This is a pretty negative post...I'll do a more positive one about the weekend later when I can add a couple pictures. Sorry, this is all I've got right now...Our weekend was too busy to enjoy, once again. I am starting to hate the holidays because D's family insists on spending way too much time with us and then we have to squeeze in time for us to see my mom and Hailey ends up being over tired...it's just not fun anymore. Saturday started off great. We got up, my mom came over and we went to the Easter egg hunt at the school my mom works at. They had the little kids one in this little fenced playground area. Hailey found eggs and had a really good time playing and she even got to see baby goats and huge rabbits. We went to eat lunch at her favorite place (Subway) and went home and it all went downhill from there. We were just about to get her down for a nap when she found ants on our living room floor...those little piss ants. I flipped out, I cannot STAND bugs in my house. They were gathered by the hundreds under some stacks of folded clean clothes I had on the living room floor!! I had to rewash all the clothes and I vacuumed the whole house, I was so disgusted. So of course Hailey didn't get a nap. I thought she'd sleep in the car on the way to my brother in law's for my nephew W's 3rd birthday party at 3:00 but she didn't fall asleep til the very end of their dirt road! By the end of the party she was having a melt down from not wanting to leave and then all of a sudden wanting to leave RIGHT THAT SECOND and I just lost it and yelled at her and put her in time out twice. I feel like I was so mean to her. But D's in Oklahoma, I'm doing this all myself right now and his family(as in his mom, grandma and grandpa) was STRESSING ME OUT BIGTIME at the party with comments they made (thanking God they didn't have to deal w/ Hailey during her tantrum, asking my sister in law what time would be good for her for Easter and once again planning the day around them and her kids' schedule(they get up at 5:30 in the freaking morning!) and not even caring that ours is COMPLETELY different(Hailey doesn't wake up til 9:30 or 10:00) and making sure we had enough time to do OUR stuff too...taking Hailey outside to play and then completely ignoring her when she would try to talk to or play with them because they were so focused on W(and I couldn't go outside because the cold wind was making my asthma act up)--things like that) so then we go to leave and their front porch steps don't have a railing...5 steps down to concrete...I told Hailey to hold my hand and she said "No I NOT hold your hand!" but I never thought she would really try to go down the steps, and I was tired so my judgement was clouded, so instead of making her take my hand I turned around to shut the door and as I was turning back I saw her falling and it was too late to catch her and she fell from the top step straight down to the bottom and landed w/ all her weight on her FACE. Then she fell to the side onto the ground and started screaming and crying. I threw my stuff down and scooped her up and my sister in law came out to see what happened, so I'm crying because of what happened to Hailey and then I'm thinking to myself GOD they think I"m a horrible parent already because I actually discipline my child, now they're REALLY going to think I'm horrible because W's never fallen down those stairs and now Hailey has. I made sure she was ok before putting her in the car and then she fell asleep so I was paranoid she'd given herself a concussion although I knew she was just exhausted from the day. I cried all the way home. As soon as I was within range of a cell tower I called my mom and asked her to come to my house. Hailey was okay, not a mark on her. I'm still shaken up by it and feel absolutely horrible. I feel like a horrible mother. D's grandpa called me and invited me out to dinner with them and I told them what happened (they weren't there when it happened) and I was crying into the phone and his grandpa LAUGHED and said "Oh she'll be fine. We'll see you tomorrow." GRRR
Yesterday morning started off great. Hailey did her egg hunt and had a good time. I made my salad to take to the inlaws (that my mother in law told me to bring even though she knows I don't like to bring food places) and got myself ready. It was already noon and my mother in law told me to be there by then so we could eat at lunchtime. I hurried to get Hailey in her outfit and hair fixed and she didn't want any of it. I tried to take pictures of her, I got a few that are halfway decent before she had a meltdown. I lost it because I was so stressed and frustrated at having to hurry my child at yet another holiday. I took off her dress and yelled at her that she was a bad girl and pitched this boxed game to the other side of her room on the floor that she'd wanted to play with and got up and told her she was in time out and walked out of her room and shut the door. GAH! I felt horrible! I was taking it out on her and I knew it and I feel HORRIBLE about it! I went back in there after a few minutes and asked if I could come in. She was so pitiful. She said "Yea." She was just sitting there holding the game. Talk about breaking my heart. :( I opened it for her and she told me "Thanks Mommy!" and brightened up and I told her I was sorry for throwing a fit and yelling at her and she said "I sorry too Mommy" and we agreed to have a good day from there on out. Well then come to find out, my sister and brother in law were 1.5 hours late getting there!! And she had the ham! Which takes 2 hours to cook! (They were supposed to get there at 11 because of the ham). So needless to say we hurried for nothing and didn't even get to eat til after 2:30!!!!!! And Hailey was so tired from no nap again that she was throwing a mini-fit at the table til my father in law (the only one I can stand!!) saw I was starting to panic a bit and hurried into the kitchen to help me. He took her and calmed her down and let her sit on his lap while she ate so I could eat but my mil's grandparents who are normally sweet people said ANOTHER comment that got to me about the kids acting up--they said "Isn't this SO MUCH FUN!?" ??? Was that necessary, when I was already so stressed??? They didn't play with her at all and then when I went to leave at like 4:30 they acted all sad "Oh you're leaving already??" and then didn't even try to hug Hailey bye... Thank God for D's dad showing SOME genuine interest in Hailey. Oh his grandma even made the comment to me "I was hoping she'd be in a pretty little dress..." after I'd JUST explained why she was in her comfy sweat suit--because of her stressful weekend and absolute refusal to wear the dress I thought she really needed to just be in nice comfy warm clothes!
My mom came over last night and Hailey woke up from a short nap and was so tired that at first she told me my mom wasn't there! Like she wanted her to leave! I felt so bad. My mom always gets her leftover grumpy time at holidays. But for some reason I can't grow some balls and stand up to my inlaws about holidays! Anything else, yea, but holidays I just have an issue with telling them we can't come...I guess I don't want anybody to be mad at us or upset and his mom always makes such a big deal over us being there for the holidays and then she plans nothing and it's all a mess! And they don't even pay attention much to Hailey except my father in law but my mother in law is so damn touchy and ridiculous, if we don't come she pitches a huge fit and acts like a teenager and like refuses to talk to us forever. I'm just upset w/ how the weekend went when I was so looking forward to it--and that's how each holiday is these days. It's really getting to me. I'm wishing we lived far away from his family so we had the excuse to just stay home on holidays. That would be so nice once in a while. To just leisurely wake up, make some breakfast, take time to open presents or Easter egg hunt or whatever the holiday calls for, and just enjoy being together. Not have to rush here and there, make sure we get to my inlaws in time to mesh with W's schedule, have D's grandparents make comments (happens every time) if the kids aren't acting like angels like the kids on the OTHER side of the family (like the boy who can recite the pledge of allegiance and is potty trained at 2.5 yrs. old--big DEAL come on!), keep Hailey up from her naps so she's cranky later etc. etc. I've told D, myself and my mom that this year for Christmas we're doing xmas eve at his parents house and xmas day at home and at my mom's. Last year was HORRIBLE, a disaster, we're not going through that again. Hailey had nothing to open while little W had millions of presents, she got her feelings very hurt, didn't get a nap, D and I fought because of tension w/ his family and again my mom got the tired cranky leftover time w/ Hailey by the time we got to her house. So, I've said this...but am I really going to have the guts to tell them we just can't do this at every holiday anymore? I want Hailey to enjoy holidays like I did as a kid. Our family split up the days and traded off holidays. You'd think my inlaws would be okay with this, but nope. They have to have us every single holiday, because in my mother in law's words "Christmas Eve isn't CHRISTMAS!"
I really didn't want to come into work this morning. My stomach issues started up again last night, making me really nauseous. I woke up this morning still feeling sick. I'm almost to the point where I don't care if we ever have a nice house, as long as we have some decent and I can stay home and raise the kids and not work or only work part time even...I just cannot deal with having to push my body to do so much much longer. I'm just getting worse and worse. I'm sure lack of rest and the added stress from my job are not helping.
My mom has Hailey today, they're on Spring Break from school. Hopefully they have a good day today. I get off 1/2 hr. early at least, thank God.
And that's the end of my rant...for now at least...
Showing posts with label things that annoy me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label things that annoy me. Show all posts
Monday, March 24, 2008
Monday, March 3, 2008
Weekend recap
This weekend went by really fast! The weather was beautiful. Another one of those "spring teasers"...it was so nice to be able to open up the windows and air out the house!
Friday night D and I were supposed to have our little date night. My mom came over to watch Hailey. D didn't even get home til almost 7:00 and took his sweet time getting ready! I was so irritated! Then his friend A called (the one that became a father to a little boy a few months ago--they came over for Super Bowl Sunday) and wanted us to meet them at Olive Garden and then go to a movie. They live 30 minutes out of town...I told him no WAY were we going to eat there and make it to a movie on time. Talk about a bummer! I was THIS close to having Olive Garden twice that day! We decided to just grab something fast separately and then meet up at the theater. D and I got our Wendy's (I stuffed myself) then ran by Target to get some movie candy (I refuse to pay an arm and a leg for candy I can get for a buck at Target or Walmart--D's friend said he wouldn't go to the movie w/ me and my contraband or something like that LOL) and ended up buying Hailey a Car's Easter basket! Like she needs it, I know...but we couldn't pass it up. We got her a couple little dollar items (Cars themed, of course) to put in it and also the Ratatoille (sp??) movie on sale for $10. Ok that last one was mostly for me. I really wanted to see that movie. I have yet to get to watch it, but from the few minutes I got to see while Hailey was semi-watching it I think I'll love it! Then we drove over to the theater (both of us belting out Rascall Flatts songs--good times!) and met A, his girlfriend K and our Mexican friend R. We love R, he makes everybody laugh non-stop! We saw Semi-Pro which I thought looked pretty stupid from the previews. It was hilarious! I laughed so hard I snorted. Afterwards they all came back to our house. My mom had watched Hailey at our house because she has a cold, so she was in bed sleeping. I love having people over, it's great. And I actually talked to K this time...normally she doesn't talk hardly at ALL. I guess she's shy?? Anyway we talked for a good 4 hours or so...nice and all, but GOD they didn't leave til almost 4:00 in the freaking morning! They were childless for the night...I had to get up w/ Hailey the next day! Luckily she slept til 10:30 he next day, the lovely darling that she is, and we were able to get a nap Saturday afternoon.
Saturday I was just about to head over to my dad's (you know, trying to stay on his good side) when a friend of the family called to see if I wanted to go to lunch with her at a local Chinese place. She told me she'd been craving a certain dish we love from there...huge coincidence because I've been craving it for like a month!! This lady is like another mom to me. We lived next door to them for years. Her daughter, the 27 year old that had her wedding in St. Louis in October of last year, has been one of my good friends since I was 10 years old. This lady, DS, has been a SAHM forever. She does the accounting for her husband's business. So she's always been home. Back in the day, even if nobody else was home, I'd go over and eat lunch with her. I think back then she saw me as sort of a bratty little kid. But now we get along so well, I think I'm better friends with her than my mom is these days! Actually during a recent phone conversation with DS, she told me I've really matured into a nice young woman (or something along those lines) and if you knew this woman, you'd be as shocked as I was. It's just not like her to be so sentimental and nice like that! Another thing that has brought us closer is the fact that they're like another set of grandparents to Hailey. They were so excited when they found out I was expecting (they don't have any real grandchildren yet) and they always call wanting to see Hailey. They're always buying her really thoughtful gifts too (they bought her a Jumperoo when she was about 7 months old and I was so touched I cried--we didn't have the money for one and DS knew how bad I wanted one for Hailey). ANYWHO...Hailey and I met her for lunch and it was so nice. I wish I had more time to just hang out with my close friends like that. It was well worth the 10 bucks I spent on my meal to sit and talk with a good friend for an hour! She even complimented my new shirt...which doesn't seem like much to most people but it really meant a lot to me coming from this woman. I really need to try and make more time in our lives for this family, especially this summer. DS is already making plans for Hailey to help us do our annual Spring flower plant at her house like we always do!
The few hours went okay at my dad's Saturday. Nothing major. We went on a walk w/ my brother, sister and cousin and I got to talk to my other brother for a little bit which made him happy. He's getting bored, he can't find a job. Hopefully he'll find something soon, his two boys are supposed to come for the summer.
So, for the big news...well, not huge, but big to me...we're moving this summer! This weekend was the last straw. We were cleaning the furnace closet yesterday while Hailey was napping (she was a DEVIL child yesterday, SO BAD...totally not like her!) and realize there's black mold spots growing all over our furnace and ductwork in there! I don't know for SURE that it's mold, but whatever it is it's icky looking. So, the place is too small...our yard always has dog crap in it from rude people that don't pick up after their pet...the air conditioner gets worse and worse every summer (last summer it quit working altogether and they refused to replace it, they just repaired it which will only last til this summer I'm sure), I can never get ahold of the rental agency, the traffic has REALLY picked up over there...and the last straw...the NOISY FREAKING PEOPLE that have moved in all around us. It's crazy. The Mexicans across the way are so quiet...until they get in their vehicles. I shit you not, their truck's music bumps so loud my windows all throughout my house rattle. All hours of the night. Our neighbors have taken to playing Guitar Hero or whatever til 4:00 in the morning. Their dogs bark a lot. And then last night the wind was blowing like crazy and the Guitar Hero neighbor's wind chime would NOT BE QUIET. It was so loud and it's right by Hailey's bedroom window and about 15 feet from ours. 1:30 am I was going to go take it down myself but they were still up...playing video games...so I couldn't. I'm going on about 3 hours of sleep today! Did I mention how bad I hate our neighbors?? So I did some serious research today and found some places I'm super excited about! They're closer to Hailey's sitter. They're 1562 sqft (we only have 1200 now), 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bath, 1 car garage, fenced in backyards, and all 3 bedrooms are upstairs so the master isn't separated from the kids' rooms! And they're only 60$ more a month than we're paying now! We'll have to pay for cable too, so we'll really have to watch what we spend, but to have that extra room would be SO worth it! You have to get on a waiting list to get one this summer so I'm going to look at them tomorrow. D can't go unfortunately but he doesn't really care...he said he trusts me :) I'm driving my mom by there tonight after I get home from physical therapy. We're going to use our good ol' tax bonus to move that we get in May or whenever we're supposed to get them. Hopefully it all works out!
Friday night D and I were supposed to have our little date night. My mom came over to watch Hailey. D didn't even get home til almost 7:00 and took his sweet time getting ready! I was so irritated! Then his friend A called (the one that became a father to a little boy a few months ago--they came over for Super Bowl Sunday) and wanted us to meet them at Olive Garden and then go to a movie. They live 30 minutes out of town...I told him no WAY were we going to eat there and make it to a movie on time. Talk about a bummer! I was THIS close to having Olive Garden twice that day! We decided to just grab something fast separately and then meet up at the theater. D and I got our Wendy's (I stuffed myself) then ran by Target to get some movie candy (I refuse to pay an arm and a leg for candy I can get for a buck at Target or Walmart--D's friend said he wouldn't go to the movie w/ me and my contraband or something like that LOL) and ended up buying Hailey a Car's Easter basket! Like she needs it, I know...but we couldn't pass it up. We got her a couple little dollar items (Cars themed, of course) to put in it and also the Ratatoille (sp??) movie on sale for $10. Ok that last one was mostly for me. I really wanted to see that movie. I have yet to get to watch it, but from the few minutes I got to see while Hailey was semi-watching it I think I'll love it! Then we drove over to the theater (both of us belting out Rascall Flatts songs--good times!) and met A, his girlfriend K and our Mexican friend R. We love R, he makes everybody laugh non-stop! We saw Semi-Pro which I thought looked pretty stupid from the previews. It was hilarious! I laughed so hard I snorted. Afterwards they all came back to our house. My mom had watched Hailey at our house because she has a cold, so she was in bed sleeping. I love having people over, it's great. And I actually talked to K this time...normally she doesn't talk hardly at ALL. I guess she's shy?? Anyway we talked for a good 4 hours or so...nice and all, but GOD they didn't leave til almost 4:00 in the freaking morning! They were childless for the night...I had to get up w/ Hailey the next day! Luckily she slept til 10:30 he next day, the lovely darling that she is, and we were able to get a nap Saturday afternoon.
Saturday I was just about to head over to my dad's (you know, trying to stay on his good side) when a friend of the family called to see if I wanted to go to lunch with her at a local Chinese place. She told me she'd been craving a certain dish we love from there...huge coincidence because I've been craving it for like a month!! This lady is like another mom to me. We lived next door to them for years. Her daughter, the 27 year old that had her wedding in St. Louis in October of last year, has been one of my good friends since I was 10 years old. This lady, DS, has been a SAHM forever. She does the accounting for her husband's business. So she's always been home. Back in the day, even if nobody else was home, I'd go over and eat lunch with her. I think back then she saw me as sort of a bratty little kid. But now we get along so well, I think I'm better friends with her than my mom is these days! Actually during a recent phone conversation with DS, she told me I've really matured into a nice young woman (or something along those lines) and if you knew this woman, you'd be as shocked as I was. It's just not like her to be so sentimental and nice like that! Another thing that has brought us closer is the fact that they're like another set of grandparents to Hailey. They were so excited when they found out I was expecting (they don't have any real grandchildren yet) and they always call wanting to see Hailey. They're always buying her really thoughtful gifts too (they bought her a Jumperoo when she was about 7 months old and I was so touched I cried--we didn't have the money for one and DS knew how bad I wanted one for Hailey). ANYWHO...Hailey and I met her for lunch and it was so nice. I wish I had more time to just hang out with my close friends like that. It was well worth the 10 bucks I spent on my meal to sit and talk with a good friend for an hour! She even complimented my new shirt...which doesn't seem like much to most people but it really meant a lot to me coming from this woman. I really need to try and make more time in our lives for this family, especially this summer. DS is already making plans for Hailey to help us do our annual Spring flower plant at her house like we always do!
The few hours went okay at my dad's Saturday. Nothing major. We went on a walk w/ my brother, sister and cousin and I got to talk to my other brother for a little bit which made him happy. He's getting bored, he can't find a job. Hopefully he'll find something soon, his two boys are supposed to come for the summer.
So, for the big news...well, not huge, but big to me...we're moving this summer! This weekend was the last straw. We were cleaning the furnace closet yesterday while Hailey was napping (she was a DEVIL child yesterday, SO BAD...totally not like her!) and realize there's black mold spots growing all over our furnace and ductwork in there! I don't know for SURE that it's mold, but whatever it is it's icky looking. So, the place is too small...our yard always has dog crap in it from rude people that don't pick up after their pet...the air conditioner gets worse and worse every summer (last summer it quit working altogether and they refused to replace it, they just repaired it which will only last til this summer I'm sure), I can never get ahold of the rental agency, the traffic has REALLY picked up over there...and the last straw...the NOISY FREAKING PEOPLE that have moved in all around us. It's crazy. The Mexicans across the way are so quiet...until they get in their vehicles. I shit you not, their truck's music bumps so loud my windows all throughout my house rattle. All hours of the night. Our neighbors have taken to playing Guitar Hero or whatever til 4:00 in the morning. Their dogs bark a lot. And then last night the wind was blowing like crazy and the Guitar Hero neighbor's wind chime would NOT BE QUIET. It was so loud and it's right by Hailey's bedroom window and about 15 feet from ours. 1:30 am I was going to go take it down myself but they were still up...playing video games...so I couldn't. I'm going on about 3 hours of sleep today! Did I mention how bad I hate our neighbors?? So I did some serious research today and found some places I'm super excited about! They're closer to Hailey's sitter. They're 1562 sqft (we only have 1200 now), 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bath, 1 car garage, fenced in backyards, and all 3 bedrooms are upstairs so the master isn't separated from the kids' rooms! And they're only 60$ more a month than we're paying now! We'll have to pay for cable too, so we'll really have to watch what we spend, but to have that extra room would be SO worth it! You have to get on a waiting list to get one this summer so I'm going to look at them tomorrow. D can't go unfortunately but he doesn't really care...he said he trusts me :) I'm driving my mom by there tonight after I get home from physical therapy. We're going to use our good ol' tax bonus to move that we get in May or whenever we're supposed to get them. Hopefully it all works out!
What all my hard "organizational" work resulted in yesterday--room for Hailey's toys in the hall closet! (I'm hoping family doesn't buy toys for her birthday this year--they've already spoiled her WAY too much!)
Monday, February 4, 2008
Busy weekend!
We had a very busy weekend this weekend! Friday night was spent at my mom's. I cooked dinner, Hailey played...after dinner I relaxed on the couch and watched What Not to Wear.
Saturday we got up, cleaned ourselves up and straightened up the house a little bit and then went to lunch with my stepmom and little sister. That was so much fun! We haven't done that EVER. Seriously. I know this divorce has been really hard on all of us...we've gone through some really tough times since my step mom moved out with my grandma going insane and threatening everybody, my dad trying to kill himself, my sister being so stressed she's moving out etc. BUT...things are starting to finally come together. My stepmom is much happier, I can tell the difference in her just by looking at her! She's finally able to be her own person and do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. Going out to lunch, just us girls, was so nice...I hope we can have many more times like that in the future. After lunch we drove all around town trying to find a place for my little sister and stepmom to live. This town is over-run by college kids...finding a good rental in a quiet/nice area that doesn't cost an arm and a leg and isn't teeny tiny is really hard to find around here. We got lucky when we found our place! After that Hailey and I headed over to my dad's. My dad is also doing great, despite his mounting health problems. His liver isn't functioning as well as it should and the one kidney he has left is showing signs of failing...but he's in good spirits and trying to make the best out of things lately which is a huge change from just a month ago. My brother moved back here from another state a couple weeks ago (he's going to be 24 next month) and brought his little brother along with him (he's 20). They're living with my dad and it's really brightened my dad's spirits. Saturday evening we got to see my brother for the first time since Hailey was 5 months old. Hailey went right to him! She's really shy with people she's not around a whole lot and takes a while to warm up to people. She hates my husband's dad and freaks out when he even comes in the door. I have no idea why. She tolerates D's mom. She's always taken a while to warm up to my dad. But for some reason Saturday night she went right to my dad and sat on his lap and watched Spongebob for a while which made him incredibly happy. He went from seeming like he didn't feel good to getting up and cooking us all dinner and visiting with everybody like nothing was wrong. Hailey sat on my brother's lap for a long time and kept leaning over to steal looks at S, my brother's little brother. At our wedding my brother M was the only person that could get Hailey to settle down and go to sleep (she was only 3 months old). He stayed with us in the women's building while we got ready to take care of Hailey. It was so sweet. I don't know what it is...but she still loves him to pieces. He has two little boys of his own, ages 3 and 5 that his ex has full custody of...he is so good with little kids though. He was doting on her all night. My dad had a full house with me, Hailey, my 2 brothers, my brother's brother, my littlest brother's friend K (who's always around and is basically like another little brother), my little sister and my cousin. We all ate dinner and visited and had a great time.
Sunday started off with a little family turmoil but ended up okay. Hailey started off the day showing us how incredibly cute and funny she is. She went to put a bowl of dry cereal in the sink. I told D she was going to dump it all over the floor, I just knew it. Sure enough the bowl tipped backwards and the cereal scattered all over the kitchen floor. I wish I had what happened next on film. It was priceless. Hailey's jaw dropped as she looked down at the cereal and she said "OH MY GOD!!" I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. Did she really just say that? Then she said "OH MY GOD MOMMY!!" I hope I remember that moment forever. It was the most adorable thing ever. I got up and went in there. She said "Mommy I make a mess! Help me clean up??" and started frantically scooping up the cereal. I stood her up facing me and kissed her on the nose and told her she was the cutest thing ever and I loved her. I told her to put the cereal on the rug and we'd shake it off outside to feed the birds, which she thought was really neat. That started the morning off great. Then my inlaws called and invited us over for the Super Bowl. I told D we just couldn't go. It was too last minute. I'd kept Hailey out late both Fri. and Sat. night and said I was keeping her home Sunday. She wanted to be home! He told his parents we'd come and we fought about it a little. He told me that I had to call them and tell them we weren't coming and I refused...they are HIS parents, he needs to grow some balls and deal with them himself...I'm tired of being the bad guy!! I was so mad. He just didn't get why Hailey couldn't go...he doesn't understand how much sleep a toddler needs and how she was already so worn out from running around all weekend to see family. My family had made our plans the previous week. His parents can't do that. They ALWAYS call last minute and expect us to drop what we're doing and do what they want. It's always been like that. When Hailey had been home from the hospital a couple days even, and I was struggling with being a new mom and freaking out about breastfeeding right and crying and just having a really rough time, they'd call at 8:00 at night and say they were almost at our house to see Hailey...no warning, nothing. So instead of being able to get into a routine and try to deal with things, we had to sit there until 10:30 at night or whenever they'd decide it was time to go. Hailey would sleep the whole time they were there too, so by the time they left she'd wake up and I could've gotten 2 or 3 good hours of sleep...and they NEVER have understood why we tell them no. Just like on Hailey's first 4th of July when it was boiling hot outside and I could tell something wasn't right with her. She was gagging and throwing up a lot but they insisted she was fine and took her outside and passed her around from one sweaty person to another. I fumed inside until I finally went and grabbed her and said we were leaving. The next morning she went into the hospital for a few days with an extremely high fever and she was refusing to eat and had a bad rash etc. They just don't get it! Yesterday after much "discussion," a phonecall to my mom where I cried that I was ready for a divorce, D blowing up at my mom when she came over for something really small and stupid and then us all making amends...D decided he wanted to invite his friend and his girlfriend and their 3 week old little boy down instead. It's NOT that I didn't want to go to his parent's house. I would LOVE for them to invite us over sometime or call and ask to keep Hailey for a few hours or even a day...but they NEVER do this...they never call to watch her at ALL...and when they call for us to come over it's so last minute we've always made other plans already or it just doesn't fit into our schedule. I'm so sick of it! So anyway D called his dad without any prompting from me and told him we'd decided to keep Hailey home instead and were having A and his family over. His dad said "OK bye" and hung up on him. These people are so immature it's ridiculous. We didn't let it bother us. We hurried up and cleaned up the house, me working on the bathroom, D the kitchen and my mom helped pick up the living room so D could vacuum. I cleaned the kitchen floor. That is one thing I LOVE LOVE LOVE about having company...I get a clean house!!! My mom, Hailey and I ran by Walmart to load up on snacks. I even bought a 6 pack of beer and told myself I deserved one after the day I'd had...but of course since we just don't drink I ended up not having one and D only drank 2. We had a nice peaceful evening visiting with our friends, stuffing ourselves on wings, pizza rolls, cheese dip etc. and holding a baby and a toddler! Hailey loves A and had a lot of fun playing with him all evening. I didn't hold baby L a whole lot because I've been sick with a cold and although the only symptom I have left is a clogged right ear I just couldn't bear the thought of this itty bitty cute baby getting a cold. I pray to God there were no germs lurking about...they knew that we had been sick and still brought him though which I was quite surprised at. I think his mom is pretty relaxed since she's been taking care of her 2 nieces forever. Hailey was having so much fun I couldn't bear to make her go to sleep w/ them there so she didn't get to bed until 10:30 but she went right to sleep then. We had a great night and Hailey woke up in a great mood this morning. While I was drying my face I heard a little voice say "Mommy?" I opened the door and turned the corner and there she was, standing at her bedroom door with the light on. She said "I wake up!" Morning couldn't have gone better...great moods, got out of the house on time and I even got to work on time! Well, 1 minute late but come on. That's on time. What a great start to the week...hopefully it's a sign of the great week we're going to have!!!
I have another physical therapy appt. after work today and for the first time I didn't shave my legs. Last time I did and got bad razor burn so this time I just said screw it. My PT told me last time she doesn't shave in the winter so I don't need to worry about it! I still feel weird about going with hairy legs though...
Saturday we got up, cleaned ourselves up and straightened up the house a little bit and then went to lunch with my stepmom and little sister. That was so much fun! We haven't done that EVER. Seriously. I know this divorce has been really hard on all of us...we've gone through some really tough times since my step mom moved out with my grandma going insane and threatening everybody, my dad trying to kill himself, my sister being so stressed she's moving out etc. BUT...things are starting to finally come together. My stepmom is much happier, I can tell the difference in her just by looking at her! She's finally able to be her own person and do what she wants to do when she wants to do it. Going out to lunch, just us girls, was so nice...I hope we can have many more times like that in the future. After lunch we drove all around town trying to find a place for my little sister and stepmom to live. This town is over-run by college kids...finding a good rental in a quiet/nice area that doesn't cost an arm and a leg and isn't teeny tiny is really hard to find around here. We got lucky when we found our place! After that Hailey and I headed over to my dad's. My dad is also doing great, despite his mounting health problems. His liver isn't functioning as well as it should and the one kidney he has left is showing signs of failing...but he's in good spirits and trying to make the best out of things lately which is a huge change from just a month ago. My brother moved back here from another state a couple weeks ago (he's going to be 24 next month) and brought his little brother along with him (he's 20). They're living with my dad and it's really brightened my dad's spirits. Saturday evening we got to see my brother for the first time since Hailey was 5 months old. Hailey went right to him! She's really shy with people she's not around a whole lot and takes a while to warm up to people. She hates my husband's dad and freaks out when he even comes in the door. I have no idea why. She tolerates D's mom. She's always taken a while to warm up to my dad. But for some reason Saturday night she went right to my dad and sat on his lap and watched Spongebob for a while which made him incredibly happy. He went from seeming like he didn't feel good to getting up and cooking us all dinner and visiting with everybody like nothing was wrong. Hailey sat on my brother's lap for a long time and kept leaning over to steal looks at S, my brother's little brother. At our wedding my brother M was the only person that could get Hailey to settle down and go to sleep (she was only 3 months old). He stayed with us in the women's building while we got ready to take care of Hailey. It was so sweet. I don't know what it is...but she still loves him to pieces. He has two little boys of his own, ages 3 and 5 that his ex has full custody of...he is so good with little kids though. He was doting on her all night. My dad had a full house with me, Hailey, my 2 brothers, my brother's brother, my littlest brother's friend K (who's always around and is basically like another little brother), my little sister and my cousin. We all ate dinner and visited and had a great time.
Sunday started off with a little family turmoil but ended up okay. Hailey started off the day showing us how incredibly cute and funny she is. She went to put a bowl of dry cereal in the sink. I told D she was going to dump it all over the floor, I just knew it. Sure enough the bowl tipped backwards and the cereal scattered all over the kitchen floor. I wish I had what happened next on film. It was priceless. Hailey's jaw dropped as she looked down at the cereal and she said "OH MY GOD!!" I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. Did she really just say that? Then she said "OH MY GOD MOMMY!!" I hope I remember that moment forever. It was the most adorable thing ever. I got up and went in there. She said "Mommy I make a mess! Help me clean up??" and started frantically scooping up the cereal. I stood her up facing me and kissed her on the nose and told her she was the cutest thing ever and I loved her. I told her to put the cereal on the rug and we'd shake it off outside to feed the birds, which she thought was really neat. That started the morning off great. Then my inlaws called and invited us over for the Super Bowl. I told D we just couldn't go. It was too last minute. I'd kept Hailey out late both Fri. and Sat. night and said I was keeping her home Sunday. She wanted to be home! He told his parents we'd come and we fought about it a little. He told me that I had to call them and tell them we weren't coming and I refused...they are HIS parents, he needs to grow some balls and deal with them himself...I'm tired of being the bad guy!! I was so mad. He just didn't get why Hailey couldn't go...he doesn't understand how much sleep a toddler needs and how she was already so worn out from running around all weekend to see family. My family had made our plans the previous week. His parents can't do that. They ALWAYS call last minute and expect us to drop what we're doing and do what they want. It's always been like that. When Hailey had been home from the hospital a couple days even, and I was struggling with being a new mom and freaking out about breastfeeding right and crying and just having a really rough time, they'd call at 8:00 at night and say they were almost at our house to see Hailey...no warning, nothing. So instead of being able to get into a routine and try to deal with things, we had to sit there until 10:30 at night or whenever they'd decide it was time to go. Hailey would sleep the whole time they were there too, so by the time they left she'd wake up and I could've gotten 2 or 3 good hours of sleep...and they NEVER have understood why we tell them no. Just like on Hailey's first 4th of July when it was boiling hot outside and I could tell something wasn't right with her. She was gagging and throwing up a lot but they insisted she was fine and took her outside and passed her around from one sweaty person to another. I fumed inside until I finally went and grabbed her and said we were leaving. The next morning she went into the hospital for a few days with an extremely high fever and she was refusing to eat and had a bad rash etc. They just don't get it! Yesterday after much "discussion," a phonecall to my mom where I cried that I was ready for a divorce, D blowing up at my mom when she came over for something really small and stupid and then us all making amends...D decided he wanted to invite his friend and his girlfriend and their 3 week old little boy down instead. It's NOT that I didn't want to go to his parent's house. I would LOVE for them to invite us over sometime or call and ask to keep Hailey for a few hours or even a day...but they NEVER do this...they never call to watch her at ALL...and when they call for us to come over it's so last minute we've always made other plans already or it just doesn't fit into our schedule. I'm so sick of it! So anyway D called his dad without any prompting from me and told him we'd decided to keep Hailey home instead and were having A and his family over. His dad said "OK bye" and hung up on him. These people are so immature it's ridiculous. We didn't let it bother us. We hurried up and cleaned up the house, me working on the bathroom, D the kitchen and my mom helped pick up the living room so D could vacuum. I cleaned the kitchen floor. That is one thing I LOVE LOVE LOVE about having company...I get a clean house!!! My mom, Hailey and I ran by Walmart to load up on snacks. I even bought a 6 pack of beer and told myself I deserved one after the day I'd had...but of course since we just don't drink I ended up not having one and D only drank 2. We had a nice peaceful evening visiting with our friends, stuffing ourselves on wings, pizza rolls, cheese dip etc. and holding a baby and a toddler! Hailey loves A and had a lot of fun playing with him all evening. I didn't hold baby L a whole lot because I've been sick with a cold and although the only symptom I have left is a clogged right ear I just couldn't bear the thought of this itty bitty cute baby getting a cold. I pray to God there were no germs lurking about...they knew that we had been sick and still brought him though which I was quite surprised at. I think his mom is pretty relaxed since she's been taking care of her 2 nieces forever. Hailey was having so much fun I couldn't bear to make her go to sleep w/ them there so she didn't get to bed until 10:30 but she went right to sleep then. We had a great night and Hailey woke up in a great mood this morning. While I was drying my face I heard a little voice say "Mommy?" I opened the door and turned the corner and there she was, standing at her bedroom door with the light on. She said "I wake up!" Morning couldn't have gone better...great moods, got out of the house on time and I even got to work on time! Well, 1 minute late but come on. That's on time. What a great start to the week...hopefully it's a sign of the great week we're going to have!!!
I have another physical therapy appt. after work today and for the first time I didn't shave my legs. Last time I did and got bad razor burn so this time I just said screw it. My PT told me last time she doesn't shave in the winter so I don't need to worry about it! I still feel weird about going with hairy legs though...
Friday, September 7, 2007
TGIF (Lots to say)
School is definitely back in session. Let me recap the events of yesterday for you.
First off, I woke up with tummy issues. I took some medicine the night before to try and, um, help things along (sorry if tmi) because my IBS was really acting up. Well apparently I took too big of a dose for me, because I spent the whole day yesterday running to the bathroom. I think I lost at least 2 pounds yesterday, it was horrible. On the way to work I was having such bad belly pains I almost had to pull over twice. That issue just laid the groundwork for my crappy day.
Add to that the fact that I’m exhausted. I haven’t been able to get much sleep lately, again. D’s home less, which means I’m staying up late again to spend time with him when he gets off work on the days he’s in town. And Hailey has a cold, so she hasn’t been sleeping well. Last night I tried for over an hour to get her to sleep. I read her like 5 books, falling asleep myself in the middle of each one. I tried rocking her with the lamp on and off. I tried rocking her in different positions. She was still wide awake an hour later at 9:45!! I was too tired I just couldn’t do it any longer. I had needed to do so many things, like take a shower, do a load of laundry so I’d have jeans to wear today, scoop the litter box, unload and reload the dishwasher and get that running. Finally I put her in her crib awake, and told her very firmly to lay down. When I turned the light back off she popped up her head and started to stand up, and I told her to lay down again very firmly, so amazingly she did. I crept out of the room. I got on the internet for a little bit to give her time to fall asleep without me making any noise in the house and she actually didn’t make a fuss, she just went right to sleep, thank God. Of course by that time I’m in a horrible mood, so when D gets home I’m less than friendly and so busy running around the house trying to do things when I’m so stinking tired that when he tried to stop me to give me a hug I just blew up at him to get out of the way so I could shut the door to the laundry room because the contents in the dryer were banging around loudly and I did NOT want to wait Hailey up. So he went and sat in the recliner and pouted. I told him to quit pouting, that I was not in the mood. I told him I was so pissed off, I was even pissing myself off. I feel absolutely horrible about it. When he first got home he admitted to me that he’s so stressed right now about school. Apparently his botany labs are absolutely mandatory to pass the class, and he’s going to be gone for the first half of them because of golf tournaments. As of right now we don’t know what this means as far as him being able to pass/fail that course…and he has to have that course to graduate at the end of the year. He’s stressed about trying to handle everything…golf, school, us. Especially now that we are doing so well. And I made him spend so much time with Hailey the past month that’s he’s fallen in love with her just like I knew he would. That sounds bad. He always loved her. But he wasn’t infatuated with her like I am. Where I think about her all day, think every single thing she does is absolutely the cutest thing in the world (well except her stinky poops, while necessary, those are not cute)…and now he craves time with her, he asks me about her all the time, constantly comments on little things she does that I’m used to that he’s finally noticing. He knows now how I have felt for the past year. And it’s killing him to be away from her. It makes it that much harder to be away to these tournaments, that much harder to be out of town at school all day and practice all evening when his little girl is only 30 minutes away… I just feel so bad for him, and here I was so exhausted last night I couldn’t even muster up the energy to be NICE to him. To comfort him. I just went to bed, told him I was sorry that I couldn’t be in a better mood, and passed out immediately. I just hope the rest of the season goes by really fast. I hate knowing that my husband is stressed…he’s not the type to get stressed about anything. So when he is, you know it’s a big deal. He’s trying so hard to get through school with good grades, while trying to do well for the golf team and support his family all at the same. This situation is hard for all of us. I’ve got to try really hard to keep things organized and running smoothly this next 8 months or so, and try to make sure we stay in good spirits. This is his last year, we need to make the best of it…it’ll all be over before we know it, and we can finally have the normal life we want so badly!!!
I woke up in a bit better mood this morning, thank God. All the things I need to get done today are not helping my stress levels…I’m a bit anxious about getting everything done. I need to get all of D’s tournament clothes washed. I am determined to make him some cookies to be a good wife and cheer him up a bit. One of my very good friends whom I have known for 15 years (these are the family friends that we used to live next door to) is having her bridal shower tomorrow. Which means I have a whole list of things I need to do tonight to prepare. I have to make sure Hailey’s outfit fits. I have to find her a pair of brown shoes to go with it because the pair my friend gave me that perfectly match it are of course a whole size too big for Hailey’s tiny feet. I have to find myself something to wear…I don’t have any clothes appropriate for the occasion…I have either too casual or too dressy. Oh and I have to buy a gift! I haven’t had time to do that yet. And I really need to repaint my toenails. Hopefully I can get everything done and get a decent night’s sleep.
Ok I have to mention the tattoo drama from last night. My sister met me at home after I got off work last night. We went downtown to the nice tattoo place to make our appointments and put down the deposits. Next Friday, the 14th at 8:00 and 9:00 pm. We went by the pet store, where Hailey was supposed to see a bunch of “mammals”(animals) but everything had been sold except the fish which was weird. Then my sister didn’t want to stand and look at fish, so after not even 5 minutes she picked Hailey up and carried her to the front of the store! Honestly that ticked me off. She promised to let her look at animals, and then only wanted to let her glance at the fish and she was having a blast talking to the fishies and jumping up to see the ones in the high tanks. Anyway we left, me promising to set up Hailey’s tank at home really soon. We went home and D came home for dinner. I told him we’d set up our appointments for the tattoos. He flipped out. I mean bad. He was so mad. Yelling at me that he told me he didn’t want me to get one, throwing a few choice words in here and there. I was shocked, I had no idea he felt THAT strongly about the situation. My sister got really mad. The deposits are non-refundable! But I called the place and they said as he hadn’t drawn anything up yet we could have our money back no problem. Thank God. So we loaded in the car and D left for work, and I had to look stupid and walk back in that place to get our refund. I felt so stupid about the whole thing. I was hurt at the way D handled being upset with me about it. He still won’t tell me why he doesn’t want me to get one, only that he doesn’t want me to. I did want it, because of the meaning…but if he feels that strongly about it that’s fine, I won’t do it. I just wish instead of barking profanities at me he would have told me calmly and explained why. I know he only reacted so badly because he was stressed. Under normal circumstances he wouldn’t have handled it that way. It was just a big mess, more drama I didn’t need. I’m not really upset about not getting it. I was looking forward to it, but oh well. I don’t really care. This way, we can save the money up for something else.
Speaking of saving money up for something else. I’m trying to decide what to do about Hailey’s sleeping situation. She’s getting so big, and I’m so small, it’s getting harder and harder to rock her to sleep at night. Her legs hang off my lap. I feel like she just can’t be comfortable. I can’t help but think if I could only lay her in bed and either lay down with her(if she had a twin bed) or sit on the floor next to her toddler bed, and read to her that way…that way I wouldn’t have to get up and put her in bed once she did fall asleep, I could just creep out of the room. But is she ready for a toddler bed? She still fits perfectly fine in her crib. And it’s just lately that she hasn’t been going to sleep well while I rock her. I’m going to wait another week or two and see if things get better, but I’m seriously thinking about moving her to a toddler bed before she turns 2 like we’d originally planned. She needs to start learning now how to go to sleep in her own bed, instead of me having to rock her every night. I feel like if I start early, weaning her away from the rocking now, maybe she won’t have such a tough time with it since she’s still so young? Does anyone have any thoughts/advice on this? Babyhood and all the issues that come along with that phase I think I have down…toddlerhood is a whole different story…I feel like I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, all over again!
Changing subjects again…I like to think I speak well. Aside from the occasion wrong word usage or a tad bit of improper grammar, I think I do ok. Yes I use words like “ya’ll” and “ain’t” in everyday conversation. But sometimes I go a bit too far…maybe I’m a little overly emotional? Or overly tired? I don’t know…but there are moments (like last night) that remind me I am a good ol’ small town country girl at heart. My grammar slips, and I start using words like “dudn’t.” As in “He dudn’t know what it’s like…” It sounds right at the time, and then I think back on it later and think LORD, what does that even MEAN?? Why couldn’t I have just said “doesn’t?” I must have sounded like an idiot!
Sunday I am supposed to go to a bridal show with my sister and stepmom. I was excited to go before my sister told me her latest news. She’s moving to CA in the next few months. Which means they’ll be getting married in a courthouse once she gets there so they can live in base housing for free. They’re planning on having a real ceremony a couple years from now, when they are able to move back here. The problem with this is…I know that won’t happen. My sister is planning in her mind this huge ceremony with everything, the fancy dress, food, flowers etc. etc. If they get married at the courthouse, people are going to think it’s silly of them for having a ceremony 2 years from now…and I have a strong feeling that they’ll think it’s silly as well, and not necessary. So I’m going to this show Sunday, spending time away from Hailey and the other things I need to be doing…and I highly doubt she’s ever going to even have a real ceremony. So I’m just a tad bit irritated at that. At least I will get plenty of cake samples. I’m telling myself the cake makes it all worth it…right???
Alright well I think I’ve said enough for one post…better end it here.
First off, I woke up with tummy issues. I took some medicine the night before to try and, um, help things along (sorry if tmi) because my IBS was really acting up. Well apparently I took too big of a dose for me, because I spent the whole day yesterday running to the bathroom. I think I lost at least 2 pounds yesterday, it was horrible. On the way to work I was having such bad belly pains I almost had to pull over twice. That issue just laid the groundwork for my crappy day.
Add to that the fact that I’m exhausted. I haven’t been able to get much sleep lately, again. D’s home less, which means I’m staying up late again to spend time with him when he gets off work on the days he’s in town. And Hailey has a cold, so she hasn’t been sleeping well. Last night I tried for over an hour to get her to sleep. I read her like 5 books, falling asleep myself in the middle of each one. I tried rocking her with the lamp on and off. I tried rocking her in different positions. She was still wide awake an hour later at 9:45!! I was too tired I just couldn’t do it any longer. I had needed to do so many things, like take a shower, do a load of laundry so I’d have jeans to wear today, scoop the litter box, unload and reload the dishwasher and get that running. Finally I put her in her crib awake, and told her very firmly to lay down. When I turned the light back off she popped up her head and started to stand up, and I told her to lay down again very firmly, so amazingly she did. I crept out of the room. I got on the internet for a little bit to give her time to fall asleep without me making any noise in the house and she actually didn’t make a fuss, she just went right to sleep, thank God. Of course by that time I’m in a horrible mood, so when D gets home I’m less than friendly and so busy running around the house trying to do things when I’m so stinking tired that when he tried to stop me to give me a hug I just blew up at him to get out of the way so I could shut the door to the laundry room because the contents in the dryer were banging around loudly and I did NOT want to wait Hailey up. So he went and sat in the recliner and pouted. I told him to quit pouting, that I was not in the mood. I told him I was so pissed off, I was even pissing myself off. I feel absolutely horrible about it. When he first got home he admitted to me that he’s so stressed right now about school. Apparently his botany labs are absolutely mandatory to pass the class, and he’s going to be gone for the first half of them because of golf tournaments. As of right now we don’t know what this means as far as him being able to pass/fail that course…and he has to have that course to graduate at the end of the year. He’s stressed about trying to handle everything…golf, school, us. Especially now that we are doing so well. And I made him spend so much time with Hailey the past month that’s he’s fallen in love with her just like I knew he would. That sounds bad. He always loved her. But he wasn’t infatuated with her like I am. Where I think about her all day, think every single thing she does is absolutely the cutest thing in the world (well except her stinky poops, while necessary, those are not cute)…and now he craves time with her, he asks me about her all the time, constantly comments on little things she does that I’m used to that he’s finally noticing. He knows now how I have felt for the past year. And it’s killing him to be away from her. It makes it that much harder to be away to these tournaments, that much harder to be out of town at school all day and practice all evening when his little girl is only 30 minutes away… I just feel so bad for him, and here I was so exhausted last night I couldn’t even muster up the energy to be NICE to him. To comfort him. I just went to bed, told him I was sorry that I couldn’t be in a better mood, and passed out immediately. I just hope the rest of the season goes by really fast. I hate knowing that my husband is stressed…he’s not the type to get stressed about anything. So when he is, you know it’s a big deal. He’s trying so hard to get through school with good grades, while trying to do well for the golf team and support his family all at the same. This situation is hard for all of us. I’ve got to try really hard to keep things organized and running smoothly this next 8 months or so, and try to make sure we stay in good spirits. This is his last year, we need to make the best of it…it’ll all be over before we know it, and we can finally have the normal life we want so badly!!!
I woke up in a bit better mood this morning, thank God. All the things I need to get done today are not helping my stress levels…I’m a bit anxious about getting everything done. I need to get all of D’s tournament clothes washed. I am determined to make him some cookies to be a good wife and cheer him up a bit. One of my very good friends whom I have known for 15 years (these are the family friends that we used to live next door to) is having her bridal shower tomorrow. Which means I have a whole list of things I need to do tonight to prepare. I have to make sure Hailey’s outfit fits. I have to find her a pair of brown shoes to go with it because the pair my friend gave me that perfectly match it are of course a whole size too big for Hailey’s tiny feet. I have to find myself something to wear…I don’t have any clothes appropriate for the occasion…I have either too casual or too dressy. Oh and I have to buy a gift! I haven’t had time to do that yet. And I really need to repaint my toenails. Hopefully I can get everything done and get a decent night’s sleep.
Ok I have to mention the tattoo drama from last night. My sister met me at home after I got off work last night. We went downtown to the nice tattoo place to make our appointments and put down the deposits. Next Friday, the 14th at 8:00 and 9:00 pm. We went by the pet store, where Hailey was supposed to see a bunch of “mammals”(animals) but everything had been sold except the fish which was weird. Then my sister didn’t want to stand and look at fish, so after not even 5 minutes she picked Hailey up and carried her to the front of the store! Honestly that ticked me off. She promised to let her look at animals, and then only wanted to let her glance at the fish and she was having a blast talking to the fishies and jumping up to see the ones in the high tanks. Anyway we left, me promising to set up Hailey’s tank at home really soon. We went home and D came home for dinner. I told him we’d set up our appointments for the tattoos. He flipped out. I mean bad. He was so mad. Yelling at me that he told me he didn’t want me to get one, throwing a few choice words in here and there. I was shocked, I had no idea he felt THAT strongly about the situation. My sister got really mad. The deposits are non-refundable! But I called the place and they said as he hadn’t drawn anything up yet we could have our money back no problem. Thank God. So we loaded in the car and D left for work, and I had to look stupid and walk back in that place to get our refund. I felt so stupid about the whole thing. I was hurt at the way D handled being upset with me about it. He still won’t tell me why he doesn’t want me to get one, only that he doesn’t want me to. I did want it, because of the meaning…but if he feels that strongly about it that’s fine, I won’t do it. I just wish instead of barking profanities at me he would have told me calmly and explained why. I know he only reacted so badly because he was stressed. Under normal circumstances he wouldn’t have handled it that way. It was just a big mess, more drama I didn’t need. I’m not really upset about not getting it. I was looking forward to it, but oh well. I don’t really care. This way, we can save the money up for something else.
Speaking of saving money up for something else. I’m trying to decide what to do about Hailey’s sleeping situation. She’s getting so big, and I’m so small, it’s getting harder and harder to rock her to sleep at night. Her legs hang off my lap. I feel like she just can’t be comfortable. I can’t help but think if I could only lay her in bed and either lay down with her(if she had a twin bed) or sit on the floor next to her toddler bed, and read to her that way…that way I wouldn’t have to get up and put her in bed once she did fall asleep, I could just creep out of the room. But is she ready for a toddler bed? She still fits perfectly fine in her crib. And it’s just lately that she hasn’t been going to sleep well while I rock her. I’m going to wait another week or two and see if things get better, but I’m seriously thinking about moving her to a toddler bed before she turns 2 like we’d originally planned. She needs to start learning now how to go to sleep in her own bed, instead of me having to rock her every night. I feel like if I start early, weaning her away from the rocking now, maybe she won’t have such a tough time with it since she’s still so young? Does anyone have any thoughts/advice on this? Babyhood and all the issues that come along with that phase I think I have down…toddlerhood is a whole different story…I feel like I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, all over again!
Changing subjects again…I like to think I speak well. Aside from the occasion wrong word usage or a tad bit of improper grammar, I think I do ok. Yes I use words like “ya’ll” and “ain’t” in everyday conversation. But sometimes I go a bit too far…maybe I’m a little overly emotional? Or overly tired? I don’t know…but there are moments (like last night) that remind me I am a good ol’ small town country girl at heart. My grammar slips, and I start using words like “dudn’t.” As in “He dudn’t know what it’s like…” It sounds right at the time, and then I think back on it later and think LORD, what does that even MEAN?? Why couldn’t I have just said “doesn’t?” I must have sounded like an idiot!
Sunday I am supposed to go to a bridal show with my sister and stepmom. I was excited to go before my sister told me her latest news. She’s moving to CA in the next few months. Which means they’ll be getting married in a courthouse once she gets there so they can live in base housing for free. They’re planning on having a real ceremony a couple years from now, when they are able to move back here. The problem with this is…I know that won’t happen. My sister is planning in her mind this huge ceremony with everything, the fancy dress, food, flowers etc. etc. If they get married at the courthouse, people are going to think it’s silly of them for having a ceremony 2 years from now…and I have a strong feeling that they’ll think it’s silly as well, and not necessary. So I’m going to this show Sunday, spending time away from Hailey and the other things I need to be doing…and I highly doubt she’s ever going to even have a real ceremony. So I’m just a tad bit irritated at that. At least I will get plenty of cake samples. I’m telling myself the cake makes it all worth it…right???
Alright well I think I’ve said enough for one post…better end it here.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Don't you just love family??
My grandma called me last night. The first thing out of her mouth..."I just got off the phone with your dad..." Oh jeez. I knew what was coming. "He says you aren't happy with him and don't want to be around him and won't let him ever watch Hailey".... WHAT.THE.F*** I swear, I am so sick of that man. I have never said any of that to him. I haven't even talked to him since the night he called me and told me not to make fun of Jehovah's Witnesses. Which I told my Grandma that pissed me off. He also apparently told my grandma I never call him. Yea, newsflash here people, I DON'T CALL ANYBODY(except my mom)!! I never have, so what on earth has changed to where NOW it's weird, NOW it's personal that I'm not calling them?? I just flat out told my grandma that it has gotten to a point just now, where yea I'm going to start pulling away from the family because I'm sick of all the bullsh*t...I told her my dad is just being melodramatic, I have not talked to him and told him those things, and he needs to quit making it up in his head. And what did she do? Blamed in on my sister. She said whatever A's been telling me is a lie...she said she HAS been telling my dad more than she said she has. If this is the case, well that really pisses me off too, because 1. I don't say the things she supposedly tells him, and 2. even if I did it wouldn't be her place to let him know what I said! When will they all grow up? I don't think things are ever going to change. And my grandma is just like the rest of them. Last night after I flat out told her I don't give a flying crap what goes on in the family anymore, and I'm sorry if that sounds bad but I just don't care...she still kept talking about it. HELLO, I DON'T CARE. I don't care who hurts who, who said what, who cheated on who, who's in jail, who's in the hospital for some overly exxagerated illness...none of it. I don't care anymore. They can all be psycho and dramatic together, but I don't want any part of it. And of course...the one weekend lately that D has absolutely NOTHING going on...I have to go to my grandma's Sunday. Probably to hear more drama. SIGH And of course, D won't go with me. Because like I said, he won't spend time around my family.
Speaking of family, my MIL is coming over tonight. To see what I've done w/ the scrapbook. Which isn't a whole lot, because I don't have any pictures to put in it! When she told me a while back she was planning to buy it for us, she said she's printed a ton of wedding photos(we own the copyright, she bought it from the photographer!) and I could pick which ones I wanted. Well anytime I mention that now, she changes the subject. So I'm a bit sad...I have no way of printing any photos, for the wedding book or for Hailey's. The Kodak Easyshare printer is so hit and miss about working, plus it takes forever to print just one photo and all you can print is 4x6 or smaller. And we have no ink for our nice printer/scanner/copier and no money to go buy ink. :o( So instead of working on the scrapbooks lately I've been re-reading the 6th Harry Potter book before I start on #7. I know, I'm hurrying Mom of 2!!!
Well that's about it. Hailey was pretty sassy last night, threw a couple tantrums. One because she didn't want to leave the house. Then we went to a used children's store(where I sold the Takealong swing she always hated and a snowsuit she never wore, for 22$!!!) and she threw one because she didn't want to leave the play area there. Then another one in Halmark where we went for her to pick my mom out a card for her birthday. She even threw puzzle pieces in Halmark. Then she grabbed their nice packages of candy and went crazy, throwing them all on the floor. Oh God it was embarrassing. Oh and she kept trying to bite my shoulder out of sheer frustration and anger. And then we got home, and she was fine. She said a couple new things. Of coures now I can't remember half of it...but I do remember when we left the sitter's she said "see ya!"
I can't believe it's already Thursday. This week has flown by. Thank God!
Speaking of family, my MIL is coming over tonight. To see what I've done w/ the scrapbook. Which isn't a whole lot, because I don't have any pictures to put in it! When she told me a while back she was planning to buy it for us, she said she's printed a ton of wedding photos(we own the copyright, she bought it from the photographer!) and I could pick which ones I wanted. Well anytime I mention that now, she changes the subject. So I'm a bit sad...I have no way of printing any photos, for the wedding book or for Hailey's. The Kodak Easyshare printer is so hit and miss about working, plus it takes forever to print just one photo and all you can print is 4x6 or smaller. And we have no ink for our nice printer/scanner/copier and no money to go buy ink. :o( So instead of working on the scrapbooks lately I've been re-reading the 6th Harry Potter book before I start on #7. I know, I'm hurrying Mom of 2!!!
Well that's about it. Hailey was pretty sassy last night, threw a couple tantrums. One because she didn't want to leave the house. Then we went to a used children's store(where I sold the Takealong swing she always hated and a snowsuit she never wore, for 22$!!!) and she threw one because she didn't want to leave the play area there. Then another one in Halmark where we went for her to pick my mom out a card for her birthday. She even threw puzzle pieces in Halmark. Then she grabbed their nice packages of candy and went crazy, throwing them all on the floor. Oh God it was embarrassing. Oh and she kept trying to bite my shoulder out of sheer frustration and anger. And then we got home, and she was fine. She said a couple new things. Of coures now I can't remember half of it...but I do remember when we left the sitter's she said "see ya!"
I can't believe it's already Thursday. This week has flown by. Thank God!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
So confused
My dad called me last night at 8:40. He knows that's past Hailey's bedtime. I've been very irritated at him lately anyway, for calling all the time and getting so angry when I don't answer my phone or don't hear my phone ringing. That is the problem with this day and age. People think they should be able to get ahold of you NO MATTER WHAT, AT ALL TIMES. Ok it doesn't work that way people. If I don't feel like answering the phone, or don't feel like talking to anybody, damnit I'm not answering my phone. My dad, just because he's my dad, thinks he should be an exception to this. Which really pisses me off. I could go on and on about the issues my dad has, but I'm not going to...I'll just say this...he is insane. He literally has mental problems. He makes everyone's life a living hell. He is the reason I have "issues" and he is the sole reason for all the bad things that happened in my childhood. So, now that you know what a wonderful person he is...back to my gripe about last night. He calls at 8:40. I answer because I don't want him to keep calling, because I'm about to put Hailey to bed. I already had a bad stomachache for some reason, and he just made it worse. He called to let me know that he had heard a comment that was made and he wanted me to know that if I make fun of Jehovah's.Witnesses I'm making fun of the family. ?????????? Did I mention he's insane? This came out of NOWHERE. I haven't said a word. He talks non freaking stop about this whole Jehovah's Witness deal. That's all I hear about. I don't ever talk about it. EXCEPT this weekend. On the phone last night, he told me the comment involved someone saying something about seeing a lot of people w/ badges around town this weekend. He is so STUPID. I told him "Dad, I am the one that told you that this weekend! When I was on the phone with you while I was in Walmart trying to grocery shop!! You had mentioned how many thousands of people were at the convention this weekend, and I told you my mom saw a bunch of people in Dillard's w/ badges on and she figures something must be going on in town this weekend!" He just kind of stopped and said "Well I'm not pushing anything on you"....he was making no sense and it was really pissing me off. He called, accusing me of making fun of them, because of some comment he "heard," and it was me who made the freaking comment to him in the first place...and in no way was it making fun of ANYBODY. I am so SICK of my family. I'm sick of them discussing me behind my back I.E. my sister telling my dad he'll never watch Hailey overnight because of all the bad things that happen at their house OR my grandma telling my dad I said somebody at the Kingdom Hall said something rude to me when I went to watch my dad talk. First of all, yes I won't let them watch her for that reason, and noone said anything to me at the Kingdom Hall...my grandma should not be spreading rumors, but that's not the point. The point is, WHY ARE THEY DISCUSSING ME???? Why am I such a hot topic? Why is everybody always trying to get me involved in the drama by lying or saying things they need to keep their mouth shut about???? I am so tired of it. I have pulled so far away from them, and they've noticed. I never call them anymore, my grandma included. Which is sad, because when I was little I idolized my grandma. Now I see what my mom was always saying, she really is just a nutty old woman. And that's so sad, for that vision I had of her as a little girl, to be squashed by the reality that is HER now that I'm an adult and not so naive. I shouldn't let this bother me, but damnit it does. It bothers me that my dad thinks nothing of calling me at 3:00 in the morning and waking me up, to tell me it was NOT in face a woman in his truck when my sister and I saw him out late at night after he and my stepmom had gotten in a fight...and concocting some long story about how it was his friend blah blah blah. What none of them understand is...I DON'T CARE!! I know that sounds cold and heartless of me, but I don't give a crap if he is or isn't cheating on my stepmom. I don't care if they're fighting. I don't care if they're Jehovah's Witnesses or not. I don't care if my sister isn't taking care of her kids, and her kids are being horrible. I don't care that they have no money because they're NOT WORKING, I just freaking DON'T CARE. I know this sounds bad, but it will be such a relief when my dad dies. Yes, I will miss him being he is my dad after all. And yes, the family will fall apart. But good God, I will not miss the violence and manipulation that is his life. And I will not miss being hounded NON STOP about becoming a Witness. I am Baptist, I have always been Baptist. I respect his beliefs, he needs to respect mine. And it's so comforting to know that he thinks we're "all going to burn in hell for not being Witnesses and he doesn't care!" Why can't I just have a normal dad???????????? Sorry to unload all this, but I really needed to get it off my chest.
Monday, July 9, 2007
We don't need no Baby Einstein...
I'm a little perturbed. I have a friend who RAVES about Baby Einstein movies like there's no tomorrow. Her son, who is a week older than Hailey, LOVES them,and has since he was little bitty. I tried them on Hailey a few times at different points in her life, and I tried multiple Baby Einstein movies, and she HATES them. They just aren't for her. Honestly, they drove me nuts too. When she was younger we thought she just hated all TV. Then one night we went to rent movies and the store was having a VHS blowout. I got a children's video for her for 1$!! I had never heard of it before but it looked cute and entertaining. It was called Nick Jr. Baby Curious Buddies, Look and Listen at the Park. And lo and behold, my kid LOVES it! For a LONG time, this is the only thing she would watch on TV. Needless to say, the VHS started to wear out and skip. She was very upset, she LOVES the puppets(she knows them by name--cat, dog, pig, bear and elephant--and she makes each animal sound as they each come on the screen during the intro). So a few weeks ago I got on Amazon.com and ordered 4 new videos for her, DVDs this time, because I got buy 3 get 1 free and free shipping...at 9.95 a piece, this was a great deal!! This time we got one about the Beach(which is scratched, so I have to send it back--how annoying), Look and Listen at the Park(again), Let's Move(her fav so far!), and Helping at Home. Now half the time she's awake she's demanding to me "T Wee! T Wee!" and she'll turn it on and whine til I put on her DVD. Her new one, Let's Move, has Bear counting to ten. She LOVES this part. "Nine" is her favorite number. Recently when I would count to ten(which helps her calm down if she's upset!) when I got to 7 or 8 she'd yell "nine!" But Saturday morning she SHOCKED me. I started off counting..."one" and Hailey said "two"...so I repeated her and said "two" and she said "three"(sounding more like "tee") and I said "three" and she said "four"...!!!...so I said "four" and she said "NINE!!!!!!!!!!" Well she got the first part right!! My friend had the nerve to tell me she doesn't want her son just learning songs, she wants him actually watching something educational. HELLO. My daughter is 15 months old and she can count to 4. And she knows what animals are, and all her fruits, and how to clap for somebody when they do something good, and she's learning to stand on one foot and say please...among MANY other things. I'm just annoyed that some parents can't be open minded and realize that not all children learn from the same things, or are entertained by the same things. Just because my child doesn't take an interest in Baby Einstein(which EVERYONE recommends) does not mean she's going to be dumb or isn't going to learn things from other videos. And what's even better, we get a kick out of these Curious Buddies videos too! The songs are catchy and the movies are just entertaining in general! I don't care if other kids don't like what we like. Why do some people have to be so high and mighty? Drives me insane.
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