Changes

This afternoon we all received an email from my boss. B, the AP lady that everybody but me dislikes, is retiring at the end of June. The thought immediately popped into my head...would they want me to move up to that position? After all, that is what I did at the Hell Hole, and they know that. Apparently people can read my mind, because right away Preggo comes up to me and asks "so are you going to take her place???" I told her I have no idea, that it's a big decision, if they even offered it to me. And at least 3 other people asked me the same thing, including AP B. A million questions and concernes pop into my head when I think about this. Could I handle that job? Could I learn all the little quirks and not screw things up? Do I really WANT to do AP again? Aren't I happy with what I'm doing now? Would it be worth the pay increase? WOULD it be a pay increase? Would I really enjoy the monotony that is that job when that was one of the reasons I got so burnt out at the other place? And then the big questions...but what if we do decide it's best for me to quit working after the second baby is born? Do I really want to do that to this company? I've been wrestling with that for a while now anyway...I love this place, it's cause, the people I work with, everything...and they've told me it took a long time to finally find somebody good for my position. I've been feeling bad, that here I've finally found a place I love, with people I like, that pays incredibly well and here I may be leaving by the end of 2008...and making them start all over again in their search. I've been actually considering not staying home after the 2nd baby is born...which I never would have considered before. So if they do offer me this job, what if I retrain for this new position, and believe me AP is a LOT to learn w/ all the little quirks of all the different vendors etc...and then they'd have to retrain someone for my current position...and then what if I DO decide to stay home after the second baby is born...they'd have to retrain all over again for the AP job. I already didn't know what I was going to do about the whole job situation, and now this just throws a whole new batch of what-ifs to worry about into the mix. I'm jumping the gun here...they haven't said a word to me about the job yet...well no one that matters has anyway. K, the lady I replaced, had me give her my home phone # today...after all this happened...so I'm not sure if she wants to talk to me or what. She's so nice, we get along great. She's actually the wife of my FIL's best friend. So I guess we'll see what she has to say? The money would help tremendously...but I care enough about this company to really think about this whole situation. Again, I'm probably jumping the gun. I just hate not knowing. I wish I knew for sure that D would have a good enough job after he graduates for me to stay home after this next baby is born. I wish I knew how it would all work out. I hate not knowing. But we don't. Ideally, I guess we really should wait to try for the next baby until D graduates and has a better job, so we know where we stand with everything. And who knows, maybe December will come and something will change, and we'll decide to wait. But for now, that's our plan, and we're just having faith that everything else will fall into place. Everything will work out, no matter what happens...it's just a matter of what path are we going to take...and I hate not knowing. I know part of my sureness comes from D's reassurance. He's not one to just do things on a whim. He takes decisions like this very seriously. And not a single obstical I've come up with has deterred him from wanting this baby. He says everything will work out. His sureness makes me even more sure that this is a good decision, this is the right thing to do. Things are finally looking up for us, everything's finally going well. Everything's falling into place...so I have faith...everything's going to be ok!