 80 degrees, and dropping as the night went on. It was beautiful! Last night it got downright cold...in the 40's! I'm excited at being able to put different clothes on Hailey finally...her summer clothes were getting so boring! I put her little goucho capris on her this morning (hand me downs from my friend S--I actually bought them for her little girl a year or so ago!) and a jacket that, get this...is from LAST SPRING! All her jackets/coats still fit her, how cool is that?? They were big on her last season. They're all 6-12 months. But now they fit her great! That reminds me, I noticed something this morning...Hailey is thinning out. I've noticed lately that she only gets her big buddha belly after she eats now. When she wakes up in the morning it's a normal little pudgy belly. This morning as I was changing her diaper I noticed I could see the white lines of her leg rolls on her upper/inner thighs. Up until now I've had to spread the roll apart to see down in there. Her legs are definately looking thinner. I was so afraid she was going to be a little fat kid. Not that there's anything wrong with being fat, except I don't want her to have any health problems from being overweight. That runs in D's family! Luckily he's escaped it. Anyway...she's definately not my little baby anymore. I'll have to post pictures soon...

This and that

It’s been one of those days…

First off, this whole baby thing has be in a bit of a bad mood. I went to see new baby W last night. He wasn’t in the room when I got there, they were suctioning him out some more since he was having problems getting all the mucous out. I didn’t mind, I was there to see my sister in law just as much as I was there to see the baby. I talked to her for a while, asking how she’s doing etc. My in-laws were there. I think that’s what really started it. They were being so incredibly annoying. They were getting my nephew (who’s 2 and ½ yrs.) all riled up and making him scream. It just irritated me how disrespectful they were being to the other moms in the hospital who were probably trying to get some rest. And my sister in law had been through enough, she shouldn’t have to keep getting onto her oldest son repeatedly…she just didn’t need that. But my in-laws weren’t thinking about her at all, all they cared about was the baby. Then the baby talk started. It drives me up the WALL how instead of talking correctly, they call things what W calls them. For instance, he calls dogs “gogs,” so instead of saying “do you want to go see the dogs?” they say “let’s go see the gogs!!” Hello, that’s not teaching him anything. He’s 2 and a half and he can’t speak a single full sentence, and while this is normal for some children I’m starting to see that it may be quite a while before he starts to talk with the examples he gets from my in-laws! You have to understand…he’s with them ALL THE TIME. But that’s a whole other story. Anyway, so they start asking him if he wants some “Cocket Mulk”…in proper English, “chocolate milk”…it drove me up the wall to hear them repeat the mispronounced words to him OVER and OVER. I’m sorry if that seems petty, but these people are so odd and I cannot stress how hard it is to spend any time around them at all without acting pissy. As if that wasn’t bad enough, when my sister in law was finally feeding the baby she said to me “I’ll hurry with this so you can finally hold him Erin”…and my mother in law exploded…”ERIN, why ERIN, what about ME!?!?!” I looked at her with a look of shock on my face. She is the most immature 50-something year old woman I have ever met. I sternly told her that I had not even SEEN the baby yet, let alone held him. She said “Well I’ve only held him for like 3 minutes!!” Ok she’d been there all morning. The woman is just nuts. I really try to get along with her, really try to tolerate her, LIKE her even, but it’s just not working. I told her that was ridiculous, and jokingly said “I will fight you for him you know, I’m pretty sassy!” My brother in law finished feeding the baby while my mother in law whipped out her photo album devoted solely to big brother W, which is another thing that annoys the crap out of me. Do they have an album for Hailey??? Hell no. So my sister in law and I start comparing the 2 boys, noting their differences and similarities. My sister in law pointed out that the outfit big brother W wore home from the hospital was the one I bought him, the very first gift my sister in law ever got when she was pregnant with him. I thought that was very sweet that they picked that outfit as his going home outfit. She asked me what Hailey went home in, and I honestly told her I have no clue. My mother in law blew up again. “You don’t have a CLUE, what do you mean, you don’t REMEMBER?” I told her I didn’t pick out anything special, and we didn’t take pictures or anything of her going home or arriving home like my brother and sister in law did, so I don’t remember. She actually had the nerve to say to me “God, what horrible parents!!” I politely reminded her “You have to understand, I did not WANT a baby, I wasn’t into doing all that cutesy baby memory family crap!” What I really wanted to do, was scream at the top of my lungs “Can I not get it through your thick head that I did not WANT a baby, and that I was not only not giddy about coming home with Hailey but I was on the verge of a BREAKDOWN because of the whole situation!?!?! Do you not remember the grief you caused us in the hospital by calling and screaming/cussing at us over the phone the night before we came home????” etc. etc. Seriously, to this day I think she thinks we planned Hailey. I honestly think she thinks I put on a huge act, how miserable I was and unhappy I was after she was born. She never offered help. She basically ignored the fact that I even existed. All that mattered is that they could drop by last minute at 9:00 at night and see Hailey. And they thought I was incredibly rude when I didn’t sit and converse with them while laughing and smiling. GRRRRRRRRRRR Ok the visit at the hospital yesterday just brought back TONS of bad memories, and tons of horrible feelings of resentment towards my in-laws for making a bad situation even worse for me. As if all that wasn’t enough, when I was getting ready to leave the hospital my mother in law chose THAT time to give my sister in law a huge gift of Bath and Body Works stuff…a special scent she’d gone to great lengths to find and buy, because she knew how much my sister in law loves in. Ok when I was in the hospital after Hailey was born she yelled to my husband on the phone tons of horrible things about me that weren’t true, even going so far as to call me names(all while he’s rocking our newborn daughter mind you, and I’m trying to dr. my horrible swollen hooha) Thanks ma, LOVELY gift. Why does she treat us so differently?? And it was almost like she wanted me to see her give the gift, like rubbing it in my face. I promptly hugged my sister in law, who begged me to come back and keep her company, and left. I went home, got on my sister in law’s email account like she’d asked me to, did a few things for her that needed to be done, esp. w/ the pictures I’d taken for her…and went to bed in a grumpy mood. I woke up this morning tired, but fine. I came to work and was showing a couple of my coworkers the new baby pictures. I was telling them how I was surprised that seeing the baby didn’t make me have the urge to have one of my own like I thought it would. I thought I’d feel jealous of my sister in law and start wanting a baby more than ever. Maybe my in-laws had something to do with me not feeling like that, but anyway, I didn’t feel like that when I left…I was just happy for them and thought he was a cute baby. That’s all. So I was telling my coworker how D and I have been talking lately about when we might try for another baby and how I was glad the visit didn’t make me want another one right now, and my coworker says “Well you don’t need to have another one til D gets a job anyway!!!” I was shocked. And quite pissed to be honest. That is none of her business, and it wasn’t for her to say! I told her that even if we got pregnant now D would have a job before the baby was born, but we’re not trying anytime soon so that didn’t matter!! It really hurt my feelings that she said this. It just added to my feelings that my mother in law had started the night before. Nobody would be happy if we announced the fact that we’re having another baby, no matter when it happened…what is it about us??? It can’t be money…my brother and sister in law are going through bankruptcy for goodness sakes, and my in laws were still overjoyed to hear of the impending arrival!! But if we were to get pregnant…well it’d be the end of the world. Even though this time we’re married, they would still be ashamed. My in-laws bawled, out of sorrow and disappointment, when they found out about Hailey. And they didn’t share the news with ANYBODY like they did when my sister in law was pregnant both times. And I know that’s how it’s going to be with our next one. And it just breaks my heart. The only thing I know to do, is just not care. Just try to focus on us as our own little family…just D, Hailey and I…and worry about us being happy and what’s right for us. And I already decided long ago that the birth of the next baby will be completely different. I gave in last time, and told the in-laws we’d call them when I went to the hospital…because they insisted they would be furious with us if we didn’t. But after all the drama that happened, with them being furious that we called D’s brother before we told the in-laws Hailey was born, because they didn’t like her name or the way it was spelled…after them barging in my room while I was in so much pain and so out of it, and acting like I wasn’t even there while talking bad about what we named her, and them taking pictures while holding her with pissed off looks on their faces…I’m not taking the chance on that happening again. Next time, we will call them after Hailey’s born, after we’ve had time to bond and breastfeed etc. Then they can come and see her, preferably when I’ve moved to my permanent room where there isn’t blood still splattered all over the floor. That just seems like the best thing for us. They will be very mad…but I’m done with caring about their feelings, as they so obviously don’t give a crap about ours.

SO…now that I’ve got that vent out…

It is a beautiful day here!! 84 degrees, sunny…this is the weather I LOVE…it’s starting to feel like fall!! I’m so anxious!! I absolutely love this time of the year! I love being able to open up the windows and air out the house!! There’s nothing like feeling the nice cool breeze flow from room to room. It’s so hard to stay in a cruddy mood with great weather like this!

A secretary at one of the schools sent me some chocolate today. I thought that was very sweet of her! Really brightened my day!!

I’ve finally started reading the last Harry Potter book, YAY!! I’m only on page 45 or so, but so far it’s pretty good.

When my husband called me yesterday (yes, he’s even CALLING me now!!) I recounted to him the story of how I killed the most ginormous spider EVER right outside our front door that very morning, without freaking out and screaming like a little girl. Even though it was resting a mere 10 inches from my daughter’s feet. And I am deathly afraid of spiders. And did I mention how ginormous it was??? I told him how it was WAY bigger than the spider he’d killed the night before. He asked me what kind it was, and that was that. Then he gets home last night. I’m already in bed. He comes in the bedroom, and starts going on and on about how HUGE this spider I killed was, WAY bigger than his spider, and how proud of me he is. I know this whole thing may seem silly…but it really meant a lot to me when he praised me like that! If you’ve read previous posts, you know how my husband is…for him to make a big deal out of something that seemed pretty insignificant to him but was a huge deal for me is not something he ever does…so it really meant a lot to me.

A couple of my old friends from highschool in KS have been posting old pictures of themselves and their friends from their highschool/college years on MySpace. I got out our old photo albums, from ’99 up until about 2004(when life got in the way and I quit having time to actually put pictures in albums) and I realized something…while my friends were all hanging out together in big groups of girls, being silly together and having a blast…I was with D. All the time. I didn’t go to college, so I didn’t have that whole experience. Since my Junior year of highschool, it’s been just me and D for the most part. I mean of course we each have other friends, but ALL the pictures I have from that time period…all those years…are of us. Being silly, having a blast, experiencing life together. I thought maybe I’d feel sad that I didn’t get those years with my friends, that I didn’t have the experiences that they did…but I realized I didn’t feel sad at all…I think it’s so neat that my husband and I have been together so long, and that we’ve been able to experience half our teenage and all of our adult lives together. We’ve got all these inside jokes and memories together…I love it that I share those things with my husband instead of a group of girls I probably won’t have any contact with in a few more years. And it was incredibly neat to see how much we’ve grown up and changed. Hell we’ve seen each other nearly every day for the past 8 years…we don’t notice the changes. But looking at these pictures, WOW we looked like little kids!! We were so cute! I think back to those times, and how I felt…I never would have thought that after all these years we’d still be together, more in love that ever, and married with a little girl. I realized all over again how lucky I am…these past couple years I’ve been worrying and complaining so much, but what the hell am I complaining about? I have my dream…I’m married to my best friend and I have a wonderful little girl! I’m not un-lucky at all!

I am so stinking proud!!

You will not believe what Hailey did tonight! I have this book that was MY very first book ever from when I was a baby. It's a book called My Puppy, by Florence Sarah Winship. Well when I was getting ready to read to Hailey tonight to put her to bed, she was sitting on her bedroom floor and picked up this book. I asked her to please read it to mommy. And she did! I mean not word for word, but she would turn to each page and say something along the lines of what each page said! Like the first page says "He can run." and she said "He run"...then the next page says "He can play" and it's got a little ducky on it so she said "He can pay duck". Then she turned the page and it says "He can bark." so she said "He bark"...then at the very end it just says My Puppy and she said that! I am not kidding! I am so excited. I mean I know she obviously most likely isn't looking at the words and reading them of course, I mean she is only 16 months old..but she remembers what each page SAYS. She's not just naming things on the pages, she's actually remembering what each page says from what I read to her. Now I know how my dad felt when I could recite each page of Chicken Little when I was 3. He swore up and down I could read. And I just think it's so special that she loves this book so much, when it was my first book and I've took such great care over the years even when I was little, to save this book for my kids. How neat is that??

15 weeks

Hailey had her 15 month well-check today. She’s 21 lbs 11 oz. and 30 inches long. She did really good showing Dr. P how she can name her body parts. She pointed to her toes and said “toes” and did the same with her knees, nose and eyes. He was very impressed. He asked if she was stringing 2 or more words together, and I told him yes she will say things like "all done" or "my mommy" or "I see outside" or "a car." He said she’s perfect. She had to get 2 shots(the D-tap and the Prevnar shots), which she was not happy about (I wasn’t happy that she had to get them either)…she cried so hard, and I almost burst into tears. She was ok when we got home, just a little low-energy, and she went to bed at 7:30 which is about an hour or so early for her. This morning I woke her up at 6:40 and after she told me "thank you" for giving her her boppies(pacifiers) she started crying like something was hurting her. I gave her some more Motrin and called my mom. She's done with summer school for the year, so she's got 3 wks off and could come over and watch Hailey. She fell back asleep in my lap until my mom got there at 7:30, and then she cried for me when I was trying to hand her over. It broke my heart. She was crying "mommy, mommy" and grabbing onto me. :o( Having to be a working mom is just not fair. But I told her Shrek was in the DVD player and she said "Shek" and brightened up a little. I asked her if she wanted to watch Shrek or Curious Buddies and she mumbled something that sounded like "Curious" so I put that in and she was feeling ok enough by the time I left to wave bye to me. I called a little while ago and my mom says she seems to be feeling ok. I hope the fever and aches go away sooner than they said they probably would (3 to 7 days). Makes me feel even worse about going on our anniversary trip this weekend.

In other news, since Hailey went to bed so early last night I got to watch Beauty and the Geek which I hate to admit I love. Hopefully I'll remember it's on every week and be able to catch it.

Did I already post that my mom and I went to see the new Harry Potter movie this past Saturday? Well anyway, it was awesome. Very good battle scenes and the fireworks were really neat. Professor Umbridge didn't look like what I'd pictured, but I still thought she was portrayed pretty well! I've heard you can't re-read the book before you go see it, so I didn't, and I really loved it. I think that's the mistake I've always made in the past, since the 2nd movie, I've re-read the book before going to the movie and it just ruins it. You know they're going to change some stuff around and leave some things you think are crucial out, so you really have to just look at the movies separately from the books. Speaking of books...the last book comes out this weekend!!! I don't know how I'm going to not hear who dies before I get to read it...my mom is supposed to get one for me since I'll be out of town, but I don't know how I'm going to avoid the media reports since everybody else will see it before me. And I don't know how I'm going to read it because I can hardly get through a book these days because after I put Hailey to bed I've got chores to do and I'm exhausted. I guess I'll just have to put off all the chores til I finish it!!

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain...I like watchin the puddles gather rain...

My life is just too busy. Sometimes I handle it wonderfully, and feel awesome running all my errands...sometimes it makes me feel very accomplished and happy! Right now is a bit of a low time. Not bottom of the barrel low, where I'm crying about having no friends(I do have friends) and how we have no money(we're really mostly ok) and how I look disgusting to myself(I do have positives)...it's just one of those times in my life where I'm a bit worn out, a bit tired of my hectic life, a bit tired of EVERYTHING being on my shoulders...a bit tired of never having any down time. I love the simple life. I love slow lazy days, enjoying the weather and having fun with family and friends. Lately I haven't had any days like that. My husband is constantly gone or sleeping, because he LOVES being busy. Now that school's out and he doesn't have to deal with Coach anymore, he's loving playing in tournaments for the city. Golf is fun again. YAY. I have not gotten to sleep in for SO long. Except for a little bit on Mother's Day, but I had a horrible backache all night that night so I couldn't really sleep anyway. I think lack of sleep is a big part of why I'm feeling cruddy. Last night I begged D to go to the couch. He's got horrible allergies and he's coughing up a storm some of the time. Last night was one of those times and he was keeping me awake. Midnight I finally broke down and asked him to go to the couch. He politely and oh so lovingly said something along the lines of "Kiss my ass" and went to the couch. I fell asleep. It was wonderful. And then Hailey woke up at 7:30 this morning and D had to go to his tournament. And I had SO MANY errands to run today and Hailey was a pistol all day...so now I've got this horrible pounding headache behind my nose and eyes. And I'm just really starting to think that I need to slow down. But how can I when there's so much that needs to be done?? Laundry, house cleaning, errands...when I take a few days off to rest and recoup, all that stuff piles up. I wish I had one of those husbands that helped, but I just don't and there's no changing that. I was never this busy until I got older. I grew up being home every evening, most of the weekend. Every Sunday we'd drive North to a little town 30 minutes away and have Sunday dinner with my grandma. I miss that horribly. I miss being home and just enjoying my life. I could slow down. I could pick certain days of the week to do certain things, and then schedule days each week for downtime. But D isn't like that. He HATES to be home(not because of us, just because he likes to be on the go...preferably WITH us). He wants to constantly be busy. Part of his A.D.D. I guess. Who knows. It's just hard...we're so alike, yet we're not. I could go on and on about this, but I won't. There's nothing that can be done about it. We're a family, but at the same time Hailey and I do our thing and he does his, with some family time in between(not just sitting at home though!). I just miss the good ol' days, when things were simpler. When life wasn't so fast paced and rushed. I'm really going to try to figure out a way to get back to that, at least somewhat. I may have to work harder at first, getting everything caught up, getting this place in complete order, getting finances caught up etc. But I'll get there eventually. I want my kids to grow up like I did, appreciating the simple things in life, and I want them to be well-rested and happy. Not tired and stressed. I want them to appreciate the leaves changing color in the fall, picking out mums, the feel of the cool air as they ride their bikes...making snowmen and sledding in the winter, then coming inside and drinking hot chocolate all bundled up in front of the TV to some Christmas special...the newness of Spring, all the flowers and trees blooming, a bird flying overhead in the sunshine, picking out flowers to plant...running through sprinklers in the summer, eating popcicles on the front porch, taking afternoon naps in the cool air conditioning or laying around in the cool grass of a big shade tree, running around outside during a nice summer rainfall and stomping through puddles. Growing up as a kid I appreciated all these things, and more...the world was amazing, everything was new and beautiful and I didn't have to have complicated toys or video games or endless sports events to love my life and have fun every day. Every Saturday night my mom and I curled up on the couch and watched Saturday Night Live together...back in the days of Will Ferril, Cheri Oteri, Kris Katan and Adam Sandler...and then I would watch Tales from the Crypt after my mom fell asleep, snoozing away with her mouth hanging open(giggle)...that was fun, that was life. I want Hailey and all the other kids I have to have special things like that too. Right now it's just too hectic. Right now it's not like I want it to be. D not being here honestly doesn't really bother me that much, although I do miss him sometimes. I grew up with just my mom, and it doesn't seem odd at all to me for D to not be around a whole lot. Would I love it if he were? Sure. And maybe that's the way it will be after he gets done with school. But the real issue here, is everything else that I've talked about. I want that slow routine back, I want those traditions. I want to give my kids a good life. By the end of this year I'll have things sorted out. I'll have everything in order before we start trying for another baby.

Ok cut to an entirely different topic...the gabbiness of Hailey. Two new words this weekend. "Nanuh" for banana and the dreaded "NO!" Which she says while shaking her fat little finger "Nu Nu Nu!!" At the cat for sitting in her spot in front of the sliding glass door "Nu nu nu, MINE!" or at me for doing something she didn't want me to do ???? And the "mine" issue has gotten out of control. Everything is hers. EVERYTHING. How do I handle that? Nothing that I do is helping. I have no idea where she learned it. Not from us, and not at the sitter's. Apparently she takes toys away from the other kids and yells at them "mine!" We did not teach her that. I did teach her no, but all I tried to teach her was to tell the kitty no when she's outside eating grass (which she comes inside and pukes up, ew) or when she's clawing the carpet...and she caught on quick, she chases the kitty telling her no...but she went beyond that, and learned the whole sense of the word "no." She's too dang smart. How are they this smart at such a young age?? And she's also learned how to get me to go somewhere she wants me to go. She tugs on my shoulders, til I move or stand up or whatnot, and then points. She's always pointed. But this shoulder tugging, as if she's really trying to move me, is a new thing. It's very cute. She'll walk up to me sitting on the floor, grab my shoulders and pull. She's strong. She can push a full grocery cart, or her stroller packed with purses and bags. So she's very forcefull with this shoulder tugging. Speaking of her stroller...her new favorite way to ride it (standing up backwards in the seat is SO yesterday) is standing on the little bar between the back wheels and hanging on to the sides of the handle. Remember standing on the back of the grocery cart and hanging onto the handle as a kid? Yea, like that. She thinks it's TONS of fun, and usually exclaims "weee!!" And I really don't mind...at least this way I don't have to worry about her climbing out of the stroller and hurting herself or something, and there's more room for things like my purse and bags of stuff. Also, while I'm on the topic of Hailey. We bought her first "Little Swimmers" today, or whatever the Pampers brand is called. They look a lot like Pull Ups. So cute! We also got her swimsuit and some water shoes to keep at the sitter's so they can run through the sprinkler this summer. How grown up is that? When did my baby turn into a kid? Cheerios in her carseat(and my car, and my purse etc), juiceboxes on the ride home, ordering milk at restaurants and her drinking it from those big kid cups with the straw...her running everywhere, back-talking me... on one hand it seems like it happened overnight, and on the other hand this last year lasted FOREVER. One thing's for sure, I'm loving every minute of it!

By the way, this new book I'm reading(see sidebar) is really good. (Yet another thing I'm doing to try to get my life back on track...I used to read a LOT, and I love it!)

I'm a big kid now

I love it that Hailey can tell us what she wants now. All we have to do is ask her..."do you want to listen to music?" An enthusiastic head nod is the result. She dances like crazy, swaying back and forth in her car seat. I can tell she's getting tired. "Do you want to listen to more music?" A tired head shake. So I turn it off, and she's happy. I absolutely love this new thing she's mastered called communication. She may not be able to speak like we do, but she sure knows what we're asking and how to respond w/ her wants. She has, however, spoken her first sentence. Not quite 13 months, and a short sentence, but a sentence all the same. "More baba." When her milks gone, and she wants more in her bottle, "More baba." I'm so proud.

We turned her car seat around to face forward today. She loves it. I imagine she feels like part of the family now while we're in the car, able to see all that we're doing and have conversations with us. Oh yea and I get to see how she dances like crazy to music. Love it!

We went out for pizza tonight as a family. We had a gift certificate for our favorite pizza place left over from xmas, so we finally used it. Pizza on Cinco de Mayo...oh well we had fun :o)

I've started reading The Undomestic Goddess again...I finished The Giver, in case anyone noticed on my "I'm Currently Reading" section. I forgot how un-satisfying the ending is to that book. It always did leave me wondering what the heck happened next. I wish they'd written a second book, to follow up on what happens to them. All the same, it's still an awesome book. So now I'm back to The Undomestic Goddess, which I had a hard time getting into before. And I'm still having a hard time getting into it! I LOVE Sophie Kinsella's books, the Shopaholic series is awesome. But this one isn't as wonderful. Luckily I found my 4th shopaholic book, "Shopaholic and Sister" as I was cleaning my car this evening. YEA! It's been missing since I left my other job. I was afraid it was gone forever. So, once again I think I may have to put aside the Goddess book and go back to my good ol' Shopaholic series. After all, the 5th book, Shopaholic and Baby has come out, and I haven't even read the 4th book yet! Does anybody else read?

Alright so weird crap always happens to me. Today I put Hailey down to a nap and thought I'd take the opportunity to take a shower. I replaced the batteries in the monitor receiver since we haven't used it forever and it was dead, and I began taking a nice hot shower. I had to take it in the master bath so I wouldn't wake Hailey up, and in that bathroom all we have is the shower stall, not a tub. So I'm shaving my legs and the water is running down right on me. So of course I go to adjust the shower head, right? Easy enough, right? NO. Not for me it's not. I grab the shower head, go to adjust it, and POP it breaks and snaps clean off the pipe and PEGS ME IN THE FORHEAD! Talk about freaking hurting. So it bounces off my head and falls loudly to the floor, knocking over all the soap bottles. Thank God it didn't wake Hailey up. But now I have a big red line on my forhead that won't go away. And it gave me a big headache. And now we have no shower head...

My mom took me to Kohl's today and bought me a shirt and a pair of black pants for work. I need new clothes bad, I have nothing for summer since I'm 2 sizes smaller than I was last summer. I have no capris that fit, one pair of shorts which I'll hardly ever wear, and 2 pairs of jeans that bag off my butt like I dumped in my pants and my underwear pokes out the top(because like I said before, that's how I roll)...I am rattier than ratty looking. And I don't look 24. I'm tired of getting looks like "jeez, teen mom"...so I'm cleaning out all my old clothes and getting rid of them, and I'm going to slowly accumulate more mature "my age" clothing that actually fits. For that to occur I need more money and to quit losing weight. We'll see if that happens...

I took a 13 gallon trash bag of baby stuff to the local Children's Orchard today. I'm excited! They're supposed to call me in 3 to 5 days and tell me what they'll give me for it. I've got a few more things I'm going to take when I pick up the check, if they pay me halfway decent for what I took today. Hell if they pay me well enough, I'm thinking I could make a little extra money off this deal...my plan is, if the pay's decent for these items, I'm going to start going to garage sales on the weekends and picking up good clothes and things for really cheap and then sell them to this place for more than what I paid for them. We'll see if it works out. The extra money would be nice!

Alright I'm off to spend time with D since he's in town this weekend...

Is a title really necessary??

She's doing ok today. Her temp was only about 99. Nothing like last night. She ate some breakfast at lunchtime and an applesauce while we ate lunch...hot dogs, again, just like last night. I'm so over my hot dog craving. Good thing they're gone. Now she's napping. For a while on me, til I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Then my mom took over. Then for a while in her crib, til she woke up asking for her grandma. Now they're rocking in her bedroom again. And she's coughing her horrible cough off and on and wheezing while she breathes. I'm worried about sending her to daycare tomorrow. I know my new job would understand if I couldn't make it in, under the circumstances. But I don't have a whole lot of sick/vacation time yet, and being done one day would wipe that out. Plus she has a dr. appointment Tuesday. I hate this whole "working mom" bit. It's not the way I pictured things. I'm supposed to be a stay at home mom, that was how my life was supposed to go. We're seriously working towards that goal. One of these days, hopefully. But who knows what kind of job D will be able to get...I don't even have a clue what kind of job he'd go for, w/ the degree he's getting(natural resource/wildlife mgmt.). And will it pay well enough? I want to have another baby when Hailey's 3, but will I be able to stay home by then? Somehow I think not, esp. if we ever want to buy a house and get out of debt. I could do home daycare, but honestly that's not what I really want to do. I want to take care of MY kids. Hopefully my baby will be better soon. I have a feeling she'll be sleeping with us again tonight. Which is fine...I just want her to feel better.

Lately I've been re-reading my childhood books. Usually I'll pull one off Hailey's book shelf as she's napping on my chest on the weekends. A while back when she had that ear infection I re-read The BFG by Roald Dahl. Now I'm reading The Giver by Lois Lowry. I love books. I miss reading. It just takes time. Like everything else. Time that I don't have. But I'm trying. I have 1 hour lunches now, I think I'll start taking my books and reading at lunch. I remember now what this book, The Giver, is about...it was one of my favs growing up. Speaking of this book, I'm off to read...I'm tired of the computer for now. Hope everyone is having a better weekend than I am! Really, it hasn't been that bad, aside from Hailey being sick. Even D said a bunch of times yesterday what a great day we'd had together. We can't wait for him to be around all the time and have great days every day!