Update

Things have been crazy lately, as usual.

My sister went back to California, and is now a resident of beautiful Hawaii.

Last weekend I drove to STL to visit my cousin and her little girl. That night about 11:00 Hailey started coming down with a fever. My cousin's little girl got sick the next day...I'm used to Hailey having bugs here and there so I didn't think anything of it. My cousin, on the other hand, has always been a stay at home mom which means her daughter has hardly ever been sick. So she freaked at the 102 degree temp and took her to the dr. It's a good thing she did...the girls apparently had swine flu. Which it turns out, really isn't that big of a deal! Unless you have a heart or breathing problem, which neither of the girls do, thank goodness. Hailey was over her fever Tuesday.

Monday I left Hailey with my unemployed husband and went to apply at a childcare center right outside of town. They had me work on the playground for about an hour. They told me to go into DFS the next day and see about qualifying for free childcare. Yet again, being married screwed me over...we don't qualify. With or without D working. Without him working, they consider him able to care for her while I work. With him and I both working, even if we didn't make over 8$ an hour each, we still would be over the income limit because we only have one kid. I called the owner of the center Tuesday afternoon to let him know what I found out. They were very nice and said they could give me a 40% discount for Hailey to go there. He called me back later that day and just like that, I had a job. I started my new job Wednesday, only 2 days after I applied. My first day was HORRIBLE...but I think it was only because I wasn't quite prepared for what they wanted me to do, and because I hate change with a passion. Also Hailey stayed home with D for most of the day, to make my first day a little easier on me...D ended up bringing her at about 2:00 though, so he could go hunting. Nice. He hasn't changed. So the rest of the day was difficult, her clinging to me, not wanting me to do my job etc....I mean she's had my full undivided attention for 4 months now. Anyway, long story short, I completely changed professions from boring ol' accounting...and am now a teacher of an awnry, energetic, and adorable group of 2 year olds! I never quite believed I would be a teacher, even though I always sorta wanted to be. It's a HUGE job. With little pay. But it's worth it, it's rewarding, it's fun, and I get to wear YOGA PANTS to work every day if I want!! (Did I mention how much WORK this job is?!?! I never get to sit down. I sweep and mop floors, constantly pick up and clean, and I'm not even going to talk about the bathroom breaks right now, with 6 to 8 little 2 year olds running amock. It's craziness! But I love it...and hell, I may even lose some weight because of all the activity! LOL)

Amidst all the craziness of starting a new job and falling into place there, and trying to get my kid used to being in a new school, she comes down with ANOTHER fever. Complains of her ear hurting, and on my 3rd day of work throws up all over my bathroom. I called work, told them I'd be in a few minutes late, scheduled a dr. appt. for Hailey and had to leave her home with my (still) unemployed husband...and he's sick too, which means he's a huge baby right now, as well as a humongous GRUMP. Luckily they let me off work at 11:30 so I could come home and take Hailey to the dr. She had a horrible ear infection, bulging ear drum etc. Poor baby :( Rough week for her. She's on meds now and on the mend. Thank God.

Now I am on the hunt for lesson plans and activities for 2 year olds...the group I have have had so many different teachers (apparently nobody sticks around for long because 2 year olds are not the desired age to teach) that they don't know their colors, shapes, how to count or say the ABC's...any of it. It's hard to do activities when they don't even know the basics, and haven't been taught how to behave. So far I think things are going great. I think the kids are going to learn to listen to me...even after just 2 days in the classroom with them, I've been told they listen to me better than they have anybody else, even better than the other teachers that still work there. They seemed to have some fun with the activities I came up with (shape hokie pokie and playing WITH them during free play--which the teachers of the other classes don't do.) I'm still nervous about this week...the things that worry me are little things, like when do I schedule recess? The center doesn't have set times, which seems crazy to me. The place seems unorganized, it drives me nuts. I got lucky last week, it was way too rainy to even think about going outside. I just hate not knowing what's coming up, when to do what, etc. I like to be prepared. I know the longer I'm there, the better things will get. It's just getting to that point that is the hard part.

As far as D goes...I don't have a clue what to do. He can't get a job, not even an INTERVIEW. He's been applying everywhere, even places like Home Depot and Bass Pro. He's applied for janitor positions at the college here in town, because he's got 9 years of experience in that area. But he hasn't gotten a single interview anywhere. He's frustrated, but not as frustrated as he should be. He doesn't care that bills are going unpaid. He's still going hunting and playing golf a lot. He's going NOTHING around the house...and he criticized me for not making the house spotless when I wasn't working...even though I had Hailey to take care of and entertain all day every day. He doesn't watch her, he doesn't have a job...but yet he does nothing but make the house DIRTIER. I'm trying very hard to deal with a sick kid, a new job with long hours, my FMS problems (exhaustion and hurting) AND keep the house clean. I might as well be single. Seriously. I've come so super close to making him leave. When it comes down to it, I just don't want to move in with my mom. I'm so used to having my own space. In a perfect world, I would have enough money to get an apartment of my own for Hailey and I. And D would still be courteous, and pay child support when he got a job, and let me have full custody so he could go off and do whatever he wants whenever he wants. I cannot be without my daughter. I don't trust him with her for a day, let alone a weekend...especially with the fact that he'd be living with his parents (because face it, regardless of what he thinks, he could NOT support himself) and they do things like not feeding her because she isn't complaining about being hungry. And she hates staying there. She refuses to spend the night with them. UGH I just never wanted to be in this mess. I do love D, like you would love your best friend that you've had for the last 10 years. But he treats me like crap, and doesn't act like a husband at all. Still. And I just can't put up with this forever. I'm so torn on what to do. Right now I'm going to concentrate on my new job, and eventually, HOPEFULLY, I'll work things out in my head and be able to move on with my life...whether it's with him, or not.

To switch to a brighter subject...the pumpkin festival in Hartsburg, MO is coming up soon and I'm SO super excited!!! My mom took the whole weekend off work...I'm not even bugging D to go this year. My mom, Hailey and I are going to go and have a blast! I should have a new picture to put up after next weekend...I'll do like I normally do and post each year's picture, so everybody can see how much Hailey has changed!! :)

If anybody has any ideas for activities for my class, or websites they recommend etc., PLEASE let me know! Thanks!

It's a.....

GIRL!!!!

I just found out that my sister in law is finally having a girl!! I am beyond excited, I cannot wait to have a little niece. I'm super excited for her, she's wanted a little girl so badly for so long. When she found out her 2nd baby was a boy she bawled (which of course she got over). It's been so long since I've had a baby niece to spoil.

On the other hand, Hailey's not the only little girl in the family anymore. And seeing how that was the only thing making her special to my inlaws(I know that sounds harsh, but if you knew my inlaws you would totally understand and believe me 100%) I'm super afraid she's going to get totally overlooked once this baby is born. Let's hope and pray that's not the case.

Wall E

I'm thinking about taking Hailey to see WALL E this weekend if we have the time or energy after all the packing we have to do. It's rated G. She's only been to one movie theater movie, and she did really well except for the last 20 minutes...Surf's Up was not her fav. movie ever apparently because she got bored and played in front of our seats for a little bit. I'm afraid we'll get there and she won't like the movie this time and want to leave. Well, I'm afraid she'll want to leave after her popcorn is gone anyway...the girl will sit still for popcorn any day!

Why?

My sister in law messages me on Facebook every workday. Today she messaged me asking what I thought her baby was going to be because she's taking guesses. I told her I honestly don't know one way or the other because she's had two boys so it could be another boy but that I've had friends go in the same pattern as her and finally have their girl the last time around. She told me she really really wants a little girl. We got to messaging back and forth and I told her I'm not sure if I really want to have anymore kids (she's always trying to get me to get pregnant like NOW) because I am so obsessed and in love with Hailey that I don't know that I want another one...I don't see how I could love another one as much as I do her and I sort of feel like it wouldn't be fair to her to spend some of "her" time on another baby/kid. I also made the comment that I'm sort of afraid to have another one because I don't want a boy and what if it's a boy? I told her I love other people's little boys, they're so cute and everything and that I love her boys and love taking care of them and whatnot. But I just don't want one of my own. She had made the comment before that she loves her boys because she sees so much of her husband (my husband's brother) in them but that she'd like a girl too. So anyway I told her that whole thing about how I didn't want a boy and whatnot. Her response? "I see what you're saying. I mean, I like Hailey and all, but she's just not for me..."

?????

WTF? Thanks a bunch for telling me that my kid "just isn't for you." She went on to explain with an explanation that made no sense. She still ended up looking like an ass. This really really hurt my feelings. No one wants to be told that someone doesn't love your kid, ESPECIALLY family. And what's more, she went on to say that she's being pressured to have a little girl by my mother in law because my mother in law wants to finally be able to buy girly things (she had 3 boys)...Um, HELLO, does my mother in law not realize she already has a granddaughter that she could spoil with girly things???? Hailey loves her and my husband's mom acts like she's just "okay." She NEVER asks to keep her overnight or even watch her for a couple hours so she can play with her. And now apparently she's trying to replace her altogether, hoping my sister in law has a little girl. I'm so fed up with his family. I'm fed up with them not caring about Hailey. They are obsessed with my brother and sister in law's kids but don't care one way or the other about Hailey. She loves them to pieces, it breaks my heart that they treat her like this. How can grown adults be so immature and rude? I'm just really upset by all of this...by the comment my sister in law made, and finding out that my mother in law wants my sister in law to have a girl so she can "finally" have a little girl to spoil... :( My heart just breaks for Hailey. She doesn't understand why they act that way. I don't even know what to say.

Picture post--I'll go back and delete some of these later :)

A few weekends ago we went to my little sister's house to FINALLY clean my car! Hailey had fun playing with Nana while A and I cleaned. After a few hours and a lot of effort, it looked pretty darn good!

Hailey loving the warm weather!

Stepping on ants...

Hailey's first dandelion puff experience...she can't quite blow hard enough yet!

Good job! This would be my little sis...

Poser...(yea I'm a loser HAHA)

I have no idea where these bolts came from?? Hopefully they weren't important??

It's amazing how much crap I was carrying around in my car...tons of shoes, a whole load of laundry, REEEEALY old green tea...

This is just from cleaning my dash and inside the front doors...grody...

We found this on my ceiling...I believe it is very very old petrified DQ shake...

Wondering what the heck the white stuff on my ceiling is...

Taking a drive...in the garage...with the car off :) She thought she was pretty darn cool...

Hailey and Nana...

Also a couple pictures from Hailey's birthday on April 14th...

Nothing like cake off a rat's butt...mmmmm...

Her Loving Family doll house...this is just what it came with, she has a lot more accessories now!

More randomness...I'm just full of it today!

I just talked to my sister. My dad might possibly be staying in my little brother's bedroom at my sister's house. Where my stepmom lives. I'm so tired of my family. They get a divorce and my dad moves my brother's crazy mother down here and says they're together then denies he ever said that and now supposedly they've saved up all this money and have their things packed and are hiding out upstairs at my dad's house just waiting to run out on him (my brother's brother's court date is today--for when he assaulted my sister). They blew up at my dad the other night and had my little brother really scared that my dad was going to get hurt. Apparently my brother's mother just came down here to get him, not to help my dad out. Shady, shady people. And crazy at that. So supposedly for his safety and because of my little brother's depressed breakdown about his family falling apart, my dad is maybe going to move into my sister's house. He says he still loves my stepmom, which DUH everybody knew but now SHE'S saying that they were together for so many years that surely there was a reason they were together. I just hate it. They never should have gotten divorced if they still thought they might want to be together. I'm ultra-upset almost to the verge of tears that my little sister is going to be thrown back into this all again. It's her own fault I know, I mean she didn't take my advice and get her own place, she let her mom move in with her. And now she's stuck in this lease with her mom. And I was so excited when they got their place because my dad is nothing but drama and it's been nice going over there to hang out with no worries that anything's going to happen. I just want my sister to get away from them so we can have a normal family but I'm starting to think that'll never happen.

So, switching gears again...on a more positive note, when I went home for lunch today I noticed that the cleaning fairy had been to my house this morning...not only did he unload/reload/run the dishwasher, but my microwave was also cleaned out and apparently both the kitchen and bathroom trashcans were emptied. I think somebody felt bad about last night :)

And I'll end this with another cute Hailey story...D was with her this morning until about 11:30. She was NOT happy when he was the one to get her up this morning. She cried begged for me and threw huge fits and even hit him for about 30 minutes. He tried time out, being sweet to her, everything and nothing worked. Finally she resorted to laying on the floor, depressed, refusing to even talk to him. He called me and my first instinct was to rush home and save the day. But luckily he was able to get her to talk to me on the phone. I asked her if she wanted a bagel and she brightened up right away. I told her to tell Daddy to go get her a bagel. She said "Daddy, go to the kitchen and get me a gagel." Then I told her to have fun with Daddy and show him her toys and play Wintendo (the Wii) with him. I told her I loved her so much and she said "I love you too" and then she was fine, back to her normal happy self. Thank God she's reached the age that I can talk to her over the phone and help when I can't actually be there in person. And who knew bagels were so uplifting to the spirits! LOL

D called me back about 5 minutes later and said "Do I have to do anything to this to get it ready to eat?" I might note that these are those new Bagelfulls from Kraft...Hailey loves them. Only way I can get her to eat the bagel and not just lick the cream cheese off the top! So I told him no, he just needed to peel the plastic down halfway and give it to her to eat, just like a candy bar. I told him NOT to take the plastic off because she would throw a huge fit and refuse to eat it. I also told him to give her a strawberry cream cheese one because the original ones are mine and I doubt she'd like it and then she wouldn't want a strawberry one if he offered that to her afterwards. He was so confused. "What do you mean strawberry or original, there isn't any cream cheese on this thing!" I told him to just look at the package and it says right on there. He said "I'm looking at these multigrain bagels on the counter!" OH JEEZ. I said "Honey, those aren't bagels, those are english muffins! The bagels are in the fridge in the box!" He said "No wonder when I showed her the package and asked her if she was sure she wanted a bagel she said 'Daddy that's not a gagel, that's bread!'" I could hear her in the background screaming "Somebody's outside mowing! Mowing the grass!" She was so excited, she loves to watch the mowers. I'm just glad he's trying to get things right and calling me for help. Really makes me feel better. Course when I showed up today at lunch she was running around in her blue puppy pjs, hair not combed, eating a pop tart with her pink fake crocs on. LOL Men...

Seriously

I just found out my sister in law is pregnant again. This one was a surprise, they weren't wanting anymore...they'd found a dr. to do my brother in laws vasectomy. And now they're pregnant. She's exactly as far along as I was going to be if I'd gotten a positive test. Due in December. I feel bad for her, she's really upset. They don't have the money for another one. Baby W is only 7 months old...this baby will be their 3rd. But you better believe the inlaws will be jumping for joy and supporting them any way they can (they would have been devastated at our news if we had been).

I'm relieved I'm not pregnant because I really really wanted to PLAN our next one. I'm thanking God I'm not the one in this situation right now. I'm not the one all nervous at how my inlaws are going to react because we don't have the money or the room in our house. Or freaking out about being able to afford daycare.

It still would have been pretty stinking awesome if we were pregnant at the exact same time. She's one of those types of women that it would have been really neat to be pregnant with. And God wouldn't the inlaws have shit their britches, 2 pregnant daughter in laws and 2 babies at once! Would have been pretty neat.

Now she's really pushing us to try for another one. Maybe once we get into our new place this summer, have more room, know more of how D's career is going to go...then we can think about trying. We'll see...

Never a dull moment...

As I've gotten older I've often thought they could make a reality show w/ my life. Seriously, it's like crazy crap just finds me. There really is never a dull moment in my life. Right now of course there's the maybe baby issue, which I still have not found out an answer to. Yesterday Hailey got an explosive case of diaper rash that left her begging for help to anyone who'd listen, the poor thing. My mom apparently clogged up my kitchen sink with spaghetti noodles...I spent a good half hour picking noodles, plastic pieces from Lord knows what and wookies out of my drain with my tweezers (ew--I ran them through the dishwasher, ok?). Which led to a huge cleaning frenzy during which I scrubbed my sink til it was sparkly and like new, threw away a bunch of old cleaning products and organized the cabinet under my kitchen sink, threw away old baby bottles (because they contain BPA) and misc. candy and odds and ends, emptied and reloaded the dishwasher, cleared everything out of our silverware drawer and completely cleaned and disinfected it (since D had spilled something in it and not told me--it was crusty and GROSS), did 3 loads of laundry and even cleared out Hailey's PJ drawer (and realized she's only got 3 pairs of Spring/Summer pjs that fit her). What a night.

My grandma called and wanted to know if she went to my dad's Saturday if I'd go over and let her see Hailey, which ticked me off. She can never come to my house for some reason. Hell she hasn't seen Hailey since my sister's wedding in December. I told her Hailey's little friend turns 2 that day and we already told her we'd go to her party at 1:00 that day. My grandma wanted us to go to my dad's around 10! Hailey isn't even up by then some weekends! She usually wakes up at like 9 or 10! I'm proud of myself for standing my ground and telling my grandma this, and telling her 11 is the earliest we can be over there. I'm pissed. If I don't bend to her needs and give in and go over there I'll be on her shit list forever, and God knows she's psycho and would spread all kinds of crap about me...just like the time she picked a fight with me before my wedding and not only did she not show up at my wedding, she'd called all her family and told them not to come either. Nice. So, unfortunately, to prevent more trouble for myself I have to get up extra early on Saturday not, get myself ready, wake Hailey up and get her ready and be at my dad's by 11. Then leave there smelling like smoke and ick and go to this party at 1:00 smelling like smoke when I don't even smoke!! I'll also have to wash Hailey's coat and whatever else we take into my dad's. That's why I don't go over there anymore. They don't smoke while we're there but the smell is still HORRIBLE. We always leave reeking.

But all of that dulls in comparison with the bomb my dad laid on me this morning. He called me at work, talking about the usual...how my stepmom is apparently crazy, how he's blamed for everything, how he's so stressed he just wants to end it all. And then he says "I'd tell you a huge secret if I thought I could trust you." ???? WTF. I told him of course he can trust me. He says "You can't tell ANYBODY, not even your sister." I told him fine, he can trust me. I promised.

Apparently I have another brother that none of us ever knew about. He's 16, lives in the same town I do. His mom knew my dad was married so when she found out she was pregnant she quit seeing him and never told him. She dated another man and got married. Then she found out recently my dad's getting divorced and told him what happened, how he's got a son and whatnot. The boy's been going to my dad's and visiting him. Apparently he's got pierced lips, dirty blonde hair, does his schooling over the internet, doesn't smoke, has a girlfriend that's turning 15 soon that's into bellydancing...oh and he likes to play the Wii. That's all I know about him. And I can't tell anybody. So, naturally, I'm telling all of you. Cause God who could keep a secret like that in? None of you know my family, so I didn't really lie to my dad.

It's really weird, he's been in this world, in this same town, since I was a little girl...I would've been in 3rd grade when he was born. My little brother was born when I was in 6th grade. I just can't imagine this boy has been here, in the same town, and I never knew about him. Honestly, I'm not really shocked. That's just the kind of stuff that happens in my life, unfortunately. But it's still just really weird. I want to meet him, at least see what he's like. My dad warned me that I do have to remember he's just a teenager. I just wonder what the rest of my family's going to think when they find out. I'm sure my sister will be pissed and refuse to talk to my dad anymore...my little brother, I don't know...he's into the terrible teens himself right now at 13 (how do they go from sweet little kids to saying "screw you!" in a matter of months??) so he may be pissed or he may be okay with it, who knows.

So...craziness...

Just another day in my life...

Weekend recap

This weekend went by really fast! The weather was beautiful. Another one of those "spring teasers"...it was so nice to be able to open up the windows and air out the house!

Friday night D and I were supposed to have our little date night. My mom came over to watch Hailey. D didn't even get home til almost 7:00 and took his sweet time getting ready! I was so irritated! Then his friend A called (the one that became a father to a little boy a few months ago--they came over for Super Bowl Sunday) and wanted us to meet them at Olive Garden and then go to a movie. They live 30 minutes out of town...I told him no WAY were we going to eat there and make it to a movie on time. Talk about a bummer! I was THIS close to having Olive Garden twice that day! We decided to just grab something fast separately and then meet up at the theater. D and I got our Wendy's (I stuffed myself) then ran by Target to get some movie candy (I refuse to pay an arm and a leg for candy I can get for a buck at Target or Walmart--D's friend said he wouldn't go to the movie w/ me and my contraband or something like that LOL) and ended up buying Hailey a Car's Easter basket! Like she needs it, I know...but we couldn't pass it up. We got her a couple little dollar items (Cars themed, of course) to put in it and also the Ratatoille (sp??) movie on sale for $10. Ok that last one was mostly for me. I really wanted to see that movie. I have yet to get to watch it, but from the few minutes I got to see while Hailey was semi-watching it I think I'll love it! Then we drove over to the theater (both of us belting out Rascall Flatts songs--good times!) and met A, his girlfriend K and our Mexican friend R. We love R, he makes everybody laugh non-stop! We saw Semi-Pro which I thought looked pretty stupid from the previews. It was hilarious! I laughed so hard I snorted. Afterwards they all came back to our house. My mom had watched Hailey at our house because she has a cold, so she was in bed sleeping. I love having people over, it's great. And I actually talked to K this time...normally she doesn't talk hardly at ALL. I guess she's shy?? Anyway we talked for a good 4 hours or so...nice and all, but GOD they didn't leave til almost 4:00 in the freaking morning! They were childless for the night...I had to get up w/ Hailey the next day! Luckily she slept til 10:30 he next day, the lovely darling that she is, and we were able to get a nap Saturday afternoon.

Saturday I was just about to head over to my dad's (you know, trying to stay on his good side) when a friend of the family called to see if I wanted to go to lunch with her at a local Chinese place. She told me she'd been craving a certain dish we love from there...huge coincidence because I've been craving it for like a month!! This lady is like another mom to me. We lived next door to them for years. Her daughter, the 27 year old that had her wedding in St. Louis in October of last year, has been one of my good friends since I was 10 years old. This lady, DS, has been a SAHM forever. She does the accounting for her husband's business. So she's always been home. Back in the day, even if nobody else was home, I'd go over and eat lunch with her. I think back then she saw me as sort of a bratty little kid. But now we get along so well, I think I'm better friends with her than my mom is these days! Actually during a recent phone conversation with DS, she told me I've really matured into a nice young woman (or something along those lines) and if you knew this woman, you'd be as shocked as I was. It's just not like her to be so sentimental and nice like that! Another thing that has brought us closer is the fact that they're like another set of grandparents to Hailey. They were so excited when they found out I was expecting (they don't have any real grandchildren yet) and they always call wanting to see Hailey. They're always buying her really thoughtful gifts too (they bought her a Jumperoo when she was about 7 months old and I was so touched I cried--we didn't have the money for one and DS knew how bad I wanted one for Hailey). ANYWHO...Hailey and I met her for lunch and it was so nice. I wish I had more time to just hang out with my close friends like that. It was well worth the 10 bucks I spent on my meal to sit and talk with a good friend for an hour! She even complimented my new shirt...which doesn't seem like much to most people but it really meant a lot to me coming from this woman. I really need to try and make more time in our lives for this family, especially this summer. DS is already making plans for Hailey to help us do our annual Spring flower plant at her house like we always do!

The few hours went okay at my dad's Saturday. Nothing major. We went on a walk w/ my brother, sister and cousin and I got to talk to my other brother for a little bit which made him happy. He's getting bored, he can't find a job. Hopefully he'll find something soon, his two boys are supposed to come for the summer.

So, for the big news...well, not huge, but big to me...we're moving this summer! This weekend was the last straw. We were cleaning the furnace closet yesterday while Hailey was napping (she was a DEVIL child yesterday, SO BAD...totally not like her!) and realize there's black mold spots growing all over our furnace and ductwork in there! I don't know for SURE that it's mold, but whatever it is it's icky looking. So, the place is too small...our yard always has dog crap in it from rude people that don't pick up after their pet...the air conditioner gets worse and worse every summer (last summer it quit working altogether and they refused to replace it, they just repaired it which will only last til this summer I'm sure), I can never get ahold of the rental agency, the traffic has REALLY picked up over there...and the last straw...the NOISY FREAKING PEOPLE that have moved in all around us. It's crazy. The Mexicans across the way are so quiet...until they get in their vehicles. I shit you not, their truck's music bumps so loud my windows all throughout my house rattle. All hours of the night. Our neighbors have taken to playing Guitar Hero or whatever til 4:00 in the morning. Their dogs bark a lot. And then last night the wind was blowing like crazy and the Guitar Hero neighbor's wind chime would NOT BE QUIET. It was so loud and it's right by Hailey's bedroom window and about 15 feet from ours. 1:30 am I was going to go take it down myself but they were still up...playing video games...so I couldn't. I'm going on about 3 hours of sleep today! Did I mention how bad I hate our neighbors?? So I did some serious research today and found some places I'm super excited about! They're closer to Hailey's sitter. They're 1562 sqft (we only have 1200 now), 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bath, 1 car garage, fenced in backyards, and all 3 bedrooms are upstairs so the master isn't separated from the kids' rooms! And they're only 60$ more a month than we're paying now! We'll have to pay for cable too, so we'll really have to watch what we spend, but to have that extra room would be SO worth it! You have to get on a waiting list to get one this summer so I'm going to look at them tomorrow. D can't go unfortunately but he doesn't really care...he said he trusts me :) I'm driving my mom by there tonight after I get home from physical therapy. We're going to use our good ol' tax bonus to move that we get in May or whenever we're supposed to get them. Hopefully it all works out!

What all my hard "organizational" work resulted in yesterday--room for Hailey's toys in the hall closet! (I'm hoping family doesn't buy toys for her birthday this year--they've already spoiled her WAY too much!)

TGIF

We didn't get to go to Olive Garden at lunch :( I was so excited too. My mom felt so bad, but she'd just gone to get her passport (her boyfriend is taking her to Jamaica on a company trip in April!) before lunch and the post office charged her an extra $40 or so in fees that weren't stated on the website! I don't think that's right...they should say $140 plus shipping or something, not just "Only $140" or whatever it states! Anywho, no biggie. Was just as nice eating a frozen Marie Calendar's meal while talking to my mom at her house. I feel so bad for her. I know I mentioned her situation in my post where I freaked out and told my stinking life story pretty much...how she took this 9 month, lower paying job because her boyfriend had talked about them moving in together and then suddenly he backed off a lot and here she is stuck, not bringing in enough money, sucky benefits etc...and none of the insurance companies here in town will hire her because it's like there's some unspoken rule between the companies that they don't hire each other's employees. Seriously it's weird. Unless the person is very trained in a highly specialized field, but that's very rare. She's sort of stuck where she's at. And her part time, good-paying job cut expenses after she left and dropped her position. I just wish so bad I was financially set and could help her out. She's always worked so hard to support me all my life, and now as an adult is having a hard time supporting herself all of a sudden. Things cost too much and she makes too little (less than I do, which makes me feel so bad--I just got really lucky and went into a field that I can still make some money in w/ no education). It's also hard not to sort of try and lecture her...I mean just nicely tell her "Well you know if you did this" or "if you tried this." When she has money, like she used to, it's no problem. But now that she's on such a tight budget, it really matters how she handles it, what things she pays when etc...and it's not like she just blows money left and right. She just doesn't necessarily "manage" it well. Doesn't keep track like I do, of everything she spends money on...food, gas, bills. I always have to know at least roughly how much money I have in my account or I feel sick about it. I'm also an awesome bargain hunter and as my mom says, I can "squeeze a nickel and pop out a dollar." :) I've offered to sit down with her and help her figure out a plan of action to get her back on track many times over the years, but she always declines. She says it won't help, but I think it might be at least partly because what mother wants their kid telling them how to handle their life like that? Anyway, she's a really nice, normal person...just needs a different job, that's all.

Dan and I are probably getting Wendy's tonight, and going to see a movie. So that's exciting. I'm making Dan not go to work. I love that he has such a flexible schedule. He'd only make about $9.50 tonight since they close an hour early...so I say, what's the point. Getting to spend an evening with him is much more important to me than $9.50. :) My mom's going to watch Hailey for us. Not sure where yet, she might have her keep her at our house and put her to bed in her own bed...she's come down with yet another cold, as I've said before, and I think she'd sleep better in her own bed if she's coughing and whatnot.

My mom checked out the book 'Remember Me?' by Sophie Kinsella today. It's her newest release, I'm super excited to read it! It's a "Most Wanted" so I've only got a week! My mom started to read it first before she gave it to me. I asked her why she didn't want to finish it. Her response: "Are ALL her books British?" I told her yes, they're all set over in London or around there. Apparently, she doesn't like that whole culture much! Drives her nuts how they talk! LOL I never knew this about my mother. I love their words for things...I wish I could say "nappy" for diaper or "sodding" whatever when I'm mad. I would love to visit London some day (you know, if I didn't have that whole fear of flying thing going on). My mom and I are so alike, yet so different. :)

Deployed

Hailey's beloved Uncle, my brother in law (the one my sister just married in December) leaves today to go back to Iraq for the 2nd time. He was there all last summer too. We all have a bad feeling about this time for some reason. A feeling we didn't have last time. He's been calling my sister crying because he's so scared to go. He knows what to expect this time, which makes it worse. One of his friends was killed the last time they were there too. When he came back he wasn't himself. It took him a long time to loosen up and be sort of who he used to be again. And now he's going back. We're praying that the months go by fast and praying for his safe return...and for my sister, that she has the strength to get through this next 6 to 8 months.

Please pray for him, if you're the praying type.

The other side

So this is also NOT what I wanted to write about today. But I need to get it out. There are two sides to every story. I know that. Every time something happens with my dad I always wait to hear both sides and then make my decision on where I stand w/ whatever the issue is. This time, what they said about my dad was so insane, I automatically thought he'd cracked and went nutty and believed every damn word that was being fed to me. UGH

My dad's side of the story is that he called out to my step-sister's to talk to my little brother. They wouldn't let him get on the phone. My dad says he could hear my little brother in the background wanting to talk to him. Apparently they put some guy on the phone, a neighbor, that threatened my dad. My dad says that made him lose it, because of his "psychological problems" and he went out there to get his son. He also said he wasn't drunk, which I believe because he passed a breathalyser. But that's when his story doesn't fit. He says he went right out to get my brother...ok so why did he call and threaten my step-mom's parents? The evidence that that really happened is right there on casenet, where they state that both her parents have ex-parte's against him as of that night. And also, they went to a bar before going out to my step-sister's...I know that happened because my brother got arrested at this bar! My dad then bailed him out of jail, THEN they went out to my step-sister's. He says he knocked on the door and they let them in. My step-mom hugged my brother (not her son) and my dad says he went over to the neighbor guy that threatened him on the phone and told him NOBODY comes between him and his son (my little brother). He says then all hell broke loose. My dad has 2 broken ribs, so they did beat him. Nobody else in the family (even my step-sister whom he supposedly choked) has a mark on them. He said when he realized that it was all a set up and that they'd had that guy provoke him because they KNEW what his response would be, he jumped in the car and left. He said he sort of blacked out at that point and all he remembers is swerving around a car (that would be a cop!) and then a bunch of flashing lights and a bunch of cops pointing guns at him. Then he went to jail.

So, he swears he wasn't drinking. He wasn't, that was proved. But what he's completely failing to acknowledge here is EVERYTHING that happened between him and I that night. How I called him on my way to physical therapy and told him I was bringing the dog by that night...how he asked me to do it another night because he said "to be honest with you I'm pretty lit." So he WAS on something that night. Whether he's avoiding that whole topic because he knew he hurt my feelings and doesn't want to confront the fact, or whether he's avoiding it because he KNOWS he told me he was high on something...I'll never know.

Another factor in the story that I didn't know until now. My step-sister (the idiot that she is--I'm not being judgmental here but she's not the brightest)filed fraudulent taxes and her husband (they're separated because he's a LOSER) somehow found out about it. She's blaming my dad. What she doesn't realize is it wasn't my dad that told him, it was my little brother. My little brother has a big mouth. You cannot tell him ANYTHING you don't want somebody to know. Bless his heart he just can't keep secrets. The family knows this. It's my step-sister's fault for letting my little brother know what she was in trouble for. (Ok I was totally curious about how she filed fraudulently...basically she can only claim 2 of her kids on her taxes and her husband was supposed to be able to claim my youngest nephew. Well my step-sister had my sister-in-law's MOTHER claim her youngest son!! HELLO, STUPID! And my sister-in-law's mother and my step-sister split the money. This whole situation is incredibly stupid! How in the world did she think she could get away with that?? And it's illegal! Why would she even THINK about doing that?? UGH! STUPID!) So basically my dad is saying this whole situation was a set-up, to get back at him for telling my step-sister's husband what she did, and my dad is not the one that told him.

HELLO DRAMA.

So I don't know what the hell to believe. I know some parts of each side are true. I know some parts of each side are huge lies. My problem here is that yes my dad is insane, yes he scares me at times, and yes he has hurt people in the past. But the other side is also just as nutty, and they've done bad things too. Here I was wishing my dad would go to jail for life when maybe he WAS set up, maybe this WASN'T all his fault and maybe he DIDN'T do all the things they said he did. I hate not knowing who to believe. I don't want to be around my dad if that stuff really did happen, but if it didn't I don't want to punish him for it by being cold and uncaring to him. I mean he's my dad. It's just a really tough situation. Luckily for the time being I seem to be dealing with it okay and staying on the good side of both parties. I guess that's all I really can do. And if the other side of the family gets mad at me for it. Well I guess tough shit. I can't please everybody, and frankly they aren't a big part of my life at all so at this point, with as much as I have going on and as much stress as I seem to keep coming across if I have to cut them out of my life then so be it.

Really, I just hate being lied to. It really hurts my feelings.

Busy weekend!

We had a very busy weekend this weekend! Friday night was spent at my mom's. I cooked dinner, Hailey played...after dinner I relaxed on the couch and watched What Not to Wear.

Saturday we got up, cleaned ourselves up and straightened up the house a little bit and then went to lunch with my stepmom and little sister. That was so much fun! We haven't done that EVER. Seriously. I know this divorce has been really hard on all of us...we've gone through some really tough times since my step mom moved out with my grandma going insane and threatening everybody, my dad trying to kill himself, my sister being so stressed she's moving out etc. BUT...things are starting to finally come together. My stepmom is much happier, I can tell the difference in her just by looking at her! She's finally able to be her own person and do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. Going out to lunch, just us girls, was so nice...I hope we can have many more times like that in the future. After lunch we drove all around town trying to find a place for my little sister and stepmom to live. This town is over-run by college kids...finding a good rental in a quiet/nice area that doesn't cost an arm and a leg and isn't teeny tiny is really hard to find around here. We got lucky when we found our place! After that Hailey and I headed over to my dad's. My dad is also doing great, despite his mounting health problems. His liver isn't functioning as well as it should and the one kidney he has left is showing signs of failing...but he's in good spirits and trying to make the best out of things lately which is a huge change from just a month ago. My brother moved back here from another state a couple weeks ago (he's going to be 24 next month) and brought his little brother along with him (he's 20). They're living with my dad and it's really brightened my dad's spirits. Saturday evening we got to see my brother for the first time since Hailey was 5 months old. Hailey went right to him! She's really shy with people she's not around a whole lot and takes a while to warm up to people. She hates my husband's dad and freaks out when he even comes in the door. I have no idea why. She tolerates D's mom. She's always taken a while to warm up to my dad. But for some reason Saturday night she went right to my dad and sat on his lap and watched Spongebob for a while which made him incredibly happy. He went from seeming like he didn't feel good to getting up and cooking us all dinner and visiting with everybody like nothing was wrong. Hailey sat on my brother's lap for a long time and kept leaning over to steal looks at S, my brother's little brother. At our wedding my brother M was the only person that could get Hailey to settle down and go to sleep (she was only 3 months old). He stayed with us in the women's building while we got ready to take care of Hailey. It was so sweet. I don't know what it is...but she still loves him to pieces. He has two little boys of his own, ages 3 and 5 that his ex has full custody of...he is so good with little kids though. He was doting on her all night. My dad had a full house with me, Hailey, my 2 brothers, my brother's brother, my littlest brother's friend K (who's always around and is basically like another little brother), my little sister and my cousin. We all ate dinner and visited and had a great time.

Sunday started off with a little family turmoil but ended up okay. Hailey started off the day showing us how incredibly cute and funny she is. She went to put a bowl of dry cereal in the sink. I told D she was going to dump it all over the floor, I just knew it. Sure enough the bowl tipped backwards and the cereal scattered all over the kitchen floor. I wish I had what happened next on film. It was priceless. Hailey's jaw dropped as she looked down at the cereal and she said "OH MY GOD!!" I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. Did she really just say that? Then she said "OH MY GOD MOMMY!!" I hope I remember that moment forever. It was the most adorable thing ever. I got up and went in there. She said "Mommy I make a mess! Help me clean up??" and started frantically scooping up the cereal. I stood her up facing me and kissed her on the nose and told her she was the cutest thing ever and I loved her. I told her to put the cereal on the rug and we'd shake it off outside to feed the birds, which she thought was really neat. That started the morning off great. Then my inlaws called and invited us over for the Super Bowl. I told D we just couldn't go. It was too last minute. I'd kept Hailey out late both Fri. and Sat. night and said I was keeping her home Sunday. She wanted to be home! He told his parents we'd come and we fought about it a little. He told me that I had to call them and tell them we weren't coming and I refused...they are HIS parents, he needs to grow some balls and deal with them himself...I'm tired of being the bad guy!! I was so mad. He just didn't get why Hailey couldn't go...he doesn't understand how much sleep a toddler needs and how she was already so worn out from running around all weekend to see family. My family had made our plans the previous week. His parents can't do that. They ALWAYS call last minute and expect us to drop what we're doing and do what they want. It's always been like that. When Hailey had been home from the hospital a couple days even, and I was struggling with being a new mom and freaking out about breastfeeding right and crying and just having a really rough time, they'd call at 8:00 at night and say they were almost at our house to see Hailey...no warning, nothing. So instead of being able to get into a routine and try to deal with things, we had to sit there until 10:30 at night or whenever they'd decide it was time to go. Hailey would sleep the whole time they were there too, so by the time they left she'd wake up and I could've gotten 2 or 3 good hours of sleep...and they NEVER have understood why we tell them no. Just like on Hailey's first 4th of July when it was boiling hot outside and I could tell something wasn't right with her. She was gagging and throwing up a lot but they insisted she was fine and took her outside and passed her around from one sweaty person to another. I fumed inside until I finally went and grabbed her and said we were leaving. The next morning she went into the hospital for a few days with an extremely high fever and she was refusing to eat and had a bad rash etc. They just don't get it! Yesterday after much "discussion," a phonecall to my mom where I cried that I was ready for a divorce, D blowing up at my mom when she came over for something really small and stupid and then us all making amends...D decided he wanted to invite his friend and his girlfriend and their 3 week old little boy down instead. It's NOT that I didn't want to go to his parent's house. I would LOVE for them to invite us over sometime or call and ask to keep Hailey for a few hours or even a day...but they NEVER do this...they never call to watch her at ALL...and when they call for us to come over it's so last minute we've always made other plans already or it just doesn't fit into our schedule. I'm so sick of it! So anyway D called his dad without any prompting from me and told him we'd decided to keep Hailey home instead and were having A and his family over. His dad said "OK bye" and hung up on him. These people are so immature it's ridiculous. We didn't let it bother us. We hurried up and cleaned up the house, me working on the bathroom, D the kitchen and my mom helped pick up the living room so D could vacuum. I cleaned the kitchen floor. That is one thing I LOVE LOVE LOVE about having company...I get a clean house!!! My mom, Hailey and I ran by Walmart to load up on snacks. I even bought a 6 pack of beer and told myself I deserved one after the day I'd had...but of course since we just don't drink I ended up not having one and D only drank 2. We had a nice peaceful evening visiting with our friends, stuffing ourselves on wings, pizza rolls, cheese dip etc. and holding a baby and a toddler! Hailey loves A and had a lot of fun playing with him all evening. I didn't hold baby L a whole lot because I've been sick with a cold and although the only symptom I have left is a clogged right ear I just couldn't bear the thought of this itty bitty cute baby getting a cold. I pray to God there were no germs lurking about...they knew that we had been sick and still brought him though which I was quite surprised at. I think his mom is pretty relaxed since she's been taking care of her 2 nieces forever. Hailey was having so much fun I couldn't bear to make her go to sleep w/ them there so she didn't get to bed until 10:30 but she went right to sleep then. We had a great night and Hailey woke up in a great mood this morning. While I was drying my face I heard a little voice say "Mommy?" I opened the door and turned the corner and there she was, standing at her bedroom door with the light on. She said "I wake up!" Morning couldn't have gone better...great moods, got out of the house on time and I even got to work on time! Well, 1 minute late but come on. That's on time. What a great start to the week...hopefully it's a sign of the great week we're going to have!!!

I have another physical therapy appt. after work today and for the first time I didn't shave my legs. Last time I did and got bad razor burn so this time I just said screw it. My PT told me last time she doesn't shave in the winter so I don't need to worry about it! I still feel weird about going with hairy legs though...

TGIF

Today has been better! Hailey slept OK last night...finally. She actually slept fairly soundly (I think, unless I was just too stinking tired to hear her) from about midnight til 5:15 this morning. She was in a MUCH better mood this morning, chasing the kitty around the dining table and helping me get dressed...she was actually fun this morning! :) And it's FRIDAY, thank God. For a short week, this week lasted FOREVER!


My kitty had her first ever dental today (she's almost 9!) and did great. Hailey thought it was very neat that kitty got to ride in the car with us this morning! At first when kitty was meowing really loud she told her "It's okay Z, it's okay. I know, it's okay" it was so sweet! Halfway to school she changed to "Z, be quiet! BE QUIET!" LOL She's too funny...

Hunting for the roly polies that have been invading our living room for some odd reason...2 peas in a pod! :o)

If my life were really a soap opera, this would be a BAD episode...

Things just keep getting more "interesting" around here. You know how it is in my life. One dramatic even after another, almost always involving my dad's side of the family. Remember the brother I blogged about forever ago that went on the Maury show to find out if his kids were really his or if they were his uncle's? YEAAA.... anyway my sister and I found out last night that he's moving back with yet another one of his brothers. I have no idea which brother, how old he is, anything...but if he's anything like the other brothers M has brought to town, he's a "douchebag"(in the lovely words of my husband). We are so not excited about this. We're actually pretty pissed, to put it nicely. My brother caused all kinds of problems the last time he was down here (including hitting on my sister--HIS sister--in one of his many drunken/drugged up hazes!!!! EW!!!) and like every other time left without any notice. Apparently this time my dad has been talking to my brother for a while about moving down here. I guess since my stepmom filed for divorce and he didn't succeed in killing himself, now he's groping about for any bit of family he can get. To keep him busy? I have no clue. He was just starting to act somewhat normal again. Having us over for dinner. Talking about his new grand daughter (my sister's new Schipperke puppy--oh so cute!). Then he drops this bomb on us. My brother will be here at 6:00 today. He's living with my dad. Which means my dad will begin drinking again and quite possibly doing drugs again. I think I'm still in shock at the news.

In other news, Hailey is still not sleeping well. She went to sleep by 9:20, was up by 10:20, didn't get her back to sleep til 1:00am. I'm at my wits end. I'm exhausted. She's exhausted. I have to get her up at 6:40 during the week. She begged me to go back to bed this morning. She threw tantrum after tantrum and refused to let go of me at the sitter's. She had to bribe her with Cookie Crisp (I muttered "Thank GOD for cookies" and quickly left!) to get her to let me leave. I got to work at 7:35 and already had a horrible migraine. BLAH

I SO deserve a cherry sundae tonight!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE GOD let Hailey sleep tonight. Please. I'm exhausted...

Is this even an option?

My mom has brought an option up to me quite a few times...and I've thought of it myself over the last year. Every time it's brought up we both say it just wouldn't work...and I really don't think it would. But I'm really interested to hear opinions on this subject, so I thought I'd throw it out there.

My mom and I are best friends. I mean I she is really and truly the one person that I'm almost always in the mood to hang out with. We've always been best friends, even when I was a little girl. My parents separated when I was a year old and divorced when I was about three. My mom has always been my one person I can count on through thick and thin. We're so much alike it's scary. We don't even have to talk sometimes, because we're almost always thinking the same thing. She knows when I'm going to call her (we talk on the phone multiple times daily, to the point that my husband jokes about it) and she knows when something's wrong with me before I have even talked to her that day. Thursday night before she went to bed something told her to plug her phone in (she usually unplugs it at night so nobody will wake her up). So when I called her at 3:30am she answered on the first ring and wasn't surprised at what I told her. She's at my house about 5 days of the week. We cook dinner together, go grocery shopping together, hang out on the weekends together. She loves Hailey to pieces. She's the 3rd part to our little circle now. So we keep saying it's silly for my mom to have her own place, a job she doesn't like and us to have to pay for Hailey to be in daycare when my mom would be more than happy to stay home and care for her. We keep saying if she would quit her day job and move in with us, we could 1. afford a bigger/nicer place to live because we'd be $500 a month richer for not having to pay daycare and 2. we would never have to worry what we were going to do with Hailey when she's sick. Dan and I could both keep working, we could afford a house, afford to have another kid. But...my mom and I fought really bad when we lived together. We each needed our own space. Even now, if we spend a little too much time together in a week, we start to bicker a bit. Would it ever work, all living together under one roof? I know other people that do it. My sister in law's mother lives with them and watches my nephew while they're at work. My stepmom lives with my step sister and her kids. I know other races do it a lot too, esp. Mexican and Asian families. It's common in their culture. My husband wouldn't mind. He gets along great with my mom. If we found a place that was big enough, that had separate levels to where we could still each have our own space...would this be such a bad thing? Our fear is, we'd move in together to try it out, not get along, and 1. my mom would be out her wonderful townhouse that is cheap in rent but in a good area and 2. we'd be stuck in a lease on a place we can't afford. I mean to start off she'd keep working and we'd keep Hailey in daycare. We'd just see if living together would even work. But also I worry about my kids getting too attached to my mom. Or the other way around. We lived with my grandma when I was little and I loved it. I never saw her as my mom, just like a "second mom" sort of. I had different relationships with my mom and my grandma. I'm sort of just putting my thoughts down on "paper" here. Does anybody have any thoughts on this sort of thing?

Okay

Things are okay. My dad is doing much better. At first he tried to lie and say he didn't try to kill himself, but then he called all of us and apologized and admitted what he did. We're glad he's still here. Hopefully things will get better for him from here on out.

We went to St. Louis yesterday for Christmas at the grandparents'. It went really well. Cousin W only got one present just like Hailey. Although he tried to open everybody's, including Hailey's. D had to actually yell at him to get him to stop opening Hailey's. Hailey had a good time. My mother in law played Wii tennis against D's grandma...and we were all shocked when his 80+ year old grandma totally rocked at the Wii! She beat everybody she played in tennis! It was so cute, she was so excited. She's been really down lately, saying she's in pain and stuff even though she's not really...hopefully this visit was just what she needed to make her feel better. Hailey showed off, counting to ten AND singing the ABC song for them. D's grandpa is very intellectual and he is beyond delighted at Hailey's smarts. She may not be the most physical little kid, but she sure shines in other areas.

At the grandparents' Hailey and W were hiding behind a chair at the dining table. We started smelling a smell and that's how W poops...he hides behind chairs. So we thought it was him. I asked Hailey, "Hailey did you poop?" She said "No, W pooped!" They both went to have their diapers changed. D opened her diaper and said "Hailey, YOU pooped! Pooey!!" Hailey said "Pooey W!" Even though the evidence was right there, in his empty and her full diaper, she was STILL trying to blame it on him!!

Here's Hailey and W looking out the front window at the Grandparents'...W is only 11 months older than Hailey and over a head taller than her! So cute...

Friday night my new brother in law, my sister, Hailey and I went to the mall to do a little shoe shopping for Hailey. I had her foot measured at the Kids Foot Locker and felt absolutely HORRIBLE. She needed to be in a size 6. Her shoes are a size 4. I felt like the worse mother ever. Then I couldn't find any decent tennis shoes in her size since it's right after Christmas and everything's gone. I ended up having to buy a pair of 40$ Nike's...but they are so cute, and she LOVES them. When I tried them on her in the store she wouldn't let me take them off. She said "Get back in the stroller, okay bye!" so we paid for the empty box and left. :o)

Here is our tree Christmas Eve night after Santa came:

Here is Hailey's ornament from last year, the little stuffed pig she picked out:

Here's Hailey's ornament from this year that I talked about in the last post:

Today my sister, brother in law and I went to Red Lobster while Hailey napped at my mom's and D played golf. We stuffed ourselves on crab legs, pasta, lobster artichoke dip and more...it was SO good! After that we went to pick up their wedding pics from the photographer. I always make my sister drive my car since I HATE driving. We were going along on a road that's pretty narrow and we came to a part that had crumbled away a bit in the icky winter weather...she accidently went off the road and POP went my back tire. 45 minutes later after a little help from the nice guy that owned the house we parked in front of, we had the lug nuts off and my car jacked up. The tire wouldn't come off. My dad came to the rescue and got the tire off. I think it made him feel important to come to our rescue like that :o) We had to drive to HellMart on the donut and 2.5 hrs + 3 new tires and an oil change later, we were headed back home. I wasn't mad at my sister at all. I needed new tires anyway, and it pushed me into getting my oil changed(my car needed it badly!). It was a bummer that we had to waste so many hours of the day, but oh well. Not the end of the world!

Now Hailey is freaking out because they just got home with pizza...she's pulling on my pantleg saying "Mommy get me pizza!!!" You'd think she gets pizza all the time by the way she yelled "PIZZA HERE!" when D walked in the door holding the boxes.

Holiday Recap

The first 2 days of our holiday break were awesome. I put Hailey to bed at a decent time Fri. and Sat. nights and she didn't have to get up early the next days...she also took good naps...she was like a different kid. No fits at all, hilariously silly, just a happy little camper. Sunday we went to my Grandma's for dinner, no drama at all except my dad not feeling well and refusing to eat. Hailey had a blast and got a cool new toy (Rainbow Aquadoodle Playmat, I highly recommend it) that she loves. Monday Hailey FINALLY picked out her Christmas ornament. We went to Hobby Lobby and she walked along the isles by herself, telling one woman that was blocking the isle "Excuse me" as she squeezed past. She picked out a King Fish ornament (I'll add a picture tonight) but the crown was broken. She threw a massive fit and wanted no other ornament, so I told her we could pay for it (she understands you have to pay for something to take it from a store, so when she wants something she asks to "pay for it"...if she doesn't want it she says "Put it back") and they gave me an extra 10% off the already 50% discounted price since it was broken. I'll have to hot glue it because the crown is a bit sharp at the base, but she hasn't noticed it hanging on the tree yet anyway.

Christmas day started off great. We took a couple hours to open presents. Hailey had a great time and loved all her gifts. She pushed her new doll stroller around and told us she was going to the store. When she opened her little horse she clapped her hands and say "YAY, a horse!" She even loved her clothes, exclaiming "CLOTHES! PAJAMAS!!" She's a true little girl. We were having a nice relaxing time until our inlaws called right after I'd gotten out of the shower and were griping that we weren't there yet (God forbid I get to clean my ass once in a while)...I had to rush to get us and everything ready to leave. Poor Hailey kept following me around all happy wanting to play, and I finally had to stop after bumping into her for the 3rd time and tell her I was really sorry but I needed her to get out of mommy's way. THIS BREAKS MY HEART. To see her standing there holding one of her new toys, so confused as to why things went from peaceful and fun to rushed and stressed. I don't know how, but next year things are going to be different. I'm sick of having Christmas ruined by my damn in laws. We got there at noon(seriously, that's not late at all) and they were actually acting okay. My nephew was being his normal incredibly annoying spoiled brat self, throwing a huge fit because Hailey didn't want to play with him. They MADE my daughter play with him so he'd be happy. They never get onto this kid, it was driving me insane. It was even driving my husband insane, and that's saying something. My BIL and SIL were doing nothing to reprimand him at all, leaving it up to my inlaws, and they don't reprimand him either they talk baby talk to him nicely. For the first time I saw my FIL and MIL, on separate occasions, get upset with this kid...but they did NOTHING to correct his behavior. It was stressing D and I out so bad. At present opening time Hailey had almost nothing to open, while spoiled little W had at least twice the gifts Hailey did, no exaggeration...and his were huge too...a black and decker tool bench included. I bet they spent a good 300$ on this kid, no joke, and about 50$ on Hailey(which 1 thing if they would ever read the family blog they would have seen she already had so we had to take it back, and 1 thing is a fizzy tub thing that changes the water colors that she can't use because it will irritate her little girl parts). It was seriously pitiful. Normally I wouldn't care, I mean it's not the gifts that count. But when you're 2 years old and your cousin is opening tons of cool presents and you have nothing to open, you get your feelings hurt. It broke my heart to have my daughter come to me crying because she had nothing to open and W was opening tons. All I could tell her was "I know sweetie, I'm sorry." She didn't understand, and damnit I don't either...why are they so different to her than they are to my BIL and SIL's kids??? My MIL made some comment to my SIL about how some of the gifts to the boys(my 4 month old nephew also got more gifts from my inlaws than Hailey did) were from the grandparents in St. Louis. I thought to myself Okay now why are their gifts here and Hailey's are still in St. Louis??? My MIL told me "Hailey's gift (notice the singular there, whereas the W boys had plural gifts) is still in St. Louis." My MIL later told me "We bought a bunch of gifts for W to be from the grandparents but they forgot and bought him more stuff"....hello, then TAKE WHAT YOU GOT HIM BACK or buy more for Hailey or something. Come on, don't make it that uneven, that is just so unfair to the kids. They broke Hailey's heart! Then at dinner I put my plate on the table and my insane MIL had put so much furniture polish on the table it slid right across and plopped onto my chair spilling my dinner...they ALWAYS have a table cloth on the table, but my MIL said she took it off because my 3 year old nephew W kept pulling it off. Hello, GET ONTO THE KID. My husband laughed hysterically at me and my mother in law was very annoyed although she tried to act like she wasn't. I don't get embarrased easily anymore, and I've known these people for going on 9 years...I'm completely comfortable around them. And I was OH.SO.MORTIFIED. I am 25 years old and I spilled my whole plate of food on the floor because I just didn't think. I hurried and ate, and got onto Hailey when she mimicked my 3 year old nephew W by not eating her food and growling at us. At which point she stopped, and ate. Hmmm, amazing what a little discipline will do for a kid....grr.... After the whole present fiasco Hailey started playing with W's toys while he went outside and ran around like a wild child (Did I mention it was 50 freaking degrees outside??? Gotta love MO weather...I was actually wishing it was colder, I was sweating because of all the running around we had to do!). Finally my husband starts taking stuff out to the car including our 170$ worth of Christmas pictures of Hailey I'd brought to hand out. They started a snowball fight. I went to yell out the door at D that those pictures were 170$ and he needed to put them away so they didn't get ruined and SPLAT my husband's snowball hit me smack dab right in the middle of the forehead. It was in my eyes, everywhere. I was so upset. I wiped myself off and went inside and grabbed my daughter, told everyone bye and we left. It may have been my imagination but when my MIL hugged me she lingered a bit, hugging me a little tight...I'm hoping that meant she understood my frustrations of the day and didn't hold anything against me...we shall see. Once we got in the car, my husband apologized, I cried a little, we both laughed at what happened, we both vented our frustrations about his parents and our nephew and then breathed a huge sigh of relief. We called my mom to let her know we were coming and immediately relaxed. The rest of the day was great! We got to my mom's a little after 3 and took the rest of the day to open presents, visit, eat dinner and loads of cookies(pictures to come), watch a couple movies and just have a great time! When my mom gave Hailey her last present, a pink, purple and white Radio Flyer trike, Hailey gasped and said "My bicycle, thank you O...!" (She calls my mom something odd, not sure if I've posted about it before...) That was the first time that whole day she'd say thank you without my prompting...it was so sweet. On the way home we went to look at Christmas lights again. After we put Hailey to bed D and I organized and put everything away. It was a great end to the day.

Then yesterday hit, and all hell broke loose.

First off Hailey pooped so she woke up earlier than she needed to. D's friend came over, so Hailey refused to nap. She was a CRANKY BUTT the whole day and didn't want me at all. I was exhausted. Finally my mom and I snuck out to go return some stuff to HELL MART. I officially HATE that store. The pissy old hag in the customer service dept. was the last straw. My mom started all uppety with her when she got smart with my mom about not having her receipt, even though we were just trying to exchange my PJ's that obviously came from there and it was their fault because the tops were a small and the bottoms were a large(hello, their mistake not ours!) and I told my mom to take it down a notch. My mom NEVER confronts people, so this was a new experience for me. Then the old hag turned on ME and started getting pissy with ME, at which point I lost it and told her she needed to stop being so damn pissy. My mom told me to back away. I went and got the new set of pj's to exchange. When I came back the hag was off duty and talking to 2 other employees as I walked by about me so I said rather loudly (I'm ashamed to admit) that I wished the old hag would have a heart attack right there and drop dead. Ugh I'm a horrible person. My mouth gets the better of me. They didn't have half the crap I needed at HELL MART, surprise surprise. My husband calls me halfway through informing me he took Hailey down the road to the local kids play place and needed a diaper(he took her w/out a spare diaper and in shoes 2 sizes too big for her...such a man) so we had to rush through shopping and leave. We had just gotten back home and unloaded the groceries when D called me frantic telling me she was driving him insane and we needed to come get them (they'd walked there earlier, it was now raining). When we got there he informed me he'd changed in $20 in a machine he thought was going to give him quarters but it gave him tokens instead. She wanted to run from game to game so the tokens were a waste(he didn't know I never let her go up to the arcade for exactly this reason...) and when I asked for a refund they wouldn't refund our money. I told them that wasn't posted anywhere and my husband thought it would give him quarters and that my daughter is 1 year old and won't use the tokens and we can't afford to waste that money...the manager didn't give a shit, she told me flat out no, your fault and we don't do refunds. I lost it and told her that was fucking ridiculous (again, not my best moment) and we went to leave. The doors are locked until they check your stamps so I yelled at the lady that I didn't have a damn stamp I was just there to pick them up OBVIOUSLY. She opened the doors and we went out to the car. I had my head laying on the steering wheel, thinking about the 20$ my husband just wasted that we couldn't afford to do without and I looked up and the lady was staring at me through the window talking to the 2 teenage employees at the counter and laughing. I threw my hands up in the air and mouthed "What???" because I didn't know why it was so damned funny and she freaking FLIPPED ME OFF. In front of all those kids, the MANAGER flipped me off. Nice.

Oh it just gets better.

My grandma called me last night and informed me that my dad had been slurring his speech on the phone with her and she couldn't get ahold of my sister to ask if my dad's ok. My sister was out vising her mother in another town. I get in touch with her finally and ask her what's wrong with dad. She said he got mad and took 15 vicodin, a regular occurrence apparently. I called my gma, told her what was going on, told her he's done it before but I'd like it if she'd go check on him. I called my sister back, told her gma is talking crazy again and she needed to stay at her husband's parents house that night(he is in visiting before he leaves for Iraq...they don't have a house yet because he's leaving) and to avoid gma at all costs. My gma called me, said she was at my dad's and the car was there and the lights were on but he wouldn't come to the door. I called my sister, she headed back into town to unlock the doors. My brother in law called me and told me they got in the house, phone was off the hook dad not there. The neighbors said 2 cop cars and an ambulance had been there. All my brothers and sisters got on the phone w/ different hospitals. Finally found him at the one hospital we all hate. He had tried to kill himself. Took all the medication he had in the house, which is a lot because of his various health problems. They swing by and pick me up on the way to the hospital. I finally gave in and went in to see him. Nobody should ever have to see their dad like that. High as a kite, not knowing who he is, charcoal still staining his teeth and all over his face. He kept passing out and his vitals would crash and none of the dr.s would come check. The dr.s in the next trauma bay over told us we had to leave because of this belligerent drunk woman they were trying to work on yelling at them(they were yelling back telling her they were going to break her arm etc....this hospital royally sucks...it's a teaching hospital and the students are arrogant SOB's). Then we're all waiting in the waiting room and my grandma called to have them let her back in there so he wouldn't be alone, because he kept trying to pull all the stuff off himself and leave. The people inside the ER unlocked the door to let her in and this little gay male nurse (nothing against gay's, I'm not like that...just giving you a mental picture here seriously) got in front of my grandma and said "Excuse me, do you need something?" really pissy. My step sister told him the people inside had just said she could come in, so he punched his little code in on the pad blocking it w/ his other hand so my gma couldn't see and let her in(hello the door was already unlocked dumbass showoff) and then let the other lady through they were taking back. My sister walked by me and said to ME, "I am sick of all the pissy people in this hospital" and this little nurse man turned to us and YELLED "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, EXCUSE ME DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME?????!!!!" I stepped up and told him she was not talking to him and our private conversation had nothing to do with him, that she was not even looking at him when she said what she said. And he laid into us, screaming! I put my hand up and shooed him away, saying "Move along, move along, move along!" So he couldn't talk, and of course my sister's husband stepped in front of me and started booming at the guy to shut his mouth (He's a marine, you get the picture) and the guy ran through the door. Of course he called security to have us removed...security was 2 little girls, younger than me, my size. Talk about intimidating. They told us the nurse said we had to leave. I told them my father had just tried to kill himself and then a nurse harassed us and WE'RE being asked to leave? She started shooing us out, literally with her hands shooing us, at which point I lost it again. I started screaming at her that this was fucking ridiculous, that my dad was in there half dead and we didn't do a damn thing and yet we had to leave. She told me she didn't care, that we had to leave. I screamed right in her face and told her not to shoo me out and that I hoped her dad tried to kill himself one of these days so she'd know how we all felt at that moment. Again, not my proudest moment...although I'm not really sorry about that comment I admit. All my family lost it and all us kids were yelling as we walked out and I turned and told her she needed to change professions because she was not intimidating at all and just looked downright silly trying to be a security guard. I went home and told my husband what happened. He couldn't believe they'd made us leave when it was THEM who caused all the problems. I played with Hailey for a little bit then put her to bed. I was up most of the night worrying about my dad and so upset about everything. My dad only has one kidney, his other one failed a few years back and had to be removed. If he's ruined this last one, I don't know what'll happen.

Well they don't know about the blood work yet, but my dad is so manipulative he actually made them believe he didn't try to kill himself. He said it was an accident. Which is a total and complete lie. The amount of drugs he took, and the fact that he's been threatening to kill himself for a couple months now...I mean come on. But the stupid hospital let him go home. There is a 72 hour mandatory holding period after somebody tries to kill themselves here(I don't know what it's like other places)...but he got around it. But then again this is the man that after he had his heart attack and was in the ICU pulled out his IV and all the monitors and got dressed and walked out of the hospital and all the way across town and went home...he never did get checked out of the hospital that time. He just left. He's insane. I just can't be around that anymore. I'm done. And now he's mad at all of us for saying he tried to kill himself. When we all pulled together and were there for him last night. UGH what is wrong with my family?

What a shocker

I have to admit, even though I don't watch much TV or even movies these days, I'm a sucker for those celebrity mags or any sort of celebrity news out there on the net. I've been keeping up with the whole Britney drama, mostly because I feel so incredibly sorry for her boys. I've heard a bit of gossip lately about her supposedly having another bun in the oven, which I'm hoping isn't true. Imagine my surprise when I sign off hotmail tonight and am greet by THIS story about a different Speare's family member...I'm not one to judge, but COME ON. This girl, at 16, had everything going for her. And she seemed so much smarter than Britney, so much more put together. I just hope she turns out to be a better mother than her older sister...

So that's just gossip. The big shocker here is that I am apparently a miracle worker. I have single handedly not only stayed on extremely good terms while telling my grandma exactly what I think and exactly how it is, the TRUTH, AND I also got her to apologize to my little sister and they've kissed and made up and everybody's coming to Christmas dinner this Sunday! I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I totally rock. I seriously should have gone into psychology like I'd planned(yea have I ever mentioned that before? That was my original plan, before my husband came along...I was going to go to school, get my PhD and become a psychologist...life sort of got in the way). I'm so happy my grandma finally listened to what I was telling her and realized she was in the wrong. When she called and apologized the other night for that oh so horrible call a few nights before, I didn't say a word about her apologizing to my sister. I figured one apology was great for the day. So today when she called me at work to ask if my sister and her husband were coming Sunday I had full confidence and I just told her flat out, her feelings are hurt and she really should call and apologize to her. Even if her feelings are hurt too and she thinks she's owed an apology...she's the adult, she's the grandma, and my sister's scared to call and make the first move. I also told her my sister was going this afternoon w/ her inlaws to pick out a Christmas tree, so she needed to wait til tonight to call if she was going to. Thank the Lord she took my advice, called her later tonight and now everything is fine. I just hope everyone can hold it together for a while now. At least until after the holidays...and if something else does have to happen, darn it I hope they leave me out of it!

Lemon pudding is yummy...and yes she knows how to use a spoon...she was eating "like a kitty Mommy!"

The shower went GREAT! Only 2 people didn't come, and one of them sent a gift with another person that did come. The decorations turned out great, the mini heart cakes (while hideous looking--seriously, I should SO do this for a living) tasted awesome. The games were actually really fun--we played the one where you use TP to make wedding dresses in small groups, and the one where you read off a list of items people have in their purses and the person w/ the most things wins. People actually enjoyed the games. My sister got a lot of really great stuff too! It really couldn't have gone better. My only complaints are that we didn't get a picture of my sister and I together and we didn't get a picture of my nephew that was here(he's a month younger than Hailey, and she called him Big Boy all day hehe). I am so incredibly happy with how things turned out.

To eat we had the yummy ugly cakes I made (red velvet w/ cream cheese icing, my sis's fav), white chocolate covered strawberries and dark chocolate covered oreos courtesy of my wonderful mother, and chex mix (at my sister's request). Very simple and everyone loved it!

Hailey is passed out on my lap after all the excitement. She fell asleep at 5:30! I'm debating on going ahead and putting her to bed??

My dad caused a little crisis last night at my sister's house...she called me at 12:30 crying, so she ended up coming over and staying the night. The day started off really unfortunate but we did everything we could to cheer her up. It worked, and got her mind off things and she had a great time.

Another good thing that I forgot to mention yesterday...we got our other loan check in the mail yesterday! Things really are going great right now. Finally!