Pain

I had another stomach episode last night. My stomach was already queasy, from about Tuesday morning on, with me throwing up Wednesday morning early. I didn't eat much yesterday, a little cup of soup and half a turkey sandwich for lunch, a tiny piece of baked plain chicken breast and a couple tablespoonfuls of chicken rice for dinner. That's it. My mom dropped by for a few minutes right around 7:30 and D left for work. Then all of a sudden I started having the stabbing pains in my stomach again like I did a while back when I had to go to the ER. My stomach was gurgling like crazy but for some reason since I had Hailey I can't really have diarrhea...I get all the horrible pain and gurgling and none of the relief. Last night I FINALLY was able to go but it was a mixture of constipation and diarrhea if that makes any sense. It was horrible. I was on the toilet for over 2 hours. WHY do they not make toilets more like the benches that are in outhouses? You know, the bench with the hole??? This would be SO much more comfortable to sit on than trying to perch on top of this little tiny toilet. My stomach hurt worse because I couldn't get comfortable. Finally I gave in and asked my mom to stay til D got off work because I was going to take a pain pill. I didn't think I'd ever have to use them when they prescribed them to me. Course I didn't think I'd ever have this happen again either. I was already fighting throwing up so hard that it was extremely hard to get that pill down. I finally did and about 45 minutes later it started to kick in and dull the pain. I was finally able to get off the bathroom floor (I'd been using the dirty towels/clothes pile in the basket as a pillow, ew) and go lay in bed. I talked to my mom for a little bit until D got home. I got to sleep around midnight but it was a really weird sleep...the pill was making me a bit funky so I was having really weird dreams where I was half in/half out of consciousness and I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. Finally I realized Hailey babbling was real and got up to find her standing at her door in the dark. Just picking her up and carrying her back to bed made me almost throw up. It was about 2:00 by that time. I laid in bed w/ her til she went back to sleep and finally went back to bed. I didn't get much sleep at all. Today my stomach is still really queasy and my whole insides hurt. I also have an almost flat stomach which I haven't had in years. Tuesday at my dr. appointment I was down two lbs. to 107. As of this morning I'm down another three lbs. to 104. I haven't weighed this since oh, high school? I don't have the stomach flu. I just can't eat, can't keep anything down, keep having poop issues. Hopefully it won't last much longer. I'm so worn out and lightheaded. My stomach is still gurgling too, ugh. :(

My daughter is such an absolute sweetheart. I didn't want her to see me like that but she insisted. At one point she walked in the bathroom and kissed me on the knee. Later as I was kneeling face down in the fetal position on the bathroom floor she walked up and patted my shoulder and rubbed my back. A little later I was calling for my mom between waves of pain and my mom said "What honey?" Hailey came in and walked right up and looked me in the face and in the sweetest little voice imaginable said "What, honey? What, honey?" It melted my heart. I looked at her and told her--not my mom--"You know the chair in the living room? Can you go get Mommy's fuzzy PJ pants off that chair and bring them to me?" and off she went. She ran back to the bathroom and gave me my pants. She is just the most caring, kindhearted, thoughtful little girl. I am so incredibly lucky to have her!