Life as we know it...

Here's to hoping...

2010-01-13T13:56:00.002-06:00

Things have brightened considerably in the recent months. A little update...

~I quit my job at the daycare I was working for. It was turning Hailey into a MONSTER. The kids there were so bad. And they worked my ass off, 10 hour days, for about 3.60 an hour (what my pay came down to after I paid Hailey's fee to attend). So as soon as D got a job, I quit. And I'm so happy I did. Hailey's getting back to normal now that we're home again.

~I started watching a little girl at home. I'll be keeping my nephew as well as soon as the registration with the state goes through. He's state paid. I'm already making more money now, with just one kid, than I was making at that daycare. Which means between D's job and mine, we can finally pay all our bills. Thank God.

~I finally gave D a last ultimatum months ago. I think between me calmly telling him that if he doesn't start acting like a husband I'm getting my own place, and him having such a rough time finding a job without help from family for once...he grew up. His eyes finally opened. He FINALLY heard what I was saying, and took it to heart. He's been amazing. Not like helping around the house once in a while, playing with Hailey once in a while like he used to, amazing...but like REALLY amazing. Like I finally have a husband I brag about. And want to spend time with. And MISS when he's gone. It's totally weird. He talks to me. He takes interest in our lives. He's INVOLVED. He plays with Hailey a ton. They've become little buddies. He even talks to my family now...tells my mom things about Hailey when she comes over, and even talks to my cousin. She told me recently that when he started doing card tricks on her, she knew she'd been accepted. LOL Things have been great. He's finally grown up. God it took him long enough.

~With that said, we've decided to start trying for another baby. We're finally at a place where it would be a good thing. Hailey's at the right age, we're getting along better than we ever have, we're somewhat financially stable, I'm able to stay home AND make money...it's the perfect situation. And I can't wait. I've never been able to really try for a baby before. We tried for one month after I was let go from my job back in May...we thought since I was going to be home from then on, it was a good time. But I went back on the pill right away when I found out we weren't successful that month, since things weren't looking so good between D and I. So for really the first time in my life, I'm finally TRYING for a baby. I didn't get to appreciate Hailey as a baby, and I cannot WAIT for the next one. I feel like I already love it and it's not even real yet LOL This will be my first time experiencing that joy and love at first sight. My mom's finally ready to be a grandma again as well. All that she asks is that we have another little girl. :) I'm hoping for another little girl as well, but anything is fine as long as it's healthy! We've just started our 2nd month trying, so hopefully we won't have to wait TOO long!

~I've started really figuring out the little things that make me happy, and doing those things for myself. This year WILL be a better year. Last year was insane. This year I'm taking things day by day, and really appreciating EVERYTHING we have, appreciating the time we have together, and remembering it's the little things in life that count. I'm drinking hot tea more. And coffee. I found these amazing coffee bags, just like tea bags...that make great single cups of coffee! I'm horrible at brewing a pot. I'm reading more. I'm watching a couple TV shows that I love without missing episodes. I hold Hailey's hand. I read her books. Lots of books. We love books! I look forward to cuddling with Hailey in bed every night. She sleeps with me now. D snores so super bad, it finally came to a point where we just had to start sleeping in separate rooms. And although everyone says it's better for Hailey to sleep in her own room...we just don't care. My favorite part of the day is cuddling up with her in bed, reading books, watching about 10 minutes of one of her movies, and then falling asleep with her snuggled up to my back. I love it.

~We found out after my sister moved to Haw.aii that her husband has to be deployed yet AGAIN. This time to Afghanistan. This will be his 3rd deployment. She's alone in Haw.aii. I've offered to let her stay with us for the months that he's gone. I hate to think of her being alone. She's like me. We need our people.

SO, here's to hoping. Hoping that my brother in law comes back home to us healthy and safe. Hoping for another baby. And hoping that 2010 proves to be a MUCH better year than 2009...that this year will be full of happiness and peace for my family!!

Warm Cranberry Tea

2009-10-17T13:49:00.004-05:00

I came across a recipe in the new Dillard's Southern Living Christmas Cookbook (on pg. 124) that I just had to try. I've had a horrible chest cold lately and any sort of hot drink sounds SO GOOD. They're super soothing on the throat! We ran to Walmart today to get the ingredients and Hailey helped me make a big batch. It is unbelievably YUMMY!!! (Excuse the blurry pictures, they were taken with my camera phone!)

Warm Cranberry Tea

Prep: 5 min. Cook: 20 min.

1 (48 oz.) jar cranberry juice cocktail

2 cups sugar

1/4 cup lemon juice

4 (3 inch) cinnamon sticks

1 Tbsp. whole allspice

1/2 gal. unsweetened tea

1 cup orange juice

Bring first 5 ingredients to a boil in a large dutch oven; reduce heat, and simmer 10 minutes. Remove from heat. Remove cinnamon sticks and allspice; stir in tea and orange juice. Yield: 16 cups.

Cool Cranberry Tea: Prepare recipe as directed. Chill tea mixture 2 hours. Stir in 1 liter ginger ale, chilled, just before serving. If desired, garnish with lemon slices, fresh cranberries and cinnamon sticks. Yield: about 20 cups.

Update

2009-10-04T12:28:00.004-05:00

Things have been crazy lately, as usual.

My sister went back to California, and is now a resident of beautiful Hawaii.

Last weekend I drove to STL to visit my cousin and her little girl. That night about 11:00 Hailey started coming down with a fever. My cousin's little girl got sick the next day...I'm used to Hailey having bugs here and there so I didn't think anything of it. My cousin, on the other hand, has always been a stay at home mom which means her daughter has hardly ever been sick. So she freaked at the 102 degree temp and took her to the dr. It's a good thing she did...the girls apparently had swine flu. Which it turns out, really isn't that big of a deal! Unless you have a heart or breathing problem, which neither of the girls do, thank goodness. Hailey was over her fever Tuesday.

Monday I left Hailey with my unemployed husband and went to apply at a childcare center right outside of town. They had me work on the playground for about an hour. They told me to go into DFS the next day and see about qualifying for free childcare. Yet again, being married screwed me over...we don't qualify. With or without D working. Without him working, they consider him able to care for her while I work. With him and I both working, even if we didn't make over 8$ an hour each, we still would be over the income limit because we only have one kid. I called the owner of the center Tuesday afternoon to let him know what I found out. They were very nice and said they could give me a 40% discount for Hailey to go there. He called me back later that day and just like that, I had a job. I started my new job Wednesday, only 2 days after I applied. My first day was HORRIBLE...but I think it was only because I wasn't quite prepared for what they wanted me to do, and because I hate change with a passion. Also Hailey stayed home with D for most of the day, to make my first day a little easier on me...D ended up bringing her at about 2:00 though, so he could go hunting. Nice. He hasn't changed. So the rest of the day was difficult, her clinging to me, not wanting me to do my job etc....I mean she's had my full undivided attention for 4 months now. Anyway, long story short, I completely changed professions from boring ol' accounting...and am now a teacher of an awnry, energetic, and adorable group of 2 year olds! I never quite believed I would be a teacher, even though I always sorta wanted to be. It's a HUGE job. With little pay. But it's worth it, it's rewarding, it's fun, and I get to wear YOGA PANTS to work every day if I want!! (Did I mention how much WORK this job is?!?! I never get to sit down. I sweep and mop floors, constantly pick up and clean, and I'm not even going to talk about the bathroom breaks right now, with 6 to 8 little 2 year olds running amock. It's craziness! But I love it...and hell, I may even lose some weight because of all the activity! LOL)

Amidst all the craziness of starting a new job and falling into place there, and trying to get my kid used to being in a new school, she comes down with ANOTHER fever. Complains of her ear hurting, and on my 3rd day of work throws up all over my bathroom. I called work, told them I'd be in a few minutes late, scheduled a dr. appt. for Hailey and had to leave her home with my (still) unemployed husband...and he's sick too, which means he's a huge baby right now, as well as a humongous GRUMP. Luckily they let me off work at 11:30 so I could come home and take Hailey to the dr. She had a horrible ear infection, bulging ear drum etc. Poor baby :( Rough week for her. She's on meds now and on the mend. Thank God.

Now I am on the hunt for lesson plans and activities for 2 year olds...the group I have have had so many different teachers (apparently nobody sticks around for long because 2 year olds are not the desired age to teach) that they don't know their colors, shapes, how to count or say the ABC's...any of it. It's hard to do activities when they don't even know the basics, and haven't been taught how to behave. So far I think things are going great. I think the kids are going to learn to listen to me...even after just 2 days in the classroom with them, I've been told they listen to me better than they have anybody else, even better than the other teachers that still work there. They seemed to have some fun with the activities I came up with (shape hokie pokie and playing WITH them during free play--which the teachers of the other classes don't do.) I'm still nervous about this week...the things that worry me are little things, like when do I schedule recess? The center doesn't have set times, which seems crazy to me. The place seems unorganized, it drives me nuts. I got lucky last week, it was way too rainy to even think about going outside. I just hate not knowing what's coming up, when to do what, etc. I like to be prepared. I know the longer I'm there, the better things will get. It's just getting to that point that is the hard part.

As far as D goes...I don't have a clue what to do. He can't get a job, not even an INTERVIEW. He's been applying everywhere, even places like Home Depot and Bass Pro. He's applied for janitor positions at the college here in town, because he's got 9 years of experience in that area. But he hasn't gotten a single interview anywhere. He's frustrated, but not as frustrated as he should be. He doesn't care that bills are going unpaid. He's still going hunting and playing golf a lot. He's going NOTHING around the house...and he criticized me for not making the house spotless when I wasn't working...even though I had Hailey to take care of and entertain all day every day. He doesn't watch her, he doesn't have a job...but yet he does nothing but make the house DIRTIER. I'm trying very hard to deal with a sick kid, a new job with long hours, my FMS problems (exhaustion and hurting) AND keep the house clean. I might as well be single. Seriously. I've come so super close to making him leave. When it comes down to it, I just don't want to move in with my mom. I'm so used to having my own space. In a perfect world, I would have enough money to get an apartment of my own for Hailey and I. And D would still be courteous, and pay child support when he got a job, and let me have full custody so he could go off and do whatever he wants whenever he wants. I cannot be without my daughter. I don't trust him with her for a day, let alone a weekend...especially with the fact that he'd be living with his parents (because face it, regardless of what he thinks, he could NOT support himself) and they do things like not feeding her because she isn't complaining about being hungry. And she hates staying there. She refuses to spend the night with them. UGH I just never wanted to be in this mess. I do love D, like you would love your best friend that you've had for the last 10 years. But he treats me like crap, and doesn't act like a husband at all. Still. And I just can't put up with this forever. I'm so torn on what to do. Right now I'm going to concentrate on my new job, and eventually, HOPEFULLY, I'll work things out in my head and be able to move on with my life...whether it's with him, or not.

To switch to a brighter subject...the pumpkin festival in Hartsburg, MO is coming up soon and I'm SO super excited!!! My mom took the whole weekend off work...I'm not even bugging D to go this year. My mom, Hailey and I are going to go and have a blast! I should have a new picture to put up after next weekend...I'll do like I normally do and post each year's picture, so everybody can see how much Hailey has changed!! :)

If anybody has any ideas for activities for my class, or websites they recommend etc., PLEASE let me know! Thanks!

Is there anybody out there?

2009-08-24T23:50:00.015-05:00

Helllllllllllloooooooooooooooo...

After contemplating FO EVA what to do about this here bloggy thing, I guess I'm back.

WOW has my life ever changed.

After my last post things started going really downhill. I just couldn't handle everything, working 40 hrs a week, taking care of Hailey by myself since D was never home to help (or didn't help when he was home), all the stress of my family, financial stress etc. etc. etc. Something had to happen. I was at my breaking point. I was struggling just to make it through each day. Finally, something drastic did happen. I was fired from my job May 15 because I'd been less than 5 minutes late one too many times. No matter the salaried people (including my boss) were often later than myself. OH WELL. Whatever. I'm over it. For appx. 1.5 months I was blissfully happy. Being a stay at home mom was great. Then my husband was laid off from his job because in today's economy, less and less people can afford things like landscaping their yard. And I'm not gonna lie, every week is a struggle. Some better than others. D and I are trying really hard to make our marriage work, and it hasn't been going well at all. We're on another upswing, thanks to my telling myself daily to be more positive and make the best of things. That's all I can do. At least I'm not working anymore, so I can rest when I need to and have more energy for housework and Hailey. I actually cook meals now, take Hailey to the park...and D's looking for jobs. He found out today an application to the university around here was accepted, FINALLY, for a research position...I'm praying that works out well. Anyhoot...

Just a few pretty big things that have happened since my last post...

~In March I took a trip to Cali all by myself, to visit my lil sister. I flew for the first time EVER...all that worrying all my life, of my fear of heights and claustrophibia making me not able to fly...it was all for nothing! The minute that plane started to take off, I felt nothing but excitement. It was an absolute thrill. I would fly again tomorrow. I loved it.

I flew into LAX. Never thought in a million years I'd be in LA. Let alone flying into the LAX. Awesome.

I saw the ocean for the first time in CA...Redando Beach. Loved it.

And I also got my first tattoo (Hailey's initials). All around amazing experience...one that I will never forget.

~D and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary in June. We took Hailey to the Zoo and took her up in the Arch for the first time, which she loved. It was a good day, overall. In September, we will have been together 10 years. (Side note: my cousin's little girl who I swear was JUST a baby a couple years ago, is turning 16 this week. That's how old I was when I started dating D. And now S is turning 16, and somehow that realization is making me feel SUPER duper old!)

~A couple weeks ago I drove a bajillion miles with my cousin in tow, all the way from Mid-MO where I live to 29 Palms, CA to pick up my sister. We made the trip in 2 days, stopping at a hotel to sleep one night in Tucumcari, NM. We drove through Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and finally into California. I never want to drive through mountains again. We drove back to Mid-MO after sleeping one night at my sister's. She did most of the driving this time, thank God. We took a different route this time, through Las Vegas which was too cool, Utah (we stopped briefly in Salina to TRY to sleep in a hotel parking lot...we failed to get any rest, and I was suffering from it pretty bad...I hurt something HORRIBLE). I don't think I've ever been so happy to see the sun as I was after that hellish nigh in Utah... Riding through Colorado was absolutely awesome. Amazingly BEAUTIFUL. We stopped in a little town right outside of Vail, and I seriously didn't wanna leave. The little rest stop was right by a mountain stream...talk about amazing. I took over the driving in Denver, but only lasted a couple hours into Kansas. I was just beat. The trip home took a toll on our bodies and our relationships with each other. It was an experience, to say the least. But I'm proud to say I did it. I got to see some amazing places I never thought I'd ever get to see. I visited 7 new states (wow!) and even got to see the lights of Vegas! It was definitely an amazing life experience.

Somewhere in Utah

I'll end with a beautiful picture of Colorado.

I'll be around more from now on, promise...

Tutu Cute

2009-02-13T09:29:00.004-06:00

I'm getting so super excited about little miss's upcoming 3rd birthday!! We're doing ONE party this year, finally, and I want it to be lots of fun and excitement for the girlie. I have no idea where it's going to be or what theme we're going to do...but we have the outfit picked out, so at least she'll look nice!! :)

We ordered this tutu off Etsy last night...the fuchsia and black 6" one. It's going to be so cute, I can't wait!! To go under it we ordered these little capri leggings from Walmart.com. Free shipping to the store, they cost me just over 4$!
I'm going to make something like this for H to wear in her hair, except I'll make it on a pony tail holder and use varying black and fuchsia ribbons, minus the korkers because they're a pain to make.

For shoes, we're going to get her a little pair of black and white low top Converse. We're going for a sort of funky, "little girl playing dress up" look...nothing too dressy, but still cute. :) Can't wait!!!

Any ideas for a shirt to go with this outfit??? That's the last piece of the puzzle, and we're completely clueless!!

Uncertainty

2009-01-27T11:46:00.002-06:00

Well I'm giving D the option of marriage counseling. He's always said no to it in the past, so I can't see why now would be any different. But I'm so so tired of dealing with this. It's affecting me physically. I'm so stressed I'm getting sick every day now. I've tried not letting it bother me, but the past couple days have been bad. I just can't ignore the fact that it's still not working.

We have no money, and he knows this. Yet he continues to eat out every day for lunch, even though he just bought a nice new cooler to take his lunches in...he's too lazy to make his lunch before he goes to bed and won't get up early enough to make it in the mornings. So we're going to overdraw our account, because he's lazy. Which is nothing new. I've dealt with this every single semester he's been in school. So now he comes home last night and tells me we need to save up $375 for this golf trip to CA which the school can't pay all of the expenses for...I calmly told him to call his dad and ask him for the money because we haven't even paid our property taxes yet. He then proceeded to tell me that he sold a book that day for $45 so he's putting that towards the golf trip. Because I didn't want to fight, I didn't bring up the fact that he KNOWS we're going to overdraw our account, so shouldn't he give me the money for bills and whatnot...I just left it at that. But then today he calls and yells at me that he NEEDS knew windshield wipers. He can't see at all. I couldn't on the way to work this morning either...but he had to PULL OVER for Christ sakes! I told him to get wipers then. But I thought about it, and called him back, and told him to use the 45$ from his book sale for his wipers. And what does he say? "NO! That's for the trip!" Ok, so we're going to overdraw our account for some wipers and pay OD fees. How the hell does that make any sense!??!

Is this normal??? I really need to know...does everyone have to deal with crap like this, or is my husband really the huge idiot I think he is!??! I don't have money to buy groceries, but thank GOD he's got 45$ sitting in his wallet to put towards his golf trip...

Am I over reacting here? I'm starting to feel more and more inclined to get things set up for divorce...getting my credit cards paid off (if he'd ever quit blowing what little extra money we have), putting some money in savings to help with the bills when he's gone...because we all know there's no way in hell I'm getting child support from his sorry ass. How could I, without him having a steady job. Because I'm SO not counting on this whole stupid caddy position in Florida to really happen...and he wouldn't be making squat doing it anyway.

:( Today sucks...

It's been a while...

2009-01-22T12:34:00.003-06:00

So...I don't really know where to begin. Things have been sort of crazy...like always I guess. And I haven't felt like writing for some reason. So, if anybody still reads this...here goes. I think I'll just use bullets.

~I'll start off with something that's really silly but that makes me happy...I figured out if I wash my hair at night, sleep on it all night, then put this special gel/cream on it in the morning, I can wear my hair curly with little to no frizz. It's awesome.

~I've gained about 15 lbs over the last 2 months, Lord knows why...and I feel disgusting and lumpy and my clothes are too tight. So I'm back to drinking only diet soda and *trying* not to snack all day or eat a snack before bed (perfect timing, seeing as how my mom just gave me a HUGE box of baklava, which I LOVE...SIGH)

~They threatened me at work finally. Told me if I was late one more day by even a minute they were firing me. I also was instructed to cut down on the dr. appointments (why I haven't been back to the neurologist to sort out my problems) and up my output at work. I've since gotten caught up at work (was behind from being gone almost a whole week sick) and I get here on time or early most days, but now my boss is acting weird towards me and I don't know if I'm just being paranoid or if I have a REASON to be paranoid.

~I finally had to sit down and just tell D that things aren't working. I explained to him that I just don't think he's capable of the kind of love and support that I need, and that it's not fair to both of us to stay together when the relationship just isn't going well. I basically told him I don't think it would be a bad idea for him to move to FL where his new job is going to be. (I'm not moving...) Maybe take a year to find himself, grow up a bit, then come back and see where we stand. I also told him if he does want to stay together we've both got to work at this REALLY hard because things HAVE to change. No more of the whole things are fine for a week or two and then he's back to normal, calling me names, treating me like crap. I FINALLY got to him, he FINALLY really understood what I was saying and it really affected him. Or so I thought. After about two weeks, like usual, we're back to fighting, him being worthless as a husband. So I don't know what to do. I can't afford to live without him. Without a steady job I would never get child support. I really do love him, but sometimes I hate him with a passion at the same time. He finally agreed that we'd always be friends if we do break up, which is something he used to adamantly refuse to...unless I cheat on him, of course. I'm really torn up about the whole thing, about not knowing what to do. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but it's really hard.

~My dad's in jail. I'm so upset about this. He's already talking about not being able to make it. He gets so down, and I know EXACTLY how he feels and how his brain works, because I'm the same way. I'm praying to God everyday to give him the strength to hold on and get through it. I hate it that when he's finally turned his life around and become such a good person, that he has to go to jail for something that happened almost a year ago. (I posted about it on here...)

~My friends have really rallied around me and I thank God every single day for them. My old friends and my newer ones. A group of us came together for no other reason than we all have kids (or were wanting them and trying to get pregnant) and we live in the same town...we're all from different walks of life, different professions, different interests, everything, but we've gotten very close and genuinely care about each other, despite our differences. I don't know what I did to deserve being included, but they did include me, and I am so so thankful! The fact that these are new people, that haven't known me for years and years, that actually like me and want to spend time with me, makes me feel awesome. They don't judge me for my quirks at all...actually they seem to like me for my uniqueness! If it wasn't for my awesome friends and family, I honestly don't know how I would have gotten this far through the mess that is my life lately.

~I'm still having problems being way tired all the time, waking up all the time at night, falling to sleep in less than a minute, hurting off and on, not remembering things...but I'm trying to work through it. If I'm tired, I try to rest. When I'm feeling good, I try to get out and have fun instead of doing housework non stop. I'm trying to make free time and spend it with family and friends that make me happy...even if it means leaving Dan home alone to be bored out of his mind once in a while. People remind me of things I've forgotten, which is super helpful.

~Going along with the last thing about sleep, is another HUGE development. Hailey is now sleeping in her own bed (she's been in our bed for months now) AND for the first time in her life she is putting herself to sleep at night. Which helps me GREATLY. No more laying in there for hours waiting for her to fall asleep. We read a book, say our goodnight saying, kisses, nightlight on, classical lullaby CD on, and I leave the room. She still gets up a couple times most nights, but she goes back to bed without a huge fight and usually falls to sleep within 30 minutes of me first putting her to bed. Last night she didn't get up at ALL!! Now I can put her to bed and go get in bed myself, or go finish a chore, or have time to get on the internet for a little bit...it's wonderful!! I really wish I'd done it sooner. If I ever have another baby, I will for sure try to train them to go to sleep on their own at MUCH sooner an age than I did with Hailey. I do miss snuggling with her at night and falling asleep with her little arm wrapped securely around my side...but it's so much healthier for all of us this way.

~I read all the Twilight books and have seen the movie four times. When it first came out I made D go with me because nobody else was free. The 2nd time I took my sister in law. The 3rd time I took my cousin. And the 4th time I took my mom. My mom shares my love of Twilight, which I think is totally awesome. I have also fallen in love with Rob Pattinson (not because he was Edward in the movie, just because he's him...) and I want an Edward for myself LOL I found a site on Etsy that actually sells scented lotions that are scented like the characters in the book are described as smelling. I absolutely LOVE the Edward lotion. It's become a joke with my family and friends now...my mom called me last night and asked me what I was doing and I told her I was rubbing some Edward all over my butt (my skin's been SO DRY lately!!) HAHA well we think it's funny anyway... In case anybody is interested, the shop is Essence of Twilight.

~I've gotten started back up making things to sell on Etsy...I'm doing more Valentine's Day stuff right now, but will soon be into more general things again. :)
Well I'm still clumsy as ever...I just spilled diet coke all over my desk...maybe that's a sign I need to get back to work ;) Hope everyone is doing well. I'll try to post again soon.

Comfort

2008-12-17T07:59:00.002-06:00

It's dizzying how fast my thoughts/feelings seem to change. Sometimes I feel like my mind works on it's own and I'm just along for the ride, dealing with whatever comes along.

I'm wondering now how I could have felt like I dislike my husband, just a week ago. And now, as sudden as it came on, the feeling's gone. It was such a STRONG feeling. Thank God I know not to act on my decisions without thinking in depth about everything. Now, just a week later, I look at him and see somebody that I know I can't live without, no matter how frustrated I get at times. He's my best friend. He knows everything about me. He's the one person, besides my mom, that I feel 100% comfortable around. I can let down my guard and just be me. I love that comfort. And I love him for loving me, despite all my flaws.

Other guys literally make my stomach turn after a while...sometimes just a week, sometimes a couple months...but it ALWAYS happens. There comes a time when I look at them and just think EW. And I turn into a bitch, and they end up not liking me and never talking to me again. I just can't help it. I've been with D over 9 years now, and I am still able to look at him and think how much I love his shoulders, and his arms. And his voice. He's my D, and I don't think that'll ever change. I just need to grow up and realize that that all-consuming love generally just doesn't happen. And honestly, now I don't think I'd want it. We had a talk this weekend where I tried to tell D I felt like we were just really good friends. He disagreed...he told me that we were just well beyond our years, and acted like we'd been married for ages. At first I didn't see it, but after thinking about it for a few days, I see that he's right. I think I just had a momentary freak out, and now that I've dealt with it, we can move on. We do need to learn to respect each other and treat each other with love...that's for sure. But I really think things will get better from here on out. Now that I've realized I don't want anybody else.

what I know...

2008-12-16T15:35:00.003-06:00

~My cell phone smells good. :)

~My husband is a freak about hunting, he's so serious about it...yet he answers his phone with a whisper when I call...?? He's weird.

~I know why I'm with D...he's the only guy I've ever been with that doesn't make me sick to my stomach after a while. I feel like such a bitch...but guys just get old REALLY quick. And they never get the hint.

~I'm freaking starving...cookies for breakfast, Starbuck's for lunch and chocolate for a snack is NOT a healthy, filling diet...

~My sister's actually coming home for Christmas, and I'm so excited I think I could explode.

~I'm in love with Robert Pattinson.

~I don't mind snow but I hate sleet that freezes on my windshield so I can't see where I'm going.

~Christmas is going to be awesome this year.

~I love my new haircut.

~My little brother is almost 14, and that makes me feel SUPER old.

Where to begin

2008-12-08T16:28:00.002-06:00

Ok so I've been MIA forever. There has been a lot going on. Bullets seem like the most appropriate way to write this post, since I don't have time to go into a whole lot of detail right now. So, this is my always complicated life in a nutshell...as it is right now...

~I'm most likely not going to be staying with my husband. I had an epiphany about 2 weeks ago. I'm turning 26 soon and I don't want to waste the next 10 years of my life with somebody that hurts me left and right, like I have the last 10 years. I want more. I'm sorry. I want to be loved. That's not too much to ask. This is really difficult because while I feel this way now, I can't act on it now. Money and kids complicate things. I'm so confused right now. I don't know what to do or how to proceed. All I know is I want love. I'm sick of waiting. And I'm getting impatient. My family is being totally supportive of me. Thank God for my mom, stepmom and dad. Yes, I did just say thank God for my dad. He has been amazing through all this, giving me advice and guidance. He's being a father, and it's so nice. It's too bad he's about to go to jail. I just want to be friends with D. But I know that could never happen. :( It's all or nothing with him.

~I've been taking care of EVERYTHING around the house with no complaints towards D. I think I'm setting myself up for being a single mom. Why bitch at him a million times to take out the trash when I can just bag it up myself and do a better job?

~I've seen the Twilight movie twice. I'm a Twilight-aholic all of a sudden. I've read all the books, even the partial rough draft online of Midnight Sun on the Stephenie Meyers website. I wish I had an Edward to sweep me off my feet (minus the newborn's hunting me, I have had bad dreams about that...minus the good Edward part, WTF gives??!?!). Because of this movie I'm now in love with Robert Pattinson. I feel like a 13 year old girl again, being so crazy over a famous guy. I think it has something to do with finally finding myself again and not caring what D thinks. All I know is Robert Pattinson is not only hot, but seems to be a very interesting person. LOL I'm such a nerd I know.

~I finally got my hair cut after 1.5 years of letting it grow out. I just got a trim and a few layers, but it looks so much healthier, I freaking LOVE it! I did it on a whim Saturday night. Again, I think it's part of the whole finding myself deal. I've been taking better care of myself lately.

~Hailey's sleeping with us every night now. I've finally admitted to the world that I like having my daughter in bed with me. We go to bed together at night, she cuddles up to my back while I read by the light of my cell phone. It's just so peaceful. I love snuggling with her in the middle of the night. Now if only we could find some way to get D out of the bed...

~By some weird coincidence today I finally found an old friend I've been looking for for years. We'd had crushes on each other our Freshman year in highschool but lost touch when I started dating my then-boyfriend. I've tried to look him up for years with no luck. Then today, right when I'm feeling like I really need a friend to talk to, I got on Facebook and there in the updates I saw his name. Another friend had accepted a friend request from him. I couldn't believe it. So I sent a friend request to him and he IM'd me not 20 minutes later. We talked all day minus the lunch break. I sort of don't know what to think. I feel bad that I'm excited. And there's more to the story. He's engaged to a woman he hates because she cheated on him 6 months ago. If he had the guts or another woman he'd leave her. But he's such a good guy. Very sweet, caring. Always was even back then. He has a 2 year old little girl. But I feel stupid that I feel excited. He lives over 4 hours away. And has a kid. And I'm still married. I'm not being stupid here, we're just getting back in touch and it's been so long but the timing of it all is just so weird.

And now I've gotta go pick up Hailey. I feel like I have no time to blog anymore :(

Sorry Adam, apparently she's not a fan

2008-11-26T16:12:00.000-06:00

One day last week on the way to the sitter's I happened to have the radio on in the car, which hardly ever happens...like ever, seriously. So I was super excited when The Thanksgiving Song by Adam Sandler came on. Love it..."I love to eat turkey, cause it's good...I love to eat turkey like a good boy should..." Yep, too funny. Anywho...much to my dismay, Hailey was NOT impressed. "Mommy, what's this?" with a look of either utter disgust or utter confusion on her face (I couldn't tell which it was)..."The Thanksgiving song!" I told her. She said "The ThanksGIVING song???" like that was THE stupedist thing she had EVER heard in her whole 3 years of life. "Yea, The Thanksgiving song! It's funny! He's singing about turkey!" I told her. Again, she says "The ThanksGIVING song??" "YES" I told her. Then as we were getting out of the car at the sitter's, Hailey asked me "Mommy, where's Darks Bentweys???" SIGH...Ok, I love Dierks. I really do. He sings good, he's hot, he sings great...but come on, she totally dissed Adam Sandler and a totally classic song! Oh well, at least she likes "Darks" LOL I can live with that.

Speaking of Darks, the other day Hailey was super happy when I put his CD in the player in the car. She exclaimed "Mommy, this is Darks Bentweys?? Grandma gave it back to us from her car???" It was so cute. She was so excited. And she tries to sing the sings, and dances in her car seat. How cute is she?? I think she's gotta be his youngest fan. Anybody know where to get her a TShirt? LOL

Update

2008-11-18T12:44:00.003-06:00

So my MRI went ok...the meds they gave me to sedate me didn't kick in til after I got home. Lot of help they were! :) But I was able to hold still and concentrate so I didn't panic or freak out. They got the pictures they needed, and now I'm nervously awaiting the results. Of course, being the worrier I am, I'm worried I have a brain tumor or something since it's taking so long to get the results...but I'm staying positive. Just because I got most of the bad things from both sides of the family so far, doesn't mean I have to get the horrible ones too, right?? Well that's what I keep telling myself anyway.

I'm super excited about the craft show I'm participating in this weekend. It's not a huge one, just a few of us at my friend's house with our displays set up for a couple hours. We invited family, friends and friends of friends. I've made a few bow boards, a bunch of super cute matchbook style notepads, a bunch of gift tags (most in the more traditional style that you just tape on a package), sets that include a card and two coordinating gift tags...5 x 7 Christmas cards...WHEW! And I'm making even more! I'm designing and making some gift card holders tonight that my husband's grandma ordered, and if I like the design enough I may make some of those for the sale as well! We're really hoping it goes well. Anything I don't sell I'll be listing in my Etsy store!

I've started my Christmas shopping already. I have a list of things I want to get for Hailey in regular stores but I'm waiting for the after Thanksgiving sales in hopes I'll find a good bargain on at least some of them. After my awesome experience getting up at the butt crack of dawn to hit the Walmart Black Friday sales last year (leaving Hailey and D home asleep) I'm super excited for this year...even my mom is excited after my experience last year!!! I think we're going to go together and make it a fun little outing...I wonder if Starbuck's opens that early...hmmm. So anyway, back to gifts...the rest of the stuff I've purchased off of, where else, Etsy! I love knowing I'm supporting others just like myself, and the stuff is awesome! I'm having a lot of fun with the season this year. Both Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's not stressing me out at all. I can't wait to decorate for Christmas (my husband is such a Scrooge, he won't let me put up the tree or anything yet...but I snuck out a new "JOY" decoration early and he hasn't noticed teehee!)

That's about all I have time for right now. Hope everyone's having a great week!

Photos by Kristybee - Feature

2008-11-18T11:15:00.005-06:00

I have always loved photography...a dream of mine has always been to be a professional photographer. Taking pictures of things I find beautiful or interesting and having people appreciate my work enough to pay me for it...how great would that be?

I have a small list of favorite photographers. Some really famous, some not quite there yet. I recently came across a shop on Etsy, Photos by Kristybee, that I have fallen in love with and added to my list of favorites.

Kristy's photos are so amazingly beautiful, I wish I could buy every single one. I love how she uses natural light to show off and beautify such simple objects. Her photo composition is amazing...a peaceful, delicate flower against a bright blue sky, highlighted by the sun...just amazing. I could go on and on about Kristy's photos, but they really speak for themselves...

Tiny Green Apples

2008-11-18T10:18:00.007-06:00

Some of my fondest memories are of cooking with my grandma over the years. I started helping my grandma cook when I was only three years old. We'd wake up bright and early to cook my grandpa breakfast before he went off to work. She'd pull a chair up to the stove and let me cook scrambled eggs in my very own mini cast iron skillet. Eventually she also taught me to bake, making pies and things of that sort. I learned how to peel carrots and apples and potatoes without cutting myself, and cracked and picked many many pecans over the years.

I want Hailey to have these special memories like I do. I may not be as skilled at cooking from scratch as my grandma was, but I can still make pie dough crackers and cookies and apple crisp to name a few. Actually learning the skills isn't necessarily what's important...it's making the memories and having fun cooking with family that really matters.

We've started this tradition slowly, and hopefully will have more time in the coming years. First we made pie dough crackers one week night. She had a blast, but cooking's a messy job...it was clear, Hailey needed an apron. While browsing Etsy one evening I came across Tiny Green Apples. They sell the most adorable personalized aprons, among other things. Hailey adores her apron...it's not just any apron, it's HER apron, because it's got HER name on it...she's sure to let us know :) These aprons are not only adorable, the quality is also amazing. They are heavy duty, yet comfortable. And generously sized too...Hailey will be able to use hers for years and years, but yet it fits her comfortably now. She wore her new apron when we made Halloween cookies and it was MESSY by the time we were done...but her clothes weren't! I just threw the apron in the washer and dryer, and voila! Good as new!

This mom and daughter apron set would be a perfect Christmas gift for a mother with a little girl...

I absolutely LOVE the Christmas tree style of aprons they have right now. How cute are they??

Have a little boy that likes to cook? These aprons aren't just for girls!

Tiny Green Apples sells more than just aprons. They have all sorts of personalized bags to choose from as well.

My personal fav is the cinch sack...

They also have a gift section that includes things like little dolls or these personalized towels which would make such a cute Christmas gift!
If you're in the market for personalized gifts for Christmas this year, definitely head on over and check out Tiny Green Apples today!

Weird Week

2008-11-13T09:56:00.002-06:00

Well I went to see the neurologist Tuesday. I'm glad I didn't cancel the appointment. I go in for an MRI this evening. I have to be sedated because I'm claustrophobic. Totally not looking forward to it at all. I'm also worried because D has to pick Hailey up from daycare and he's not the most reliable person in the world. And he never picks her up or feeds her dinner or puts her to bed or anything. I just can't wait for this day to be over. Thank God tomorrow's Friday!

And the winner is...

2008-11-10T09:40:00.002-06:00

The winner of the NeatNiks Bibs giveaway is...

Christina!! Congrats!

Here are your random numbers:

Timestamp: 2008-11-10 15:40:20 UTC

Movies, Crafting and Etsy, OH MY!

2008-11-08T12:08:00.007-06:00

I'm finally getting some time to post because my adorable little 11 year old nephew, who Hailey absolutely ADORES has come over to play with her while I get some things done. Which includes blogging. Because I have had NO time for it lately!

So last night Hailey and I met my friend and her two girls at the movie theater to see the 2nd Madagascar movie. Hailey loves the first one. When I told her we were going to go see it she put the first one in to watch before we left the house LOL It was a good, funny movie and the girls did great. Hailey sat through the whole movie, eating her popcorn and drinking her lemonaid. She got really into the movie right away, asking me questions about the characters. It was so cute. After it was over everyone had to use the restroom. My friend was asking her youngest, her 3 year old, if she had to go peepee. She yelled "Mommy, stop asking me questions!" like she was SO embarrassed her mom was talking about going pee with all these people around. Then on the way out the person holding the door let it go so it slammed right into Hailey's head. I felt so bad for her! I was really concerned and kept asking her if she was okay. She kept walking away from me and finally replied "Mommy I'm OKAY, LEAVE ME ALONE!" like she was just so embarrassed about the whole situation and really wanted me to drop it. My friend and I looked at each other and I said "This is NOT supposed to be happening yet, they're only 2 and 3 years old...we've already become the embarrassing parents!!!" They grow up so fast! Despite this, it was a lot of fun and we will definitely do it again. I love that S and I, who have known each other since we were born, now have kids together and can do things like this together.

On the craft front, I've added matchbook style notepads to the selection in my shop. They're larger than the ones you normally find...3" x about 5". I keep one in my purse and it really comes in handy for little notes, shopping lists etc.!

I'm also super super excited to report that I'll be taking part in my very first Christmas Bazaar of sorts!! One of my friends makes and sells all sorts of things, hair bows, quilts etc. and we both thought it would be really fun to hold a little mini show at her house (thankfully not at my house!) a few weeks from now. We've already got the flyer made and we're inviting family, friends and friends of friends! I'm hoping it goes well...I'm not sure how much stock I should have to take, I have no idea how I'm going to display my items (any ideas??) and I'm not sure how many people are going to come, but I'm still super excited! (Okay and nervous, I'll admit it.) This means I really need to get cracking and get a bunch of stuff made! I'm going to try out some more traditional gift tags as well as the style I currently carry in my shop. The kind with adhesive on the back that you can just stick to a package instead of the tie on style. Hopefully they turn out like I want them to!

I've started using the money I've made from selling my crafts to buy a few Christmas presents...on Etsy of course :) I'd marked a shop I found in the forums the other day that had a great item for stocking stuffers. Imagine my surprise when I checked her shop this morning and she was having a sale! Awesome!! Kaya Papaya sells (among other items) recycled crayons at a great price. I've always loved crayons and coloring...my Mamaw got me started on that when I was a teeny tiny little girl. The idea of crayons melted down into shapes with different color combos is just so neat! I got this bear for Hailey, along with a couple other shapes/sets...

Hailey is going to LOVE getting these in her stocking this year!

Gotta go get myself dressed and feed the kiddos, and then get started crafting! Hope everyone's having a great weekend!!

Perfect Distraction

2008-11-08T11:47:00.003-06:00

Catherine over at Evolving Mommy tagged me a few days ago...I'm supposed to share 7 random things about myself. I'm such an open book, I've actually found it hard to come up with 7 things that you all don't already know about me. But I think I've finally done it, so here goes...

1. When I get the slightest bit cold, my toes go numb. If I get REALLY cold, my feet go numb. I have no idea why.
2. My absolute favorite color is blue. I'm drawn to it. In stores I gravitate towards anything blue. It's just so calming and peaceful and pleasing to my eyes. I'm very happy to report that my daughter has fallen in my footsteps and loves blue as well :)
3. I love vintage Pyrex. The colors and patterns are just amazing. I don't own any, unfortunately, but I will one of these days!
4. When I have to park downtown (which I'm getting good at these days since my mom works down there now and I love meeting her for lunch...yay for parallel parking!) I generally forget that I need change for the parking meters. Luckily I've never gotten a ticket. On the rare occasion I do have change (I'm really trying to be more prepared) I use what I need in my meter and then as I'm walking to my destination I use the extra nickels or dimes that I have for other people's meters that have run out of time. Apparently this is illegal, (why???) but it makes me feel good so I do it anyway.
5. I can sew. As in, really sew. I've been sewing since I was teeny. My grandma used to have me help her cut fabric for quilts when I was 3 and 4 years old, and then I moved on to sewing by hand and then by machine when I was about 7 or 8. I would absolutely LOVE to have a nice sewing machine. And time. Oh the things I could make...
6. If I was rich I would totally have a personal chef. They do their own dishes too, right??
7. My favorite number is 7. Always has been. It's like the color blue. Looking at it just makes me happy. :)

Instead of tagging people like I normally do, I'm just going to pull one of those "If you wanna do it, do it, and leave me a comment telling me you did so I can check your answers" dealies. ;)

Etsy Featured Artist - Caramel Jubilee

2008-11-05T20:04:00.007-06:00

It's no secret that I LOVE sweets. My love for all things chocolate and sugary really escalated when I became pregnant, and it didn't go away after Hailey was born! Something I don't think I've ever mentioned though is my love of caramel. Ever since I was a little girl I have loved the smooth, ooey gooey sweetness of all things caramel.

Because of this, when I was given the chance to feature an Etsy shop that makes...you guessed it...homemade caramels, I jumped at the chance. I have heard SO many good things about Caramel Jubilee, I don't have to personally try her products to know they're wonderful!

A few questions I had for Rachelle (the owner of the shop):

~How did you start making caramels? How long have you been making them?

I've been cooking since I was very young, but just recently became interested in caramel making. Last spring, I was looking for a recipe that would be a bit of a challenge for me and came across a caramel one that seemed to suit the bill. After trying many different recipes from a variety of sources, I invented my own that is definitely scrumptious. I received such positive reviews of it from family and friends that I decided to try selling them online and have quickly grown from there.

~How do you come up with your flavors?

I choose flavors that intrigue me and that I enjoy. I'm always on the lookout for new ones and am constantly experimenting. I came up with all of the flavors on my own, excepting pumpkin pie which was suggested by a loyal customer. I only do ones that can be made using real flavorings. I refuse to use any artifical flavoring--these have real pumpkin, pomegranate, spices, etc.

Don't these pictures just make your mouth water? I would absolutely LOVE to try the pomegranate caramels!

A bag of these would be the perfect gift for someone special...or to treat yourself, because you know you're worth it! Another incentive to try these caramels? Until November 15, Rachelle is offering all my loyal readers 20% off their order! All you have to do is mention the name of my blog in the "Notes to seller" portion of the checkout process!

YUM!

Whew!

2008-11-02T19:18:00.004-06:00

What a weekend! Is it seriously almost over?? I am so not ready to go back to work tomorrow! (Mental note: WASH KHAKIS)

Hailey had an okay Halloween. She had a great time dressing up as Uniqua from Backyardigans at the sitter's. She even had her first pinata experience, whacking a big ol pumpkin! When I picked her up she wasn't Hailey anymore...she informed me her name was Uniqua LOL.

She really wanted to just stay home and watch Little Mermaid and Backyardigans but I convinced her to get into her kitty cat costume.

She did great all through dinner at McDonald's but it was all over when we got home and a giant ice cream cone trick or treated us (Ok it was a frozen custard cone...one of those mascot suits...from Culver's...this thing was HUGE). She trick or treated me, but she refused to go to any other houses. She didn't even want to go to my dad's (although we did, and she begged to go to Memaw's house the whole time, OOPS). We spent the rest of the night at my in-laws, talking and playing. I figured Hailey didn't need all that candy anyway...we'll try again next year. :)

Today we went to a craft fair where my mom got me a couple cute holiday things to decorate with.

Lots of cute stuff coming up in the SHOP!

And now, I've run out of things to say. I'm going to go eat some rasberry sherbet!

NeatNiks Bibs - Review and Giveaway!

2008-11-02T18:25:00.007-06:00

Hailey and I are alike in many ways. One of the ways we are alike...we both love eating, and as hard as we might try, we are messy eaters. I'm always on the lookout for good bibs for Hailey and I hadn't found one yet that would completely protect her yet be easy for me to care for. I've tried the plastic bibs with the pocket...not only does the pocket not really catch much food, but they're also not machine washable. This is not convenient in our household and has resulted in quite a few ruined bibs. I've also tried the "towel" style bibs from big name stores and haven't had much luck. Yes they are machine washable, which is a must, but they aren't very big...they don't cover much and the neck holes can be quite small which makes them hard to get over Hailey's rather large head! They also start to fall apart after so many washings! I finally resorted to making Hailey eat shirtless or in nothing but a diaper. Now that it's getting cold, this just isn't an option. Thank goodness I happened upon NeatNiks Bibs.

NeatNiks Bibs carries the BEST bibs I have ever come across. They are made from incredibly soft, thick towels. No thin cheap towels for these bibs, like the ones from the BN store! These are made to last! The neck hole on these bibs is perfect...it's made just like a T-shirt and makes the bibs so easy to get on and off. They fit over Hailey's head with no problems at all! Hailey LOVED it...no struggling or fussing!

The bibs come in two sizes. A small fits from birth to about 18 months. A large fits from 12 months up. We were sent a large sized bib for Hailey to try out and were VERY impressed. The bib fit over Hailey's head, and it covered her WHOLE body! I didn't have to take her clothes off...it even went down onto her legs! She'll be able to wear this bib for years. I joked that I should get one for myself!! :)

All of their bibs have an adorable saying and picture embroidered on them. We were lucky enough to receive the "Gobble til you Wobble" bib, which is absolutely PERFECT for our family! We got such a kick out of it!

If you're looking for a high-quality bib that will last your children for years to come, you have to check out NeatNiks Bibs!

Want to try a NeatNiks Bib?? They're giving away a small bib (your choice) to one of my lucky readers!! All you have to do to have a chance to win is:

1. Visit NeatNiks Bibs, take a look around, come back here and leave me a comment telling me what your favorite bib is from their shop!

2. Want an extra entry? Blog about this giveaway! Be sure to post the link to both NeatNiks Bibs and this post. Then leave me a second comment with the link to your post!

3. If you make a purchase from NeatNiks Bibs leave me a 3rd comment with your Etsy username and the product you purchased...I'll give you 3 extra entries into the contest!

The contest will end November 9th. Don't forget to put your email address in your comment if you don't have your email posted on your blog! If you win you will have 3 days to reply after I contact you. If I don't get a reply in that time frame I will be forced to choose a new winner.

Good luck everybody!!

Mimas

2008-11-02T17:20:00.010-06:00

As a little girl one of my absolute favorite things to do was play "babies." I loved being a little mom to all my baby dolls and would spend hours dressing, feeding and cuddling them. Luckily Hailey has fallen in my footsteps with her love of all things baby related. While searching Etsy for toys of this nature I happened upon Mimas, and I knew instantly I'd found something special.

Karen has been doing her craft for over 25 years now. Three years ago when her little granddaughter was two years old she wanted something to carry her baby doll in. They worked together until they got everything just right. The result is the cutest little doll bed/carrier I have ever seen!

It's like a little soft comfy moses basket, just the right size for a little girl to carry her baby dolls around in. We were lucky enough to receive one of these adorable little doll carriers and Hailey absolutely LOVES it. It comes with a little matching pillow and blanket as well and Hailey loves putting one of her stuffed animals to bed in her carrier every night. (She's on a stuffed animal kick right now, they are her babies).

These carriers are so well made, I know Hailey will get many many years of enjoyment from it, along with any kids we have in the future, and our kids' kids even!

Another Mimas product is this adorable little doll set that comes with a little diaper bag, bib, burp cloth and a little doll cloth diaper! This set would be such a cute Christmas or birthday gift!

Mimas is a big supporter of cloth diapering. I seriously contemplated switching to cloth when Hailey was a little older but couldn't justify the startup cost when Hailey was only using a handful of diapers a day at that point and was *hopefully* not too far off from potty training. She is now potty trained, thank goodness, but I will definitely try cloth diapers with our next baby! Mimas carries a wide variety of cloth diapers in all different sizes, colors and patterns! You can choose from either a normal cloth diaper that should be used with a cover (which they also sell in all sorts of colors and patterns!) or the incredibly convenient AIO (all-in-one) cloth diaper. They even carry cloth diaper inserts and washable baby wipes!

From the Mimas website:

"These homecrafted fitted cloth diapers/nappies are made of 100% all NEW cotton fleece or super flannel. My fitted cloth diapers are highly absorbant with a total of 9 layers, 2 - 100% cotton/fleece outer shell (very soft on the little ones bum), 1- 100% inner liner with a 6 layer soaker pad made of 100% cotton & terrycloth to absorb liquid and wick away from babies so they keep dry and comfortable, each soaker pad is sown to the inner liner with quilt stitching to prevent wading and bunching of the soaker pad, your cloth diapers will last wash after wash, each diaper/nappy has 1/4" elastic stitched to back and legs, this helps to fit to baby and protect against leakage. All diapers/nappies come with washing and drying instructions. All diapers/nappies have hook and loop fastners,no more pins or poking of babies during changing, we also rounded the edges of the hook and loop for additional comfort and safety."

If you're in the market for cloth diapers, inserts, washable wipes or an adorable Christmas gift for the little one in your life, you have to visit Mimas. With amazing quality and unbelievable prices, you won't be disappointed!

Ipples

2008-10-30T11:02:00.002-05:00

Remember the pictures I posted below in THIS post??

Turns out they aren't zits...

Convo between Hailey and my mom last night:

Mom: "Hailey why do the people have zits all over their faces?"

Hailey: "They not zits! They ipples!"

Mom: "You mean pimples??"

Hailey: "NO! IPPLES! LIKE THESE!" (as she pulls up her shirt and points to her nipples...)

SIGH

Just when I thought she had this "face" drawing thing down...

My Indulgence

2008-10-29T00:01:00.002-05:00

13 Tag Designs!

2008-10-28T21:54:00.005-05:00

Hailey Faces

2008-10-28T21:46:00.003-05:00

My little girl draws faces now and it is just TOO cute. She does them complete with eyebrows and hair...and for some reason, zits?? Or something...polka dots for some reason LOL

Shop News

2008-10-28T13:46:00.004-05:00

I'm working on some stuff that I am SUPER excited about...

First off, I got an order for 30 assorted Christmas tags and I am having so much fun coming up with ideas! I went to Hobby Lobby at lunch today and got some more supplies...I'll post pics when I'm done tonight!!

I've also got some ideas for some more of the 3x3 mini cards for Christmas/winter that involves stamping in silver ink! Too fun! I'm also FINALLY going to add some punches to the shop as I got a set of Christmas punches today finally! The set included a snowman, Christmas tree, ornament and a snowflake!

Now a question for all of you! What colors are you going to be looking for in a Christmas card this year? What color combos do you find pretty? Thanks!!

I'm hoping and praying that this shop really takes off. Besides the obvious need for extra money, whenever something buys something I've made it gives me a huge boost of confidence. I feel important knowing I can do something extra to bring in money!

And the winner is...

2008-10-28T07:53:00.002-05:00

The winner of the Excess Baggage children's apron is....Seeryus Mama! Congratulations!

This is too cool!

2008-10-27T20:26:00.007-05:00

While browing the Etsy forums today I came across a post that asked opinions on a new item they'd posted. After clicking on the link I was taken to a listing that I am SO INCREDIBLY excited about, I just HAD to share.

Everybody knows I've tried my hand at making hair clips for Hailey. I've even made a couple bow boards to hold all her clips and bows. The problem is, when we're out and about sometimes I suddenly need a clip...to hold Hailey's hair out of her eyes when it's windy or out of her face while we eat etc. and I don't have one on hand because if I keep them in my purse, they end up at the bottom ruined. Or sometimes we're out and Hailey decides she doesn't want to wear a clip anymore, so again it ends up at the bottom of my purse to be ruined. I hadn't figured out a solution to this problem until I happened upon that forum post today...when I found this!!

Cutesie Clips

It's like a little portable bow board! Just add your clips, fold it up, snap and go! How cool is that!? It'll work for alligator and french clips too, as well as the snap clips pictured above! This clip holder isn't just for travel either...hang it on a door knob at home, or suction cup it to your bathroom mirror and voila! Instant mini bow board! That way when it's time to leave the house, just fold, snap and go...with all your clips in tow! Fully extended, this clip holder is 21 inches long by 4 inches wide so it's a really nice size! And the price isn't bad at all either! If I had any extra money right now we would definitely be purchasing one of these nifty little things! If you've got a little girl and she wears hair clips (or know a little girl who does and need a gift for her), you have to go check out this clip holder at Cutesie Clips!! And while you're there, check out some of her hair clips...they're just too cute!

Hello Jack Frost

2008-10-27T10:49:00.002-05:00

Well, my furnace is fixed, YAY!!! We have such a nice maintenance man. Not only did he not require me to be home, he also called to ask if 70 degrees was an okay temperature to leave my thermostat on. How sweet is he?? Thank God it's fixed...gonna get COLD tonight! There's a freeze advisory! Better bring in my plants and unhook the hose!

See, this day's looking up already! :)

Monday

2008-10-27T08:53:00.006-05:00

It's definitely a Monday.

Last night as I was lying in bed with Hailey something told me to let her sleep with us. She wasn't asking and she would have gone to sleep in her own bed. But I trust my instincts so she slept with us last night. Which means not a very good night's sleep for D and I...but it's a good thing I did. This morning while I was standing at the bathroom sink washing my face the heat kicked on. There's a vent right in front of the sink that I stand on to keep my feet warm. Not this morning. It was like the air conditioner kicked on. Lovely. No wonder the rest of the house was so cold. Our room was okay since the three of us slept in there but the rest of the house was freezing. Hailey would have been so cold if she'd slept in her own bed. Another plus of renting...one simple call to the friendly maintenance guy and they're going to have a repair guy go and take a look. And fix it with no cost to me. Because I don't own the place...YAY!

She's still coughing bad from her cold, to the point where it's gagging her. I feel so bad for her. My husband's got it too, so of course he's convinced he's got strep and just SO sick...although that didn't stop him from hunting and playing golf Saturday...SIGH

Then I realized as I go out to get the car started warming up that I forgot to get gas yesterday. And the gas light was on. And my car was about to die. So I hurried Hailey out the door and had to go get gas. That's when I noticed the highway that I take to get to work was down to one lane and moving extremely slow.

My mom called me on her way to work this morning and informed me that the bag of bread I bought her at Walmart yesterday (along with the two loaves I bought for us) had a gnat in the bag. GROSS. And this was good Sara Lee bread too! I got all three loaves from the same batch (same sell by date) so now I'm paranoid about the loaves I bought for us. Makes me not want to eat the pb&j I made for lunch today! What would you do if you were in my situation??? Would you take your two loaves of bread back too? My mom's taking hers back. She saved the gnat in a baggy LOL but would you eat yours? It's not like I checked my bag for gnats. One thing's for sure...I'm not buying Sara Lee bread anymore.

Hailey's supposed to get her flu shot this evening. The dr. said they'll still give it to her with her cold if I'm comfortable with it. Why would I not be? She wouldn't give me an answer to that. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, I mean she's my first kid...that's why I asked the dr. (well ok, the nurse...) and I was sort of expecting a better answer/explanation. So do I reschedule the shot and have to wait another few weeks for her to get it??? I'm not sure what to do!

MIA

2008-10-22T15:24:00.007-05:00

I've been MIA lately, I know. I've been so insanely busy. Work is CA-RAZY, no joke. Piles of work EVERYWHERE. I'm drowning in invoices, with no end in sight. And the piles just keep getting bigger. SCARY stuff.

The baby shower last weekend went amazingly well! My sister in law's work buddies were so sweet to me and my sister in law had a great time! Here's a picture of the table...Ain't it purdy?? Anywho...more good news...Hailey's potty trained! YAY!! It is so awesome to not have to worry about changing diapers anymore. And it's all thanks to M&M's! Which she doesn't ask for anymore by the way. I'd read somewhere that a lady used one bag of M&M's to potty train her little girl, and I have to say it worked PERFECTLY for Hailey. One bag is all it took! (Actually she has some brown ones left over...apparently they don't taste as good as the colored ones, because they're Boring Brown.)

Some not so great news...I recently found out my husband failed to inform me that he is only part time at school this year. HELLO, would have been wonderful to know that BEFORE I got the bills from my buddies Mohela and Sally Mae wanting their money starting December. That's over $200 a month we just don't have right now. I mean he's not working! He's still in school! And too lazy to spend his spare time working! So I'm totally freaking out about what to do. This really pushed me to start my Etsy shop, which people have been encouraging me like crazy to do anyway. I figured if I'm going to have a hobby and do something I love, I should try to make some money doing it. Since my health problems prevent me from working a second job, and I'm doing these crafts to make myself happy (um, and keep myself from going completely batty) I might as well do what makes me happy AND make money, right?? Well, let's hope. I'm trying my darndest. I *hopefully* have a custom order in the works. I'm going to work on that tonight. I'll be adding more and more each day...I've got some cute Christmas/Wintery tags in the works!! Any special requests, just let me know! I'm working on getting my photos to come out ok...they either seem to turn out too dark or w/ the color off. Unfortunately, my camera is not the best at taking pictures of things like this. So oh yea, I guess I should post the banner to my shop...

TA DA...
Oh yea, and I guess I should detail what I'm selling...tags, punches, confetti, cards, that sort of thing. I have a LOT to list in the upcoming weeks!

Another thing going on that has prevented me from getting much done this week. Darned dr. appointments. Monday I had to go across town to get blood drawn. (ew) Yesterday was my last appointment (completely POINTLESS taking my money for NOTHING appointment) with the rheumatologist. Today I met with my GP to talk about the results of my sleep study (apparently I'm a totally crappy sleeper, go figure) and what to do about it. 2 hours, 2 prescriptions and a million new worries later, I drove back across town and hit up the local craft store to buy myself a snowflake punch. You know, to make me feel better. Some people use alcohol, some use chocolate...I use crafts. LOL I know, I'm a nerd. So the meds they put me on...one for my reflux, not a big deal except that's another 10$ a month. The other is a medicine for Parkinsen's. Yea...not excited about taking that one. It's supposed to help with the RLS (because apparently in the 6.5 hrs. I slept that night at the hospital, my legs moved over 270 times...and apparently, that's a lot...) but it can also cause fatigue. So I'm going to cure my fatigue, and in return, probably get more fatigue. Uh huh. And how is that supposed to be an effective solution?? They've also referred (or forwarded, which is the term that seems more appropriate in this situation) me to a neurologist to rule out narcolepsy and a couple other sleep issues that I don't remember the name to. Good Lord I don't have narcolepsy! And they want me to do another sleep study, this time a night and the whole next day. Do they not understand these things cost money? And time off work that I can't afford to take?

What I NEED is for my husband to buck up and grow some balls and be a real man and take care of his wife and kid. Is there a pill out there for that? I won't even ask for the generic, I promise...

Reid's Reserves

2008-10-22T14:25:00.007-05:00

Anyone that knows me knows of my obsession for hair bows. I am constantly on the lookout for new hair bows for Hailey's collection. Gotta fill up that bow board, right?! :) I've tried my hand at making quite a few, and while I don't do too bad I just can't match up to the talent of some.

Sandy is one of the people that has far superior bow-making abilities than I. She is the proud owner of a lovely Etsy shop called Reid's Reserves in which she sells the cutest little hair bows and clips!

(I love this set!!)

Sandy sells adorable matching sets that can be mixed and matched. Her clips have a non-slip lining to they'll stay in that super-fine hair that little girls have. It's just enough to do the job without adding any bulk to the clip! The hair bows that Sandy makes are attached to little butterfly clips. This makes them so easy to clip over pig tails! I attached Hailey's just above the base of her pig tails, directly to the hair on her head, and they stayed put all day. Even while she was running all over the house playing! We got lots of comments on how adorable the bows are. Everybody wanted to know if I made them (unfortunately not...) and where I got them.

Hair bows and clips are such an easy way to dress up a little girl and give that final touch to an outfit. And with the cost being so low, you can afford to have some to match each special outfit! Low cost does NOT mean low quality...I know these bows will last Hailey a long time!

Looking for Christmas themed bows? Sandy will be posting a lot of those soon! But don't wait til then, check out Reid's Reserves today! Her bows and clips are just too cute to pass up!

I feel so honored!

2008-10-22T14:16:00.002-05:00

Wendy over at WeSnLaNi passed along this Brilliante Blog award to me. How sweet is she?!?!

Here are the rules:

1. Place the logo on your blog.
2. Link to the person who awarded you.
3. You can nominate up to 5 blogs.
4. You can then add their links to your blog.
5. Leave a message in the comment section to each nominee on their blog.

So, I have to pass this on...this is always the hard part because I love all the blogs I read! If I didn't, I would read them! :)

1. Owl Haven
2. Joanna
3. Kristin
4. Jenni
5. Christina

Excess Baggage -- Review and Giveaway!

2008-10-19T19:05:00.013-05:00

I am SO super excited about my latest Etsy find!! While browsing for Christmas gift ideas for Hailey I came across Excess Baggage. Excess Baggage, Inc. is a family owned company. Barb is a stay-at-home-mom of four who began sewing in Junior High School! Her family runs two sites, Excess Baggage (where you can find show schedules and more info on local shows they're involved in, as well as order their lovely products!) and Excess Baggage on Etsy. They design and create their products right in their home using high quality materials. Some of the products they carry are: fabric bags/purses, child's aprons, and baby accessories. Their bags are lightweight yet sturdy enough to stand on their own and can stand up to the wear and tear of daily use. These attributes are absolutely necessary in any purse I own. I want it to look cute and feel lightweight, but at the same time I'm on the go so much I need the purse that will hold up well and withstand all the work I put it through! Hailey was lucky enough to get to try out one of their small child's aprons. She's such a girly girl and loved it right away! She demanded I put it on and insisted on wearing it the rest of the night. They are very well made. Their craftsmanship is amazing...you couldn't buy something this well made at a Big Name store. They show great attention to detail...everything looks very professional. I really love the little "Excess Baggage" tag they attach...while it seems like such a small detail, it really puts the finishing touch on their products! Hailey was also sent a matching Addy Bag. They're just the right size for a little girl! Hailey started in right away putting all her new hair bows in the bag to carry around. I also found that while the apron and bag aren't in use, the apron folds up and fits inside the bag perfectly! Hailey has already received many wonderful comments on her adorable apron and matching bag. Everybody wants to know where she got it.

See something you like on their shop but want something a little different? Have your own ideas of how you want something to look? Excess Baggage welcomes custom orders!

Think Hailey's apron is just too cute? Excess Baggage would like to give one lucky reader a Child's Apron from their Etsy shop! All you have to do to enter is:

1. Visit Excess Baggage, take a look around the shop and come back here and leave a comment on this post with your favorite item from their shop!

2. To get a second entry, blog about this giveaway on your blog...in the post you MUST link back to this post AND Excess Baggage and then leave a SECOND comment on this post telling me you did so.

If you don't have a blog or don't have your email address listed on your blog, please leave your email address in your comment. If I can't get in touch with the winner I'll be forced to choose a new one.

The contest will end October 27th. After the winner is contacted they will have 3 days to respond. If they don't respond in that time frame I'll have to pick a new winnter.

Good luck everyone!

And the winner is...

2008-10-18T22:05:00.003-05:00

The winner of my very first giveaway for the handmade bow board is...

Here are your random numbers:4
Timestamp: 2008-10-19 02:58:25 UTC

Seeryus Mama!! Congrats!!

If I haven't heard from the winner by the end of Tuesday I'll pick a new winner.

Betty Lou Handmade Arts and Crafts

2008-10-17T12:55:00.003-05:00

While searching Etsy for scrabble tile pendants I came across Betty Lou Handmade Arts and Crafts. A lot of the scrabble tile pendant shops carry a lot of the same images on their tiles...that's one of the things I love about Betty Lou--she carries designs I haven't seen anywhere else! I fell in love with her Amish Quilt tile. Have I ever mentioned how much I LOVE quilts?? Who knew I'd find a scrabble tile quilt!! I had to have it. Quilts are comforting to me...they remind me of my Grandma and that comfort I got from spending time with her...cooking, quilting, and snuggling in the recliner.Betty Lou carries many interesting designs including scrabble tile pendants with movie images such as Alice in Wonderland, Nightmare Before Christmas, Wizard of Oz...even Mickey! Feel the need to announce on a pendant which political party you're offiliated with? She's got those too!

Pregnant? She's got tiles for that too!

Head on over to Betty Lou Handmade Arts and Crafts and check it out!

Lisa's Shop

2008-10-17T10:31:00.007-05:00

Love the look of handmade tags, envelopes, embellishments etc. but don't have the time (or don't want to put forth the effort) to make them yourself? Need supplies such as buttons, gift boxes, paper or baggies? Then check out Lisa's Shop...she has all of the above, and more! She even does shipping labels!

I personally love the mini cards and mini envelopes Lisa makes. They would be super cute attached to a gift or used as a little thank you note!I also love the larger envelopes she makes! They give a personal touch to every piece of mail you send. Who wouldn't like to receive a letter that came in one of these pretty envelopes! They would also be great for mailing smaller gifts to family and friends without the bother of wrapping! Imagine opening your mailbox and seeing one of these pretties in the middle of that stack of bland junk mail and bills. How fun and exciting!
If you're looking for these sorts of supplies, or you just need a fun shop to browse, check out Lisa's Shop today!

2008-10-16T13:34:00.003-05:00

Two things that, while necessary, I feel are a HUGE pain in my ass and I hate doing:

Going to the bathroom. I hate the whole getting up out of your chair, having to take off your pants, GOING, having to wipe, pulling your pants back up, washing your hands...God what a chore.

Taking a shower. I hate getting wet unless it's like 105 degrees outside and I MUST get in the water to cool off. I hate having to get naked...I don't wanna see that! And I freeze. Then there's the whole getting in the water...I hate going from dry to wet like that. BLEGH. It's such a pain to wash your whole body, which is why I rarely make it to shaving my legs. I shave my toes and let it be. Who cares that I look like a monkey from my waist to my ankles right? By the time I'm done I'm like "THANK GOD that's over!" Then I have to dry off and wipe off the damn mascara that's smeared under my eyes even though I JUST washed my face, put moisturizer on my face, QTip my ears, put on lotion, brush my rats nest tangled mess head of hair and find clean clothes to put on. Good Lord talk about exhausting.

I do however LOVE brushing my teeth.

And I LOVE feeling clean. So going to all that trouble, as exhausting and annoying as it all is, is totally worth it...

2008-10-15T16:01:00.002-05:00

I think it's time to recall this old post...just because the hat makes me smile.

Harsh Reality

2008-10-15T13:32:00.006-05:00

I've been on edge this week.

The lady that used to do my job retired. I took her place. Every now and then she comes back to help us out. No big deal. She sits at the front desk answering phones, doing basically...well, my old job, actually. I'm totally fine with that.

But this time has been different. This time they stuck her in the empty area at the other end of my office. The area they use for storage. So she's sitting over there, listening to everything I do. Every phone call I make. Every swish of an invoice, every typed word. And every time she leaves her "area" I can feel her eyes prying into me, watching my every move. Judging me because right now I'm OBVIOUSLY not entering an invoice. Judging me because I can't do the job NEARLY as well as she did in the 12 years she held this position. JUDGING.

I'm not going overboard here. Believe me.

So yea, I've been on edge...I mean it would be hard NOT to be in this situation. I don't want to have to explain to her. I shouldn't HAVE to explain to her...the fact that I can't do as well as she did because my body is failing me while she's the epitome of health at retirement age.

I already feel like crap as it is, with piles of work sitting around me. Knowing that there's no way I can get it all done. Because I'm sitting here with sharp stabbing needle like pains shooting down my arms and through my knees...with throbbing hips and aching fingers. And so drowsy I could drop off to sleep in a second if I were able to lay down. I'm trying. But it's not enough. And it's stressing me out. I can handle my personal life. I can't handle the immense workload of my job. While I'm here I feel like I'm barely staying afloat, with my head just bobbing above water. When 4:30 comes it's like someone's pulled me to safety. No matter what I have to do that night, what errands I have to run, what tasks I have to complete at home, it's ok...I can handle that. Because I can go at my own pace. Make my own schedule. Spend time with my little cutie patootie and just be me. No stares, no looks of judgement, no whispering...no never-ending piles of work. Dishes didn't get done tonight because I spent time doing crafts?? NO BIG DEAL! Taking two hours to make my sister in law's baby shower invites instead of just one? Who cares!

I know I'm not able to go fast enough at my job or work non-stop all day with no rest, so I fall behind. I know this. I don't need super AP clerk from the past coming back to judge my every move, reminding me every day what I already know in my heart. That I'm not cut out for this job. Not anymore.

So crafty

2008-10-14T20:00:00.004-05:00

I posted before about the invitations I made for my sister in law's baby shower I'm throwing this weekend...

Tonight I made confetti to decorate the table! She's doing the baby's room in pink, purple and green so I bought a purple table cloth and will decorate the table with this confetti made of green swirls and two shades of pink teddy bears!

I'm seriously comtemplating opening an Etsy shop selling these sorts of products. Confetti, punches, tags, cards etc. I'm having a horrible time coming up with a name! Any suggestions??

Knit Knots by Stephanie

2008-10-13T15:03:00.005-05:00

Stephanie had been selling her hand knitted items on Ebay for 2 years when she decided last month to open Knit Knots by Stephanie and start selling on Etsy! She hand knits hats, mittens and baby snuggle bags. I came across her shop while browsing Etsy and fell in love with her hats! One in particular I just had to have. It looked so sparkly and soft and I loved the white poof ball on top! I knew Hailey would love it!Stephanie welcomes custom orders...need an item you see in a different size? No problem! I had to get Hailey's hat in a bigger size as Hailey has quite a big head and I wanted to make sure it would fit her all winter. Stephanie was more than happy to help me out! She was so incredibly helpful and SO nice throughout the whole process! The hat was done amazingly fast and she even emailed me a picture which I thought was too cool! Talk about excellent customer service! The hat arrived in only a couple days and it's even cuter in person! And talk about SOFT! The hat is very well made...excellent craftsmanship. It's hard to see in the picture but the yarn is shimmery/sparkly. We absolutely love it. Hailey had to put it on right away!I cannot stress enough how pleased I am with this purchase. Excellent quality, excellent price, top notch customer service...if you're looking for a winter hat (or mittens etc.) for your kiddo, I highly suggest you check out Stephanie's shop, Knit Knots by Stephanie. You won't be disappointed!

Pumpkin Fest 2008!

2008-10-11T22:19:00.007-05:00

Thank God the weather cooperated and we were able to attend Hailey's 3rd Pumpkin Festival today! She had such a good time, even though she was a little tired. I couldn't get a smile out of her for ANYTHING when it came to pictures. She was happy though, I promise! She even told me, "Mommy I'm happy!" :)

So, without further ado, Pumpkin Fest 2008!

See her jack-o-latern scrabble tile necklace? Yep, that's from Home Studio! She loves it!

Like the hair clip?? I made it myself! :)

Hailey insisted on trying out every single one of these chairs...

And more big news on the potty training front! Hailey really wanted to wear underpants to the festival today but I talked her into wearing an Easy Up by explaining to her about the lines that sometimes form for the porta potties and how she didn't want to have to change her clothes there if she had an accident. I also promised her she could put underpants on when she got home. I'm proud to say her Easy Up was dry when we got home over 4 hours later and she even peed in a porta potty!! (Luckily it actually smelled nice in there and she exclaimed "Mommy I like this potty!") She has continued to poop in the potty every day and LOVES wearing her "underpants" (what she calls her panties). Yay Hailey!

I'm so confident that we're done with diapers that I even used one today to insulate a leaky container that we carried her juice in! You better bet I got some odd looks when I was securing the diaper around it after we ate lunch...but hey, whatever works, right?? It kept it cold and kept the leaks out of our bag!

What do you think?

2008-10-10T22:38:00.003-05:00

While shopping with my mother in law last night I found a scarf that I fell in love with. I'm a winter scarf type of girl, but not an accessory scarf type of girl...but I had to have it. I rarely spend money on myself at all, let alone for something like a scarf accessory I had no idea how to even USE. But, I loved it. So I bought it. And really, I played with it so much in the store, it had my cooties all over it anyway...so really, I HAD to buy it. I mean it would have been rude not to, right? That's my excuse anyway.

So this is Option 1 for use of the scarf...what do you think? Have any other ideas/suggestions??

Just a little favor...

2008-10-10T14:25:00.005-05:00

I have single-handedly cleared the candy bowl at work of all pink Starbursts. They are so incredibly good.

So I just wanna know one thing. Something I've wondered since I was a little girl. WHY do they not sell these in bags by themselves? As in, let me buy a bag of nothing but strawberry Starbursts. Or one of those little logs, if they prefer...you know, how they sell the regular assorted flavors. It's not that I don't LIKE the other flavors, I just don't LOVE them like I love the yummy pink ones.

That's one of those things that I always dreamed my husband would do for me. I know I'm weird. But I always dreamed of getting a big bag of strawberry Starbursts from my loving husband who hand picked them out of a huge bag of assorted flavors...you know, for like an anniversary gift or something. Or a birthday gift. To me, thoughtfulness like that shows love. The husband I chose, however, probably doesn't even remember that I like Starbursts, let alone realize how obsessed I am with the pink ones. And even if he did, he wouldn't go to all that trouble. Because unfortunately, he's just not that type of guy.

So, since my husband lacks any sort of thoughtfullness whatsoever, I'm begging and pleading with the makers of Starburst...will you PLEASE, FINALLY, after ALL these years, sell bags of pink Starbursts?? Pretty please?? I'm asking nicely!!

2008-10-10T11:03:00.004-05:00

Sometimes when Hailey's acting silly I tell her she's crazy. She loves it. Last night she got to go to my mom's while I shopped with my MIL (we had so much fun!). She was peeing on the potty (HELLO, she's doing awesome! She's in UNDERPANTS at the sitter's today!!) and acting really silly. My mom told her "Hailey, you're crazy!" Hailey said "I'm not crazy, I'm just happy!" :)

Live Through This

2008-10-09T14:50:00.004-05:00

D came home last night talking again about this newest job he's been offered after the start of next year. I finally had the nerve (I've been trying to show restraint and just not lash out at him all the time anymore) to mention to him that something like that wouldn't provide any benefits. He tried to say with the amount of money he'd be making it wouldn't matter. "I'd be making at least $50,000 a year!" I kept my cool and reminded him of our goal that we'd mutually decided on in the recent weeks. For him to get a decent job so I can quit working and we can eventually have another baby. We finally had to be honest with ourselves and admit that my stupid body isn't going to hold out much longer with the schedule we have now. I just can't do everything. As much as I want to be Martha Stewart, I just CAN'T. I cleaned and organized the garage this past Saturday and then went shopping with my sister in law Tuesday evening and I'm STILL paying for BOTH activities. I'm exhausted all the time, I hurt 80% of the time and I've started having random leg pains, especially in my knees. I could be doing something like taking a shower or walking to my car after work and BOOM I feel like I'm going to fall down from the stabbing pains in my knees. D had to carry me to bed one night because I just COULDN'T on my own. I feel crippled, or ancient or something, it's ridiculous. And D finally realizes it's not a joke, I'm not lazy or craving attention. My body sucks, plain and simple. I inherited lots of bad crap from both sides of the family. (Let's hope and pray to God that I don't inherit anything HORRIBLE like cancer...) So we finally made the decision, with D agreeing, that after he gets a job it would be best for me to quit working. And now he's coming home with all these grand plans for these jobs that have him traveling all the time, without a steady "every 2 weeks" paycheck sort of deal, without benefits, without guaranteed pay at all. I realize he wants to be happy and have a fun job he enjoys, but WHAT ABOUT ME? It's the same ol' deal. It's not like I'm just saying "Oh I hate working, it just sucks and I'd rather not do it..." I physically cannot go on like this much longer, with no sleep, horribly busy days and evenings, never getting a chance to rest, never ending chores because I only have about an hour every night to get anything done...my body just feels like it's going to give out here soon. Finally after trying to reason with him last night about how unrealistic these jobs are for a husband who has a child and wife who isn't in perfect health to support, he broke down and admitted "I know they aren't realistic and that I'm only thinking about the best pay at the jobs I could get, not the worst..." So that was nice to hear. But does he REALLY get it? We had to go through the whole him telling me "Well if you hate your job so much, just quit and find something else"....he doesn't understand it's NOT that easy. I explained to him yet again that I have to keep this job that I hate because I could never find anything else that would pay me this much, especially something that I liked doing, and remember I have to support his ass while he's out having fun all the time! That pretty much shut him up. At least we were able to stay civil and joke around with each other through the whole conversation, and for once he acted like a man instead of a boy and stated that his dreams were unrealistic for our needs.

But I STILL worry about what's going to happen in the upcoming months. He's already talking about having another baby, which I physically and monetarily (is that a word?) cannot do right now. I can't quit working if he doesn't have a job, and I can't physically do it if I have to continue working. I'm worried I'll end up supporting us forever, never getting to enjoy life, always just surviving. I can't do it on my own. I need him to be on the same page.

I'm SICK of just surviving my life. I'm so incredibly ready to live it.

Tees for a Change giveaway!

2008-10-09T11:27:00.005-05:00

Mommie Daze is having a giveaway for a short sleeved tee from Tees for a Change! I absolutely LOVE the message on these T's...my fav's are "Laugh Often" and "Choose Happiness." Those are great reminders for myself that I need to always remember! I also like that they are a "green" company and plant a tree for ever tee sold!

They also carry some really cute organic cotton onesies! My fav. is the "dream big" onesie. Head on over to Mommie Daze and enter to win!

Giveaway!

2008-10-09T09:16:00.002-05:00

Joanna is having a giveaway for something called The Tuffet! It's like a bean bag, only flatter. It looks super comfy! I know Hailey would love one of these!

Head on over and enter to win!

My first giveaway!!!

2008-10-08T08:57:00.005-05:00

I've decided to hold my very first giveaway!

Remember the bow boards my sister in law and I made for our girls??
I'm going to be giving away one of these to one lucky reader! It will be 11 x 14 in., custom made with the colors you request! You will be able to choose the ribbon colors and style of fabric! I may even throw in a few hair clips that I've made as well!

If you'd like to enter all you have to do is leave a comment on this post telling me something you love about this time of year. If you'd like to be entered a second time, blog about this giveaway and leave a second comment with the link to the post! The contest will end on October 17th. Once contacted the winner will have 3 days to respond. If I haven't gotten a response by then I will pick a new winner. If you don't have a blog remember to leave your email address in your comment!

Good luck!!

What a morning

2008-10-08T08:40:00.003-05:00

First off, Hailey slept through the night...I found no little girls standing beside my bed in the middle of the night last night! YAY!

Secondly, I had a great night last night. My sister in law called me about 30 minutes before I was leaving work, wondering what I was doing that evening. I met her at the mall, had dinner and we shopped for my new niece! Have I mentioned how excited I am for her to get here?!?! I think they may just get super annoyed with how obsessed I'm going to be about her! LOL I bought her a couple of really cute outfits at Penneys! I am so jealous at the baby girl stuff they have out these days, SO much cuter than when Hailey was a baby! We totally wore each other out and were both waddling VERY slowly by the time we left. Her because she's carrying a big ol' baby in her belly, me because I'm just, well, crippled. I hurt SO BAD. But it was fun, so it was worth it. I also gave her her baby shower invite, the one I posted pics of in an earlier post, and she LOVED it! I got a HUGE hug for that one. I knew she would appreciate it, but I didn't know just how much. She loved it so much that now she wants us to make the birth announcements as well. So all the effort was worth it. Made me feel pretty darn good to see just how much she liked/appreciated my work.

So, about this morning. It started off with my husband's annoyingly loud alarm going off during what seemed to me to be the middle of the night. Until I looked at the clock and realized it was 6:40, and my alarm hadn't gone off for whatever reason, and I was supposed to be up 40 minutes ago! I jumped up, rushed through getting ready, and something just told me the cat was going to dump her water cup all over the bathroom floor. About a minute later she hops up there and dumps her water all over the bathroom floor. I didn't even have time to clean it up. Thank God for tile floors. (Oh and yea, did you catch that? My cat insists on drinking out of one certain cup which much be on the bathroom countertop. She has another one on my nightstand to prevent her from drinking out of MY cup, which she also loves to do. Hailey already knows which cups are Z's and which ones are safe to drink out of. LOL) Oh and did I mention my dreams all night were about me being at WORK?? So I felt like I never left. Totally crappy when that happens, I hate it! But oh well, I'm looking on the bright side.

Hailey woke up dry and peed in the potty again this morning. I really think we've got this potty training thing down. For the first time this morning as she was walking down the stairs beside me, I thought "Oh my gosh, I really might not have to buy diapers anymore...I really don't have a baby anymore." Exciting, but sad at the same time. As much as I'm ready for another, as much as Hailey's BEYOND ready for a little brother or sister, and even as much as my husband has started talking about "you know if you got pregnant now, she'd be 3 and 1/2 by the time it was born!" I know in my heart now isn't the right time. For one, we couldn't afford the daycare. Two, even if we could, my body just cannot handle it right now. I have to be honest with myself about that. I've gotten much worse than I was when I got pregnant with Hailey. I could barely walk by the time 3/4 of my pregnancy with her was over...I'm scared the next one is going to be way worse. If I can harldy walk carrying my own weight around some days, how am I going to carry an extra 40 lbs around all centered in my belly (ok and my butt, and thighs LOL). ANYWHO...so, looking on the bright side, instead I will just spoil everybody else's babies right now! And try to keep reminding myself that I can give them back when they cry, and get more than 2 straight hours of sleep at night! :)

Because of last night, I had to reschedule my baby shower shopping trip with my mother in law to tomorrow night instead of tonight. I was really looking forward to it, but I really need to stay home and rest tonight. And do laundry. And clean the litter box. :)

BIG NEWS!

2008-10-07T22:57:00.002-05:00

Hailey had another first tonight! She peed in the potty at JC Penney!! It was her first time to pee in the potty in public! She's doing AMAZINGLY well, I am so incredibly proud of her!

She also pooped in the potty again tonight! I am so so thankful this is going so well! I really think this is it, she really seems to be into it this time!

THANK YOU M&M'S!!!!

3 Minute Chocolate Mug Cake

2008-10-07T22:52:00.004-05:00

My mom sent me this recipe today...we're going to try it this weekend! Has anyone ever tried this before?? It sounds really neat!! A great way to make a small little personal-sized cake if you're having a craving, without having a bunch of extra cake left over to tempt you! I'll post with how it turns out!

3 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

1 Coffee Mug
4 tablespoons all purpose flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons baking cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
some nuts (optional)
Small splash of vanilla

Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla, and mix again. Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes on high. The cakewill rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired. EAT!

(This can serve 2 if you want to share!)

And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world? Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night! :)

What a piece of work

2008-10-07T16:22:00.001-05:00

My dr. just called, they got the results of my sleep study in. I don't have any sort of obstruction or sleep apnea, thank God. That C Pap machine was no fun! I do, however, have Restless Leg Syndrome. It runs in my family so I wasn't surprised, but at the same time I don't notice my legs jerking and waking me up so it WAS a surprise. Does that make sense?? Anyway, this latest diagnosis makes me...

An E.L.F. with:

OCD
GAD
IBS
FMS
and now...
RLS

God broke the mold when he made me :)

Things I Love

2008-10-07T14:31:00.002-05:00

~Soft cuddly socks~

~Big comfy sweatshirts~
~Free coffee at work~
~Homemade cookies from my mom~
~Hot tea~
~Snuggle time with Hailey~
~My furry leopard print blanket~
~Finding a new show I like on TV~
~Pink Starbursts~
~Vanilla Lattes from Starbucks~
~A great coupon~
~Fruit crisp~
~Handmedowns~
~A clean kitchen~
~Cool Fall weather~
~Brownies~
~My blue fluffy oversized bathrobe~
~Days off from work when I pretend I'm a SAHM~
~Eating downtown~
~Holidays~
~A good home cooked meal~
~Quilts~
~Fried apples~
~Wheat pennies~
~A soda (or 2) a day~

What are some of your favorite things?

Something to think about...

2008-10-07T13:35:00.001-05:00

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow

For children grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow.

So quieten down, cobwebs,

Dust, go to sleep.

I’m rocking my baby,

Cause babies don’t keep.

**I took this little saying from Susan at Are We There Yet?**

What a difference a year makes!

2008-10-07T13:01:00.003-05:00

2006:

2007:

I'm hoping the weather cooperates this weekend so I can add Pumpkin Fest 2008 to this post! :)

Looking on the bright side...

2008-10-07T09:36:00.002-05:00

We're not using the baby gate on Hailey's bedroom door at night anymore because we're getting serious about potty training. This has resulted in me waking up every night since to a little girl standing at my bedside staring at me. She woke up earlier than usual this morning, at 1:40am, and came into our bedroom. I always have to get up to go get her pillow and turn off her bedside lamp (since at that point to get any sleep at all I have to just put her in bed with us) so I usually stop at the bathroom to pee since I'm up. This time in the middle of the night she followed me in the bathroom and said she had to pee too. And she did! In the middle of the night! I was so super proud of her! First she insisted on getting out of bed while I was putting her to sleep Sunday night to go pee and really did, then she pooped on the potty last night and now she peed on the potty in the middle of the night last night! She woke up dry this morning too and peed in the potty again! I am just so stinking proud of her! Hopefully she'll keep at it and I won't have to buy diapers for much longer! The M&M trick has really worked for Hailey! She gets 2 for pee and 4 for poop. It's working great! I really don't mind getting up in the middle of the night if it means she'll pee in the potty!

If you've got a potty trained kid, what technique worked for you?

Veggietales!

2008-10-07T09:29:00.002-05:00

I discovered Veggietales quite a few years ago before I had even gotten pregnant with Hailey. My friend had her first little boy at that time and he was really into these movies. I went out and bought the VHS of Silly Songs and thought they were so cute! Even my husband liked them which is really saying something! LOL His favorite was "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything"...he actually used to go around singing that song (something he does with songs that get stuck in his head...I find it really annoying because then the song gets stuck in MY head!). So when we saw that they were making a movie of The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything we were so excited! We never did get to take Hailey to see it though unfortunately! MomDot is having a giveaway!! 5 lucky winners will win a copy of this DVD! We would be SO super excited if we won! I know it's a movie the whole family would enjoy!!

She's a hat girl...

2008-10-04T17:38:00.003-05:00

Last weekend we recieved another huge batch of bins full of used clothing from my sister in law's coworker! I found another big garbage bag full of clothes to keep and took the rest to good will so somebody else could put them to good use. Hailey helped me go through this batch and insisted we keep a few items. One being this hat...

(Can you tell her dad dressed her the day this pic was taken??? LOL)

She's such a nut. She was super excited when she found this in the load of clean clothes I'd just taken out of the dryer and insisted on wearing it around the living room.

My friend that always gives me hand me downs every season gave me two Walmart bags full of shoes and clothes for Hailey last Wednesday. We are SO incredibly lucky to have such a great friend who has a daughter just enough older than Hailey so all her handmedowns fit! Hailey now has about 5 pairs of cute Carter's fleece PJ's for this winter and a new coat as well! It's actually the same coat Hailey had last winter from Old Navy but in a gold color instead of torquoise!

Yay for handmedowns!! :)

What was I thinking??

2008-10-02T08:41:00.002-05:00

I must have been delusional when I wrote that post last night. I'm now daydreaming about the good ol' days (mere weeks ago) when my daughter went to bed without a problem and I could crawl into my comfy, soft, warm, inviting bed at a decent hour and have more than a foot of space to sleep on all night. I'm even dreaming about that hard bed and hard pillow at the hospital where I slept for my sleep study...because I had the whole bed to myself!

Hailey just flat out refused to go to sleep last night. She used every trick in the book. She tried the "I'm scared" trick. The night before, she was scared of grasshoppers. Note to self: NO MORE BUGS LIFE MOVIE. Last night, I couldn't help but laugh hysterically when her answer to my question of what was scaring her was this..."Grandma's driving." Seriously? She is too funny. I love it.

I thought she was FINALLY asleep at 12:30am so I began to creep out of her room. Every time I moved she mumbled "Go get Daddy. Where are you going Mom?"(I'm Mom lately, not Mommy...it's cute but it makes me feel like she's growing up too fast...I mean I still call my Dad Daddy!) but I thought she was just talking in her sleep. I knelt on her bedroom floor, hiding so she couldn't see me (how pitiful is that) and when I thought she was asleep again I crept out of the room. She wasn't asleep. "Where are you going Mommy? Where are you going?" I walked into our bedroom where my husband was lying in bed, peacefully, and let him have it. I was off work Monday and he had to get up early for school, so what did I do? Put Hailey to bed Sunday night and let him go to bed at a decent time. He was off with her Tuesday and he's off with her today. Do you suppose he let me go to bed at a decent time by putting her to sleep for me?? Of course not! He still wouldn't go in there last night, even at 12:30 in the morning when I was obviously exhuasted! Finally I gave in and just put her in bed with us. I know I'm just making it worse. I realize that she's going to think every night she can sleep with us. But what am I supposed to do? I do need to sleep at night! Hopefully next week when she goes back to the sitter's I can get her back on schedule.

Thank God I have such an amazingly awesome mother that can sense when I've had a bit of a rough/busy morning and surprises me by delivering Starbucks coffee and lemon poundcake to me at work! YUM! :)

BRRR!!

2008-10-01T22:55:00.002-05:00

I am absolutely LOVING the cooler weather! Not only has it really helped lower our electric bill but there's just something about this time of year and this sort of weather that really lifts my spirits! I love being able to open the windows a bit and let in fresh air! I love wearing cozy, soft clothes like sweatpants, big fuzzy socks and sweatshirts. I'm so excited to pull out my fall clothes this year!

Last night Hailey woke up at 3:00 am again. She's still having bm issues and she's all of a sudden started wanting to sleep with us at night...where the heck did that come from!?!? I used to BEG her to sleep with me when D was out of town and she refused! We always make her start in her bed these days but if she wakes up in the middle of the night I'm too tired to lay in bed with her for another hour or two until she goes back to sleep. With my sleep/fatigue issues I've found that even though I sleep HORRIBLE with her in bed with us, I get more sleep that way than laying awake in her bed for hours trying to get her to go back to sleep. So I've started to just put her in bed with us if she wakes up in the middle of the night. I know it was bad to ever give in, and it's probably my fault that this phase has continued, but sleep is something I have been instructed to work on by my doctors (hence the sleep study) and this is the best way for me to get sleep and give her the comfort she needs.

So, back to the cold weather! Like I said, normally we sleep horribly with her in bed with us. We desperately need a king bed! Last night we left our bedroom window open. It was SO COLD outside! I HAVE to sleep with the ceiling fan on for noise so that combined with the window being open made it extra cold in our room! We all cuddled under the covers and all three of us slept WONDERFULLY! It was amazing, and it was so nice to sleep all cuddled together like that with the cold air in the room and the warmth under all our covers. My husband didn't even know Hailey slept with us, which is really saying something! I know the cold fresh air is what did the trick! I wish that would happen every night Hailey wakes up in the middle of the night! It was such a great night!

Me and Moms Crafts

2008-10-01T22:27:00.004-05:00

I absolutely LOVE this style of hand towel with the crocheted top. It used to be that every year when we went to the annual Pumpkin Festival in a tiny town around here I would buy myself one (or two) of these towels from a local vendor.

Then I discovered Etsy and Me and Moms Crafts! I was so incredibly excited to have discovered this site! Their prices are very reasonable and the quality is great! They come wrapped up very cutely so if you were ordering for a gift you wouldn't even have to wrap it!

I ordered one of these towels to make up half of my sister's going away present. She's really into the phrase "Live Laugh Love" and I found the perfect towel with this phrase on Me and Moms Crafts! She loved it. I've also ordered one each for my mom and mother in law for Christmas! I'll probably be ordering more before Christmas comes as I've gotten many compliments on my new towels! (My sister in law LOVES one of the towels I ordered for myself...I think she was trying to hint at something!)

They also sell other things as well as these hand towels. I ordered a mini doll quilt to give to Hailey for Christmas this year! It's cream and purple colored and SO incredibly cute! I know she's going to love it!

If you love these sorts of products like I do, you HAVE to check out Me and Moms Crafts!

Char Ouellette Sisters Journey Necklace

2008-10-01T21:13:00.009-05:00

When I found out for sure my sister was moving to California to be with her husband when he got back from Iraq, I knew I had to get her a very meaningful going away present. I knew I was going to miss her very badly and I needed something that showed her just how much I care about her. With her history, I wanted her to have something that she could look at and know that no matter how bad it might get, she's never alone. Even if we're thousands of miles apart. I'll always be there for her. I searched and searched and when I came across this necklace I knew it was the perfect gift. It said what I felt and is a physical reminder for her just how much I care about her.

Char Ouellette is so incredibly nice and helpful and her craftsmanship is amazing! This necklace was even prettier in person than it looks in the pictures! It came packaged so nicely in this gift box, I didn't have to do a thing to it to be able to give it as a gift!

When my sister opened the box she loved it right away. I explained the meaning to her and had her read the card and then told her that it was handmade. That really meant a lot to her. I'm so glad I found this necklace...it really made that day extra special.

The card reads:

"~Just as our lives intertwine, so do these sterling silver hoops~

One smooth ring symbolizes those easy, smooth sailing times in our lives that we laughed through together. One roughly hammered ring symbolizes the tough, rough times we cried through together, supporting each other no matter what.

This necklace is for you dear sister to symbolize our journey together."

Thanks again Char!

Just an update!

2008-10-01T16:28:00.002-05:00

Things have been going pretty well lately! Quick update, I'll write more later...

~My sleep study went as well as it could have gone! I was actually able to get to sleep even though I was hooked up to dozens of wires with sensors glued all over my head and body! I looked like a robot! I was so wishing I'd remembered my camera! LOL They think I have restless leg syndrome, but I'll know the full results within a week.

~D has been offered another job, this one closer to home! Of course neither one has been using his degree! They've both been golf-related jobs...which I guess he probably wouldn't have gotten to know these people and made these contacts without his school connections, so at least his schooling has been good for something! This one sounds more exciting and it's something he could start on in the Spring! I'm really hoping it works out!

~I'm finally getting closer to getting my house organized, even though I've been super busy with fun projects like my latest crafts and planning my sister in law's baby shower! I'm loving that I'm making more "me time" lately and getting closer to my sister in law...her finally having a little girl is really bringing us together! I can't wait to have a little baby niece!! I'm going to spoil her rotten!

That's it for now, more later I promise!!

Fun stuff

2008-09-27T23:17:00.004-05:00

I finally got Hailey's bow board done Friday night! I am super excited with how it turned out, and she loves it! I also got started on the invitations for my sister in law's baby shower that I'm throwing her mid-October. I wanted the invites to be extra-special so I decided to make them myself! I've never made cards before and they aren't perfect, but I'm pretty darned happy with how they turned out! I love them!

Not exactly what I had in mind...

2008-09-23T11:06:00.005-05:00

D dropped a bomb on me last night and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. I have mixed feelings I guess.

He called as my sister in law and I were waiting for my mom to pick up Hailey (so we could do our craft night finally)...he told me that the head pro at the country club he's a member at for school basically offered him a job for when he graduates the end of this school year. He's designing and building a new golf course and said D would be the 3rd person in line in charge of it. Basically there would be this guy (the owner), then a president of sorts, and then D. Sounds awesome right? I'm sure it would pay REALLY well. Like we could probably buy a house AND have me be a SAHM and have the baby I've been wanting. Sounds like my dream, right? Amazing...

except...

it's in Kentucky. :(

At wits end

2008-09-22T08:08:00.004-05:00

Hailey's going through another one of her phases. She got sick last Wednesday morning, throwing up all over our bed (and my husband's head, ew) at 4:00 in the morning. She's been having tummy issues for a couple weeks now, alternating constipation with diarrhea, and her tummy hurts every single time she eats. I'm hoping that all this going on at once is the cause of this latest phase and that it will pass soon. She won't let me change her diaper. Saturday night she had a BIG poop and refused to let me change her diaper. It took the poop starting to leak out of her diaper and down her leg for her to let me change it! Bathtime and bedtime are also huge struggles all of a sudden. She used to not mind baths but now she cries and cries. Bedtime is especially hard...she thinks of every excuse she can to not go to sleep. The girl has developed dark circles this week, and she's only 2! I just don't know what to do. And potty training? Forget it! She pees all day at the sitter's in the potty but not at home anymore, and she never poops in the potty. I don't know what the deal is. And she still has her Soothie pacifiers! She's so attached to them, they're her comfort object. I'm so used to it, it doesn't bother me to see her walking around with one...but I know other people probably look at her and think "Oh my, isn't she too old for that?!" on the rare occassion that I let her take it out in public. I know when it's worth the fight and when to give up. My mom tried to get her to leave it in the car yesterday while we went in the hardware store. She started a fit so I said just leave it. It wasn't worth the effort. Then we went in the pet store to buy fish for her new 5 gallon fish tank. I told her she had to leave it in the car because if she dropped it on the floor it would get animal poop on it. She promptly popped it out of her mouth and threw it in her car seat. Didn't want animal poop on her dear pacifier! SIGH

Is this just part of being 2?? What am I supposed to do? I'm tough but she just doesn't listen. She's way too stinking old for her britches. She's 2.5 going on 15. I talk to her sweetly, teach her to be polite, teach her to control her emotions, but she still back talks and sasses sometimes. She can be so incredibly sweet and cute but other times WHOA watch out! I'm getting really scared for her teen years!!! And honestly, I'm really starting to hope I have a little boy next!

It's a good thing she's so stinking cute, or I think I'd be gray haired and insane by now...

2008-09-18T09:42:00.002-05:00

Washing lots of pukey laundry today as Hailey threw up all over our bed last night (and on the back of my husband's head, ew...)

My sister in law and I were supposed to get together at my house tonight for a craft night...my mom was going to watch Hailey so we were going to be kid free. I'm so bummed that this probably isn't going to happen now. Hailey's fever is coming back up even though she only threw up the one time at about 4 this morning and my nephew has what they think is walking pneumonia. So we really should reschedule. We were so looking forward to it :(

Oh, and I'm so ready for the ferret to be gone...he keeps pottying on my tile by the door to the garage and all over his cage, not just in his litter box. And I am convinced he brought fleas with him, which I didn't know could be an issue with ferrets. I can't find any fleas or flea poop on him, but we all of a sudden have a few flea bites. I am ultra paranoid about fleas infesting my house. That happened to us one time when I was a little girl because we had inside/outside cats and OMG it was HORRIBLE. Exactly why I don't want any more pets. And one of the reasons my cat isn't allowed outside at all! (She also eats grass and then comes inside and throws up on my carpet....ICK animals are just grody).

Ok so maybe I DON'T want the ferret...

2008-09-17T10:27:00.002-05:00

Last night I couldn't find Ferret anywhere. I knew he'd gone in the kitchen but he was nowhere to be found and there's nowhere to hide in there!! Or so I thought...

I should have taken a picture, but I was just so shocked at where I found him hiding that all I could do was pull him out and stand there looking at my mom in disbelief.

I was standing in the kitchen trying to decide where else to look when I heard something in my lower kitchen cabinet...the biggest one I have, with all my pots and pans and casserole dishes in it. I even keep my extra rolls of paper towels in there. I opened the cabinet door and lo and behold, there was Ferret laying in my frying pan.

SIGH...washing that cabinet and everything in it is going to be a HUGE task. And he keeps pottying on the tile by the door to the garage.

Totally rethinking this whole "keeping the Ferret" thing...

She's gone...

2008-09-16T14:48:00.002-05:00

She left Saturday night at about 8:00. I'm just now writing about it because I finally feel like I can think about it and not cry.

I was at her house late into the night Friday night. We spent hours making a sign for my family to hold up when my brother in law came home. We played Scrabble and Yahtzee and laughed. I got lunch with my sister and cousin one last time Saturday. I went to pick up Hailey and went back to my sister's house. She made a sign for herself to hold up when BIL got home and my cousin, other sister and I played Scrabble again. It was a really weird day. We all tried to act normal but it just felt...off. It's like we were trying to ignore the inevitable. Then the time came and my cousin left. They bawled. I busied myself packing up my brother's ferret as we're ferret-sitting him until they get back (ok I'm honestly seriously contemplating keeping the little booger...we've already grown quite attached to him, even though he smells funny and I have this odd paranoia about animals being dirty...I've already hinted around to my family that we might not be able to give him back) so luckily I had a distraction to all the sadness going on around me. After that I decided we should probably go. I hugged everybody but avoided my sister. Finally she walked over to me and I told her if she came near me I was going to cry. And I started crying. Hard. I couldn't even look at her. She just hugged me while we cried. I told her to take care of herself and that I loved her.

OK I thought maybe I could get through this w/out crying, but um, I was wrong. Crap.

**sniffle**

Anyway, it almost seems unreal. I've even slipped and said "where she lives now" in reference to the house she lived in here...that's not hers anymore. Then I remember she lives in freaking CA and it hits me like a ton of bricks. I didn't get much sleep all weekend. I'd lay in bed and cry. Sounds ridiculous, I know. But I've never been this far apart from her for this long. I can't hang out with her anymore. All we have are phone calls. I can't protect her out there. I've tried to protect her from everything since she was born. And I can't anymore. But I guess that's just part of growing up, right? She's married now, she has to learn to live life and deal with everything without me there to hold her hand. I just pray to God she does ok. Marriage is hard. Life is hard. Being alone is hard. After her excitement fades and the reality of the situation sets in I worry about what'll happen. With her history...I just pray to God constantly to watch over her. All we can do now is wait...and see how it goes.

And hopefully things will go fine and this tight, anxious feeling in my chest will fade. And I'll get used to her not being here. And I can busy myself with other things/people. And hopefully the same will happen for her...

Why I love shopping on Etsy...

2008-09-16T14:38:00.005-05:00

I cannot stress enough how wonderful Etsy is...if you haven't checked it out yet, you really should. This is a perfect example of why...(and by the way, I politely declined her offer...the fingerprints add sentimental value) :)

(My email to HomeStudio, who I blogged about recently, and their reply...)

by HomeStudio

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Hi Erin,

Thank you so much for the kind words and the back story. We LOVE the stories. That's what makes this all worthwhile.

Would you like another Breathe one? I wish the diamond glaze (top coat) wasn't so fragile. I have one that melted a few weeks ago because it was sooooo hot here.

Our best to your brother-in-law who served in Iraq for us. ♥

Thanks again! You made our day brighter. :)

Stef & Mark

16 September 2008 2:37pm EDT

by haymay0414

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Hi Stef,

We received the necklace in the mail last night...thank you so much!! My daughter was so excited, she loved it! She wore it all evening. She thinks the cats (it was the pink one w/ the white cat outlines on it) are weasels as we're ferret sitting right now and that's what she calls the ferret(that she loves to pieces and can't get enough of)...so the necklace is extra special to her.

I also wanted to let you know that the pendant I ordered from you all (Breathe Just Breathe) helped me through a really rough time...my sister who is my best friend moved to California this past Saturday to be with her husband who comes home from Iraq today (he's a Marine, this was his second time sent to Iraq unfortunately). Friday night and Saturday we spent making signs for his arrival home and playing, what else, Scrabble! :) I wore this pendant all day Saturday and everybody commented how neat it was that it was a scrabble tile pendant. I held onto it so much during the day to keep myself from crying that I made fingerprints in the clear coating. I know it seems silly, but it really did help me get through the day. It will always be special to me!

Many, many thanks...we continue to get compliments everywhere we go on these wonderful pendants.

Thanks again,

Erin

**Dealing with actual people, just like you and me, instead of a big corporation is just beyond wonderful...I have gotten many emails after I've made a purchase that made me so glad I spent my hard earned money on that item--anything from commenting on my pretty avatar and thanking me for my order, to telling me a little background on the item I purchased and why it's special to them. It's so refreshing to do business with such amazing, friendly people!!

Feeling Crafty

2008-09-12T13:42:00.003-05:00

Ok so my sister in law made these letters for Hailey for Christmas...I've always wanted Hailey to have letters for her bedroom but never wanted to pay what they charge for them already made! I think they look AMAZING! She did such a great job! The wooden letters are only 99 cents a piece and the paint is only 69 cents! I bought the letters today to spell out "LAUGH" and a little thing of dark brown wood paint. I found some really pretty brown/white/blue scrapbook paper for the tops of the letters...I'm going to attempt to make these by myself and hang them in my living room to match our new living room set! (brown/blue) We'll see how it turns out!!

Howdy

2008-09-12T10:47:00.006-05:00

Life has been incredibly busy this week. Between having to take Tuesday off work because of rash and poop issues Hailey was having (the day involved a dr. appointment, 2 trips to Walmart, a Benadryl induced 3 hour nap, suppositories AND an enema, a strained muscle making her unable to walk and much crying from Hailey) and my friend having her baby Wednesday and my sister leaving this Saturday for her move to California...things have been crazy.

Things haven't been made any easier by both my sister and sister in law being pissed at me about telling my friend I'd help her out Saturday. She'll be going home from the hospital Friday. She has a 7 year old and a 3 year old. Her mom is in San Francisco, her other best friend is out of state for training for her job, and her husband has to work all weekend at the base over an hour away from here (he's in the reserves)...this 3rd baby of hers was 9 lbs so she's in more pain than she was when she had her girls. She asked me if I'd help her out Saturday. And I was supposed to say no??? Sorry, not gonna do it.

Yes I'd already promised to spend the day with my sister, seeing as how she's leaving for CA that evening and I won't see her for years. Yes I'd already turned down the invite to my nephew's 1st bday party at 2:00 Saturday because it would piss my sister off if I went. But I couldn't leave my friend high and dry with her new baby, hurting, with 2 other kids to take care of. I'm a better friend than that.

So now my sister is pissed because I won't be with her ALL day. And my sister in law is BEYOND pissed because I wouldn't make my sister mad and go to her son's bday party, but I WOULD make my sister mad to go help out my friend who just had a baby.

SIGH

Add into all this the fact that I've gotten nothing done at home because of being so busy, my dining room and part of my living room looks like my dryer threw up clean clothes all over the place, my husband continues to dirty the place up the second after I clean it, LITERALLY, I'm still having problems sleeping, Hailey's been waking up at midnight or 1 and the only way to get her back to sleep is put her in our bed which means no sleep for me...I fall asleep every night after I put Hailey to bed, don't even remember falling asleep, whether it's on the couch, in bed with all the lights on and my clothes still on, etc...but my husband STILL wakes me up and asks me to have sex with him, not even caring that I'm obviously exhausted, and when I turn him down (which is every single time, I guess I'm a horrible wife) he storms off throwing a tantrum and leaves an even BIGGER mess downstairs for me to deal with the next day. His tantrum last night involved knocking over piles of clean clothes I had folded. I found 2 onesies (that I got at a garage sale for Hailey's dolls) behind the damn recliner. ??? WHAT is the point of that, I would love to know? No sex so he makes even more of a mess for me?? Yea, like that makes any sense....more mess means I'm even more exhausted which means even LESS of a chance for sex, HELLO.

Hailey woke up at midnight last night...D brought her to me in bed, I'd only had about 45 minutes of sleep. And then he went downstairs and watched TV...why on Earth couldn't he have just handled it himself and let me sleep? Oh that's right, because he's back to his old selfish self where I have to do EVERYTHING and he does NOTHING. Except sit on his ever growing butt and watch TV and eat food and leave the wrappers in the living room. LOVING the married life right now, let me tell you.

So, to sum my week up...I'm exhausted, I hurt, Hailey hurts, Hailey's exhausted, my husband isn't helping me at all, my friend had her baby (cute, chubby little thing...even his knees are chubby! LOL), my sister leaves tomorrow (*tear*), and everybody and their brother is pissed off at me for being a good friend/person and helping someone out that really needs help. I got a letter from a collection agency this week about a medical bill I never even received a bill for (I'm guessing because of the move??), THAT'S wonderful! And I don't want to be at work today. Oh and I have nothing for lunch and D's used all the eating out money the past couple weeks because he isn't making his own lunch anymore for some reason AHEM **lazy**.

Please God (or anybody that's listening!), send some positive vibes my way!

**Update** Apparently my sister isn't mad at me anymore, so that's good at least. I'm going over to her house tonight to play Scrabble, Yahtzee and help her makes signs for my brother in law (he's coming home from Iraq the 17th!!!! YAY!!!!)

Now if only my husband would quit leaving his dirty underwear in the middle of the living room floor, getting the floor dirty after I've just cleaned it, be nice to me AND if lunch fell from the sky THEN I would be having a great day! :)

**2nd Update** So my sister in law finally emailed me back and is not mad at me anymore. Looks like God heard my plea and is helping me have a better day!

Fun with Photos

2008-09-11T08:59:00.005-05:00

Who's that foxy lady back in 1964???

How about a pic of my husband with some hair???
1978 would have been a good year for D...
AHAHAHA!! What a corn dog!! 1964...
How cute is she??? 1984 would have been a good year for Hailey...

One more...can we say adorable in 1960??

2008-09-05T17:47:00.003-05:00

Labor Day memories...
The new quilt my mom got me...believe it or not it was on clearance at Walmart for $35!! And it's king sized!! I LOVE IT!!
My $5 garage sale painting...

My First Award!!

2008-09-04T21:03:00.007-05:00

Joanna over at Jo-Jo's Place has given me my first ever blogging award! I am super excited and feel very honored!! Thank you Joanna!!Now to pass the award on to two friends!!

First I'm going to give the award to Ashley. She's mom to an adorable little girl named Paisley. I've been reading her blog for a long time now and we've connected through MySpace, Facebook and email! It's a shame we don't live closer because I think we could be good friends in "real" life!

The other person I'm giving the award to is Kristin. I think her blog was the 2nd blog I started reading regularly and she's still one of my favorites. Her son Logan is about the same age as Hailey and he's absolutely ADORABLE! And now she's adding another adorable little boy to the family...it's going to be so neat to see this little boy grow up just like I've seen his older brother grow and change over the years! Sometimes my blogging buddies come up in conversations I'm having with my friends and family and Kristin is one of those that pops up in our conversations from time to time...the most recent was her appearance on a TV show my mom and I love, and I was able to share that with my mom...she thought it was too cool that I knew somebody appearing on one of our favorite shows! It's funny how you can not know a person or family in "real life" but still have them pop into your head at random times...like when Hailey asked to take her Cars to bed one night, I thought of Logan sleeping with his cars every night just like Hailey sleeps with her stuffed animals. Even if there comes a time when I quit doing Life As We Know It, I'll continue to read Kristin's blog! I hope she continues her blog for many more years to come!

Home Studio's Scrabble Tile Pendants

2008-09-04T20:43:00.004-05:00

I LOVE ETSY! I absolutely love browsing all the different shops and I like the fact that I'm supporting a person when I order and not some big corporation...and it's even better because everything is handmade! I've started to do some early Christmas shopping on Etsy and when I came across Home Studio's shop I knew right away I'd be ordering one of their scrabble tile pendants for my mom. They were having a buy 2 get 1 free deal so I got two for myself as well. I also ordered a chain for myself and one for my mom! Their prices are amazing and after receiving the necklaces in the mail I couldn't be more pleased!! I absolutely LOVE them!! I know my mom is going to love her paisley print tile for Christmas and I can't wait to wear one of mine! I'll definitely be ordering more in the future, for myself and for gifts for others! They even come packaged in these cute little white bags, perfect for gift giving or just keeping your necklace safe when storing it. You should definitely check their store out!! The buy 2 get 1 free deal ended on September 1st but they currently offer FREE shipping worldwide!!

WOW

2008-09-04T14:41:00.002-05:00

Conversation I just overheard (because it was said RIGHT in front of my desk)...

Person 1: I was going to tell you what that lady that came in said...when I told her the employment verification wasn't ready yet she said "well this is ridiculous I've been waiting on this for a week!" and I told her "Well I JUST got your information!" and she said "Well I can't go to work tomorrow if I don't have this faxed in today!" well guess what, I DON'T CARE!

Person 2: Yea really that's not our problem!

Person 1: I mean why can't she go to work if she doesn't have this faxed in TODAY?!?!

Person 2: Because it's for daycare assistance from DFS and if she doesn't have her verification in today they won't give her the assistance so she can't go to work tomorrow, and I say GET A REAL JOB and support your family, and that's the reason I don't have kids because I can't afford them, why'd she have kids if she can't afford them???

Person 1: Yea really don't live off money from DFS jeez!

How shitty is that??? These people are supposed to be there to help people with what they need...not be rude to them and talk shit about them behind their backs, which is what happens ALL.THE.TIME. Ok when I got pregnant with Hailey it was really unexpected, we weren't financially ready, and even though I made over the income limit for any kind of assistance, I didn't make enough to pay our rent and daycare in one month let alone everything else like food, utilities, diapers, formula etc...I would have been SO happy to get some sort of assistance. I'm sure some people abuse the system, but there are a lot of people that don't...that truly are just going through a rough time and need some assistance! But they don't care either way, even if they are just going through a rough patch, these people I work with DO NOT CARE. They are above lowly people like that (like myself!) and they have no problems voicing their opinions on the less fortunate.

LOVING the place I work, TOTALLY. Such caring compassionate people.

And this after yesterday when my boss brought me a few of my credit card payment confirmations that I'd printed off...the ones that disappeared after I printed them. I thought maybe it was my error and I hadn't hit print, but nope...apparently somebody in the office has been stealing them off the printer in the 30 seconds it takes me to get outside my office and to the printer, and copying them and giving them to my bosses boss to try to get me in trouble. I'm just taking less than 10 minutes to pay my bills and they're trying to get me in trouble for it, but yet it's ok for them to sit online and shop or whatever. Luckily my boss is a really nice person and she got them out of her bosses inbox before he saw the 2nd stack (apparently they've given him 2 stacks and he was pissed about the first one...and by stack I'm talking like 3 pages, that's it!) and gave them to me and just told me to do it before work or at lunch. I told her I'm not doing it at all at work anymore because nosy people can't mind their own damn business! I swear this place is absolutely ridiculous. I'm not good enough for them because I don't act like them or dress like them etc. so they are trying to get me in trouble however they can. How immature is that?? People need to just grow up, seriously!

Inspired

2008-09-04T09:51:00.003-05:00

A lot of people have been inspiring me lately and I feel the need to give them credit for bettering my life in the recent weeks.

First off, the most recent...Courtney over at Small Town SAHM. I read her post today about her Household Notebook project that she recently completed. I AM GOING TO DO THIS!! I often worry about what would happen to our little family life if something were to happen to me. Dan doesn't even know where I keep Hailey's socks, let alone how to access all our financial information, what bills are due when, HOW to pay those bills...he doesn't know Hailey's doctor's number. A book like this would GREATLY help ease my worries. A book like this would also really help me get my life organized. I desperately need all my family information in one spot. I desperately need a Christmas card list. I desperately need a book with all our favorite recipes and meal plans for weeks. This would really help me simplify and organize my life. I'm buying the binders this weekend and although it's going to take me quite a bit longer than it did Courtney, I AM going to finish this project!

Secondly, I don't know if any of you read this blog...if you don't, then you should! I LOVE Owl Haven!! Mary is an inspiration to me. Her and her husband have 10 kids and yet have a wonderful life! She has inspired me in the past few weeks to start cooking more from scratch. I've gotten a couple really great recipes from her blog! Right now, for the month of September, she's doing 30 Days of Nothing where her family drastically cuts back their spending to see just how much they can get by without. Anybody that wants to can participate and you decide your own rules and ideals for your family. I'm not participating to what I consider to be the full extent, as I've got other projects going on right now that I don't want to put on hold...but it's really got me thinking about how much we spend on food and where we could cut back. I already spend very little on groceries but she had really inspired me to make more meals from scratch. It's healthier AND cheaper if you're sensible about it. Mary is also the reason I've revived my passion for garage saling...and the reason I have a beautiful new painting over my bed that I got for only a few dollars. :)

And last but certainly not least, is Joanna over at Jo-Jo's Place. She has had a LOT going on in her life lately...redoing her house, fun crafty projects...she has totally inspired me to make my home a more comfortable and inviting place and has given me so many good ideas on how to do that! Our home is still a work in progress but I am SO pleased with the results so far. I'll be sharing pictures soon! Joanna has recently started a new blog called This Southern Girl's Nest...go check it out! It's already one of my favs!

So I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to you all for helping me better my life in the past few weeks!!

Barrettes!

2008-09-01T09:41:00.005-05:00

My sister in law finally got to come over yesterday so we could make barrettes!! I finally got the hang of it and I think they turned out great! I'm so excited! We can't wait to get together again and make more!! We're going to try to get together on a more regular basis and do things like this, we had so much fun! These are the ones I made...

The pink and blue striped one matches a dress Hailey got from Target this summer PERFECTLY!

Ready

2008-08-29T13:49:00.007-05:00

I think I'm finally ready to write this post. Maybe. We'll see how far I get. I'm not really sure where to start.

Things have been going pretty darn good lately considering the circumstances. Money is okay, my husband and I are mostly ok. My mood is okay. Hailey's okay.

I went to see the rheumatologist on the 20th. I was very nervous to go, since she's a specialist and I haven't had good experiences with specialists in the past. And there were nothing but old people all around, so that was odd...I felt like I shouldn't be there. But the staff at the office and the dr. herself were SO incredibly nice. They put me right at ease. I've finally got a diagnosis. Basically I have a couple problems. For one, I have a crooked spine. It's sort of an S shape, curving from side to side. That explains some of my upper back pain. Second of all, the big one. She agreed with my dr. that I do in fact have FMS or Fibromyalgia Syndrome. I don't know why I haven't wanted to write about this. I have very mixed feelings about everything. I'm relieved to know what's wrong with me. We have thought for years that I have this because my aunt has it...but I don't have the pain points you're supposed to have. When I asked the rheumatologist about this she explained that more and more drs these days are realizing you don't HAVE to have these pain points to have FMS. You can have none of them and still have it. So I'm releived to know I don't have something more serious like MS, and I'm relieved to finally have a name for what's wrong with me...I'm not just crazy.

But I'm also...I don't know, weirded out by all this. They don't know what causes FMS. Just a few years ago some people didn't even believe it was a real disease or syndrome or what have you. That it was all in a person's head. But it's not. It's real. And it totally sucks. And there's nothing they can do for it. And I'll have it for the rest of my life. And it will probably just get worse. SO...that sucks.

Luckily my Lexapro that I've been on for a few weeks now is really helping my mood. I'm much happier than I have been in a long time. Even when things aren't going right or I feel like crap, I can still crack a joke. I feel more like my old silly, joking self. My mom and I are being goofy again. I love making her laugh and I haven't been able to do that for so long. I think my husband has really noticed the difference in my mood. For the most part he's been great, acting like he likes me again LOL and being more understanding when I'm not having a good day. I also don't feel so overwhelmed with everything anymore. I feel like I can handle all the challenges life throws my way without getting so worked up. My anxiety is MUCH better. My OCD is still a work in progress. Since starting Lexapro I don't get so upset about dirt and messes as I did before. I love my cat again. If I don't get a chore done one night, I just do it the next. I still want a clean house, I still have that feeling of needing things organized, and I still have my odd quirks that go along with OCD...but at least it's not ruling my life anymore to the point of driving my husband insane.

I'm still having the sleep study done at the recommendation of the rheumatologist. Since that appointment I've noticed just how horrible I sleep. I wake up at least 5 times a night and I toss and turn the rest of the night. I've been trying to get to bed a lot earlier and it seems to be helping a little.

Now I just have to figure out how to deal with this and live with it. It's a work in progress but I think I'm doing ok so far. Considering it's not the greatest diagnosis, I've got a pretty positive outlook on life now. Some days are better than others of course, but all in all I think everything's going to be okay. I've just got to figure out how to deal with this and keep on living.

That's really all I feel like writing right now. I just wanted to get it out there that I am doing better, everything's ok, I'm having fun living life and enjoying my family again.

Some info on FMS...

SYMPTOMS:
The main fibromyalgia symptoms include deep muscle pain, painful trigger points or tender points, and morning stiffness. Other major symptoms of fibromyalgia include sleep disorders, fatigue, and anxiety. In order to make an accurate diagnosis, your doctor will need to review your symptoms and signs of fibromyalgia.

What are the common symptoms of fibromyalgia?

Common symptoms of fibromyalgia, also known as fibromyalgia syndrome or FMS, may include:

Anxiety
Concentration and memory problems -- known as fibro fog
Depression
Digestive disorders
Discoloration of hands and feet (Raynaud's phenomenon)
Dryness in mouth, nose, and eyes
Fatigue
Headaches
Irritable bowel syndrome
Morning stiffness
Pain
Painful menstrual cramps
Restless legs syndrome
Sleep problems
Swelling, numbness, and tingling in hands, arms, feet, and legs
Trigger points
Urinary symptoms

Is pain the most common symptom of fibromyalgia?

Yes. Widespread pain is characteristic of more than 97%of patients with fibromyalgia. In fact, pain is usually what forces a person with fibromyalgia to see his or her doctor.

Unlike the joint pain of osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia pain is felt over the entire body. It is a deep, sharp, dull, throbbing, or aching pain that's felt in the muscles, tendons, and ligaments around the joints. The Arthritis Foundation describes the muscle and tissue pain as tender, aching, throbbing, sore, burning, and gnawing.

For some people with fibromyalgia, the pain comes and goes. The pain also seems to travel throughout the body.

Is fatigue a fibromyalgia symptom?

Next to pain and the tender trigger points, fatigue is a major complaint. Fatigue in fibromyalgia refers to a lingering tiredness that is more constant and limiting than what we would usually expect. Some patients complain of being tired even when they should feel rested, such as when they've had enough sleep. Some patients report the fatigue of fibromyalgia as being similar to symptoms of flu. Some compare it to how it feels after working long hours and missing a lot of sleep.

With fibromyalgia, you may feel:

Fatigue on arising in the morning
Fatigue after mild activity such as grocery shopping or cooking dinner
Too fatigued to start a project such as folding clothes or ironing
Too fatigued to exercise
More fatigued after exercise
Too fatigued for sex
Too fatigued to function adequately at work

Are sleep disturbances a common symptom of fibromyalgia?

Sleep disturbances are common in the majority of people with fibromyalgia. While people with fibromyalgia may not have difficulty falling asleep, their sleep is light and easily disturbed. Many awaken in the morning feeling exhausted and unrefreshed. These sleep disturbances may help create a constant state of fatigue.

During sleep, individuals with fibromyalgia are constantly interrupted by bursts of brain activity similar to the activity that occurs in the brain when they are awake. Tests in sleep labs done on individuals with fibromyalgia have shown that people with fibromyalgia experience interruptions in deep sleep. These interruptions limit the amount of time they spend in deep sleep. As a result, their body is unable to rejuvenate itself.

Does morning stiffness affect many fibromyalgia patients?

Studies show that more than 75% of people diagnosed with fibromyalgia feel stiffness in the morning on arising. The stiffness is extensive -- affecting the muscles and joints of the back, arms, and legs. It makes them feel the need to "loosen up" after getting out of bed before beginning their usual activities.

Some people with fibromyalgia report that the morning stiffness may last only a few minutes, but in general, it is usually very noticeable for more than 15 to 20 minutes each day. In some cases, though, the stiffness lasts for hours, and in others it seems to be present all day.

While most people feel stiff when they first wake up, the stiffness associated with fibromyalgia is much more than simply a minor aching. In fact, people with fibromyalgia have the same feeling of stiffness in the morning that people feel with many types of arthritis, especially rheumatoid or inflammatory arthritis.

Is depression a fibromyalgia symptom?

Depression is a key symptom for most people with fibromyalgia. Approximately one out of every four patients with fibromyalgia has current major depression. And one out of every two people with fibromyalgia has a lifetime history of depression.

Stress from the constant pain and fatigue can cause anxiety. Also, chronic pain can result in a person being less active and becoming more withdrawn. This, in turn, can lead to depression.

It is also possible that anxiety and depression may actually be a part of fibromyalgia, just like the pain. Many patients with depression and fibromyalgia tell of having great difficulty concentrating on their work along with impaired short-term memory at times.

What causes swelling and tingling hands with fibromyalgia?

Neurological complaints -- such as numbness, tingling, and burning -- are often present with fibromyalgia. While what causes these feelings is unclear, numbness or tingling sensations in the hands, arms, or legs are felt by more than half of the people with fibromyalgia. The feelings may be especially bothersome when they occur in the mornings along with morning stiffness on arising.

The medical term for these sensations is paresthesia. The sensations usually happen at irregular times. When they do occur, they may last a few minutes or they may be constant. While the sensations can be bothersome, they are not severely limiting.

Are chronic headaches a symptom of fibromyalgia?

Chronic headaches, such as recurrent migraine or tension-type headaches, are common in about 70% of the people with fibromyalgia. They can pose a major problem in a person's ability to cope with and self-manage FMS.

The headaches may be a result of pain in the neck and upper part of the back. They are often caused by tightness and contraction of the muscles of the neck, which results in a type of headache called tension-type headaches or muscle-contraction headaches. They may also be caused by tenderness from trigger points over the back of the head and neck. It is important to remember that other medical problems can cause headaches that should be properly diagnosed and treated by your doctor.

Is irritable bowel syndrome a symptom of FMS?

Constipation, diarrhea, frequent abdominal pain, abdominal gas, and nausea represent symptoms frequently found in roughly 40% to 70% of patients with fibromyalgia. Acid reflux or gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) also occurs with the same high frequency.

Do menstrual cramps affect women with fibromyalgia?

Unusually painful menstrual cramps occur in 30% to 40% or more of women with fibromyalgia. These cramps, along with other symptoms, are usually present for years.

How is Raynaud's phenomenon related to fibromyalgia?

Raynaud's phenomena is present in 25% to 50% of the people with fibromyalgia. With Raynaud's, your fingers or toes may become quite pale, cold, or blue when exposed to cold temperatures, for example when you are holding a cold glass. The pale or blue changes usually last a few minutes and may be accompanied by pain. When the hands or feet are warmed, they return to normal.

What is restless legs syndrome with fibromyalgia?

Restless legs syndrome results in discomfort in the legs, especially the areas of the legs below the knees, and the feet. It is especially bothersome at night. The feeling can be painful, but most commonly it is described as the need to move the legs to try to make them comfortable.

Restless legs syndrome often interrupts sleep as the person tries to find a comfortable position for rest. As with other symptoms, restless legs syndrome can be found alone or along with other medical problems.

CAUSES:
Investigators are constantly looking at various explanations for the occurrence of fibromyalgia. Some, for example, are exploring hormonal disturbances and chemical imbalances that affect nerve signaling. Other experts believe fibromyalgia with its deep muscle pain is linked to stress, illness, or trauma. Still others think there is a hereditary cause or say there is no explanation at all. But while there is no clear consensus about what causes fibromyalgia, most researchers believe fibromyalgia results not from a single event but from a combination of many physical and emotional stressors.

What causes fibromyalgia?

Some have speculated that lower levels of serotonin in the blood leads to lowered pain thresholds or an increased sensitivity to pain. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter in the brain. It's associated with a calming, anxiety-reducing reaction. The lowered pain thresholds may be caused by the reduced effectiveness of the body's natural endorphin painkillers and the increased presence of a chemical called "substance P." Substance P amplifies pain signals.

There have been some studies that link fibromyalgia to sudden trauma to the central nervous system. Keep in mind, though, theories about what causes fibromyalgia are merely speculative.

Who gets fibromyalgia?

Fibromyalgia is far more common in women than in men. Some interesting studies show that women have approximately seven times less serotonin in the brain. That may explain why fibromyalgia syndrome, or FMS, is more prevalent in women.

Another theory states that fibromyalgia is caused by biochemical changes in the body and may be related to hormonal changes or menopause. In addition, some (but not all) people with fibromyalgia have low levels of human growth hormone, which may contribute to the muscle pain.

Does stress cause fibromyalgia?

Some researchers theorize that stress or poor physical conditioning are factors in the cause of fibromyalgia. Another theory suggests that muscle "microtrauma" (very slight damage) leads to an ongoing cycle of pain and fatigue. This mechanism, like all the others, is still unproven for fibromyalgia.

Do insomnia or sleep disorders cause fibromyalgia?

Most people with FMS experience insomnia or non-restorative sleep -- sleep that is light and not refreshing. Disordered sleep might lead to the lower levels of serotonin, which results in increased pain sensitivity. Researchers have created a lower pain threshold in women by depriving them of sleep, possibly simulating fibromyalgia.

Is depression linked to fibromyalgia?

Some scientists used to believe that because fibromyalgia was accompanied by low-grade depression, there may be a link between the two illnesses. Today, mental health issues are no longer thought to cause fibromyalgia. However, chronic pain can cause feelings of anxiety and depression, which may worsen fibromyalgia symptoms.

Is fibromyalgia hereditary?

Like other rheumatic diseases, fibromyalgia could be the result of a genetic tendency that's passed from mother to daughter. Some researchers believe that a person's genes may regulate the way his or her body processes painful stimuli. These scientists theorize that people with fibromyalgia may have a gene or genes that cause them to react intensely to stimuli that most people would not perceive as painful. To date, these genes have not been isolated or identified.

It's thought that when a person with this genetic tendency is exposed to certain emotional or physical stressors -- such as a traumatic crisis or a serious illness -- there is a change in the body's response to stress. This change can result in a higher sensitivity of the entire body to pain.

What are risk factors for fibromyalgia?

Risk factors are distinct characteristics researchers have identified that may increase your chance of getting a certain illness. While researchers have identified some common risk factors for fibromyalgia, there are still many people with the disease who have none of these traits. Also, some women have fibromyalgia with certain diseases, such as osteoarthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE), or other autoimmune diseases. But others have fibromyalgia without any underlying disease.

Possible risk factors for fibromyalgia include:

gender (usually female)
genetic disposition (may be inherited)
menopause (loss of estrogen)
poor physical conditioning
surgery
trauma to the central nervous system (after an injury, accident, illness, or emotional stress)

HAHAHAHAHA!

2008-08-27T10:58:00.002-05:00

**My husband and I are actually getting along great lately, I just thought this was funny!! :)

2008-08-19T15:53:00.002-05:00

I had to write a serious post to get the last one further down the line. I hated the fact that when anyone pulled up my page they'd see that picture first thing. It's funny but it's horrendous! So, moving on...

We did fairly well at the garage sale we had this weekend. Dan and I made about $140 after we subtracted the fee for the ad in the paper ($15) and how much it cost to buy the signs at Walmart ($4). Considering we priced everything INCREDIBLY cheap, got rid of at least half our stuff, and the most expensive item we sold was a whopping $7.00, I'd say we did pretty darn good! The 2 bags of jeans/clothes for fall/winter that I have left I'm taking to a local resell store here in town...they pay pretty decent if it's items they want. A bag of summer stuff I'll save to take to them in the Spring, and the rest of the stuff is all going to Goodwill!

I'm not sure if I wrote about the huge mountain of garbage bags my sister in law dropped off at my house a couple weeks ago??? There were at least 7 of the huge black bags, FULL of girl clothes and shoes. From newborn all the way to a girls size 6. A coworker gave the stuff to her and she didn't want ANY of it. My brother in law said she basically opened one of the bags, said "EW!" and gave it all to me. I happily sat in my front yard going through every single item in every single bag and OH MY GOSH it was like Christmas! I found a whole bag and a half of clothes for Hailey...tshirts and shorts to wear now...pants, long sleeved shirts, winter dresses, sweaters and sweatshirts for this fall/winter season. Even a little pair of shoes, the white leatherish Keds style (they were Honor brand from Target) that Hailey LOVES and insists on wearing every day. She's actually wearing them out already LOL she wears them so much! I even took some of the cute baby girl things, because you never know what our next one will be! The rest of the stuff I had my cousin go through for her new niece...they have NO money so I know she'll really appreciate the stuff. I also let another friend go through the stuff and have whatever she wanted. I have to mention, this stuff wasn't just crappy old stuff...almost all the stuff I took for Hailey was name brand, Gap, Children's Place, OshKosh, Gymboree, Old Navy, Carter's...it's good stuff! I've washed everything and made a huge pile in Hailey's closet. My sister in law said she has a few more bags for me and her coworker has even more to give her as well. After this stuff plus whatever handmedowns I get from my friend that gives me handmedowns every season, I don't think I'll have to buy anything for Hailey this winter except maybe a coat and a pair of tennis shoes! YAY! Now if only I could find somebody that would give me handmedowns for myself!

I had found a dark brown area rug at Walmart that would be perfect for our living room and at only $39.98 the price wasn't THAT bad. But I still refused to pay that much! Imagine my dismay when I went to Walmart Sunday and not only was the only one they had left GONE, but it had been on sale for $30.00! :( I found some awesome curtains at Walmart as well, only $10.00 a panel, but because the college students are back and completely clearing the shelfs of EVERYTHING, there were no curtain rods left! I also wanted to get one of those Febreze things you plug into the wall that alternates scents throughout the day...of course, they were out of those too. They were even out of hand soap. Seriously. Today I had to run to a different Walmart at lunch and get dessert supplies for tomorrow's birthday lunch here at work. I'm so incredibly glad I did! Not only did they have my $30.00 rug, they also had the perfect curtain rod for the living room for only $9.88 AND the one I'd wanted for the playroom was finally on sale for $7.00! They even had tons of choices for the Febreze plug in I wanted and I found a scent combo I love! I can't wait to get home and plug it in and put my new rug on the floor and make D hang up the curtains! Now the only curtains I have left to find are for the dining room. Oh our end table/coffee table set also came in yesterday so D is supposed to put that together tonight. Yay!

OMG

2008-08-19T10:19:00.006-05:00

A few little things went wrong this past Friday night which resulted in me not getting to my dad's until about 11:00. We still had to finish setting the rest of the garage sale stuff up and price a few more bags of baby clothes. Fortunately I was able to really cheer up my sister by being a complete doofus and doing this....
I'm glad that I'm feeling happy enough to goof off again. And it's amazing what being exhausted, a little girl's shirt, some tupperware and a really cheap wig will do for a girl...LOL

I have to give some background. My dad has been telling a LOT of tall tales recently, moreso than usual. Thursday night he told us that when he was in the service he dated this girl with double D boobs that wore these little fuzzy shirts that barely covered her boobs (This is wrong on so many levels...for one, hello he's my dad, EW! and two...um, I didn't mention to him the fact that he was married to my mom in the service...oh well.) So when I found this little red shirt while pricing things I just had to poke fun at the whole story.

Gotta love Etsy and a great giveaway!!

2008-08-15T15:16:00.004-05:00

You have to check out THIS Etsy shop...she makes the cutest key fobs and I am in LOVE with the plates that she paints. I am seriously contemplating buying a certain one for Hailey's bedroom!! MomDot is having a giveaway...head on over and enter, you could be one of two people to win a key fob from this wonderful Etsy shop!!

Rambling

2008-08-15T08:43:00.004-05:00

And now the reasons why I also hate my family...last night was NOT fun like the night before was. They fought last night. My stepmom left to go to the store and never came back. My poor little brother was at a loss for what to do. My sister started screaming at my dad in the house, something about cheating...they're all just so overly dramatic. They always have to have some sort of drama. I wanted to scream, JUST GROW UP AND GET OVER IT ALL! Instead I priced what I could for the garage sale and left, telling my little brother to hang in there and I was sorry he had to go through that.

Luckily, Hailey was with D at his parents house last night. His grandparents were in town for one night and I am SO SO SO glad that I decided to go over there right after I picked Hailey up from school and go out to eat with everyone. It was a nice break in my evening. I got to see my sister and brother in law, and my nephews actually LOVED me, it was great! Right when I walked in the back door I could hear my oldest nephew squeal and say "Erin's here!" How cool is that?? I sat in the rocking chair and as soon as Hailey vacated my lap little W ran over and hopped up and made himself comfy! Made me feel totally awesome. I talked to him about school a little bit (he'll be 4 in march!) and eventually he ran off to play with everybody else. My other nephew, baby W (who's 1 this month!!) looked and looked at me and just squealed and waved. What a cutie!! Papa, D's dad, actually paid a LOT of attention to Hailey last night too so that made D and I happy. We all went to eat together and had a lot of fun. I let little W come sit on my lap and finish my brownie and then I cleaned him up after I cleaned Hailey up. They are so cute together, they hold hands and talk and run around. I love it. After we ate, we saw Hailey's best friend, Little C and his parents. His last day at Hailey's school is today so we are so so sad :( I told his mom last night how he hugged Hailey the other day when I was there to pick her up and he told her "I love you Hailey" and she reached over and patted his knee. His mom said we should just start planning their wedding now. He is the sweetest, cutest little boy. We're definitely going to have to get together with them on a regular basis so they can continue being friends! After that I left and went to my Dad's while D took Hailey to his parent's house to spend a little more time with the grandparents. That was really big because D doesn't take Hailey anywhere by himself. I've been really encouraging him lately to do more with her on his own. They had a great time playing. I got home around 9 and got her ready and put her to bed. Then I started in organizing and pricing my sister in laws things for the garage sale. After doing two huge bags I got myself ready for bed picked up the living room and then did the dishes at 11:45. I finally got to bed around midnight. I only got about 5.5 hrs of sleep but I'm feeling so accomplished after getting everything done last night that I set out to do, so I'm feeling pretty good about today. Also, today is my mom's 49th birthday and Hailey and I are taking her out for dinner tonight! Hopefully today goes as smoothly as yesterday did...it didn't start out too promising, with me waking up a little late, jabbing the mascara want in my eye and getting mascara EVERYWHERE and then I went to wake Hailey up and found her sleeping on soaked sheets, the poor girl had peed enough to fill 3 diapers...but I'm still thinking positive, I only got to work 1 minute late, everybody's been in a really good mood towards me today, and hopefully it just gets better from here on out!

Hope everybody has a great weekend! Wish me luck with this darned garage sale!!

2008-08-15T08:04:00.004-05:00

This breaks my heart...I don't understand how anyone could ever do something like this. I've had my fair share of frustrations raising an infant that I wasn't prepared for, during those sleepless nights when I was so exhausted all I could do was bawl...but I still don't see how anyone could do a thing like this. God bless this little baby, his mother and the rest of his family he left behind.

Work is really boring me today...

2008-08-14T08:15:00.004-05:00

I've been insanely busy lately trying to get ready for a garage sale we're having this weekend at my sister's. I have a LOT of stuff to get rid of so I really hope it goes well. My mom watched Hailey last night while I went over to her house to get everything set up. We still have so much left to do though, I'm getting a little stressed. D's grandparents are coming into town today for one day only and tomorrow is my mom's birthday. But yet I still have all this stuff left for the sale to do too!

Last night was actually really fun. Even though that side of my family is crazy, I seriously love hanging out with them (most of the time--as long as they're not fighting). I can be myself, however I'm feeling, whatever mood I'm in, and they love me anyways. I don't have to watch my language, I can trash talk my dad one minute and he'll turn around and call me "baby girl" the next minute. We have a blast joking with each other, giving each other crap, farting and play fighting. Sounds so white trash, but man what a blast. They even accept all my wierd quirks and don't say a thing...unless it's to give me crap for it LOL. We even have fun doing things like cleaning the garage. Having your sister and brother push the riding lawn mower around the yard while you sit on it and steer can be a LOT of fun. And my sister and I totally have ESP...I can't count how many times I've looked at my cell phone and thought "I wish she'd call me" and my phone rings and it's her. Last night after I hopped off the lawn mower I thought to myself "Hm, a piggy back ride would be nice" and she said "Want a piggy back ride?" I hopped on and away we went, running around the yard hooting and hollering. I'm sure the neighbors were thinking WOW those people have issues...but you know what, it's nice once in a while to act completely immature, completely crude, not worry about what other people think and just let loose and have fun! I am desperately trying NOT to think about how my sister is moving all the way across the country in less than a month. I don't know what I'm going to do. Right now my coping tactic is to pretend it's not happening. Yea I know, real healthy. Moving on...

I got my necklace in the mail the other day that I won at Joanna's blog party. It's beautiful, I absolutely love it. My daughter does to. She tried to claim someone sent it to HER in the mail and it was HER necklace. I eventually bribed it away from her and put it out of her sight...so now she's forgotten it ever existed.

We got new living room furniture. I went couch shopping a couple weeks ago with my mom because she was in desperate need of a new set and was giving her old set to a college guy that's finally getting his own apartment. I found a set and fell completely in love with it. I obsessed about it for a week and finally D and my sister went with me to see it and we bought it. I get insanely happy every time I look at my new couch and chair and 1/2. I'm craving time to just sit in that huge chair, cuddle up with my blankie and relax. We also ordered a new end table/coffee table set but it hasn't come in yet. Now that we don't have to use the living room as a play room anymore, I can take up more space with furniture. I can't wait to get the tables in. I'm sick of bumping our ghetto end table and having the broken leg fall off which then makes it fall over and dump everything including our lamp on the floor. I'm also saving up for this $40 dark brown area rug I found at Walmart and some curtains for the living room window. The color is kind of off in these pictures...it's really blue and brown. In the last picture it shows the table set we ordered. We didn't get the loveseat though, just the couch and chair. Hailey has a new obsession with chewing gum. She knows it's "for her mouth, not for her belly" and she has never swallowed it. She chews it with all her teeth, it's in this big string in her mouth. She says she makes worms with her gum. Ew. She's taken to digging through my purse to find her special pack of Trident fruit gum and getting a piece on her own without asking. Which means my wallet or other purse things are frequently NOT in my purse anymore...like today, I realized I have no wallet. Which means no license and no money. That little toot. She wants her gum first thing in the morning. I, of course, won't give it to her until after I pick her up from school in the afternoon so she's been throwing a whiny mini-fit every morning. Yesterday morning she actually had the nerve to ask me if I'd take my purse in to her sitter's house and leave it there. She thought she was being sneaky, thought she could get gum that way without me being around!

Last night while Hailey was at my mom's she started pooping in her diaper. My mom tried to bribe her to get her to go on the potty. She told her "If you go poop on the potty I'll give you marshmellows!" Hailey said, in a snotty little girl tone, "I had marshmellows YESTERDAY at HEATHER'S house" and she continued to poop in her diaper. In case my mom hadn't gotten the point that she can't bribe her with marshmellows, Hailey reiterated the fact later in the night that she had marshmellows YESTERDAY at her sitter's house. Ha. Take that Grandma.

My husband left the faucet running in the downstairs bathroom sink last night. I'm so loathing getting our next utility bill. I'm praying it's not going to be outrageous. I cannot believe he does crap like this. Remember the time he left our front door wide open all day at the other place?? Well since we've moved into our new place he's gone to bed with ALL the locks unlocked on our doors TWICE. Luckily the last time freaked him out so bad he hasn't done it since the first couple weeks we lived there. He's also taken to using a knife and leaving it on the edge of the kitchen counter...HELLO, we have a 2 year old in the house that LOVES to get things off the counter herself...image if she reached up, touched the handle which would spin the knife off the counter and it stabbed her in the eye. I've reminded him at least 5 times and he still keeps forgetting. I also found his razor on the edge of the bathroom counter last night. Then last night w/ the water running...which pales in comparison with the other unsafe things he's done...I'm wondering, is he just completely careless or is he incredibly lazy??

I'll end this with a little Bigfoot talk. Has everyone heard the news??!?! Freaking crazy! I can't believe they really might have found a dead bigfoot. If you haven't heard it yet, just do an internet search for "bigfoot body found in Georgia" and you'll find it. It was even on Fox News. My husband and I, being the complete nerds that we are, were on the internet til 11:00 last night reading the articles and watching the video of the news broadcast. Then of course I had to show him the recent articles showcased on CNN.com about the mangy cayote somebody videotaped running down a gravel road...the thing really does look like a chupacabra. And then there's the Montauk Monster, that thing is CREEPY looking. By the time we were done and my very normal husband declared that he thinks aliens are real, I was completely creeped out to the point where I didn't even want to go take a shower alone. I get really freaked out about all that crap! By the time I got to bed at 11:45 (damn Olympics being on so late, don't they know I HAVE to watch gymnastics if I catch it on?!?) I was so tired but still so freaked out I had to go to sleep with my bedside lamp on. So I'm exhausted today, and it's raining outside which means unless it quits my job tonight working on the garage sale is going to be that much of a pain in the butt to get done.

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they're married....

2008-08-06T13:43:00.003-05:00

My mom sent me this email today and I thought it was too funny not to share...some of you might've read this already but I thought it was hilarious!

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they're married....

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3am, a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'Oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Summer Photo Contest!

2008-08-04T15:26:00.003-05:00

5 Minutes for Mom is having a Summer Photo Contest! I chose this photo as my entry because to me, there's nothing more summery than my little girl's excitement during her first experience at the Lake, which is one of our summer traditions!

2008-08-04T14:37:00.004-05:00

I went to the dr. this morning. She's sending me to a rheumatologist. I go see him on the 20th. She also put me on Lexapro for my OCD. Hopefully it will help and I'll be able to cut back on my anxiety over things being germ free, spotless and organized so my stress levels will go down some. I also have to have a sleep study done. She's really concerned about my level of fatigue since I'm falling asleep on the way home from work and things like that. And since I NEVER wake up refreshed, ever. After that, if I need to she'll send me to a neurologist. But she really thinks I might have some sort of sleep issue because the extreme lack of good sleep could be causing all of my problems. My feet going numb/white is something called Renard's syndrome and she doesn't really know why that's happening every now and then. It's something about the small blood vessels contracting?? Basically it's the least of my problems right now though :) I'm going to go through with all this and even take the medication even though I'm pretty highly against medicines in general, especially ones like Lexapro and Prozac. Sorry if you need to take them, but it just personally scares the poop out of me. Especially after my experience with Cymbalta I tried to take to help with my pain. But she said this one is very well tolerated, not like the effects you get from Cymbalta, and should really help with my OCD.

I'm doing all this because I want my life back. I want a normal, happy life. And I'm doing it to save my personal relationships, esp. my marriage. I know my craziness hasn't helped anything any. D and I had a long talk this weekend and he's really trying to reassure me more and be more supportive instead of just telling me I have issues that I need to get help for. He's seeing that I'm really trying to work on things so he's trying to. Hopefully everything will start to get better from here on out. I'm feeling more positive about everything now since my dr. visit.

Also, I got to work this morning and found out I'd won one of the giveaways over at Joanna's blog party! Oddly enough, THIS was the item I won. I told my mom that I think God's trying to tell me something. She told me I better start going to church :) I'm super excited that I won this necklace, I absolutely love it. And it really put a positive spin on my day :)

Disturbing weekend happenings

2008-08-04T13:36:00.004-05:00

The shower Saturday went really well. The games were fun, especially the melted candy bars in diapers one...the food was good, everything worked out great. I wasn't as social as I should have been, but oh well that's just me. I was exhausted from spending Thursday and Friday nights and Saturday morning doing baby shower stuff, then doing more shower stuff at my friend's house before the shower, and trying to keep her little twerp of a daughter from hurting Hailey was just the icing on the cake. Her girls are so bad! Her oldest, A, is going into 3rd grade this year. The other one is 10 months older than Hailey. They pick on each other non stop and in the middle of the circle of women at this shower they were actually wrestling with each other and almost landing on the 2 little boys of 2 of S's other friends! S doesn't get onto them at all other than to sound annoyed and say to them "You all stop it!" but they keep going and she just lets it happen! Finally we got the girls to go back in the bedroom and play, but I had to keep running back there because the youngest, J, continually picks on Hailey JUST TO HEAR HER CRY. I think she has major issues, personally. It just seems so...evil...the way she picks on Hailey. One time RIGHT in front of me, she shut Hailey's little fingers in a desk and pushed down and pushed down and I had to literally push her out of the way to get Hailey's fingers out. Saturday it wasn't so much the physical torment as it was the mental. Every single thing Hailey wanted to play with, J would take away. Hailey was being so sweet and innocent and she was so excited to go play with her friend J. And J has all these cool stuffed animals Hailey LOVED, but every single time she'd get that excited happy look on her face, grin from ear to ear, and pick up an animal...J would grab it and sit on it or put it behind her back JUST to watch Hailey cry. It was absolutely pitiful. I felt so bad for Hailey. At one point I had one of those really weird moments where I felt like if I hadn't gotten there when I did something bad would have happened. I couldn't find the girls and I could hear Hailey crying frantically. I found them shut in the baby's room, Hailey cowering in the corner under the crib and J had some sort of bar from underneath the back of the crib (metal tube like thing) in her hands blocking Hailey back there. I asked what the hell she was doing and she just mumbled something about the bar being from the crib. I told her to get out and I pulled Hailey from under the crib and explained that we don't play in that room. It was just an eerie feeling, to open that bedroom door and walk into a dark room and find my child blocked under a crib, her crying. I have no idea what she was trying to do to Hailey. I just thank God I got there in time. I was very hesitant about letting her play with J after that, but I had to finish the shower. At one point when S was opening her presents I was sitting on the couch next to her other good friend (mom to one of the baby boys I mentioned earlier) and she asked me if Hailey and J usually play well together. I kind of hesitated and said softly under my breath "Not exactly...J sort of...picks on Hailey." She very sarcastically said "OH MY, J?? NO WAY, imagine that!!" because she feels the same way about J as I do. Then not 10 minutes later, somebody asked S about the girls playing together and S made the comment in front of the whole group "They used to pick on each other SO BAD! Like torment each other just to torment! But they're doing really good now!" I was so mad when she said that! Ok Hailey is the bully at daycare, I will readily admit that. She bites the other kids because they take her toys, because they take her spot in line, or just because they looked at her wrong...even little A who's only a year old, or little M who is the sweetest little girl and wouldn't hurt a fly. We've had to enact a rewards/consequences routine now where what we do in the evenings solely depends on Hailey's performance at school that day, and it's working wonderfully. She's improved immensely...she loves being a good little girl and having Mommy so happy with her and getting to do fun things. She did have one slip up Friday where her and the sitter's son who is the same age as her bit each other. But it was a mutual bite, not something she did alone or innitiated. And she's only 2, she's not going to be perfect all the time. BUT...she has NEVER picked on J. J is like twice the size of Hailey, she's really tall for her age, and Hailey has NEVER EVER picked on this girl. So for my friend to tell all her friends and family that they picked on each other REALLY pissed me off. Especially since not 5 minutes later Hailey started screaming again. I ran down the hallway and she jumped into my arms, talking incessantly and incoherantly to the point of being manic. I have never seen her like that EVER. I finally got her to calm down enough to form real words and she told me "J said monsters were coming to get us in the bedroom!" Again, J had shut them in the bedroom in the dark. The whole time this was happening, J was standing there just watching Hailey with this intensely interested look on her face. It was so incredibly creepy. I was so pissed. We don't use physical punishment but I was THIS close to smacking that little twerp. I told her very firmly and meanly that we do NOT believe in monsters and there are NO SUCH THING as monsters. I calmly and nicely told Hailey that she knows there's no monsters, and Hailey, sobbing, still so upset, said between breaths "Just me and Mommy and Zoe and Daddy and Olga and Rory (her stuffed dog)" and she went on and on...that's what she does when she gets scared, I taught her to do that to remind herself that the only people in the house are us. No monsters. The poor, poor thing, my heart broke for her. I have never seen her so scared. From then on I wouldn't let her go back in the bedroom with J and we left soon after, as soon as we could. What made me even more mad is that when I heard Hailey's frantic screams my mom was back in the bathroom and J who is S's mom, told me "Oh she's fine, your mom's back there." I don't give a damn who's back there, when I hear my child scream like that I will run to see what's wrong! I am deeply disturbed by what happened there that day, and one thing is for damn sure...J will not be playing with Hailey anymore. It's sad because S is my oldest friend. But I won't have my child be tortured like that.

What makes all this worse is the fact that Hailey is fighting going to bed at night now. Saturday night she bawled, begging me to take her to Walmart to buy juice, or go on a walk, or watch movies...anything but make her go to bed. And then last night was even worse. She couldn't get to sleep, she tossed and turned, D tried laying down with her while I took a shower because she's been his little buddy lately, even that didn't work. She even asked to sleep with mommy and daddy in our bed which she NEVER does. I beg her to sleep with me when D's out of town and she refuses! Finally it was after midnight and I told her I'd turn her new nightlight on but that I had to go to bed. I told her to lay there and have "Boppy time" which is what she calls laying in bed resting with her pacifiers and try to get to sleep and that if she needed mommy or daddy that we were right across the hall. I told her I was so tired and had to go to bed. D and I sat in bed, whispering to each other, for 30 minutes. Finally we went and checked and lo and behold, she'd fallen asleep. I turned off her light. I found out this morning just why she was so freaked out. When I woke her up to get ready to go to daycare she automatically started asking about the monsters. We did our whole "There are no monsters, just me and mommy etc." thing but when I laid her on the floor to change her diaper I could tell she was still freaked out. She turned and watched behind her out the door. And this is all happening because that little twerp J freaked Hailey out so bad Saturday. I am just livid. WHY will my friend not discipline her daughters?? Why does she just let them do whatever they please? I mean J has major issues IMO...not only was she doing these things to Hailey, but after most people left she was walking around telling me to shut up even though I told her very firmly that we don't use those words. Then both S's girls pulled Haiely in the bathroom with them. I set the stuff I was carrying down and went and opened the door and the older one was on the toilet pooping, it stank to high heaven in there, and the younger one was on the little potty peeing and Hailey was trying to pull her diaper down to pee on the other little potty. I told her she could pee in her diaper and pulled her out of the bathroom. Then J, the younger one, came out of the bathroom with no panties on and laid down and put her crotch up in the air moving herself around and grabbed herself and started saying something. It was so disturbing. She's only 3 but the whole feel of it was just so wrong, it was on the verge of her trying to be sexual, and she's only 3 freaking years old!! My friend just grabbed her and put panties on her. No consequences for her actions. No making her wash her hands even. I love my friend, but I think she is lacking some serious parenting skills in the discipline department. I'm just thanking God the shower is over with and we don't have to be around them anymore and I'm praying to God to help me undo the damage that J did to my Hailey.

And while I'm on the subject...what is it with older little girls?? Because at the shower Sunday, the hostesses 4 year old little girl was doing sort of the same things except not with ill-intent, just being a little snot. She wouldn't let Hailey touch any of her toys after she invited her back into her bedroom and when Hailey went into her little sister's room she told me that Hailey messed everything up and we'd have to fix it ALL (with a huge dramatic bitchy sigh!) and all Hailey would have done was like sit in a wooden rocking chair. That's it. I didn't know these people so I just made Hailey stay out in the dining room with me and then thank God after the mom was done opening her presents Hailey said very loudly to me "Mommy I want to go home NOW!" so we left. (I really didn't mind, the last lady that got there turned out to be a now-it-all...she was older than all the rest of us girls and we were getting along great laughing and everything before this lady got there...she gave me so many dirty looks I lost count, and I was barely even talking...I was so thankful for Hailey demanding we leave!)

I'm starting to realize my kid isn't as bad as I thought...yea she might be a bully sometimes at daycare, but I've come to see she's not near as bad as some of the other kids out there, especially when it comes to attitude. I just wish I had a friend around here that had a little girl Hailey's age that I got along with really well. It would be really nice to have a friend to get together with where we could let the kids play...it wouldn't even necessarily have to be a girl, although Hailey is definitely more into baby dolls and things like that :) I wish my cousin lived in town, her little girl was 3 in July but her and Hailey are 2 peas in a pod! They're both really respectful of each other and play together wonderfully! We miss them dearly, they live about 2 hours away. :(

I don't know a good way to end this post so I'm just going to end it here...

I need answers

2008-08-01T13:49:00.005-05:00

I'm going back to the dr. Monday. I finally bit the bullet and made an appointment. My health issues have been getting worse, my pain has come back full swing and I'm having new problems as well. It's been bringing me down lately even though I've been trying to pretend nothing's wrong. It really hit me Saturday morning when I woke up to my arms hurting/aching/throbbing so bad. It continued through the weekend and my lower half started throbbing and aching as well. Every day this week I've gone to bed at the end of the day with my hips and legs just throbbing. I end up having to take Advil to get it under control enough so I can get some sleep. The problem with that is, now I'm having sharp stomach pains every day from the Advil. Last night I didn't take any Advil and it took me forever to finally fall asleep. By yesterday afternoon I'd just had enough. I can't act like nothing's wrong anymore, and I can't hide the rest of my symptoms from my doctor. Or anybody. It's not doing me any good, and I think actually it's hurting me because not only am I not able to find out what's wrong with me when I hold back information, but it also makes people look at me in the wrong light. I'm seen as a complainer, and people think I'm lying or just using my health issues as an excuse to not do things or get out of going places. Which is so far from the truth. I want to have a normal life. I don't want to have issues anymore!! I would love to wake up feeling refreshed and be able to perform my duties all day, whether it be at home on the weekends or at work during the week and then at home at night...and have energy for fun stuff too. I'm tired of feeling like my body just has no energy whatsoever, like it's just so tired and heavy and weak. I'm tired of not being able to think clearly...I'm tired of feeling like my mind is in a fog. I'm tired of not being able to find the right words sometimes when I'm trying to tell somebody something. I'm tired of it being SO hard for me to learn new things. I'm tired of my joints and muscles hurting and aching and throbbing. I'm tired of my hand shaking at random times for no good reason at all. I'm tired of my OCD and being so stressed out because of my obsession with germs and things being clean...my husband is the total opposite, so my house is always cluttered and dirty even after I've JUST cleaned it! I need this not to bother me anymore because I NEVER feel relaxed or comfortable being at home because of it! I'm tired of constantly thinking people don't like me, or that people are talking about me or thinking bad things about me. I'm tired of being so paranoid that I'm going to die an early death and never get to have anymore babies or have a good life. I have issues, and I need to get them resolved. I need a name for what I have, I need a reason that I'm feeling this way. I need to be able to tell people "THIS is what I have" and know that I'm not crazy. I also need for my mom to support me and quit telling me I shouldn't have anymore kids because I can't take care of them...even though I take care of my kid almost 100% by myself when she's not at daycare! I need people to be supportive of me instead of telling me what I "shouldn't" do because I "can't." I need people to tell me I CAN do things and I need to know that I have people backing me and being there for me when I need a little extra support. I'm so tired of going through a really good phase and then waking up one day hurting and having it all go downhill from there until I hit another good patch again. It doesn't make any sense. That doesn't just happen. I'm not depressed, that's not what's causing this. But I have noticed that when I start hurting, when my symptoms start getting worse, that's when I don't handle things as well and I feel like I'm in danger of becomming depressed. I'm just tired of not knowing, I'm tired of nobody understanding, I'm tired of nobody being supportive, and I'm just tired of being so tired.

So incredibly upset...

2008-08-01T11:05:00.004-05:00

It's already started w/ my inlaws. My mother in law had told me she was too busy with work to go look at sewing machines with me and now all of a sudden since she finds out my sister in law is having a little girl she's taking her shopping at the mall tonight for little girl stuff. So much for the excuse of being too busy with work! And taking my SIL shopping for girl stuff is something my mother in law would NEVER do w/ me, no matter how many times I asked if she'd like to go look at stuff w/ me. ONE time she went w/ me and she spent the whole time looking at boy stuff and saying she needed to buy Nephew W this and that and she wouldn't look at anything I showed her for Hailey. Oh ok I take it back, ONE time she took me to Old Navy to buy Hailey clothes for her 1st birthday and all I was doing was commenting on how cute this and that was and I didn't expect her to buy anything, I was purely looking and commenting and his mom got pissy and said "I'm not made out of money you know!" SIGH I hate my inlaws, I'm just so upset. Hailey has officially been replaced, there is no allure left at all to make them care about her at all anymore. D is beyond upset and mad that they are having a girl. He told me last night that he can tell me right now exactly how it's going to be w/ Hailey now that his brother and sister in law are having a girl...and I tried to be positive and tell him he didn't know that for sure etc. and I am eating my words because already it's started. First thing this morning, not even 24 hours after they found out, and I find out his mom is already taking SIL shopping because she's so far beyond excited that this is a little girl that it's not even funny. I have prayed Hailey's whole life that the inlaws would feel that way about Hailey, because Hailey loves them to pieces but they just DON'T for some reason. I want so bad to call his mom and tell her exactly what D and I think, but I never would. My heart just breaks for Hailey. She doesn't understand why they never come see her or want to keep her overnight or why they buy the boys twice as many presents as her or anything. She notices and she cries about it, but she doesn't understand why. I am just so deeply upset for my Hailey. I could care less that they don't want to do anything with D and I. But my little sweet Hailey, my loveable perfect adorably cute little girl...why don't they like her????? That's what I want to know. WHY don't they love her?

It's a.....

2008-07-31T15:44:00.002-05:00

GIRL!!!!

I just found out that my sister in law is finally having a girl!! I am beyond excited, I cannot wait to have a little niece. I'm super excited for her, she's wanted a little girl so badly for so long. When she found out her 2nd baby was a boy she bawled (which of course she got over). It's been so long since I've had a baby niece to spoil.

On the other hand, Hailey's not the only little girl in the family anymore. And seeing how that was the only thing making her special to my inlaws(I know that sounds harsh, but if you knew my inlaws you would totally understand and believe me 100%) I'm super afraid she's going to get totally overlooked once this baby is born. Let's hope and pray that's not the case.

New Shows!

2008-07-30T09:30:00.003-05:00

I finally found a couple new shows on TV that I really like. I am LOVING my DVR...I'm not missing an episode! I absolutely LOVE Ashley Paige: Bikini or Bust on TLC...I don't know what made me even watch this show, but I watch it every single week. I love her mom, she is so sweet and innocent and I love how Ashley treats her so nicely even when she does something devastating that sets Ashley back. I love how she does not for profit work (or tries to) and I don't know, the show is just really entertaining. My 2nd new show is Must Love Kids, also on TLC. As a child of a single mom I've always wondered what it would be like dating w/ kids (and let's be honest, the thought has crossed my mind a time or two what it would be like for me if I ever did leave D). I am so sad that I forgot to tape the 2nd episode...I thought I had the DVR programmed for weekly...maybe D erased it, hmmmm. Anyway I was sure to tape the 3rd episode last night! Can't wait to watch it!!

My weekly lineup of "Can't Miss" shows now consists of:

Monday night--Jon and Kate Plus 8, TLC

Tuesday night--Must Love Kids, TLC

Friday night--Ashley Paige, TLC

Can you tell I love TLC??? :) I also loved the show The Next Food Network Star, but the last show was just this past week! Looking forward to next season!

Things I Love

2008-07-30T09:25:00.004-05:00

~Soft cuddly socks~

Apalling

2008-07-29T10:19:00.004-05:00

THIS article was a real eye-opener...it just goes to show, you really can't eat out and eat a "healthy" meal anymore. I knew it was bad, but not this bad!!

I'm buying THIS book when it's released August 19th. I'm marking my calendar.